你和你父母关系怎么样( 上)
2021-06-18 龟兔赛跑 5856

How's your relationship with your parents?


Ben A.
Wise, I am a father of three: a boy and twins of both sexes. A lot better than it used to be. Growing up, I was depressed, suicidal, and manically insecure. My mother coddled me, celebrating every tiny achievement of mine as if it were Nobel Prize worthy and thus preventing me from developing the grit necessary to succeed in life. My father was tough. He kept his emotions tightly locked and never apologized. He coerced me into working for him even though I wanted to do something different and called me selfish whenever I talked about how much I suffered doing so.
I was angry with them for years. I blamed them for all my problems. Until I had kids of my own. All the good intentions in the world can fade in an instant against weeks or even months of sleep deprivation, contending with a creature who relishes in finding and ruthlessly preying on your weak spots, and having to give the very marrow of your bones for someone who takes it for granted. I became a lot more compassionate and understanding.
“This shit’s really, really hard,” I confessed in front of them, and the three of us shared a good belly laugh. I see my parents now as the flawed individuals they’ve always been. It may sound cliché, but they did what they thought was best at the time—operating under the constraints of the era they lived in, the neuroses their own parents bequeathed them, and the confusion and self-doubt that come with being human.
Just like I’m doing now. In short, I spent many years trying to convince myself that I’m superior to my parents and will never repeat their mistakes. Just to realize we’re not so different after all.


Amon Elriyad, Decent and Sarcastic Arab writer
Earlier today, at about 11 A.M, I texted my dad asking if he could bring a few things from the local Kroger.
I asked for:
Chocolate milk
Sliced pineapple
Anything from Little Debbie’s (a pastry brand)
Cake (for my mom)
Ahmed’s dignity
Ahmed is one of my younger brothers, the freshman, who works with my dad.
I added that last point because I knew Ahmed would read it.
Usually, my dad closes his store at 4 PM on Saturdays, but so far, it was already 7 and he wasn’t home.
I was getting a little worried, and just as I was getting ready to call him, I heard the garage open.
I practically sprinted down 2 flights of stairs, nervous that something had happened.
Instead, I found my dad and Ahmed talking and bringing in the groceries.
“What took y’all so long?” I asked as I reached for a bag.
“I spent around an hour looking for Ahmed’s dignity, but we still can’t seem to find it,” my dad told me.
Ahmed froze and looked at my dad.

今天大约上午11点,我给我爸发短信问他能不能从当地的克罗格买些东西,我要求买的: 巧克力牛奶,切好的菠萝,小黛比(糕点品牌)的任何东西,蛋糕(给我妈妈),糖衣,艾哈迈德的“尊严”。

“Is that why we were walking around the store for no reason?”
My dad looked at me and shrugged.
I laughed.
“Hey, can you look at this?” I ask my mom.
My mom’s a surgeon, and I usually — well, always — go to her whenever I sense something’s wrong with me, health-wise.
However, I enjoy pranking her from time to time.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
I stared at her.
She stared back.
“Look down” I told her.
“Do I look that dumb to you?” she asked and laughed.
I was holding the “boi” hand sign, and apparently she knew what I was up to.
“But, Amon, look at that”, she told me, and pointed.
I reached over and looked: she had the “boi” sign.
“Gottem!” she said and smiled.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I laughed.
My parents and I have a close relationship. They’re ultimately, especially my father, my best friends.
They’re very supportive, and I’m glad I can call them Mom and Dad.

