你做过的最困难的事情是什么?（三）
正文翻译
What is the hardest thing you have ever done?
你做过的最困难的事情是什么?
你做过的最困难的事情是什么?
评论翻译
Angela Ten
A year ago today, at age 33, I found out I had cancer.
After going over the pathology reports, and letting me know that the type of cancer I have is a “rare and aggressive” kind, my doctor said I needed to get my uterus and ovaries removed right away.
I will never have kids of my own.
Before she referred me to a specialist, she suggested I start writing a journal as a keepsake for my parents in case I do not make it.
Trying to keep it together as my mother (typically not a crier), sniffed and tried to keep her tears at bay sitting next to me, hearing all of this, was the start of the hardest thing I have ever done.
Over the last year, the word “aggressive” was used at me a lot. Not only was my kind of cancer aggressive, my treatment plan was even more aggressive. Due to me being “so young,” they thought my body should be able to tolerate it.
I ended up in the Emergency Room during my first chemo treatment.
I can go on about how hard it was to get through the chemo and radiation (both external and internal), but maybe I’ll save that for a different answer on Quora.
Instead I want to focus more on how I coped with this hardship.
Being 33, single with no kids, living with my parents during this was the best option.
Over the last year, I have read a lot of blogs and postings on Quora on people who were/are dealing with cancer. While everyone had different experiences and stories, there seemed to be one constant factor. They all seemed to have a significant other by their side, helping them through their difficult times.
一年前的今天，33岁的我发现自己得了癌症。
在看过病理报告后，我的医生告诉我，我患的癌症是一种“罕见和侵袭性”的癌症，我需要立即切除子宫和卵巢。
我永远不会有自己的孩子。
在她把我介绍给专家之前，她建议我开始写一本日记，作为给我父母的纪念品，以防我做不到。
我的母亲(通常不会哭)坐在我旁边，听着这一切，努力让自己振作起来，努力忍住眼泪，这是我做过的最艰难的事情的开始。
在过去的一年里，““激进”这个词经常用在我身上。我的癌症不仅具有攻击性，我的治疗计划甚至更具攻击性。由于我“这么年轻”，他们认为我的身体应该能够承受。
在第一次化疗期间，我被送进了急诊室。
我可以继续讲述化疗和放疗（包括外部和内部）有多难，但也许我会在Quora上留下不同的答案。
相反，我想更多地关注我是如何应对这种困难的。
33岁，单身，没有孩子，在这期间和父母住在一起是最好的选择。
在过去的一年里，我在Quora上读到了很多关于癌症患者的博客和帖子。虽然每个人都有不同的经历和故事，但似乎有一个不变的因素。他们似乎都有一个重要的另一半在身边，帮助他们度过难关。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
A year ago today, at age 33, I found out I had cancer.
After going over the pathology reports, and letting me know that the type of cancer I have is a “rare and aggressive” kind, my doctor said I needed to get my uterus and ovaries removed right away.
I will never have kids of my own.
Before she referred me to a specialist, she suggested I start writing a journal as a keepsake for my parents in case I do not make it.
Trying to keep it together as my mother (typically not a crier), sniffed and tried to keep her tears at bay sitting next to me, hearing all of this, was the start of the hardest thing I have ever done.
Over the last year, the word “aggressive” was used at me a lot. Not only was my kind of cancer aggressive, my treatment plan was even more aggressive. Due to me being “so young,” they thought my body should be able to tolerate it.
I ended up in the Emergency Room during my first chemo treatment.
I can go on about how hard it was to get through the chemo and radiation (both external and internal), but maybe I’ll save that for a different answer on Quora.
Instead I want to focus more on how I coped with this hardship.
Being 33, single with no kids, living with my parents during this was the best option.
Over the last year, I have read a lot of blogs and postings on Quora on people who were/are dealing with cancer. While everyone had different experiences and stories, there seemed to be one constant factor. They all seemed to have a significant other by their side, helping them through their difficult times.
一年前的今天，33岁的我发现自己得了癌症。
在看过病理报告后，我的医生告诉我，我患的癌症是一种“罕见和侵袭性”的癌症，我需要立即切除子宫和卵巢。
我永远不会有自己的孩子。
在她把我介绍给专家之前，她建议我开始写一本日记，作为给我父母的纪念品，以防我做不到。
我的母亲(通常不会哭)坐在我旁边，听着这一切，努力让自己振作起来，努力忍住眼泪，这是我做过的最艰难的事情的开始。
在过去的一年里，““激进”这个词经常用在我身上。我的癌症不仅具有攻击性，我的治疗计划甚至更具攻击性。由于我“这么年轻”，他们认为我的身体应该能够承受。
在第一次化疗期间，我被送进了急诊室。
我可以继续讲述化疗和放疗（包括外部和内部）有多难，但也许我会在Quora上留下不同的答案。
相反，我想更多地关注我是如何应对这种困难的。
33岁，单身，没有孩子，在这期间和父母住在一起是最好的选择。
在过去的一年里，我在Quora上读到了很多关于癌症患者的博客和帖子。虽然每个人都有不同的经历和故事，但似乎有一个不变的因素。他们似乎都有一个重要的另一半在身边，帮助他们度过难关。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I spent quite a lot of time reflecting over this. Who is going to want me now? I have lost 2 major features as a woman. First, my ability to reproduce. Second, my once long and beautiful hair. Not to mention that I am now a “cancer patient.”
I had to toy with the idea that there was a possibility that I would be single for the rest of my life.
In order to keep myself from feeling too down on myself, I worked as much as I could throughout treatment. Besides taking a few weeks off to recover from surgery and a few days here and there to rest from just being exhausted, I somehow managed to work on a full-time basis.
Home was where I could stop pretending everything was just fine and dandy. I could drop the fake smiles and I could be as crabby and demanding as I wanted and my parents would put up with it. Home was where I rested in bed, trying not to focus on the fact that I didn’t have that special someone like everyone else had, and my father coming in with fresh fruit he had washed, peeled, and cut into manageable sizes for me to eat. Home was where my mother would get up early every morning to prepare me a healthy breakfast and a lunch for me to take to work so I didn’t have to worry about it. She also went to every single one of my treatments and doctor’s appointments. Mom also knitted me hats. Lots of them... when my hair left me. Home was where my father would give me gentle back rubs, followed by comforting hugs, when treatment was taking a toll on my body.
