2021-10-30 龟兔赛跑 6593

Do you want to have children? Why or why not?


Maxwell Arnold, Analyst/Content Producer at Global Blockchain. (2017-present)

Maxwell Arnold,全球区块链分析师/内容制作人。(2017年至今)

There is absolutely zero chance that I will ever have kids. ZERO.
Before we decided to try being together, my ex-“fiancée” (who did want kids, and knew that I didn’t) once asked me, “Max, would you rather have a kid, or have cancer?”. I said I’d rather have cancer. I didn’t even have to think about it. I actually cannot think of a worse fate for me than having one or more kids and being responsible for them.
In fact, I would even take this a step further and say that I would rather be dead than have to be a parent. It’s such a horrifying and painful thought to me. Being of this mindset has been a roadblock with several prospective partners - since it seems that the majority of women my age do want to have kids. There’s just no convincing me, though. It simply isn’t going to happen.
Now, you’re probably wondering why I have such extreme views on this. I wasn’t abused as a child or anything. I also don’t necessarily hate kids, or even resist the idea of spending time around them. But I do have many reasons for not wanting to have kids, which I could realistically narrow down to five key things…
I’m selfish
Shamelessly, and with exactly zero hesitation, I will say that the number one reason I don’t want to have kids is the fact that I’m selfish. I want to be able to sleep in regularly. I want to be able to travel spontaneously. I want to be able to indulge in things like fine food and cool experiences. Moreover, I want to enjoy myself. I love life, and I think that it’s kind of counter-productive to interrupt my indulgence in life to make a lifelong commitment to doing something I’m not terribly enthusiastic about (that is, raising kids). My life is about me first, and everybody else second.


It’s a luxury
I’ve caught a lot of backlash for having this opinion - but I stand by it. Anyone who thinks that having kids isn’t a luxury is delusional. By choosing to have kids, you are making a conscious choice to take on thousands of dollars in fixed and variable costs per year, per child (not to mention the opportunity cost of time taken to raise your kids). If your household has a stable, predictable income that can support that - then that’s not a huge deal. But for people my age, who can barely get a job to support themselves… where exactly are they supposed to get this money from? I’m 25 years old and I still live at my dad’s house. I have confidence that one day I’ll be able to move out and support myself. But will I be able to do that and have enough money left over to support dependent children? I highly doubt that. Even if I did, I’d want to use that money for my own enjoyment - not fit it into some “See?! I can afford kids!” financial exercise.
So many things can go wrong
Aside from being a luxury, becoming a parent is a risk. The amount of possibilities that exist for things to go wrong is endless. What if they’re born with an illness that cannot be cured? What if they have mental problems and we have to lock up every thing in the house that they could use to harm themselves? What if they fall into the wrong crowd and get into trouble? What if they get pregnant at 15 and make me a grandpa when I’m in my 40s and entirely unprepared for that? The second you have a kid, you are exposing yourself to a bottomless pit of things that can go wrong - for which, you are ultimately responsible (directly or indirectly). Being the selfish person who I am, I’d much rather enjoy myself with very little risk, than bear this risk for the possibility of it being rewarding.


I never got to be a kid myself
Okay, so, I’ve never actually been diagnosed - but I am 100% certain that I have Asperger’s syndrome (on the autistic spectrum). While I’ll admit that my parents did make an effort to try and get me to do things that were normal for kids my age, it just wasn’t possible. I didn’t have the social skills to “hang out” with friends (it took me until my early 20s to understand what “hanging out” even is). So this resulted in me spending a lot of time on the internet, or pursuing things that I could do by myself. Now that I’ve matured to the point where I have, in a way, “beaten” those restrictions, I’ve come to realize that even if I wanted to be a parent, I don’t know what childhood is supposed to be like… since it’s something I never actually got to experience for myself.
I come from a family of divorces
This sounds like a total cop-out, which is why I saved it for last. Nevertheless, I maintain its relevance. My family has a ridiculous amount of divorces in it. Like, to the point that I actually assume other peoples’ parents are divorced since my brain views divorce as a natural step that follows any given marriage. So I was unintentionally brought up to view children as being the inconvenient factor that forces two people who dislike each other to stay in contact - which, at times, made me feel guilty for existing. Even though my parents didn’t separate until I was 18, my mom had started planning her “escape” nearly a decade before that - and it was clear to me that they were essentially keeping up the charade of a functional marriage for the benefit of my brother and I. Having spent so many years in that awkward void of “we’re only being civil to each other because we have these kids to bring up” made me realize that I never want to be in that position or situation. Not just because I don’t want to be “trapped” in that construct of a marriage gone bad with kids to bring up; but also because I know how horrible it feels as a child to be stuck in that - and that’s something I’d never want to make even my worst enemy feel, let alone my own children.
Despite all of this, I am fairly certain that I’d be the “cool uncle” to any kids that my brother or my cousins might have. But for them - that’s their choice to make. My decision to not have kids is an educated, realistic, and pragmatic one. My family members all say I’ll change my mind - but I can say with complete certainty that won’t be the case.


