QA问答：为什么有这么多美国人35岁还没结婚？
正文翻译
Why are so many Americans unmarried by the age of 35?
为什么有这么多美国人35岁还没结婚？
Why are so many Americans unmarried by the age of 35?
为什么有这么多美国人35岁还没结婚？
评论翻译
Danny Willams
The average 1st Time marriage in The United States is 8.3 years.
The average cost of a marriage in 2022? $35,000
The divorce rate for
1st Time Marriage ~ 50%
2nd Marriages ~ 60%
3rd Marriages ~70%
Men who marry prior to age 25? 90%
Men who marry because they got the woman got pregnant? 90%
在美国，第一次结婚的平均持续时间是8.3年。
2022年结婚的平均成本是多少？35000美元
英国的离婚率
第一次婚姻~ 50%
第二次婚姻~ 60%
第三次婚姻~70%
在25岁之前结婚的男人？90％
因为女人怀孕而结婚的男人？90％
The average 1st Time marriage in The United States is 8.3 years.
The average cost of a marriage in 2022? $35,000
The divorce rate for
1st Time Marriage ~ 50%
2nd Marriages ~ 60%
3rd Marriages ~70%
Men who marry prior to age 25? 90%
Men who marry because they got the woman got pregnant? 90%
在美国，第一次结婚的平均持续时间是8.3年。
2022年结婚的平均成本是多少？35000美元
英国的离婚率
第一次婚姻~ 50%
第二次婚姻~ 60%
第三次婚姻~70%
在25岁之前结婚的男人？90％
因为女人怀孕而结婚的男人？90％
Of the 50% of 1st time marriages who DON'T get divorce
Only 13% report that “They're Happly Married
Of the other 37% They reported they stay married because
Of religious convictions and reasons
What would parents, family, friends, neighbors think or say?
Finances
Children
If a man and want more sex? Stay single. If you want less sex, get married.
有50%的人在第一次婚姻后没有离婚
只有13%的人说“他们的婚姻是幸福”
另外37%的人说他们维持婚姻是因为宗教信仰和其他原因
父母、家人、朋友、邻居会怎么想或怎么说？
财务
孩子
如果一个男人想要更多的性？保持单身。如果你想少点性，那就结婚。
Only 13% report that “They're Happly Married
Of the other 37% They reported they stay married because
Of religious convictions and reasons
What would parents, family, friends, neighbors think or say?
Finances
Children
If a man and want more sex? Stay single. If you want less sex, get married.
有50%的人在第一次婚姻后没有离婚
只有13%的人说“他们的婚姻是幸福”
另外37%的人说他们维持婚姻是因为宗教信仰和其他原因
父母、家人、朋友、邻居会怎么想或怎么说？
财务
孩子
如果一个男人想要更多的性？保持单身。如果你想少点性，那就结婚。
Jay Bazzinotti
There is a concept in economics known as “Diminishing Marginal Utility”. It seems complicated but it’s really very simple. Imagine for a moment you have no shoes. You are barefoot. What do you do? Why, you go out and get a pair of shoes of course. Right? Isn’t that what you do? And once you have them, how do you FEEL about them? You probably love them and are very satisfied with them, wouldn’t you say? However, it’s impossible to measure satisfaction. Economists use the word “utils” to represent “satisfaction units” to fill in that blank for economic purposes. Because once you have that new pair of shoes and are very happy, what is your incentive to go out and get ANOTHER pair of shoes? Well, maybe you bought work shoes and now you need running shoes. So you go out and get running shoes. And maybe after that you need dress shoes for funerals and weddings and big dates.
经济学中有一个概念叫做“边际效用递减”。这看起来很复杂，但其实很简单。想象一下，你没有鞋子。你是赤脚，你会怎么做？你当然要出去买双鞋。对吧？你不就是这么做的吗？一旦你拥有了它们，你对它们有什么感觉？你可能很喜欢它们，对它们很满意，不是吗？然而，满意度是无法衡量的。经济学家使用“效用”这个词来代表“满意度”，以填补经济目标的空白。因为一旦你有了一双新鞋，你很高兴，你会有什么动力去买另一双鞋呢？嗯，也许你买了工作鞋，现在你需要跑步鞋。所以你出去买了跑鞋。在那之后，你可能需要在葬礼、婚礼和重要的约会时穿正装鞋。
There is a concept in economics known as “Diminishing Marginal Utility”. It seems complicated but it’s really very simple. Imagine for a moment you have no shoes. You are barefoot. What do you do? Why, you go out and get a pair of shoes of course. Right? Isn’t that what you do? And once you have them, how do you FEEL about them? You probably love them and are very satisfied with them, wouldn’t you say? However, it’s impossible to measure satisfaction. Economists use the word “utils” to represent “satisfaction units” to fill in that blank for economic purposes. Because once you have that new pair of shoes and are very happy, what is your incentive to go out and get ANOTHER pair of shoes? Well, maybe you bought work shoes and now you need running shoes. So you go out and get running shoes. And maybe after that you need dress shoes for funerals and weddings and big dates.
经济学中有一个概念叫做“边际效用递减”。这看起来很复杂，但其实很简单。想象一下，你没有鞋子。你是赤脚，你会怎么做？你当然要出去买双鞋。对吧？你不就是这么做的吗？一旦你拥有了它们，你对它们有什么感觉？你可能很喜欢它们，对它们很满意，不是吗？然而，满意度是无法衡量的。经济学家使用“效用”这个词来代表“满意度”，以填补经济目标的空白。因为一旦你有了一双新鞋，你很高兴，你会有什么动力去买另一双鞋呢？嗯，也许你买了工作鞋，现在你需要跑步鞋。所以你出去买了跑鞋。在那之后，你可能需要在葬礼、婚礼和重要的约会时穿正装鞋。
But there will come a time when, if you keep buying more shoes, the NEXT pair will no longer provide the same level of satisfaction as the FIRST pair, the pair you really needed, and each additional pair will provide even less satisfaction. The number of “utils” for each ADDITIONAL pair is less than the previous pair and continues to decline until you stop buying shoes. Even women who have 100 pairs of Jimmy Chiu shoes in their closet will find pairs they’ve forgotten about a year later - how many “utils” of satisfaction does a forgotten pair of shoes provide?
