2021-11-19 辽阔天空 5231

Do parents have a favorite child?


Matthew Bates, Teacher (2009-present)


I can only speak for myself:
No. I do not have a favorite child.
However, I do have an internal ranking of my children in terms of how needy they are. It coordinates with their ages. The younger the kid, the more needy they are.
Spending a day with my teenager is a breeze. Spending a day with my 8-year-old son is pretty easy now too. But spending the day with my 4-year-old daughter is hard work. When my wife and I have different places to go, sometimes we split up the kids and each take different kids with us to wherever we’re going. Depending on the situation, I may quietly hope that I get one of the older two kids, because they’ll be easier to handle while I’m out.
That doesn’t make them my favorites. It makes them my oldest and, thus, least needy children. My youngest will be the same, one day.


Katie Anne Holton, I've raised two. They both still talk to me.


Yes, I have a favorite child. In fact, I have two.
I have sons, one 21, the other, 16. I'm not sure it's possible to quantify love. I do know I love both of them with my whole heart. I do, however, have situational favorites.
I love to watch movies with the little one. The big one is always asking questions about what's going on in the movie. "I love you, Son, but shut up and watch the movie. You have a brain the size of a planet. Use it."
I love talking with my firstborn about what's going on in his life. He's 21, and a Junior at UCLA. He has a long-term girlfriend. He and his girlfriend enjoy dinner with me, my partner and the little brother. I don't lecture them. I treat them like the bright engaging young adults they are. Apparently, not so much with my ex or with the girlfriend's parents.
I love going out to dinner with the little one. We like the same restaurants and more often than not, we'll order the same item on the menu.
I enjoy my youngest's sense of humor. He, my partner and I have the same senses of humor. We can never go wrong with a "that's what she said" line.
I love talking with my oldest about his love life. I've been giving him (age appropriate) sex talks since he was a fetus. Now, they're bearing fruit. Because he knows my gender history, he knows that I know what it's like to be a teenage boy experiencing first love and discovering sex for the first time.
He also trusts me to speak from the woman's perspective. He tells me what he gets up to.
I do love both my children differently, but I also love them equally.


Anshika Singh, lives in Madhya Pradesh, India (2002-present)


It was Diwali and my brother had come home from college.
We clicked a few pictures as all of us were decked out in our finest clothes.
I asked my brother for his phone as I wanted to check some pictures we had clicked in his phone.
(Which kinda annoyed him as my mom and I are suckers for good selfies when we dress up nicely. ??)
So he hands over his phone to me after my endless trials of pleading him and trying to mollify him with my puppy eyes.
I don't. Cause I'm a good child at times.
It's just that I'm the youngest in my family and that am the only daughter to my parents, so naturally I get all the pampering and love.
But yes, I do think parents definitely have a favorite child, although they might not like to admit it openly. ??
But yes, I think my parents often try to maintain a balance sometimes when I act unreasonable by telling me how good their two sons are.
And yes, I concur with them, I've got wonderful brothers.
But this happens pretty rarely. 99% of times, I'm their youngest child who deserves to get all the attention and love. ??
So I'd fancy to believe I'm their favorite child


Lori Jass
When I was little and my baby sister was born my dad told me “Don’t worry, you’re always going to be our Number 1.”
Then fast-forward to about 17 years later when I’m 20 and I’m having a very mature conversation with my parents about life. I mention briefly how they seem to be very involved in my sister’s college hunting and they ask why I mentioned that and I said “Well, because you weren’t in mine. I did it all very much on my own. Like with high school.” They suddenly looked very offended and argued they always supported me in school. I was surprised they never noticed that, but still explained calmly that although there were some moments when they helped me they often still left me to my own devices.
If I got a full score I was told “Good job, but it is your only job after all as a kid.” or “I expected no less from you.” which apparently wasn’t their intention, but nonetheless made me feel quite pressured. Yet my sister would get average scores. If she did slightly better than usual my parents made a fuss out of it and would ask me to compliment her too. I studied hard and often struggled alone. My parents would make me help my sister if she struggled. We sometimes did 75% of some of her projects until mum finally made her step up her act and not be dependent on us. And during high school, which to me was more stressful than college is being now (I did the IB diploma programme), I was either not checked on by my parents or when they did I preferred that they left me alone because it would always be criticism. I would come home from a harsh exam and have them ask me how it went. If I said it was difficult they would immediately be disappointed, assuming I failed. But later with my sister also going through IB and now college when she says an exam or project is difficult my parents console her, saying it’s not the end of the world.


All of this led me to being pretty independent concerning my studies and some other things in my young adult life. For example, I rarely call them, much to their disappointment, though I text once a day (I don’t like talking on the phone in general very much and I’ve told them that, but they still take it to heart). And if I have doubts I don’t immediately seek them for advice if I can figure something out by myself first. My sister, on the other hand, skypes them for hours a day and never hesitates to ask them for help.
Eventually, my parents admitted that they “spoiled” my little sister a bit more because they felt I always had it together. I didn’t get angry at that confession, I was relieved. We even joked about things that I used to hold as bitter memories such as back when my little sister would pretend she “forgot” her pocket money at home and ask for more. With this trick she always carelessly spent away whilst I saved, but still had less than her. And she made fun of me for it, the little devil! Once my parents found out they didn’t tell her off and rather said if I was complaining then I should have been smart like her, but that if I tried this on them it wouldn’t work. Nowadays I laugh because it showed she was going to grow up to be a very creative person, which is true now.


