醉驾撞了警察怎么办?匿名网友神级操作化解危机
2021-02-04 Kira_Yoshikage 21467
正文翻译


分享一件你干过的最弱智的事。我先来。
>我
>23天前
>喝成傻逼,开车闯了个红灯,以他妈20英里的时速撞上一辆警车
>车没坏得太厉害
>人喝多了已经吓傻了
>想不出别的借口,趁条子还没过来掏出我兜里的刀捅了自己一刀
>把刀藏在储物盒里
>说“警官我被人捅了”
>条子开车把我送到最近的医院
MLGBD 危 险 解 除

评论翻译
The12thWarrior
Tests in hospital will 100% detect the alcohol. Police will probably want some more details about the stabbing once he gets better. I can't see how this could possibly work...

医院里的测试100%能检测出酒精。等到他恢复一些,警察可能会来咨询更多消息。我想不通这怎么会让他逃过去……

YesImaBanker
"I was drunk waiting around my car for an uber, someone in all black clothes and a mask held me at knife point and demanded my wallet. when I reached for it they stabbed me then ran away. I didnt get a good look at them. I got in my car to drive to the hospital and in my confusion I must have been going the wrong way."

我喝醉了,所以我在自己的车旁边等uber,于是有个穿一身黑戴头套的人拿刀指着我,并且要我的钱包。我伸手掏钱包的时候他捅了我一刀,然后跑了。我没看清那个人长什么样。我上了我的车,开车去医院,因为喝迷糊了我可能开错路了。

idk maybe a really good lawyer could work some magic out of that.

我不知道,可能找个牛逼的律师就能把这一套话说通吧。

MeerBesen565
They need to proof you guilty. No one thinks retarded enough to expect you stabbed yourself...

证明你有罪是他们的责任。没人会智障到觉得是你自己捅了自己一刀。

GreatGrandaddyPurp
Your honor, I'd like to present exhibit B. These are known as greentexts... is that correct, Anon?"

“法官大人,请允许我展示一下证物B。这些文字又被称为‘4chan梗图’……我说的对吧,匿名先生?”
原创翻译:龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


MeerBesen565
No comment.

无可奉告。

Romeo9594
The hospital won't run a BAC test unless asked. Unless you also think they do a UA with every set of stitches. So unless the cop asks as part of an investigation, odds are good of no alcohol test

除非特别要求,否则医院不会做血液酒精浓度测试的。他们也不会拿每种试剂给你尿检一遍。所以除非警察要求配合调查,不进行酒精检测的概率更大。

Tell the cops you don't remember and want to put it behind you. Let them run down their zero leads while you crack open a beer and laugh

告诉警察你记不得了,并且不想再提这件事。让他们找不到线索,你开瓶啤酒好好乐呵乐呵。

PeetsYeet
You're under no obligation to say anything to the police

你没有义务对警方说任何事。

Smustangg
"No officer it's true, he threw the knife at me, vanished and so did the blade"

“不,警官,是真的,他往我身上扔了把刀,然后人没了刀也没了。”
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Hidden2266
Who stabs a guy and leaves the knife in or stays around after stabbing someone

哪个捅人的会捅完人不拔刀子,还在他身边到处晃悠啊。

Omaha_Beach
You get stabbed, run off, being the retard that you are you pull it out when driving away. Crisis averted

你被捅了一刀,跑了,因为你是个傻逼所以在跑的路上把刀拔了。危机解除

m0nk37
My guy, the dude stabbing you isnt gonna leave it there unless it slipped. Hes gonna try to stab you again at the very least.

哥们,捅你的那个人可不会就把刀插在那,除非他是手滑。他最起码肯定会再捅你一刀。
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aspy1990
Can confirm, I was stabbed twice and he most definitely didn't leave the knife in my body. He took it and ran, didn't even get my wallet or phone...

我能证实,我被捅过两刀,他很显然没把刀插在我的身体里。他拿了刀就跑了,我的手机和钱包都没拿。

ironically if I had given him my wallet and phone I would have avoided being stabbed all together. Moral of the story dont walk through a bad neighborhood at night where your the only white person for miles.

