你的家长对你讲过的最搞笑/糟糕的谎言是什么？
正文翻译
What is the most ridiculous/fucked up lie your parents told you?
你的家长对你讲过的最搞笑/糟糕的谎言是什么？
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
What is the most ridiculous/fucked up lie your parents told you?
你的家长对你讲过的最搞笑/糟糕的谎言是什么？
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
评论翻译
tomorrowistomato
That if I didn't brush my teeth, tiny teeth goblins would sneak into my room at night and pull out my teeth while I slept. I was genuinely afraid of the teeth goblins.
要是我不刷牙，小小的牙齿哥布林就会半夜里我睡觉的时候偷偷潜入我的房间。我特别特别害怕牙齿哥布林。
That if I didn't brush my teeth, tiny teeth goblins would sneak into my room at night and pull out my teeth while I slept. I was genuinely afraid of the teeth goblins.
要是我不刷牙，小小的牙齿哥布林就会半夜里我睡觉的时候偷偷潜入我的房间。我特别特别害怕牙齿哥布林。
bordemstirs
Did you believe in the tooth fairy? If so how did you feel about it?
你相信牙齿仙女吗？假如你相信的话，你觉得怎么样？
Did you believe in the tooth fairy? If so how did you feel about it?
你相信牙齿仙女吗？假如你相信的话，你觉得怎么样？
tomorrowistomato
I didn't have a problem with the tooth fairy because at least she paid me for my teeth and didn't yank them out herself.
我对牙齿仙女倒没什么问题，因为至少她会花钱买我的牙，并且不会亲手撬出来。
I didn't have a problem with the tooth fairy because at least she paid me for my teeth and didn't yank them out herself.
我对牙齿仙女倒没什么问题，因为至少她会花钱买我的牙，并且不会亲手撬出来。
DragonStangFlyer122
Not too fucked up, but ridiculous. When I was little, my mom told me if I didn't finish my dinner my stomach would get very hungry and come up and eat my brain. A few nights later I woke her up at midnight crying because my stomach growled and I needed a second dinner or it would eat my brain.
倒不至于太草蛋，不过很搞笑。在我很小的时候，我妈妈跟我说假如我不吃完晚饭的话，我的胃就会特别饿，饿到跑上去把我的脑子吃了。过了几天晚上我半夜哭着把我妈妈叫醒，因为我的肚子叫了，我得赶紧再吃一顿晚饭不然胃就要吃我的脑子了。
Not too fucked up, but ridiculous. When I was little, my mom told me if I didn't finish my dinner my stomach would get very hungry and come up and eat my brain. A few nights later I woke her up at midnight crying because my stomach growled and I needed a second dinner or it would eat my brain.
倒不至于太草蛋，不过很搞笑。在我很小的时候，我妈妈跟我说假如我不吃完晚饭的话，我的胃就会特别饿，饿到跑上去把我的脑子吃了。过了几天晚上我半夜哭着把我妈妈叫醒，因为我的肚子叫了，我得赶紧再吃一顿晚饭不然胃就要吃我的脑子了。
UDontKnowMe__206
I love how this plan horribly backfired on her lol
我喜欢她的这个说谎却走火打到自己身上的结局哈哈哈
I love how this plan horribly backfired on her lol
我喜欢她的这个说谎却走火打到自己身上的结局哈哈哈
starlightsmiles31
As a parent, I would literally never stop kicking myself for this fuck up.
作为家长，我真的会因为这次搞砸了而永远提醒自己的。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
As a parent, I would literally never stop kicking myself for this fuck up.
作为家长，我真的会因为这次搞砸了而永远提醒自己的。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
thatguyned
What makes it even worse is the first time you tell a child something, they assume that's the truth and lock it in. Something silly like this said in passing can take days if not weeks to reverse
让它看起来更糟糕的事情在于，你第一次告诉孩子某件事，他们就觉得那是真理，就深信不疑了。这种不经意说出来的蠢话往往会花几天甚至几星期的时间反转。
What makes it even worse is the first time you tell a child something, they assume that's the truth and lock it in. Something silly like this said in passing can take days if not weeks to reverse
让它看起来更糟糕的事情在于，你第一次告诉孩子某件事，他们就觉得那是真理，就深信不疑了。这种不经意说出来的蠢话往往会花几天甚至几星期的时间反转。
kutuup1989
You just gave me a really weird flashback to when I was a kid and I had to have my kidney taken out because it was obstructed and was making me ill. I couldn't have solid food for a few days after the surgery, so my parents bought a bunch of supermarket ready-meals (I even remember the brand - it was Blue Parrot Cafe) and ran them through the blender into a paste for me to eat.
你让我产生了非常怪的闪回，在我还是个孩子的时候，我得把一个肾摘除，因为阻塞了，让我病得厉害。我做完手术有好几天都只能吃流食，于是我父母给我买了一大包超市的即食餐点（我甚至记得牌子——是蓝鹦鹉Cafe），把它放到搅拌机里搅成糊糊给我吃。
You just gave me a really weird flashback to when I was a kid and I had to have my kidney taken out because it was obstructed and was making me ill. I couldn't have solid food for a few days after the surgery, so my parents bought a bunch of supermarket ready-meals (I even remember the brand - it was Blue Parrot Cafe) and ran them through the blender into a paste for me to eat.
你让我产生了非常怪的闪回，在我还是个孩子的时候，我得把一个肾摘除，因为阻塞了，让我病得厉害。我做完手术有好几天都只能吃流食，于是我父母给我买了一大包超市的即食餐点（我甚至记得牌子——是蓝鹦鹉Cafe），把它放到搅拌机里搅成糊糊给我吃。
Problem was, I really liked it, so I would keep asking for these blitzed ready-meals for months afterwards. They eventually made them a treat, so if I was good, I could have the food-paste for tea XD
问题在于我特别喜欢吃那东西，所以我康复之后好几个月都一直在管他们要那些打成糊的速食。他们后来把那个做成奖励了，就比如我表现得好，我就可以拿那个当茶喝哈哈
问题在于我特别喜欢吃那东西，所以我康复之后好几个月都一直在管他们要那些打成糊的速食。他们后来把那个做成奖励了，就比如我表现得好，我就可以拿那个当茶喝哈哈
ManySleeplessNights
A lot more tame than the other ones here but my mum once told me not to sleep on my left cos that causes pressure on your heart. Not sure how true that was but I was nervous for years whenever I had to sleep on my left side.