我拿着" boi "的手势,显然她知道我在做什么。
“拿着 !她笑着说。

Tina Bauer, B.S. Interdisciplinary Studies (2019)
I’ve always loved my dad. My dad was the first person I met from my adoptive family and I grew to trust him first. The more I learned about my biological father, the more I appreciated my adoptive father. My adoptive father acted how a father should, but my biological father didn’t earn the title as father.
I think in that regard it was easier to love my adoptive dad. Although I did have a strong resistance to men but I learned to trust my dad.
My mother on the other hand, I was resistant to loving her. I pushed her away consciously for more than 10 years. I struggled to let her be my mom. She never pushed me or tried to replace my biological mother but it was very hard for her.
Today, I have a great relationship with both my parents and it’s a miracle. My parents never gave up on me even when at times I gave up on them. I gave them many reasons to hate me, but they just kept loving me. They wouldn’t let me push them away, and that’s exactly what I needed as an adopted child.
I’ve seen several families around me where their adoptive children pushed them away and they let them. They gave up on their kids and it breaks my heart.
My parents are incredible people. My dad is amazingly smart. He’s a genius at math and reading. He can figure anything out and yet he’s extremely patient and tentative.
My mom is more like me, less patient but extremely empathetic. She’s fierce in the way she loves people and extremely hospitable. Often we would have friends of friends or strangers stay in our home or come over for holidays because my mom didn’t believe in letting people be alone or left out.
My parents are incredible and they care for people so well.


Katie Hoban, Daughter
My parents think I'm a meth-head drug dealer. No, I'm not kidding. It was late in August 2012, the day I was moving back into the dorms for my sophomore year of college. Since my designated move-in time was 8 am, I had woken up a little bit before 6, and I was walking out of the kitchen with my leftover-hamburger breakfast when I saw them - my mother and father sitting, very seriously, on the living room couch.
"We need to talk." I nearly dropped my burger. These conversations had never gone well before.
Mom: "Katie, we've noticed you've been hanging out with a lot of guys lately, and we don't like that."
Me: "I mean, I don't pick and choose my friends by sex. I'm sorry that I don't know a ton of girls who spend their summers climbing trees and playing paintball and Xbox. It's not for a lack of trying, I promise!"
Dad: "Really? Well, we've also noticed that you've been staying out late at night."
Me: "I ask you guys every night what time you want me back by, and I follow the curfews you set."
Mom: "That doesn't mean that you aren't staying out late!"
Me: "Well, okay...? But I'm staying out to the time you specify...?"
Mom: "And you know that methamphetamine stays in your hair forever, so we can get you tested!?!?!?!"
Me: "Wait, what?"

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Mom: "Katie, we know that you and your friends are dealing crystal meth!"
Me: *doubles over in laughter*
In my defense, I seriously thought they were joking. My dad has a history of pulling elaborate pranks, and if this had been one of his pranks, it would have been phenomenal. Eventually, I pulled myself together:
Me: "Okay guys, nice joke. You totally got me. Now, can we start packing the car? I need to move into my dorm soon, and it's an hour away, so we should probably get going."
Dad: "Give us your phone."
I hand over my phone.
Me: "Seriously? You've got to be kidding me."
Dad: "We're not kidding. Give us your laptop."
I hand over my laptop.
Me: "Okay, this is getting a little out of hand. We probably should be leaving? There's this thing called 'college' that I'm supposed to be doing."
Dad: "We don't think you're taking this seriously. If you don't start to take us seriously, we're not sending you back to school."

爸爸:“把你的手机给我们。” 我把手机递过去了。

I was dumbfounded. Now, my parents have always threatened to stop paying for my education, for a wide variety of stupid reasons, but this was by far the most idiotic. They could take my phone away, they could take my computer away, but if they thought that my education was some trinket that they could dangle in front of me to make me jump through hoops - I was out. I would rather pay for my own education than have to constantly fear it being pulled out from under me.