That is the concept of diminished marginal utility.
但总有一天，如果你继续买更多的鞋，那么那双鞋将不再像你真正第一次需要的那双鞋那样让你满意，每多买一双鞋带来的满足感就会更低。每一双额外鞋子的“满意度”的量少于前一双，并继续下降，直到你停止购买鞋子。即使女人的衣橱里有100双吉米·邱的鞋子，一年后也会发现自己忘记了那双买的鞋子——一双被遗忘的鞋子能带来多少满足感呢？
这就是边际效用递减的概念。
That is the concept of diminished marginal utility.
但总有一天，如果你继续买更多的鞋，那么那双鞋将不再像你真正第一次需要的那双鞋那样让你满意，每多买一双鞋带来的满足感就会更低。每一双额外鞋子的“满意度”的量少于前一双，并继续下降，直到你停止购买鞋子。即使女人的衣橱里有100双吉米·邱的鞋子，一年后也会发现自己忘记了那双买的鞋子——一双被遗忘的鞋子能带来多少满足感呢？
这就是边际效用递减的概念。
Marriage has become like that. In the old days, “love” was barely a tertiary consideration when marriage was in play. In old New England in the 1600s, if you were a woman with children and your husband died, the last thing you were thinking about was love. You were thinking about feeding and housing those kids because there was no social welfare if your dead husband didn’t provide for you. You were looking at the workhouse or moving to Mt Whoredom to sell your body to buy food and rent for those kids. (In Boston 3/4s of the unmarried women with kids were engaged in prostitution in 1870. In 1700, fully 7 percent of all the women in town were selling their bodies).
婚姻已经变成了这样。在过去，当婚姻出现时，“爱情”几乎不是第三考虑因素。在十七世纪的老新英格兰，如果你是一个有孩子的女人，你的丈夫死了，你最不可能想到的事情就是爱。你在考虑孩子们的食宿问题，因为如果你死去的丈夫不能养活你，那就没有社会福利。你在考虑去济贫院或者搬到Mt Whoredom去卖你的身体，为了给那些孩子们买食物和付租金。（1870年，波士顿有四分之三的未婚妇女带着孩子从事卖淫。1700年，镇上足足有7%的妇女出卖肉体）。
婚姻已经变成了这样。在过去，当婚姻出现时，“爱情”几乎不是第三考虑因素。在十七世纪的老新英格兰，如果你是一个有孩子的女人，你的丈夫死了，你最不可能想到的事情就是爱。你在考虑孩子们的食宿问题，因为如果你死去的丈夫不能养活你，那就没有社会福利。你在考虑去济贫院或者搬到Mt Whoredom去卖你的身体，为了给那些孩子们买食物和付租金。（1870年，波士顿有四分之三的未婚妇女带着孩子从事卖淫。1700年，镇上足足有7%的妇女出卖肉体）。
And if you’re a man working the Fairbanks House, you ask the neighbor with four daughters if his daughter can be your servant girl. Everyone knew what that meant. It meant she would come over and cook, clean and do laundry while he was out in the field plowing or making fences or felling trees and that eventually you’d marry and have kids who would take care of you in your dotage. He didn’t ask the neighbor two houses away for his daughter’s hand. He didn’t talk about love. He just needed someone to milk the fucking cows at 4:00Am so he could do the REAL work. And maybe you had a son. When rich Mr. Scillis came by and told you he needed a handyman you’d push that son of yours right over there where he would work from dawn to dusk doing every dirty thing Scillis wanted - and he’d live in his kitchen and eventually marry his daughter and become the heir because, you know, women couldn’t control money and property then. Love had very little to do with it. Maybe those people came to love their partners: based on my readings they did, but it started with a blind date based on need for work, not for love.
如果你是费尔班克斯公馆的工作人员，你会问有四个女儿的邻居，他的女儿是否可以做你的女仆。每个人都知道这意味着什么。这意味着她会过来做饭、打扫卫生、洗衣服，而他会在田里犁地、做篱笆或砍伐树木，最终你们会结婚，有孩子，在你年老时照顾你。他没有向隔着两户人家的邻居求婚。他不谈爱情。他只是需要有人在凌晨四点给奶牛挤奶，这样他才能做真正的工作。也许你有个儿子。当有钱的西利斯先生过来告诉你他需要一个杂工你就把你的儿子推到那里，他可以从早到晚干西利斯想干的任何肮脏的事—他住在他的厨房里，最后娶了他的女儿，成为继承人，因为，你知道，那时女人不能控制金钱和财产。这和爱情没有多大关系。也许这些人开始爱上他们的伴侣：根据我的解读，他们是这样做的，但这是从一场基于工作需求的相亲开始的，而不是为了爱情。
如果你是费尔班克斯公馆的工作人员，你会问有四个女儿的邻居，他的女儿是否可以做你的女仆。每个人都知道这意味着什么。这意味着她会过来做饭、打扫卫生、洗衣服，而他会在田里犁地、做篱笆或砍伐树木，最终你们会结婚，有孩子，在你年老时照顾你。他没有向隔着两户人家的邻居求婚。他不谈爱情。他只是需要有人在凌晨四点给奶牛挤奶，这样他才能做真正的工作。也许你有个儿子。当有钱的西利斯先生过来告诉你他需要一个杂工你就把你的儿子推到那里，他可以从早到晚干西利斯想干的任何肮脏的事—他住在他的厨房里，最后娶了他的女儿，成为继承人，因为，你知道，那时女人不能控制金钱和财产。这和爱情没有多大关系。也许这些人开始爱上他们的伴侣：根据我的解读，他们是这样做的，但这是从一场基于工作需求的相亲开始的，而不是为了爱情。
Today, why do people NEED to get married? The only REAL reason anymore is “love” which people are realizing is a pretty bullshit concept anyway. Almost half the people who get married for love get divorced anyway. So love is not enough.
