2021-07-13 ycb1990 12594


Qi Han
As an international student, well, it's hard.


Because if you go study abroad from China to the USA it means that you need to totally start over.


I have learned all the manners again. I remember that my manager from my work once told me that he thought all the Chinese don't have manners. Well, as to me, it is just because that our manners are totally different. Our "rude" behavior in the USA might be a every-day behavior in China. It is all due to the cultural differences. For an reverse example, in China we respect our elders, but Americans can become friends with them. It is okay for American kids to talk back to their parents but it is a big NO NO in China. Also, for people who just moved into the USA we don't know what to say in a specific situation and we are too shy to make any mistake. One time I was carrying something very hot, and I had no idea how to warn people. I was just very careful and tried my best to make sure I didn't hurt anybody. Then, someone taught me I should say "watch your back" for that. Now I remember that very clearly. For all the fresh off the boats, we all need to learn that type of polite language which doesn't exist in our Chinese textbook. Unlike American kids, we don't have American parents to teach us so it is easy for us to make mistakes.


I even needed to learn how to have fun! Most Chinese hate dancing and it's not that popular to learn how to dance in China. In our culture, we value people who are quite and intellectual. Most of us don't like alcohol because we think it's unhealthy. Also, usually, we don't party just for fun like Americans. In China a party always means a networking thing. We try to stay in contact with someone so we can help each other out in the future.


When it comes to dating someone, some people from China will mark me as a cheap girl when I have an American boyfriend. And Americans will mark me as the girl who only wants an American green card. I had been always worried that if my date just want to try a foreign body. I also had to think that if my date’s bad behaviors (to me) are influenced by the American culture and everybody else do so or it is just because he is a 100% a**hole.

当谈到和某人约会时,当我有一个美国男朋友的时候,一些中国人会认为我是一个容易被勾搭的女孩。美国人会认为我是一个只想要美国绿卡的女孩。我一直担心,如果我的约会对象只是想和一个外国女孩约会咋办,并不是真正的喜欢我。我还不得不想,我约会对象的坏习惯(对我来说)是受到美国文化的影还是他本身就是个100% 的混蛋。

I needed to learn everything! Everything! How to do bank, email, mail, see a doctor, use the disposal and bath, and so on. Not only simply to learn the process the but also the related vocabulary. Alone. It is not like that people are not willing to give me a hand. In fact, I have met a lot of nice and kind-hearted Americans who I really appreciated. It is just that sometimes it is not comfortable for me to be a solely taker.

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However, the reason why I am still here is very simple. I see the better possibilities for me to be here. Learning everything new is making me strong. I feel that I am being ahead of most kids in my age. I am tougher, more independent, and knowing how to solve difficult situations better.


Anyway, it's a great experience.


Pei Mun Lim
Hello Qi Han! What a great answer - thank you so much for sharing your experience. People always 'assume' things about people they don't know, and most of the time it is negative.

你好,Qi Han!你的回答很棒,非常感谢你分享的经验。人们总是对他们不认识的人上纲上线,而且大多数时候都是负面的。

Hopefully more people will read your answer and understand your challenges. I hope that you won't let it colour your life, i.e. worry about what people think too much.


Chinese heritage is always worry about 'face' (I am descendent of Chinese immigrants to Malaysia, now living in the UK) so I know the concept well. I have married an English gwailo and I know that people who don't know me will think negative about me, but I don't care.

中国传统总是担心“面子”(我是移居马来西亚的华人后裔,现在住在英国) ,所以我很了解这个概念。我嫁给了一个英国佬,我知道不认识我的人会对我有负面的看法,但我不在乎。

I am happy and I have a lovely family. I hope that you will also find happiness, and I look forward to reading more of your writing! Please carry on - you are doing great. x


Richard Lambert
Awesome observations. I spent some time in Asia but didn't have to go it so alone like you have done in the U.S. My wife is Asian and came back with me to the U.S. when I returned, I have seen first hand and have tremendous respect for the fortitude needed to do what you are doing. It has to take great courage, but hopefully is bringing you great rewards.