比很多其他人分享的要温和得多，我妈妈有一次跟我说不要朝左侧卧，会压迫心脏。我不确定那是真是假，但此后好几年只要我朝左侧卧，我就特别紧张。
A lot more tame than the other ones here but my mum once told me not to sleep on my left cos that causes pressure on your heart. Not sure how true that was but I was nervous for years whenever I had to sleep on my left side.
比很多其他人分享的要温和得多，我妈妈有一次跟我说不要朝左侧卧，会压迫心脏。我不确定那是真是假，但此后好几年只要我朝左侧卧，我就特别紧张。
LoveIsTrying
Pregnant people are actually told to sleep on their left side because it’s better for circulation.
怀孕的人实际上是被建议朝左侧卧的，因为有利于血液循环。
Pregnant people are actually told to sleep on their left side because it’s better for circulation.
怀孕的人实际上是被建议朝左侧卧的，因为有利于血液循环。
MsRatbag
It's also better for digestion (in all people, not just pregnant women)
对消化也更好（所有人都是如此，不止孕期妇女）
It's also better for digestion (in all people, not just pregnant women)
对消化也更好（所有人都是如此，不止孕期妇女）
undeniablepastathief
I've actually heard the opposite, that it's better to sleep on your left. It's good for your digestive system and can even reduce things such as heart burn.
我听说的倒恰恰与之相反，最好是朝左睡。对消化系统有好处，甚至可以减少烧心之类事情的发生。
I've actually heard the opposite, that it's better to sleep on your left. It's good for your digestive system and can even reduce things such as heart burn.
我听说的倒恰恰与之相反，最好是朝左睡。对消化系统有好处，甚至可以减少烧心之类事情的发生。
jaykayhicks
That my siblings and I had a sister named Alice. Apparently she wouldn't stop talking in the car so they dropped her off on the side of the road.. never spoke on road trips ever again.
他们骗我说我有个姐姐叫爱丽丝。她总是在车上说话，于是他们就把她扔到路边了。此后再也没在自驾游的时候说过话。
That my siblings and I had a sister named Alice. Apparently she wouldn't stop talking in the car so they dropped her off on the side of the road.. never spoke on road trips ever again.
他们骗我说我有个姐姐叫爱丽丝。她总是在车上说话，于是他们就把她扔到路边了。此后再也没在自驾游的时候说过话。
PM_ME_UR_RESPECTS
My parents had a similar thing. They would threaten to leave myself and my brother at a "bad boys school" ran by Mrs. Mullins if we didn't behave in the car
我父母也做过类似的事情。他们威胁我和我兄弟，假如在车上不好好表现的话，就把我们两个送到穆林斯太太开的“坏男孩学校”去。
My parents had a similar thing. They would threaten to leave myself and my brother at a "bad boys school" ran by Mrs. Mullins if we didn't behave in the car
我父母也做过类似的事情。他们威胁我和我兄弟，假如在车上不好好表现的话，就把我们两个送到穆林斯太太开的“坏男孩学校”去。
You can imagine my trepidation when I got to secondary school and my teacher was named Mrs. Mullins
你可以想象一下在我上了初中之后，发现老师的名字是穆林斯太太的时候我有多害怕。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
你可以想象一下在我上了初中之后，发现老师的名字是穆林斯太太的时候我有多害怕。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
AnoniemGebruiker
My Dad told me exactly the same thing. He said I had an older sister named Matilda, but she kept screaming in the car so he dropped her off at the side of the road and left her there. It didn't stop me screaming in the car until one day he actually stopped the car and told me to get out. He only drove 10m away but I never screamed in the car again.
我爸爸也跟我讲过一模一样的话。他说我有个叫玛蒂尔达的姐姐，她一直在车上尖叫，于是他把她扔在路边再也没管过。这并没阻止我在车里接着喊，直到有一天他真的把车停下来告诉我下车。他只往前开了十米远，但在那之后我再也没在车里叫喊过。
My Dad told me exactly the same thing. He said I had an older sister named Matilda, but she kept screaming in the car so he dropped her off at the side of the road and left her there. It didn't stop me screaming in the car until one day he actually stopped the car and told me to get out. He only drove 10m away but I never screamed in the car again.
我爸爸也跟我讲过一模一样的话。他说我有个叫玛蒂尔达的姐姐，她一直在车上尖叫，于是他把她扔在路边再也没管过。这并没阻止我在车里接着喊，直到有一天他真的把车停下来告诉我下车。他只往前开了十米远，但在那之后我再也没在车里叫喊过。
avrenimopans
My mom would do this in general while we were going places. She would make us 3 kids run behind the car. We lived in the middle of nowhere and she would get mad at us and tell us to get out, and then drive off, we would try to keep up but she was obviously gone. She'd go a few concession roads away and wait at a stop sign. We would be so glad to get in the car that we stayed quiet and didn't say a word the whole way home.
基本上只要我们出门，我妈妈都会做这种事。她会让我们三个孩子在车后头跑。我们住在荒无人烟的地方，她会对我们非常生气，让我们下车，然后把车开走。我们尽力追着车跑，不过她显然把车开走了。她会开出好几个路口去，然后在一个停车标志那里停下。我们能重新上车都特别开心，于是我们都安安静静的，一路回家都一句话也不说。
My mom would do this in general while we were going places. She would make us 3 kids run behind the car. We lived in the middle of nowhere and she would get mad at us and tell us to get out, and then drive off, we would try to keep up but she was obviously gone. She'd go a few concession roads away and wait at a stop sign. We would be so glad to get in the car that we stayed quiet and didn't say a word the whole way home.