In addition, while in the “old days” people were getting married and starting families at 15 and 16 years of age (imagine a 16 year old boy today desperately plowing a field by hand so his young wife could eat in January. I bet you can’t imagine it.), nowadays that age goes up and up and up because THERE IS NO REAL NEED TO GET MARRIED.
今天，为什么人们需要结婚？唯一真正的原因是“爱”，人们意识到这是一个相当扯淡的概念。因为爱而结婚的人，几乎有一半都离婚了。所以光有爱是不够的。
此外，在“旧时代”，人们在15、16岁结婚成家（想象一下，今天一个16岁的男孩拼命地徒手犁地，好让他年轻的妻子在一月份有饭吃，我打赌你无法想象。）现在这个年龄越来越大，因为没有必要结婚了。
In addition, while in the “old days” people were getting married and starting families at 15 and 16 years of age (imagine a 16 year old boy today desperately plowing a field by hand so his young wife could eat in January. I bet you can’t imagine it.), nowadays that age goes up and up and up because THERE IS NO REAL NEED TO GET MARRIED.
今天，为什么人们需要结婚？唯一真正的原因是“爱”，人们意识到这是一个相当扯淡的概念。因为爱而结婚的人，几乎有一半都离婚了。所以光有爱是不够的。
此外，在“旧时代”，人们在15、16岁结婚成家（想象一下，今天一个16岁的男孩拼命地徒手犁地，好让他年轻的妻子在一月份有饭吃，我打赌你无法想象。）现在这个年龄越来越大，因为没有必要结婚了。
People are not so different now. In those days, they wanted to get laid. Both men AND women were aware of their urges; they knew was sex was all about and they didn’t have two centuries of negative thinking telling them it was always “bad”; but they DID have a strict church, that they believed in with all their heart, telling them that you needed to be married to have acceptable sex. In those days, the engagement ring was a trade for sex; if a man took a girl’s virginity and didn’t marry her, at least she’d have something of value to make up for her lost honor. They paid for sex on the installment plan. So they had sex and then they got married and had sex, and then later fucked the milk maid or the handyman as needed. Today, sex is pretty easy to come by. You don’t need to get married to have sex. You can find whatever sex you want just about anywhere. So why get married?
现在的人们并没有太大的不同。在那个年代，他们想做爱。男性和女性都意识到自己的欲望； 他们知道性是一切，他们没有两个世纪的消极思想告诉他们性总是“不好的”；但他们有一个严格的教会，他们全心全意地相信，告诉他们你需要结婚才能有可接受的性行为。在那个年代，订婚戒指是性交易；如果一个男人夺走了一个女孩的童贞，但没有娶她，至少她会有一些有价值的东西来弥补她失去的荣誉。他们用分期付款的方式买性服务。所以他们做爱，然后结婚，然后做爱，然后在需要的时候和挤奶女工或者勤杂工上床。今天，性很容易获得。你不需要等结婚后才能做爱。你可以在任何地方找到你想要的性爱。那么为什么要结婚呢？
现在的人们并没有太大的不同。在那个年代，他们想做爱。男性和女性都意识到自己的欲望； 他们知道性是一切，他们没有两个世纪的消极思想告诉他们性总是“不好的”；但他们有一个严格的教会，他们全心全意地相信，告诉他们你需要结婚才能有可接受的性行为。在那个年代，订婚戒指是性交易；如果一个男人夺走了一个女孩的童贞，但没有娶她，至少她会有一些有价值的东西来弥补她失去的荣誉。他们用分期付款的方式买性服务。所以他们做爱，然后结婚，然后做爱，然后在需要的时候和挤奶女工或者勤杂工上床。今天，性很容易获得。你不需要等结婚后才能做爱。你可以在任何地方找到你想要的性爱。那么为什么要结婚呢？
In the old days, people NEEDED that “helpmate” as the Bible called the wife. The man simply couldn’t do everything because there was just too much to do. And like the birds and animals of the wild, he would build a nest that would be acceptable to a mate who would make it a “home”. Even in those days people remarked about the “eccentric” single man whose wife died and he didn’t remarry or who never took a wife and they would remark about his filthy hovel, because in those days, at the end of the day, the man was just too fucking tired to come home and start doing housework. No one has that problem anymore. We don’t NEED a helpmate.
And young people no longer have the means. They have (by and large) shitty jobs and huge college debts and live with mom and dad who themselves are barely hanging on by a string. Where is he going to take his new wife? To a shitty third floor walk up? Then what? They can live in poverty together? He doesn’t need to get married (nor her) to have a significant other, get laid and go to the movies.
在过去，人们需要像圣经中所说的妻子那样的“伴侣”。他根本不能做所有的事情，因为要做的事情太多了。就像野生的鸟类和动物一样，他会建造一个可以被配偶接受的巢穴，让它成为一个“家”。即使在那个年代，人们也会评论那些“古怪的”单身男人，他的妻子死了，他没有再婚，或者他从来没有娶过妻子，他们会评论他的肮脏的茅屋，因为在那个年代，在一天结束的时候，男人太累了，不想回家开始做家务。现在没人有这个问题了。我们不需要帮手。
年轻人不再有这个能力。他们（总的来说）有糟糕的工作，巨额的大学债务，和父母住在一起，而他们自己也几乎没有生活的支撑。
他要把他的新婚妻子带到哪里去？从三楼爬上去？然后呢？他们能一起生活在贫困中吗？他不需要结婚（也不需要她）来拥有一个重要的另一半，做爱和看电影。
And young people no longer have the means. They have (by and large) shitty jobs and huge college debts and live with mom and dad who themselves are barely hanging on by a string. Where is he going to take his new wife? To a shitty third floor walk up? Then what? They can live in poverty together? He doesn’t need to get married (nor her) to have a significant other, get laid and go to the movies.
