2021-07-13 龟兔赛跑 3237

How do you know if you're in love?


Tushar Arora, B.Tech from Galgotias University (2019)
Falling in love is one of the most exciting, rewarding and scariest things you could ever do.
Once you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to remember how you lived without him or her. Of course, you were alive before you met this person, but you really didn’t start “living” until the two of you met.
There are few things which will tell you that you in love :
When after reading her message you start smiling.
Seeing her in person is the best part of the day. No matter how your day must be going but seeing her always bring a smile on your face.
You get angry when someone else comments about her.
When you go beyond limits just to make sure that everything is perfect for her. For example: If I tried to construct a list of things I wouldn’t do for her, the list would be pretty empty. When you’re in love with someone, you do whatever you can to make her happy.

图沙尔·阿罗拉,加尔戈蒂亚斯大学技术学士(2019 年)。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

My personal favourite : She is the first thought in your mind when you wake up and last thought before you go to bed :)
When you listen to every little detail she expressed earlier and implement it afterwards to show that you really care.
When your face lit up as soon as she calls :)
When her mood affects your mood.
The best part is when you tease her about makeup and she being fat , she thinks that I am making fun of her but I was just truly admiring her beauty.
You became a better person yourself just to impress her ;)


When you just create unnecessary doubts in your subject , so you could discuss it with her in person as well as on the phone. That feeling is amazing ;)
When suddenly you starts listening to romantic songs because that reminds you of her.
When your feelings for her are unconditional i.e. you do things for her but does not expect anything from her. If that`s the case, then you are in true love :)
When her needs became much more important than your own.
Sometime along the way, I feel that she is my best friend. I believe this to be true for most people who fall in love.
So how many of you are in love ?


You know that you are in love when time starts to pass slowly, you look back and realize that those uncontrolled warm emotions you first felt for the obxt of your desire had calmed down, but you still are unable to move on from them.
I was the type of girl who would never be too much attached in any relationship. My mother until today asks me: “V, who did you ever really love? I think that none!” .
I had a few relationship and in the beginning, of course, they used to be my sky and world, but after things would “get their normal” if they wanted to break up just to test me, I'd gladly do so and wouldn't be crying later asking them to come back. I simply didn't care much. As soon as those emotions had calmed down, soon my interest in them would decrease greatly. If they'd want to continue together fine. If they wouldn't, fine too.
And THEN, life came to teach me a lesson which I'm still on the process of “getting it”.
I've met a guy and fell for him. For N reasons ( please read: many reasons), we realized, I mean, he realized that it would be a relationship destined to fail and even didn't want to try to give it a chance. I, of course, did not take that easy. I told him I wouldn't give up, but really believing that after those emotions I always felt would pass way, I wouldn't give a damn about him anymore. Well, ho-ho-ho how wrong I was this time! The primary warm emotions and all those cheesy feelings faded away, and I'm still somehow lixed to him, and even though I don't feel that I desperately love him, he is my first thought of the morning and before I go to sleep.
I see his pictures ( I have saved in time before he cut me off from everything) everyday and stare at it imagining what would be like kissing him.


Right now, I mean, half an hour ago, my thoughts were surrounding him and I attempted to send him this following email:
“I miss you, “his name”
I miss your presence even though I have never felt you on my arms.
I miss your lips even though I have never kissed them.
I miss your touch even though you have never touched me.
I miss looking into your eyes even though I never glanced at them.
At the same time I understand how right you are and how is understandable that we keep at distance and forget all this, one side of me keeps fantasizing the possibility of you and me becoming us.
It's crazy. I know. It is 99% inclined to fail. But still...I don't seem to understand. I don't see reason when it is obvious right on my face.
I try to project myself being with someone else, but it just sounds strange and makes me feel so uncomfortable. I don't belong by their side. It just doesn’t feel right. They are not you. They will never be you. You are YOU. And it is you who I want: My tough and at the same time sweet introvert who I want to look after as my small baby, my Man, my companion. It's you who I want by my side. It is you who I can't remove from my mind and heart, and you have hurt me so much through all this, still it does not seem to matter. I can't be mad at you for long, mi amor.
I never imagined that someday I'd have these feelings for a someone who I never thought I'd be interested in the first place.
I'm aware of many issues which are stumbling rocks on our way. I'm aware of your family take on it and everything else related to it. I'm not unconscious of the 100 reasons you have mentioned.
Still, why are these things about feelings so difficult to cope with?


