作为父母，你会让你的孩子成为艺术家吗?
正文翻译
As a parent, would you let your kid become an artist?
作为父母，你会让你的孩子成为艺术家吗?
As a parent, would you let your kid become an artist?
作为父母，你会让你的孩子成为艺术家吗?
评论翻译
Nancy Scott
My oldest son is an artist; because deep down that is how he understands the world. As a child, he often drew in the margins of his math and English tests or homework. I told him to stop doing that because his teachers didn’t want to see doodling on his papers. But he continued to draw and take art classes in school. During a high school teacher conference, his art teacher told me he was very talented and I replied with - but what kind of JOB could he get? She then listed so many different jobs - teacher, graphic designer, storyboard artist, advertising, architect, illustrator, and on and on….. That teacher opened my eyes! Today he works as a graphic designer and continues to draw and paint outside of work. Because he is an artist - that is how he understands the world.
我的大儿子是一位艺术家；因为这就是他内心深处理解世界的方式。作为一个孩子，他经常在数学和英语考试或家庭作业的空白处画画。我告诉他不要这样做，因为他的老师不想看到他在试卷上乱涂乱画。但他继续画画，并在学校上美术课。在一次高中教师会议上，他的艺术老师告诉我他很有天赋，我回答说——但他能得到什么样的工作呢？然后她列出了很多不同的工作——教师、平面设计师、故事板艺术家、广告、建筑师、插画师等等，那个老师让我开阔了眼界！今天，他是一名平面设计师，继续在工作之外画画。因为他是一个艺术家，这就是他理解世界的方式。
My oldest son is an artist; because deep down that is how he understands the world. As a child, he often drew in the margins of his math and English tests or homework. I told him to stop doing that because his teachers didn’t want to see doodling on his papers. But he continued to draw and take art classes in school. During a high school teacher conference, his art teacher told me he was very talented and I replied with - but what kind of JOB could he get? She then listed so many different jobs - teacher, graphic designer, storyboard artist, advertising, architect, illustrator, and on and on….. That teacher opened my eyes! Today he works as a graphic designer and continues to draw and paint outside of work. Because he is an artist - that is how he understands the world.
我的大儿子是一位艺术家；因为这就是他内心深处理解世界的方式。作为一个孩子，他经常在数学和英语考试或家庭作业的空白处画画。我告诉他不要这样做，因为他的老师不想看到他在试卷上乱涂乱画。但他继续画画，并在学校上美术课。在一次高中教师会议上，他的艺术老师告诉我他很有天赋，我回答说——但他能得到什么样的工作呢？然后她列出了很多不同的工作——教师、平面设计师、故事板艺术家、广告、建筑师、插画师等等，那个老师让我开阔了眼界！今天，他是一名平面设计师，继续在工作之外画画。因为他是一个艺术家，这就是他理解世界的方式。
Graybook
The funny thing is, most of this is about what parents do want, rather than what they don’t.
3 things most parents, guardians want for their children:
safety,
support, and
success to some degree.
For most of our growing lives, our parents provide these things for us. When the time comes for us to “leave the nest” and make our own way, parents like the assurance that we will continue to receive the big 3 wherever we go.
Foregoing the opportunity of a stable job, where you have some measure of support and possibility of success, to take on the risky proposition of relying on sales of your artwork to keep a roof over your head makes many parents uneasy.
Rightfully so.
Not because they don’t recognize talent in their kids, but because they know how hard it is to sind safety, support, or success as a full-time artist. The thing is though, we don’t have to choose one over the other.
I really believe it’s important to have that stability, especially if you are an artist - because as artists or creative people, what we don’t want to do, is hold what we make hostage.
What I mean by that is, when we tell our art “you have to provide me the support, security, and success I need right now” we’re stifling its potential. Not allowing it to grow with us.
Good luck .
有趣的是，这大部分是关于父母想要什么，而不是孩子们不想要什么。
大多数父母和监护人都在意自己孩子的三个方面：
安全、支持，以及在某种程度上取得成功。
在我们成长的大部分时间里，父母为我们提供这些东西。当我们“离开巢穴”，走自己的人生的时候，无论我们走到哪里，父母喜欢继续给出这三个方面的保证。
放弃一份稳定的工作机会—在那里你有一定的支持和成功的可能性，去承担依靠艺术品销售来维持生计的风险，这让许多父母感到不安。
没错。
并不是因为他们不认识孩子的天赋，而是因为他们知道作为一名全职艺术家，获得安全、支持或成功是多么困难。但问题是，我们不必选择其中一个。
我真的相信，保持这种稳定性很重要，尤其是如果你是一名艺术家，因为作为艺术家或有创造力的人，我们不想做的，是把我们所拥有的作为人质。
我的意思是，当我们告诉我们的艺术“你必须为我提供我现在需要的支持、安全和成功”时，我们正在扼杀它的潜力，不允许它与我们一起成长。
祝你好运。
The funny thing is, most of this is about what parents do want, rather than what they don’t.
3 things most parents, guardians want for their children:
safety,
support, and
success to some degree.
For most of our growing lives, our parents provide these things for us. When the time comes for us to “leave the nest” and make our own way, parents like the assurance that we will continue to receive the big 3 wherever we go.
Foregoing the opportunity of a stable job, where you have some measure of support and possibility of success, to take on the risky proposition of relying on sales of your artwork to keep a roof over your head makes many parents uneasy.
Rightfully so.
Not because they don’t recognize talent in their kids, but because they know how hard it is to sind safety, support, or success as a full-time artist. The thing is though, we don’t have to choose one over the other.
I really believe it’s important to have that stability, especially if you are an artist - because as artists or creative people, what we don’t want to do, is hold what we make hostage.
What I mean by that is, when we tell our art “you have to provide me the support, security, and success I need right now” we’re stifling its potential. Not allowing it to grow with us.
