你为什么还是单身？（下）
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Suryasis Hirok Paul
I proposed to a girl, she told me that I deserve better.
I proposed to another girl, she told me that I deserve better.
I proposed to a third girl, she told me that I deserve still better.
At last I concluded that only I deserve myself.
P.S : In case you think this is a joke, it is not. It is something that really happened to me. It is short and humorous . But it exposes an important issue and that is instead of letting others judge you and getting rejected , one must work for oneself and be his own judge. I believe in self improvement , that is why I am single nowadays.
我向一个女孩求婚，她说我应该得到更好的。
我向另一个女孩求婚，她说我应该得到更好的。
我向第三个女孩求婚，她说我应该得到更好的。
最后我得出结论，只有我配得上我自己。
PS:如果你认为这是一个笑话，它不是。这是真实发生在我身上的事情。它短小幽默。但它暴露了一个重要的问题，那就是与其让别人评价你，然后被拒绝，你必须为自己工作，成为自己的判断者。我相信自我提升，这就是我现在单身的原因。
I proposed to a girl, she told me that I deserve better.
I proposed to another girl, she told me that I deserve better.
I proposed to a third girl, she told me that I deserve still better.
At last I concluded that only I deserve myself.
P.S : In case you think this is a joke, it is not. It is something that really happened to me. It is short and humorous . But it exposes an important issue and that is instead of letting others judge you and getting rejected , one must work for oneself and be his own judge. I believe in self improvement , that is why I am single nowadays.
我向一个女孩求婚，她说我应该得到更好的。
我向另一个女孩求婚，她说我应该得到更好的。
我向第三个女孩求婚，她说我应该得到更好的。
最后我得出结论，只有我配得上我自己。
PS:如果你认为这是一个笑话，它不是。这是真实发生在我身上的事情。它短小幽默。但它暴露了一个重要的问题，那就是与其让别人评价你，然后被拒绝，你必须为自己工作，成为自己的判断者。我相信自我提升，这就是我现在单身的原因。
Hillari Hunter
Because many men claim they want a good woman, but many men don’t want to do what it takes to keep one. I’m not compromising about issues like faithfulness and loyalty. I never wanted kids. I don’t play games, and I’m not tolerating that in relationships. I refused to be a part of harems. I don’t believe in bed-hopping.
很多男人声称他们想要一个好女人，但很多男人不想为了留住一个好女人而付出代价。我不会在忠诚等问题上妥协。我从来不想要孩子，我不玩恋爱游戏，我也不允许在感情中玩游戏。我拒绝成为后宫的一员，我不相信约炮。
Because many men claim they want a good woman, but many men don’t want to do what it takes to keep one. I’m not compromising about issues like faithfulness and loyalty. I never wanted kids. I don’t play games, and I’m not tolerating that in relationships. I refused to be a part of harems. I don’t believe in bed-hopping.
很多男人声称他们想要一个好女人，但很多男人不想为了留住一个好女人而付出代价。我不会在忠诚等问题上妥协。我从来不想要孩子，我不玩恋爱游戏，我也不允许在感情中玩游戏。我拒绝成为后宫的一员，我不相信约炮。
Rohan Jain
Over the past few years, I have observed a pattern. Whenever I like a girl, I become friends with her. But I am never able to express my feelings to her, primarily due to two reasons:
Fear of rejection, and losing her even as a friend
Fear of choosing the wrong person, and suffering a heartbreak later
This has happened quite a few times now. I guess I am afraid of commitment. Or I just keep procrastinating until it is too late.
在过去的几年里，我观察到了一种现象。每当我喜欢一个女孩，我就和她成为朋友。但我一直无法向她表达我的感受，主要有两个原因:
害怕被拒绝，害怕失去她这个朋友
怕选错了人，怕以后再遭受心碎的感觉。
这种情况已经发生过好几次了。我想我是害怕承诺。或者我只是一直拖延，直到为时已晚。
Over the past few years, I have observed a pattern. Whenever I like a girl, I become friends with her. But I am never able to express my feelings to her, primarily due to two reasons:
Fear of rejection, and losing her even as a friend
Fear of choosing the wrong person, and suffering a heartbreak later
This has happened quite a few times now. I guess I am afraid of commitment. Or I just keep procrastinating until it is too late.
在过去的几年里，我观察到了一种现象。每当我喜欢一个女孩，我就和她成为朋友。但我一直无法向她表达我的感受，主要有两个原因:
害怕被拒绝，害怕失去她这个朋友
怕选错了人，怕以后再遭受心碎的感觉。
这种情况已经发生过好几次了。我想我是害怕承诺。或者我只是一直拖延，直到为时已晚。
Harshita Sharma
I am still single because I take time to fall for people. In my college, I found only two people interesting. One was my senior and other one was my professor. I couldn't date that senior because of our ego issues and professor because of age differences. So, no affairs in college.
One of the reasons of being single is that 90% people don't approach me assuming I must already be in a relationship. I don't blame them. :D
Another reason could be that I rarely find people I can emotionally connect with. That's a must for me.
I didn't have feelings for my friends who fell for me.
Apart from career is my priority and I am scared of failure of relationship, I think it would be difficult for a person to accept me with my past. I have had a failed relationship and I was the reason. So I guess I deserve that.
So basically these are the main reasons of me being single. Though I can change my relationship status within minutes. That's not a big deal for me. But I am single by choice. At least for now. Looking for the right guy, I guess.
我还是单身，因为我需要时间去爱上别人。在我上大学的时候，我发现只有两个人有趣。一个是我的学长，另一个是我的教授。我不能和那个学长约会是因为我们的自尊心问题，而教授是因为年龄差异。所以在大学期间没有谈恋爱。
单身的原因之一是90%的人在接近我的时候认为我一定已经在谈恋爱了。我不怪他们。另一个原因可能是我很少找到能与我有情感联系的人。这对我来说是必不可少的。我对那些爱上我的朋友没有感觉。
除了事业是我的首要选项，我也害怕感情失败，我觉得很难让一个人接受我的过去。我有过一段失败的感情，这就是原因。所以我想也许这是我应得的报应。
所以基本上这些就是我单身的主要原因。不过我可以在几分钟内改变我的感情状态。这对我来说没什么大不了的。但我选择单身。至少现在是这样。我想我还是在找真命天子吧。
I am still single because I take time to fall for people. In my college, I found only two people interesting. One was my senior and other one was my professor. I couldn't date that senior because of our ego issues and professor because of age differences. So, no affairs in college.