I wish I could see you once.
I wish I could hug you once.
I wish I could kiss you once.
I wish I could be lying down by your side once. Resting my head on your chest and listening to your heartbeats.
I wish I would be the one to welcome you at the door and hug you tight once you are back from wherever you have been.
I wish we would just sit down on the floor and watch a commedy together, me, paying more attention to your laughs than the funny scenes themselves. I'd love to hear how your laugh sounds, how is your facial expression when you genuinely smile. How I wish I'd dive in into those sweet small eyes which keep so many secrets…
Oh mi amor, how I'd like to experiment you. Fully. Seeing your good side and bad side and being satisfied with the full package. I'm aware you're not perfect. I'm not either. In fact, you're well aware of the side of you which I kind of dislike, but still, you mesmerize me. But still I admire you and see in you the man I wish to love for a lifetime. If you would ever give me that chance.


I'll be in the “waiting, not waiting” mode, with the small hope you'll come around at some point.
If you won't. That's fine also. At least, I now know what is to be genuinely in love with someone, even after those “ cheesy feelings” go away, some connection will still remain and they will overcome the ones that I thought love was all about.”
I was about to send him this, but then I decided not, and saved as draft.
If I'll ever have a chance and if this connection will prolong for the next half an year, then, it will surely mean that he had the potentiality to be the man of life. However, signs show that I wouldn't be the woman of his life.
That's okay. It does not hurt so much as before.
And my longing for you does not make me feel miserable, so why is there a reason to want it to stop? Sometimes the best option is just let it be.
And so, I'll let it be.


Marcus Lundgren
How do I know?
Well, I spent 43 years looking for “the one”. And even though it didn’t take me that long to realize that there wasn’t a mythical creature out there somewhere who could fulfill all my needs and desires, I still hung onto the hope that there might be someone who could make the butterflies in my stomach tickle me whenever I saw her.
And there was.
For two decades, I tried what I could to find someone I could even feel comfortable with. And as an introvert with anxiety problems, this wasn’t easy to do because I’ve never liked to socialize at all. Going to parties or night clubs was never something I enjoyed, and the kind of woman I wanted wasn’t very likely to be found there, anyway.
I didn’t know what or who I wanted. Only what I didn’t want. And unfortunately, I only met women I didn’t want to get involved with.
Not bad people at all. They just didn’t seem right somehow. There was no chemistry.


From the age of 20, I was actively trying to find someone.
Or that’s to say, I met people at work and at my usual hangouts like the library and the record store where my friend works, but most of the women at work were married already and I felt too awkward to approach women who were reading a book in private. And because I felt awkward, I looked awkward as well, and I’m sure this put a lot of people off the idea of approaching me.
There was no social media at that time. No Facebook and certainly no Tinder.
You could always put a classified ad in the local paper, but I figured that if it was difficult for me to approach someone cold in a public place, it would be even more terrifying to do so with a completely unknown person I hadn’t even seen.
Eventually all the dating sites and apps became available, but by that time, I was kinda set in my ways and didn’t want to use them.


I was an old-school romantic who’d grown up with people who married and stayed married to their first love. And as naive as that may sound, that’s what was normal to me. That’s the kind of relationship I wanted to find.
Love at first sight. Or at least soon thereafter.
In my 30’s, I’d given up on that idea. I’d become cynical and bitter.
I hadn’t met anyone and I didn’t like to look for someone in the places where people meet. And I especially didn’t like the idea of someone judging my worth from looking at my picture and swiping left or right. Even if someone wanted me, I didn’t want someone who wanted me, purely based on my physical attributes.
It wasn’t until I hit my 40’s that I seriously started to ache for another person’s company. I was afraid that it was too late. That I’d left it too long. That I’d been too much of a coward to seriously make an effort.
Then I found Quora. And by writing here, I suddenly met lots of people who weren’t necessarily looking for relationships, but who nevertheless shared my interests and liked to express their opinions on everything under the sun.
I loved it! I’m not sure why it took so long to discover this site (it would’ve been great to do so much earlier) but once I did, I suddenly had more friends than I’d ever had before in my life. And I felt at home here because people weren’t simply interested in their own status or follower count; many of them were here because they had a lot to say and they wanted to be heard. And to learn from others.
That’s exactly the sort of environment where the woman of my dreams could be lurking. Not that I had any serious faith in that possibility, but I could at least imagine it. It wasn’t out of the question.


I contacted people. People contacted me. I established both friendships and relationships.
It was both beautiful and painful at times. Just like life is supposed to be, I guess.
But that elusive woman I dreamed of failed to materialize.
3 years had gone by and I hadn’t found her. I still enjoyed being on Quora, but my cynicism and bitterness had started to return. I became more and more convinced that I either wasn’t fit for relationships, even online, or else Quora might not be the place to look for them.
I was 43. Desperate and needy. Pathetic. Out of options. Depressed beyond belief.
There was no one for me. There couldn’t be. I wasn’t worthy.
And then she found me.

