40岁的人能和20岁的人约会吗(三)
2021-12-29 辽阔天空 6499
正文翻译

Can a 40-year-old date a 20-year-old?

40岁的人能和20岁的人约会吗?

评论翻译
Tahseena Kahn, Relationship expert -I understand both sides too well and give neutral advice.

关系专家塔希娜·卡恩—我对双方都非常了解就愿意给出中立的建议。

Kate Bekinsale was 45 when she dated Pete Davidson, 25. Despite 20 year age difference, the dated for a few months. He’s a funny guy who somehow has been getting all those hot girls. His career is soaring for dating these women. Leonardo de Caprio was 43 when he met his current girlfriend who was 22 then. Many younger actors ormodels share older famous actors for career advancements. It gives them name recognition or a shortcut to fame. Also unless you are wealthy and a very good looking, fit man, no 20 year old young woman would look at a man over 25.
No emotionally healthy man would want to date a 20-yr old either because of the difference in maturity. They have nothing in common to discuss. It will make any intellectual man bore to death. It won't be a balanced or healthy relationship. The only time a 40-yr old goes for a 20-yr old if he just wants to have sex with a younger body or is going through mid-life crisis and wants to relive his younger years through her.
The only time a 20-yr old girl goes for a 40-yer old man when she either needs money to buy stuff or has serious daddy issues. There are many 18–26 years old young women who date and live with older men or even marry them for financial security. The man gets regular sex and the woman doesn’t have to worry about money. Win-Win for both until the woman drops the man out of the blue when she finds someone better and close to her age especially when she’s in her early 30’s and the man is old enough to make some good money. These women build their career with the old dude and find someone better when they don’t need this old dude anymore. Deep down these men know that but still are in denial. Otherwise they will see no emotionally healthy 20 something girl with high self esteem would consider dating them because she’s got the financial support from her parents to get the degree without depending on these older men. These men are damaged inside. This is why they buy love with money to validate themselves.
The only time it will be appropriate to date someone who's 20 years younger is when the woman is over 45. They both are mature and she's done with having children. Thus the age gap won't be a big deal. George Clooney got married when he was almost 60 to someone who was almost 20 years younger but had similar intelligence and maturity.
I remember how gross it felt every time I was approached by someone who was at least 20 years older or old enough to be my father.
upxe: Someone upvoted this today and I got to read all the comments for the first time since I wrote this several years ago. First, I don't get paid for writing on Quora nor do I charge for my advice. If you can’t agree with me or appreciate my answer, then just move to another answer. I have helped many people here on Quora and also outside. Therefore my advice here are not to offend a certain group but to tell the truth to too many others who can't see the light in the dark.
I apologize for offending anyone for writing that no emotionally healthy man or woman would want to be in a relationship with someone 20 years younger. I’m glad it's working out for you. It wasn't my intention to offend you. However if you read psychology research articles, you will find if you go for someone who's not at your same maturity or intelligence level and way too young for you, both of you have mental issues. Moreover age doesn't necessarily guarantee emotional maturity. If your age gap is just a number, and you are in a bliss, then you shouldn't worry about what I wrote. The only reason you are offended because deep inside the gap bothers you.