讽刺的是假如我把钱包和手机交给他我就不会被捅了。这个故事教给我们假如你是方圆几里以内唯一一个白人,不要在治安不好的小区走夜路。

raspy1990
To be fair I wasn't even sure of what happened for like 10 seconds. It didn't hurt at all at first and I thought it was weird he just punched me twice in the torso and ran. Then I felt the blood, then it started to hurt, then I started to freak the fuck out lol. It was an experience for sure

说真的我有那么大概10秒钟都不知道发生了什么。一开始一点都不疼,我还觉得他往我身上打了两拳就跑了也太怪了。然后我摸到了血,然后我才开始疼,然后我他妈差点要吓死了哈哈哈哈。但确实是一段独特的经历。

cr0ss-r0ad
It's wild how it doesn't hurt at first. I've two knife wounds from separate occasions and both times I was convinced I was just punched until someone with me points out the blood

一般人绝对想不到一开始真的一点也不疼。我身上前后总共被捅过两次,两次我都以为自己是被人打了一拳,直到有人指出我在流血我才反应过来。

raspy1990
Yup I got jumped and stabbed in highschool at a party and had no clue until some girl pointed it out probably didn't help I was intoxicated. I was convinced someone had poured a beer on me(it was in the backyard at night so I didn't see the red).

没错,我高中的时候被人捅过一刀,当时我什么都不知道,直到有个女生指出来我才发现,但我也没当回事,我当时都喝醉了。我以为是有人往我身上泼了啤酒(当时是晚上,在后院,所以我看不见红色)。
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Once I knew then it fuckinf hurt, especially when this dumbass drunk chick poured vodka all over it to sterilize it lol. Glad to say I no longer live in low poverty high violent crime areas at this point, my teens and early 20s were a wild time. Gotta love oakland

我发现之后疼劲儿才上来,而且那个没脑子的傻娘们儿还往我的伤口上倒伏特加防止感染,哈哈哈哈。不得不说现在能从那个又贫困暴力犯罪率又高的地方搬出来真是万幸,我的青少年时期和20岁前几年太野了。我爱奥克兰

cr0ss-r0ad
Haha one of mine was a drunken affair as well. The guy kept grabbing the girls in our group so I squared up and the fucker put a knife in my side, it was pissing rain so I didn't even feel the blood until someone in the queue for chips let me know

哈哈哈我有一刀也是醉了之后挨的。有个男的一直在我们那搂女孩子,我就站出来了,那个傻逼往我身上捅了一刀,当时雨下得特别大,我甚至没感觉到身上有血,直到有个排队拿薯片的哥们指出来我才发现。

Thrader
His hospital bill will be larger than the fine . . .

但他的医院账单会比罚单还贵啊……

Obamas_iPhone
Assuming you have health insurance, this would be way cheaper than catching a DUI.

假如你有医保,这可比犯醉驾的代价小多了。

And a DUI can be a show stopper in some careers.

并且醉驾记录对于某些职业来说可能就是生涯的终结了。

Edit: looks like Canada laxed their DUI visitor restrictions, but still, having a crime on your record will bite you in the ass in ways you don’t foresee.

编辑:好像加拿大放松了他们对醉驾者入境的管制力度,但无论如何,档案上有过犯罪记录的话,会在你遇见不到的地方给你添堵的。

Edit2: I was wrong. a DUI can still prohibit you from entry

编辑2:我错了。犯过一次醉驾的话你仍然会无法入境。

chairmanmeoww1
It's actually even worse... With the stiffer penalties adopted by the criminal code of Canada it even bars visitors further by elevating DUI to serious criminality under the immigration and refugee protection act

真实情况甚至更糟糕……随着加拿大把刑法中的刑罚盖得更加严苛,在移民与难民保护法案中修把醉驾提升至严重犯罪,触犯的永久居民会被彻底禁止入境。

wingdealing
Damn. What is the punishment for DUI in Canada? In the US it varies by state, but the norm is something like class A misdemeanor, lose your license for a while, probation and/or drug testing for a while, a few thousand in fees. By a while, I mean like 90 days to a year. Again, varies

妈的。醉驾在加拿大的惩罚是什么?在美国各州之间不同,但基本上就是一级轻罪,驾照没收一阵子,缓刑和/或药物测试,再罚几千块钱。没收的一阵子是90天到一年不等。但还是那句话,各州之间不同。

DISKFIGHTER2
In Canada a DUI is called a hybrid offense. We have summary (misdemeanor) offence and indictable (felony) offense. A hybrid offense is one which could be either summary or indictable depending on the case. For the purposed of entering the country, any indictable offenses make you ineligible to enter the country. Hybrid offenses (thus DUI) are considered as indictable offences for the purpose of entering the country.

在加拿大,醉驾算是“混合犯罪”。我们有轻罪和重罪。混合犯罪就是看情况可以是轻罪也可以是重罪的定罪方式。关于入境,任何定为重罪的犯罪都会把你禁止入境。在考虑到入境问题时,混合犯罪(也就是醉驾)一律视为重罪。

I think you can apply for an exception to allow you in even though you have a DUI but I'm unsure of the process and if there are further limits placed on you if you enter the country under these terms

我想或许你可以申请特例让你在有醉驾纪录的情况下入境,但我不太确定流程,而且就算你能入境,也会受到各种各样的限制。

Disorderjunkie
drinking and driving is considered a pretty heinous crime in Canada. So they treat you the same as if you were a felon for drugs/assault/theft/resisting arrest.

