每次我女儿去看望她的中国高中朋友,她都会带回一个盛满各种各种普通食品的袋子,这些东西都是她朋友的妈妈买的。我们不穷,所以我觉得有点尴尬。这难道是中国人的基本礼节吗 ?(下)
2021-05-14 ycb1990 21360

每次我女儿去看望她的中国高中朋友,她都会带回一个盛满各种各种普通食品的袋子,这些东西都是她朋友的妈妈买的。我们不穷,所以我觉得有点尴尬。这难道是中国人的基本礼节吗 ?(下)

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Allen Allington
A popular greeting among old timers and old friends in rural China is “have you eaten”.


Foods and gifts of foods are a sign of friendship.


Every time your daughter goes to visit send a small gift to the friends mother to complete the circle. When in China we take a dozen 1/2 pint boxes of milk or a couple chocolate bars or in some cases meat or a bottle of hot sauce we brought from the USA.


NOTE: when we head back to China my wife has two huge suitcases filled with clothing, American candy, European chocolate and sometimes jewelry fir her family, friends, old classmates, old boss and so on.

注意: 当我们回到中国时,我妻子都会带两个大箱子,里面装满了衣服,美国的糖果,欧洲的巧克力,有时还有珠宝。这些都送给她的家人,朋友,老同学,老上司等等。

The Chinese are big on gifts… I love the way they argue, “No no no I can’t take that. I couldn’t. It’s too much” but the arguing is futile and in the end they graciously accept the gift.

中国人很喜欢礼物... ... 我喜欢他们推脱的样子,“不,不,不,我不能接受。这太多了”,但是争吵是徒劳的,最后他们都优雅地接受了礼物。

Crystal Brierre
Lol don't take it personal alot of people from different cultures do this. I'm Haitian and my family members will insist on bringing food too anyone we are visiting or whoever is coming too our house . Please whatever you do just take the food ,smile and say thank you lol if you dont they will be soo hurt and offended its not worth the headache just take it and if you don't want it give it away or throw it out once they arent around …. So many times I've visited my grandmother after already just eating out and she insisted on me eating her food or packing me bags full of her groceries ughhh the one time i declined she cried and told my parents i dont love her or want to eat her food (which actually tastes good but i already ate before i came over) lol i felt soo guilty… so now i just take it and either eat it the next day or give it to someone.

哈哈,不要纠结这个问题了,很多来自不同文化背景的人都会这么做。我是海地人,不管是我们去拜访别人还是被人来拜访我们,来做客的人都会带一些食物。无论你做什么,都要接受这些食物,并微笑着说谢谢。如果你不这样做,客人会很伤心。如果你不想要这些食物,等客人走了的时候,把它送给别人或者直接扔掉... ..。很多次我去看望我的祖母,告诉她我已经在外面吃饭了,她仍坚持让我吃她的食物或让我打包带回去。有一次我拒绝了,我祖母哭了,告诉我的父母我不爱她或不想吃她的食物(祖母的食物尝起来很好,但我来之前已经吃过了)。我感到很
内疚... 所以现在我再去我祖母家都会带点东西回来,要么第二天吃掉要么转送给别人。

Callie C
In my experience it’s pretty common, my family is chinese so we have a lot of chinese friends as well, a lot of times after you visit a friend’s house they’ll insist that you take something home with you, usually fruit or something similar, it’s mostly a hospitality/friendship thing. Often when I visit my other chinese friends their parents will say something like “oh i found bought these oranges the other day, they’re especially sweet and juicy, take some home with you!” or with if we are close and they knew I would be coming over they might have picked up some snacks I like when they went to the store earlier. A lot of chinese people like to buy stuff on sale or in bulk too since it’s cheaper and will share some with friends. After eating at a friend’s house they’ll often offer you the leftovers to take home too. So yes, it’s a pretty common thing in Chinese culture, it’s just part of hospitality for us.

