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Anonymous
I honestly don’t know. Sometimes I’m so happy that nothing can bring me down. Then again, there are times where I really just wanna cry and die. Quite often, to be honest, do I feel that way.
It’s kind of weird because I think I’m just telling myself that I’m happy because I want to be. Even on the days where I tell myself I’m happy, I still feel this emptiness in my chest or just in general. Even when I’m at lunch with my friends, I don’t even wanna talk to them, I just wanna cry or zone out Why am I swimming in such an immense amount of blueness? I feel like I’m drowning. It’s almost like time is passing by all around me but I’m still here, in the same place. And there’s no way out, not that I even wanna get out. I wanna keep falling, but I keep pushing up because what else can I do? It feels sort of suffocating and inescapable like actual drowning. I hate it but I’m stuck, or at least that’s how it feels. The only thing that keeps me going is listening to music to be honest.
Perhaps I just don’t want to admit that I struggle too, but I don’t know. I feel as if I’m lacking so many things in my life but at the same time, I live in such a nice neighborhood and I am able to buy or be gifted almost everything I want.
I’m also only a freshman in high school, and haven’t been alive long enough to truly experience hardships as the adults around me say. I shouldn’t be unhappy, right? But the thing is, I’m not where I want to be appearance nor intelligence wise. I don’t have enough friends and don’t talk enough in general and I just feel really alone. Why couldn't I have been born being a tall and thin girl with a beautiful face? Instead, I’m a 5’0” girl who has a flat chest and ass. Nothing ever looks good on me, and I wish I was super skinny, but I guess being a healthy weight is more important…If only I were more smart, I wouldn’t have to try twice as hard as everyone to even get results even remotely close to their’s… All the girls in my school go out every week and I go out once every few months. A reoccurring thought in my mind is “I’m happy but…”
I understand that for humans, nothing is never enough, and that we always want more than we have, so maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s why I feel so numb?? I don’t know, though. It’s like whenever I’m happy, it’s always temporary. For example, today I went to the mall with two of my friends and had a great time blowing our debit cards, I was really enjoying everything, but now I’m back and just here, living life tolerably. You know, I wonder how long the beautiful things in world will stay… Will the beautiful leaves we get during autumn always stay as pretty? What about the bright and gorgeous flowers that bloom in spring? Do people always stay feeling glum? Will those who say they are happy remain happy? Of course, everything is just temporary.

我也不知道。我有时候开心,感觉这个世界上没有什么事是能让我沮丧的，但有时候又难过的想死。说实话，我经常会有这样的感觉。
这有点奇怪，因为我觉得我之所以会感觉很快乐，是因为我在告诉我自己，我想要快乐，所以我现在必须要开心起来。即使在那些我告诉自己要快乐的日子里，我依然会感觉内心很空虚，即使我是在和朋友们一起吃午饭，我也不想跟他们说话，我只想哭或者是沉浸在自己的世界里。为什么我会被淹没在如此巨大的悲伤之河中？我感觉我自己快被淹死了。我能感觉我身边的时间在不断的流逝，但是我却还在原地踏步。即使我在努力的走出去，但是这里没有任何出路。虽然我一直在不断的摔倒，但是我还在不断的爬起来，因为除此之外，我还能做什么呢？这种感觉就像真正的溺水一样，让人窒息，无法逃避。虽然我很讨厌它，但是我被困住了，至少我是这样感觉的。说实话，唯一能让我坚持下去的就是听音乐了。
也许我只是不想承认自己也在努力的挣扎中，但谁知道呢？我现在住在这么好的社区里，我几乎可以买到或得到任何我想要的东西。但我还是觉得自己的生命中缺少很多东西。
我现在还只是一个高一新生，还没有像我周围成年人那样真正的经历艰辛。所以，我不应该感到不开心，对吧？但问题是，我并不喜欢我现在的样子，不管是外表还是智商，我都不喜欢。总的来说，我并没有足够多的朋友，也没有足够优雅的谈吐，我觉得自己非常孤独。为什么我一出生就不能是一个又高又瘦、长得又漂亮的女孩呢？相反，我只是一个胸和屁股都很平坦的，身高只有5尺的女孩。我穿什么都不好看，我希望自己是超瘦的，但我觉得保持健康的身体更重要,如果我能更聪明一点，我就不用付出比别人多两倍的努力，才能勉强靠近她们的成绩,我们学校所有的女孩基本上每周都会出去玩一次，而我却是每隔几个月才可以出去一次。所以，我脑海中经常会出现的一个想法就是“我很幸福，但是…… ”
我明白人类都是不知足的，我们总是想要更多，所以也许这就是我感觉麻木的原因？但是我不知道，我每次的开心都是短暂的。比如，今天我和我的两个朋友去了商场购物，我们玩得很开心，我真的很享受一切，但是现在我回来了，还是过着这样的生活。
你知道吗？我想知道世界上美丽的东西会停留多久,我们在秋天得到的美丽的叶子会一直美丽吗？那春天开的那些鲜艳艳丽的花呢？人们总是闷闷不乐吗？那些说自己幸福的人会永远幸福吗？当然，这一切都只是暂时的。

