2022-01-14 辽阔天空 2907

Do parents have a favorite child?


Jo Stolp, Project Manager / QS (2007-present)

Jo Stolp,项目经理/QS(2007年至今)

I’m a first-born, of three. My mother once told me I was her favourite, whether in the moment, or for real, I don’t know. She inconveniently drank while on anti-booze after her second (third, fourth?) rehab. I found her corpse. .
My grandmother raised us (my father remained a zombie for five years after my mother’s death, despite marrying a woman that I now consider 50% angel and 50% demon. I thank her for many things. I hate her for as many things.)
My baby brother went on a tour of Europe during high school, at a price of half my yearly university tuition, with a credit card that allowed him to spend a year’s accommodation and groceries (for me, as a student) in five weeks.
My sister (between me and baby brother)… She worked her way through university. She actually finished her degree. She emotionally supported me, and my brother, and my father, and my grandmother. Through the years, she’s substantially supported some of us financially, as well.
My husband is also first-born of three. Only boy. His first sister found her artistic passion in primary school, and worked hard at it. She was supported academically, deep into her 30s. At one point, my husband’s rent to live in his parents’ granny flat was her pocket money while she studied abroad.
My husband’s youngest sister is justifiably angry, independent, and ultra-competent.
Reasonably, we’re all different people, and we all see things differently. Another answer to this question has a lix to research that concluded that pretty much everyone believes a different sibling was the favourite.


Eboni Harris, BA of Psychology


I don’t have kids, so I can’t answer this question on that level… but as an older sibling, lol, yes, my parents have a favorite. It is my younger sister. In fact, she’s the extended family favorite.
Personal Story Time: My sister is beautiful and funny and smart, and her values, interests, style and career are aligned with what my family perceives as successful, well-adapted and something to be envied. My sister kept up with stylish, did things to be popular in school, studied math and science, and entered the healthcare industry. My mom would take my sister every weekend to get her hair pressed and to get her nails done. My dad would drive her to school every morning until she was old enough for them to buy her a new car, which she wrecked, and they bought her another. (I rode the school bus until I inherited my grandfather’s beater. My first new car was one I half paid for myself.)
In open constrast to my sister,Though I make enough to be independent and live well and travel, my career choice is not esteemed. I’m a librarian Anyhoo, my family views successful, reputable jobs as being in healthcare or being a lawyer, I wear what’s comfortable, keep my hair natural, and hate crowds (so never a party girl). my dad… well, he really only cared about the career part, and of course dads like to be able to brag about their “pretty” daughter.

个人故事时间:我妹妹漂亮、有趣、聪明;她有自己的价值观、兴趣、风格和职业与我家人认为的成功相一致、适应能力强,令人羡慕。我妹妹紧跟潮流,在学校里做一些受欢迎的事情,学习数学和科学,进入医疗行业。我妈妈每个周末都会带我妹妹去烫头发和修指甲。我爸爸每天早上开车送她上学,直到她长大了,他们给她买了一辆新车,她撞坏后他们又给她买了一辆。(我一直坐校车,直到我继承了祖父的 打浆机,我自己付了一半的钱买我的第一辆车。)

My sister would say some things that I don’t think I was supposed to hear, stuff like the parents were putting pressure on her and depending on her to be the successful kid. My dad would say things to me that indicated that he believed I would live with them forever. He even urged me to keep on at a 9–5, minimum wage job, believing that I would do no better, when I was in graduate school for a degree he didn’t understand (Master of Fine Arts), while praising my sister for the high-level math courses she took. They did and said many things that showed obvious favortism that they deny to this day.
My sister insists I’m the favorite, then later changed her tune to say, well, you’re mom’s favorite. I’m not. I simply talk to our mother more. My sister and I both live in different states from our parents now, and my sister hates staying in contact. I know it hurts our parents’ feelings, so I call them. But my mom talks about my sister and how worried she is. My dad and I talk, but my sister lets me know that when she DOES talk to him, he talks to her about me and what he believes are poor decisions I’m making. No, sis, you’re the favorite. They just want you to call more. Where I’d call and they’d miss it and wouldn’t return my call, they’d trip down the stairs trying to call her back. Same with our other relatives.