Good luck .
有趣的是，这大部分是关于父母想要什么，而不是孩子们不想要什么。
大多数父母和监护人都在意自己孩子的三个方面：
安全、支持，以及在某种程度上取得成功。
在我们成长的大部分时间里，父母为我们提供这些东西。当我们“离开巢穴”，走自己的人生的时候，无论我们走到哪里，父母喜欢继续给出这三个方面的保证。
放弃一份稳定的工作机会—在那里你有一定的支持和成功的可能性，去承担依靠艺术品销售来维持生计的风险，这让许多父母感到不安。
没错。
并不是因为他们不认识孩子的天赋，而是因为他们知道作为一名全职艺术家，获得安全、支持或成功是多么困难。但问题是，我们不必选择其中一个。
我真的相信，保持这种稳定性很重要，尤其是如果你是一名艺术家，因为作为艺术家或有创造力的人，我们不想做的，是把我们所拥有的作为人质。
我的意思是，当我们告诉我们的艺术“你必须为我提供我现在需要的支持、安全和成功”时，我们正在扼杀它的潜力，不允许它与我们一起成长。
祝你好运。
Anonymous
There are multiple possibilities:
They don’t love their children or don’t respect them. They side with the bullies, like many of the teachers do, especially if the child is tempermentally different from themselves.
They think it will provide experience in “standing up for yourself” and often don’t teach their children how.
They themselves were bullied and got no help from their own parents.
They are afraid of or don’t like dealing with conflict.
They are ignorant of the long-term consequences or don’t care.
有多种可能性：
他们不爱他们的孩子，也不尊重他们。他们站在恃强凌弱者一边，就像许多老师一样，尤其是当孩子的性情与他们自己不同的时候。
他们认为这将提供“为自己而战”的经验，但通常不会教他们的孩子怎么做。
他们自己也被欺负，没有得到父母的帮助。
他们害怕或不喜欢处理冲突。
他们对长期后果一无所知或根本不在乎。
There are multiple possibilities:
They don’t love their children or don’t respect them. They side with the bullies, like many of the teachers do, especially if the child is tempermentally different from themselves.
They think it will provide experience in “standing up for yourself” and often don’t teach their children how.
They themselves were bullied and got no help from their own parents.
They are afraid of or don’t like dealing with conflict.
They are ignorant of the long-term consequences or don’t care.
有多种可能性：
他们不爱他们的孩子，也不尊重他们。他们站在恃强凌弱者一边，就像许多老师一样，尤其是当孩子的性情与他们自己不同的时候。
他们认为这将提供“为自己而战”的经验，但通常不会教他们的孩子怎么做。
他们自己也被欺负，没有得到父母的帮助。
他们害怕或不喜欢处理冲突。
他们对长期后果一无所知或根本不在乎。
Anonymous
Is it true that children of rich parents are always successful in life?
I can only write anonymously for this one.
I must tell you something.
My father is rich. He is a millionaire. He had three kids, including me, and we can all be called relative failures.
One of my brothers have spent more time in psychiatric hospitals than at work. The other one is a compulsive liar and also an alcoholic, apparently recovering now, but it is hard to tell because… well, because he is a compulsive liar.
We don’t talk too much anymore now, in the family.
As for myself, I live alone in a tiny studio, I have a part-time job, very unstable, that only covers 70% of my income. The rest is welfare money. But I cannot find a better job because I am so socially ill-adapted that everyone always ends-up hating me in every job I have ever had. Which is why I now have an independent job with daily contracts and no commitment.
Very few friends, no girlfriend. I was a virgin until the age of 24. I am “that weirdo”.
Neither my dad nor my mom should have had children.
有钱人家的孩子真的都很成功吗?
我只能匿名写这条评论。
我必须告诉你一件事。
我父亲很富有。他是个百万富翁。包括我在内，他有三个孩子，我们都可以被称为相对失败。
我的一个兄弟在精神病院的时间比在工作中的时间长。另一个是一个难以抑制的说谎者，也是一个酗酒者，显然现在正在康复，但很难说，因为他是一个难以抑制的说谎者。
我们现在在家里不怎么说话了。
至于我自己，我独自住在一个小工作室里，我有一份兼职工作，非常不稳定，只占我收入的70%。剩下的是福利金。但我找不到更好的工作，因为我太不适应社会，以至于每个人都讨厌我做过的每一份工作。这就是为什么我现在有一份独立的工作，每天都有合同，但没有承诺。
朋友很少，没有女朋友。我24岁以前还是处男，我是“那个怪人”。
我爸爸和妈妈都本不应该有孩子。
Is it true that children of rich parents are always successful in life?
I can only write anonymously for this one.
I must tell you something.
My father is rich. He is a millionaire. He had three kids, including me, and we can all be called relative failures.
One of my brothers have spent more time in psychiatric hospitals than at work. The other one is a compulsive liar and also an alcoholic, apparently recovering now, but it is hard to tell because… well, because he is a compulsive liar.
We don’t talk too much anymore now, in the family.
As for myself, I live alone in a tiny studio, I have a part-time job, very unstable, that only covers 70% of my income. The rest is welfare money. But I cannot find a better job because I am so socially ill-adapted that everyone always ends-up hating me in every job I have ever had. Which is why I now have an independent job with daily contracts and no commitment.
Very few friends, no girlfriend. I was a virgin until the age of 24. I am “that weirdo”.
Neither my dad nor my mom should have had children.
有钱人家的孩子真的都很成功吗?