I’m gonna share a secret, which I’ve never told anybody before… My father passed away when I was 2, I don’t remember him much, but sometimes I just really, really wish and hope for him to return somehow, or at least for my mother to remarry. I feel so out of place because I don’t have any friends that has lost a parent before. And to be honest, even if I did have a friend I could relate to, I would most likely never tell them. I just don’t want people to feel bad for me. Sometimes, I really have a hard time getting over the things my family says to me. My mom has said some things I could never forget because it mentally hurt like a fucking bullet. My sister has this “ironic rude” sort of humor and I really do hate it. She makes me feel so freaking self-conscious to the point where I used to cry about my how I looked. My grandma always talks about this genetic disorder I got from my dad, and how i’m gonna die from it like him, how my mom should’ve married someone else…She talks about it almost every week. When that happens, I just go to my room and stare at my wall as memories and thoughts of him flood into my head… Haha nobody told me losing someone you barely remember still hurts your heart so bad. The pain cut deeper than I expected. I think it’s still cutting as of today. Any mention of fathers gets me feeling so terrible because I know I don’t have one. If only it was myself who got cancer, maybe things could’ve ended differently…Even in one singular day, there are thousands of times where I have repeatedly missed and thought of you…Dad. Please just hug me. I promise I won’t let go of you…
Everyday, I live only because I have to. I don’t wanna kill myself, but I don’t wanna live. The sadness in me sort of reminds of how we have day and night in some weird way. I cry so easily and am too sensitive but I guess that can be a good thing sometimes. I’n happy and unhappy right now.
this was sort of a rant… so thank you for reading if you did.

我想和大家分享一个我从未告诉过别人的秘密，我的父亲在我两岁的时候就去世了，我对他的记忆不太清楚，但有时我真的真的很希望他能回来，或者我的母亲能再婚也行。我觉得说这些事让我感觉很不自在，因为我没有朋友且失去了父亲。说实话，即使我真的有一个可以理解的朋友，我也很可能永远不会告诉他们。因为我不想让别人同情我。有时候，我真的很难接受我家里人对我说的话。我妈说过一些让我永远都不会忘记的话，因为那些话就像子弹一样，深深的伤害了我。我妹妹经常会开一些充满讽刺的粗鲁的玩笑，但我真的很讨厌它。她让我觉得特别难为情，以至于我以前经常因为自己的长相而哭泣。我奶奶总是跟我们说我从我爸爸那里得到的遗传病，说我会像他一样死于遗传病，说我妈妈应该嫁给别人，她几乎每周都要说这个。当这种情况发生时，我就会回到自己的房间，盯着墙壁，对我父亲的思念和回忆就会涌入我的脑海中，哈哈，没有人告诉我，失去一个你几乎不记得的人仍然让你心痛得如此厉害。疼痛比我想象的还要厉害。任何提到父亲的事情都会让我感觉很难过，因为我知道我再也没有父亲了。如果我得了癌症，也许一切都会有不同的结局吧，即使只是一天，我还是会无数次的想念您，爸爸，请您抱抱我。我保证我不会再让你离开了。
我每天这么活着只是因为我不得不这么做。我并不想自杀，但是我也不想活了。我内心的悲伤让我明白，我们是以何种奇怪的方式度过白天和黑夜的。我很容易哭，也很敏感，但我想有时这可能是一件好事。我现在既开心又不开心。
这也算是一种内心的咆哮吧，所以如果你读了这段文字，那么谢谢你花时间阅读。