The part about your manager saying Chinese have no manners really caught my eye. The statement at best is very insensitive, simplistic, an overgeneralization and bullying. At worst, it is racism. Either way, it is unacceptable from a manager to a subordinate in this country. You don't have to accept it, if you reported it to the personnel department of the organization he would be severely chastised, particularly if the employer was with the university or government in any way.Aside from the inappropriateness, it is simply not true.


Kane Tao
You know, I have never heard Americans say we have no manners unless they have been to a Chinese restaurant and watched groups of Chinese eat. :) In general, Chinese have always been very respectful of the local etiquette. Far more than many other cultures. Chinese moving into a house in the neighborhood doesn't cause a stampede exodus by Caucasians like some other groups. Most Americans think Chinese are very respectful neighbors.


Meghan Hayes
Great answer! I think what you're experiencing is a pretty typical expat experience. I moved to 3 different countries from the US (Trinidad, Australia & now Hong Kong) that were all very different and each came with a new set of things to learn and adjust to. You're right that it's not easy but in the end it makes you stronger and wiser!

答得好!我认为你现在所经历的是一个去国外生活的典型。我从美国搬到了三个不同的国家(特立尼达、澳大利亚和现在的香港) ,它们都非常不同,每个国家都有一套新的东西需要学习和适应。你是对的,这并不容易,但最终它会让你变得更强大、更聪明!
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Kim Willson
I learned a lot from this. Thanks for sharing your story, and being brave enough to post in a language that's not your own.


Katie Dudley
Hi Qi Han! Thank you for answering this question!

你好,Qi Han! 谢谢你回答这个问题!

There are a lot of students from China especially, but also many other countries in the city where I live (Seattle). I live in a neighborhood that traditionally has been an immigrant neighborhoo too, but it has been gentrifying lately as Seattle gets more expensive.

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

The opportunity to ask people like you what your experience moving to the states doesn't present itself very often though, and so especially when I go grocery shopping here and encounter lots of students who aren't speaking English, I wonder what life is like for them and what led them here.


Nicholas Stone
I think most of the problems you mention you'd face in any foreign country if you were going there for the first time.


Compared to Europeans and North Americans, Chinese teenagers are very dependent on their parents. They study hard and have not had life experiences such as working part time or learning to fend for themselves at Scouts or something like that.


They're very sheltered, in essence. This is one reason why they, both girls and boys, have to do a period of faux military training when they start university. It's to toughen them up and get them used to taking care of themselves.


The other problem I would foresee for Chinese students living abroad is the sheer number of other Chinese people who will also be there. This enables them to live in a kind of bubble and hinders their uptake of English and making of foreign friends.


But some Chinese students manage to avoid this trap and make the most of their experience and opportunities.


I'm speaking as someone who taught at Chinese universities for several years, and was involved in assisting Chinese students come to the UK.


Amadeus Low
Ancient Chinese were very well manner. They practice Confucianism rituals and rites daily. I believe Chinese will win all the respect should they continue to embrace the core value in rituals and rites.


Too bad modern Chinese (Since 1919) abandoned everything about Confucianism.


Erika Wong
I think it depends on where you go and who you encounter. I was just in Taiwan and Hong Kong. Confucianism is very much alive and well there. In Mainland China, I found people to be generally respectful when approached. But definitely less "well-mannered" when compared to the 1930s China that my mother grew up in. Cultures continuously evolve, for better or worse, especially in this fast-paced modern world. Facts of life.


Michael Perry
What do you think of the Chinese food here in America? How much different is it than the food in China?


Sean Chén
Flushing and old Chinatown downtown in NYC area. If you've been there, you've been in China when it comes to authenticity of food. Other cities have Chinatown too, you just have to really look for authentic Chinese food though.


