2021-12-26 辽阔天空 5720

Can a 40-year-old date a 20-year-old?


Cesar Munz, Art Director/Marketing

Cesar Munz,艺术总监/营销

I’m reading through the comments and boy are there a lot of older man haters out there who believe the ideal relationship can me summed up with how many years older or younger a person is and apply these ridiculous age formulas. That is quite a superficial way at it. I think a lot of women and men have been brainwashed into thinking its a bad thing for an older man to be with a younger woman because they saw it in some hollywood movie or sitcom, all stereotypes. This belief is more commonly perpetuated by older women (29 and above) to shame the older man who goes for the younger woman because let’s be honest, the older woman hates the idea that most men want and desire younger women because she is more beautiful, less jaded, and tends to have a more positive personality. The older woman as well as her recruited brainwashed men followers always go on and on about the older man’s lust being the reason (as though younger men are the only ones with good intentions). Let’s face it, the older women cannot compete with the younger women and it angers them when a high quality man gets with a younger woman. I am 46 and married to my 21 year old wife for 2 years now. We have many things in common and enjoy the same activities. Out of all the women I’ve had relationships with, she is the one I am most compatible with. This idea that a man and a woman should not have more than a 7 year age gap is total nonsense, having the same age does not guarantee you are compatible, its more a matter of character than of age. Just because you are of similar age does not mean your are exempt from all the problems mentioned here. A woman under 28 does not necessarily mean she is immature. An older 50 year old woman is capable of being shallow and immature, in some cases more than a 21 year old woman, it all depends. Age does not necessarily mean experience. Every relationship is different, how can you claim to know it all. How can you paint all these older mature men with the same paintbrush and label them in an undignified manner. How can you know their true intentions, their feelings, reasons, for doing what they do.


Kasthuri Shankar, worked at Indian Actors and Actresses

Kasturi Shankar曾在印度男女演员事务所工作

So why is everyone assuming that the 40 year old in this question is the male ? And then ofcourse, all the men saying, " Hell yeah, its cool"..... would you find it cool the other way around ?
Speaking for women, I think a 40 year old woman and a 20 year old young feller can totally hit it off too.


Whitney Huffnagle, Massage Therapist at Entrepreneurship

Whitney Huffnagle, 在创业的按摩治疗师

I was once that young woman, not long ago, actually. I was 20 and my boyfriend was 36. I loved him but honestly, I got a lot of attention from men of all all ages and I have to admit, I liked older men because they come off as very “mature” but let's face it, as with ANY relationship after getting to know someone you see them for who they are, not what you “want” them to be.
I left him eventually because he was too controlling, and honestly immature (which is probably why he was with someone 16 years younger) My last relationship was with a 43 year old man and I'm 29. We met when i was 27. I ended this one too, for the same reasons. Being that I'm nearly 30, I've discovered more of myself and what I want. I also, don't really care about age anymore…..older/younger. However, most woman will tell you the older man fetish dies come late twenties. I would prefer someone who is closer to my age, because we can relate to the same things…..maybe about 6 years older….but no more. It will just look weird when someone starts to wrinkle and the others all fresh-faced!
Anyways, it's a free country. Just wanted to give you some female perspective of someone who has actually been more attracted to older men (in the past) key word PAST. If you just want to date and have fun, have at it! If you're looking to settle down, spare yourself the heartache she will most likely end up wanting to settle down with someone closer in age……it's just nature…Good Luck!!!


Alex Cherry, amateur Dan Savage wannabe.
As a general rule, I recommend the “half your age plus 7” as the minimum age for your partner. At 43, half is 21.5 plus seven makes 28.5, so a 28–29 year old would be the youngest appropriate partner.
That said, there’s nothing inherently wrong with getting involved with a college aged women if you’re forty-three, so long as you handle things carefully.
First, there’s going to be a significant power imbalance, both in life experience and in finance. The older partner is presumably grounded in a stable career with a good income, and the younger partner is either still in school or just beginning their career. Understand that it’s the responsibility of the older partner to provide most of the resources in the relationship in a manner that is both empowering and provides agency for the younger partner. That is much harder than it sounds.
Second, you’re going to want to do very different things. I’m on the cusp of 40, and I have literally zero desire to go out partying at the club all night. I can assure you that a college-aged woman is strongly likely to still be in the “party like crazy” stage in life. That means that you’re going to have to be not only okay with, but comfortable with her going out to party and probably get drunk with her peers while you stay home. You may occasionally join, but I don’t recommend it - let the kids have their party for themselves. That’s just an example, too - there are many things something who is young and in the prime of their life will want to do that someone who is reaching midlife will have no interest in, and vice versa. You’ll have to learn to handle those situations with aplomb, or at least not be a dick about it.

一般来说,我建议另一半的最低年龄是“你年龄的一半加上7岁”。43岁时, 一半是21.5,再加上7岁是28.5,因此28-29岁的人43岁可选择的最年轻的合适伴侣。

Third, presuming your relationship becomes physical, you’re going to have to take the lead. It’s unlikely that someone in their late teens and heterosexual has a great deal of sexual experience, and in the West, it’s unlikely that a woman that age is very knowledgeable about their own pleasure and how good sex can be. As the experienced partner, it’s your job to ensure that she blossoms sexually while you’re together. Really, this should apply to both partners in every relationship, but it’s especially important in an age-disparate relationship where one partner is so young.
Fourth, you need to consider long-term goals, and communicate them open and honestly. It’s incredibly unlikely that you will end up staying together with someone so much younger than you for a long; likely, you two will enjoy each other for a while and end it mutually. That’s perfectly okay - every relationship that ends is not a failed relationship if you’ve learned something from it and become a better person for it. Given that you’re not likely to get hitched to this young woman, you need to make sure that you can communicate your goals for the relationship openly and honestly with her. This includes things like having children!
Fifth, you need to be prepared for her friends, your friends, and everyone else to reject you and ridicule you. You’ll get offhanded comments about being “gramps” or “old man” often. Your peers will call you cradle-robber. Her peers are always going to look at you strangely until they get to know you, A 43 year old dating a 20 year old is not within social norms, and you need to be prepared to deal with the fallout of that.


