2021-12-29 辽阔天空 6499

Can a 40-year-old date a 20-year-old?


Tahseena Kahn, Relationship expert -I understand both sides too well and give neutral advice.


Kate Bekinsale was 45 when she dated Pete Davidson, 25. Despite 20 year age difference, the dated for a few months. He’s a funny guy who somehow has been getting all those hot girls. His career is soaring for dating these women. Leonardo de Caprio was 43 when he met his current girlfriend who was 22 then. Many younger actors ormodels share older famous actors for career advancements. It gives them name recognition or a shortcut to fame. Also unless you are wealthy and a very good looking, fit man, no 20 year old young woman would look at a man over 25.
No emotionally healthy man would want to date a 20-yr old either because of the difference in maturity. They have nothing in common to discuss. It will make any intellectual man bore to death. It won't be a balanced or healthy relationship. The only time a 40-yr old goes for a 20-yr old if he just wants to have sex with a younger body or is going through mid-life crisis and wants to relive his younger years through her.
The only time a 20-yr old girl goes for a 40-yer old man when she either needs money to buy stuff or has serious daddy issues. There are many 18–26 years old young women who date and live with older men or even marry them for financial security. The man gets regular sex and the woman doesn’t have to worry about money. Win-Win for both until the woman drops the man out of the blue when she finds someone better and close to her age especially when she’s in her early 30’s and the man is old enough to make some good money. These women build their career with the old dude and find someone better when they don’t need this old dude anymore. Deep down these men know that but still are in denial. Otherwise they will see no emotionally healthy 20 something girl with high self esteem would consider dating them because she’s got the financial support from her parents to get the degree without depending on these older men. These men are damaged inside. This is why they buy love with money to validate themselves.
The only time it will be appropriate to date someone who's 20 years younger is when the woman is over 45. They both are mature and she's done with having children. Thus the age gap won't be a big deal. George Clooney got married when he was almost 60 to someone who was almost 20 years younger but had similar intelligence and maturity.
I remember how gross it felt every time I was approached by someone who was at least 20 years older or old enough to be my father.
upxe: Someone upvoted this today and I got to read all the comments for the first time since I wrote this several years ago. First, I don't get paid for writing on Quora nor do I charge for my advice. If you can’t agree with me or appreciate my answer, then just move to another answer. I have helped many people here on Quora and also outside. Therefore my advice here are not to offend a certain group but to tell the truth to too many others who can't see the light in the dark.
I apologize for offending anyone for writing that no emotionally healthy man or woman would want to be in a relationship with someone 20 years younger. I’m glad it's working out for you. It wasn't my intention to offend you. However if you read psychology research articles, you will find if you go for someone who's not at your same maturity or intelligence level and way too young for you, both of you have mental issues. Moreover age doesn't necessarily guarantee emotional maturity. If your age gap is just a number, and you are in a bliss, then you shouldn't worry about what I wrote. The only reason you are offended because deep inside the gap bothers you.

凯特·贝金赛尔与25岁的皮特·戴维森约会时就是45岁。尽管两人年龄相差20岁,但约会了几个月。他是一个有趣的家伙,不知怎么的,总能吸引那些性感的女孩。因为和这些女人约会,他的事业蒸蒸日上。莱昂纳多·德卡普里奥(Leonardo de Caprio)在43岁时遇到了当时22岁的现任女友。许多年轻的演员或模特为了职业发展而与年长的著名演员在一起,这给了他们知名度或成名的捷径。另外,除非你很富有,而且是一个非常英俊、健康的男人,否则没有一个20岁的年轻女人会看上一个大她25岁以上的男人。
和比自己小20岁的人约会,只有在女方是45岁以上的时候才合适。他们都很成熟,她也不想再要孩子了。因此,年龄差距不会是一个大问题。乔治·克鲁尼(George Clooney)在将近60岁的时候与一位年轻近20岁但智力和成熟度相似的人结婚。

Ann Hipson, former Various, All in Child Protection. (1971-2006)
Of course it’s okay. If both of you want to date and I assume you both do or the question wouldn’t come, that is the only important thing. While dating, you may find the differences in maturity a problem or you may not. You may find being of different generations (almost) a problem or you may not. If you find these things a problem, then you will stop dating. If you don’t find it a problem, you’ll continue to date.
Basically, it’s a self correcting situation. It will either work or it won’t. That’s pretty much true in all relationships no matter what the age. So go ahead and do it if you want to.