基本上只要我们出门，我妈妈都会做这种事。她会让我们三个孩子在车后头跑。我们住在荒无人烟的地方，她会对我们非常生气，让我们下车，然后把车开走。我们尽力追着车跑，不过她显然把车开走了。她会开出好几个路口去，然后在一个停车标志那里停下。我们能重新上车都特别开心，于是我们都安安静静的，一路回家都一句话也不说。
nopenonotatall
around the time Toy Story first came out, my dad drove an Infiniti and he told us that he could press a button and go “to infinity and beyond” to jump over other cars. he’d have us close our eyes and press the button and he’d speed up and pass the car in front of us while our eyes were closed. as a kid i was d u m b f o u n d e d and thought he was magic. it’s actually a nice memory compared to the other ones on here lol
在《玩具总动员》刚上映的时候，我爸开的是一辆英菲尼迪，他跟我们说只要他按一个按钮，车子就能“飞向宇宙，浩瀚无垠”，从别的车头顶上飞过去。他会让我们把眼睛闭好，然后按下按钮，然后他会趁我们的眼睛闭着的时候踩油门超过前面的车。还小的时候我简直惊呆了，我以为他会魔法。其实比起这里的其他人来说算是很好的记忆哈哈哈哈
around the time Toy Story first came out, my dad drove an Infiniti and he told us that he could press a button and go “to infinity and beyond” to jump over other cars. he’d have us close our eyes and press the button and he’d speed up and pass the car in front of us while our eyes were closed. as a kid i was d u m b f o u n d e d and thought he was magic. it’s actually a nice memory compared to the other ones on here lol
在《玩具总动员》刚上映的时候，我爸开的是一辆英菲尼迪，他跟我们说只要他按一个按钮，车子就能“飞向宇宙，浩瀚无垠”，从别的车头顶上飞过去。他会让我们把眼睛闭好，然后按下按钮，然后他会趁我们的眼睛闭着的时候踩油门超过前面的车。还小的时候我简直惊呆了，我以为他会魔法。其实比起这里的其他人来说算是很好的记忆哈哈哈哈
Abby_Babby
My dad told us, my brother and I, that he could tell what card we were holding just by looking at the back of it. So we would hold up a card from the deck, we would hide it from him, we got creative, trying to trick him and he would still be able to tell us which card it was! I remember spending hours with my brother and a magnifier trying to figure out how he could tell which card we were holding up. In my 30s my mother finally admitted that she was always standing behind us and telling him! We had no idea she would betray us. It’s one of the good memories of him thankfully, there’s a lot of bad ones but that one always makes me smile.
我爸爸跟我们，我兄弟和我，说他只要看牌背就能猜出来我们手里拿的是什么牌。于是我们随便从牌堆里抽一张，我们把它藏起来，我们想方设法地想要骗他，但他仍然能告诉我们那张牌是什么！我记得我跟兄弟拿着个放大器还在找他是怎么看出来我们的牌的。到我30多岁的时候我妈妈终于承认是她一直站在我们背后告诉他的！我们根本没想到她会背叛我们。值得庆幸的是这是他给我们留下的美好回忆之一，虽然也有很多糟糕的回忆，但那一段永远会让我笑出来。
My dad told us, my brother and I, that he could tell what card we were holding just by looking at the back of it. So we would hold up a card from the deck, we would hide it from him, we got creative, trying to trick him and he would still be able to tell us which card it was! I remember spending hours with my brother and a magnifier trying to figure out how he could tell which card we were holding up. In my 30s my mother finally admitted that she was always standing behind us and telling him! We had no idea she would betray us. It’s one of the good memories of him thankfully, there’s a lot of bad ones but that one always makes me smile.
我爸爸跟我们，我兄弟和我，说他只要看牌背就能猜出来我们手里拿的是什么牌。于是我们随便从牌堆里抽一张，我们把它藏起来，我们想方设法地想要骗他，但他仍然能告诉我们那张牌是什么！我记得我跟兄弟拿着个放大器还在找他是怎么看出来我们的牌的。到我30多岁的时候我妈妈终于承认是她一直站在我们背后告诉他的！我们根本没想到她会背叛我们。值得庆幸的是这是他给我们留下的美好回忆之一，虽然也有很多糟糕的回忆，但那一段永远会让我笑出来。
StopClockerman
Not quite the same but whenever my brother or I would sit in the front seat with my dad he would say, let’s try something, and said he would close his eyes and my brother or I would have to tell him where to steer. Of course he would only close his right eye but we would frequently help him “navigate” home and he would play it up by veering too far to the shoulder or stuff like that. Always made it home without incident though.
并不完全一样，我和兄弟坐在副驾驶位置，我爸开车的时候，他会说，咱玩个东西，说他会闭上眼睛，让我和我兄弟告诉他往哪边打方向盘。当然他肯定会只把右眼闭上，但我们经常都会帮他“导航”到家里，他还会猛打方向盘让车开到马路牙子上之类的来骗我们。但每次到家都什么事儿也没有。
Not quite the same but whenever my brother or I would sit in the front seat with my dad he would say, let’s try something, and said he would close his eyes and my brother or I would have to tell him where to steer. Of course he would only close his right eye but we would frequently help him “navigate” home and he would play it up by veering too far to the shoulder or stuff like that. Always made it home without incident though.
并不完全一样，我和兄弟坐在副驾驶位置，我爸开车的时候，他会说，咱玩个东西，说他会闭上眼睛，让我和我兄弟告诉他往哪边打方向盘。当然他肯定会只把右眼闭上，但我们经常都会帮他“导航”到家里，他还会猛打方向盘让车开到马路牙子上之类的来骗我们。但每次到家都什么事儿也没有。
Warmheart_84
Oh! I've done this with my kids lol occasionally I would "miss" a turn and go too far.
哦！我跟我家孩子也做过这样的事哈哈哈有的时候我会“错过”一个该拐弯的地方，开太远。
Oh! I've done this with my kids lol occasionally I would "miss" a turn and go too far.
哦！我跟我家孩子也做过这样的事哈哈哈有的时候我会“错过”一个该拐弯的地方，开太远。
Another thing I have done is once they came to me With a "treasure map" that was just a big wandering scribble with an X on it. I told them we were gonna follow the map to the X to see if there's treasure. I made sure to follow their turns (mostly), going left or right but at streets that would eventually lead us to the gas station out of town. I made a big deal out of the X being right at the gas station (what a weird coincidence!), Then went inside to ask about any treasure. I came out with surprise bags (gas stations sell these bags with random candy and toys in them) and slurpees that were the "treasure".