Billie Kou
Whilst I have never been to US, many people abroad said that the taste of Chinese food in America is much different from what it is in China.


Annie Ruth Harrison
Qi Han, you’ve probably figured out most things about living in the US but if you ever have questions or need help with anything, please feel free to message me. I’d be happy to help you or any other Chinese people new to America with anything. I mean that.

Qi Han,你可能已经了解了生活在美国的大部分事情,但是如果你有任何问题或者需要帮助,请随时给我发信息。我很乐意在任何事情上帮助你或任何其他刚到美国的中国人。我是认真的。

Zhou Dawei
I don’t think “it is okay for American kids to talk back to their parents”. American kids talk back to their parents more than Chinese kids because American kids have less respect for their parents authority. But I don’t think American parents would like or encourage their kids to talk back.


George Morgan
Welcome to the US & I wish you success.


Surashree Kulkarni
That's an amazing answer! Thanks for this! :)

你回答的很棒,谢谢你的回答! :)

Desmond Tan
most of you don't like alcohol?!! I agree with you for everything else except this lol

你们大多数人都不喜欢酒? ! ! 除了这个之外,其他的我都同意

Paul Peanick
Well spoken


Desmond Sun
challenge and chance. Keep moving on.


Sinan Li
yes,it is.for our chinese we need to learn a lots.because america stuff all is different.you are smart girl.i hope you to be your better you.even that is hard.but i believe you .you are gonna be the best one.

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Krishanu Karmakar
I very much liked your honest answer.

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Alborn Mitch
Anyway !going on!!

不管怎样,继续加油! !

Jahweh Cheung
Ok,it's very kind of you to tell something about the life in America as a foreigner,though smiles and tears there are,what we cannot deny that it's meaningful and valuable,and here, I dream to do further study abroad,maybe it's tough for me right now,I'll strive for it !


Todd Quattrini
Keep going! I applaud you!

继续加油! 我为你鼓掌!

Lemon Lmn
Do you have we chat ?can we communicate ?i have a lot of question !please

你有微信吗? 我们可以交流吗? 我有很多问题需要向你请教
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Yue Xiaodong
Welcome to you! I never dance in my life.


Chen Lu
The answer will vary a lot depending on the person's experience and background. I can only speak of the experience of someone who come to study in the US. I have been living in the US for seven years now, did my PhD and now I am working here. Might move back after 1-2 years.


What I have experienced:


1). You become more open-minded due to the exposure to different cultures and people from different countries. Studying in the US definitely provides abundant opportunities to meet and communicate with people of different backgrounds, which improved the understanding of other cultures. I simply realized that human-beings no matter the race are not that different, we have literally the same emotions and largely share the same values. When you are open minded there are less conflict and you
are more likely to make new friends, and find beauty in other cultures.

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

2). You for the first time become the minority of the society and experience the feeling of being discriminated/ignored.. AND it does not feel great. I spent most time in school and people are generally respectful. However, there was one time a guy who said nasty words to me as he thought I just don't understand the meaning of those words .. There are also a few times people mimiced my accent. It was super difficult to make American friends initially if your English is not that fluent, many American students are just indifferent and sometimes you feel you are invisible. Being discriminated or ignored is definitely something new I experienced in the US, it is not fun, but I remind myself to respect people no matter the race as I have tasted what it is like to be on the other side. Also gives me a different point of view to some big problems in the society like the conflict between black and white, and I could see some causes that lead to the current situation. For kids who grew up being ignored or passively discriminated, there will be some issues. I feel lucky that I have a root to hold onto which still provides me strong confidence and allow me to forgive.