Anonymous
Happiness has never been my thing. But I should say that I have never been unhappier before..Right now I have started wondering why I even exist.This experience in my life will probably be the most painful experience ever.. Breakups are not so rare nowadays.I know that and trust me I’m not exaggerating when I said that this might be the most unhappy one I’ll ever come across.
I don’t blame him.I never have.And I respect him with the same intensity when he was with me.He’s the most wonderful person I’ve met in my life..the most intelligent, the most innocent,most humble and honest one..It’s rare that a person comes with everything that a woman needs. Above all, he loved me sooo much.. He had no one but me. His father has died when he was very small because of leukemia and his mother after his father’s demise, married his father’s sister’s son. So technically she married a person who goes with the same generation as her own son.. That’s ridiculous and as a child I can’t imagine the condition of my boyfriend when he had to go through all these.

幸福从来都不关我的事。但是，我应该说，我从来都没有像现在这么不开心过，我最近开始思考，我为什么会存在？这次的经历可能是我一生中最痛苦的经历了。虽然我知道现在分手并不少见，但是相信我，当我说这可能是我到目前为止遇到的最不开心的事情时，我真的一点都没有夸张。
我从来都没有怪过他。当他和我在一起的时候，我给了他同样的尊重。他是我一生中遇到的最棒的人，他是我遇到的最聪明，最天真，最谦虚，最诚实的人。一个人能拥有女人所需要的一切品质，这是很罕见的。最重要的是，他非常爱我，除了我，他别无她人。他的父亲在他很小的时候就因为白血病去世了，他的母亲在他父亲去世后，嫁给了他父亲的妹妹的儿子。所以严格来说，她嫁给了一个和她儿子同辈的人。这太荒谬了，当我还是个孩子的时候，我根本就无法想象我男朋友所经历的这些痛苦。

My bf(I am not able to call him my ex though we have no contact at all) has loved me limitlessly.Bought clothes,accessories for me.He was a true gentleman.Never made me pay for anything when we were dating..Planned everything weeks ahead..When I said I loved kittens, found all the cute kitten videos on you tube and sent me..He was in a way, a father to me.For all the loving and caring he gave me,all he asked for was the trust..he wanted to make sure that he can trust me so that same thing won’t happen to his child.
I loved him more than anything.There was a weakness in me when I met him..I was super lazy.Lazy at everything.I loved him but I was careless at the same time.Because of this reason, different things happened without my knowledge but he misunderstood that I did those intentionally. For ex: we had a late night chat and I slept so late and instantly I was fast asleep. My phone was under my pillow in case he calls me or texts me.I got a call at about 2 am..I thought it was him and answered the phone.couldn’t recognized the voice but I kept on talking assuming it was him.When I told him this the following morning he started yelling at me for answering calls from unknown numbers and not recognizing his voice.

我的男朋友（尽管我们现在根本没有任何联系了，但是我无法称呼他为我的前男友）真的非常的爱我。他给我买了很多的衣服和首饰，他是一位真正的绅士。在我们约会的时候，他从来都不让我付钱，而且他会提前几周就计划好一切。当我说我喜欢小猫的时候，他就会在油管上找到所有可爱小猫的视频，然后发给我，所以在某种程度上，他就像我的父亲一样。他给了我足够的爱和关怀，而他所需要的就只是信任而已。他想确保他能信任我，这样他的孩子就不会发生同样的事情了。
我爱他胜过一切。但当我遇见他的时候，我有一个缺点，就是我超级懒，什么事都很懒。我很爱他，但同时我又很粗心大意。所以，因为这个原因，经常有一些事情在我不知情的情况下就发生了，但是他却认为我是故意的。我们经常聊得很晚，有一天我很早就睡着了，我就把手机放在枕头下面，以防他给我打电话或发短信。我大概在凌晨2点接到了一个电话，我以为是他，就接了电话。我认不出那个声音，但我一直以为是他。第二天早上，当我告诉他这件事时，他就开始冲我大吼大叫，因为我接了陌生号码的电话，但却听不出他的声音。