One of the reasons of being single is that 90% people don't approach me assuming I must already be in a relationship. I don't blame them. :D
Another reason could be that I rarely find people I can emotionally connect with. That's a must for me.
I didn't have feelings for my friends who fell for me.
Apart from career is my priority and I am scared of failure of relationship, I think it would be difficult for a person to accept me with my past. I have had a failed relationship and I was the reason. So I guess I deserve that.
So basically these are the main reasons of me being single. Though I can change my relationship status within minutes. That's not a big deal for me. But I am single by choice. At least for now. Looking for the right guy, I guess.
我还是单身，因为我需要时间去爱上别人。在我上大学的时候，我发现只有两个人有趣。一个是我的学长，另一个是我的教授。我不能和那个学长约会是因为我们的自尊心问题，而教授是因为年龄差异。所以在大学期间没有谈恋爱。
单身的原因之一是90%的人在接近我的时候认为我一定已经在谈恋爱了。我不怪他们。另一个原因可能是我很少找到能与我有情感联系的人。这对我来说是必不可少的。我对那些爱上我的朋友没有感觉。
除了事业是我的首要选项，我也害怕感情失败，我觉得很难让一个人接受我的过去。我有过一段失败的感情，这就是原因。所以我想也许这是我应得的报应。
所以基本上这些就是我单身的主要原因。不过我可以在几分钟内改变我的感情状态。这对我来说没什么大不了的。但我选择单身。至少现在是这样。我想我还是在找真命天子吧。
Mike Berring
I'm still single because I don't know how to be in a relationship. I've only recently (within the past 10 to15 years) learned how to live.
I have had one marriage, and several relationships, and managed them all in such a way that I've wound up alone (although I am on good terms with all of my exes, except for one or two). And now, I hardly have the patience for meeting new people, going through the time to get to know them all on a remote chance that I might find someone compatible with a 'road less travelled’ sonofamother like myself.
So I put my efforts into my work, which I am pretty good at, and my hobbies are helping friends fix their cars, cellphones, computers, whatever, and reading on Quora, and I call it a life.
I wish it were different. But I have made a lot of mistakes in the past, and never really had a good foundation, or sense of direction, and have had to learn a great deal of stuff by trial and error, things that a lot of people learn from their parents. For example, I learned at 50 years old why 'rebound relationships' are something to be avoided.
For better or worse, I'm going it alone. I wish. But if everyone was able to live the good life, what would be so good about it? If everyone was able to have a successful relationship that lasts forever, then what would be so special about it?
我还单身，因为我不知道怎么谈恋爱。我最近(在过去的10到15年里)才学会如何生活。
我有过一段婚姻，有过几段感情，但我都是以孤独收场的方式来处理它们的(尽管我和我所有的前任都相处得很好，除了一两个)。而现在，我几乎没有耐心去结识新朋友，花时间去了解他们所有人，只是抱着一种渺茫的希望，希望我能找到一个适合像我这样“不走寻常路”的母亲的人。
所以我把我的精力投入到了我的工作中，我非常擅长和喜欢帮助朋友修车、手机、电脑，或者其他什么，以及在Quora上阅读，我把它称为生活。
我原本不是希望就是这样，但我在过去犯了很多错误，从来没有一个很好的基础或方向感，不得不通过试错来学习很多东西，很多人从他们的父母那里学到的东西。例如，我在50岁的时候才知道了为什么“反弹关系”是要避免的。
不管是好是坏，我希望我都是一个人。如果每个人都能过上好日子，那有什么好的呢?如果每个人都能拥有一段持续到永远的成功恋情，那么它又有什么特别之处呢?
I'm still single because I don't know how to be in a relationship. I've only recently (within the past 10 to15 years) learned how to live.
I have had one marriage, and several relationships, and managed them all in such a way that I've wound up alone (although I am on good terms with all of my exes, except for one or two). And now, I hardly have the patience for meeting new people, going through the time to get to know them all on a remote chance that I might find someone compatible with a 'road less travelled’ sonofamother like myself.
So I put my efforts into my work, which I am pretty good at, and my hobbies are helping friends fix their cars, cellphones, computers, whatever, and reading on Quora, and I call it a life.
I wish it were different. But I have made a lot of mistakes in the past, and never really had a good foundation, or sense of direction, and have had to learn a great deal of stuff by trial and error, things that a lot of people learn from their parents. For example, I learned at 50 years old why 'rebound relationships' are something to be avoided.
For better or worse, I'm going it alone. I wish. But if everyone was able to live the good life, what would be so good about it? If everyone was able to have a successful relationship that lasts forever, then what would be so special about it?
我还单身，因为我不知道怎么谈恋爱。我最近(在过去的10到15年里)才学会如何生活。
我有过一段婚姻，有过几段感情，但我都是以孤独收场的方式来处理它们的(尽管我和我所有的前任都相处得很好，除了一两个)。而现在，我几乎没有耐心去结识新朋友，花时间去了解他们所有人，只是抱着一种渺茫的希望，希望我能找到一个适合像我这样“不走寻常路”的母亲的人。
所以我把我的精力投入到了我的工作中，我非常擅长和喜欢帮助朋友修车、手机、电脑，或者其他什么，以及在Quora上阅读，我把它称为生活。
我原本不是希望就是这样，但我在过去犯了很多错误，从来没有一个很好的基础或方向感，不得不通过试错来学习很多东西，很多人从他们的父母那里学到的东西。例如，我在50岁的时候才知道了为什么“反弹关系”是要避免的。
不管是好是坏，我希望我都是一个人。如果每个人都能过上好日子，那有什么好的呢?如果每个人都能拥有一段持续到永远的成功恋情，那么它又有什么特别之处呢?