根据我的经验,这种情况很常见,我的家人是中国人,所以我们也有很多中国朋友。很多时候当你去朋友家拜访时,他们会坚持让你带一些东西回家,通常是水果或类似的东西,这是一种表达好客/友谊的方式。当我去拜访我的其他中国朋友时,他们的父母经常会说: “哦,我前几天买的这些橙子,特别甜,特别多汁,带一些回家吧!”或者如果我们离得很近,他们知道我会过来,他们可能在早些时候去商店买一些我喜欢的零食。许多中国人也喜欢买打折的或批发的东西,因为它更便宜,而且会和朋友分享一些。在朋友家吃完饭后,他们也会给你剩菜带回家。所

Jona Arkenson
Giving gifts to other people is always a nice gesture in the Asian culture.. though you may think it seems a little embarrassing or weird, maybe you should look at it differently and be very thankful and happy that another person is thinking about you and your family and wanted to give you gifts.. We live in strange times where nobody really trusts another, so having neighbors or family friends that offer nice gestures is a lucky thing. But going back to your question, yes it's normal in the East Asian culture to give small gifts to other families, there no expectations to return the favor for anything.. as we Americans say, “it's the thought that counts” and it's really nice someone is thinking about your family.


Ron Martin
This is them being courteous; Most likely your daughter compliments her food and the mother is sending the ingredients over to make what she complimented. When my wife was a child she babysat for her next door neighbors, the mother was a Immigrant from Asia- she does not remember from where- and she would send home with her food items that my wife liked.


Janice Jones
If I were in YOUR shoes, I would NOT look a GIFT HORSE in the mouth. Be GRATEFUL for the food, it doesn’t matter that you are NOT poor, that is NOT the point, the friend’s mother is just BEING GENEROUS and there is absolutely NOTHING for you to be embarassed about. When I was a child, people used to give me bags of their cast off clothes. When I was a teenager, people STILL gave me bags of their used clothes and I NEVER complained, neither was I embarassed and my family were NEVER POOR. So
STOP complaining and be GRATEFUL. I couldn’t say whether is was Chinese courtesy to give food or not, but like I said - JUST BE GRATEFUL.


Lina Hughes
It’s a Chinese (Asian maybe? Same thing for some of my other friends) thing to give the friend some food or snacks while leaving or just something to take home (normally among the older gen.)


It probably isn't because they think you are poor but because they’re showing their appreciation for your daughter’s friendship with her’s.


Next time, I suggest you send maybe a cake or some snacks (preferably homemade) to return the favor or just say something like “Oh this is so much, but thanks!” to give her a slight hint.


Please message me if anything else comes up! Hope this helps!

如果有其他事情发生,请给我发信息! 希望这能有所帮助!

Anne Chung
Yes. It’s completely normal. In China, giving food and cooking for people is basically there way of showing love. I’m half Chinese and every time I see my grandma she gives us heaps of different food she knows we like.


Jo Williams
She is being kind. If you find her kindness embarrassing then maybe ask yourself why this might be the case. Why not bake her a cake. It’s a really nice thing she is doing.


Katarzyna Popiel
Thank you for all the answers. I really like the idea of baking a cake in return!


Jayla Sims
i believe its actually just an Asian courtesy, period. My sister goes visit her friend, and comes home with lots of foods and sweets. They dont do it because they think you arent capable of feeding your child. They just love to stuff people LOL. Dont worry, actually be thankful. They’re wonderful people! I’d be glad my daughter has a Friend with parents so thoughtful. Asians actually make magnificent buddies! They are underestimated.


Huijian Wu
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, it's a clash of cultures!


In China, and East Asia in general, giving away food is a symbol of friendship and sharing, not a feeling of charity.


You should understand that she is trying to share the joy with your family.


The right thing to do is to accept them and then the next time your child goes to their home, take some sweets and other food with you and tell the person that it is a gift for them.