Long story short..That kind of incidents happened and he lost trust in me..He couldn't stay away from me and me neither from him but he suddenly gave up on me..stopped contacting me and now its been more than a year..I can’t get over him.
I learned through my weaknesses.Now I am much stronger,very attentive and precise in whatever I do..Now I am everything he wanted back then..But he would never talk to me ever again.He’s a man of his word and when he says that he’s done,he’s done.
And there comes the most painful part..I have a sister.prettier than me.younger than me.she’s my life.i can die for her..so i made my bf come over to my home to teach physics for my sis.i was not in the country back then but he came every sunday(he’s a electronic wizard and a university student.that was the only day off but he taught my sis free of charge).He never falls for the outer appearance or the materialistic possessions.He loved me and only me.
Since he didnt have any proper relationship with his family,he wanted my mom to be his mom,my dad to be his dad and my sis to be his little sis…I wanted the same thing.I wanted to give him a family.I wanted to console him in every way I can.
But there were conflicts between my sis and him for different reasons..I should say stupid reasons.But for the readers,my sister is the best sister one can have.she supported me in every way and she has starved to provide me with enough money for education.

长话短说，这样的事情发生后，他就开始对我失去了信任，虽然他离不开我，我也离不开他，但是他突然就放弃我了。我们现在已经有一年多没有联系了，但是我还是忘不了他。
我从我自己的缺点中学到了很多。我现在做什么事情都非常的细心和精确。现在的我有他当时想要的一切品质。但他再也不会跟我说话了，因为他是个言而有信的人，他说我们之间结束了，我们之间就真的结束了。
最痛苦的部分来了，我有一个妹妹，她比我漂亮，比我年轻，她就是我的生命。我可以为她而死，所以我让我的男朋友来我家教我妹妹物理。我那时不住在乡下，但是他每个星期天都来（他是电子奇才，还是个大学生，这是他唯一的休息日，但他还是会免费的教我妹妹）。他从不为外表或物质财富所倾倒。他爱我，而且只爱我一个人。
因为他和他的家庭没有什么关系，所以他希望我的妈妈就是他的妈妈，我的爸爸就是他的爸爸，我的妹妹就是他的妹妹，我也有同样的想法。我想给他一个家。我想尽我的所能安慰他。
但是我的妹妹和他之间因为一些原因有点冲突。我应该说是一些很愚蠢的原因。但是对于读者来说，我的妹妹是最好的妹妹。因为她在各个方面都很支持我，她为了给我提供足够的教育资金而挨饿。

As I said,there were problems between my bf and my sis..he wasn’t happy about this and one day i got a call from my mom saying that my bf has proposed my sister.I laughed.yeah.that was my first reaction.there was no distrust in me about him..i asked him what he did.he told me that he sent her some romantic messages to test how she’ll react stating her that those messages were sent accidentally by his friend so that if she believes him its a good thing but if she doesnt then he said he’s going to breakup with me.Because I valued my family,I will never leave them and if they are not happy with him and doesnt trust him atleast that much then he has no future with me.
This incident happened 1 and half years ago and after 5 months he broke up with me abruptly..And recently I got to know he has sent a friend request to my sister’s roommate..
I dont know what to conclude from all these..i never say he cheated on me..but if he has,then again i can never be angry with him..i just dont feel bad about him.but i cry my eyes out everyday when i remember those sweet days we spent together..and Im so grateful for making me happy the best way a man can make a woman happy..I still love him indifferently and my mom has started searching for men for my marriage but I have no intention of getting married..So, IM NOT HAPPY with my life the way it is…
Sorry if the story is too long but I don’t know how to narrate it any shorter either.. Thank you for taking your time.
P.S: I guess my perspective has changed reasonably over past few months. I went through an amazing mental revolution in a positive way. Now i know my weaknesses, my dreams clearer than ever before. So I think I’m transforming to a much happier person than I thought i would be. :):):)