在过去，人们需要像圣经中所说的妻子那样的“伴侣”。他根本不能做所有的事情，因为要做的事情太多了。就像野生的鸟类和动物一样，他会建造一个可以被配偶接受的巢穴，让它成为一个“家”。即使在那个年代，人们也会评论那些“古怪的”单身男人，他的妻子死了，他没有再婚，或者他从来没有娶过妻子，他们会评论他的肮脏的茅屋，因为在那个年代，在一天结束的时候，男人太累了，不想回家开始做家务。现在没人有这个问题了。我们不需要帮手。
年轻人不再有这个能力。他们（总的来说）有糟糕的工作，巨额的大学债务，和父母住在一起，而他们自己也几乎没有生活的支撑。
他要把他的新婚妻子带到哪里去？从三楼爬上去？然后呢？他们能一起生活在贫困中吗？他不需要结婚（也不需要她）来拥有一个重要的另一半，做爱和看电影。
The “utility” of marriage is diminishing every year. The main reason to get married is for the legal rights to care for each other and to be entitled legally to their estate, such as it is. They don’t even need to be married to pay for the kids - the State will try to ensure that one parent or the other pays through the nose for 18 years, marriage or not.
So what is the driving reason to get married now?
To me, the reason to get married is to have a best friend who will hold your hand when you get old and nod when I ask, “Remember when we…?”. The sex is going to diminish. Hopefully, we will both grow and change together and pool our assets so that in our dotage we aren’t eating dog food under the overpass.
婚姻的“效用”每年都在减少。结婚的主要原因是为了获得彼此关爱的法律权利，以及合法获得彼此的财产，尽管如此。他们甚至不需要结婚来养孩子——国家将努力确保父母中的一方在18年里支付大笔费用，不管是否结婚。
那么现在结婚的主要原因是什么呢？
对我来说，结婚的原因是有一个最好的朋友，当你老了，他会握着你的手，当我问“还记得我们……？”时，他会点头。性生活将会减少。希望我们都能一起成长，一起改变，把我们的财产集中起来，这样在我们年老的时候，我们就不会在天桥下吃狗粮了。
So what is the driving reason to get married now?
To me, the reason to get married is to have a best friend who will hold your hand when you get old and nod when I ask, “Remember when we…?”. The sex is going to diminish. Hopefully, we will both grow and change together and pool our assets so that in our dotage we aren’t eating dog food under the overpass.
婚姻的“效用”每年都在减少。结婚的主要原因是为了获得彼此关爱的法律权利，以及合法获得彼此的财产，尽管如此。他们甚至不需要结婚来养孩子——国家将努力确保父母中的一方在18年里支付大笔费用，不管是否结婚。
那么现在结婚的主要原因是什么呢？
对我来说，结婚的原因是有一个最好的朋友，当你老了，他会握着你的手，当我问“还记得我们……？”时，他会点头。性生活将会减少。希望我们都能一起成长，一起改变，把我们的财产集中起来，这样在我们年老的时候，我们就不会在天桥下吃狗粮了。
George
Because they get to have sex. In country like mine, India it's a taboo thing to have sex before marriage. And it's not just that, people can also experience relationships and can have girlfriend/boyfriend for the emotional need in America. In India, you just can't.
I remember a conversation with my cousin, I told him, “Dude, I've no plans on getting married ever.”
His response, “How are you going to live without sex?”
See, people have no choice but to get married to have active sex life. But I really hated him for saying that, because if you're going to (arrange) marry someone “for sex” your marriage is doomed to fail.
Anyway, it's not a big taboo nowadays.. but it's still difficult to have a partner before marriage. You just have to pretend like they are your friend or try to keep that thing as secret as possible unless you're dead serious about marrying that person.
因为他们可以做爱。在像我所在的印度这样的国家，婚前性行为是禁忌。不仅如此，在美国，人们还可以体验恋爱关系，可以有女朋友/男朋友来满足情感需求。在印度，你就是做不到。
我记得和我表弟的一次谈话，我告诉他:“哥们，我从来没有结婚的计划。”
他的回答是：“没有性你怎么活啊？”
人们别无选择，只有结婚才能有活跃的性生活。但我真的很讨厌他这么说，因为如果你要“为了性”而和某人结婚，你的婚姻注定要失败。
不管怎样，现在这已经不是什么大禁忌了。但是在婚前还是很难有一个伴侣。
你只需要假装他们是你的朋友，或者尽量保守这个秘密，除非你真的想和那个人结婚。
Because they get to have sex. In country like mine, India it's a taboo thing to have sex before marriage. And it's not just that, people can also experience relationships and can have girlfriend/boyfriend for the emotional need in America. In India, you just can't.
I remember a conversation with my cousin, I told him, “Dude, I've no plans on getting married ever.”
His response, “How are you going to live without sex?”
See, people have no choice but to get married to have active sex life. But I really hated him for saying that, because if you're going to (arrange) marry someone “for sex” your marriage is doomed to fail.
Anyway, it's not a big taboo nowadays.. but it's still difficult to have a partner before marriage. You just have to pretend like they are your friend or try to keep that thing as secret as possible unless you're dead serious about marrying that person.
