父母有最喜欢的孩子吗?(上)
2021-11-19 辽阔天空 5231
正文翻译

Do parents have a favorite child?

父母有最喜欢的孩子吗?

评论翻译
Matthew Bates, Teacher (2009-present)

马修·贝茨,教师(2009年至今)

I can only speak for myself:
No. I do not have a favorite child.
However, I do have an internal ranking of my children in terms of how needy they are. It coordinates with their ages. The younger the kid, the more needy they are.
Spending a day with my teenager is a breeze. Spending a day with my 8-year-old son is pretty easy now too. But spending the day with my 4-year-old daughter is hard work. When my wife and I have different places to go, sometimes we split up the kids and each take different kids with us to wherever we’re going. Depending on the situation, I may quietly hope that I get one of the older two kids, because they’ll be easier to handle while I’m out.
That doesn’t make them my favorites. It makes them my oldest and, thus, least needy children. My youngest will be the same, one day.

我只能站自己角度进行探讨:
不,我没有最喜欢的孩子。
然而,我确实有一个关于孩子的内部排名—与他们多需要我有关—它与他们的年龄相关。孩子越小,他们越需要帮助。
和我十几岁的孩子共度一天是轻而易举的事;和我8岁的儿子呆一天也很容易。但是和我4岁的女儿在一起就是件很辛苦的事。当我妻子和我要去不同的地方时,有时我们会把孩子分开分别带着孩子去我们要去的地方。视情况而定,我可能会暗暗地希望我能带两个大一点的孩子中的一个,因为我不在的时候,他们会更容易懂自理。
这并不是说他们就是我的最爱。他们最年长,也因此成为最少操心的孩子。总有一天,我最小的孩子也会一样。

Katie Anne Holton, I've raised two. They both still talk to me.

凯蒂·安妮·霍尔顿,我养了两个孩子,他们仍然和我进行交流。

Yes, I have a favorite child. In fact, I have two.
I have sons, one 21, the other, 16. I'm not sure it's possible to quantify love. I do know I love both of them with my whole heart. I do, however, have situational favorites.
I love to watch movies with the little one. The big one is always asking questions about what's going on in the movie. "I love you, Son, but shut up and watch the movie. You have a brain the size of a planet. Use it."
I love talking with my firstborn about what's going on in his life. He's 21, and a Junior at UCLA. He has a long-term girlfriend. He and his girlfriend enjoy dinner with me, my partner and the little brother. I don't lecture them. I treat them like the bright engaging young adults they are. Apparently, not so much with my ex or with the girlfriend's parents.
I love going out to dinner with the little one. We like the same restaurants and more often than not, we'll order the same item on the menu.
I enjoy my youngest's sense of humor. He, my partner and I have the same senses of humor. We can never go wrong with a "that's what she said" line.
I love talking with my oldest about his love life. I've been giving him (age appropriate) sex talks since he was a fetus. Now, they're bearing fruit. Because he knows my gender history, he knows that I know what it's like to be a teenage boy experiencing first love and discovering sex for the first time.
He also trusts me to speak from the woman's perspective. He tells me what he gets up to.
I do love both my children differently, but I also love them equally.

是的,我有一个最喜欢的孩子。事实上,我有两个孩子。
我有两个儿子,一个21岁,另一个16岁。我不确定是否有可能量化爱。我知道我全心全意地爱他们俩。不过,确实存在有所偏爱(场所不同而不同)。
我喜欢和小的那个一起看电影。大儿子总是问关于电影里发生了什么之类问题。“我爱你,孩子,但是看电影时闭嘴吧。你的大脑有行星那么大,你得用它。”
我喜欢和我的大儿子子谈论他的生活。他21岁,是加州大学洛杉矶分校的大三学生。他有一个谈很久的女朋友。他和他的女朋友与我、我的搭档和弟弟一起享用晚餐。我不教训他们。我对待他们就像对待聪明迷人的年轻人一样。显然,与我的前任或女朋友的父母不太一样。
我喜欢和小家伙出去吃饭。我们喜欢同一家餐馆,而且通常我们会在菜单上点同样的菜。
我喜欢我最小的孩子的幽默感。他、我的搭档和我都有同样的幽默感。“她就是这么说的”这句话永远不会出错。
我喜欢和我的大儿子谈论他的爱情生活。从他还是胎儿时起,我就一直有和他涉及与他年龄相当的性话题。现在它们正在结果实。因为他知道我的性别历史,他知道我知道一个十几岁的男孩经历初恋和第一次发现性是什么感觉。
他也相信我能从女人的角度说话。他告诉我他要干什么。
我确实以不同的方式爱我的两个孩子,但我也同样爱他们。