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

She just showed up one day. Out of the blue.
There was no profile picture to look at, but I was immediately intrigued by the way she introduced herself and let me know the reason for why she’d contacted me.
She didn’t beat around the bush. She’d read my answers and could relate to them.
So much so that she’d actually opened a Quora account, just to be able to talk to me.
Being bitter and cynical, I thought she might be a scammer at first.
I’d had to deal with them in the past, and they often appeared out of nowhere, just like her.


But she was different. Very intelligent and funny. And she knew what she was talking about. There was no pretense about her. She actually had read my answers with great interest, and the way she spoke about things I’d written, it was if she could see right through me.
Almost from day one, we could finish each other’s sentences.
That had only happened with my best friend back at school, and even then,we could only do that because we sat next to each other every day for 9 years.
With her, it took a couple of days! I was amazed. And also a bit scared.
Who was she? How did she know me so well? How come I never got bored with her like I did with most other people? How was she always able to read my mind and say what I wanted to say and the things I’d never told anyone before?
It felt like I’d found a soul mate. A twin sister.


We started talking. All the time. And after several months, we’re still talking. All the time. And I still can’t get enough of her.
As an introvert, my instinct has always been to withdraw. I don’t like having other people around. They drain my energy, just by being there.
I prefer to hang out in my own little bubble where I can do what I want, whenever I want, without others telling me off for doing so or forcing me to pretend to enjoy their company.
But with her, I felt energized and full of hope whenever we spoke.
Seven years of therapy and too many antidepressants can't compare to what she did for me.
And even more impressive, she made me laugh!
For years and years, friends would complain about how stiff and boring I was for not laughing at their jokes, and I always felt embarrassed about that because I wanted to laugh. I just didn’t think they were funny.
But she was. She was a master of surprising me with plot twists and punchlines I could never see coming, and I fucking loved it!

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

That’s what I was looking for. A woman who thought like me and could relate to me.
I tried for a long time to fit in and be like others, but that didn’t work.
If “the one” existed at all, she’d have to be like me: Insecure, patient, empathetic, intelligent, opinionated, funny and a bit naughty, etc.
And she was all of that and so much more.
But apart from being very similar people, what really tipped the scales for me; what truly made me know that I’d been found by “the one” was a few very important things.
She showed me her artwork. She’s a brilliant artist who paints some of the most impressive stuff I’ve ever seen. And she’s also humble about it and would probably hate it if I praised her too much. But I’m very picky with the art I like, and her work impresses me. I’m very proud of her.
As a musician, I always hoped I’d find a woman who was artistic and creative.


She accepted me the way I am, because she’s the same. I didn’t think that could be possible, but no matter how much I tried to “test” her with questions and suspicions, she instantly blew away any such notions by being absolutely real and straightforward with me. And I respect that.
I could be vulnerable with her. When we met, I hadn’t truly cried for over 20 years. I held it all inside and bottled it up. But I found that by being kind and understanding, even when I was behaving like a complete shit, she brought the tears out of me. I couldn’t stop it from happening.
Her words were therapeutic and comforting, and I wept like a baby.
I haven’t told her this, but it was a cathartic experience for me.
My therapists always had a box of tissues if I needed them, but I never did.
Letting someone else see me crying would be the ultimate loss of face, I thought. But with her, it just happened naturally.
I cried. She cried. We cried together. And it was lovely.


I like her courage. She claims to be no braver than me, but she was the one who found me and approached me. She took all the difficult steps.
And I think that’s so fucking cool that she would do that when society so often tells us that it’s the man’s job to woo the woman.
I wish more women would approach first. It’s great. Especially for cowards like me.
I like to talk. A lot. It’s not easy for me to find people who can keep up with me, but when I like someone, I like to talk with them. And most of them give up on me or get bored.
She doesn’t. Or if she does, she’s kind enough to not openly let it bother her.
I used to be concerned about that at first because I was afraid that she’d leave me like the others did when I wanted too much of their time, but she can talk as much as I do. About the same things I like to talk about.

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

And if I can’t think of anything to say, then she takes over and we continue.
I could go on, but let’s just say that I know she’s “the one”.
She’s the first woman I’ve been interested in that I didn’t awkwardly pursue or desperately tried to keep.
She’s with me because she wants to be, and I feel exactly the same way about her.
I have something to look forward to now. Every day she makes me smile.
She’s put a smile on the most hardened cynic in the world.
And for that, I love her.