我只能匿名写这条评论。
我必须告诉你一件事。
我父亲很富有。他是个百万富翁。包括我在内，他有三个孩子，我们都可以被称为相对失败。
我的一个兄弟在精神病院的时间比在工作中的时间长。另一个是一个难以抑制的说谎者，也是一个酗酒者，显然现在正在康复，但很难说，因为他是一个难以抑制的说谎者。
我们现在在家里不怎么说话了。
至于我自己，我独自住在一个小工作室里，我有一份兼职工作，非常不稳定，只占我收入的70%。剩下的是福利金。但我找不到更好的工作，因为我太不适应社会，以至于每个人都讨厌我做过的每一份工作。这就是为什么我现在有一份独立的工作，每天都有合同，但没有承诺。
朋友很少，没有女朋友。我24岁以前还是处男，我是“那个怪人”。
我爸爸和妈妈都本不应该有孩子。
My mother was a terrible, self-absorbed, selfish, narcissistic “role model” (if you want to call it that), that I made the mistake of copying… hence the major social rejection that I suffer.
As for my father, he never wanted children. When we were young, he was always yelling, always belittling us, always telling us we were dumb, no good, that we would amount to nothing, that we’d end-up being unemployed. Sometimes he would hit us.
He used money to manipulate us. He had the money, he made the rules, and made that very clear.
All three of us attempted suicide at some point. The idea still crosses my mind from time to time.
Nowadays, I only keep in contact with my father because:
he gives a generous amount of money for Christmas every year
I want to inherit some day
Greed is the only cement of our family. What else could it be? Love? There was none!
I don’t consider my cynicism as something to be ashamed of. I only stay for the money, for a very simple reason:
我的母亲是一个可怕的、固执己见 、自私的、自恋的“榜样”（如果你想这么称呼的话），我犯了抄袭的错误，因此我遭受了重大的社会排斥。
至于我父亲，他从不想要孩子。当我们年轻的时候，他总是大喊大叫，总是贬低我们，总是告诉我们我们很傻，不好，我们会一事无成，我们最终会失业。有时他会打我们。
他用金钱操纵我们。他有钱，他制定了规则，而且说得很清楚。
我们三个人都曾在某个时刻企图自杀。这个想法不时地在我脑海中闪过。
如今，我只和我父亲保持联系，因为：
他每年圣诞节都会给很多钱；
我想有朝一日继承遗产；
贪婪是我们家庭的唯一粘合剂。还能是什么？爱，没有！
我不认为我的愤世嫉俗是值得羞愧的。我只是为了钱而留下，原因很简单：
As for my father, he never wanted children. When we were young, he was always yelling, always belittling us, always telling us we were dumb, no good, that we would amount to nothing, that we’d end-up being unemployed. Sometimes he would hit us.
He used money to manipulate us. He had the money, he made the rules, and made that very clear.
All three of us attempted suicide at some point. The idea still crosses my mind from time to time.
Nowadays, I only keep in contact with my father because:
he gives a generous amount of money for Christmas every year
I want to inherit some day
Greed is the only cement of our family. What else could it be? Love? There was none!
I don’t consider my cynicism as something to be ashamed of. I only stay for the money, for a very simple reason:
我的母亲是一个可怕的、固执己见 、自私的、自恋的“榜样”（如果你想这么称呼的话），我犯了抄袭的错误，因此我遭受了重大的社会排斥。
至于我父亲，他从不想要孩子。当我们年轻的时候，他总是大喊大叫，总是贬低我们，总是告诉我们我们很傻，不好，我们会一事无成，我们最终会失业。有时他会打我们。
他用金钱操纵我们。他有钱，他制定了规则，而且说得很清楚。
我们三个人都曾在某个时刻企图自杀。这个想法不时地在我脑海中闪过。
如今，我只和我父亲保持联系，因为：
他每年圣诞节都会给很多钱；
我想有朝一日继承遗产；
贪婪是我们家庭的唯一粘合剂。还能是什么？爱，没有！
我不认为我的愤世嫉俗是值得羞愧的。我只是为了钱而留下，原因很简单：
My parents broke me, made me unable to be 100% independent. I am, according to many people, exceptionally smart (not my words). I speak 4 languages (monolingual by birth, the other 3, self-taught), and have many skills, but I cannot be independent for the life of me.
My parents basically broke our legs, and then criticized us for not walking straight. That is how I see it.
So of course, I want my father’s money to “push my wheelchair”. And he’s getting no praises for it either. He broke me, he’ll pay.
I won’t be sad when they die.
Because of them, I am basically dead inside.
But my parents are rich. We are failures because of the parents they were, but they happen to be rich.
我的父母使我崩溃，使我无法100%独立。许多人认为我非常聪明（不是我说的）。我会说4种语言（出生时只会说一种语言，另外3种是自学的），并且有很多技能，但我无法独立生活。
我父母基本上把我们的腿都打断了，然后批评我们走路时走的不直，这就是我的看法。
所以，我当然想要我父亲的钱来“推我的轮椅”。而且他也没有因此得到任何表扬。他害了我，他会付出代价的。
他们死后我不会难过。
因为他们，我基本上已经死了。
但我父母很有钱。我们之所以失败，是因为他们是父母，他们碰巧很富有。
养育一个成功的孩子需要的不仅仅是财富。
My parents basically broke our legs, and then criticized us for not walking straight. That is how I see it.
So of course, I want my father’s money to “push my wheelchair”. And he’s getting no praises for it either. He broke me, he’ll pay.
I won’t be sad when they die.
Because of them, I am basically dead inside.
But my parents are rich. We are failures because of the parents they were, but they happen to be rich.
我的父母使我崩溃，使我无法100%独立。许多人认为我非常聪明（不是我说的）。我会说4种语言（出生时只会说一种语言，另外3种是自学的），并且有很多技能，但我无法独立生活。
我父母基本上把我们的腿都打断了，然后批评我们走路时走的不直，这就是我的看法。
所以，我当然想要我父亲的钱来“推我的轮椅”。而且他也没有因此得到任何表扬。他害了我，他会付出代价的。
他们死后我不会难过。
因为他们，我基本上已经死了。
但我父母很有钱。我们之所以失败，是因为他们是父母，他们碰巧很富有。
养育一个成功的孩子需要的不仅仅是财富。
It takes more than wealth to raise a successful kid.
