2022-11-12 Kira_Yoshikage 4476

[Serious] What stole your joy? Why do you not have the same zest for life that you once did?


Let me preface that while at the moment I don't have a lot of joy, I have a lot of hope.


Spouse was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago. Cancer free, but still dealing with the effects of radiation and chemo on their body. Surgery #3 is in 10 days. 6-week recovery.


Oldest child who did not cope with the cancer tried to unalive themselves 5 times. 3 times in six weeks. In a better place now, but had to be in residential treatment for over a year. Take care of your mental health, people.


Father has dementia and no longer knows who I am. Can only visit for about 30 minutes or so before he starts getting anxious about a stranger in the house. Sometimes I call and he complains about the kids who never call. I have a lot of guilt I can't be there for him as much as I want to. But between spouse and child there's only so much of me.


50 and no retirement, Still a lot of medical debt. Also owe Uncle Sam due to a miscalculation on a W4. Spouse's job may not pay for all of recovery time and upcoming surgery will add to the debt. We are already month to month with expenses.


So, a lot of pressure and I feel like I've been in survival mode for 6 years. Hard to have joy right now, but as I said, I have hope. One of my strongest comic book memories from my childhood was when Spider-Man had to do CPR on Flash Thompson and told him "you don't quit until ten minutes after you're dead, Flash!" I've gone back to that scene a lot.


Just gotta keep doing the next right thing. In that time I found the best job I've ever had with an incredible culture. We are closer than ever as a family, and we have food on the table and a roof. I refuse to be a victim of life's circumstances.


Knowing Bad people win. Not like in movies I enjoy watching. Heroes are silenced or killed early on and the scummiest die peacefully getting away with everything.


"Evil turned out not to be a grand thing. Not sneering Emperors with their world-conquering designs. Not cackling demons plotting in the darkness beyond the world. It was small men with their small acts and their small reasons. It was selfishness and carelessness and waste. It was bad luck, incompetence, and stupidity. It was violence divorced from conscience or consequence. It was high ideals, even, and low methods" - joe abercrombie


I turned my hobby into my profession. Now I don't have a hobby anymore and I enjoy doing what I do less now that I need to do it in order to get money.


I studied Physics and Astronomy because I had a passion for it as a child. The coursework was extremely difficult, which was okay. The gatekeeping attitude from professors and peers is what killed it for me. I was constantly reminded that I was not smart enough to be worth anything in the field. I completed my degree absolutely burnt out and devoid of my initial love. Years later I came back to astronomy as the hobbyist I initially was and accepted that I was much happier not trying to be a professional.


The gatekeeping attitude from professors and peers is what killed it for me... I completed my degree absolutely burnt out and devoid of my initial love.


This was me with technology. The internet was the first place where I found people who were like me. I was ROM hacking GBA games and an enthusiastic scxt kiddie in the early 2000s, and feel privileged to have watched the internet grow and mature.


Then I went to school for academic computer science. I finished, but goddamn that shit sucks.

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My spouse died of cancer. Literally nothing holds joy anymore. Life consists of waiting for it to be done.


I can’t imagine this. And think about my sister in-law daily. I lost my brother to cancer last year and life just doesn’t feel fair anymore. I said this to someone the other day- I don’t feel much genuine happiness for others and I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same amount of joy I’ve felt when he’s been around.

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My brother died about ten years ago. I felt exactly like you do for the first few years. Then it got… easier. Not better, but easier. And then a few years after that, it really does feel okay most of the time. Not always. It still wrecks me every year when the seasons change to winter. And many other times. But life becomes enjoyable again. Things bring you genuine happiness.


My wife has terminal cancer, I’m terrified that this will be me or my children.


Work. It no longer satisfies. It's just a means to an end. I used to like working but now it's just a meat grinder. Fourteen years until I retire.


I feel the same. Used to like a job I had, then it got all fucked. Now I just work to live. I'll never be able to retire, though. I'll be working until I die at work.


Edit: Got fired yesterday for being too slow. I'm physically disabled, for what it's worth. Back to Round 01 in the Game of Poverty!


Worst part is for alot of people there really is no end.


I lost my wife to cancer in 2019. We had been together for 34 years. She was my best friend, the love of my life. We raised a family together and had big plans for when the kids moved out. We were going to travel and do all sorts of fun stuff together, just the two of us. She passed right before Covid hit. I went though the entire lock down by myself in a town with no family and no real friends. We could have spent so much time together. Now that things are getting back to normal I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life.


Spouse and 3 kids died in an accident. People said it would take time to feel joy again, but it’s been over a decade now without much change.


I enjoy little things from day to day now, but there’s no larger point anymore. Life is mostly just a chore.

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That sounds like something I don’t think anyone can fully recover from. I have 2 kids and my wife and couldn’t imagine them instantly being taken away from me in such a tragic fashion. I hope you find peace


Learning that no one but myself can me me happy, and that I'm not able to do this. Also having tried to fit in for such a long time that I'm just burned out.


The realization that no matter what I do, no matter how many hours I work, I'll still never be able to get ahead.

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Working just to have little to nothing to show for it doesn't feel great.


Surviving, not thriving.


I agree. Life has turned into live to work instead of work to live. My previous job paid very well but took up all my time and stressed me out too much to want to do anything other than go home and get drunk. My current job pays a lot less but gives me a lot more free time and less stress. The downside is that I have no money to do anything or invest in anything or start a business or really make anything of my life in general. You get out of one bad into the other. Yeah, I'm trying to purchase a house in the next couple years but other than that, what else do I have to look forward to? I'm not changing the world any time soon. There is no perfect scenario unless you win the lottery or are a trust fund baby to a wealthy family. It's a vicious cycle.