我做过的另一件事是有一次他们拿着一张“藏宝图”过来找我，虽然上面只是一堆乱七八糟的线和一个叉，但我跟他们说我们按着地图走，看看有没有宝物。我保证跟着他们的指示走（基本如此），往左拐往右拐，但总之是沿着那条往城外的加油站走的路。我花了很大功夫才说服他们那个叉就正好在加油站（多么诡异的巧合呀！），然后我们进去问他们有没有宝物。我拿着福袋（加油站会把随机的糖果和玩具放到袋子里卖）和思乐冰饮料出来，当做他们的“宝物”
我做过的另一件事是有一次他们拿着一张“藏宝图”过来找我，虽然上面只是一堆乱七八糟的线和一个叉，但我跟他们说我们按着地图走，看看有没有宝物。我保证跟着他们的指示走（基本如此），往左拐往右拐，但总之是沿着那条往城外的加油站走的路。我花了很大功夫才说服他们那个叉就正好在加油站（多么诡异的巧合呀！），然后我们进去问他们有没有宝物。我拿着福袋（加油站会把随机的糖果和玩具放到袋子里卖）和思乐冰饮料出来，当做他们的“宝物”
My kids STILL talk about that amazing treasure map lol.
我家孩子知道今天还在聊那张超棒的藏宝图哈哈哈。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
我家孩子知道今天还在聊那张超棒的藏宝图哈哈哈。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Narrow-Development80
I love this! Your kids are going to remember this wonderful memory about you for the rest if their lives!
我喜欢这个！你家孩子这辈子都会记住这个关于你的美好记忆的！
I love this! Your kids are going to remember this wonderful memory about you for the rest if their lives!
我喜欢这个！你家孩子这辈子都会记住这个关于你的美好记忆的！
Gannondalf55
You sound like a good parent. Things like that can really make an impact on a kid!
你听起来像个好家长。这种事情真的可以给孩子带来很大的影响！
You sound like a good parent. Things like that can really make an impact on a kid!
你听起来像个好家长。这种事情真的可以给孩子带来很大的影响！
Leaislala
This is sweet. And harmless. Thanks for the smile
这真可爱。并且无害。谢谢你为我带来微笑
This is sweet. And harmless. Thanks for the smile
这真可爱。并且无害。谢谢你为我带来微笑
SHIF7YYT
My dad died in a car accident a few years ago. And till this day my mom says that he is still on vacation.
我爸几年前出车祸死了。直到今天我妈妈还在说他在度假。
My dad died in a car accident a few years ago. And till this day my mom says that he is still on vacation.
我爸几年前出车祸死了。直到今天我妈妈还在说他在度假。
I don't know if it is a coping method for her but i haven't said anything about it.
我不知道这是不是她用来对付的手段，但我还没说过什么。
我不知道这是不是她用来对付的手段，但我还没说过什么。
HDawsome
I hope your mom has sought some counseling in the aftermath of everything. Losing a parent or spouse suddenly is a seriously traumatic thing
我希望你母亲在事情都结束之后咨询过别人。突然间失去父母或者伴侣是非常严重的创伤
I hope your mom has sought some counseling in the aftermath of everything. Losing a parent or spouse suddenly is a seriously traumatic thing
我希望你母亲在事情都结束之后咨询过别人。突然间失去父母或者伴侣是非常严重的创伤
Rio1231233
We used to have a farm when I was a kid. My uncle gave me few hens he had and I told my dad that I want them to have baby chicks and sell them. He told me we need to buy you a rooster for your hens. I said why? They lay eggs and they don’t need to have a male around. He told me the eggs won’t be fertile and will never hatch.
我家在我小的时候有个农场。我叔叔给了我几只母鸡，我跟我爸爸说我想让它们孵出小鸡来卖。他跟我说我们得给你的母鸡买一只公鸡。我说为什么呀？他们自己也会下蛋，也不需要公鸡在一边。他说那样的鸡蛋是不会受精的，也不会孵出来。
We used to have a farm when I was a kid. My uncle gave me few hens he had and I told my dad that I want them to have baby chicks and sell them. He told me we need to buy you a rooster for your hens. I said why? They lay eggs and they don’t need to have a male around. He told me the eggs won’t be fertile and will never hatch.
我家在我小的时候有个农场。我叔叔给了我几只母鸡，我跟我爸爸说我想让它们孵出小鸡来卖。他跟我说我们得给你的母鸡买一只公鸡。我说为什么呀？他们自己也会下蛋，也不需要公鸡在一边。他说那样的鸡蛋是不会受精的，也不会孵出来。
-“But what can a rooster do to make it hatch?”
——“但公鸡做什么能让它们孵出小鸡来呀？”
——“但公鸡做什么能让它们孵出小鸡来呀？”
-“He picks the back of their necks”
——“他用嘴啄母鸡的后脖颈”
——“他用嘴啄母鸡的后脖颈”
-“Well I can do that with a needle every day!”
——“那我拿一根针也能天天都这么干！”
——“那我拿一根针也能天天都这么干！”
-“And then he farts in their butts..”
——“然后他在母鸡的屁股里放屁”
——“然后他在母鸡的屁股里放屁”
The worst part I remember is me running to my mom after we went home to tell her about my recent discovery…….
我记得最糟的事情是我们回家之后我跟我妈妈讲我最近的发现……
我记得最糟的事情是我们回家之后我跟我妈妈讲我最近的发现……
I__Masturbate__Often
It's not that far from the truth. Chickens (male and female) have just one orifice, so it can be classified as a 'butt'. Also, ejaculation from that one orifice certainly may be considered a shart.
距离事实也并不远。鸡（公鸡和母鸡）都只有一条泄殖腔，所以当成“屁股”也没问题。还有，从泄殖腔里射出来的东西当然也可以说成是带屎的屁。
It's not that far from the truth. Chickens (male and female) have just one orifice, so it can be classified as a 'butt'. Also, ejaculation from that one orifice certainly may be considered a shart.
距离事实也并不远。鸡（公鸡和母鸡）都只有一条泄殖腔，所以当成“屁股”也没问题。还有，从泄殖腔里射出来的东西当然也可以说成是带屎的屁。
NoseyRosey40
That my eyes turn orange when I lie. So I covered my eyes when I lied so my mom couldn’t see them turn fcking orange.