I don’t know if rich kids take money for granted, but it sure feels like kids from loving families take love for granted.
I hope that answers your question.
Edit: well the success of this answer and the many comments have made me drop out of Quora entirely.
Especially the many pathetic, terrible excuses of human beings who commented that I was selfish, a coward, a crybaby or that I blamed the world for my own failures and should just “suck it up”… It was tough to read these particular comments, especially as I recently went to visit my middle brother who has been hospitalized for the 3rd time this year in the psychiatric ward because of all the things that have happened to us.
To these judgmental monsters, I just need to say: YOU WEREN’T THERE! YOU DON’T KNOW! WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOUR OPINION? YOU DON’T KNOW ME AND MY FAMILY!
But I also want to thank the positive, encouraging comments out there.
我不知道富有的孩子是否把金钱视为理所当然，但这确实让人觉得来自爱的家庭的孩子把爱视为理所当然。
我希望这能回答你的问题。
编辑：这个答案的成功和众多的评论让我完全退出了Quora。
尤其是人类的许多可悲、可怕的借口，他们说我自私、懦夫、是爱哭的孩子，或者说我把自己的失败归咎于世界，而应该“接受它”，最近我去看了我的二弟，他今年第三次住进了精神科病房，因为发生在我们身上的所有事情。
对于这些挑剔的怪物，我只需要说：你没经历过！你不懂！你不了解我和我的家人，你有什么权利发表意见？
但我也要感谢那些积极的、令人鼓舞的评论。
I don’t know if rich kids take money for granted, but it sure feels like kids from loving families take love for granted.
I hope that answers your question.
Edit: well the success of this answer and the many comments have made me drop out of Quora entirely.
Especially the many pathetic, terrible excuses of human beings who commented that I was selfish, a coward, a crybaby or that I blamed the world for my own failures and should just “suck it up”… It was tough to read these particular comments, especially as I recently went to visit my middle brother who has been hospitalized for the 3rd time this year in the psychiatric ward because of all the things that have happened to us.
To these judgmental monsters, I just need to say: YOU WEREN’T THERE! YOU DON’T KNOW! WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOUR OPINION? YOU DON’T KNOW ME AND MY FAMILY!
But I also want to thank the positive, encouraging comments out there.
我不知道富有的孩子是否把金钱视为理所当然，但这确实让人觉得来自爱的家庭的孩子把爱视为理所当然。
我希望这能回答你的问题。
编辑：这个答案的成功和众多的评论让我完全退出了Quora。
尤其是人类的许多可悲、可怕的借口，他们说我自私、懦夫、是爱哭的孩子，或者说我把自己的失败归咎于世界，而应该“接受它”，最近我去看了我的二弟，他今年第三次住进了精神科病房，因为发生在我们身上的所有事情。
对于这些挑剔的怪物，我只需要说：你没经历过！你不懂！你不了解我和我的家人，你有什么权利发表意见？
但我也要感谢那些积极的、令人鼓舞的评论。
Tod Krishna
Why do Indian parents not want their children to become an artist?
A lot of these answers point out that it's hard to make money as an artist, which isnt true, but it is a major reason Indian parents reject the field.
People are under the false impression that there's only one way to be an artist, which is making paintings on the street and begging someone to buy, which isnt true at all, (see concept artists, animators, fashion designers, studio artists, and so much more, these are face value examples).
Especially pre Internet it was like that. So when our parents were kids it was much harder to get into the industry and get paid decentley. Sure, you might not get paid as much as an engineer or doctor (depending on your job and place of work, since in some places you can get a pay equivalent to an engineer), but it will be enough to live comfortably.
I convinced my Indian parents to be supportive of my decicion to be an artist by showing them the average wage of what I wanted to do.
TLDR: Indian parents are often under the impression jobs other than engineer and doctor are not well paying, and their picture of an artist is not accurate to jobs available today.
为什么印度父母不希望他们的孩子成为艺术家？
这些答案都指出，作为一名艺术家很难挣钱，这不是事实，但这是印度父母拒绝这个领域的主要原因。
人们误以为成为艺术家只有一种方式可以赚钱，那就是在街上画画，乞求别人买，这一点都不正确（看看概念艺术家、动画师、时装设计师、工作室艺术家等等，这些都是表面价值的例子）。
尤其是在互联网之前，它就是这样的。因此，当我们的父母还是孩子的时候，要进入这个行业并获得体面的报酬就要困难得多。当然，你可能拿不到工程师或医生的薪水（取决于你的工作和工作地点，因为在某些地方你可以得到与工程师相当的薪水），但这足以让你过上舒适的生活。
我说服我的印度父母支持我成为一名艺术家的决定，向他们展示了我想做的事情的平均工资。
要点总结：印度父母通常会觉得工程师和医生以外的工作报酬不高，他们对艺术家的描述也不准确。
Why do Indian parents not want their children to become an artist?
A lot of these answers point out that it's hard to make money as an artist, which isnt true, but it is a major reason Indian parents reject the field.
People are under the false impression that there's only one way to be an artist, which is making paintings on the street and begging someone to buy, which isnt true at all, (see concept artists, animators, fashion designers, studio artists, and so much more, these are face value examples).
Especially pre Internet it was like that. So when our parents were kids it was much harder to get into the industry and get paid decentley. Sure, you might not get paid as much as an engineer or doctor (depending on your job and place of work, since in some places you can get a pay equivalent to an engineer), but it will be enough to live comfortably.
I convinced my Indian parents to be supportive of my decicion to be an artist by showing them the average wage of what I wanted to do.
TLDR: Indian parents are often under the impression jobs other than engineer and doctor are not well paying, and their picture of an artist is not accurate to jobs available today.