I often visit friends and if it's family, I bring some fresh fruit. If the person is a partner, I'll bring some tea and things like that. If it's a family visit, I'll bring some fresh fish, meat and things like that.


I think it is important to understand each other's culture when dealing with different nationalities and races around the world.


Chinese culture likes to give gifts to each other.


Westerners usually only eat one or two courses, whereas Chinese treats are multi-course meals. Don't judge by waste, waste is actually a cultural indication that the guest has had enough to eat and the host's hospitality is excellent, after all you can't let them leave hungry.


The Chinese have a very bad habit of drinking high purity white wine when entertaining guests, especially in the north.


In the news report the day before yesterday, a man drank with a friend, got drunk, slept in the snow near his house and got frostbite.


This is something that many Chinese people are not proud of.


Mine will show you a way to avoid this. The claim is that you have not been feeling well recently and are taking cephalosporins, as these are mainly used to treat common common infections, and taking them with alcohol can produce serious vicarious effects.


No one would be asking you to drink.


You can toast with them over dinner with a drink rather than wine.


I would like to remind my Western friends here that when you visit a Chinese friend or Chinese client, the person will be delighted if you bring a small gift. The choice of gift is simple.

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

When you usually visit someone's home, you can bring a kilo or two of fruit, such as apples, watermelons or grapes, or bring some local specialities.


Last month I went to see a friend, a very familiar friend of course, and I immediately brought 3 kilos of pork, hahahaha. Please don't do this if you are not a very familiar friend.


Don't bring chocolates, especially if you are going to meet someone of the opposite sex with whom you have no close relationship. Unless you can be sure that the friend you are visiting has children.


Flowers are nice to have, but they are usually brought to China to visit the elderly and sick.


Usually the shops near Chinese hospitals will have fruit in baskets, packed so you can just buy it.


In fact, the different cultures are very interesting.


Huijian Wu
In China, chocolates are more often given as gifts between lovers or as gifts for children.


I think for Muslims, beef or lamb can be used instead of pork


Mike Bell
Good to know about China: avoid giving chocolates!


There is no such impression given with Arabs.


How would pastries be perceived by Chinese?


Huijian Wu
The pastries are generally fine.


When I was a child, my mother would take me to visit my grandmother, her mother, and each time she would bring 1 kilo of fresh meat, 1 kilo of sugar, some pastries, etc., along with her.


Rully Pratama
Judging the similarity from your answer and the local culture of my own, I started to think that it is probably Asian culture in general :)


Kevin Augustine Chong
Tradition is changing amongst the younger generation. So my advice to anyone not familiar to the culture to be flexible, enjoy yourself, and no need to follow tradition to the T.

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Hu Shi Xiong
Pork …. Is a weird gift if uncooked

猪肉... ... 如果是生猪肉,可能会有点奇怪。

Jonathan Yang
Agree, I mean I do gift pork to my uncle as a gift, but a grilled pork.


Purnendu Mukherjee
We also have a similar culture here in India…………………..

我们印度也有类似的文化... ... ...

It is customary to gift a box of sweets when we visit our guests. Otherwise, it’s equivalent to disrespecting them.


Sophie May
I can see certain similarities/connections between the Indian culture and the Chinese culture.


India and China - two great gems of Asia.

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Purnendu Mukherjee
Precisely………………………If it weren’t for the Himalayas in between, there could have more interconnections between India and China.


Benjie Oguimas
I love Chinese foods even Indian foods too. It would be very nice if given to me as gift. Cooked foods is my preference. Sweet n sour fish, steam fish, Chinese fried rice, spring rolls so yummy.


Indian foods, biryani, chicken tells, tandoori, chapatti, curries so yummy


Amanda Goshay
Please don’t be embarrassed. Be touched that your daughter has made such a friend. It’s purely cultural and an indication of familial love. It means your daughter is the kind of person who has impressed another family - she is wonderful!