After awhile, I stopped feeling sorry for myself that I did not have a significant other by my side. I realized I had two. At an age where I was the one who should be worrying about their health, my parents were in constant fear of mine. Yet, somehow, their quiet and steady strength guided me through my treatments. I was able to keep it together because they were able to keep it together.
A year ago today, I found out I had cancer. A year later, here I am, in remission, knowing fully well that there is something even harder I will have to face eventually... the passing of my parents, my two significant others. I will forever be in awe of their unconditional love.
Thank you for reading. This is my first answer on Quora, having lurked for over a year.
我花了很多时间来思考这个问题。现在谁还想要我?作为一个女人，我失去了两个主要特征。首先，我的繁殖能力。第二，我曾经又长又美的头发。更别提我现在是一个“癌症病人”了。
我不得不胡思乱想，我可能会单身一辈子。
为了不让自己感觉太沮丧，我在整个治疗过程中尽我所能地工作。除了花几周的时间从手术中恢复，还有几天的时间在这里和那里休息，我还设法全职工作。
家是我可以停止假装一切都很好的地方。我可以放下假笑，可以随心所欲地暴躁和苛求，我的父母也会容忍。家是我躺在床上的地方，尽量不去关注“我不再拥有其他人拥有的那个功能”，我的父亲带着新鲜的水果进来了，他已经洗好了，去了皮，切成了我可以吃的大小。家是我妈妈每天早起为我准备健康的早餐和午餐，让我带着去上班的地方，这样我就不用担心了。她还参加了我的每一次治疗和医生预约。妈妈还给我织了帽子。当我的头发离开我的时候，我有很多帽子。在家里，当治疗对我的身体造成伤害时，父亲会温柔地按摩我的背部，然后安慰并拥抱我。
过了一段时间，我不再为身边没有另一半而感到难过。我意识到我有两个重要的人。在我这个年纪，我本应该担心他们的健康，我的父母一直却担心我的健康。然而，不知何故，它们安静而稳定的力量引导我完成了治疗。我之所以能够保持镇定，是因为他们能够保持镇定。
一年前的今天，我发现自己得了癌症。一年后，我在这里，病情有所缓解，但我清楚地知道，最终我将不得不面对一些更困难的事情……我的两个重要的人——父母的去世。我将对他们无条件的爱永远敬畏。
感谢你的阅读。这是我在Quora上潜伏了一年多的第一个答案。
I had to toy with the idea that there was a possibility that I would be single for the rest of my life.
In order to keep myself from feeling too down on myself, I worked as much as I could throughout treatment. Besides taking a few weeks off to recover from surgery and a few days here and there to rest from just being exhausted, I somehow managed to work on a full-time basis.
Home was where I could stop pretending everything was just fine and dandy. I could drop the fake smiles and I could be as crabby and demanding as I wanted and my parents would put up with it. Home was where I rested in bed, trying not to focus on the fact that I didn’t have that special someone like everyone else had, and my father coming in with fresh fruit he had washed, peeled, and cut into manageable sizes for me to eat. Home was where my mother would get up early every morning to prepare me a healthy breakfast and a lunch for me to take to work so I didn’t have to worry about it. She also went to every single one of my treatments and doctor’s appointments. Mom also knitted me hats. Lots of them... when my hair left me. Home was where my father would give me gentle back rubs, followed by comforting hugs, when treatment was taking a toll on my body.
After awhile, I stopped feeling sorry for myself that I did not have a significant other by my side. I realized I had two. At an age where I was the one who should be worrying about their health, my parents were in constant fear of mine. Yet, somehow, their quiet and steady strength guided me through my treatments. I was able to keep it together because they were able to keep it together.
A year ago today, I found out I had cancer. A year later, here I am, in remission, knowing fully well that there is something even harder I will have to face eventually... the passing of my parents, my two significant others. I will forever be in awe of their unconditional love.
Thank you for reading. This is my first answer on Quora, having lurked for over a year.
我花了很多时间来思考这个问题。现在谁还想要我?作为一个女人，我失去了两个主要特征。首先，我的繁殖能力。第二，我曾经又长又美的头发。更别提我现在是一个“癌症病人”了。
我不得不胡思乱想，我可能会单身一辈子。
为了不让自己感觉太沮丧，我在整个治疗过程中尽我所能地工作。除了花几周的时间从手术中恢复，还有几天的时间在这里和那里休息，我还设法全职工作。
家是我可以停止假装一切都很好的地方。我可以放下假笑，可以随心所欲地暴躁和苛求，我的父母也会容忍。家是我躺在床上的地方，尽量不去关注“我不再拥有其他人拥有的那个功能”，我的父亲带着新鲜的水果进来了，他已经洗好了，去了皮，切成了我可以吃的大小。家是我妈妈每天早起为我准备健康的早餐和午餐，让我带着去上班的地方，这样我就不用担心了。她还参加了我的每一次治疗和医生预约。妈妈还给我织了帽子。当我的头发离开我的时候，我有很多帽子。在家里，当治疗对我的身体造成伤害时，父亲会温柔地按摩我的背部，然后安慰并拥抱我。
过了一段时间，我不再为身边没有另一半而感到难过。我意识到我有两个重要的人。在我这个年纪，我本应该担心他们的健康，我的父母一直却担心我的健康。然而，不知何故，它们安静而稳定的力量引导我完成了治疗。我之所以能够保持镇定，是因为他们能够保持镇定。
一年前的今天，我发现自己得了癌症。一年后，我在这里，病情有所缓解，但我清楚地知道，最终我将不得不面对一些更困难的事情……我的两个重要的人——父母的去世。我将对他们无条件的爱永远敬畏。
感谢你的阅读。这是我在Quora上潜伏了一年多的第一个答案。
I wanted to thank all of the Quora users who took the time to read, comment, and upvote this answer. I never expected such an overwhelming response and support for my first answer. I have noticed a few people who commented wanting an upxe, so I will happily oblige!
I am still in remission and remain cancer free. I get scanned and checked every 6 months and visit all of my doctors at a similar rate. They are all optimistic about my progress and prognosis. It is still frightening each time I lie there when I am getting scanned, however. With all cancer survivors, the all too familiar “what if it’s back” feeling is just something you never get used to.