Anshika Singh, lives in Madhya Pradesh, India (2002-present)

安妮卡·辛格,生活在印度中央邦(2002年至今)

It was Diwali and my brother had come home from college.
We clicked a few pictures as all of us were decked out in our finest clothes.
I asked my brother for his phone as I wanted to check some pictures we had clicked in his phone.
(Which kinda annoyed him as my mom and I are suckers for good selfies when we dress up nicely. ??)
So he hands over his phone to me after my endless trials of pleading him and trying to mollify him with my puppy eyes.
He almost commands me: “DON'T YOU DARE PEEP INTO MY OTHER PICTURES.”
I don't. Cause I'm a good child at times.
It's just that I'm the youngest in my family and that am the only daughter to my parents, so naturally I get all the pampering and love.
But yes, I do think parents definitely have a favorite child, although they might not like to admit it openly. ??
But yes, I think my parents often try to maintain a balance sometimes when I act unreasonable by telling me how good their two sons are.
And yes, I concur with them, I've got wonderful brothers.
But this happens pretty rarely. 99% of times, I'm their youngest child who deserves to get all the attention and love. ??
So I'd fancy to believe I'm their favorite child

那是排灯节,我哥哥大学毕业回家了。
我们拍了几张照片,大家都穿着最好的衣服。
我问我弟弟要他的手机,因为我想查看我们用他手机上拍的一些图片—这让他有点恼火,因为当我们打扮得很漂亮的时候,我妈妈和我都很喜欢自拍。
在我无休止地恳求他,试图用小狗般的眼神安抚他之后,他把手机交给了我。
他几乎命令我:“你不要偷看我的其他照片。”
我不会去偷看。因为我有时候算是个好孩子。
只是因为我是家里最小的,也是父母唯一女儿,所以我很自然地得到了父母的宠爱。
但是,是的,我确实认为父母肯定有一个最喜欢的孩子,尽管他们可能不愿意公开承认。
但是,是的,我想当我表现不佳时,我的父母经常试图保持平衡,告诉我他们的两个儿子有多好。
是的,我同意他们的看法,我有很好的兄弟。
但这种情况很少发生。99%的时候,我作为他们最小的孩子,应该是得了到所有的关注和爱。
所以我想相信我是他们最喜欢的孩子。

Lori Jass
When I was little and my baby sister was born my dad told me “Don’t worry, you’re always going to be our Number 1.”
Then fast-forward to about 17 years later when I’m 20 and I’m having a very mature conversation with my parents about life. I mention briefly how they seem to be very involved in my sister’s college hunting and they ask why I mentioned that and I said “Well, because you weren’t in mine. I did it all very much on my own. Like with high school.” They suddenly looked very offended and argued they always supported me in school. I was surprised they never noticed that, but still explained calmly that although there were some moments when they helped me they often still left me to my own devices.
If I got a full score I was told “Good job, but it is your only job after all as a kid.” or “I expected no less from you.” which apparently wasn’t their intention, but nonetheless made me feel quite pressured. Yet my sister would get average scores. If she did slightly better than usual my parents made a fuss out of it and would ask me to compliment her too. I studied hard and often struggled alone. My parents would make me help my sister if she struggled. We sometimes did 75% of some of her projects until mum finally made her step up her act and not be dependent on us. And during high school, which to me was more stressful than college is being now (I did the IB diploma programme), I was either not checked on by my parents or when they did I preferred that they left me alone because it would always be criticism. I would come home from a harsh exam and have them ask me how it went. If I said it was difficult they would immediately be disappointed, assuming I failed. But later with my sister also going through IB and now college when she says an exam or project is difficult my parents console her, saying it’s not the end of the world.