2).你第一次成为这个社会的少数派,体验到被歧视/忽视的感觉。这种感觉并不好。我大部分时间都是在学校度过的,人们通常都很尊重我。然而,有一次一个家伙对我说脏话,他认为我听不懂他说什么 ... ... 还有几次人们模仿我的口音。如果你的英语不是那么流利的话,最初交美国朋友是非常困难的,许多美国学生漠不关心,有时你觉得自己是隐形的。在美国,受到歧视或被忽视绝对是我之前没经历过的事情,这感觉并不好,但我提醒自己要尊重他人,不管他们是什么种族,因为我已经尝到了被歧视的滋味。对于社会中的一些大问题,如黑白冲突,也给了

3). You develop a whole picture view of China. In the US you have the access to some information that is hidden by the China government. So you see the dark side, and have a more complete view about China.

3) 可以让你重新认识中国。在美国,你可以接触到中国政府隐藏的一些信息。你能看到其不一样的一面,对中国有了更全面的认识。

4). You learned to not trust some media. Some western media often provide a biased view on China, some of them twisted the news to make the country look like an evil. Extreme examples including how some media report the terrorist attacks in China as righteous protest against the government.


5). You get the opportunity to try a lot of new things like skiing and skydiving, and going to a bar or a night club etc, something fun to do once or twice (for me).


Lin Zhu
First, LANGUAGE barrier. No matter how good a Chinese's academic English is, it's just not the first language.


Second, relationships are different, I meant all kind of relationships. People might consider Eastern culture are more conservative, people in China are more open actually. For instance, in China, you want to hang out with some people online to do a group activity, after couple times, you probably have more than couple friends, I mean, you can talk about a lot of things to them,that kind of friends. Another example is relationship, Chinese ouple are more like, mine is mine, yours is mine too, including your time, friends, and of course, money, so among a couple, there's no such a thing as, " honey, could you do me a favor? " . But here, as a Chinese, I have to learn about that, and respect other people's whatever their own matters. Also, I need to learn no need to be that nice especially when Americans don't think they need help or care.

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Third, the way people talk. Regardless language barrier, Chinese have totally different way to express themselves/ourselves. As I can remember, my parents never ever asked me what do you think nor how do you feel. So emotions and thoughts are buried in daily conversation.


Forth, I believe that experiences will be extremely ifferent upon locations. I'm in California, if I want to, I don't even need to speak English. And, yeah, I can have all Chinese food I want+ all Asian food.


Fifth, IDENTITY CRISIS. Probably I should use another term, immigrant status, this threat is real, but not only to Chinese, to all immigrants. I have to renew my Driver's License every year due to my status, every year, I went to DMV, I felt the unwelcome hard feeling once, even my status is legal, even I have all documents I need to renew my DL, there's always someone give me an attitude. I know probably it's just me thinking too much, DMV staffs have that attitude to everyone, but, really?! The recent time a lady asked me do I have a new form, I said no, that's my only form. She asked, can you get a new one, I said no. Then she said, that's your problem, not my problem. I have no idea why she said that, my form works, there's no problem, why does she remind me I'M NOT AMERICAN?

第五,身份危机。也许我应该用另一个词,移民身份,这种威胁是真实的,不仅仅是对中国人,对所有的移民都是如此。由于我的身份,我每年都要更新我的驾照。每年我去车管所,我都会感觉到不受欢迎,即使我的身份是合法的,即使我所有的文件都是齐全的,但每次都会有人给我脸色看。我知道可能只是我想得太多了,车管所的工作人员对每个人或许都是这种态度,但是,这是真的吗?最近一次去更新驾照的时候,一位女士问我有没有新的表格,我说没有,那是我唯一的表格。她问,你能换一个新的吗? 我说不行。然后她说,那是你的问题,不是我的问题。我不知道为什么她会这么说,我手中的表格没有任何问题,为什么她要提醒我,我不是美国人呢?

Sixth, Distances on both sides. I think it is very easy to understand. As much as we try to adapt American culture and norms, we are still Chinese. The geographical distance creates cultural distance.


Seventh, this is more like personal experience.If my process went smooth, I wouldn't think too much like, Does it really worth to be alone, helpless, hopeless to become AMERICAN?