My 2 significant others are doing well. My father struggles with some minor health issues here and there and isn’t the healthiest, but turning 70 years old this year, I still think he is better off than most his age. He goes swimming at the gym everyday. My mother is an avid ballroom dancer and has been (as a hobby) for the last 10 years or so. This has kept her in good shape and probably in better shape than I am. She keeps my father on his (tippy) toes. Now that I am in better health, have moved out, and no longer require them to worry (as much), they have taken the opportunity to remodel their house, travel, and overall just enjoying their well-deserved retirement.
The struggle continues to find my 3rd significant other though. While it isn’t something I absolutely need, that romantic connection with someone not related to you is not to be passed over either. Love really is a beautiful thing.
Over the last 3 years, I have tried to put myself out there more by putting up profiles on online dating sites, acquired a job that requires more social skills, entered a Master’s program part-time at a major university (completely paid for by my work), and tried to be open in meeting more people in general. Although I get impatient at times at this process, my experience with cancer has led me to develop a thicker skin and rejection no longer has such a crippling effect on me. I have also experienced heartbreak, and while probably one of the most painful things I’ve felt since my cancer diagnosis, I believe it was a good learning experience.
The quest continues and I am still hopeful that I can one day be on the giving end of that unconditional love I experienced from my first 2 significant others.
我想感谢所有花时间阅读、评论和点赞的Quora用户。我从来没有想到我的第一个答案会得到如此强烈的反响和支持。我注意到一些人评论说想要我更新答案，所以我很乐意帮忙！
我远离癌症，仍处于病情缓解期。我每6个月做一次扫描和检查，并以类似的频率去看我所有的医生。他们对我的病情和预后都很乐观。然而，每次我躺在那里接受扫描时，还是很害怕。对于所有癌症幸存者来说，那种再熟悉不过的“如果它又回来了怎么办”的感觉是你永远不会习惯的。
我的两个重要的人都做得很好。我父亲不时地与一些小健康问题作斗争，他不算最健康的，但今年70岁了，我仍然认为他比大多数同龄人过得更好，他每天都去健身房游泳。我母亲是一个狂热的交际舞爱好者，这种爱好在过去的10年一直持续着；这让她保持了良好的状态，可能比我的状态更好。她使我父亲时刻保持警惕。现在我身体好了，搬了出去，不再需要他们担心(那么多)，他们利用这个机会重新装修房子，旅行，总的来说，享受他们应得的退休生活。
尽管如此，我仍在努力寻找我的第三个重要的另一半。虽然这不是我绝对需要的，但与一个与你无关的人建立浪漫联系也不能被忽略，爱情真的是一件美好的事情。
在过去的3年里，我通过在网上交友网站上发布个人资料，获得了一份需要更多社交技能的工作，在一所主要大学攻读了兼职硕士课程(全部由我的工作支付)，并试着以开放的态度与更多的人见面。虽然在这个过程中我有时会感到不耐烦，但我患癌症的经历让我心胸变得更开阔，拒绝对我来说不再有那么严重的影响。我也经历过心碎，虽然这可能是我被诊断为癌症以来感受到的最痛苦的事情之一，但我相信这是一次很好的学习经历。
我的探索还在继续，我仍然希望有一天我能从我的前两个重要的人那里得到无条件的爱。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I am still in remission and remain cancer free. I get scanned and checked every 6 months and visit all of my doctors at a similar rate. They are all optimistic about my progress and prognosis. It is still frightening each time I lie there when I am getting scanned, however. With all cancer survivors, the all too familiar “what if it’s back” feeling is just something you never get used to.
My 2 significant others are doing well. My father struggles with some minor health issues here and there and isn’t the healthiest, but turning 70 years old this year, I still think he is better off than most his age. He goes swimming at the gym everyday. My mother is an avid ballroom dancer and has been (as a hobby) for the last 10 years or so. This has kept her in good shape and probably in better shape than I am. She keeps my father on his (tippy) toes. Now that I am in better health, have moved out, and no longer require them to worry (as much), they have taken the opportunity to remodel their house, travel, and overall just enjoying their well-deserved retirement.
The struggle continues to find my 3rd significant other though. While it isn’t something I absolutely need, that romantic connection with someone not related to you is not to be passed over either. Love really is a beautiful thing.
Over the last 3 years, I have tried to put myself out there more by putting up profiles on online dating sites, acquired a job that requires more social skills, entered a Master’s program part-time at a major university (completely paid for by my work), and tried to be open in meeting more people in general. Although I get impatient at times at this process, my experience with cancer has led me to develop a thicker skin and rejection no longer has such a crippling effect on me. I have also experienced heartbreak, and while probably one of the most painful things I’ve felt since my cancer diagnosis, I believe it was a good learning experience.
The quest continues and I am still hopeful that I can one day be on the giving end of that unconditional love I experienced from my first 2 significant others.
我想感谢所有花时间阅读、评论和点赞的Quora用户。我从来没有想到我的第一个答案会得到如此强烈的反响和支持。我注意到一些人评论说想要我更新答案，所以我很乐意帮忙！
我远离癌症，仍处于病情缓解期。我每6个月做一次扫描和检查，并以类似的频率去看我所有的医生。他们对我的病情和预后都很乐观。然而，每次我躺在那里接受扫描时，还是很害怕。对于所有癌症幸存者来说，那种再熟悉不过的“如果它又回来了怎么办”的感觉是你永远不会习惯的。
我的两个重要的人都做得很好。我父亲不时地与一些小健康问题作斗争，他不算最健康的，但今年70岁了，我仍然认为他比大多数同龄人过得更好，他每天都去健身房游泳。我母亲是一个狂热的交际舞爱好者，这种爱好在过去的10年一直持续着；这让她保持了良好的状态，可能比我的状态更好。她使我父亲时刻保持警惕。现在我身体好了，搬了出去，不再需要他们担心(那么多)，他们利用这个机会重新装修房子，旅行，总的来说，享受他们应得的退休生活。
尽管如此，我仍在努力寻找我的第三个重要的另一半。虽然这不是我绝对需要的，但与一个与你无关的人建立浪漫联系也不能被忽略，爱情真的是一件美好的事情。
在过去的3年里，我通过在网上交友网站上发布个人资料，获得了一份需要更多社交技能的工作，在一所主要大学攻读了兼职硕士课程(全部由我的工作支付)，并试着以开放的态度与更多的人见面。虽然在这个过程中我有时会感到不耐烦，但我患癌症的经历让我心胸变得更开阔，拒绝对我来说不再有那么严重的影响。我也经历过心碎，虽然这可能是我被诊断为癌症以来感受到的最痛苦的事情之一，但我相信这是一次很好的学习经历。
我的探索还在继续，我仍然希望有一天我能从我的前两个重要的人那里得到无条件的爱。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Piyush Goel
Saying No to her..