Ari Earl
I think the fruit of love isn’t a pomegranate or an apple from the garden of Eden, but a humble orange. And when I meet someone I genuinely care about, I peel back the mottled skin of my heart, break off a segment, and ask them to take of it. To savor it, to love it, to remember it. If someone is really lucky, or I trust them to love that slice as much as I do, I might even give them two or three segments.
The act of partitioning oneself and distributing it among the masses is a difficult affair. If you’ve ever split an orange along its seams, you’ll know the pith makes the segments rather fond of each other, and prizing one of the sisters from another is not always an easy thing. Sometimes the pith tears a segment apart, so that small juice filled sacs from one sister refuse to abandon another.
我认为爱情的果实不是伊甸园里的石榴或苹果，而是一个不起眼的橘子。当我遇到我真正在乎的人时，我会剥开我那斑驳的心皮，掰下一瓣，让他们拿走，去品味它，去爱它，去记住它。如果有人真的很幸运，或者我相信他们会像我一样喜欢它，我甚至可能会给他们两到三瓣。
把自己分配给别人，是一件困难的事情。如果你曾经沿着橘子的缝隙切开过你就会知道，橘子的髓会让橘子的两部分互相连接，想要从姐妹中挑出一个并不总是一件容易的事。有时髓会被撕裂，一个小汁液囊拒绝抛弃另一个姐妹。
I think the fruit of love isn’t a pomegranate or an apple from the garden of Eden, but a humble orange. And when I meet someone I genuinely care about, I peel back the mottled skin of my heart, break off a segment, and ask them to take of it. To savor it, to love it, to remember it. If someone is really lucky, or I trust them to love that slice as much as I do, I might even give them two or three segments.
The act of partitioning oneself and distributing it among the masses is a difficult affair. If you’ve ever split an orange along its seams, you’ll know the pith makes the segments rather fond of each other, and prizing one of the sisters from another is not always an easy thing. Sometimes the pith tears a segment apart, so that small juice filled sacs from one sister refuse to abandon another.
我认为爱情的果实不是伊甸园里的石榴或苹果，而是一个不起眼的橘子。当我遇到我真正在乎的人时，我会剥开我那斑驳的心皮，掰下一瓣，让他们拿走，去品味它，去爱它，去记住它。如果有人真的很幸运，或者我相信他们会像我一样喜欢它，我甚至可能会给他们两到三瓣。
把自己分配给别人，是一件困难的事情。如果你曾经沿着橘子的缝隙切开过你就会知道，橘子的髓会让橘子的两部分互相连接，想要从姐妹中挑出一个并不总是一件容易的事。有时髓会被撕裂，一个小汁液囊拒绝抛弃另一个姐妹。
So, pulling myself apart to distribute to those I love is a difficult thing for me, because my pith is the strong and stubborn variety. Those of you who have chanced upon an orange who seemed to refuse to be peeled, will know the kind of heart I have.
But, there is something far scarier than giving away little carpels of my heart. In fact, I’d say that the act of segmentation is a conservative one, so that if it is ground underfoot or carelessly tossed away, the entire fruit won’t be compromised. I am single because I am scared and selfish with my oranges. Peeling back my skin and letting someone hold my entire orange, vulnerable and naked, so that they may crush it or cherish it at their leisure, is to be brave and in love.
As of yet, I’ve not been able to peel that skin away, of my own volition, and hand my orange to another person. To fold their hands over the peeled fruit, and say “I don’t need to ask you to take care of this, because I already know you will”. That is why I’m single.
所以，把自己分开来分给我爱的人对我来说是一件困难的事情，因为我骨子里是坚强而顽固的。如果你们中有谁偶然看到过一个似乎不愿意去皮的橘子，就会知道我有一颗什么样的心。
但是，还有比打开我的心皮更可怕的事。事实上，我想说的是，分割行为是一种保守的行为，因此如果它被踩在脚下或不小心扔掉，整个水果不会受到损害。我单身是因为我对我这个橙子既害怕又自私。剥开我的心皮，让别人抱着我这整个橙子，脆弱而赤裸，这样他们就可以在闲暇时碾碎或珍惜它，这需要足够的勇敢和对他的爱。
到目前为止，我还没能自愿剥下那层皮，把我的橙子交给另一个人。把他们的手放在去皮的水果上，说:“我不需要问你会不会照顾它，因为我知道你会的。”这就是我单身的原因。
But, there is something far scarier than giving away little carpels of my heart. In fact, I’d say that the act of segmentation is a conservative one, so that if it is ground underfoot or carelessly tossed away, the entire fruit won’t be compromised. I am single because I am scared and selfish with my oranges. Peeling back my skin and letting someone hold my entire orange, vulnerable and naked, so that they may crush it or cherish it at their leisure, is to be brave and in love.
As of yet, I’ve not been able to peel that skin away, of my own volition, and hand my orange to another person. To fold their hands over the peeled fruit, and say “I don’t need to ask you to take care of this, because I already know you will”. That is why I’m single.
所以，把自己分开来分给我爱的人对我来说是一件困难的事情，因为我骨子里是坚强而顽固的。如果你们中有谁偶然看到过一个似乎不愿意去皮的橘子，就会知道我有一颗什么样的心。
但是，还有比打开我的心皮更可怕的事。事实上，我想说的是，分割行为是一种保守的行为，因此如果它被踩在脚下或不小心扔掉，整个水果不会受到损害。我单身是因为我对我这个橙子既害怕又自私。剥开我的心皮，让别人抱着我这整个橙子，脆弱而赤裸，这样他们就可以在闲暇时碾碎或珍惜它，这需要足够的勇敢和对他的爱。
到目前为止，我还没能自愿剥下那层皮，把我的橙子交给另一个人。把他们的手放在去皮的水果上，说:“我不需要问你会不会照顾它，因为我知道你会的。”这就是我单身的原因。
Priyanka
The day after I turned 23 this year, a friend of six-year proposed to me.
He has it all. Smart, Ambitious. Respectful. Soft-spoken. He never questioned my credentials. He has always been just a call away. A real charming person who would always talk soft and cheer you up without complaining.
Why?