Robyn Angela, writer, reader, Chess learner


No, I don’t. I don’t know exactly why I don’t want them. I’m not so dull that I haven’t pondered the why of it. There are plenty of reasons I could offer as explanation—good reasons, reasons that inspire most childless/free people to not procreate. But I’m not convinced those are the reasons for me not wanting kids.
I just…really don’t care to be a mother.
I liken my lack of interest in having and raising my own child to having and caring for a horse.
There’re plenty of “horsey people” out there, people gung ho about training, riding, jumping, rodeo events, or even just going for a gallop on a lovely equine on a lovely day.
Horsey people have a lifestyle. They love their horses. They love the riding gear, the culture, etc. Sure, it takes a lot of effort and money to care for the horse. You’ve got shoes, brushing, stable fees, saddles, and the myriad other things that go into having one of these beautiful beasts. Then there’s the whole question of whether to breed your horse or not. I can’t even imagine what goes into that.

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I know very little about horses, and I’m not particularly interested in them. They’re beautiful, and I enjoy seeing pics and videos of happy horse riders on happy horses. I don’t search out info about horses, but if someone says, Hey, check out this horse, I’ll look.
Again, I have no interest in them myself and certainly have no interest in getting a horse myself. I’m assuming most people reading this are the same. Horses are a pricey and very specific hobby.
Now, what if owning, caring for, and riding horses was the default activity of the majority of people in your country? What if it was what you’re expected to do? No one asks, Are you going to get a horse? They ask you, So when are you getting a horse? You better hurry!
That’s how I feel if asked about having children. What a very expensive, time-consuming, and specific interest! I think kids are fun, and babies are actually amazing. But going out of my way to produce, carry, bear, and bring up a human child? Nah. I’m just as likely to view, choose, buy, keep, and ride a freakin’ horse.
That said, motherhood itself is interesting. I enjoy reading Scary Mommy articles and seeing pics of my friends’ babies, kids, and teenagers. But motherhood in the abstract and first-day-of-school pictures are unrelated to my own reproductive system. They don’t spark urges or yearnings in me. When I was a teenager, such things did have an effect on me, but I grew up, so…
So yeah. I just don’t want to have kids. I don’t have an amazing career that I love and wouldn’t give up for motherhood. I don’t have a life of luxury that I’d hate to sacrifice for a kid. I don’t have a bunch of money from not having a kid that I don’t want to spend on having a kid. I don’t hate kids or find them weird or annoying.


Anna Karenina
I have one kid and it's enough.
So my answer is NO.
Huge responsibility - every day I'm wondering how will look my kid's life, will he be happy, will he be healthy, will he have good friends, goals in life.
I have huge noise all the time, in the morning, in the evening, all the time. I prefer quiet.
I don't know how to talk to my kid. We are still fighting.
I don't like play with him.
I don't like to help him with homework, I'm not patient unfortunately.
I don't like mess at home, in his room even. I can watch extremely chaos there, I can ask thousands times for take clothes from floor, but nothing is working.
I'm not free anymore.
I can't travel when I want I have to take into account that he goes to school and travel with him ( I like it).
I can't live abroad, because he has school here, he don't speak English, and he won't quickly adopt abroad because some reasons.