It was a Friend’s party, my crush walks in(we were best friends also), looking ravishing and mind boggling, never have i seen this sexy avatar of her. My heart skipped a few beats, obviously.
Result: My heartbeat elevated and sweat started oozing , i found it difficult to even hold a conversation up with her.
In middle of the party, sometime when my stats read normal, she got drunk, turned towards me, face to face, looked into my eyes and asked if she can kiss me…
WTF?????
Two little guy appear on my shoulder and started murmuring, I was stunned, i replayed the scene in my mind, just to be sure, she asked again ‘Can I ?’
My knees got weak, Hell yes, so much i wanted that to happen, i almost dreaded of the words coming out next of my mouth, with strange determination and heavy heart I Said No.
Exactly, I said no to the girl I've been dreaming about (What a moron, right?).
Stating that she is too drunk, and may not be taking it in good spirit once her sober state returns.She got saddened, tried pursuing me, but i was unmoved.
The Little guy on my shoulder (The one in red) took out the bazooka and shoot my head off.
PS: After revealing the same incident to her, the very next day, she scolded me and said i shouldn’t have declined the opportunity.
EDIT: Since everyone is asking this, The kiss never happened , Also it’s been almost 4 years to this incident, so no hopes now!!
对她说“不”。
那是一个朋友的聚会，我的暗恋对象走进来（我们也是最好的朋友），看起来很迷人，令人难以置信，我从来没有见过她这个性感的样子。很明显，我的心跳加快了几次。
结果:我的心跳加快，汗水开始渗出，我发现甚至很难和她说话。
在派对进行到一半的时候，当我的数据显示正常时，她喝醉了，转向我，面对面，看着我的眼睛，问她能不能吻我。
什么鬼
两个小家伙出现在我的肩膀上，开始喃喃自语，我惊呆了，我在脑海里重演了这一幕，只是为了确定，她又问了一遍“我可以吗?”
我的膝盖发软了，“当然可以，”我是如此渴望这样的事情发生，我几乎害怕从我嘴里说出的话，带着奇怪的决心和沉重的心情，我说“不”。
没错，我拒绝了我梦寐以求的女孩(真是个白痴，对吧?)
她说她喝得太多了，一旦她恢复清醒状态，可能就无法接受了。她很难过，试图继续，但我不为所动。
我肩上的小家伙(穿红衣服的那个)拿出火箭筒，把我的头打飞了。
PS：第二天，在向她还原事件过程后，她骂了我，说我不应该拒绝这个机会。
编辑：因为每个人都在问这个问题，那么（后续是）这个吻从来没有发生过，而且这件事已经过去四年了，所以现在没有希望了!
Saying No to her..
It was a Friend’s party, my crush walks in(we were best friends also), looking ravishing and mind boggling, never have i seen this sexy avatar of her. My heart skipped a few beats, obviously.
Result: My heartbeat elevated and sweat started oozing , i found it difficult to even hold a conversation up with her.
In middle of the party, sometime when my stats read normal, she got drunk, turned towards me, face to face, looked into my eyes and asked if she can kiss me…
WTF?????
Two little guy appear on my shoulder and started murmuring, I was stunned, i replayed the scene in my mind, just to be sure, she asked again ‘Can I ?’
My knees got weak, Hell yes, so much i wanted that to happen, i almost dreaded of the words coming out next of my mouth, with strange determination and heavy heart I Said No.
Exactly, I said no to the girl I've been dreaming about (What a moron, right?).
Stating that she is too drunk, and may not be taking it in good spirit once her sober state returns.She got saddened, tried pursuing me, but i was unmoved.
The Little guy on my shoulder (The one in red) took out the bazooka and shoot my head off.
PS: After revealing the same incident to her, the very next day, she scolded me and said i shouldn’t have declined the opportunity.
EDIT: Since everyone is asking this, The kiss never happened , Also it’s been almost 4 years to this incident, so no hopes now!!
对她说“不”。
那是一个朋友的聚会，我的暗恋对象走进来（我们也是最好的朋友），看起来很迷人，令人难以置信，我从来没有见过她这个性感的样子。很明显，我的心跳加快了几次。
结果:我的心跳加快，汗水开始渗出，我发现甚至很难和她说话。
在派对进行到一半的时候，当我的数据显示正常时，她喝醉了，转向我，面对面，看着我的眼睛，问她能不能吻我。
什么鬼
两个小家伙出现在我的肩膀上，开始喃喃自语，我惊呆了，我在脑海里重演了这一幕，只是为了确定，她又问了一遍“我可以吗?”
我的膝盖发软了，“当然可以，”我是如此渴望这样的事情发生，我几乎害怕从我嘴里说出的话，带着奇怪的决心和沉重的心情，我说“不”。
没错，我拒绝了我梦寐以求的女孩(真是个白痴，对吧?)
她说她喝得太多了，一旦她恢复清醒状态，可能就无法接受了。她很难过，试图继续，但我不为所动。
我肩上的小家伙(穿红衣服的那个)拿出火箭筒，把我的头打飞了。
PS：第二天，在向她还原事件过程后，她骂了我，说我不应该拒绝这个机会。
编辑：因为每个人都在问这个问题，那么（后续是）这个吻从来没有发生过，而且这件事已经过去四年了，所以现在没有希望了!
Anonymous
Identifying my brother's body. He was 17, I was 16.