This is it exactly. It makes me wonder why I even bother, what the point of it all is. Maybe someday I'll actually get there? But even if so, likely not until I'm too old to actually enjoy it.


Cycle of working and paying the bills


I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking forward to every day. All I do is work.


I just quit my job and found a new one for this exact reason just last week. Sometimes you need to weigh your happiness against the amount of bullshit that you can tolerate.


I have done that -- sometimes changing roles within the same company, sometimes leaving. I'm at about 5 years now in my current role and getting the itch.


I change every 18 months or so, since 2016. I've literally quadrupled my salary since then, employers don't reward loyalty or promote within anymore.


"People dont quit jobs, they quit managers"


It's honestly so true. If management actually did their job and developed processes and put the right butts in the seats, life would be gravy. Instead, the culture is to operate with as few personnel as possible.


Similar to this. When I realized the person that gets promoted isn’t the best person for the job, but rather the person that will not question what they are asked to do.


I’m a physical therapist. I was performing the director of rehab position for 3 months as a fill in, hoping to get the job. After 3 months they chose somebody else that I know is doing shady things to generate more revenue.


Alternatively, I’ve reported (legitimate evidence) to the department of health because my patients come first. They don’t care. Nobody cares.


Lack of companionship and love. I never really learned how to socialize and make friends because I was so severely bullied as a child and adolescent. I was always told that it would get better when I grew up, but it really didn't. I stopped getting bullied, yes, but it turned into people just not wanting to know me. I've tried to pursue romantic partners and friends and no one is interested in me. Now I'm 45 and have really no one in my life and I've learned no one wants me in theirs so I just don't try. I go to work, I come home. That's it.




Yup. Divorce with kids. Sucked the life right out of me. It's been thirteen years and I am still recovering. Have only had one brief relationship in all that time. Was too busy raising my kids and trying to dig myself out financially and emotionally.


My youngest launched this fall and so did I. I just moved cross country and am back in school to make a major career shift. My daughter came to the east coast with me; my son is still on the west coast. So my family is all torn apart now in a new and different way. One more thing to mourn. But I spent 26 years living somewhere I didn't want to live and I just wanted to come home. But it's my home, not my kids' home, as they were raised in CA.


The school program I'm in is very demanding, but once I'm done I'd like to try finding a man again. But it's kind of terrifying. And I'm 56. Probably would have been easier to find a partner in my 40s when we divorced but I was too broken and just had too much on my plate. I'm working so hard right now, still, thirteen years later, to pull my fucking life together. Everything has been such a struggle. All because of that stupid divorce. Other people I know (the people who stayed married) are remodeling kitchens and taking trips to Europe and taking ski vacations with their spouses and eyeing retirement but not me. I will be working for a long time yet. Those married people have a level of ease and comfort in their lives that I don't know if I will ever achieve again. Maybe. I dunno.


Okay, there's my whole life in a nutshell. Sorry for the novel. Writing about it all is kind of like therapy for my trauma. That's one reason why I waste so much time on this website. That divorce left me traumatized. I'm still trying to normalize.


Money. Specifically the fact that I need to acquire it constantly


The worst part is that with the same amount of work you can afford less and less.


I find it more defeating to think that even though I make pretty good money I have to think before I spend 100$ on something.


And then there are billionaires out there who could buy every home in my small town and not even notice.


I just don’t understand how wealth inequality has gotten so bad in 50 years.


Edit: I understand how capitalism has been hyper optimized to funnel wealth, I don’t understand how the general public haven’t done anything about it.

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Right? If you live to 80 your whole entire life is about 700,000 hours long.


If you want to fly somewhere, get a hotel and take a vacation, it costs a pile of money. Call it $5000.


If you TAKE HOME $20/hr, and are able to save 100% of that for this vacation, you have to trade 250 hours of your life for that vacation. $10/hr saving 100% means 500 hours etc.


There are tickets on stubhub for a Taylor swift concert next March for $9,000.


Turning a hobby into a career stole the joy from the hobby for me.


I used to love baking, making fun desserts and decorating cakes and cupcakes for events. It was a release from a stressful job for me and brought joy to people. Then I left my job to go work in the industry; started at a French fine dining restaurant on its way to some Michelin stars in NYC and it destroyed any love I had for baking. The hours (started work at 3am), the physical toll (on my feet for 12+ hours, getting burnt by ovens and having a weird sleep schedule), and the emotional toll of working in an industry steeped in misogyny and substance abuse was just astronomical. By the end of my time in the restaurant, I doubted who I was as a person and what I was capable of. It honestly broke me for a bit and it took a while, and a really kind next employer, to piece me back together.


I don’t much enjoy baking now. I have found other hobbies to pour my time and energy into, and I will never again make the mistake of turning an avocation into a vocation.


This is really important advice. I lost my passion for music (I was a classically trained violinist) because I studied it in college in an attempt to make a career out of it. Burnt me out on it completely. People were not unkind, necessarily, but it takes a certain type of person to lock themselves in a room and practice hour after hour, day after day, having your every mistake notes and critiqued. Seeing people far beyond your skill level and realizing this is your job competition once you get your degree. It drove me into a depression that took me a long time to climb out of, and only after I put down my instrument and took a new path in life.


I have a lot of respect for the people who can make a living like that, but I realized too late that it should have been a hobby. It’s been over a decade now and I’ve never really been able to pick it up again. I live a generally content life, but it’s always felt like a piece of me died back then, and I rarely have felt the same passion and emotional depth as I used to.


Resist the urge to monetize the things you love. Save some things for yourself.