你想要孩子吗?为什么或为什么不?(下)
2021-10-29 龟兔赛跑 5891
正文翻译

Do you want to have children? Why or why not?

你想要孩子吗?为什么或为什么不?

评论翻译
Maxwell Arnold, Analyst/Content Producer at Global Blockchain. (2017-present)

Maxwell Arnold,全球区块链分析师/内容制作人。(2017年至今)

There is absolutely zero chance that I will ever have kids. ZERO.
Before we decided to try being together, my ex-“fiancée” (who did want kids, and knew that I didn’t) once asked me, “Max, would you rather have a kid, or have cancer?”. I said I’d rather have cancer. I didn’t even have to think about it. I actually cannot think of a worse fate for me than having one or more kids and being responsible for them.
In fact, I would even take this a step further and say that I would rather be dead than have to be a parent. It’s such a horrifying and painful thought to me. Being of this mindset has been a roadblock with several prospective partners - since it seems that the majority of women my age do want to have kids. There’s just no convincing me, though. It simply isn’t going to happen.
Now, you’re probably wondering why I have such extreme views on this. I wasn’t abused as a child or anything. I also don’t necessarily hate kids, or even resist the idea of spending time around them. But I do have many reasons for not wanting to have kids, which I could realistically narrow down to five key things…
I’m selfish
Shamelessly, and with exactly zero hesitation, I will say that the number one reason I don’t want to have kids is the fact that I’m selfish. I want to be able to sleep in regularly. I want to be able to travel spontaneously. I want to be able to indulge in things like fine food and cool experiences. Moreover, I want to enjoy myself. I love life, and I think that it’s kind of counter-productive to interrupt my indulgence in life to make a lifelong commitment to doing something I’m not terribly enthusiastic about (that is, raising kids). My life is about me first, and everybody else second.

我绝对不可能要孩子
在我们决定尝试在一起之前,我的前“未婚妻”(她确实想要孩子,但知道我不想要)曾经问我,“麦克斯,你是想要个孩子,还是得癌症?”。我说我宁愿得癌症。我甚至不需要去想它。事实上,我想不出比生一个或多个孩子并对他们负责更糟糕的命运了。
事实上,我甚至会更进一步,说我宁愿死也不愿做父母。对我来说,这是一个如此可怕和痛苦的想法。这种心态一直是一些潜在伴侣的障碍—因为似乎大多数和我同龄的女性都想要孩子。不过,没有办法说服我,这根本不会发生。
现在,你可能想知道为什么我在这个问题上有如此极端的观点。我小时候没有被虐待过。我也不不是说讨厌孩子,就是不想和他们在一起而已。但我确实有很多不想生孩子的原因,我可以现实地把这些原因归结为五个关键因素。
我很自私
我会无耻且毫不犹豫地说我不想要孩子的第一个原因是我自私。我想有规律地睡懒觉。我想能够自发地旅行。我希望能够沉迷于美食和酷炫体验。而且,我想玩得开心。我热爱生活,我认为打断我对生活的沉迷,做出终身的承诺去做一些我不太热衷的事情(即抚养孩子),会适得其反。我的生活首先是关于我自己,其次是关于其他人。

It’s a luxury
I’ve caught a lot of backlash for having this opinion - but I stand by it. Anyone who thinks that having kids isn’t a luxury is delusional. By choosing to have kids, you are making a conscious choice to take on thousands of dollars in fixed and variable costs per year, per child (not to mention the opportunity cost of time taken to raise your kids). If your household has a stable, predictable income that can support that - then that’s not a huge deal. But for people my age, who can barely get a job to support themselves… where exactly are they supposed to get this money from? I’m 25 years old and I still live at my dad’s house. I have confidence that one day I’ll be able to move out and support myself. But will I be able to do that and have enough money left over to support dependent children? I highly doubt that. Even if I did, I’d want to use that money for my own enjoyment - not fit it into some “See?! I can afford kids!” financial exercise.
So many things can go wrong
Aside from being a luxury, becoming a parent is a risk. The amount of possibilities that exist for things to go wrong is endless. What if they’re born with an illness that cannot be cured? What if they have mental problems and we have to lock up every thing in the house that they could use to harm themselves? What if they fall into the wrong crowd and get into trouble? What if they get pregnant at 15 and make me a grandpa when I’m in my 40s and entirely unprepared for that? The second you have a kid, you are exposing yourself to a bottomless pit of things that can go wrong - for which, you are ultimately responsible (directly or indirectly). Being the selfish person who I am, I’d much rather enjoy myself with very little risk, than bear this risk for the possibility of it being rewarding.