我撒谎的时候眼睛会变成橘黄色。于是每次我跟妈妈说谎的时候我都把眼睛闭上，这样我妈就看不见我的眼睛变黄了。
That my eyes turn orange when I lie. So I covered my eyes when I lied so my mom couldn’t see them turn fcking orange.
我撒谎的时候眼睛会变成橘黄色。于是每次我跟妈妈说谎的时候我都把眼睛闭上，这样我妈就看不见我的眼睛变黄了。
dogezes
that’s.. actually really smart of your mom
这……你妈妈真的很聪明
that’s.. actually really smart of your mom
这……你妈妈真的很聪明
propernice
My dad would say 'I'm going to ask you a question, but keep in mind, I already know the answer.'
我爸会说“我要问你个问题，但记住了，我早就知道答案了”
My dad would say 'I'm going to ask you a question, but keep in mind, I already know the answer.'
我爸会说“我要问你个问题，但记住了，我早就知道答案了”
It worked; my child mind freaked out knowing there was a 50/50 shot and if I guessed wrong I'd be grounded from the tv, lol. The panicked silence told him all he needed to know.
特别有用；我知道我的概率是五五开，并且假如我猜错了我就不可能看电视了，所以我都吓傻了。这种带着恐慌的安静就足够让他知道是怎么回事了。
特别有用；我知道我的概率是五五开，并且假如我猜错了我就不可能看电视了，所以我都吓傻了。这种带着恐慌的安静就足够让他知道是怎么回事了。
Edit: of course my most upvoted comment is about my dad’s parenting methods. He’d be proud. Solid dude who raised two kids while working 4 different jobs after my mom bounced. Shout out to dad!
编辑：当然我点赞最多的评论是关于我父亲带孩子的方法的。他会很骄傲的。被我妈踢了之后，他一个人干四份工作养大两个孩子，很坚强的男人。为我爸喝彩！
编辑：当然我点赞最多的评论是关于我父亲带孩子的方法的。他会很骄傲的。被我妈踢了之后，他一个人干四份工作养大两个孩子，很坚强的男人。为我爸喝彩！
IamTheDanger6
That it’s illegal to turn the light on in the car while driving.
开车的时候把车里面的灯打开是违法的
That it’s illegal to turn the light on in the car while driving.
开车的时候把车里面的灯打开是违法的
DarlingPotPrincess
I was told this as well and it wasn’t until I was an adult that I found out it was a lie.
小时候爸妈也这么告诉我的，但其实不是，我长大之后才发现那是骗人的。
I was told this as well and it wasn’t until I was an adult that I found out it was a lie.
小时候爸妈也这么告诉我的，但其实不是，我长大之后才发现那是骗人的。
gg0209
Wait. That’s a lie?
等等。那是骗人的？
Wait. That’s a lie?
等等。那是骗人的？
jimjong1
Yes, but it can be dangerous. Basically your windows can act like a one way mirror, it's dark outside and light inside so the windows become more reflective
没错，但确实可能很危险。简单来说你的车窗会像单向镜一样，外面暗里面亮，所以窗户的反射率会更高。
Yes, but it can be dangerous. Basically your windows can act like a one way mirror, it's dark outside and light inside so the windows become more reflective
没错，但确实可能很危险。简单来说你的车窗会像单向镜一样，外面暗里面亮，所以窗户的反射率会更高。
Environmental-Shoe_
My mom lied about my father's death for 9 years in till my brother posted the anniversary of him hanging himself (he's my half brother same dad different mom)
我妈妈瞒了我父亲的死讯九年，直到有一天我兄弟发了他自杀的周年纪念日（他是我同父异母的兄弟）
My mom lied about my father's death for 9 years in till my brother posted the anniversary of him hanging himself (he's my half brother same dad different mom)
我妈妈瞒了我父亲的死讯九年，直到有一天我兄弟发了他自杀的周年纪念日（他是我同父异母的兄弟）
anypebble
A lot of these are sad so here’s a silly nice one: My birthday is the 11th of July. The gas station 7/11 gives away free slushies on 7/11. At 7, 8, & 9 years old my parents just told me that the 7/11 wanted to celebrate my birthday by giving me free slushies and I did not question it. I thought the gas station just really liked me
这里好多都挺伤心的，那我发一个傻乎乎好玩的吧：我生日是7月11日。加油站的7/11便利店在7月11日会发放免费的冰沙。在七岁，八岁和九岁的时候，我家长就跟我说7/11是想要庆祝我的生日才给我发免费的冰沙的，我深信不疑。我以为那个加油站特别喜欢我。
A lot of these are sad so here’s a silly nice one: My birthday is the 11th of July. The gas station 7/11 gives away free slushies on 7/11. At 7, 8, & 9 years old my parents just told me that the 7/11 wanted to celebrate my birthday by giving me free slushies and I did not question it. I thought the gas station just really liked me
这里好多都挺伤心的，那我发一个傻乎乎好玩的吧：我生日是7月11日。加油站的7/11便利店在7月11日会发放免费的冰沙。在七岁，八岁和九岁的时候，我家长就跟我说7/11是想要庆祝我的生日才给我发免费的冰沙的，我深信不疑。我以为那个加油站特别喜欢我。
AdditionalAlias
My dad once told me if I didn’t say a single word the whole way home, he’d take me to Arby’s. In the driveway, I came to the realization that we couldn’t go to Arby’s, as we were home.
我爸爸有一次跟我说假如我在回家的路上一个字也不说，他就会带我去Arby's吃汉堡。开到车库门口了，我突然发现我们去不了Arby's了，因为我们到家了。
My dad once told me if I didn’t say a single word the whole way home, he’d take me to Arby’s. In the driveway, I came to the realization that we couldn’t go to Arby’s, as we were home.
我爸爸有一次跟我说假如我在回家的路上一个字也不说，他就会带我去Arby's吃汉堡。开到车库门口了，我突然发现我们去不了Arby's了，因为我们到家了。
Me: we’re not going, are we?
我：我们去不了了，对吗？
我：我们去不了了，对吗？
Him: well, you talked just now, so guess not.