当我很小的时候,我的小妹妹出生了,我爸爸告诉我“别担心,你永远是我们的最爱。”
然后快进到17年后,当我20岁的时候,我正在和我的父母就人生进行一次非常成熟的对话。我简短地提到他们似乎非常关心我妹妹的大学就业问题,他们问我为什么提到那件事,我说,“因为我大学里的这一切都是我自己像高中一样独自完成,你从未参与”他们突然显得非常生气,并争辩说他们在学校里一直支持我。我很惊讶他们从来没有注意到这一点,但仍然平静地解释说,尽管有些时候他们帮助我,但他们仍然是让我自己去做。
如果我得了满分,他们会告诉我“干得好,但这毕竟是你小时候唯一的工作。”或者“我对你的期望不低。”这显然不是他们的本意,但还是让我感到很大的压力。然而,我的妹妹只能得到平均分数。如果她考得比平时稍微好一点,我父母就会小题大做(在我看来),也会请我赞美她。我努力学习,经常独自奋斗。如果我妹妹感觉到困难,我父母会让我帮助她。我们有时帮她干掉75%的内容,直到妈妈最终让她行动起来,不再依赖我们。高中期间,对我来说比现在的大学压力更大(我参加了IB文凭课程),我要么没有得到父母的检查,要么在他们检查的时候,我宁愿他们让我一个人呆着,因为永远都是批评。当经历一场艰苦的考试后回家,他们问我考得怎么样。如果我说这很难,他们会立即失望,假设我已经失败了。但后来我妹妹也在读IB,现在上大学,她说考试或项目很难,我父母安慰她说,这不是世界末日。

All of this led me to being pretty independent concerning my studies and some other things in my young adult life. For example, I rarely call them, much to their disappointment, though I text once a day (I don’t like talking on the phone in general very much and I’ve told them that, but they still take it to heart). And if I have doubts I don’t immediately seek them for advice if I can figure something out by myself first. My sister, on the other hand, skypes them for hours a day and never hesitates to ask them for help.
Eventually, my parents admitted that they “spoiled” my little sister a bit more because they felt I always had it together. I didn’t get angry at that confession, I was relieved. We even joked about things that I used to hold as bitter memories such as back when my little sister would pretend she “forgot” her pocket money at home and ask for more. With this trick she always carelessly spent away whilst I saved, but still had less than her. And she made fun of me for it, the little devil! Once my parents found out they didn’t tell her off and rather said if I was complaining then I should have been smart like her, but that if I tried this on them it wouldn’t work. Nowadays I laugh because it showed she was going to grow up to be a very creative person, which is true now.

所有这些都让我在学习和其他一些事情上变得非常独立。例如,我很少给他们打电话,这让他们很失望,不过我每天发一次短信(我一般不太喜欢打电话,我已经告诉过他们了,但他们仍然把这件事放在心上)。如果我有疑问,我不会立即寻求他们的建议,尽量自己先弄明白一些事情。另一方面,我妹妹每天用skypes与他们通话数小时,毫不犹豫地向他们寻求帮助。
最后,我的父母承认他们存在“宠坏”了我的小妹妹,因为他们觉得我总是和他们在一起。坦白说,我没有感到宽慰。我们甚至开玩笑说,我常常把过去一些事情当作痛苦的回忆,比如我的小妹妹会假装把零花钱“忘”在家里,要求更多的钱。在我存钱的时候,她总是这样漫不经心地花掉,而我却存起来,但还是比她少。她还为此取笑我,这个小恶魔!一旦我的父母发现,他们并没有责备她,而是说,我应该像她一样聪明,但如果我在他们身上尝试这种方法,那就行不通。现在我笑是因为这表明她长大后会成为一个非常有创造力的人,现在成为现实。