孩子是奢侈品
我因为有这样的观点而受到了很多反对,但我坚持这样做。任何认为生孩子不是奢侈品的人都是妄想。一旦选择生孩子,你是在有意识地选择每年为每个孩子承担数千美元的固定和可变成本(更不用说抚养孩子所花费的时间的机会成本)。如果你的家庭有稳定的、可预测的收入来支持这一点,那就没什么大不了的了。但对于我这个年纪的人来说,他们几乎找不到工作来养活自己。他们到底应该从哪里得到这笔钱?我25岁了,我仍然住在我爸爸的家里。我有信心有一天我能搬出去且养活自己。但我能做到这一点,并有足够的剩余资金来支持抚养一个孩子吗?我对此深表怀疑,即使我能做到,我也会想把这些钱用在我自己的享受上—而不是用在一些“看?!我养得起孩子!”的财务活动上。
很多事情都会出错
除了孩子是奢侈品之外,成为父母也是一种风险。出现问题的可能性是无穷的。如果他们生来就患有无法治愈的疾病怎么办?如果他们有精神问题,我们必须把房子里所有他们可能用来伤害自己的东西都锁起来怎么办?如果他们加入错误的队伍并陷入麻烦呢?如果他们15岁就怀孕了,让我40多岁的就当爷爷,而且完全没有准备好怎么办?一旦你有了孩子,你就将自己暴露在可能出错的无底深渊中—这最终是你的责任(直接或间接)。作为一个自私自利的人,我宁愿在风险很小的情况下享受生活,也不愿为了可能的回报而承担风险

I never got to be a kid myself
Okay, so, I’ve never actually been diagnosed - but I am 100% certain that I have Asperger’s syndrome (on the autistic spectrum). While I’ll admit that my parents did make an effort to try and get me to do things that were normal for kids my age, it just wasn’t possible. I didn’t have the social skills to “hang out” with friends (it took me until my early 20s to understand what “hanging out” even is). So this resulted in me spending a lot of time on the internet, or pursuing things that I could do by myself. Now that I’ve matured to the point where I have, in a way, “beaten” those restrictions, I’ve come to realize that even if I wanted to be a parent, I don’t know what childhood is supposed to be like… since it’s something I never actually got to experience for myself.
I come from a family of divorces
This sounds like a total cop-out, which is why I saved it for last. Nevertheless, I maintain its relevance. My family has a ridiculous amount of divorces in it. Like, to the point that I actually assume other peoples’ parents are divorced since my brain views divorce as a natural step that follows any given marriage. So I was unintentionally brought up to view children as being the inconvenient factor that forces two people who dislike each other to stay in contact - which, at times, made me feel guilty for existing. Even though my parents didn’t separate until I was 18, my mom had started planning her “escape” nearly a decade before that - and it was clear to me that they were essentially keeping up the charade of a functional marriage for the benefit of my brother and I. Having spent so many years in that awkward void of “we’re only being civil to each other because we have these kids to bring up” made me realize that I never want to be in that position or situation. Not just because I don’t want to be “trapped” in that construct of a marriage gone bad with kids to bring up; but also because I know how horrible it feels as a child to be stuck in that - and that’s something I’d never want to make even my worst enemy feel, let alone my own children.
Despite all of this, I am fairly certain that I’d be the “cool uncle” to any kids that my brother or my cousins might have. But for them - that’s their choice to make. My decision to not have kids is an educated, realistic, and pragmatic one. My family members all say I’ll change my mind - but I can say with complete certainty that won’t be the case.