醉驾在加拿大算是非常严重的罪行了。你会和犯过吸毒,盗窃,侵犯他人身体,拘捕等罪的人受到一样的待遇。

You can get up to 10 years in prison for DUI in Canada(obviously this would only happen if you racked up many DUIs). It is seen as a very serious crime there. But they somewhat have sentencing guidelines like they do in USA, and there are many mitigating factors that determine the length you’ll be held. Just pulled over for DUI? Maybe just a few thousands dollars, license suspension, few days in jail. Kill someone/destroy property while drinking and driving? That’s when things get interesting and you’ll see serious sentences being brought upon people.

在加拿大你最多会因为醉驾被判10年(当然这只有在你醉驾非常多次的情况下才会发生)。在那里这算是非常严重的罪。但他们也有像美国那样的量刑指导,并且有很多因素会决定你最终被关多久。如果你只是因为醉驾而被交警勒令停车,那可能就只是罚几千块,吊销驾照,蹲几天号子。在醉酒的状态下毁坏他人财产/撞死了人?那事情就大了,会判很重的刑。

But in general the punishment is similar to US.

但总地来说量刑和美国差不多。

JShabs
Ha my ass just depends on who you are. Know so many friends of mine who got away with drinking and driving (woman) and deal with less issues then a speeding ticket I received. Apparently going fast is much worst then driving drunk.

哈哈我觉得跟你是什么人也有关系。我认识太多朋友(女的)喝酒之后开车,结果被罚的次数还没有我超速收到过的罚单多。显然超速比醉驾严重太多了。

Disorderjunkie
Ya of course all this stuff completely depends on how drunk you are, the mood of the cop, the judge, the prosecutors. Million variables.

没错当然这些都完全取决于你当时喝了多醉,以及警察,法官,公诉人当时心情怎么样。太多因素了。

akhoe
I am a year sober and about to re enter college to finish out my degree. I have a dui on my record (thankfully no one was hurt). Which careers will I be unable to enter? Serious Q. I was going to study accounting, but I'm not sure that's a possibility with that record

我现在戒了一年的酒,打算回到大学完成我的学位。我的案底有醉驾记录(谢天谢地没撞到人)。我以后有哪些行业会无法从事?认真的。我要学会计,但我不太确定以后相关专业要不要我。
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wingdealing
I can only speak to my field, but a DUI can hurt your chances of getting a Secret or Top Secret security clearance that is required by a lot of STEM jobs working for or contracting with the federal government. There are other fields that require clearances (military, federal attorneys, there are a lot more). Beyond federal security clearances, lots of jobs ask about criminal history, even misdemeanors.

我只能就我自己的领域谈一谈,醉驾记录会给你在找机密或最高机密相关的工作时添麻烦,而很多基础科学方面的工作由于要和联邦政府签合同,所以会有这方面的要求。也有其他领域会要求你有权接触机密(军方,联邦律师,还有很多)。除了联邦机密权限,很多职位也会查询你的案底,甚至轻罪也算。

Do your research. Maybe look at eligibility requirements for some of the jobs you want. I bet it won’t be a dealbreaker in accounting.

自己去调查一下。在某些你想申请的工作那里看看条件。我觉得至少在会计这行应该不会不要你。

Cheetokps
A lot of peoples careers would be over if they got a dui

很多人的职业生涯可能会因为一次醉驾而完蛋。

MauiWowieOwie
Also the blood tests will show the alcohol, so you end up with a dui and a massive hospital bill.

而且去医院的话,血常规也会检测出酒精,所以你最后还是会又要交住院费又要交酒驾罚单。

Beneficial_Fly_2632
The fine? You mean the lawyer and court fees and the DUI on your record? I guarantee the hospital bill is less than all that

罚金?你指的是律师费,出庭费用和案底上的醉驾记录?我保证医院的账单要比这一切便宜得多。

HeinzGGuderian
I’d take a monetary loss over jail time + dui on record.

我宁愿花笔钱也不想蹲监狱再加上醉驾历史。

I did 120 days for a DUI in an “Adult Detention Center” (county jail) when I was 19. It was expunged from my record when I turned 27 since I was a minor when I got it. I’ll never get those days back.

我19岁那年在“成年拘留中心”(郡监狱)因为醉驾蹲了120天。我直到27岁那年才把犯罪记录从案底里抹掉。但这段时光永远回不来了。

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