On Friday it will have been exactly 8 years ago that he took his own life. I got up one morning to wake up my older brother for school, but he wasn't in his room. I looked outside and his car was gone too. It was a green two-door saturn with these ridiculous electric seatbelts that would slide into place automatically. He loved that crappy little car. We tried his cell phone and it rang, but he didn't pick up and we didn't hear it anywhere in the house.
My mother and I did not know what to do so we went to school to the counselor's office where we called the police and filed a missing persons report. I went to my classes that morning anyway because I thought school would distract me. Instead, I was filled with agony. My teachers were warned beforehand that I was having a "tough" morning. Worst of all was my third period English class where I got a call to come back to the counselor's office-- they had found his car parked by the Golden Gate Bridge and a tourist had found his cell phone simply lying on the ledge.
I honestly don't know what I did for the next two days other than that I didn't go to school. I don't remember; my memories of the next 43 hours is a mess. The next lucid moment I had was when they called us again. His body had washed up on the shore of Kirby Cove. A family camping there for Thanksgiving found him. His body was mottled different colors but mostly gray. His body was swollen and still looked contorted even though he was lying flat. He broke his neck in the fall and the currents of the bay had mangled his limbs.
I begged my mother to have him cremated and not buried in a casket. I still cry at the thought of my older brother packed away in a box (that is still how I think of coffins).
辨认我哥哥的尸体——他17岁，我16岁。
到星期五，他自杀已经是整整8年前了。一天早上，我起床叫醒哥哥去上学，但他没在房间里。我向外看去，他的车也不见了——是一辆绿色的双门土星（SATURN），带着这些可笑的电动安全带，可以自动滑动到位。他喜欢那辆破旧的小汽车。我们试着打他的手机，手机响了，但他没有接，我们在家里任何地方都没有听到。
我母亲和我不知道该怎么办，所以我们去了学校辅导员办公室，在那里我们报了警并提交了失踪人员报告。不管怎样，那天早上我去上课了，因为我觉得学校会分散我的注意力。相反，我充满了痛苦。我的老师们事先就被通知关于我今天早上会很“难熬”的事情。最糟糕的是我的第三节英语课，我接到一个电话，要我回到辅导员办公室——他们发现他的车停在金门大桥旁，一名游客发现他的手机就躺在桥架上。
老实说，我不知道接下来的两天我做了什么，我没有去上学。我不记得了；我对接下来43个小时的记忆一团糟。我的下一个清醒时刻是他们再次给我们打电话。他的尸体被冲到了柯比湾的岸边。一个在那里露营过感恩节的家庭发现了他。他的身体有各种颜色的斑点，但大部分是灰色的。他的身体肿胀，即使平躺着，看起来仍然扭曲。他摔断了脖子，海湾的水流也把他的四肢弄得血肉模糊。
我恳求母亲把他火化，而不是埋在棺材里。一想到哥哥被装进棺材，我就会哭(我对棺材的看法仍然是这样)。
Identifying my brother's body. He was 17, I was 16.
On Friday it will have been exactly 8 years ago that he took his own life. I got up one morning to wake up my older brother for school, but he wasn't in his room. I looked outside and his car was gone too. It was a green two-door saturn with these ridiculous electric seatbelts that would slide into place automatically. He loved that crappy little car. We tried his cell phone and it rang, but he didn't pick up and we didn't hear it anywhere in the house.
My mother and I did not know what to do so we went to school to the counselor's office where we called the police and filed a missing persons report. I went to my classes that morning anyway because I thought school would distract me. Instead, I was filled with agony. My teachers were warned beforehand that I was having a "tough" morning. Worst of all was my third period English class where I got a call to come back to the counselor's office-- they had found his car parked by the Golden Gate Bridge and a tourist had found his cell phone simply lying on the ledge.
I honestly don't know what I did for the next two days other than that I didn't go to school. I don't remember; my memories of the next 43 hours is a mess. The next lucid moment I had was when they called us again. His body had washed up on the shore of Kirby Cove. A family camping there for Thanksgiving found him. His body was mottled different colors but mostly gray. His body was swollen and still looked contorted even though he was lying flat. He broke his neck in the fall and the currents of the bay had mangled his limbs.
I begged my mother to have him cremated and not buried in a casket. I still cry at the thought of my older brother packed away in a box (that is still how I think of coffins).
辨认我哥哥的尸体——他17岁，我16岁。
到星期五，他自杀已经是整整8年前了。一天早上，我起床叫醒哥哥去上学，但他没在房间里。我向外看去，他的车也不见了——是一辆绿色的双门土星（SATURN），带着这些可笑的电动安全带，可以自动滑动到位。他喜欢那辆破旧的小汽车。我们试着打他的手机，手机响了，但他没有接，我们在家里任何地方都没有听到。
我母亲和我不知道该怎么办，所以我们去了学校辅导员办公室，在那里我们报了警并提交了失踪人员报告。不管怎样，那天早上我去上课了，因为我觉得学校会分散我的注意力。相反，我充满了痛苦。我的老师们事先就被通知关于我今天早上会很“难熬”的事情。最糟糕的是我的第三节英语课，我接到一个电话，要我回到辅导员办公室——他们发现他的车停在金门大桥旁，一名游客发现他的手机就躺在桥架上。
老实说，我不知道接下来的两天我做了什么，我没有去上学。我不记得了；我对接下来43个小时的记忆一团糟。我的下一个清醒时刻是他们再次给我们打电话。他的尸体被冲到了柯比湾的岸边。一个在那里露营过感恩节的家庭发现了他。他的身体有各种颜色的斑点，但大部分是灰色的。他的身体肿胀，即使平躺着，看起来仍然扭曲。他摔断了脖子，海湾的水流也把他的四肢弄得血肉模糊。
我恳求母亲把他火化，而不是埋在棺材里。一想到哥哥被装进棺材，我就会哭(我对棺材的看法仍然是这样)。
It's been 8 years but somehow I still have not been able to bring myself to go to the Golden Gate Bridge. If I have to go North, I ALWAYS drive around. I wish I was stronger. I miss you so so much. Every year on your birthday we manage to celebrate who you were and we toast to you and I feel stronger and then suddenly it's November and my heart breaks over and over again.