Previously,I liked a guy and while talking he casually mentioned that his colleagues were tired of their wives calling them just to tell them that they miss them and how they(colleagues) were irritated. I made it point to never ever contact him during the day until it's late at night when he is free. I changed my schedule. I try to change myself for the person I like. I try to fit myself in their schedule.
I remember wishing the same guy a good night at 9 o clock only to return at midnight to complain about his absence the whole day since I terribly missed him. I am too clingy.
I asked about his health. His day. He did not. I surprised him on his birthday. He did not. I felt bad. I expect a lot.
今年我23岁的那天，一个交往了六年的朋友向我求婚了。他什么都好。聪明上进，懂得尊重，说话温柔。他从不质疑我的资历，总是一个电话就到。他是一个真正有魅力的人，总是轻声细语，让你开心起来。
为什么?在此之前,我喜欢过一个男人，他在聊天的时候不经意地提到，他的同事们已经厌倦了他们的妻子打电话给他们，只是为了告诉他们，她们想念他们，他们(同事)很生气。他让我永远不要在白天联系他，直到深夜他有空的时候。我改变了我的时间表，为了喜欢的人，我努力改变自己，努力适应他们的日程安排。
我记得我曾在9点向他道过晚安，但到了午夜却抱怨他一整天都不在，因为我非常想念他，我太粘人了。
有一天我问了他的健康状况，但他却没有这么做。他生日那天我给了他一个惊喜，他却没有在我生日那天这么做。我感觉很不好，我的期望很高。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
The day after I turned 23 this year, a friend of six-year proposed to me.
He has it all. Smart, Ambitious. Respectful. Soft-spoken. He never questioned my credentials. He has always been just a call away. A real charming person who would always talk soft and cheer you up without complaining.
Why?
Previously,I liked a guy and while talking he casually mentioned that his colleagues were tired of their wives calling them just to tell them that they miss them and how they(colleagues) were irritated. I made it point to never ever contact him during the day until it's late at night when he is free. I changed my schedule. I try to change myself for the person I like. I try to fit myself in their schedule.
I remember wishing the same guy a good night at 9 o clock only to return at midnight to complain about his absence the whole day since I terribly missed him. I am too clingy.
I asked about his health. His day. He did not. I surprised him on his birthday. He did not. I felt bad. I expect a lot.
今年我23岁的那天，一个交往了六年的朋友向我求婚了。他什么都好。聪明上进，懂得尊重，说话温柔。他从不质疑我的资历，总是一个电话就到。他是一个真正有魅力的人，总是轻声细语，让你开心起来。
为什么?在此之前,我喜欢过一个男人，他在聊天的时候不经意地提到，他的同事们已经厌倦了他们的妻子打电话给他们，只是为了告诉他们，她们想念他们，他们(同事)很生气。他让我永远不要在白天联系他，直到深夜他有空的时候。我改变了我的时间表，为了喜欢的人，我努力改变自己，努力适应他们的日程安排。
我记得我曾在9点向他道过晚安，但到了午夜却抱怨他一整天都不在，因为我非常想念他，我太粘人了。
有一天我问了他的健康状况，但他却没有这么做。他生日那天我给了他一个惊喜，他却没有在我生日那天这么做。我感觉很不好，我的期望很高。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I was failing in career and was very depressed and wanted ex-boyfriend to be my savior. I become emotionally dependent.
When my ex-boyfriend left me in the middle of the road at night. He apologized. I agreed it was my fault that I couldn't enjoy being in the crowd. I get easily manipulated.
When I was preparing for CAT, ex-boyfriend was settling in his first-ever job and simultaneously preparing for the same. I was irritated for not getting enough motivation from him when he himself was caught in the situation. I lack understanding. Maybe the biggest flaw.
As a result, I become apathetic towards the people no matter how much I like them or no matter how committed I am.
Sometimes I keep being with the person for the sake of it until it's decomposed.
Time for another relationship?
Maybe no.
I am not as insecure as a person. I don't have trust issues.
Yet, I have a lot of qualities to ruin a beautiful relationship if it happens again.
I have realized that I have a big room for progress. As a human I am not devoid of flaws, I have a lot of things to improve. Too many things actually.
And improving myself as a human is and should my top priority right now.
Maybe that is why I am single?
我在事业上失败了，非常沮丧，希望前男友能成为我的救世主。我变得很情绪化。有一次我前男友半夜把我丢在了马路中央，他道了歉。我承认我不能享受在人群中是我的错，我很容易被别人影响自己的情绪。
当我在准备参加考试的时候，我的前男友正在准备他的第一份工作，同时也在准备参加考试。当他自己忙的不可开交的时候，我很生气没有从他那里得到足够的动力。我不够善解人意，也许这是我最大的缺陷。
结果不管我有多喜欢他们，不管我有多投入，我对他们都变得冷漠。有时我为了这个人而和他在一起，直到他腐烂。是时候和他谈恋爱了?也许并不是。我不像有的人那样没有安全感，我没有信任问题。
然而，如果一段美好的关系再次发生，我有很多特质可以毁掉它。我意识到我还有很大的进步空间。作为一个人，我不是没有缺点的，我有很多地方需要改进，其实太多了。把自己提升为一个优秀的人是我现在应该优先考虑的事情。也许这就是我单身的原因?
When my ex-boyfriend left me in the middle of the road at night. He apologized. I agreed it was my fault that I couldn't enjoy being in the crowd. I get easily manipulated.
When I was preparing for CAT, ex-boyfriend was settling in his first-ever job and simultaneously preparing for the same. I was irritated for not getting enough motivation from him when he himself was caught in the situation. I lack understanding. Maybe the biggest flaw.
As a result, I become apathetic towards the people no matter how much I like them or no matter how committed I am.
Sometimes I keep being with the person for the sake of it until it's decomposed.
Time for another relationship?
Maybe no.
I am not as insecure as a person. I don't have trust issues.
Yet, I have a lot of qualities to ruin a beautiful relationship if it happens again.
I have realized that I have a big room for progress. As a human I am not devoid of flaws, I have a lot of things to improve. Too many things actually.
And improving myself as a human is and should my top priority right now.
Maybe that is why I am single?