因为他们可以做爱。在像我所在的印度这样的国家，婚前性行为是禁忌。不仅如此，在美国，人们还可以体验恋爱关系，可以有女朋友/男朋友来满足情感需求。在印度，你就是做不到。
我记得和我表弟的一次谈话，我告诉他:“哥们，我从来没有结婚的计划。”
他的回答是：“没有性你怎么活啊？”
人们别无选择，只有结婚才能有活跃的性生活。但我真的很讨厌他这么说，因为如果你要“为了性”而和某人结婚，你的婚姻注定要失败。
不管怎样，现在这已经不是什么大禁忌了。但是在婚前还是很难有一个伴侣。
你只需要假装他们是你的朋友，或者尽量保守这个秘密，除非你真的想和那个人结婚。
David Miller
Increasingly, men in particular are realizing that marriage as it exists in the US is a scam; it benefits only women, florists and caterers. The US marriage contract is skewed to protect only the “wife’s” interests at the expense of the “husband.” From the moment of marriage, she has no requirements whatsoever, she doesn’t have to cook, clean, cooperate in any way, have any contact with her husband, nor anything else. He on the other hand is obligated to give her half of his accumulated and future wealth, their home, their dog, their car(s), their kids if any, whether she merely gets tired of him or if she had this in mind all along.
尤其是男性，越来越多地意识到，在美国存在的婚姻是一个骗局；它只对女性、花商和餐饮商有利。美国的婚姻契约是扭曲的，只保护“妻子”的利益，而牺牲了“丈夫”的利益。从结婚的那一刻起，她就没有任何要求，她不需要做饭，不需要打扫，不需要以任何方式合作，不需要与丈夫有任何接触，也不需要做任何其他事情。另一方面，他有义务把他积累的和未来的财富的一半给她，他们的家，他们的狗，他们的车，他们的孩子（如果有的话），不管她只是厌倦了他还是她一直有这个想法。
Increasingly, men in particular are realizing that marriage as it exists in the US is a scam; it benefits only women, florists and caterers. The US marriage contract is skewed to protect only the “wife’s” interests at the expense of the “husband.” From the moment of marriage, she has no requirements whatsoever, she doesn’t have to cook, clean, cooperate in any way, have any contact with her husband, nor anything else. He on the other hand is obligated to give her half of his accumulated and future wealth, their home, their dog, their car(s), their kids if any, whether she merely gets tired of him or if she had this in mind all along.
尤其是男性，越来越多地意识到，在美国存在的婚姻是一个骗局；它只对女性、花商和餐饮商有利。美国的婚姻契约是扭曲的，只保护“妻子”的利益，而牺牲了“丈夫”的利益。从结婚的那一刻起，她就没有任何要求，她不需要做饭，不需要打扫，不需要以任何方式合作，不需要与丈夫有任何接触，也不需要做任何其他事情。另一方面，他有义务把他积累的和未来的财富的一半给她，他们的家，他们的狗，他们的车，他们的孩子（如果有的话），不管她只是厌倦了他还是她一直有这个想法。
Matthew Bates
My wife and I got married in our mid-20s, some 15 years ago, and have been happily married ever since. Over those 15 years, we’ve seen many people in our social circles struggle to find someone to marry and, for some of them, eventually just giving up and accepting the single life. The “giving up” usually happens by their late 30s.
With the exception of one man I know who is in his 50s and has been single his whole life, literally every other single person in our social circle over the age of 25 and still single is a woman. Every single one. I’m sure there are a lot of single guys out there. But I’m just saying that I, personally, only know one such guy, and I’m convinced that guy has undiagnosed Aspergers and has zero desire to be social with anyone, much less date them.
The single women in my social circles all fit the same profile. They’re all:
College graduates.
Full-time, salaried employees.
Attractive.
我和妻子在25岁左右结婚，大约15年前，从那以后我们的婚姻一直很幸福。在这15年里，我们看到我们的社交圈里有很多人努力寻找结婚对象，其中一些人最终放弃了，接受了单身生活。“放弃”通常发生在他们快30岁的时候。
除了我认识的一个50多岁一直单身的男人，我们社交圈里25岁以上仍然单身的人几乎都是女性。
每一个人，我相信还有很多单身男人。但我想说的是，就我个人而言，我只认识一个这样的人，而且我确信这个人患有未确诊的亚斯伯格症而且完全不想和任何人交往，更不用说和他们约会了。
我社交圈里的单身女性都符合同一特征。他们都是：大学毕业生，全职，受薪员工，有吸引力。
My wife and I got married in our mid-20s, some 15 years ago, and have been happily married ever since. Over those 15 years, we’ve seen many people in our social circles struggle to find someone to marry and, for some of them, eventually just giving up and accepting the single life. The “giving up” usually happens by their late 30s.
With the exception of one man I know who is in his 50s and has been single his whole life, literally every other single person in our social circle over the age of 25 and still single is a woman. Every single one. I’m sure there are a lot of single guys out there. But I’m just saying that I, personally, only know one such guy, and I’m convinced that guy has undiagnosed Aspergers and has zero desire to be social with anyone, much less date them.
The single women in my social circles all fit the same profile. They’re all:
College graduates.
Full-time, salaried employees.
Attractive.
我和妻子在25岁左右结婚，大约15年前，从那以后我们的婚姻一直很幸福。在这15年里，我们看到我们的社交圈里有很多人努力寻找结婚对象，其中一些人最终放弃了，接受了单身生活。“放弃”通常发生在他们快30岁的时候。
除了我认识的一个50多岁一直单身的男人，我们社交圈里25岁以上仍然单身的人几乎都是女性。
每一个人，我相信还有很多单身男人。但我想说的是，就我个人而言，我只认识一个这样的人，而且我确信这个人患有未确诊的亚斯伯格症而且完全不想和任何人交往，更不用说和他们约会了。
我社交圈里的单身女性都符合同一特征。他们都是：大学毕业生，全职，受薪员工，有吸引力。
Listening to them talk about their love lives, I’ve also learned that they all seem to have the same struggles. They all want to find a man and get married and raise a family. Or, that’s what they wanted before they finally just gave up. But, according to them, they can’t find a guy who is:
Interested in getting married and starting a family.