I’ve gotten over it as I’ve built esteem for myself over the years. I am who I am, take it or leave it, and I believe I do very well for myself. I’m glad to have surprised my parents, sister and other relatives with my success. My mom admitted to being surprised that I turned out to be normal. (You would think I was an awful kid who was flunking out of school or something. No. They just didn’t understand me.) I don’t take it as an insult anymore. I am now considered eccentric by them instead of someone to worry about, as I once was.
I realize that their feelings are hurt when I say things like this, because they don’t want to admit it out loud, but yes. They favor my sister and probaly didn’t like me (though they loved me) all that much until I was finally able to display my success. But hey, I understand .
I think it might be hard for parents not to have a favorite, though they may fight not to show it, and certainly won’t say it (because who knows which kid will be there when they get very old). If someone does more things you like or agree with, you gravitate more toward them. It’s like having friends, close friends and best friends. It’s human nature.


Linda Key, Writer
We can’t generalize all parents based on some. I myself am an only child, but I have three stories of favouritism:
Story #1: My grandparents
They had 8 children and since I was little, I’ve always known which ones were their favourites. Not only because it was so obvious, but also because they verbally announced it to any listening ears.
My grandfather passed away before I was born, but my older relatives and family friends told me how he favoured the fourth and seventh children. They think the reason was because they were carbon copies of him, both in appearance and in demeanour. I’ve heard tales of how he spoiled them rotten by persistently catering to their whims, which he very rarely did with his other children. He would be at odds with my grandmother on many occasions for refusing to let my grandmother discipline his golden children, which again he hardly ever did for the other children.
My grandmother was very superstitious, I’ve heard the story of “The Fortune Teller’s Predictions That Came True” about a billion times. When she was a teenager, a 99 year-old fortune teller told her that one day my grandmother will give birth to 8 children, 5 boys and 3 girls. All of which eerily came true. She also prophesied that the two children who will love my grandmother the most are child #5, who is female, and child #6, a male. Her fifth child did turn out to be a girl and the sixth a boy with whom she was the closest.
I’m certain you can guess which children of hers turned out to be her favourites. It’s not that my grandmother never did anything for her other children, she had helped all of her children in different ways at some points in their lives. However the amount of time or help each children received from her were vastly different that it caused the “other children” to feel unworthy and even unwanted. As they grew older, I noticed they pulled away from their mother and some became bitter towards her and stopped seeing her altogether.


Story #2: Madeleine
Note: All the names are changed to protect the privacies of everyone involved
Madeleine is a friend of mine who was treated unfavourably and unfairly by her parents. All her lives, she craved her parents’ approval and love. While they did care for her and supplied all of her physical needs, they were very cold, distant, and abusive towards her. One day, her mother gave birth to another girl, Faustine, who was loved and cherished since day one.
Madeleine showed me the discolouration on both of her arms, she’s got tanned arms with tiny white marks all over. I’ve always thought they were caused by sunburn or old scars from insect bites. Turned out she got them when she was younger as a result of the numerous times her mother pinched her arm skin using sharp fingernails until she drew blood. “Punishment for when I couldn’t memorize something correctly.” She couldn't contain her tears while recalling the painful memory. Faustine, on the other hand, had never been hit no matter how bad her mistakes were.
Her parents pressured Madeleine to do well at school, she would get reprimanded, grounded, yelled at, and even hit when she failed to get good grades. This caused her to be extremely hardworking and even a tad perfectionist. Meanwhile Faustine continued to fail academically, and instead of punishing her, her parents encouraged her to find her passion and have always been very patient with her.
Her parents also showered Faustine with a life of luxury, they bought her many expensive items. Faustine is much younger than Madeleine, but Madeleine gets her old cell phones. Now, Madeleine grew to be an independent and responsible adult. Faustine is all grown up too in her mid 20’s, still mooching off her parents and have demonstrated inabilities to make mature decisions because she’s used to having people do things for her.