Surprisingly, there were a few occasions when I found out my little sister felt (and sometimes still does) like our parents think more of me because everyone always compared her to my standards. I felt bad hearing that because even before she blossomed academically she already had her own merits. And the comparisons come and go, one always thinking the other is more admired. I learnt that everything seems different through another set of eyes.
They tend to forget this conversation when they deny spoiling her and once in while I have to remind them that they confessed twice. That is not to say I think they favour her, not at all. My dad still says I’m his Number 1 (which I do like), though I knew then and I know now that it just means I was their biological firstborn. Special to them, yes, but I wasn’t even the first (or second or third) child they raised if you count some cousins who my parents cared for (and whom for a while lived with us). My parents have always loved kids and gave up so much to take care of ones who weren’t even their own that I can forgive them for messing up sometimes.
What can seem like favouring is sometimes just parents reacting to a child’s specific personality, needs or the overall situation. I’m not more special than my sister, nor is she more than me, but we both know we are loved and that we are both special to our parents. Which I feel should be the same with every parent, though I know it’s not always true. Still, I hope my future kids feel the same way.

令人惊讶的是,有几次我发现我的小妹妹觉得(有时仍然如此)我们的父母更看重我,因为每个人都把她和我的标准相比较。听到这件事我感到很难过,因为即使在她在学业上取得成功之前,她已经有了自己的优点。这种比较时来时去,一方总是认为另一方更受赞赏。我通过另一双眼睛了解到一切似乎一切都不一样。
当他们否认宠坏了她时,他们往往会忘记这段对话,有一次我不得不提醒他们,他们坦白了两次。这并不是说我认为他们偏爱她,一点也不。我爸爸仍然说我是他的最爱(我很喜欢),尽管我当时知道,现在也知道这只是意味着我是他们的第一个孩子。是的,对他们来说很特别,但如果你算上我父母照顾的一些堂兄弟姐妹(和我们一起住了一段时间),我甚至不是他们抚养的第一个(或第二个或第三个)孩子。我的父母一直都很爱孩子,为了照顾那些甚至不是他们自己的孩子,他们放弃了太多,尽管他们有时把事情搞砸了,但我不介意。
有时,父母对孩子的特殊性格、需求或整体情况做出的反应似乎是偏爱。我并不比我姐姐特别,她也不比我特别,但我们都知道我们被爱着,我们对父母都很特别。我觉得每个父母都应该如此,尽管我知道这并不总是正确的。不过,我希望我未来的孩子也有同样的感受。

Feef, studied at Bachelor of Arts Degrees in Journalism

Feef,攻读新闻学学士学位

As an adult, I once asked my mum if she had liked my brother better, because that’s how I remembered it from my childhood.
‘No!’ she declared, emphatically. ‘I loved you both equally.’
I guess parents don’t have favourites after all.
‘If I ever showed your brother any favouritism,’ she continued, ‘It was only to compensate, because your dad always liked you more.’
Does that answer your question?

作为一个成年人,我曾经问我妈妈她是否更喜欢我的弟弟,因为我小时候就是这个印象。
“不!”她坚决地说:“我同等爱你们两个。”
我想父母毕竟没有最喜欢的。
“如果我对你弟弟有任何偏袒,”她继续说,“那只是为了补偿,因为你爸爸总是更喜欢你。”
这回答了你的问题吗?