Also, you do realize that since she’s not 21 yet, she can’t legally purchase or consume alcohol, right? She can’t go with you to the pub to watch the game and she can’t go anywhere that’s 21+. That’s more of a problem than you think it is - at 43 you’ve long since stopped noticing age restrictions, but dating someone under 21 means you’ll notice again!
Either way, good luck


Anne Johnson, former Helper of Sorts at Self-Employment
My late Great grandfather was 39 when he met and fell head over heels in love with my late great grandmother who was then just 19.. a year later he was 40, she was 20.. they waited till she was 21 for my great grandfather to request permission for him to marry her. That was back in 1941. Her parents refused and as far as I can gather never ever spoke to her again. (how incredibly sad I think!) They married, had three wonderful daughters (the eldest of which my dear gran who is now 74) and lived happily together for a further 48 years until my great grandfather passed away in her arms then aged 99. She lived a further 27 years till she passed away aged 96 and never stopped loving and adoring him! now THAT’S true love if you ask me!

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Savannah Shaul, studied Engineering & Atmospheric & Oceanic Sciences at University of Maryland, College Park


As someone whose parents have a 20-year age gap, I feel uncomfortably qualified to answer this question.
In short: Yes. As adults, you are responsible for making your own decisions and nobody can look at you and say “NO, you can’t do this!”
And let me explain:
In a relationship, you two probably enjoy doing similar activities, and are healthy and able enough to enjoy those activities. At 20 years old and 40 years old, your lives are easily compatible. This is especially true for a more mature 20-year old and a young spirited 40-year old. Hell, the two of you are still young enough to have kids if wanted. It’s almost as if the age gap isn’t there at all!


The issue arises when the older individual in the relationship reaches older ages, and the differences become amplified. When the older partner reaches retirement age, they may still be raising younger kids or have a working partner still building their career. The classic idea of spending the retirement days golfing, going on vacations, and spending time with the grandkids isn’t their reality. More importantly though - the older partner is at a much higher health risk: cancer, heart disease, hearing loss. When your once equal in the relationship turns into a longterm caregiving position, the happiness of the two individuals (and sanity) can quickly deteriorate. This is also difficult for the children’s perspective, as facing the demise of one parents much quicker than the other is inevitable. And when the second partner finally reaches the great age of retirement, they also can’t enjoy it in the classic way; their partner has grown too old to do the things they once dreamed of doing. The differences in age are shown through health, willingness and ability to do activities, and comparison to close friends who are usually in relationships with others of the relatively same age.
Don’t get me wrong, relationships with this kind of age gap can be beautiful, sincere, and lifelong. My parent’s starting dating when my mom was only 19, married when she was 26, and had me when she was 37 - with my dad being 18 years older. Some of my experiences could be from them having me so late in life, but often I see them just wanting different things at that moment in their lives. I’ve had the opportunity to date men with about the same age gap (15–20 years), but I also ask myself where I want to be in 15 years and where they will be then. The overarching theme is that I don’t think we will ever be in the same place, and time can’t be manipulated into making that work.
If going forward with this relationship, pray for good health, a good support system, and a little luck. I hope the two of you can find peace about the issues you will most likely face - sooner rather than later.


Rolando Lopez, Been DJing since 2000 and Producing since 2004.


There are several marriages of those with huge age gaps that have lasted through the test of time. Let us weed out most of the current celebrity ones because certainly it is all about proving something. Rather, look to those who have weathered so much in their lives, look at other cultural marriages and learn what traits they had to keep the relationship growing stronger. In today's times it is not easy for marriages to last because of the false pretenses and so called societal norms in the name of freedom being indoctrinated into us.
I turned 40 this year and I am dating a 23 year old who is wise beyond her years! We both bring out the best in each other. I am more of a kid at heart, always playful and she is a bit more reserved. We tend to exude a great balance between us. At times when either of us do get perturbed, we both know to give each other our space or, whoever is calmer at the time will walk together through the issue and resolve it. The other joys of dating her is that I enjoy making her laugh, she gets me. She further supports me in various ventures or ideas I may have and gives me the honest cut and dry truth, no BS and, vice versa. I do value what she has to say, it is not and simply cannot be a one-sided egoistic affair.
At the end of the day it all depends on how a couple flow together. Each individual have their own personality and traits.


Brent Nils, studied at Cuyahoga Community College

Brent Nils,在亚霍加社区学院学习

Ah yes, before dating someone better go ahead and get on Quora to get permission first, right?
So, what if I told you NO you can’t date a 25 year old man. What would you do? Would you obey me? Would you call this man up and say, “sorry, I would really like to go out with you, but you are too young for me, the guy on Quora said so?”
What would that say about you?
Decide whether or not you like the guy enough to date him and proceed. If you want to date him, fine. If you are looking for an excuse to reject him, you don’t need to. You are not obligated to date anyone at all. So if his young age turns you off, you can just say so, and not have to to on Quora to find people to back you up.