Not a drug addict, abusive, or unemployed.
Not already married and just looking for some side action.
Within a reasonable geographic distance.
They’ve all also been hurt by a guy before. One got stood up at the altar. Two lost their husbands to much younger women. Several have been in mentally or physically abusive relationships. They’ve all… literally all of them… been cheated on.
I can’t speak for what’s happening outside of my social circle, but I can say positively that the reason some attractive women over the age of 35 in the Chicagoland area are still single isn’t for want of trying to find a man to marry, but for a lack of marriage-minded, single, decent men in the area.
听他们谈论他们的爱情生活，我也了解到他们似乎都有同样的挣扎。她们都想找个男人结婚成家。或者，这就是他们最终放弃之前想要的原因。但据他们说，他们找不到这样的人：
对结婚和组建家庭感兴趣。
不是瘾君子，虐待狂，或是无业游民。
还没结婚，只是在找点副业。
在合理的地理距离内。
她们以前也都被男人伤害过。有一个在圣坛上被放鸽子了。其中两人的丈夫被比自己年轻得多的女人夺走。其中一些人曾遭受过精神或身体上的虐待。
他们所有人，几乎所有人，都被欺骗过。
我不知道我的社交圈之外发生了什么，但我可以肯定地说，芝加哥地区一些超过35岁的有魅力的女性仍然单身的原因不是因为不想找个男人结婚，而是因为该地区缺乏有结婚意识的单身体面男人。
Interested in getting married and starting a family.
Not a drug addict, abusive, or unemployed.
Not already married and just looking for some side action.
Within a reasonable geographic distance.
They’ve all also been hurt by a guy before. One got stood up at the altar. Two lost their husbands to much younger women. Several have been in mentally or physically abusive relationships. They’ve all… literally all of them… been cheated on.
I can’t speak for what’s happening outside of my social circle, but I can say positively that the reason some attractive women over the age of 35 in the Chicagoland area are still single isn’t for want of trying to find a man to marry, but for a lack of marriage-minded, single, decent men in the area.
听他们谈论他们的爱情生活，我也了解到他们似乎都有同样的挣扎。她们都想找个男人结婚成家。或者，这就是他们最终放弃之前想要的原因。但据他们说，他们找不到这样的人：
对结婚和组建家庭感兴趣。
不是瘾君子，虐待狂，或是无业游民。
还没结婚，只是在找点副业。
在合理的地理距离内。
她们以前也都被男人伤害过。有一个在圣坛上被放鸽子了。其中两人的丈夫被比自己年轻得多的女人夺走。其中一些人曾遭受过精神或身体上的虐待。
他们所有人，几乎所有人，都被欺骗过。
我不知道我的社交圈之外发生了什么，但我可以肯定地说，芝加哥地区一些超过35岁的有魅力的女性仍然单身的原因不是因为不想找个男人结婚，而是因为该地区缺乏有结婚意识的单身体面男人。
In a very strange turn of events, I, the loser who couldn’t get a date until he was in college, and ended up marrying the first and only woman he ever dated… I have become some sort of aspirational husband ideal for the single women in my wife and my social circles. Some of them have commented that they wish they could find a nice guy like me. I try not to let that go to my head. Instead, I tell them to check their friend zone. The guy they’re looking for is probably there.
在一个非常奇怪的转折中，我，一个直到上大学才有约会对象的失败者，最后娶了他约会过的第一个也是唯一一个女人…我已经成为我妻子和我的社交圈里的单身女性梦寐以求的理想丈夫。他们中的一些人评论说，他们希望能找到一个像我这样的好男人。我试着不让它冲昏头脑。相反，我告诉他们看看他们的朋友圈，他们要找的人可能就在那里。
在一个非常奇怪的转折中，我，一个直到上大学才有约会对象的失败者，最后娶了他约会过的第一个也是唯一一个女人…我已经成为我妻子和我的社交圈里的单身女性梦寐以求的理想丈夫。他们中的一些人评论说，他们希望能找到一个像我这样的好男人。我试着不让它冲昏头脑。相反，我告诉他们看看他们的朋友圈，他们要找的人可能就在那里。
Ty Doyle
Put simply, the purpose of marriage has changed and as a result, marriage is more of a choice than it was in the past. Even going back 75 years, marriage had a clear purpose:
It gave both husband and wife a space where they could have “respectable” sex and raise “respectable” children since premarital sex and out-of-wedlock children were generally considered shameful,
In a world where women were expected to be homemakers, it gave the wife a source of financial support, and
It signaled that the husband was now an adult and respectable “family man” member of society.
So to sum it up, for my grandparents, marriage was something that both men and women needed in order to raise families and be part of mainstream society.
简而言之，婚姻的目的改变了，因此，婚姻比过去更像是一种选择。即使回到75年前，婚姻也有一个明确的目的：
这给了夫妻双方一个空间，他们可以有“体面的”性行为，养育“体面的”孩子，因为婚前性行为和非婚生孩子通常被认为是可耻的，
在一个女性被认为是家庭主妇的世界里，它给了妻子经济支持的来源，这表明丈夫现在是一个成年的、受人尊敬的“顾家男人”的社会成员。
总而言之，对我的祖父母来说，婚姻是男人和女人都需要的，这样他们才能养家糊口，成为主流社会的一份子。
Put simply, the purpose of marriage has changed and as a result, marriage is more of a choice than it was in the past. Even going back 75 years, marriage had a clear purpose:
It gave both husband and wife a space where they could have “respectable” sex and raise “respectable” children since premarital sex and out-of-wedlock children were generally considered shameful,
In a world where women were expected to be homemakers, it gave the wife a source of financial support, and
It signaled that the husband was now an adult and respectable “family man” member of society.