凯特·贝金赛尔与25岁的皮特·戴维森约会时就是45岁。尽管两人年龄相差20岁,但约会了几个月。他是一个有趣的家伙,不知怎么的,总能吸引那些性感的女孩。因为和这些女人约会,他的事业蒸蒸日上。莱昂纳多·德卡普里奥(Leonardo de Caprio)在43岁时遇到了当时22岁的现任女友。许多年轻的演员或模特为了职业发展而与年长的著名演员在一起,这给了他们知名度或成名的捷径。另外,除非你很富有,而且是一个非常英俊、健康的男人,否则没有一个20岁的年轻女人会看上一个大她25岁以上的男人。
情绪健康的男人也不会因为对方年轻就想和20岁的孩子约会。他们没有什么共同点要讨论。与年轻的人在一起会使任何有知识的人无聊至死。这将是一种不平衡或不健康的关系。如果一个40岁的认只是想和一个年轻的身体做爱,或者正在经历中年危机,想通过她重温他的年轻时光,就会对一个20岁的人下手。
只有当一个20岁的女孩需要钱买东西或者有严重的恋父情节的时候才会去找一个40岁的男人。有很多18-26岁的年轻女性和比自己大的男人约会、同居,甚至为了经济保障而和他们结婚。男人从此有有规律的性生活,女人也不必担心钱的问题。双方都赢,直到当女人找到一个更好、接近她年龄的人时,特别是这个男人已经足够大,她30出头,可以赚到很多钱时,她突然放弃了这个男人。这些女人和大龄男子一起建立事业,当她们不再需要这个老家伙时,她们会找到更好的人。在内心深处,这些人知道这一点,但仍然拒绝接受现实。他们会发现,没有哪个情绪健康、自尊心强的20多岁女孩会考虑和大龄男子约会,因为她的父母给了她经济上的支持,让她能拿到学位而不用依赖这些老男人。这些人在里面受过伤,这就是为什么他们用金钱购买爱情来证明自己。
和比自己小20岁的人约会,只有在女方是45岁以上的时候才合适。他们都很成熟,她也不想再要孩子了。因此,年龄差距不会是一个大问题。乔治·克鲁尼(George Clooney)在将近60岁的时候与一位年轻近20岁但智力和成熟度相似的人结婚。
我记得当我被一个至少比我大20岁或足够做我父亲的人接近时,我的感觉是非常恶心。
更新:今天有人对此进行了投票,自从几年前我写这篇文章以来,我第一次阅读了所有的评论。首先,我在Quora上写作没有报酬,我的建议也不收费。如果你不同意我或不欣赏我的答案,那就换个答案看吧。我在QA和其他地方帮助了很多人。因此,我的建议不是冒犯某个群体,而是告诉太多在黑暗中看不见光明的人真相。
我在前言中写道,一个情绪不健康的男人或女人才会想和比自己年轻20岁的人谈恋爱,这冒犯了某些人,我为此道歉。我很高兴你修成正果,我不是有意冒犯你。然而,如果你读过心理学研究文章,你会发现如果你找的人与你的成熟度或智力水平不一样,而且相对你来说太年轻,那么你们俩都有心理问题。此外,年龄并不一定保证情感方面就成熟。如果你的年龄差距只是一个数字,而且在一起很幸福,那么你就不必因我写的东西而担心。你被冒犯的唯一原因是因为内心深处的隔阂困扰着你。

Ann Hipson, former Various, All in Child Protection. (1971-2006)
Of course it’s okay. If both of you want to date and I assume you both do or the question wouldn’t come, that is the only important thing. While dating, you may find the differences in maturity a problem or you may not. You may find being of different generations (almost) a problem or you may not. If you find these things a problem, then you will stop dating. If you don’t find it a problem, you’ll continue to date.
Basically, it’s a self correcting situation. It will either work or it won’t. That’s pretty much true in all relationships no matter what the age. So go ahead and do it if you want to.

如果你们都想约会,当然没关系。而我认为你们都想,否则就不会有此问题,这是唯一重要的事情。约会时,你可能会发现成熟度的差异是个问题,也可能不是。你可能会发现出生于不同的年代的人在一起是一个问题,也可能不是。如果你发现这些事情有问题,那么你将停止约会。如果你觉得这不是一个问题,你会继续约会。
基本上,这是一种自我纠正的情况。它要么起作用,要么不起作用。在所有的关系中都是如此—不管年龄大小。所以,如果你愿意,就去做吧。