我在事业上失败了，非常沮丧，希望前男友能成为我的救世主。我变得很情绪化。有一次我前男友半夜把我丢在了马路中央，他道了歉。我承认我不能享受在人群中是我的错，我很容易被别人影响自己的情绪。
当我在准备参加考试的时候，我的前男友正在准备他的第一份工作，同时也在准备参加考试。当他自己忙的不可开交的时候，我很生气没有从他那里得到足够的动力。我不够善解人意，也许这是我最大的缺陷。
结果不管我有多喜欢他们，不管我有多投入，我对他们都变得冷漠。有时我为了这个人而和他在一起，直到他腐烂。是时候和他谈恋爱了?也许并不是。我不像有的人那样没有安全感，我没有信任问题。
然而，如果一段美好的关系再次发生，我有很多特质可以毁掉它。我意识到我还有很大的进步空间。作为一个人，我不是没有缺点的，我有很多地方需要改进，其实太多了。把自己提升为一个优秀的人是我现在应该优先考虑的事情。也许这就是我单身的原因?
Ethan Young
Because my first and only serious girlfriend dumped me because I wouldn’t have premarital sex with her.Seriously.
Does that surprise you? I don’t blame you if it does. It’s supposed to be the other way around, isn’t it?
I grew up in a family of devout Baptists, with all the stern morality and old-fashioned values that such an upbringing entails. No drinking. No porn. No gambling. And especially no sex before marriage. And I was fortunate enough to have two male role models—my father and grandfather—who not only preached those values, but lived them right in front of me.
My ex and I first met during my first year of grad school. She was a business major, I was a history geek. We started shooting the breeze one day in the library, and we got along so well that I felt emboldened enough to ask her out to coffee later. In retrospect, I’m not sure what surprised me more: that I had enough courage to ask her out at all, or that she actually agreed. I can still remember how happy I was when I heard her say that; I’ve never been very good at talking to women, or socialization in general, so I was thrilled (and yeah, I know that you’ve probably seen that in a lot of other answers, but it’s just as true for me. I suck at talking to women that I’m attracted to).
The date went well. Very well. We both had a fantastic time, and when I began lapsing into one of my long-winded ramblings about history, she actually leaned in and listened instead of asking to change the subject. What’s more, she enjoyed it. She even laughed at my jokes, for heaven’s sake, and I’ll be the first to admit that my dry, irreverent sense of humor is definitely not for everyone.
我的第一个也是唯一一个真正的女朋友甩了我，因为我不愿和她发生婚前性行为。这是真的。这让你感到惊讶吗?如果有，我不怪你。正常情况应该是反过来的，不是吗?
我成长在一个虔诚的浸信会教徒家庭，在这样的成长环境中，我接受了严苛的道德标准和老式的价值观。不喝酒，不滥交，不赌博，尤其是婚前不发生性行为。我很幸运有两个男性榜样——我的父亲和祖父——他们不仅宣扬这些价值观，而且在我面前践行这些价值观。
我和前任第一次见面是在我读研究生的第一年。她是学商科的，而我是历史迷。有一天我们开始在图书馆闲聊，我们相处得很好，我鼓起勇气约她出去喝咖啡。回想起来，我不知道哪个更让我惊讶:是我有足够的勇气约她出去，还是她真的同意了。我还记得当我听到她同意时，我是多么高兴;我一直不擅长与女性交谈，也不擅长社交，所以我很激动(是的，我知道你可能在很多其他答案中看到过，但对我来说也是如此。我不擅长和我喜欢的女人交谈)。
约会进行得很顺利。我们都度过了一段美妙的时光，当我开始喋喋不休地谈论历史时，她会耐心地倾听，而不是要求改变话题。更重要的是，她喜欢它。看在上帝的份上，我讲的笑话她都笑了。我承认我那种干巴巴的幽默感绝对不适合每个人。
Because my first and only serious girlfriend dumped me because I wouldn’t have premarital sex with her.Seriously.
Does that surprise you? I don’t blame you if it does. It’s supposed to be the other way around, isn’t it?
I grew up in a family of devout Baptists, with all the stern morality and old-fashioned values that such an upbringing entails. No drinking. No porn. No gambling. And especially no sex before marriage. And I was fortunate enough to have two male role models—my father and grandfather—who not only preached those values, but lived them right in front of me.
My ex and I first met during my first year of grad school. She was a business major, I was a history geek. We started shooting the breeze one day in the library, and we got along so well that I felt emboldened enough to ask her out to coffee later. In retrospect, I’m not sure what surprised me more: that I had enough courage to ask her out at all, or that she actually agreed. I can still remember how happy I was when I heard her say that; I’ve never been very good at talking to women, or socialization in general, so I was thrilled (and yeah, I know that you’ve probably seen that in a lot of other answers, but it’s just as true for me. I suck at talking to women that I’m attracted to).
The date went well. Very well. We both had a fantastic time, and when I began lapsing into one of my long-winded ramblings about history, she actually leaned in and listened instead of asking to change the subject. What’s more, she enjoyed it. She even laughed at my jokes, for heaven’s sake, and I’ll be the first to admit that my dry, irreverent sense of humor is definitely not for everyone.
我的第一个也是唯一一个真正的女朋友甩了我，因为我不愿和她发生婚前性行为。这是真的。这让你感到惊讶吗?如果有，我不怪你。正常情况应该是反过来的，不是吗?
我成长在一个虔诚的浸信会教徒家庭，在这样的成长环境中，我接受了严苛的道德标准和老式的价值观。不喝酒，不滥交，不赌博，尤其是婚前不发生性行为。我很幸运有两个男性榜样——我的父亲和祖父——他们不仅宣扬这些价值观，而且在我面前践行这些价值观。
我和前任第一次见面是在我读研究生的第一年。她是学商科的，而我是历史迷。有一天我们开始在图书馆闲聊，我们相处得很好，我鼓起勇气约她出去喝咖啡。回想起来，我不知道哪个更让我惊讶:是我有足够的勇气约她出去，还是她真的同意了。我还记得当我听到她同意时，我是多么高兴;我一直不擅长与女性交谈，也不擅长社交，所以我很激动(是的，我知道你可能在很多其他答案中看到过，但对我来说也是如此。我不擅长和我喜欢的女人交谈)。
约会进行得很顺利。我们都度过了一段美妙的时光，当我开始喋喋不休地谈论历史时，她会耐心地倾听，而不是要求改变话题。更重要的是，她喜欢它。看在上帝的份上，我讲的笑话她都笑了。我承认我那种干巴巴的幽默感绝对不适合每个人。
We met for coffee a few more times, and after that it wasn’t a hard decision for us to start dating. It made perfect sense. And it felt right. She made me so happy, and I like to think I did the same for her—at least at first.