就像我说的，我男朋友和我妹妹之间有问题。他对此很不高兴，有一天我接到我妈妈的电话，她说我男朋友向我妹妹求婚了。我笑了，是的，这是我的第一反应，因为我很信任他。我问他是在干什么，他告诉我，他给她发了一些浪漫的短信，来测试她的反应，告诉她这些信息是他的朋友不小心发给她的，如果她相信他，那么这就是一件好事，但是如果她不相信，那么他就要和我分手。因为我重视我的家庭，我永远都不会离开他们，所以如果他们和他在一起不快乐，不信任他，那么我和他之间就没有未来。
这件事发生在一年半前，5个月后他突然就和我分手了。最近我知道他给我妹妹的室友发了好友请求。
我不知道从这些情况可以得出什么结论。我从没说过他对我不忠。但如果他有，那么我也不会生他的气。我只是不会再为他感到难过了。但是每当我想起我们在一起度过的那些甜蜜的日子，我还是会哭得泪流满面。我很感激你让我这么快乐，这是男人让女人幸福最好的方式了。

Mahima Bhandari,?Social Media Analytics at Apple
so true
During a class at Fresno Pacific University, a speaker asked one of the spouses in the audience:
"Does your husband make you happy?"
At this moment, the husband stood up straighter, showing complete confidence. He knew his wife would say yes, because she had never complained about anything during their marriage.
However, his wife answered the question with a resounding "No." "No, my husband does not make me happy."
The husband was baffled, but his wife continued:
"My husband never made me happy, and he does not make me happy. I am happy."

特别真实的事
在弗雷斯诺太平洋大学(Fresno Pacific University)的一堂课上，一位演讲者问听众中的一位配偶：
“你的丈夫让你感到幸福吗？”
这时，这位丈夫站得笔直，表现出完全的自信。他知道他的妻子会说“是”，因为她在他们的婚姻中从来没有抱怨过任何事。
然而，他的妻子却响亮地回答道：“不是。”“不，我的丈夫并不能让我感觉到幸福。”
丈夫不明白，但妻子继续说道：
“我的丈夫从来没有让我幸福过，他也不需要做什么来让我幸福。因为我本身就很幸福。”

"Whether I am happy or not is dependent not on him, but on me. I am the only person on whom my happiness depends.
I choose to be happy in every situation and every moment of my life, for if my happiness depended on another person, thing or circumstance, I would be in serious trouble.
Everything that exists in this life constantly changes: the human being, the riches, my body, the climate, my boss, the pleasures, the friends, and my physical and mental health. I could quote an endless list.
I need to decide to be happy regardless of anything else that happens. Whether I own a lot or a little, I am happy! Whether I'm going out or staying home alone, ??I'm happy! Whether I am rich or poor, I am happy!
I am married, but I was already happy when I was single.
I'm happy for myself.
I love my life not because my life is easier than anyone else's, but because I have decided to be happy as an individual. I am responsible for my happiness.
When I take this obligation from my husband and anyone else, I free them from the burden of carrying me on their shoulders. It makes everyone's life much lighter.
And that's how I've had a successful marriage for so many years."
Never give anyone else the responsibility to control your happiness. Be happy, even if it's hot, even if you're sick, even if you do not have money, even if someone has hurt you, even if someone does not love you and even if you do not value yourself.

“我是否幸福并不取决于他，而是取决于我自己。因为我是唯一一个能让我幸福的人。我选择在每一种情况下，在我生命中的每一刻都感到很快乐，因为如果我的幸福依赖于另一个人、一件事或一种环境，那我就会陷入严重的麻烦中。因为生命中的一切都在不断的变化：人、财富、身体、气候、老板、乐趣、朋友、身心健康等等。我可以列举出无穷无尽的例子。但是不管发生了什么，我都要保持快乐。所以无论我拥有的是多还是少，我都很快乐！不管我是出去还是一个人在家里待着，我都很开心！无论我是富有还是贫穷，我都是幸福的！我结婚了，但我单身的时候就已经很快乐了。我为自己感到高兴。我爱我的生活，不是因为我的生活比别人的轻松，而是因为我决定作为一个个体要感到快乐。我要对我自己的幸福负责。当我从我的丈夫和其他人那里承担这个义务时，我就免除了他们把我扛在肩上的负担。它使每个人的生活都更加轻松了。这就是我多年来拥有一段成功婚姻的原因。”
永远不要把控制自己幸福的权利交给别人。即使天气炎热，即使您生病了，即使您没有钱，即使有人伤害了您，即使有人不爱您，甚至您自己不爱您自己，你也要保持快乐。