我自己也从来没有当过孩子
好吧,我从来没有被诊断过—但我100%确定我患有阿斯伯格综合症(孤独症谱系)。虽然我承认我的父母确实努力让我做一些对我这个年龄的孩子来说很正常的事情,但这是不可能的。我没有与朋友“闲逛”的社交技能(直到20出头我才明白什么是“闲逛”)。所以这导致我花了很多时间在互联网上,或者追求我可以自己做的事情。现在我已经成熟到一定程度,在某种程度上,我已经“战胜”了这些限制,我开始意识到,即使我想成为一名家长,我也不知道童年应该是什么样的,因为这是我从未真正体验过的。
我来自一个离婚家庭
这听起来像是在逃避责任,所以我把它留到最后。尽管如此,我仍然坚持其相关性。我的家庭有很多离异案例。比如,我实际上会假设其他人的父母离婚了,因为我的大脑将离婚视为任何特定婚姻之后的自然步骤。因此,我无意中被教育认为孩子是一个不方便的因素,迫使两个互不喜欢的人保持联系—这有时让我为自己的存在感到内疚。尽管我的父母直到我18岁才分居,但在那之前的近十年里,我妈妈就开始计划她的“逃跑”—我很清楚,他们基本上是在为我和我兄弟的利益而进行伪装。在这种尴尬的婚姻空虚中度过了这么多年“我们只是对彼此有礼貌,因为我们有这些孩子要抚养”让我意识到我从来都不想处于那种境地。不仅仅是因为我不想被“困住”在这样的婚姻中—有孩子要抚养,但也因为我知道作为一个孩子,陷入这样的境地是多么可怕—我甚至永远都不想让我最坏的敌人感受到的,更不用说我自己的孩子了。
尽管如此,我相当肯定我会成为我兄弟或表兄弟姐妹可能有的任何孩子眼中的“酷叔叔”。对他们来说,这是他们的选择。我不生孩子的决定是一个受过教育的、现实的、务实的决定。我的家人都说我会改变主意,但我可以完全肯定地说,情况不会如此。

Robyn Angela, writer, reader, Chess learner

罗宾·安吉拉,作家,读者,国际象棋学习者

No, I don’t. I don’t know exactly why I don’t want them. I’m not so dull that I haven’t pondered the why of it. There are plenty of reasons I could offer as explanation—good reasons, reasons that inspire most childless/free people to not procreate. But I’m not convinced those are the reasons for me not wanting kids.
I just…really don’t care to be a mother.
I liken my lack of interest in having and raising my own child to having and caring for a horse.
There’re plenty of “horsey people” out there, people gung ho about training, riding, jumping, rodeo events, or even just going for a gallop on a lovely equine on a lovely day.
Horsey people have a lifestyle. They love their horses. They love the riding gear, the culture, etc. Sure, it takes a lot of effort and money to care for the horse. You’ve got shoes, brushing, stable fees, saddles, and the myriad other things that go into having one of these beautiful beasts. Then there’s the whole question of whether to breed your horse or not. I can’t even imagine what goes into that.

我不想要。我不知道我为什么不想要他们。我还不至于笨到没有思考过为什么会这样。我可以提供很多理由作为解释—不错理由,这些理由激励大多数无子女/自由人不要生育。但我不相信这就是我不想要孩子的原因。
我只是真的不想当妈妈。
我把我对拥有和抚养自己的孩子缺乏兴趣比作拥有和照顾一匹马。
那里有很多“骑马的人”,人们热衷于训练、骑马、跳跃、牛仔竞技比赛,甚至只是在一个美好的日子骑着一匹可爱的马疾驰。
爱骑马的人有自己的生活方式。他们喜欢他们的马。他们喜欢骑马用具、文化等等。当然,照顾这匹马需要付出很多努力和金钱。你有鞋子,刷牙,马厩费,马鞍,还有其他无数的东西,这些东西都可以让你拥有这些美丽的野兽。然后是是否要饲养你的马的整个问题。我甚至无法想象会发生什么。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