为什么印度父母不希望他们的孩子成为艺术家？
这些答案都指出，作为一名艺术家很难挣钱，这不是事实，但这是印度父母拒绝这个领域的主要原因。
人们误以为成为艺术家只有一种方式可以赚钱，那就是在街上画画，乞求别人买，这一点都不正确（看看概念艺术家、动画师、时装设计师、工作室艺术家等等，这些都是表面价值的例子）。
尤其是在互联网之前，它就是这样的。因此，当我们的父母还是孩子的时候，要进入这个行业并获得体面的报酬就要困难得多。当然，你可能拿不到工程师或医生的薪水（取决于你的工作和工作地点，因为在某些地方你可以得到与工程师相当的薪水），但这足以让你过上舒适的生活。
我说服我的印度父母支持我成为一名艺术家的决定，向他们展示了我想做的事情的平均工资。
要点总结：印度父母通常会觉得工程师和医生以外的工作报酬不高，他们对艺术家的描述也不准确。
Kammy Chinnock
What are the things that spoil children?
My mother had a friend that raised her kids by the child psychology books in the 1960’s. They said that you should never say “No” to your child, that it would harm his ego, and destroy his self-esteem.
So, she had a 12 year old boy that had never heard the word “No” from his parents. He also was rather smart. He was in the Gifted and Talented program at school, This meant he was a rude smart ass.
One day she called my mother in tears. She had been running late for work, and her son insisted that she take him to the library, which was in the opposite direction, she got angry, and told him no. He got mad at her, told her she was a bad mother and locked himself in his room. She was hysterical because she had ruined her son. My mother told her to go to work, she was now 2 hours late, that her son was old enough to take care of himself. She felt guilty about not taking her son to the library, mostly because he wouldn’t let her forget, for months. She finally ended up coming up with something to bribe him with so that he would forget about not going to the library!
This how you spoil your child and this is what you get if you do.
My parents ensured that we had a roof over our heads, food on the table and clothes to wear.
什么东西会宠坏孩子？
我母亲有一个朋友，她在20世纪60年代通过儿童心理学书籍抚养孩子。他们说，你永远不应该对你的孩子说“不”，这会伤害他的自尊，摧毁他的自尊。
因此，她有一个12岁的男孩，从未听过父母说“不”。他也很聪明。他在学校的天才班，这意味着他是一个粗鲁且聪明的混蛋。
有一天，她哭着给我妈妈打电话。她上班迟到了，她的儿子坚持要她带他去图书馆，图书馆却在相反的方向，她生气了，告诉他不去送他。他对她很生气，告诉她她是个坏妈妈，把自己锁在了房间里。她歇斯底里，因为她毁了儿子。我妈妈告诉她去上班，她现在迟到了两个小时，因为她的儿子已经足够照顾自己了。她为没有带儿子去图书馆而感到内疚，主要是因为几个月来儿子一直不让她忘记。她终于想了个办法来贿赂他，好让他忘记没去图书馆的事!
这就是你宠坏孩子的方式，如果你这样做，你会得到什么。
我父母确保我们屋住，桌子上有食物，有衣服穿。
What are the things that spoil children?
My mother had a friend that raised her kids by the child psychology books in the 1960’s. They said that you should never say “No” to your child, that it would harm his ego, and destroy his self-esteem.
So, she had a 12 year old boy that had never heard the word “No” from his parents. He also was rather smart. He was in the Gifted and Talented program at school, This meant he was a rude smart ass.
One day she called my mother in tears. She had been running late for work, and her son insisted that she take him to the library, which was in the opposite direction, she got angry, and told him no. He got mad at her, told her she was a bad mother and locked himself in his room. She was hysterical because she had ruined her son. My mother told her to go to work, she was now 2 hours late, that her son was old enough to take care of himself. She felt guilty about not taking her son to the library, mostly because he wouldn’t let her forget, for months. She finally ended up coming up with something to bribe him with so that he would forget about not going to the library!
This how you spoil your child and this is what you get if you do.
My parents ensured that we had a roof over our heads, food on the table and clothes to wear.
什么东西会宠坏孩子？
我母亲有一个朋友，她在20世纪60年代通过儿童心理学书籍抚养孩子。他们说，你永远不应该对你的孩子说“不”，这会伤害他的自尊，摧毁他的自尊。
因此，她有一个12岁的男孩，从未听过父母说“不”。他也很聪明。他在学校的天才班，这意味着他是一个粗鲁且聪明的混蛋。
有一天，她哭着给我妈妈打电话。她上班迟到了，她的儿子坚持要她带他去图书馆，图书馆却在相反的方向，她生气了，告诉他不去送他。他对她很生气，告诉她她是个坏妈妈，把自己锁在了房间里。她歇斯底里，因为她毁了儿子。我妈妈告诉她去上班，她现在迟到了两个小时，因为她的儿子已经足够照顾自己了。她为没有带儿子去图书馆而感到内疚，主要是因为几个月来儿子一直不让她忘记。她终于想了个办法来贿赂他，好让他忘记没去图书馆的事!
这就是你宠坏孩子的方式，如果你这样做，你会得到什么。
我父母确保我们屋住，桌子上有食物，有衣服穿。
My mother cooked one meal, if we didn’t like what it was, we didn’t eat. The food was always nutritious, and there was always enough. If we wanted extras like candy, we did chores around the house, I got a penny a pair for folding socks (in a family of 6 that’s a lot socks!), my brothers got 25 cents for mowing the lawn, we got 25 cents for washing the cars, I got 25 cents for running the vacuum, 10 cents for dusting. You have to understand that there was a penny candy store up the street! A full sized Hershey Chocolate bar was 10 cents. Hostess Cupcakes were 50 cents (we had to save up for that). I also got 25 cents a load for doing not only the washing but the drying as well. It was an extra 10 cents if I folded it too.