Sara Craw, Registered Nurse (Pediatric Critical Care)

Sara Craw,注册护士(儿科重症监护)
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


I remember when my first child was born. I’ve never experienced an emotion so deep. I didn’t “bond” with him immediately- which isn’t as common as one might think!
But I fell in love slowly…it was like a warm honey was poured over me in slow motion. I savored every moment.
Once I was pregnant with my second, I was concerned. I didn’t want a girl. I was used to having a boy and frankly I was so nervous to be a parent to a little woman in today’s society. I was afraid I would fail her. I also was concerned that I loved my first so much that I couldn’t love another as deeply.
When my Sofie was born, the myth was dispelled. She was my favorite too- in a different way. I don’t know what I was so worried about! She was a completely unique baby, a completely different child. Yet she shares the same soulful hazel eyes as her brother, and the same little giggle he had.
I think there are favorite things I like about them both. When my son pitches in his baseball game- he is my favorite. When my daughter claps her hands gleefully when I have a dress on and says “mama you look so pretty!!!” She is my favorite.
They are both my favorites.

我还记得我第一个孩子出生的时候。我从未经历过如此深刻的情感。我并没有立即和他“建立联系”——这并不像人们想象的那么常见!
但我慢慢地爱上了他,就像用慢动作把温暖的蜂蜜浇在我身上,我享受着每一刻。
当我怀上第二个孩子时,我很担心。我不想要女孩。我已经习惯了有一个男孩,坦白地说,在当今社会,要做一个小女人的父母让我很紧张。我怕会让她失望。我还担心我会太爱我的第一个孩子以至于我不能深爱另一个
当我的苏菲(Sofie)出生时,这个神话就被打破了。她也是我最喜欢的人—只是方式不同。我不知道我在担心什么!她是一个完全独特的婴儿,一个完全不同的孩子。然而,她却有着和哥哥一样深情的淡褐色眼睛,也和哥哥一样咯咯地笑
我觉得他们俩都有我喜欢的地方,当我儿子在棒球比赛中投球时,他是我的最爱。当我穿上裙子,女儿高兴地拍手说“妈妈,你看起来真漂亮!”时,她是我的最爱。
它们都是我的最爱。

Arsha Thapa, 1 older sibling
Back in 2016, my mom got my brother exactly the same shoes that Drake wears in Hotline Bling.
Being a huge Selena fan for years, I had requested my mom numerous times to bring me the SelenaxAdidas collection clothes. I was literally begging.
My first ever request to my mom was a huge disappointment.
Hear me out before you say I don't understand.
Those shoes my brother requested for was some hundred dollars. And I still remember I requested for was $60.
I also wondered if my mom even felt something for me. I thought it was huge for her because it was the first time I ever asked for something which was considered as "big" to me.
Still I proceeded to ask my mom one question : why?
She said she didn't have money.
I then asked her, "How come you say that when you brought him those shoes that are way expensive?"
She said, "I borrowed some money to buy that."
Again, anyone can run out of money. But for her to say she couldn't buy it for me because she ran out of money but to openly state she "borrowed" some to buy my brother shoes made me feel as if his request was a need and mine was a want.

回到2016年,我妈给我哥哥买的鞋和德雷克在《Hotline Bling》里穿的一模一样
作为赛琳娜多年的铁杆粉丝,我曾无数次要求妈妈给我买赛琳娜-阿迪达斯系列的衣服,我真的是在乞求。
我第一次向我妈妈提出请求时非常失望。
在你说我听不懂之前,应该先听我说完。
我哥哥要的那双鞋大约是一百美元。我还记得我要的是60美元。
我还想知道我妈妈是否对我有感觉。我觉得这对她来说该很重要,因为这是我第一次提出对我来说很“重要”的要求
我仍然继续问我妈妈一个问题:为什么?
她说她没有钱。
我问她:“你给他买了那么贵的鞋子,你怎么能这么说呢?
她说:“我借钱买的。
再说一次,任何人都可能缺钱。但她说她没钱了,所以不能给我买,但公开说她“借”了一些钱给我哥哥买鞋子,让我觉得他的要求是必须,而我的要求是想要。

At this point, I was speechless.
I really did run out of words to say.
That was probably the only time I wanted something so badly and expected from my mom so badly.
I still bring that up time to time and it still gets me teary-eyed.
It really made me realize how differently I'm treated compared to my brother even though I'd been letting it pass the whole time.
From a child's point of view, yes, parents can have a favorite child.
No, it isn't based on one experience. There are countless other situations where I've felt inferior to none other than my own sibling.
I don't know if it's because he was born first or because I wasn't a child she wanted or because I'm more like my dad (whom she has a bad blood with) or because of the values she grew up with (gender discrimination). Although both (my mom and my brother) deny every statement I make about this, I've felt it all along.