This is an opportunity where you might be able to try new things - and when her friend comes to visit, do the same! Share something you all find delicious and include it as a token of affection.




Davis Torr
Consider it a compliment. Take the gift. Chinese think it′s important to share food. They share it with people they see as relevant and right.


It actually can be a problem if you don′t take it. They won′t get angry but they will see you in a cold way after that. You can always give the food away quietly to some other family, your dog or whatever.


Naturally though if it′s a food that is against your diet, just say so. Chinese will eat almost anything.


Alan Chiu
I remember when my dad visited me in the U.S., he would buy fruits or desserts in grocery store as gifts before he came to visit old friends in my area. We both lived in expensive neighborhoods, so it has nothing to do with financial situation. I particularly remembered that one time dad bought exotic cherries at Whole Foods to bring to an old friend. So it’s a courtesy, especially among older Chinese.

我记得当我爸爸来美国看我的时候,他会在杂货店买水果或甜点作为礼物,然后再来我家附近拜访老朋友。我们都住在高端住宅区,所以这和经济状况没有关系。我特别记得有一次爸爸在 Whole Foods买了异国樱桃带给一个老朋友。所以这是一种礼貌,尤其在中国老年人看来。

Dao Mai
Traditional Asian moms buy extra food all the tmes. They are accustomed to feed everyone who comes to their home anytime of the day.. And they readily share their food with families and friends. That’s normal! They would go hungry while feeding guests saying they already ate. It’s their culture! Even if they are not rich, they still give something!


Peter Castle
The short answer is yes. Having lived in a Chinese culture for nigh on fifty years, I know how their culture works. What your daughter’s friend’s mother does is quite normal as far as my experience is concerned. You will find that the older generation Chinese are like that. Generally they are generous and friendly people. There are many cultural differences between the East and West and because the West does not understand the East they fear the East.


Liz Mag
Once in a while it would be nice for you to send something with your child like some sandwiches that she can share with her friend , or like a cooked meal that she can share with her friends family! It is nice for her not to go empty handed ! They probably let her eat with them a meal before she goes home ! It is not because they are Chinese, it's just a custom that people do to welcome someone in their home


Chia Navarro
I’m not sure if it’s my place to speak on this.


But, when I was about 7 years old, my family and I had an older married Chinese couple who lived in the apartment below us. We are not Chinese, or Asian at all.

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

They were very kind people. And they would sometimes come up to our apartment and bring us fresh fish and seafood.


We just saw it as a form of kindness. I believe that’s what it is.


Theodore Young
No need to feel embarrassed. Next time, you can just get something, such as cooky, cake, or anything the girls may like, for the visiting friend to bring home.


The friend’s gift has nothing to do with your financial need, just good will.


Liu Echo
Yes,some people like to show their love via groceries, especially old people.


When I watch Desperate Housewives , I have similar questions too. Do Americans like to send cookies to their neighbors from time to time?


They look the same way.


Jacklyn Chai
Let me explain! For Chinese families, food is a love language. If you have befriended a Chinese family, they will share food with you that they want you to try or think you will like. My family did this with some of my and my siblings’ friends through our years and does this often with other Chinese families that lived close-by. If you wanted to thank them, many of my white friends would send baked goods in return. It was an endless exchange of homemade goods.


Jin Spence
I'm not sure what ethnicity you are and I'm not Chinese either but as a Japanese person people exchange gifts and give to others all the time. It's almost common courtesy. Now if that were normal groceries like store bought bread and milk it may come off as slightly weird but it all came from a kind heart so appreciate it


Hope this helped


Miach Li
My grandma on my mother’s side does the same. The culture is like, you can’t let a guest leave with his gift basket emptied in your house, you have to fill it with something


Ginny Vane
They just mean to show their friendliness and hospitality. If you visit a Chinese family, the host definitely will give you something as a gift when you leave. It’s just a tradition. No matter your are rich or poor , these things just to show they treat you as a real friend.