We always got new clothes before school. They were not designer clothes, they were usually store brand. My brothers got one new pair of shoes, all they needed was tennis shoes. I got two so that I had a nice pair to wear with skirts and dresses, and then my pair of tennis shoes. Our tennis shoes were bought at the grocery store.
If we wanted more or different clothes, we could get a job and earn our own money. When we got older, and my brothers started paper routes, and I started baby sitting, we could buy extra things that were more fashionable, or more to our tastes.
我妈妈做了一顿饭，如果我们不喜欢，我们就不吃。食物总是有营养的，而且总是足够的。如果我们想要额外的东西，比如糖果，我们会在家里做家务，我折叠一双袜子会得到一便士（在一个六口之家，有很多袜子！），我的兄弟们修剪草坪得到25美分，我们洗车得到25美分。我用吸尘器得了25美分，除尘得了10美分。你必须明白，街上有一家便士糖果店！你要知道这条街上有一家廉价糖果店!一个完整尺寸的好时巧克力棒只要10美分。女主人纸杯蛋糕是50美分(我们得攒钱买)。我每洗一件衣服还能得到25美分，因为我不仅洗衣服，还把衣服晒干。如果我把它也叠起来的话，要多10美分。
我们总是在上学前买新衣服。它们不是名牌衣服，通常是商店品牌的。我的哥哥们买了一双新鞋，他们只需要网球鞋。我买了两双，这样我就有一双可以搭配裙子和连衣裙了，还有一双网球鞋。我们的网球鞋是在杂货店买的。
如果我们想要更多或不同的衣服，我们可以找工作，自己挣钱。当我们长大一些，我的兄弟们开始送报纸，我开始照顾孩子，我们可以买更多更时尚，更符合我们的口味的东西。
We always got new clothes before school. They were not designer clothes, they were usually store brand. My brothers got one new pair of shoes, all they needed was tennis shoes. I got two so that I had a nice pair to wear with skirts and dresses, and then my pair of tennis shoes. Our tennis shoes were bought at the grocery store.
If we wanted more or different clothes, we could get a job and earn our own money. When we got older, and my brothers started paper routes, and I started baby sitting, we could buy extra things that were more fashionable, or more to our tastes.
我妈妈做了一顿饭，如果我们不喜欢，我们就不吃。食物总是有营养的，而且总是足够的。如果我们想要额外的东西，比如糖果，我们会在家里做家务，我折叠一双袜子会得到一便士（在一个六口之家，有很多袜子！），我的兄弟们修剪草坪得到25美分，我们洗车得到25美分。我用吸尘器得了25美分，除尘得了10美分。你必须明白，街上有一家便士糖果店！你要知道这条街上有一家廉价糖果店!一个完整尺寸的好时巧克力棒只要10美分。女主人纸杯蛋糕是50美分(我们得攒钱买)。我每洗一件衣服还能得到25美分，因为我不仅洗衣服，还把衣服晒干。如果我把它也叠起来的话，要多10美分。
我们总是在上学前买新衣服。它们不是名牌衣服，通常是商店品牌的。我的哥哥们买了一双新鞋，他们只需要网球鞋。我买了两双，这样我就有一双可以搭配裙子和连衣裙了，还有一双网球鞋。我们的网球鞋是在杂货店买的。
如果我们想要更多或不同的衣服，我们可以找工作，自己挣钱。当我们长大一些，我的兄弟们开始送报纸，我开始照顾孩子，我们可以买更多更时尚，更符合我们的口味的东西。
We were not paid for our good grades in school, we were expected to get good grades, because we were working towards our future. My step-father who had a PhD in Chemistry had not been paid for his degree, in fact he earned his way through the University. (Of course, this was in the 40’s when tuition was much lower).
When I graduated high school, and hadn’t gotten my own apartment, I paid 1/3 of my paycheck to my parents for room and board, and 1/10 went into savings.
But we were raised with the same morals and ethics as my grandparents. Nothing was given to us, except food, shelter and clothing, and of course love, and acceptance. We didn’t expect hand-outs. If we wanted something, we worked for it.
They taught me about responsibility, I learned all the skills I needed to live independently.
*******WOW!!! A thousand upvotes! Thanks! I’m so glad you like my answer!
我们在学校的好成绩并没有得到报酬，我们被期望获得好成绩，因为我们正在为我们的未来而努力。我的继父拥有化学博士学位，但他的学位没有得到报酬，事实上，他是靠自己的努力读完大学的。（当然，这是在40年代，当时学费要低得多）。
当我高中毕业时，我还没有买自己的公寓，我把三分之一的薪水付给了父母作为食宿费，还有十分之一的钱花在了储蓄上。
但我们在和祖父母一样的道德和伦理环境中长大。除了食物、住所和衣服，当然还有爱和接纳，我们什么也没有得到。我们没想到会有施舍。如果我们想要什么，我们会努力争取。
他们教会了我责任感，我学会了独立生活所需的所有技能。
哇！一千个点赞！谢谢，我很高兴你喜欢我的回答！
When I graduated high school, and hadn’t gotten my own apartment, I paid 1/3 of my paycheck to my parents for room and board, and 1/10 went into savings.
But we were raised with the same morals and ethics as my grandparents. Nothing was given to us, except food, shelter and clothing, and of course love, and acceptance. We didn’t expect hand-outs. If we wanted something, we worked for it.
They taught me about responsibility, I learned all the skills I needed to live independently.