John Cate, Freelance Public Relations Specialist, NC

约翰·凯特,北卡罗来纳州的自由公共关系专家,

Several thoughts on that matter:
It’s OK to date a 19–20 year old woman if you’re a 43 year old man. It’s quite another thing to date a 19–20 year old “girl.” There is a difference. Some women that age are more mature than others.
If you do date a woman with that large of an age difference, you should both be clear on what you want out of the relationship, and communicate that from the start. There’s nothing wrong with two consenting adults of any age getting together, but only as long as they’re both honest about their intent and expectations.
A great many single women who are in their early 40s have had children, but their children are already grown, and therefore not an impediment to a relationship. I’m a 43 year old man in a relationship with a woman who is actually older than me; I don’t want a ready-made family either, but it’s not a problem—her daughter is a grown woman herself.
On the other side of the coin, if you plan on having a serious relationship with a much younger woman as a 43 year old man, you should be aware that at some point, she will likely want to have children. Even if she says she doesn’t want to now, she still has many years ahead of her in which she might well change her mind.
If both of you have addressed these questions to your respective satisfaction and it’s what you both want to do, then go for it. Personally, I could never do something like that. As an educated man who is old enough to be the father of a 20 year old, I’d be bored to death if I had to date one. Hell, I rarely dated 20 year old women when I was 20 myself! But that’s just me, and I have no idea what you’re looking for. In any case, good luck!

关于这个问题的几点看法:
如果你是一个43岁的男人,和一个19-20岁的女人约会是可以的。但与19-20岁的“女孩”约会就完全是另一回事,这是有区别的。这个年龄段中间有一些女人比其他人更成熟。
如果你和一个年龄相差这么大的女人约会,你们俩都应该清楚自己想从这段关系中得到什么,并从一开始就交流这一点。任何年龄段的成年人聚在一起没有什么错,但前提是他们要坦诚自己的意图和期望。
很多40出头的单身女性都有了孩子,她们的孩子已经长大了,因此,这并不是恋爱的障碍。我是一个43岁的男人,和一个比我大的女人交往;我也不想要一个现成的家庭,但这不是问题,她的女儿自己已经长大成人了。
另一方面,如果作为43岁的你打算和一个比你年轻得多的女人建立一段重要的关系,你应该意识到,在某个时候,她可能会想要孩子。即使她说她现在不想要,但在未来的许多年里,她可能会改变主意。
如果你们都对这些问题表示满意,并且这是你们都想做的,那就去做吧。就我个人而言,我永远不会做那样的事。作为一个受过教育且足可以做一个20岁孩子的父亲了,如果我不得不和一个孩子约会的话,我会烦死的。见鬼,我自己20岁的时候都很少和20岁的女人约会!但那只是我,我不知道你在追寻什么。无论如何,祝你好运!

Andrew Richardson
Very ideally, your partner should reflect where you are at in your life. By and large, that’s also the way most of our friendships work; you end up becoming friends with people who have something in common with you. And a lot of that usually has to do with the kind of age bracket you are in. A married father of two with a nine to five job will probably not find much in common with a college freshman who is living it up. And that college freshman will probably have little interest in a middle aged dad’s life with a mortgage and bills to pay. You see where I am going with this.
If you’re both independent adults with a steady job and your own lives, then there aren’t that many reasons why a relationship between a 25-year-old and a 40-year-old wouldn’t work as a matter of principle.
But here’s the thing - there is a world of difference between a 40-year-old dating a 25-year-old, or a 20-year-old. These five years can be an eternity in a person’s development at that age. Few people are on their own two feet by age 20 these days, many are still in college or some other form of education and very greatly still rely on their parents to help them find their way in life. It is very likely that you will be with somebody who just isn’t on par at all with what kind of a person you are at your age of 40. There will be huge gaps in life experience, in age related interests, even in the kinds of bands you will like or how you will want to spend your weekend nights. Are you prepared to go clubbing with your 20-year-old girlfriend? And even if you’re not, are you willing to sit at home wondering if she’ll mess around with somebody her own age while you are watching the Tonight Show? Will you be able to suffer the profoundly bored look on her face when you take her to dinner parties on a Saturday night where people talk about buying a condo or a classic car, about South African wine and which meats it goes with, or about their custody hearing, when you know she’s thinking about her friends the whole time who are at that new club that just opened? Are you prepared to dream about spending a year driving an RV through Mexico, “just because”? And even if so, who is going to look after your house or pay your mortgage during that time? And do they have the medicine for your back pain in Mexico?