I know very little about horses, and I’m not particularly interested in them. They’re beautiful, and I enjoy seeing pics and videos of happy horse riders on happy horses. I don’t search out info about horses, but if someone says, Hey, check out this horse, I’ll look.
Again, I have no interest in them myself and certainly have no interest in getting a horse myself. I’m assuming most people reading this are the same. Horses are a pricey and very specific hobby.
Now, what if owning, caring for, and riding horses was the default activity of the majority of people in your country? What if it was what you’re expected to do? No one asks, Are you going to get a horse? They ask you, So when are you getting a horse? You better hurry!
That’s how I feel if asked about having children. What a very expensive, time-consuming, and specific interest! I think kids are fun, and babies are actually amazing. But going out of my way to produce, carry, bear, and bring up a human child? Nah. I’m just as likely to view, choose, buy, keep, and ride a freakin’ horse.
That said, motherhood itself is interesting. I enjoy reading Scary Mommy articles and seeing pics of my friends’ babies, kids, and teenagers. But motherhood in the abstract and first-day-of-school pictures are unrelated to my own reproductive system. They don’t spark urges or yearnings in me. When I was a teenager, such things did have an effect on me, but I grew up, so…
So yeah. I just don’t want to have kids. I don’t have an amazing career that I love and wouldn’t give up for motherhood. I don’t have a life of luxury that I’d hate to sacrifice for a kid. I don’t have a bunch of money from not having a kid that I don’t want to spend on having a kid. I don’t hate kids or find them weird or annoying.

我对马知之甚少,对它们也不是特别感兴趣。它们很漂亮,我喜欢看骑着马的快乐骑马者的照片和视频。我不会搜索关于马的信息,但如果有人说,嘿,看看这匹马,我会去看看。
再说一次,我自己也对它们不感兴趣,当然我自己也对养匹马不感兴趣。我想读这条评论的大多数人都是一样的。养马是一种昂贵且特殊的嗜好。
现在,如果拥有、照顾和骑马是你们国家大多数人的默认活动,那会怎么样?如果这是你应该做的呢?没人问你要去弄匹马吗?只会问你:你什么时候有马?你最好快点!
如果被问到要孩子的问题,我就是这样想的。这是一个多么昂贵、耗时和特殊的兴趣啊!我认为孩子们很有趣,而婴儿们真的很了不起。但我会不遗余力地生产、携带、生育和抚养一个人类的孩子吗?不。就如同我也同样喜欢看、选、买、养、骑一匹怪胎马。
也就是说,做母亲本身很有趣。我喜欢读恐怖的妈咪文章,看朋友的婴儿、孩子和青少年的照片。但抽象的母亲形象和上学第一天的照片与我自己的生殖系统无关。它们不会在我身上激起冲动或渴望。当我十几岁的时候,这些事情确实对我有影响,但我长大了,所以…...
所以我只是不想有孩子。尽管我职业并不令人惊叹,但我爱它,不会为了做母亲而放弃。我不愿意为孩子牺牲奢侈的生活。我没有因为没有孩子而攒下一大笔钱,我也不想把钱花在孩子身上。我不讨厌孩子,也不觉得他们奇怪或烦人。

Anna Karenina
I have one kid and it's enough.
So my answer is NO.
Reasons:
Huge responsibility - every day I'm wondering how will look my kid's life, will he be happy, will he be healthy, will he have good friends, goals in life.
I have huge noise all the time, in the morning, in the evening, all the time. I prefer quiet.
I don't know how to talk to my kid. We are still fighting.
I don't like play with him.
I don't like to help him with homework, I'm not patient unfortunately.
I don't like mess at home, in his room even. I can watch extremely chaos there, I can ask thousands times for take clothes from floor, but nothing is working.
I'm not free anymore.
I can't travel when I want I have to take into account that he goes to school and travel with him ( I like it).
I can't live abroad, because he has school here, he don't speak English, and he won't quickly adopt abroad because some reasons.

我有一个孩子,但够了。
所以我的答案是否定的。原因:
巨大的责任—每天我都在想我孩子的生活会是什么样子,他会快乐吗,他会健康吗,他会有好朋友和生活中的目标吗?
我每天早上、晚上都听到很大的噪音,我喜欢安静。
我不知道怎么和我的孩子说话。甚至我们之间会“战斗”。
我不喜欢和他一起玩。
不幸的是我没有耐心,我不喜欢帮他做作业。
我不喜欢家里乱七八糟,甚至不喜欢他的房间。我可以看到那里非常混乱,我可以要求他数千次拿起地板上的衣服,但什么都不起作用。
我不再有空闲时间了。
我不能在我想旅行的时候去旅行,我必须考虑到他上学和跟他一起旅行(我喜欢这样)。
我不能住在国外,因为他在这里上学,他不会说英语,而且由于某些原因,他不会很快接受国外的生活。

 
收藏译文