*******WOW!!! A thousand upvotes! Thanks! I’m so glad you like my answer!
我们在学校的好成绩并没有得到报酬，我们被期望获得好成绩，因为我们正在为我们的未来而努力。我的继父拥有化学博士学位，但他的学位没有得到报酬，事实上，他是靠自己的努力读完大学的。（当然，这是在40年代，当时学费要低得多）。
当我高中毕业时，我还没有买自己的公寓，我把三分之一的薪水付给了父母作为食宿费，还有十分之一的钱花在了储蓄上。
但我们在和祖父母一样的道德和伦理环境中长大。除了食物、住所和衣服，当然还有爱和接纳，我们什么也没有得到。我们没想到会有施舍。如果我们想要什么，我们会努力争取。
他们教会了我责任感，我学会了独立生活所需的所有技能。
哇！一千个点赞！谢谢，我很高兴你喜欢我的回答！
Richard Muller
What do you think about parents who slap/hit their kids?
They are inadvertently teaching them that violence is a proper way to respond to things you don’t like, but only if you are more powerful than the person you are hitting.
Soon after I learned that my wife and I were going to have a baby, I started actively noticing the behavior of other parents. Particularly dramatic was a mother who slapped her son at a department store, while saying, “Stop hitting your sister!”
I imagined what the boy learned as a lesson: don’t hit someone smaller than you if there is someone bigger than you who obxts.
你怎么看待那些打孩子的父母？
他们在无意中教导孩子，暴力是对你不喜欢的事情的适当回应，但只有当你比被打的人更强大的时候才这样做。
在得知我和妻子要有孩子的消息后不久，我开始积极注意其他父母的行为。尤其引人注目的是，一位母亲在百货公司一边打儿子，一边说:“不要打你妹妹!”
我想象着这个男孩学到的教训:如果有比你大的人反对，就不要打比你小的人。
What do you think about parents who slap/hit their kids?
They are inadvertently teaching them that violence is a proper way to respond to things you don’t like, but only if you are more powerful than the person you are hitting.
Soon after I learned that my wife and I were going to have a baby, I started actively noticing the behavior of other parents. Particularly dramatic was a mother who slapped her son at a department store, while saying, “Stop hitting your sister!”
I imagined what the boy learned as a lesson: don’t hit someone smaller than you if there is someone bigger than you who obxts.
你怎么看待那些打孩子的父母？
他们在无意中教导孩子，暴力是对你不喜欢的事情的适当回应，但只有当你比被打的人更强大的时候才这样做。
在得知我和妻子要有孩子的消息后不久，我开始积极注意其他父母的行为。尤其引人注目的是，一位母亲在百货公司一边打儿子，一边说:“不要打你妹妹!”
我想象着这个男孩学到的教训:如果有比你大的人反对，就不要打比你小的人。
Alexandre Leroy
Do narcissists love their own children?
Narcissists don’t love anyone. That includes their children.
When it comes to their children, it becomes literally a case of, “I made you, so I own you.” A Narcissist’s children are not their children; they are their slaves. They are not even people; they are obxts, or pets on the best days. A Narcissist’s children are born to serve them, to be of use to them.
自恋者爱自己的孩子吗？
自恋者不爱任何人，这包括他们的孩子。
当涉及到他们的孩子时，这就变成了一个字面上的例子：“我创造了你，所以我拥有你。”自恋者的孩子不是他们的孩子；孩子是他们的奴隶。他们甚至不是人；在最好的日子里，它们是物品或宠物。自恋者的孩子生来就是为他们服务，对他们有用。
Do narcissists love their own children?
Narcissists don’t love anyone. That includes their children.
When it comes to their children, it becomes literally a case of, “I made you, so I own you.” A Narcissist’s children are not their children; they are their slaves. They are not even people; they are obxts, or pets on the best days. A Narcissist’s children are born to serve them, to be of use to them.
自恋者爱自己的孩子吗？
自恋者不爱任何人，这包括他们的孩子。
当涉及到他们的孩子时，这就变成了一个字面上的例子：“我创造了你，所以我拥有你。”自恋者的孩子不是他们的孩子；孩子是他们的奴隶。他们甚至不是人；在最好的日子里，它们是物品或宠物。自恋者的孩子生来就是为他们服务，对他们有用。
If they have several children, a Narcissist will often assign roles to them. One child might end up being the Golden Child: the one who is constantly praised while the others are denigrated and unfavorably compared. But make no mistake: there’s no love whatsoever in this. There’s only manipulation. A Golden Child isn’t acknowledged as a child to begin with, as a person; they are only a tool in their Narcissistic parent’s toolbox, like all their siblings.
Despite all this, you can expect the Narcissistic parent to pretend to be the Most Loving and Devoted Parent in the Whole Entire History of Humanity and the Whole Entire Geography of the World. You can expect the most passionate claims of “loving their children more than anything else,” of “being willing to do anything - anything! - for their children,” of “wanting nothing - nothing! - but the happiness of the children,” and so on. It’s all BS, but they are so good at pretending that most everyone believes them, including quite often their own children, who will deny their own pain and twist their minds to invent excuses for their parent’s behavior.
It was painful to realize that my own mother doesn’t love me, has never loved me.
如果他们有几个孩子，自恋者通常会给他们分配角色。一个孩子最终可能会成为“很受欢迎的孩子”：一个不断受到表扬的孩子，而另一个孩子则受到诋毁和不利的比较。但别搞错了：这里面没有任何爱。只有操纵。一个很受欢迎的孩子从一开始就不被认为是一个孩子，作为一个人；他们只是自恋父母工具箱中的一个工具，就像他们所有的兄弟姐妹一样。
尽管如此，你可以期待自恋的父母假装是整个人类历史和整个世界地理中最爱和最忠诚的父母。你可以期待“爱孩子胜过一切”、“愿意为孩子做任何事-任何事！”、“什么都不想-什么都不想要！-只想孩子们的幸福”等最充满激情的说法。这都是胡说八道，但他们擅长假装大多数人都相信他们，包括他们自己的孩子，他们会否认自己的痛苦，扭曲自己的想法，为父母的行为编造借口。
意识到我自己的母亲不爱我，从来没有爱过我，这是很痛苦的。
Despite all this, you can expect the Narcissistic parent to pretend to be the Most Loving and Devoted Parent in the Whole Entire History of Humanity and the Whole Entire Geography of the World. You can expect the most passionate claims of “loving their children more than anything else,” of “being willing to do anything - anything! - for their children,” of “wanting nothing - nothing! - but the happiness of the children,” and so on. It’s all BS, but they are so good at pretending that most everyone believes them, including quite often their own children, who will deny their own pain and twist their minds to invent excuses for their parent’s behavior.