非常理想的情况是,你的伴侣应该反映出你在生活中的位置。总的来说,这也是我们大多数友谊的运作方式;你最终会和与你有共同点的人成为朋友。这通常与你所处的年龄段有关。一个有两个孩子的已婚父亲,有一份朝九晚五的工作,可能与一个生活富裕的大学新生没有多少共同之处。而那个大学新生可能对一个中年父亲的生活兴趣不大,因为他有抵押贷款和账单要付,你知道我要说什么了。
如果你们都是独立的成年人,有稳定的工作和自己的生活,那么,就没有太多理由说25岁的人和40岁的人之间的关系在原则问题上行不通了。
但问题是,40岁的人和25岁的人约会还是与20岁的人约会,25岁和20岁之间有着天壤之别。这五年对一个人在那个年龄的发展来说是永恒的。如今,很少有人能在20岁时独立生活,许多人仍在上大学或接受其他形式的教育,他们仍然非常依赖父母提供帮助让他们找到自己的生活方式。在你40岁的时候,很可能遇见一个和你完全不一样的人。在生活经验、与年龄相关的兴趣、甚至在你喜欢的乐队类型或你想如何度过周末之夜方面,都会有巨大的差距。你准备好和你20岁的女朋友去泡吧了吗?即使你没去,你愿意坐在家里看《今夜秀》的时候,想知道她会不会和同龄的人鬼混?当你在周六晚上带她去参加晚宴时,她脸上的那种极度无聊的表情你能忍受吗?在晚宴上,人们都在谈论买公寓或老爷车,谈论南非葡萄酒和配哪种肉,或者谈论他们的监护权听证会,当你知道她一直在想她的朋友们,那些朋友都在一家新开的俱乐部,你什么感觉?你是否准备好花一年时间驾驶一辆房车穿越墨西哥,仅仅因为梦想?即使是这样,在这段时间里谁来帮你照看房子或支付你的抵押贷款呢?墨西哥有治背痛的药吗?

I am not saying it’s inevitably going to fail. But there is a whole world of things that you are up against. And that’s still not counting the reactions from her parents who see their daughter dating somebody who could be their younger brother, or her friends calling you a good number of names in the book. And chances are, so will your own friends who are your age.
I’m in my early 40s myself. I look improbably young for my age, to the point that I still get that “two second look” from early 20something women when I am out and about. But to be very honest with you, I don’t even have a hint of an idea what I would possibly be doing with a 20-year-old, besides the obvious fun that could be had in bed with somebody with a firm young body. What do you do, where do you go to spend time together, what do you talk about every day, when the initial attraction wears off?
Best of luck to anybody who won’t let all that deter them. And people have made bigger obstacles in their relationships work. All I am saying is, it’s very probably not under a good star in the long term.

我并不是说它不可避免地会失败。但你要面对的是一大堆事情。这还不包括她父母的反应,他们看到他们的女儿和一个可能是他们弟弟的人约会,或者她的朋友在书中给你起了很多雅号。很有可能,你自己的同龄朋友也会这么做。
我自己也40出头了。就我的年龄而言,我看起来似乎很年轻,以至于当我外出走动时,我仍然能从20出头的女人那里得到“两秒钟的眼神”。但是说实话,除了和一个年轻的人在床上享受乐趣之外,我甚至一点也不知道和一个20岁的孩子能做什么。当最初的吸引力消失后,你们会做什么?你们会在哪里共度时光?你们每天都聊些什么?
祝那些不会让这一切阻止他们的人好运。而且际关系中也会遇到更大的障碍。我想说的是,从长远来看,这很可能不是一个好的良配。

Renee Joyner Cashwell, studied at Ralph L. Fike High School (1982)
My fiance and I have been together for 13 years. We became a couple when he was 21 and I was 40. We get along quite well except for the occasional argument, but every couple has them. We have the same sense of humor (twisted), we like the same kinds of foods, we’re both video gamers, and love pets. He is the more mature of the two of us, as he handles our finances much better than I could.