4 March 2017: Wow, I’m overwhelmed at the kind responses I’ve received to this answer. We had a really close brother/sister relationship and I want to thank you for all your warm sympathies. They feel genuine and I am so touched. I came back to this answer because it was my brother’s birthday two weeks ago— he would have been 29. It fell on a Saturday this year and my husband and I went to the Golden Gate Bridge.
We live in the Presidio and we love to stroll or ride our bikes in GG Park on weekends. That day, my husband looked at me and without saying a word, we both knew what we were about to do. We walked into Marin County, holding hands, and I just told my husband all the old stories I hadn’t talked about in forever— all the sentimental and goofy things we did as kids and teenagers: skipping class to get egg salad sandwiches from the deli, jumping off swings until I had the breath knocked out of me, the time I had the flu and he washed my hair for me, his propensity for gum which he would always grab out of my backpack, the way he used to prank me in high school by putting random things in my locker.
I did end up crying after we’d crossed the Bridge, but to be honest, only because all I had were good memories of him. I cried because I was so happy to have remembered all these beautiful things we shared as kids and teenagers. Walking across the Bridge earlier last month made me realize it’s more important to remember the good things than to be weighed down by the sad. Looking back now I realize that the difference between now and then, when my grieving process was the hardest, is that at the time I felt like through his death I had lost a huge part of myself; now I feel like I’ve taken a small piece of him with me to keep living, through me.
Thank you for reading.
8年过去了，但不知怎么的，我还是没能让自己去金门大桥。如果我必须去北方，我总是开车四处走走。我希望自己能更坚强。我太想你了。每年在你生日那天，我们都会给你庆祝，我们为你干杯，我感觉更坚强了，然后突然到了11月，我的心一次又一次地碎了。
2017年3月4日：哇，我被收到的这些善意的回应感动了。我们的兄弟姐妹关系非常亲密，我要感谢你们所有热情的慰问。他们感觉很真诚，我很感动。我之所以写出这个回答，是因为两周前是我哥哥的生日——他应该29岁了。今年的一个星期六，我和丈夫去了金门大桥。
我们住在普雷西迪奥，周末喜欢在GG公园散步或骑自行车。那天，我丈夫看着我，二话不说，我们都知道我们要做什么。我们手牵着手走进马林县，我给我丈夫讲了所有我很久没说过的老故事——所有我们小时候和十几岁时做过的伤感和愚蠢的事情:：逃课去熟食店买鸡蛋沙拉三明治，跳秋千直到我喘不过气来，有一次我得了流感，他给我洗了头发，他喜欢从我的背包里拿口香糖，高中时他经常恶作剧，把随机性的东西放进我的储物柜里。
我们过桥后，我确实哭了，但说实话，那只是因为我对他只有美好的回忆。我哭了，因为我很高兴能想起我们小时候和十几岁时分享的所有美好的东西。上个月早些时候走过这座桥让我意识到，记住美好的事情比被悲伤压垮更重要。现在回想起来，我意识到现在和当时的不同，当时我的悲伤过程是最艰难的，当时我觉得他的去世，让失去了自己的很大一部分；我觉得我带走了他的一小部分，通过我来继续生活。
感谢你的阅读。
4 March 2017: Wow, I’m overwhelmed at the kind responses I’ve received to this answer. We had a really close brother/sister relationship and I want to thank you for all your warm sympathies. They feel genuine and I am so touched. I came back to this answer because it was my brother’s birthday two weeks ago— he would have been 29. It fell on a Saturday this year and my husband and I went to the Golden Gate Bridge.
We live in the Presidio and we love to stroll or ride our bikes in GG Park on weekends. That day, my husband looked at me and without saying a word, we both knew what we were about to do. We walked into Marin County, holding hands, and I just told my husband all the old stories I hadn’t talked about in forever— all the sentimental and goofy things we did as kids and teenagers: skipping class to get egg salad sandwiches from the deli, jumping off swings until I had the breath knocked out of me, the time I had the flu and he washed my hair for me, his propensity for gum which he would always grab out of my backpack, the way he used to prank me in high school by putting random things in my locker.
I did end up crying after we’d crossed the Bridge, but to be honest, only because all I had were good memories of him. I cried because I was so happy to have remembered all these beautiful things we shared as kids and teenagers. Walking across the Bridge earlier last month made me realize it’s more important to remember the good things than to be weighed down by the sad. Looking back now I realize that the difference between now and then, when my grieving process was the hardest, is that at the time I felt like through his death I had lost a huge part of myself; now I feel like I’ve taken a small piece of him with me to keep living, through me.
Thank you for reading.
8年过去了，但不知怎么的，我还是没能让自己去金门大桥。如果我必须去北方，我总是开车四处走走。我希望自己能更坚强。我太想你了。每年在你生日那天，我们都会给你庆祝，我们为你干杯，我感觉更坚强了，然后突然到了11月，我的心一次又一次地碎了。
2017年3月4日：哇，我被收到的这些善意的回应感动了。我们的兄弟姐妹关系非常亲密，我要感谢你们所有热情的慰问。他们感觉很真诚，我很感动。我之所以写出这个回答，是因为两周前是我哥哥的生日——他应该29岁了。今年的一个星期六，我和丈夫去了金门大桥。
我们住在普雷西迪奥，周末喜欢在GG公园散步或骑自行车。那天，我丈夫看着我，二话不说，我们都知道我们要做什么。我们手牵着手走进马林县，我给我丈夫讲了所有我很久没说过的老故事——所有我们小时候和十几岁时做过的伤感和愚蠢的事情:：逃课去熟食店买鸡蛋沙拉三明治，跳秋千直到我喘不过气来，有一次我得了流感，他给我洗了头发，他喜欢从我的背包里拿口香糖，高中时他经常恶作剧，把随机性的东西放进我的储物柜里。
我们过桥后，我确实哭了，但说实话，那只是因为我对他只有美好的回忆。我哭了，因为我很高兴能想起我们小时候和十几岁时分享的所有美好的东西。上个月早些时候走过这座桥让我意识到，记住美好的事情比被悲伤压垮更重要。现在回想起来，我意识到现在和当时的不同，当时我的悲伤过程是最艰难的，当时我觉得他的去世，让失去了自己的很大一部分；我觉得我带走了他的一小部分，通过我来继续生活。
感谢你的阅读。
Kathy Hurst Davis
Telling my 11 year old son that I had cancer.