他：呀，你刚才说话了，那就不去了呗。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
他：呀，你刚才说话了，那就不去了呗。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
SelfBoundBeauty
When I was younger i learned that mushrooms were a fungus and refused to eat them. My dad made me some soup with mushrooms in it and i threw a fit about eating it, so he inspected the bowl and told me they were whale toes.
我小的时候，得知蘑菇是一种真菌之后我就不愿意吃。我爸爸有一次做了碗蘑菇汤，我大发脾气，于是他看了眼汤碗，跟我说那是鲸鱼的脚指头。
When I was younger i learned that mushrooms were a fungus and refused to eat them. My dad made me some soup with mushrooms in it and i threw a fit about eating it, so he inspected the bowl and told me they were whale toes.
我小的时候，得知蘑菇是一种真菌之后我就不愿意吃。我爸爸有一次做了碗蘑菇汤，我大发脾气，于是他看了眼汤碗，跟我说那是鲸鱼的脚指头。
Apparently i was old enough to know that mushrooms were a fungus but not old enough to know that whales didnt have feet. >_<
显然我的年龄已经大到知道蘑菇是种真菌了，但还没大到知道鲸鱼没有脚。>_<
显然我的年龄已经大到知道蘑菇是种真菌了，但还没大到知道鲸鱼没有脚。>_<
BW_Bird
When my parents didn't want to go through the effort of having me join a sport or a club at school, they just told me I would be terrible at it and should give up.
我父母不愿意费力气帮我加入运动社团或别的社团的时候，他们直接告诉我我会做得很烂，不如直接放弃。
When my parents didn't want to go through the effort of having me join a sport or a club at school, they just told me I would be terrible at it and should give up.
我父母不愿意费力气帮我加入运动社团或别的社团的时候，他们直接告诉我我会做得很烂，不如直接放弃。
Affectionate-Bar-839
My cat died and my mom told me that he moved to Florida.
我家猫死了，妈妈告诉我他搬到佛罗里达去住了。
My cat died and my mom told me that he moved to Florida.
我家猫死了，妈妈告诉我他搬到佛罗里达去住了。
Edit: thank you for the awards. Teddy’s ghost is very pleased with himself. He says, “Meow”, which roughly translates to “Thanks a bunch. I hate it down here.”
编辑：谢谢你们的点赞。Teddy的魂现在很舒服。他说“喵”，大概意思是“谢了老铁，我不愿意住那儿。”
编辑：谢谢你们的点赞。Teddy的魂现在很舒服。他说“喵”，大概意思是“谢了老铁，我不愿意住那儿。”
lrdrchin
It's not that fucked up but it's kind of a revenge story. When I was very young my parents told me I couldn't get carbonated soft drinks cause they said it was bad for me and I could die. Mind you I was an hyperactive kid at the time.
倒没那么糟心，不过算是复仇成功的故事吧。我特别小的时候家长跟我说我不能喝碳酸软饮料，因为他们说那玩意儿对我不好，我会死。提前说一句，我当时是个特别活泼的孩子。
It's not that fucked up but it's kind of a revenge story. When I was very young my parents told me I couldn't get carbonated soft drinks cause they said it was bad for me and I could die. Mind you I was an hyperactive kid at the time.
倒没那么糟心，不过算是复仇成功的故事吧。我特别小的时候家长跟我说我不能喝碳酸软饮料，因为他们说那玩意儿对我不好，我会死。提前说一句，我当时是个特别活泼的孩子。
At one point I got a genius idea, I lived with my mother and my father would pick me up every weekends. My plan was friday evening when my father would pick me up I would tell him "mom gave me coca-cola cause she said it's okay you're going to your father's anyway" and at this moment my father accepted the fake challenge I have given him. The next sunday evening my father gave me like a 1L of 7up just before dropping me off. So I was pretty excited, my mother asked me like what's up with you ? And I told her pretty much the same thing "dad gave me 7up cause he said it's okay you're going to your mother afterward anyway" and then my mom took on the challenge too.
于是我想出了个绝妙的电子，我和我妈住，我爸每周末来接我。我的计划是周五晚上爸爸来接我的时候，我跟他说“我妈给我可口可乐喝了，因为她说没事反正你要去你爸那儿去了”。于是我爸就接受了我给他下的这个虚假的挑战。等到周日的晚上我爸就在我下车之前给了我一瓶一升的七喜。我就很兴奋，我妈问我你怎么了？我的说法跟之前一样“我爸给我七喜喝了，因为他说反正你之后要去你妈那儿”然后我妈也接受了这个挑战。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
于是我想出了个绝妙的电子，我和我妈住，我爸每周末来接我。我的计划是周五晚上爸爸来接我的时候，我跟他说“我妈给我可口可乐喝了，因为她说没事反正你要去你爸那儿去了”。于是我爸就接受了我给他下的这个虚假的挑战。等到周日的晚上我爸就在我下车之前给了我一瓶一升的七喜。我就很兴奋，我妈问我你怎么了？我的说法跟之前一样“我爸给我七喜喝了，因为他说反正你之后要去你妈那儿”然后我妈也接受了这个挑战。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
They never spoke about it out loud it was kind of a war and I was the instruments. What they didn't know was that I was the evil mind behind it all. So all in all, I got my revenge, I got carbonated soft drinks and they never learned the truth until I told them years later.