我和未婚夫已经在一起13年了。他21岁,我40岁时,我们成了一对。除了偶尔吵架,相处得很好,但每对夫妇都有吵架。我们有同样的幽默感,我们喜欢同样种类的食物,我们都是电子游戏玩家,并且喜欢宠物。他是我们两人中比较成熟的一个,因为他比我能更好地处理我们的财务。

Salome Qenya
I wish I could show you pictures but I cant you have to take my word for it! There is a lady in my Bible study group who used to work for Emirates she was 42 yrs and she married a 25 yr old guy and they now have a daughter who is like 8yrs or so this day. Last year 2020 when the world was you know how it was she was made redundant from Emirates at the time her husband got a job offer to Canada so in December of 2020 she left with her daughter to join her husband in Canada. The reason am telling you this is because everyone keeps telling me to have faith God will send me someone it doesn't matter the age and thru this lady I got encouraged. So if the man is godly (because the lady am talking about her husband is godly and God fearing) if he loves you and respects you if he can provide,not you him he has to be a man and handle responsibilities then pray about it and let's see what God will say.

我希望我能给你看照片,但我不能。你必须相信我的话!在我的《圣经》研究小组里有一位女士,她曾经在阿联酋航空公司工作,她42岁,嫁给了一个25岁的男人,现在他们有了一个女儿,如今大概8岁左右。去年2020年,当她丈夫得到加拿大的工作邀请时,埃米尔航空公司解雇了她,于是在2020年12月,她带着女儿离开了,去加拿大和丈夫团聚。我之所以告诉你这一点,是因为每个人都在不断地告诉我要有信心,上帝会给我安排一个人—不论年龄大小,通过这位女士,我得到了鼓励。因此,如果男人是虔诚的(因为女士说她的丈夫是虔诚和敬畏上帝的),如果他爱你,尊重你,如果他能养你,而不是你养他,他是一个男人,必须承担责任,然后祈祷,让我们看看上帝会说什么。

Laurie Nasta, former Sr Systems Engineer

Laurie Nasta,前高级系统工程师

I have found a number of younger lovers, being divorced in my forties and looking much younger than my actual age. It's almost ‘de riguer’ anymore because men my own age consistently search for younger women. Wrt some other answers here, some young men have been great with stamina, while others could barely make it 5 mins! It really depends on the guy. I've asked my younger lovers why they sought out an older woman. Some respond that we are just more free and open in lovemaking..don't have hangups, anxiety, etc. Often we don't have to worry about pregnancy either.
I have had to draw a line on age difference though. Just too weird if they are only a few years older than my oldest son. If they aren't at least 40-45, i thank them for the compliment of their attention and decline. I want a real relationship now..at my age, so knowing the game, i decline mostly now.

我发现了一些年轻的情侣,他们在我40多岁时离婚,看起来比我的实际年龄年轻得多。这几乎不再是“严格的要求”,因为和我同龄的男人一直在寻找更年轻的女人。这里还有一些其他的答案,一些年轻人非常有耐力,而另一些人只能坚持5分钟!这要看是谁了。我问过我的年轻恋人为什么要找一个年纪大的女人。有些人回应说,我们只是在做爱方面更加自由和开放,没有烦恼和焦虑等,通常我们也不必担心怀孕。
不过,我不得不在年龄差异上划一条线。如果他们只比我的大儿子大几岁,那就太奇怪了。如果他们还不到40-45岁,我感谢他们的关注并拒绝与之交往。我现在想要一段真正的感情,在我这个年纪,我知道这个游戏,所以我大多时候都拒绝。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