You have to understand that getting a girlfriend was something I never really thought would happen to me. I’d never been very smooth with girls, to put it mildly, and the only other person I’d “dated” was in high school, when a girl I was crushing on asked if we could see a movie on my sixteenth birthday. That one doesn’t really count, though, because it turned out to be a ruse so she and some of her friends could pelt me with eggs in the parking lot. The experience was so traumatizing that I gave up on dating right up until I met my girlfriend that sunny afternoon.
It felt like winning the lottery. I’d never been so happy.
We dated for a few weeks. Then for a few months. We did everything together: study, play, meals, you name it. Somehow, I was actually getting the hang of this dating thing. I even became—according to her—a very good kisser. After all, I had lots of practice. It was, by all appearances, a happy and stable relationship.
我们又见面喝了几次咖啡，从那以后，我们开始约会就不是一个艰难的决定了。这感觉不错，她让我如此开心，我想我也为她做了同样的事——至少一开始是这样。
你要明白，我从没想过会在我身上发生找女朋友的事。说得婉转些，我从来没有和女孩子交往过，我唯一“约会”过的另一个人是在高中，当时我暗恋的一个女孩问我是否可以在我16岁生日那天去和她一起看电影。不过那个不算，因为那是她和她的一些朋友在停车场用鸡蛋扔我的一个诡计。这段经历让我深受创伤，从此我放弃了约会，直到我在那个阳光明媚的下午遇到我的女朋友。我感觉就像中了彩票。我从来没有这么高兴过。
我们约会了几个星期，然后是几个月。我们做任何事都在一起:学习、玩耍、吃饭，应有尽有。不知怎么的，我已经掌握了约会的窍门。据她说，我甚至成了一个接吻高手。毕竟，我和她练习了很多次。从表面上看，这是一段幸福而稳定的关系。
You have to understand that getting a girlfriend was something I never really thought would happen to me. I’d never been very smooth with girls, to put it mildly, and the only other person I’d “dated” was in high school, when a girl I was crushing on asked if we could see a movie on my sixteenth birthday. That one doesn’t really count, though, because it turned out to be a ruse so she and some of her friends could pelt me with eggs in the parking lot. The experience was so traumatizing that I gave up on dating right up until I met my girlfriend that sunny afternoon.
It felt like winning the lottery. I’d never been so happy.
We dated for a few weeks. Then for a few months. We did everything together: study, play, meals, you name it. Somehow, I was actually getting the hang of this dating thing. I even became—according to her—a very good kisser. After all, I had lots of practice. It was, by all appearances, a happy and stable relationship.
我们又见面喝了几次咖啡，从那以后，我们开始约会就不是一个艰难的决定了。这感觉不错，她让我如此开心，我想我也为她做了同样的事——至少一开始是这样。
你要明白，我从没想过会在我身上发生找女朋友的事。说得婉转些，我从来没有和女孩子交往过，我唯一“约会”过的另一个人是在高中，当时我暗恋的一个女孩问我是否可以在我16岁生日那天去和她一起看电影。不过那个不算，因为那是她和她的一些朋友在停车场用鸡蛋扔我的一个诡计。这段经历让我深受创伤，从此我放弃了约会，直到我在那个阳光明媚的下午遇到我的女朋友。我感觉就像中了彩票。我从来没有这么高兴过。
我们约会了几个星期，然后是几个月。我们做任何事都在一起:学习、玩耍、吃饭，应有尽有。不知怎么的，我已经掌握了约会的窍门。据她说，我甚至成了一个接吻高手。毕竟，我和她练习了很多次。从表面上看，这是一段幸福而稳定的关系。
But then something changed.
We had been dating for about six months when, one afternoon, I got back to my apartment and decided to take a shower. I was out getting pizza, you see, because she and I were going to have a marathon study session to prepare for finals. I told my girlfriend that I’d be out of the bath in about fifteen or twenty minutes, but then she asked me something I didn’t expect:
“Can I come in with you?”
I’d be a bald-faced liar if I said that the idea didn’t appeal to a certain side of me, but I forced it down—along with all the mental images that came with it—and told her that I didn’t think it would be a good idea. Things could, shall we say, escalate, and I didn’t want to dishonor her or myself by letting that happen. I assured her that I thought she was beautiful, that she was perfect to me in every way, and she said she understood. I showered alone, ate the pizza, we studied, and I thought that was the end of the matter.
But it wasn’t.
A few weeks later, she tried to push that boundary a second time. She was studying at her computer and looked tired, so I walked up behind her and hugged her. She stood, turned, and we began kissing—but then her hands started teasing at my belt.
The effect was roughly equivalent to being splashed in the face with ice-cold water.
I told her again that we couldn’t go that far, that I could not and would not do something like that outside of marriage. I told her that I loved her and it was because I loved her that I wanted to wait. Once again, she backed down.
但后来发生了变化。我们交往了大约六个月，一天下午，我回到公寓决定洗个澡，然后出去吃披萨，因为我和她要进行马拉松式的学习，为期末考试做准备。我告诉我的女朋友我将在15或20分钟后洗完澡，但她问了我一件我没有想到的事情:“我能和你一起进去洗吗?”