This was the hardest thing ever. After that, here are some more:
Personally:
A month later telling him that I had a different cancer.
Six years later, telling him that it was back.
Standing with my cousin as she was forced to take her son off life support after a motorcycle wreck at the age of 14. Helping her decide to have him be an organ donor.
One year later, talking to my son in Iraq, right after his father-in-law was injured in a car wreck. Going outside into the hallway to be alone while my son asked me to tell him the truth. I had to tell him that his father-in-law would not live but that they had not told my daughter-in-law this, yet. The doctors wanted to get her husband (my son) back from Iraq to be with her.
Listening to the pain and anguish as my son cried over the phone at the loss of the only real dad he had ever known.
Picking my son up at the airport a few days later.
Standing in the room with my son and his wife, who I couldn't love more if she was my own daughter, to support them while they removed her father from life support.
Taking care of my mother when she had dementia.
Holding my mother as she died.
告诉我11岁的儿子我得了癌症。
这是有史以来最艰难的事情。在那之后，这里有更多:
就我个人而言：
一个月后告诉他我得了另一种癌症。
六年后，告诉他癌症回来了。
14岁时，我的堂姐在摩托车失事后被迫让儿子拔掉生命维持系统。帮她决定让他做器官捐献者。
一年后，就在我儿子的岳父在一场车祸中受伤后，我和在伊拉克的他谈话。当我儿子让我告诉他真相时，我走到外面的走廊里独自一人。我不得不告诉他，他的岳父活不下去了，但他们还没有把这件事告诉我儿媳。医生想让她的丈夫(我的儿子)从伊拉克回来陪她。
听着儿子在电话里悲痛欲绝地哭泣，因为他失去了自己唯一真正的父亲。
几天后去机场接我儿子。
和我的儿子和他的妻子站在房间里，如果她是我自己的女儿，我再爱她不过了，当他们把她父亲的生命维持设备移走时，我支持他们。
我曾在我母亲患痴呆时照顾她。
抱着我母亲，看着她死去。
Telling my 11 year old son that I had cancer.
This was the hardest thing ever. After that, here are some more:
Personally:
A month later telling him that I had a different cancer.
Six years later, telling him that it was back.
Standing with my cousin as she was forced to take her son off life support after a motorcycle wreck at the age of 14. Helping her decide to have him be an organ donor.
One year later, talking to my son in Iraq, right after his father-in-law was injured in a car wreck. Going outside into the hallway to be alone while my son asked me to tell him the truth. I had to tell him that his father-in-law would not live but that they had not told my daughter-in-law this, yet. The doctors wanted to get her husband (my son) back from Iraq to be with her.
Listening to the pain and anguish as my son cried over the phone at the loss of the only real dad he had ever known.
Picking my son up at the airport a few days later.
Standing in the room with my son and his wife, who I couldn't love more if she was my own daughter, to support them while they removed her father from life support.
Taking care of my mother when she had dementia.
Holding my mother as she died.
告诉我11岁的儿子我得了癌症。
这是有史以来最艰难的事情。在那之后，这里有更多:
就我个人而言：
一个月后告诉他我得了另一种癌症。
六年后，告诉他癌症回来了。
14岁时，我的堂姐在摩托车失事后被迫让儿子拔掉生命维持系统。帮她决定让他做器官捐献者。
一年后，就在我儿子的岳父在一场车祸中受伤后，我和在伊拉克的他谈话。当我儿子让我告诉他真相时，我走到外面的走廊里独自一人。我不得不告诉他，他的岳父活不下去了，但他们还没有把这件事告诉我儿媳。医生想让她的丈夫(我的儿子)从伊拉克回来陪她。
听着儿子在电话里悲痛欲绝地哭泣，因为他失去了自己唯一真正的父亲。
几天后去机场接我儿子。
和我的儿子和他的妻子站在房间里，如果她是我自己的女儿，我再爱她不过了，当他们把她父亲的生命维持设备移走时，我支持他们。
我曾在我母亲患痴呆时照顾她。
抱着我母亲，看着她死去。
Professionally:
Working in the ER one night when they brought in a young man who fell asleep and drove into the back of a truck. At that time, everyone in a wreck was brought to the ER to be pronounced. This young man didn't have a scratch anywhere except for his head. There was nothing left of his head except the back of his skull and one ear. I had to stop his father from running into the room to see him. He spoke another language. I had to explain through an interpreter. I had to prepare this man that he would not be able to see his son's face. I then went back into the room and arranged a towel over the head and brought the father in to say his last goodbye.
Working in OB, meeting a friend who was pregnant with twins as she got off the elevator right after finding out that one of the babies was dead.
Taking care of another friend from high school who lost her baby. Cleaning up her beautiful stillborn son, dressing him, and taking him to her and her husband to both meet and say goodbye. (I got in tons of trouble. This was 28 years ago, and things were much different. I broke all kinds of rules that were in place at that time. I have no regrets.)
职业方面：
在急诊室工作的某天晚上，他们送来了一个睡着的年轻人，他开车撞上了一辆卡车的后部。当时，所有遇难者都被带到急诊室接受治疗。这个年轻人除了头，什么地方都没有被刮伤。除了后脑勺和一只耳朵，他的头上什么都没有了。我不得不阻止他父亲跑进房间看他。他说另一种语言。我不得不通过翻译进行解释。我不得不让这个人做好准备，让他看不到儿子的脸。然后我回到房间，在其头上盖了一条毛巾，把父亲带了进来——向他做最后的告别。
在产科工作，去见一个怀着双胞胎的朋友，当她发现其中一个婴儿死亡后马上下了电梯。
照顾另一个失去孩子的高中朋友。给她漂亮的死胎儿子清洗干净，给他穿好衣服，然后带他去见她和她的丈夫，和他们道别。（我遇到了很多麻烦。这是28年前的事了，当时的情况大不相同。我违反过当时所有的规定，但我不后悔。）
Working in the ER one night when they brought in a young man who fell asleep and drove into the back of a truck. At that time, everyone in a wreck was brought to the ER to be pronounced. This young man didn't have a scratch anywhere except for his head. There was nothing left of his head except the back of his skull and one ear. I had to stop his father from running into the room to see him. He spoke another language. I had to explain through an interpreter. I had to prepare this man that he would not be able to see his son's face. I then went back into the room and arranged a towel over the head and brought the father in to say his last goodbye.