原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Story #3: The Kingsleys
Note: All the names are changed to protect the privacies of everyone involved
The first member of the Kingsley family that I came in contact with was Gregg. One night, I was invited to a dinner with Gregg’s family, I noticed how differently he was treated. The parents would speak to his older and younger brothers in calm, respectful tone, but they looked and sounded annoyed when talking to Gregg.
Gregg gets blamed for everything that went wrong by everyone, including by his brothers.
When Gregg warned people not to order too much food, “Shut up, Gregg! Don’t be stingy! You’re not the one who’s going to pay the bill.” - Gregg’s older brother
When our food didn’t come out for a long time, “Gregg! Why did you suggest us to have dinner at such a slow service restaurant? We’re hungry!” -Gregg’s mother


When some of the food turned out to be disappointing, “We should never have listened to Gregg’s suggestion, Gregg doesn’t know good food! Bet he only chose this place cause it’s the cheapest place he could think of. Stingy bastard!” -Gregg’s younger brother
When it turned out that Gregg was right all along and they did indeed order too much food, he was the one tasked to finish the leftover food. Nobody ever apologized to Gregg.
Gregg is a bit of a pushover, he lets people walk all over him. I’ve known Gregg and his family for a long time now and I’ve noticed how his parents are always indifferent towards him, while they always worry about and try their best to help the other two sons. As I got to know them better, it turned out that the parents favour the eldest son. The difference in treatment was so apparent that Gregg’s younger brother got jealous and acted out. The parents still show partiality towards the oldest son, but pacify the youngest son by giving in to his every demands as they fear he might fall deeper in a self-destructive mode. Gregg still gets forgotten and ignored most of the times.
I met Gregg’s extended family multiple times and I found out that The Kingsleys are not discreet about playing favourite. It runs in the family. Gregg’s grandparents also have a child that is the obvious favourite. The golden child gets things from the parents that the other children can only dream of. It caused tensions within the family, they can’t enjoy a close family relationship. The siblings despise each other and are unable to trust one another as they all secretly wish to be THE parents’ favourite.


Vanessa Anne, Psychiatric Nurse

Vanessa Anne,精神科护士
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Every parent has a favorite child! However, it’s not always the same child!
I have 4 kids… ages 3,8,8,12. Sometimes my 12 year old wakes up in a bad mood and drags her feet getting ready for school, driving me to the brink of insanity as I silently control my rage, because that doesn’t NOT make her move any faster…. She is NOT my favorite at that time.
I get the 2 8 year old boys up and ready for school! They are already fighting over why one boy has to poop EVERY MORNING!! They are fighting over why the other boy never wears his school shirt or who gets to wear the Captain America pjs that night! They are NOT my favorite at that time…
My toddler gets up and apparently he woke up on the wrong side of the bed because even saying good morning to him makes him cry! He has a tantrum because I won’t let him feed his chocolate poptart to the dogs or give him M&M’s for breakfast. He wants to go outside and wait for the bus with his brothers, but refuses to put on a hat and coat and it’s 10 degrees out! He is NOT my favorite at that time!!
Now usually these scenarios don’t all happen in one day. It’s almost inevitable that at least one kid is going to have an issue in the morning. They are NOT my favorite that morning.
However, some days my daughter’s teacher calls me to tell me something she did for a fellow student that was above and beyond! She’s my favorite in that moment!!
One of the boys shares his video game with my toddler keeping him occupied for 45 minutes while I’m cooking dinner! He’s my favorite at that time!!
I tell the kids I’m leaving for school and I have a test, one of the older boys tells me Good luck and get a 100%!! He’s my favorite at the time!!
My toddler wants to snuggle up with me, kisses me, He’s my favorite at that time!!