如果我说这个想法不吸引我的某个方面，那我就是一个秃头的骗子，但我强迫她接受我的想法——连同所有与之相关的脑海中的画面——并告诉她我认为这不是一个好主意。事情可能会升级，我不想让这种事发生让她或我自己蒙羞。但我向她保证，我认为她很漂亮，她对我来说在各个方面都很完美，她说她理解我。最后我一个人洗完澡，我们一起出去吃了披萨，然后学习，我以为这个事情就到此为止了。
但它不是。几周后，她再次试图突破这个界限。她在电脑前学习，看起来很累，所以我走到她身后拥抱了她。她站起来，转过身来，我们开始接吻——然后她的手开始拿我的腰带开玩笑。
其效果大致相当于被冰水泼到脸上。我再次告诉她，我们不能走那么远，我不能也不会在婚姻之前做这样的事。我告诉她我爱她，正是因为我爱她，我才想要等待。她又一次放弃了。
We had been dating for about six months when, one afternoon, I got back to my apartment and decided to take a shower. I was out getting pizza, you see, because she and I were going to have a marathon study session to prepare for finals. I told my girlfriend that I’d be out of the bath in about fifteen or twenty minutes, but then she asked me something I didn’t expect:
“Can I come in with you?”
I’d be a bald-faced liar if I said that the idea didn’t appeal to a certain side of me, but I forced it down—along with all the mental images that came with it—and told her that I didn’t think it would be a good idea. Things could, shall we say, escalate, and I didn’t want to dishonor her or myself by letting that happen. I assured her that I thought she was beautiful, that she was perfect to me in every way, and she said she understood. I showered alone, ate the pizza, we studied, and I thought that was the end of the matter.
But it wasn’t.
A few weeks later, she tried to push that boundary a second time. She was studying at her computer and looked tired, so I walked up behind her and hugged her. She stood, turned, and we began kissing—but then her hands started teasing at my belt.
The effect was roughly equivalent to being splashed in the face with ice-cold water.
I told her again that we couldn’t go that far, that I could not and would not do something like that outside of marriage. I told her that I loved her and it was because I loved her that I wanted to wait. Once again, she backed down.
但后来发生了变化。我们交往了大约六个月，一天下午，我回到公寓决定洗个澡，然后出去吃披萨，因为我和她要进行马拉松式的学习，为期末考试做准备。我告诉我的女朋友我将在15或20分钟后洗完澡，但她问了我一件我没有想到的事情:“我能和你一起进去洗吗?”
如果我说这个想法不吸引我的某个方面，那我就是一个秃头的骗子，但我强迫她接受我的想法——连同所有与之相关的脑海中的画面——并告诉她我认为这不是一个好主意。事情可能会升级，我不想让这种事发生让她或我自己蒙羞。但我向她保证，我认为她很漂亮，她对我来说在各个方面都很完美，她说她理解我。最后我一个人洗完澡，我们一起出去吃了披萨，然后学习，我以为这个事情就到此为止了。
但它不是。几周后，她再次试图突破这个界限。她在电脑前学习，看起来很累，所以我走到她身后拥抱了她。她站起来，转过身来，我们开始接吻——然后她的手开始拿我的腰带开玩笑。
其效果大致相当于被冰水泼到脸上。我再次告诉她，我们不能走那么远，我不能也不会在婚姻之前做这样的事。我告诉她我爱她，正是因为我爱她，我才想要等待。她又一次放弃了。
But it only grew worse. She tried, over and over, to get me to sleep with her, and each time I refused. At some point—don’t really remember when—we began to argue each time I turned her down.
Perhaps I should have ended things then, but I didn’t. I wanted so badly to make things work between us. I’d waited so long for my turn at romance. Almost everyone else I knew had already found their “special someone,” and didn’t I deserve my chance at it too?
So I kept saying no. I kept asking—pleading—with her to wait.
But then one day, she just got tired of waiting.
When again I refused her, she called me old-fashioned and said that the values I was raised with belonged with the dead men in my history books. She ended our relationship, walked out, and never spoke to me again.
But I never slept with her.
I did the right thing.
I stuck to my morals, held true to my values, and maintained my honor and hers.
And she dumped me for it.
That’s why I gave up on dating. I don’t want to go through that kind of heartache again. Going through it once is more than enough. We had something good—really, really good—and she ruined it because she thought my moral code was an anachronism. But if sticking to my principles means being alone, so be it. If it means coming home to a silent house, so be it. If it means getting into an empty bed at night, so be it.
At least my conscience is clear.
但情况越来越糟。她一次又一次地试图让我和她上床，但每次我都拒绝了。不知从什么时候开始——不记得了——每次我拒绝她，我们就开始争吵。
也许那时我应该结束这一切，但我没有。我非常想让我们的关系恢复正常。我等了很久才找到属于我的浪漫。几乎所有我认识的人都已经找到了他们的“特别的人”，难道我不应该拥有这样的机会吗?
所以我一直拒绝并不停地请求——恳求——让她等一等。但有一天，她厌倦了等待。当我再次拒绝她时，她说我守旧，说我的价值观属于历史书中死去的人。她结束了我们的关系，走了，再也没和我说过话。
但我从没和她上过床。我做了正确的事。我坚持了我的道德和我的价值观，维护了我和她的荣誉。
她为此甩了我。所以我才放弃约会。我不想再经历那样的心痛了，一次就够了。我们有过一段美好的时光——真的很美好——但她毁了这段时光，因为她认为我的道德准则过时了。但如果坚持我的原则意味着独处，那就这样吧。如果这意味着回到一个孤寂的家，那就这样吧。如果这意味着晚上要睡在一张空床上，那就这样吧。至少我问心无愧。
Perhaps I should have ended things then, but I didn’t. I wanted so badly to make things work between us. I’d waited so long for my turn at romance. Almost everyone else I knew had already found their “special someone,” and didn’t I deserve my chance at it too?
So I kept saying no. I kept asking—pleading—with her to wait.
But then one day, she just got tired of waiting.
When again I refused her, she called me old-fashioned and said that the values I was raised with belonged with the dead men in my history books. She ended our relationship, walked out, and never spoke to me again.
But I never slept with her.
I did the right thing.
I stuck to my morals, held true to my values, and maintained my honor and hers.
And she dumped me for it.
That’s why I gave up on dating. I don’t want to go through that kind of heartache again. Going through it once is more than enough. We had something good—really, really good—and she ruined it because she thought my moral code was an anachronism. But if sticking to my principles means being alone, so be it. If it means coming home to a silent house, so be it. If it means getting into an empty bed at night, so be it.
At least my conscience is clear.