So to sum it up, for my grandparents, marriage was something that both men and women needed in order to raise families and be part of mainstream society.
简而言之，婚姻的目的改变了，因此，婚姻比过去更像是一种选择。即使回到75年前，婚姻也有一个明确的目的：
这给了夫妻双方一个空间，他们可以有“体面的”性行为，养育“体面的”孩子，因为婚前性行为和非婚生孩子通常被认为是可耻的，
在一个女性被认为是家庭主妇的世界里，它给了妻子经济支持的来源，这表明丈夫现在是一个成年的、受人尊敬的“顾家男人”的社会成员。
总而言之，对我的祖父母来说，婚姻是男人和女人都需要的，这样他们才能养家糊口，成为主流社会的一份子。
Today, of course, premarital sex is common and expected aside from the devoutly religious, a substantial majority of women work outside the home and expect to do so through retirement age, and while children outside of marriage are not quite respectable in most circles, their occurrence is now so common that having children without marriage is no longer shameful, either. In this world - where people can have complete “adult” lives with sex, independent finances, and even children without marriage - marriage is no longer as necessary as it once was, and it's therefore not surprising that people are marrying later in life and many are even choosing to forego marriage entirely.
Moreover, due to these changes - as well as young people increasingly being burdened by educational debt - marriage has essentially flipped in the order of “adulting.” A middle-class woman of my grandmother's generation would not have married an unemployed man with no prospects, but all things being equal, historically, people would get hitched and then build a life together, trusting that things would work out in time. Today's marriages tend to be more “mergers of equals” than in the past, and as a lot of young people don't have their financial ducks in a row until they're in their 30s (if that), they're not attractive “merger” partners (nor do they necessarily want the responsibility of family) right away.
当然，今天，除了虔诚的宗教信仰，婚前性行为是常见的，也是意料之中的，绝大多数女性在外工作，并希望在退休年龄时继续工作，虽然在大多数圈子里，婚外生子并不受人尊敬，但这种情况现在非常普遍，没有婚姻就有孩子也不再是可耻的。在这个世界上，人们可以有完整的“成人”的生活性，财政独立，甚至有孩子没有婚姻，婚姻不再是像过去那样有必要了，因此在后来的生活中，许多人甚至选择完全放弃婚姻，这都是不足为奇的。
此外，由于这些变化——以及年轻人越来越多地承担教育债务的负担——婚姻从本质上已经按照“成人”的顺序发生了翻转。我祖母那一代的中产阶级女性不会嫁给一个没有前途的失业男人，但在历史上，如果一切都是平等的，人们会结婚，然后一起生活，相信事情会慢慢解决。今天的婚姻比过去更倾向于“平等合并”，由于很多年轻人直到30多岁（如果30多岁的话）才会有财务上的问题，他们不是有吸引力的“合并”伙伴（也不一定想要立即承担家庭责任）。
Moreover, due to these changes - as well as young people increasingly being burdened by educational debt - marriage has essentially flipped in the order of “adulting.” A middle-class woman of my grandmother's generation would not have married an unemployed man with no prospects, but all things being equal, historically, people would get hitched and then build a life together, trusting that things would work out in time. Today's marriages tend to be more “mergers of equals” than in the past, and as a lot of young people don't have their financial ducks in a row until they're in their 30s (if that), they're not attractive “merger” partners (nor do they necessarily want the responsibility of family) right away.
当然，今天，除了虔诚的宗教信仰，婚前性行为是常见的，也是意料之中的，绝大多数女性在外工作，并希望在退休年龄时继续工作，虽然在大多数圈子里，婚外生子并不受人尊敬，但这种情况现在非常普遍，没有婚姻就有孩子也不再是可耻的。在这个世界上，人们可以有完整的“成人”的生活性，财政独立，甚至有孩子没有婚姻，婚姻不再是像过去那样有必要了，因此在后来的生活中，许多人甚至选择完全放弃婚姻，这都是不足为奇的。
此外，由于这些变化——以及年轻人越来越多地承担教育债务的负担——婚姻从本质上已经按照“成人”的顺序发生了翻转。我祖母那一代的中产阶级女性不会嫁给一个没有前途的失业男人，但在历史上，如果一切都是平等的，人们会结婚，然后一起生活，相信事情会慢慢解决。今天的婚姻比过去更倾向于“平等合并”，由于很多年轻人直到30多岁（如果30多岁的话）才会有财务上的问题，他们不是有吸引力的“合并”伙伴（也不一定想要立即承担家庭责任）。
Naji Sfeir
I am not an American but I studied in the US and had the chance to stay there. I decided to go back to my country Lebanon which is politically unstable. The reasons are marriage and family issues in the US. In my opinion, US laws favor women. The culture does not help people make long-term commitments.
Every woman realizes that if she divorces a well-to-do man she can walk with half what he owns. This is an incentive for a divorce. No wonder many women choose to exit. Men feel betrayed by the system. Often judges give the children to the women to raise. The men get parental visits. On the other hand, her new boyfriend can visit every day.
You often hear this line on TV: “ You have been sleeping with the same woman for 20 years!” The culture encourages people to cheat. I have been married for 23 years and have been sleeping only with my wife. If I were in the US, I would have been ashamed of myself.