他们从来都没公开说过这件事，好像这是一场战争而我是武器一样。他们不知道的是我才是背后的真正主使者。我复仇成功了，我喝到碳酸软饮料了，并且几年后我告诉他们的时候他们才知道真相。
他们从来都没公开说过这件事，好像这是一场战争而我是武器一样。他们不知道的是我才是背后的真正主使者。我复仇成功了，我喝到碳酸软饮料了，并且几年后我告诉他们的时候他们才知道真相。
KrisX8981
Kinda a funny one. I grew up on a farm with cattle and we had 2 dogs. I had really bad allergies growing up and was allergic to everything with a fur coat but I still hugged our dogs and kept getting sick over it. So to prevent from hugging or playing with our dogs my mom told my that by doing so would make them want to chase cows and getting our cows worked up was a no no. So I stop hugging with the dogs in order to make them stop chasing cows. Funny thing is that now when I bring that up my mom doesn't even remember telling me that
我这个其实挺有趣的。我在农场长大，那里有牛和两只狗。我小的时候有很严重的过敏，长毛的一切东西我都过敏，但我仍然喜欢抱我家狗子，哪怕抱完就难受。所以为了让我不再抱狗或者跟狗玩，我妈妈跟我说我这样做的话狗就会想要追牛，而让牛动起来是绝对不行的。搞笑的是现在我跟我妈讲，她都完全不记得跟我说过这件事。
Kinda a funny one. I grew up on a farm with cattle and we had 2 dogs. I had really bad allergies growing up and was allergic to everything with a fur coat but I still hugged our dogs and kept getting sick over it. So to prevent from hugging or playing with our dogs my mom told my that by doing so would make them want to chase cows and getting our cows worked up was a no no. So I stop hugging with the dogs in order to make them stop chasing cows. Funny thing is that now when I bring that up my mom doesn't even remember telling me that
我这个其实挺有趣的。我在农场长大，那里有牛和两只狗。我小的时候有很严重的过敏，长毛的一切东西我都过敏，但我仍然喜欢抱我家狗子，哪怕抱完就难受。所以为了让我不再抱狗或者跟狗玩，我妈妈跟我说我这样做的话狗就会想要追牛，而让牛动起来是绝对不行的。搞笑的是现在我跟我妈讲，她都完全不记得跟我说过这件事。
airpodwearer
Not really messed up but I was told that watermelon seeds would grow inside me and sprout out of my head if I swallowed them. Needless to say, I cried until I threw up when I accidentally swallowed watermelon seeds.
并不算特别糟糕，爸妈跟我说我要是把西瓜籽吞进去的话，它会在我身体里长大，最后从我脑袋里长出来。不用说，我不小心吞了西瓜籽之后哭到吐。
Not really messed up but I was told that watermelon seeds would grow inside me and sprout out of my head if I swallowed them. Needless to say, I cried until I threw up when I accidentally swallowed watermelon seeds.
并不算特别糟糕，爸妈跟我说我要是把西瓜籽吞进去的话，它会在我身体里长大，最后从我脑袋里长出来。不用说，我不小心吞了西瓜籽之后哭到吐。
mr-vizla
That if I ate too many candy ants would come out of my ass
假如我吃太多糖，蚂蚁就会从我屁股里爬出来。
That if I ate too many candy ants would come out of my ass
假如我吃太多糖，蚂蚁就会从我屁股里爬出来。
Intelligent_Emu5969
More ridiculous than anything else, but my dad told me that if I drank Mountain Dew, I wouldn’t be able to have kids. For a solid three or four days, I was really sad about never having kids, until he finally told me.
比别的都搞笑，我爸跟我说假如我喝激浪的话，我就生不了孩子。有那么三四天，我都因为以后再也不能有孩子而非常难过，直到他跟我说清楚。
More ridiculous than anything else, but my dad told me that if I drank Mountain Dew, I wouldn’t be able to have kids. For a solid three or four days, I was really sad about never having kids, until he finally told me.
比别的都搞笑，我爸跟我说假如我喝激浪的话，我就生不了孩子。有那么三四天，我都因为以后再也不能有孩子而非常难过，直到他跟我说清楚。
Funny now, but it really messed me up for those couple days.
现在想来很搞笑，但那几天我真的超级难受。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
现在想来很搞笑，但那几天我真的超级难受。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Kristyk_fatgirl
Wholesome one : I grew up with my grandparents for some years and we would always drive this specific route to visit family in Arizona. I would often ride shotgun with my Grandpa since everyone else would want to sleep during the drive.
讲个健全的：我跟我爷爷奶奶住了几年，我们总是会沿着同一条路开到我在亚利桑那的家。我经常和爷爷坐副驾驶，因为别人都想睡觉。
Wholesome one : I grew up with my grandparents for some years and we would always drive this specific route to visit family in Arizona. I would often ride shotgun with my Grandpa since everyone else would want to sleep during the drive.
讲个健全的：我跟我爷爷奶奶住了几年，我们总是会沿着同一条路开到我在亚利桑那的家。我经常和爷爷坐副驾驶，因为别人都想睡觉。
Often on the trip he would say “ I smell water.” And then sure enough.. we would pass water and I was like “ Dang! That’s cool!” He did this a lot and I always thought my grandpa has a really good sense for water.
在路上他会说“我闻到水了。”然后我们肯定会开过一片水域，我当时就感觉“妈耶！酷！”他经常这么干，我一直以为我爷爷对水非常敏感。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
在路上他会说“我闻到水了。”然后我们肯定会开过一片水域，我当时就感觉“妈耶！酷！”他经常这么干，我一直以为我爷爷对水非常敏感。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Only in my 20s, when reflecting back, did I realize he was lying and had just memorized the driving route and knew when we’d be passing by water.
到20岁之后，我回忆起这件事的时候，才想起来他在骗我们，他只不过是记住了那条路上我们什么时候会经过水而已。
到20岁之后，我回忆起这件事的时候，才想起来他在骗我们，他只不过是记住了那条路上我们什么时候会经过水而已。
Robcobes
"Our tv is not compatible with a Nintendo 64."
“我们家电视不兼容N64。”
"Our tv is not compatible with a Nintendo 64."
“我们家电视不兼容N64。”
Years later my mom is still proud of getting away with that one.
过了好几年，我妈都因为拿这种理由骗到了我特别自豪。
过了好几年，我妈都因为拿这种理由骗到了我特别自豪。
John_Wicks_fn_pencil
That if threw rocks at night, little people would come and take me away. They told me thats what happened to our neighbors kid
假如我在晚上扔石头，就会有小人儿过来把我带走，邻居家的孩子就是这么没的。
That if threw rocks at night, little people would come and take me away. They told me thats what happened to our neighbors kid
假如我在晚上扔石头，就会有小人儿过来把我带走，邻居家的孩子就是这么没的。
They just moved away
他们只是搬走了
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
他们只是搬走了
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
RoyalHistoria
When I was a kid my mum told me that drinking coke caused cancer. Pretty sure she was just trying to keep me from consuming too many soft drinks.