Working in OB, meeting a friend who was pregnant with twins as she got off the elevator right after finding out that one of the babies was dead.
Taking care of another friend from high school who lost her baby. Cleaning up her beautiful stillborn son, dressing him, and taking him to her and her husband to both meet and say goodbye. (I got in tons of trouble. This was 28 years ago, and things were much different. I broke all kinds of rules that were in place at that time. I have no regrets.)
职业方面：
在急诊室工作的某天晚上，他们送来了一个睡着的年轻人，他开车撞上了一辆卡车的后部。当时，所有遇难者都被带到急诊室接受治疗。这个年轻人除了头，什么地方都没有被刮伤。除了后脑勺和一只耳朵，他的头上什么都没有了。我不得不阻止他父亲跑进房间看他。他说另一种语言。我不得不通过翻译进行解释。我不得不让这个人做好准备，让他看不到儿子的脸。然后我回到房间，在其头上盖了一条毛巾，把父亲带了进来——向他做最后的告别。
在产科工作，去见一个怀着双胞胎的朋友，当她发现其中一个婴儿死亡后马上下了电梯。
照顾另一个失去孩子的高中朋友。给她漂亮的死胎儿子清洗干净，给他穿好衣服，然后带他去见她和她的丈夫，和他们道别。（我遇到了很多麻烦。这是28年前的事了，当时的情况大不相同。我违反过当时所有的规定，但我不后悔。）
Anonymous
When I was 5 months into my first pregnancy we found out that the baby had such an extreme case of genital deformation that there would never be a chance of having a sexual life; in fact the deformations were so severe that they couldn't even confirm the gender. The baby had a non-functioning bladder fused on the outside of the stomach, which would mean that a catheter would have to be used to urinate. Internal sexual organs were affected as well. My husband and I spent 2 weeks meeting with specialists to confirm the diagnosis and listen to various life options and best/worst case scenarios. It looked very bleak to us as most people with this specific condition commit suicide or attempt to commit suicide when they are in their teens or later in life. Just meeting with the doctors was difficult because you had to ask a lot of hard questions and try not to cry as you heard the answers. And of course we kept wanting to hear that the condition wasn't so bad after all, but that didn't happen.
My husband and I did not want to put a person through an entire life of psychological pain and torment. We don't think that as parents you can "love the pain away". We made the decision to end the pregnancy and I had an abortion. It was very difficult to have to tell the doctor to end your baby's life. We do not regret our decision.
I'm sharing this story because I know there are other people out there who have to make hard decisions like this. I am thankful that I live in a country where I am able to make that choice.
当我第一次怀孕5个月时，我们发现孩子的生殖器畸形非常严重，以至于永远没有机会过性生活；事实上，畸形非常严重，他们甚至无法确认性别。婴儿的胃外侧有一个膀胱无法正常工作，这意味着必须使用导管排尿。内脏性器官也受到影响。我和丈夫花了两周时间与专家会面，以确认诊断结果，并听取各种关于生活选择和最佳/最坏情况。在我们看来，这非常令人沮丧，因为大多数患有这种特殊疾病的人在十几岁或以后的生活中都会自杀或试图自杀。光是和医生见面就很困难，因为你必须问很多棘手的问题，而且在听到答案时尽量不要哭。当然，我们一直希望听到“情况并没有那么糟糕”的回复，但这并没有发生。
我丈夫和我不想让一个人的一生都经历心理上的痛苦和折磨。我们认为作为父母，不可以“用爱来消除痛苦”。我们决定终止妊娠，我堕胎了。不得不告诉医生“结束孩子的生命”这个决定是非常困难的，我们不后悔我们的决定。
我之所以分享这个故事，是因为我知道还有其他人必须做出这样的艰难决定。我很感激我生活在一个我能够做出选择的国家。
When I was 5 months into my first pregnancy we found out that the baby had such an extreme case of genital deformation that there would never be a chance of having a sexual life; in fact the deformations were so severe that they couldn't even confirm the gender. The baby had a non-functioning bladder fused on the outside of the stomach, which would mean that a catheter would have to be used to urinate. Internal sexual organs were affected as well. My husband and I spent 2 weeks meeting with specialists to confirm the diagnosis and listen to various life options and best/worst case scenarios. It looked very bleak to us as most people with this specific condition commit suicide or attempt to commit suicide when they are in their teens or later in life. Just meeting with the doctors was difficult because you had to ask a lot of hard questions and try not to cry as you heard the answers. And of course we kept wanting to hear that the condition wasn't so bad after all, but that didn't happen.
My husband and I did not want to put a person through an entire life of psychological pain and torment. We don't think that as parents you can "love the pain away". We made the decision to end the pregnancy and I had an abortion. It was very difficult to have to tell the doctor to end your baby's life. We do not regret our decision.
I'm sharing this story because I know there are other people out there who have to make hard decisions like this. I am thankful that I live in a country where I am able to make that choice.
当我第一次怀孕5个月时，我们发现孩子的生殖器畸形非常严重，以至于永远没有机会过性生活；事实上，畸形非常严重，他们甚至无法确认性别。婴儿的胃外侧有一个膀胱无法正常工作，这意味着必须使用导管排尿。内脏性器官也受到影响。我和丈夫花了两周时间与专家会面，以确认诊断结果，并听取各种关于生活选择和最佳/最坏情况。在我们看来，这非常令人沮丧，因为大多数患有这种特殊疾病的人在十几岁或以后的生活中都会自杀或试图自杀。光是和医生见面就很困难，因为你必须问很多棘手的问题，而且在听到答案时尽量不要哭。当然，我们一直希望听到“情况并没有那么糟糕”的回复，但这并没有发生。
我丈夫和我不想让一个人的一生都经历心理上的痛苦和折磨。我们认为作为父母，不可以“用爱来消除痛苦”。我们决定终止妊娠，我堕胎了。不得不告诉医生“结束孩子的生命”这个决定是非常困难的，我们不后悔我们的决定。
我之所以分享这个故事，是因为我知道还有其他人必须做出这样的艰难决定。我很感激我生活在一个我能够做出选择的国家。
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