My dad left for work. My mom went upstairs. I left the house with only the clothes on my back and a key I had promised to return to a friend before I left for school. But, now that I wasn't leaving for school anymore, I decided I should probably return it anyways.
It started pouring as soon as I left the house, and it rained nonstop for the six mile walk from my house to my friend's. On some level, I was thankful that I didn't have my phone - my parents use it to track me and my two siblings. On another level, my parents thought I was a drug dealer, I had no way of contacting anyone, and it wasn't even 7 am. So, I dropped off my friend's key (she was on vacation and I had just finished housesitting for her), then sat on her porch for a while, taking shelter from the rain and trying to figure out what to do next. Everyone I knew in a ten-mile radius was either on vacation or would be asleep for the next several hours.
Then, I remembered - back at home, in an old wallet, at the back of my dresser, I had a library card. Now, this may not seem like an earth-shattering realization, but there are two awesome things about the Ann Arbor Public Libraries - the first is that, if you don't have your card on you, they will look you up by phone number. The second is that, if you have a library card, you have free computer and internet access. So, I picked myself up from the porch and walked another 7 miles into downtown Ann Arbor. By the time I had arrived, it had stopped raining, but I was soaked to the bone. I walked up to the front desk of the library and, in my drenched, bedraggled state, said "I don't have my card on me now, but I have an account here and could really, really use one of your computers".
They let me in (thank all the powers that be) and I went to seek what help I could find on Facebook. I posted a status explaining that my parents had accused me of dealing drugs and that I was looking for any support people could provide. Over 70 people responded - by the end of the hour, I had three job offers, a host of couches and spare rooms offered for me to stay in, $500 of straight-up financial support, and the same guys my parents were so upset about me hanging out with were on their way downtown to pick me up.
I went outside and sat on the library steps to wait for my friends, a puddle slowly forming around me due to my still-wet clothing. After a few minutes, one of the library employees came out and said "I'm sorry, but people from the homeless shelter aren't allowed to stay out here". I looked at myself - since I had been expecting to be carrying boxes all day, I was wearing an old t-shirt, ratty jeans, and a bandana to hide my messy hair. I didn't know whether I wanted to laugh or cry.
When my friends got there, they took me out to lunch and bought me new clothing. We swung by my place so I could grab all of my legal documents and a couple changes of clothing (neither of my parents was home, thankfully), and then went to one of their houses, where we played CD for the rest of the day and I cried into a box of cookies.
My parents got ahold of my friend's mom around 10 that night. She handed me the phone:

我爸爸去上班了,我妈妈也上楼去了,我离开了家,只带了一身衣服和一把钥匙,这是我上学前答应要还给朋友的,既然我去不了学校,我决定还是应该把它还回去,我一离开家就下起了倾盆大雨,从我家到朋友家的六英里途中一直下个不停,在某种程度上,我很庆幸我没有带手机——我的父母用它来追踪我和我的两个兄弟姐妹,其次,我的父母认为我是一个毒品贩子,没有手机,我就没有办法联系任何人,还不到早上7点,我把我朋友的钥匙交给了她(她去度假了,我刚帮她照看完房子),然后为了避雨,我在她家的门廊上坐了一会儿,我想知道接下来该怎么办,方圆10英里内我认识的人不是去度假就是在睡觉,我想起来了,家里的梳妆台后面的一个旧皮夹里,我有一张借书证,虽然这不是一个惊奇的发现,但有两个关于安阿伯公共图书馆的“谣言”,第一个是,如果你的卡不在身上,他们会查找你的电话号码;第二点是,如果你有借书证,你就可以免费使用电脑和上网,于是,我立马站起来,又走了7英里来到安娜堡的市中心,我到达时,雨已经停了,但我浑身湿透了,我走到图书馆的前台,说:“我现在没带卡,但我在这里有个账户,可以用你们的电脑吗?” 他们让我进去,我去Facebook上寻求帮助,我发了一条状态解释说,我的父母指控我贩毒,我在寻求人们能提供的任何帮助,一个小时内超过70人回应,我获得了三个工作机会,500美元的现金,我走出去,坐在图书馆的台阶上等我的朋友们,由于我的衣服仍然湿着,一个水坑慢慢地在我周围形成。几分钟后,图书馆工作人员出来说:“对不起,无家可归者收容所的人不允许在外面逗留。”我看了看自己,因为以为我一整天都要搬箱子,所以我穿了一件旧t恤,一条破旧的牛仔裤,还用头巾遮住了凌乱的头发,此时我不知道自己是该笑还是哭。当我朋友找到我后,他们带我出去吃午饭,给我买了新衣服。那天晚上十点左右,我父母联系上了我朋友的妈妈,她把电话递给我:

Dad: "Kathryn Elyse Hoban! It's your fault we're in this mess. If you come back home right now, you can still fix this!"
Me; "Me? Fix this? I'm not the one who needs to fix anything. I have job offers, a dozen places to stay, and enough cash to get on my feet. If you don't take me back to school tonight, you're never going to see me again."
Dad: " . . . Come home and we'll talk."
I hung up. I thought about staying away. I didn't head out for the next half hour, trying to figure out if I really wanted to go back to a family where my parents had such a low opinion of me. In the end, I decided to give it a go because I love my siblings - I would hate losing touch with them. However, I told my friends to wait for me in my driveway, because if things didn't go exactly the way I wanted them to, I was leaving for good.
My parents had managed to string a couple of neurons through the empty spaces between their ears in the 17 hours I had been gone. They agreed to take me back to school. I said goodbye to my friends, and we loaded up the car and left, resulting in the single most awkward car ride I have ever experienced.
When I got to my dorm, it was nearly midnight. I threw all of my stuff in a cart and brought it upstairs. I didn't have anything to say to my dad.
My mom still brings up the hair-testing thing every couple of months. Mostly, I think this happened So, my parents think I deal crystal meth. That's about as good a summary as I can give of what our relationship is like.


Preeti Bhonsle, a brat
Blue films, lesbians and God. Instead of explaining what kind of a relationship I have with my folks I am going to give an account of the dialogues I have had with them over the course of my growing up -Class 8th. In my 8th standard, I shifted from the small and rather conservative city of Nagpur to New Delhi. We used to get the Times of India at home, along with its loud, bold and scandalous supplement Delhi Times ( a supplement full of gossip + pictures of semi - nude good looking people). Back then, I was, just like all teenagers, young, impressionable and curious.
One day, after reading an article on porn movies, I asked my father - dad, what are blue films? He said - movies which adults watch. Later the same year. After reading another article, I ask my father - dad, what are lesbians? He says - women who love each other.
I had a crush on a senior. And I used to keep a diary. Also, me and another friend of mine had our own girl band, so we would often write songs on paper and exchange them. One day while reading at my study desk my father found the lyrics to a really graphic song about love making lying unprotected in the table's drawer. After that, for the first time, they searched my room and found my diary and they came to know about my crush. This was the time my pre-boards were on.
But my parents kept their cool. Although they came to know about the entire crush thing ( and they were thinking that I had written that sexually explicit song and well you know they were thinking of some other things too) way before my pre-boards began they did not confront me. They let me write my papers, and then asked me what was going on. I told them yes I did have a crush on him but nothing had happened, he didn't like me because I was too dark for him. Then they told me that they had known about this long ago and they also asked about that song, I told them it wasn't mine, and then I showed them what kind of songs I actually wrote.
After this episode, my father told me - never keep a diary, it leaves unwanted evidence.


During college time. I wasn't doing so well in college. I was doing a lot of things and I had a low gpa. One morning, during a semester break, while I was jogging with my father, he asked me - why are you grades low?
I told him - marks and happiness are not correlated.
He asked me - are you happy?
I said - Yup.
He said - you don't look like it.
After college
Everything was almost sorted. I was 22. I had a good job, so did he, I was in love and I thought so was he. So I told my mother - maybe I should get married? My mother laughed and laughed and laughed and told me - don't be stupid, you have so much to do, get married at 28/29, if you feel like then.
On my writing
They knew I wrote, they are okay with it largely because I do not let it interfere with the rest of the things, I do my writing on my own time. This was in 2012. I had told them I was writing a book. One night, over the phone my father asked me - what the status, is the book done?
I tell him - I don't know papa, I can't seem to find the inspiration to write.
He said - Close your eyes and think of god and the inspiration will come.
I said ( a little tensed ) - yeah, well, you should know I don't believe in god.
He said - ok, close your eyes and think of nature and the inspiration will come.

大学毕业后, 我的人生轨迹一切几乎都安排好了,22岁,拥有一份好工作,她也有。后来,我恋爱了,我以为她也恋爱了,所以我告诉我妈,我是不是该结婚了?我妈妈哈哈大笑,告诉我,别傻了,你还有很多事要做,如果你想结婚的话,28或29岁再考虑吧。