It was painful to realize that my own mother doesn’t love me, has never loved me.
如果他们有几个孩子，自恋者通常会给他们分配角色。一个孩子最终可能会成为“很受欢迎的孩子”：一个不断受到表扬的孩子，而另一个孩子则受到诋毁和不利的比较。但别搞错了：这里面没有任何爱。只有操纵。一个很受欢迎的孩子从一开始就不被认为是一个孩子，作为一个人；他们只是自恋父母工具箱中的一个工具，就像他们所有的兄弟姐妹一样。
尽管如此，你可以期待自恋的父母假装是整个人类历史和整个世界地理中最爱和最忠诚的父母。你可以期待“爱孩子胜过一切”、“愿意为孩子做任何事-任何事！”、“什么都不想-什么都不想要！-只想孩子们的幸福”等最充满激情的说法。这都是胡说八道，但他们擅长假装大多数人都相信他们，包括他们自己的孩子，他们会否认自己的痛苦，扭曲自己的想法，为父母的行为编造借口。
意识到我自己的母亲不爱我，从来没有爱过我，这是很痛苦的。
Ruchi Gupta
My parents are not allowing me to pursue art as a career. What do I do?
COMMUNICATE.
Because only that is the way out.
I will tell you what happens if you don’t communicate effectively, because just declaring that you want to do this, won’t help, it will be similar to looking at the trophy you want and saying, “ I want it, I want it dad/mum” you need to work for it right?
Humans are rational, give your parents reasons, by which I mean tell them pros and cons of both pursuing a career in arts as well as where you want to. Because, here you have to express yourself, about what art means to you.
how pursuing something you are not interested in would waste you as a resource, their money, your time, energy and even after that won’t yield the perfect fruit they want.
ask some other elder to help you with explaining that, not every child is meant for the rat race, there are other worthy things to pursue, art being one of them.
express what you would be able to achieve through art, financially, ethically as well as personally, I mean show the willingness.
But be calm, don’t let this thing turn into any argument or a debate, let it be a speech, they will understand because, you have to convince them.
I hope this helps. And you don’t give up on yourself and your choice.
我父母不允许我以艺术为职业。我该怎么办？
交流。
因为只有这样才是出路。
我会告诉你，如果你不能有效地沟通会发生什么，因为仅仅宣布你想这样做是无济于事的，这就像看着你想要的奖杯说，“我想要它，我想要它，爸爸/妈妈”你需要为它而努力，对吗?
人类是理性的，给你的父母一些理由，我的意思是告诉他们在艺术方面追求职业的利弊，以及你想去哪里。因为，在这里你必须表达自己的想法，关于艺术对你来说意味着什么。
追求你不感兴趣的东西会浪费你的资源、金钱、时间和精力，甚至在那之后也不会产生他们想要的完美果实。
请其他长辈帮你解释一下，不是每个孩子都注定要参加激烈的竞争，还有其他有价值的东西可以追求，艺术就是其中之一。
表达你能够通过艺术，在经济上，道德上以及个人上取得成就，我的意思是表现出这种意愿。
但要冷静，不要让这件事变成任何争论或辩论，而要让它成为一场演讲，他们会理解的，因为你必须说服他们。
我希望这有帮助。你不会放弃你自己和你的选择。
My parents are not allowing me to pursue art as a career. What do I do?
COMMUNICATE.
Because only that is the way out.
I will tell you what happens if you don’t communicate effectively, because just declaring that you want to do this, won’t help, it will be similar to looking at the trophy you want and saying, “ I want it, I want it dad/mum” you need to work for it right?
Humans are rational, give your parents reasons, by which I mean tell them pros and cons of both pursuing a career in arts as well as where you want to. Because, here you have to express yourself, about what art means to you.
how pursuing something you are not interested in would waste you as a resource, their money, your time, energy and even after that won’t yield the perfect fruit they want.
ask some other elder to help you with explaining that, not every child is meant for the rat race, there are other worthy things to pursue, art being one of them.
express what you would be able to achieve through art, financially, ethically as well as personally, I mean show the willingness.
But be calm, don’t let this thing turn into any argument or a debate, let it be a speech, they will understand because, you have to convince them.
I hope this helps. And you don’t give up on yourself and your choice.
我父母不允许我以艺术为职业。我该怎么办？
交流。
因为只有这样才是出路。
我会告诉你，如果你不能有效地沟通会发生什么，因为仅仅宣布你想这样做是无济于事的，这就像看着你想要的奖杯说，“我想要它，我想要它，爸爸/妈妈”你需要为它而努力，对吗?
人类是理性的，给你的父母一些理由，我的意思是告诉他们在艺术方面追求职业的利弊，以及你想去哪里。因为，在这里你必须表达自己的想法，关于艺术对你来说意味着什么。
追求你不感兴趣的东西会浪费你的资源、金钱、时间和精力，甚至在那之后也不会产生他们想要的完美果实。
请其他长辈帮你解释一下，不是每个孩子都注定要参加激烈的竞争，还有其他有价值的东西可以追求，艺术就是其中之一。
表达你能够通过艺术，在经济上，道德上以及个人上取得成就，我的意思是表现出这种意愿。
但要冷静，不要让这件事变成任何争论或辩论，而要让它成为一场演讲，他们会理解的，因为你必须说服他们。
我希望这有帮助。你不会放弃你自己和你的选择。
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