D.J. Berger, Bobcat Technician/sales Associate (2015-present)

D.J.Berger,山猫技术员/销售助理(2015年至今)

I'm 40 and my girlfriend is 20. It's awesome. It's much more simple than dating women my age who are set in their ways and bitter from all the Shit guys like me have done to them since they were 20. We get along great the sex is great and it's all good. age is a made up number it's about two adults who enjoy eachothers company and get along. She has less life experiences but is very wise for her age. She's more woman than women Ive dated my age. We are trying for a baby and Ima ask her dad if I can marry her asap! Best relationship I ever had! Hands down. Not becuz of the age diff but becuz she's the hottest sweetest girl Ive ever met!!! She jus happens to be 20 but we been knowing eachother since she was 19. Will it last? Who knows? But being with women my own age never has so ?

我40岁,女朋友20岁,太棒了。这比和我这个年纪的女人约会要简单得多,因为她们的生活是一成不变和苦涩,她们从20岁起就被像我这样的混蛋男人把她们弄得对一切感到痛苦。我们相处得很好,性很好,一切都很好。年龄是一个虚构的数字,它是关于两个喜欢彼此陪伴和相处的成年人。她生活经验较少,但就她的年龄而言,她很聪明。她比我这个年纪的女人更有女人味。我们想要个孩子,我问她爸爸能不能尽快娶她!这是我有过的最好的一段感情!不是因为年龄的差异,而是因为她是我见过的最漂亮最可爱的女孩!!她刚好20岁,但我们从她19岁起就认识了。它会持续吗?谁知道呢?但和同龄的女人在一起从来没有这样想过。

Robyne Williams-Heller, Medical Technologist/Laboratory Assistant

Robyne Williams Heller,医疗技术师/实验室助理

I think age is just a number. If you like, love, care for someone (adults of course) and you're both compatible. Sure.
However… most people in their 40s prefer someone they have much in common with. Not just likes, interests & hobbies. But past experiences and similar memories of their genre. I can tell you a few of my male friends in thier 40s decided to date twenty-something year olds. At first they were all for it. But after a while the lack of maturity, wisdom, no past commonalities, and a lack of experience got on their nerves. Ultimately compatibility winds up being more important than a young face .

我认为年龄只是一个数字。如果你喜欢、爱、关心某人(当然是成年人),那么你俩确定是很般配的。
然而,大多数40多岁的人更喜欢和与他们有很多共同点的人。不仅仅是喜欢、兴趣和爱好。但根据过去的经历和对类型的相似记忆,我可以告诉你,身边好几个40多岁的男性朋友决定和20多岁的孩子约会。起初,他们都赞成,但过了一段时间,不成熟、没智慧、没有过去的共同点以及缺乏经验让他们心烦意乱。因此,包容性比年轻的面孔更重要。

Albert Sal, former Welder

阿尔伯特·萨尔,前焊工

Go on with your bad ass self. When I was in my twenties. I didn’t let a forty year old women walk by me.
Honey it’s fun. He wants to use you for sex. You want to use him for sex. He’s gonna cum in you. No babies are going to happen. Which is something you both want.
Maintain your standards. He pays for all meals and outings. Some times your just gonna visit and not have a date. Screw and leave.
So get laid mid week. Have your weekends off. Zero maintenance. Enjoy your time.

继续做个混蛋吧。我二十几岁的时候,我从没有让一个四十岁的女人在我身边待过。
亲爱的,这很有趣。他和你就纯纯为性而以,不会让有婴儿出生的情况出现—这是你们两个都想要的。
保持你的原则:他支付所有的餐费和郊游费用。有时候你只是去拜访,发生性关系后就离开。
所以在找个伴,周末休息那种,并且零维护。享受你的时光。

收藏译文