Surprisingly, there were a few occasions when I found out my little sister felt (and sometimes still does) like our parents think more of me because everyone always compared her to my standards. I felt bad hearing that because even before she blossomed academically she already had her own merits. And the comparisons come and go, one always thinking the other is more admired. I learnt that everything seems different through another set of eyes.
They tend to forget this conversation when they deny spoiling her and once in while I have to remind them that they confessed twice. That is not to say I think they favour her, not at all. My dad still says I’m his Number 1 (which I do like), though I knew then and I know now that it just means I was their biological firstborn. Special to them, yes, but I wasn’t even the first (or second or third) child they raised if you count some cousins who my parents cared for (and whom for a while lived with us). My parents have always loved kids and gave up so much to take care of ones who weren’t even their own that I can forgive them for messing up sometimes.
What can seem like favouring is sometimes just parents reacting to a child’s specific personality, needs or the overall situation. I’m not more special than my sister, nor is she more than me, but we both know we are loved and that we are both special to our parents. Which I feel should be the same with every parent, though I know it’s not always true. Still, I hope my future kids feel the same way.


Feef, studied at Bachelor of Arts Degrees in Journalism


As an adult, I once asked my mum if she had liked my brother better, because that’s how I remembered it from my childhood.
‘No!’ she declared, emphatically. ‘I loved you both equally.’
I guess parents don’t have favourites after all.
‘If I ever showed your brother any favouritism,’ she continued, ‘It was only to compensate, because your dad always liked you more.’
Does that answer your question?


Sara Craw, Registered Nurse (Pediatric Critical Care)

Sara Craw,注册护士(儿科重症监护)
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

I remember when my first child was born. I’ve never experienced an emotion so deep. I didn’t “bond” with him immediately- which isn’t as common as one might think!
But I fell in love slowly…it was like a warm honey was poured over me in slow motion. I savored every moment.
Once I was pregnant with my second, I was concerned. I didn’t want a girl. I was used to having a boy and frankly I was so nervous to be a parent to a little woman in today’s society. I was afraid I would fail her. I also was concerned that I loved my first so much that I couldn’t love another as deeply.
When my Sofie was born, the myth was dispelled. She was my favorite too- in a different way. I don’t know what I was so worried about! She was a completely unique baby, a completely different child. Yet she shares the same soulful hazel eyes as her brother, and the same little giggle he had.
I think there are favorite things I like about them both. When my son pitches in his baseball game- he is my favorite. When my daughter claps her hands gleefully when I have a dress on and says “mama you look so pretty!!!” She is my favorite.
They are both my favorites.


Arsha Thapa, 1 older sibling
Back in 2016, my mom got my brother exactly the same shoes that Drake wears in Hotline Bling.
Being a huge Selena fan for years, I had requested my mom numerous times to bring me the SelenaxAdidas collection clothes. I was literally begging.
My first ever request to my mom was a huge disappointment.
Hear me out before you say I don't understand.
Those shoes my brother requested for was some hundred dollars. And I still remember I requested for was $60.
I also wondered if my mom even felt something for me. I thought it was huge for her because it was the first time I ever asked for something which was considered as "big" to me.
Still I proceeded to ask my mom one question : why?
She said she didn't have money.
I then asked her, "How come you say that when you brought him those shoes that are way expensive?"
She said, "I borrowed some money to buy that."
Again, anyone can run out of money. But for her to say she couldn't buy it for me because she ran out of money but to openly state she "borrowed" some to buy my brother shoes made me feel as if his request was a need and mine was a want.

回到2016年,我妈给我哥哥买的鞋和德雷克在《Hotline Bling》里穿的一模一样

At this point, I was speechless.
I really did run out of words to say.
That was probably the only time I wanted something so badly and expected from my mom so badly.
I still bring that up time to time and it still gets me teary-eyed.
It really made me realize how differently I'm treated compared to my brother even though I'd been letting it pass the whole time.
From a child's point of view, yes, parents can have a favorite child.
No, it isn't based on one experience. There are countless other situations where I've felt inferior to none other than my own sibling.
I don't know if it's because he was born first or because I wasn't a child she wanted or because I'm more like my dad (whom she has a bad blood with) or because of the values she grew up with (gender discrimination). Although both (my mom and my brother) deny every statement I make about this, I've felt it all along.


I am currently 25 years old and my younger brother is 17. Discrimination happened every single day in my life. My parents showed every last bit of affection to my brother and don't care a single f*uck about me. Here is an incident that happened at the past…..
I still remember that day. My mom heated a metal stirrer real hot and gave me ‘burn marks' for supposedly ' stealing ' a Mickey Mouse eraser. She didn't even care to listen what I said. The reality is the eraser was found in my school playground with nobody there to claim it. It was during my second grade. Besides what would a second grade child do ? We all must have had a crush on those fancy erasers . I still carry those scars which I received during that day. My father was present at that time and he could have intervened and saved me. He did nothing. Not even comforted me while I was crying in intense pain. How much pain should it have inflicted on a child ? Can you justify it ?
He was in fifth grade as I remember. It is the second year in which students are allowed to use fountain pens. He goes to school one day and returns home with an expensive Parker fountain ink pen ( should have been around $20, which is like ten times more expensive when compared to the pens which he owned ). When my mom asked him whose pen it was he simply said, “ I stole it from my friend “. Guess what my mother did ? She replied, “ Don't get caught “ . Is this justice ? I never did anything wrong yet received brutal punishment while my younger brother walks away casually.
This is just one of the bitter incidents that traumatized me and I wish I could say more. But I don't want to as I live away from my parents and I am trying hard to forget the past.