但情况越来越糟。她一次又一次地试图让我和她上床，但每次我都拒绝了。不知从什么时候开始——不记得了——每次我拒绝她，我们就开始争吵。
也许那时我应该结束这一切，但我没有。我非常想让我们的关系恢复正常。我等了很久才找到属于我的浪漫。几乎所有我认识的人都已经找到了他们的“特别的人”，难道我不应该拥有这样的机会吗?
所以我一直拒绝并不停地请求——恳求——让她等一等。但有一天，她厌倦了等待。当我再次拒绝她时，她说我守旧，说我的价值观属于历史书中死去的人。她结束了我们的关系，走了，再也没和我说过话。
但我从没和她上过床。我做了正确的事。我坚持了我的道德和我的价值观，维护了我和她的荣誉。
她为此甩了我。所以我才放弃约会。我不想再经历那样的心痛了，一次就够了。我们有过一段美好的时光——真的很美好——但她毁了这段时光，因为她认为我的道德准则过时了。但如果坚持我的原则意味着独处，那就这样吧。如果这意味着回到一个孤寂的家，那就这样吧。如果这意味着晚上要睡在一张空床上，那就这样吧。至少我问心无愧。
Darrell Talley
I have been single for a while since my divorce. I liked living by myself and I am understanding that even more now. It tends to be less drama and issues being single. I have been living with my girlfriend for about a year. She moved into my house after an offer when the Condo she leased was being sold. Lo and behold she decided to move in although she said she would never live with anyone before marriage. I have always liked being single. You can do what you want to and when you want to. It is true freedom. When you live with someone things change. My decor is changing here and there along the way. Thank God I do have TV’s in various parts of my house because otherwise that would be a struggle. I also appreciate that I have two bedrooms because when she snores I can go into another room. You have to compromise with someone and answering for yourself ONLY is non existent. If I want to go out I have to say that I am leaving, if I get something to eat or cook then I have to ask her what she wants. If I want to go to an event or trip alone it is a question for whether I should include her also. When she cooks then that is what I eat. I mean I do appreciate it but this is an example of shared spaces. I remember when she first moved in I had to be quiet because I went to bed after her. I am starting to think it is best to live alone and therefore marrying again may be out of the question. She has never been married before but not sure I am up for it. There are Pros and Cons with each. It just depends on the person. Overall if I had to choose living with someone versus being single or living alone I would choose living alone.
我离婚后单身有一段时间了。我喜欢一个人住，现在我更加认同单身往往没有那么多戏剧性的问题。我和我女朋友住在一起大约一年了。她租的公寓被挂牌时，有人出价，她就搬进了我的房子。你瞧，她决定搬进来，尽管她说她在结婚前不会和任何人住在一起。我一直喜欢单身，你可以在你想做的时候做你想做的事，这是真正的自由。当你和某人一起生活的时候，事情就变了，我的房间的装饰也在不断地变化。感谢上帝，我的房子里很多地方都有电视，否则就太麻烦了。我还很感激我有两个卧室，因为当她打鼾时，我可以去另一个房间。你必须和某人妥协，只对自己负责是不存在的。如果我想出去，我必须说我要离开，如果我吃东西或做饭，我必须问她想要什么。如果我想一个人参加活动或旅行，我是否应该把她也带出去就是一个问题。当她做饭的时候，那就是我应该吃的。我的意思是，我确实很感激，但这是一个共享空间的例子。我记得她刚搬进来的时候，我必须保持安静，因为我总是在她之后才上床睡觉。我开始认为最好是一个人住，因此再婚可能是不可能的。她以前从未结过婚，但她不确定我是否愿意。每一种都有利弊，这取决于不同的人。总的来说，如果让我选择，我会选择独自生活。
I have been single for a while since my divorce. I liked living by myself and I am understanding that even more now. It tends to be less drama and issues being single. I have been living with my girlfriend for about a year. She moved into my house after an offer when the Condo she leased was being sold. Lo and behold she decided to move in although she said she would never live with anyone before marriage. I have always liked being single. You can do what you want to and when you want to. It is true freedom. When you live with someone things change. My decor is changing here and there along the way. Thank God I do have TV’s in various parts of my house because otherwise that would be a struggle. I also appreciate that I have two bedrooms because when she snores I can go into another room. You have to compromise with someone and answering for yourself ONLY is non existent. If I want to go out I have to say that I am leaving, if I get something to eat or cook then I have to ask her what she wants. If I want to go to an event or trip alone it is a question for whether I should include her also. When she cooks then that is what I eat. I mean I do appreciate it but this is an example of shared spaces. I remember when she first moved in I had to be quiet because I went to bed after her. I am starting to think it is best to live alone and therefore marrying again may be out of the question. She has never been married before but not sure I am up for it. There are Pros and Cons with each. It just depends on the person. Overall if I had to choose living with someone versus being single or living alone I would choose living alone.
我离婚后单身有一段时间了。我喜欢一个人住，现在我更加认同单身往往没有那么多戏剧性的问题。我和我女朋友住在一起大约一年了。她租的公寓被挂牌时，有人出价，她就搬进了我的房子。你瞧，她决定搬进来，尽管她说她在结婚前不会和任何人住在一起。我一直喜欢单身，你可以在你想做的时候做你想做的事，这是真正的自由。当你和某人一起生活的时候，事情就变了，我的房间的装饰也在不断地变化。感谢上帝，我的房子里很多地方都有电视，否则就太麻烦了。我还很感激我有两个卧室，因为当她打鼾时，我可以去另一个房间。你必须和某人妥协，只对自己负责是不存在的。如果我想出去，我必须说我要离开，如果我吃东西或做饭，我必须问她想要什么。如果我想一个人参加活动或旅行，我是否应该把她也带出去就是一个问题。当她做饭的时候，那就是我应该吃的。我的意思是，我确实很感激，但这是一个共享空间的例子。我记得她刚搬进来的时候，我必须保持安静，因为我总是在她之后才上床睡觉。我开始认为最好是一个人住，因此再婚可能是不可能的。她以前从未结过婚，但她不确定我是否愿意。每一种都有利弊，这取决于不同的人。总的来说，如果让我选择，我会选择独自生活。
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