John Cate, Freelance Public Relations Specialist, NC


Several thoughts on that matter:
It’s OK to date a 19–20 year old woman if you’re a 43 year old man. It’s quite another thing to date a 19–20 year old “girl.” There is a difference. Some women that age are more mature than others.
If you do date a woman with that large of an age difference, you should both be clear on what you want out of the relationship, and communicate that from the start. There’s nothing wrong with two consenting adults of any age getting together, but only as long as they’re both honest about their intent and expectations.
A great many single women who are in their early 40s have had children, but their children are already grown, and therefore not an impediment to a relationship. I’m a 43 year old man in a relationship with a woman who is actually older than me; I don’t want a ready-made family either, but it’s not a problem—her daughter is a grown woman herself.
On the other side of the coin, if you plan on having a serious relationship with a much younger woman as a 43 year old man, you should be aware that at some point, she will likely want to have children. Even if she says she doesn’t want to now, she still has many years ahead of her in which she might well change her mind.
If both of you have addressed these questions to your respective satisfaction and it’s what you both want to do, then go for it. Personally, I could never do something like that. As an educated man who is old enough to be the father of a 20 year old, I’d be bored to death if I had to date one. Hell, I rarely dated 20 year old women when I was 20 myself! But that’s just me, and I have no idea what you’re looking for. In any case, good luck!


Andrew Richardson
Very ideally, your partner should reflect where you are at in your life. By and large, that’s also the way most of our friendships work; you end up becoming friends with people who have something in common with you. And a lot of that usually has to do with the kind of age bracket you are in. A married father of two with a nine to five job will probably not find much in common with a college freshman who is living it up. And that college freshman will probably have little interest in a middle aged dad’s life with a mortgage and bills to pay. You see where I am going with this.
If you’re both independent adults with a steady job and your own lives, then there aren’t that many reasons why a relationship between a 25-year-old and a 40-year-old wouldn’t work as a matter of principle.
But here’s the thing - there is a world of difference between a 40-year-old dating a 25-year-old, or a 20-year-old. These five years can be an eternity in a person’s development at that age. Few people are on their own two feet by age 20 these days, many are still in college or some other form of education and very greatly still rely on their parents to help them find their way in life. It is very likely that you will be with somebody who just isn’t on par at all with what kind of a person you are at your age of 40. There will be huge gaps in life experience, in age related interests, even in the kinds of bands you will like or how you will want to spend your weekend nights. Are you prepared to go clubbing with your 20-year-old girlfriend? And even if you’re not, are you willing to sit at home wondering if she’ll mess around with somebody her own age while you are watching the Tonight Show? Will you be able to suffer the profoundly bored look on her face when you take her to dinner parties on a Saturday night where people talk about buying a condo or a classic car, about South African wine and which meats it goes with, or about their custody hearing, when you know she’s thinking about her friends the whole time who are at that new club that just opened? Are you prepared to dream about spending a year driving an RV through Mexico, “just because”? And even if so, who is going to look after your house or pay your mortgage during that time? And do they have the medicine for your back pain in Mexico?


I am not saying it’s inevitably going to fail. But there is a whole world of things that you are up against. And that’s still not counting the reactions from her parents who see their daughter dating somebody who could be their younger brother, or her friends calling you a good number of names in the book. And chances are, so will your own friends who are your age.
I’m in my early 40s myself. I look improbably young for my age, to the point that I still get that “two second look” from early 20something women when I am out and about. But to be very honest with you, I don’t even have a hint of an idea what I would possibly be doing with a 20-year-old, besides the obvious fun that could be had in bed with somebody with a firm young body. What do you do, where do you go to spend time together, what do you talk about every day, when the initial attraction wears off?
Best of luck to anybody who won’t let all that deter them. And people have made bigger obstacles in their relationships work. All I am saying is, it’s very probably not under a good star in the long term.