我不是美国人，但我在美国学习并有机会留在那里。我决定回到我的国家黎巴嫩，即使那里政治不稳定。原因是美国的婚姻和家庭问题。在我看来，美国法律偏袒女性。这种文化不能帮助人们做出长期的承诺。
每个女人都知道，如果她和一个富裕的男人离婚，她可以带走他一半的财产。这是离婚的诱因。难怪许多女性选择离婚。男人觉得被体制背叛了。法官通常会把孩子交给妇女抚养。男人们得到了父母的探视。另一方面，她的新男友可以每天来看她。
你经常在电视上听到这句话：“你和同一个女人睡了20年！” 这种文化鼓励人们欺骗。我结婚23年了，一直只和我妻子睡。如果我在美国，我会为自己感到羞耻。
I am not an American but I studied in the US and had the chance to stay there. I decided to go back to my country Lebanon which is politically unstable. The reasons are marriage and family issues in the US. In my opinion, US laws favor women. The culture does not help people make long-term commitments.
Every woman realizes that if she divorces a well-to-do man she can walk with half what he owns. This is an incentive for a divorce. No wonder many women choose to exit. Men feel betrayed by the system. Often judges give the children to the women to raise. The men get parental visits. On the other hand, her new boyfriend can visit every day.
You often hear this line on TV: “ You have been sleeping with the same woman for 20 years!” The culture encourages people to cheat. I have been married for 23 years and have been sleeping only with my wife. If I were in the US, I would have been ashamed of myself.
我不是美国人，但我在美国学习并有机会留在那里。我决定回到我的国家黎巴嫩，即使那里政治不稳定。原因是美国的婚姻和家庭问题。在我看来，美国法律偏袒女性。这种文化不能帮助人们做出长期的承诺。
每个女人都知道，如果她和一个富裕的男人离婚，她可以带走他一半的财产。这是离婚的诱因。难怪许多女性选择离婚。男人觉得被体制背叛了。法官通常会把孩子交给妇女抚养。男人们得到了父母的探视。另一方面，她的新男友可以每天来看她。
你经常在电视上听到这句话：“你和同一个女人睡了20年！” 这种文化鼓励人们欺骗。我结婚23年了，一直只和我妻子睡。如果我在美国，我会为自己感到羞耻。
Broken families are creating broken people. No wonder it is hard to find a balanced man who can raise a family. I agree that serious girls also find it hard to meet Mr. Right. The media is mad, the culture is mad, and everything encourages shallowness. Unfortunately, this culture is now leaking into my own country.
The western modern culture and laws successfully dethroned a king - the western man. He no longer has authority over his wife or his children and, therefore, he no longer felt obliged to protect and commit his life to his family. Of course, this is an exaggeration but it will help me highlight my point of view.
My wife is twelve years younger than me. In my backward opinion, I believe this is better for a long-term marriage. Women mature faster and age faster. I have met women my age who in my twenties found sexy and wished I could marry them. If they stand by me now, they look older than my mother. I am sure I would have been tempted to make a relationship elsewhere.
My wife takes care of the house, cooks, and helps me in my business. We have been able to give our children a warm environment and healthy food. None of my children got a tattoo or tried drugs. We are a traditional family with traditional values.
破碎的家庭造就破碎的人。难怪很难找到一个能养家糊口的男人。我同意认真的女孩也觉得很难遇到自己的白马王子。但媒体疯了，文化疯了，一切都在助长浅薄。不幸的是，这种文化正在渗透到我自己的国家。
西方现代文化和法律成功地废黜了一个国王——西方人。他不再对他的妻子或孩子有权力，因此，他不再觉得有义务保护他的家庭，并把他的生命托付给他的家庭。当然，这是一种夸张的说法，但它将帮助我突出我的观点。
我妻子比我小12岁。以我过去的观点来看，我认为这对长期的婚姻更有利。女人成熟得更快，衰老得也更快。我遇到过和我年龄相仿的女性，她们在我20多岁的时候觉得自己很性感，希望我能娶她们为妻。如果他们现在站在我身边，他们看起来比我妈妈还老。我相信我也会被引诱去其他地方谈恋爱。
我的妻子料理家务，做饭，帮助我做生意。我们能够给我们的孩子一个温暖的环境和健康的食物。我的孩子们都没有纹身，也没有吸毒。我们是一个有着传统价值观的传统家庭。
The western modern culture and laws successfully dethroned a king - the western man. He no longer has authority over his wife or his children and, therefore, he no longer felt obliged to protect and commit his life to his family. Of course, this is an exaggeration but it will help me highlight my point of view.
My wife is twelve years younger than me. In my backward opinion, I believe this is better for a long-term marriage. Women mature faster and age faster. I have met women my age who in my twenties found sexy and wished I could marry them. If they stand by me now, they look older than my mother. I am sure I would have been tempted to make a relationship elsewhere.
My wife takes care of the house, cooks, and helps me in my business. We have been able to give our children a warm environment and healthy food. None of my children got a tattoo or tried drugs. We are a traditional family with traditional values.
破碎的家庭造就破碎的人。难怪很难找到一个能养家糊口的男人。我同意认真的女孩也觉得很难遇到自己的白马王子。但媒体疯了，文化疯了，一切都在助长浅薄。不幸的是，这种文化正在渗透到我自己的国家。
西方现代文化和法律成功地废黜了一个国王——西方人。他不再对他的妻子或孩子有权力，因此，他不再觉得有义务保护他的家庭，并把他的生命托付给他的家庭。当然，这是一种夸张的说法，但它将帮助我突出我的观点。
我妻子比我小12岁。以我过去的观点来看，我认为这对长期的婚姻更有利。女人成熟得更快，衰老得也更快。我遇到过和我年龄相仿的女性，她们在我20多岁的时候觉得自己很性感，希望我能娶她们为妻。如果他们现在站在我身边，他们看起来比我妈妈还老。我相信我也会被引诱去其他地方谈恋爱。
我的妻子料理家务，做饭，帮助我做生意。我们能够给我们的孩子一个温暖的环境和健康的食物。我的孩子们都没有纹身，也没有吸毒。我们是一个有着传统价值观的传统家庭。
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