我小的时候妈妈跟我说喝可乐会致癌。我敢肯定她只是不想让我喝太多软饮料而已。
When I was a kid my mum told me that drinking coke caused cancer. Pretty sure she was just trying to keep me from consuming too many soft drinks.
我小的时候妈妈跟我说喝可乐会致癌。我敢肯定她只是不想让我喝太多软饮料而已。
joudpood
Not sure if this counts but whenever I wanted to stay home by myself, my mom would say that I HAVE to come otherwise the police will know that I'm not with them.
不知道这个算不算，但我想自己一个人待在家里的时候，我妈妈都会说我必须过来，要不然警察会知道我没跟着他们在一起的。
Not sure if this counts but whenever I wanted to stay home by myself, my mom would say that I HAVE to come otherwise the police will know that I'm not with them.
不知道这个算不算，但我想自己一个人待在家里的时候，我妈妈都会说我必须过来，要不然警察会知道我没跟着他们在一起的。
How the fuck does that work, there is barely any police in sight.
那他妈怎么可能，根本看不见警察。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
那他妈怎么可能，根本看不见警察。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Btw this was a long time ago
顺便这是很久以前了
顺便这是很久以前了
Erinome2k
You can only get Happy Meals on your birthday.
只有在过生日的那天才能吃开心乐园餐。
You can only get Happy Meals on your birthday.
只有在过生日的那天才能吃开心乐园餐。
Edit:thank you for all the upvotes. I knew I wasn’t the only one
编辑：谢谢你们的点赞。我就知道我不是一个人。
编辑：谢谢你们的点赞。我就知道我不是一个人。
BeligaPadela
Parent here.. I used to sneakily switch off the TV when my 2 year old wasn't watching, and look up from my book surprised and say, "Oh, the TV's run out of battery! Let's give it time to charge.."
我是个家长……我会趁我的两岁孩子没看见的时候偷偷把电视关掉，然后惊讶地抬起头来说，“哦，电视没电啦！让我们给它点时间充会儿电吧……”
Parent here.. I used to sneakily switch off the TV when my 2 year old wasn't watching, and look up from my book surprised and say, "Oh, the TV's run out of battery! Let's give it time to charge.."
我是个家长……我会趁我的两岁孩子没看见的时候偷偷把电视关掉，然后惊讶地抬起头来说，“哦，电视没电啦！让我们给它点时间充会儿电吧……”
She once came back from a playdate at a friend's place claiming she watched lots of Peppa Pig, and their TV never ran out of battery!
她有一次去朋友家玩，回来之后说她看了好多集小猪佩奇，他们家电视从来都没没电过！
她有一次去朋友家玩，回来之后说她看了好多集小猪佩奇，他们家电视从来都没没电过！
4IamTheTodd
Our house was always hot in the summer. At 11, I finally got tired of lying awake sweating, so I pulled a box fan out of the closet and turned it on.
我们家的房子在夏天一直很热。11岁那年我实在受不了躺在床上一边出汗一边睡不着了，于是我从柜子里拖出一个电风扇来吹。
Our house was always hot in the summer. At 11, I finally got tired of lying awake sweating, so I pulled a box fan out of the closet and turned it on.
我们家的房子在夏天一直很热。11岁那年我实在受不了躺在床上一边出汗一边睡不着了，于是我从柜子里拖出一个电风扇来吹。
My mom turned it off in the middle of the night and woke me up to say not to use it. That the reason that my friend couldn’t use the left half of his face was because of sleeping under a fan and squinting on that side because of the breeze.
半夜我妈妈把它关了，然后把我叫醒，跟我说不许用。她说我朋友左半边脸不能动，眼睛斜视的原因就是睡觉的时候吹风扇着凉了。
半夜我妈妈把它关了，然后把我叫醒，跟我说不许用。她说我朋友左半边脸不能动，眼睛斜视的原因就是睡觉的时候吹风扇着凉了。
Years later I find out the friend had a stroke, and realized my parents had a fan over their bed keeping them cool at night.
过了好几年我才发现我那个朋友是得了中风，并且我爸妈床的头顶上就有个风扇，天天晚上吹。
过了好几年我才发现我那个朋友是得了中风，并且我爸妈床的头顶上就有个风扇，天天晚上吹。
Sufficient-Opinion52
One day I was eating chocolates then why father told me don't eat or insect will come out of ur mouth .(if u eat many chocolates)
有一天我在吃巧克力，然后我爸跟我说别吃，不然（假如我吃太多巧克力的话）就会有虫子从我的嘴里跑出来。
One day I was eating chocolates then why father told me don't eat or insect will come out of ur mouth .(if u eat many chocolates)
有一天我在吃巧克力，然后我爸跟我说别吃，不然（假如我吃太多巧克力的话）就会有虫子从我的嘴里跑出来。
SO I STARTED eating insects ...
于是我开始吃虫子……
于是我开始吃虫子……
Midas_Artflower
When my brother and I were young, we had a pet rabbit, who lived in a pen in the backyard. My father had some seedling trees, also growing in the backyard. One night she got out, ate the tops of the seedlings, killing them all, and was subsequently “given away.” When I got older and got a firmer grasp on my parents’ personalities, I realized that we had been fed that rabbit as fried chicken.
在我和我兄弟还小的时候，我们养了一只宠物兔，住在后院的窝里。我爸种了几株树苗，也在后院。有天晚上兔子跑出去了，把树苗的尖都吃了，树苗都死了，于是兔子就被“送走”了。长大之后，随着我对父母的性格更加了解，我意识到那天吃的炸鸡就是那只兔子。
When my brother and I were young, we had a pet rabbit, who lived in a pen in the backyard. My father had some seedling trees, also growing in the backyard. One night she got out, ate the tops of the seedlings, killing them all, and was subsequently “given away.” When I got older and got a firmer grasp on my parents’ personalities, I realized that we had been fed that rabbit as fried chicken.
在我和我兄弟还小的时候，我们养了一只宠物兔，住在后院的窝里。我爸种了几株树苗，也在后院。有天晚上兔子跑出去了，把树苗的尖都吃了，树苗都死了，于是兔子就被“送走”了。长大之后，随着我对父母的性格更加了解，我意识到那天吃的炸鸡就是那只兔子。
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