这时,我无言以对。
我真的说不出话来了。
那可能是我唯一一次如此迫切地想要得到某样东西,并且如此迫切地期望从妈妈那里得到。
我仍然时常提起这件事,它仍然让我泪流满面。
这真的让我意识到,与我哥哥相比,我受到的待遇是多么的不同,尽管我一直想不放在心上。
从孩子的角度来看,是的,父母可以有一个最喜欢的孩子。
这不是基于一次经验感觉到的,在很多情况下我都觉得自己不如自己的兄弟姐妹。
我不知道是因为他是先出生的,还是因为我不是她想要的孩子,或者是因为我更像我的父亲(她和他有过节),或者是因为她在成长过程中的价值观(性别歧视)。虽然我的母亲和哥哥都否认我对此事的每一个说法,但我一直都有这种感觉。

Anonymous
I am currently 25 years old and my younger brother is 17. Discrimination happened every single day in my life. My parents showed every last bit of affection to my brother and don't care a single f*uck about me. Here is an incident that happened at the past…..
I still remember that day. My mom heated a metal stirrer real hot and gave me ‘burn marks' for supposedly ' stealing ' a Mickey Mouse eraser. She didn't even care to listen what I said. The reality is the eraser was found in my school playground with nobody there to claim it. It was during my second grade. Besides what would a second grade child do ? We all must have had a crush on those fancy erasers . I still carry those scars which I received during that day. My father was present at that time and he could have intervened and saved me. He did nothing. Not even comforted me while I was crying in intense pain. How much pain should it have inflicted on a child ? Can you justify it ?
He was in fifth grade as I remember. It is the second year in which students are allowed to use fountain pens. He goes to school one day and returns home with an expensive Parker fountain ink pen ( should have been around $20, which is like ten times more expensive when compared to the pens which he owned ). When my mom asked him whose pen it was he simply said, “ I stole it from my friend “. Guess what my mother did ? She replied, “ Don't get caught “ . Is this justice ? I never did anything wrong yet received brutal punishment while my younger brother walks away casually.
This is just one of the bitter incidents that traumatized me and I wish I could say more. But I don't want to as I live away from my parents and I am trying hard to forget the past.

我现在25岁,我弟弟17岁。在我的生活中,歧视每天都在发生。我的父母对我弟弟表现出了所有的爱,却一点也不关心我。这是发生在过去的一件事:
我仍然记得那一天。我妈妈把金属搅拌器加热到很热,因为我“偷”了一个米老鼠橡皮擦而给我留下了“烧伤痕迹”。她根本不在乎听我说什么。事实是,这块橡皮是我在学校的操场上发现的,也没有人认领,那是在我二年级的时候。此外,一个二年级的孩子会做什么?我们一定都迷恋上了那些漂亮的橡皮擦。我仍然留着那一天我收到的伤疤。当时我父亲在场,他本可以介入并拯救我。他什么也没做。当我在剧烈疼痛中哭泣时,甚至没有人安慰我。这会给孩子带来多大的痛苦呢?你能证明它的合理性吗?
我记得他上五年级。这是允许学生使用自来水笔的第二年。有一天,他上学回家时带着一支昂贵的派克钢笔(应该是20美元左右,比他拥有的钢笔贵十倍)。当我妈妈问他这是谁的钢笔时,他只是简单地说:“我从我的朋友那里偷的。”猜猜我妈妈做了什么?她回答说:“不要被抓住”。这是正义吗?我从来没有做错任何事,但却受到了残酷的惩罚,而我弟弟却若无其事地走开了。
这只是给我带来创伤的痛苦事件之一,我希望我能说得更多。但我不想说,因为我住在远离父母的地方,我正努力忘记过去。

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