Renee Joyner Cashwell, studied at Ralph L. Fike High School (1982)
My fiance and I have been together for 13 years. We became a couple when he was 21 and I was 40. We get along quite well except for the occasional argument, but every couple has them. We have the same sense of humor (twisted), we like the same kinds of foods, we’re both video gamers, and love pets. He is the more mature of the two of us, as he handles our finances much better than I could.


Salome Qenya
I wish I could show you pictures but I cant you have to take my word for it! There is a lady in my Bible study group who used to work for Emirates she was 42 yrs and she married a 25 yr old guy and they now have a daughter who is like 8yrs or so this day. Last year 2020 when the world was you know how it was she was made redundant from Emirates at the time her husband got a job offer to Canada so in December of 2020 she left with her daughter to join her husband in Canada. The reason am telling you this is because everyone keeps telling me to have faith God will send me someone it doesn't matter the age and thru this lady I got encouraged. So if the man is godly (because the lady am talking about her husband is godly and God fearing) if he loves you and respects you if he can provide,not you him he has to be a man and handle responsibilities then pray about it and let's see what God will say.


Laurie Nasta, former Sr Systems Engineer

Laurie Nasta,前高级系统工程师

I have found a number of younger lovers, being divorced in my forties and looking much younger than my actual age. It's almost ‘de riguer’ anymore because men my own age consistently search for younger women. Wrt some other answers here, some young men have been great with stamina, while others could barely make it 5 mins! It really depends on the guy. I've asked my younger lovers why they sought out an older woman. Some respond that we are just more free and open in lovemaking..don't have hangups, anxiety, etc. Often we don't have to worry about pregnancy either.
I have had to draw a line on age difference though. Just too weird if they are only a few years older than my oldest son. If they aren't at least 40-45, i thank them for the compliment of their attention and decline. I want a real relationship now..at my age, so knowing the game, i decline mostly now.

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D.J. Berger, Bobcat Technician/sales Associate (2015-present)


I'm 40 and my girlfriend is 20. It's awesome. It's much more simple than dating women my age who are set in their ways and bitter from all the Shit guys like me have done to them since they were 20. We get along great the sex is great and it's all good. age is a made up number it's about two adults who enjoy eachothers company and get along. She has less life experiences but is very wise for her age. She's more woman than women Ive dated my age. We are trying for a baby and Ima ask her dad if I can marry her asap! Best relationship I ever had! Hands down. Not becuz of the age diff but becuz she's the hottest sweetest girl Ive ever met!!! She jus happens to be 20 but we been knowing eachother since she was 19. Will it last? Who knows? But being with women my own age never has so ?


Robyne Williams-Heller, Medical Technologist/Laboratory Assistant

Robyne Williams Heller,医疗技术师/实验室助理

I think age is just a number. If you like, love, care for someone (adults of course) and you're both compatible. Sure.
However… most people in their 40s prefer someone they have much in common with. Not just likes, interests & hobbies. But past experiences and similar memories of their genre. I can tell you a few of my male friends in thier 40s decided to date twenty-something year olds. At first they were all for it. But after a while the lack of maturity, wisdom, no past commonalities, and a lack of experience got on their nerves. Ultimately compatibility winds up being more important than a young face .


Albert Sal, former Welder


Go on with your bad ass self. When I was in my twenties. I didn’t let a forty year old women walk by me.
Honey it’s fun. He wants to use you for sex. You want to use him for sex. He’s gonna cum in you. No babies are going to happen. Which is something you both want.
Maintain your standards. He pays for all meals and outings. Some times your just gonna visit and not have a date. Screw and leave.
So get laid mid week. Have your weekends off. Zero maintenance. Enjoy your time.