网帖翻译

Bill Cordingley
How can I be happy? Hmmm. Many, many people feel just as you do, especially these days. Life can be very challenging and it’s easy to find ourselves feeling isolated and alone. And unhappy.
I have a number of useful, effective suggestions for you but before I get to them I think it important to single out one in particular:

我怎样才能快乐？嗯，很多人都和你一样，尤其是现在,生活充满挑战，我们很容易感到孤独和孤立,而且不开心。
我有许多有用的，有效的建议给你，但在我得到他们之前，我认为重要的是要特别挑选一个：
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Suggestion #1: The smartest thing to do first
Quora is wonderful. As you know, there are many caring, learned, giving people here who have a lot to offer. (I love this site!)
But do you know who here is truly qualified to address your issues? Also, none of us knows you and your exact circumstances (though you’ve given some helpful detail).
That’s why my first, best suggestion is to stop relying on Quora exclusively as your lifeline and look around for professional help, from people who are trained in depression and similar patterns.
(I don’t know if you’re clinically depressed but it would be irresponsible of me not to suggest you seek out treatment for similar problems, just in case. I don’t know where you live but in the US counties often have psychological and medical services that are free or very low cost. )
Also, you say you can’t talk to your family. Who else can you talk to? Do you have friends who have mature, caring parents you could connect with about this? How about minister? How about a favorite teacher, present or past?
Ask yourself …outloud: “Who do I know who could help me with this challenge? Who could provide me effective guidance I can use?” These are powerful questions when you ask them trusting answers will come and asking with sincere desire and purpose. Just don’t hold your breath waiting for those responses or expecting them to come in some form. Just ask and let them go. See what shows up naturally over time.)
I’m going to assume for the moment you agree with that suggestion and you’re going to jump on it right away. So I’m also going to make some further suggestions that have come from my experience below.

建议一：先做最聪明的事
Quora这个网站太棒了。如你所知，这里有许多关心、博学、乐于助人的人，他们可以提供很多东西(我喜欢这个网站！）
但你知道谁真正有资格解决你的问题吗？而且，我们都不知道你和你的具体情况（尽管你提供了一些有用的细节）。
这就是为什么我的第一个，也是最好的建议是停止完全依赖Quora，从那些受过抑郁症和类似模式训练的人那里寻找专业的帮助。
我不知道你是否患有临床抑郁症，但我不建议你为类似问题寻求治疗，这是不负责任的。我不知道你住在哪里，但在美国，郡里通常有免费或非常低成本的心理和医疗服务。）
还有，你说你不能和家人说话。那你还能和谁说话？你有没有成熟的朋友，你能和关心你的父母沟通吗？牧师呢？你最喜欢的老师是现的在还是过去的？
大声问自己：“我知道谁能帮我应对这个挑战？谁能为我提供有效的指导？当你问他们这些问题时，他们会给出可靠的答案，并要带着真诚的态度和目标来问。只是不要屏住呼吸等待那些回应或者期待它们以某种形式出现。只要问他们就行了。看看随着时间的推移，答案会自然出现。
我现在假设你同意这个建议，你马上就开始行动。因此，我也将从下面的经验中进一步提出一些建议。

Suggestion #2: Happiness is always available…How to access it
Understand this: Happiness does not come from outside us, from what we do or own or who we know or who loves us or whom we love.
Anything we do to feel better may make us feel better but it’ll be temporary and not really what we’re looking for. Buying things – temporary. Reaching a goal at work – temporary. Achieving something – temporary. Having more money – temporary. You get the idea.
What you want, what you’re really asking for, is lasting happiness. That comes exclusively from within ourselves.
The question is: How can we access it?

建议二：幸福总是可以得到的，如何获得它？
明白这一点：幸福不是来自我们的外部，不是来自我们所做的或拥有的，也不是来自我们认识的人、爱我们的人或我们爱的人。
任何让我们感觉更好的事情都可能让我们感觉更好，但这只是暂时的，并不是我们真正想要的。购物——带来临时快乐。在工作中达成目标-暂时快乐。取得一些成就——暂时快乐。有更多的钱-暂时快乐。你明白了吧。
你真正想要的，是持久的幸福。那完全来自我们自己。
问题是：我们如何开启它？

Suggestion #3: Putting attention on what you like and want
Start small, Start by focusing your attention on one good thing in your life, something you like that makes you feel good. It could be a flower in your garden or a stone or a DVD or a book or a TV show or a color or a song or whatever.
Take this thing in your hand, if you can, and focus carefully on it. Breathe slowly and deeply and notice how it makes you feel happy, even just a little. Keep doing that for a minute or so.
Let yourself feel that little bit of happiness. This is important! Breathe and enjoy this obxt or experience and feel even the little feelings of happiness it brings up in you.
Repeat with other obxts, going slowly and really feeling into the bits of joy they bring or have brought.

建议三：关注自己喜欢和想要的东西
从小处着手。首先，把你的注意力集中在你生活中一些你喜欢的能让你感觉良好的事情上。它可以是你花园里的一朵花，一块石头，一张DVD，一本书，一个电视节目，一种颜色，一首歌，等等。
如果可以的话，把这东西拿在手里，仔细地集中精力。慢慢地深呼吸，注意它是如何让你感到快乐的，哪怕只是一点点，并坚持一分钟左右。
让自己感受那一点点幸福。这很重要！呼吸并享受这个物体或体验，感受它带给你的快乐。
找其他事情重复，慢慢地，真正地感受到他们带来或已经带来的快乐。

Suggestion #4: Refocusing away from what you don’t like or want
Next, start taking your attention off what you don’t like in your life. Your mind will want to keep focusing there but you need to re-focus it onto the positives.
When you start thinking a negative thought about X, say to yourself “Hey, wait a minute. Thiking about X is my old habit. I’m forming a new habit of focusing on what I like, what I want, the good things in my life. I choose to focus now on one of these.” And then re-focus your attention on something that makes you feel good (See Suggestion #3).
This is important because by focusing on what you want, you send energy to that and you eventually stop sending your energy/attention to what you don’t want. Slowly you’ll find your attention shifting to the positive naturally.

建议四：重新关注你不喜欢或不想要的东西
接下来，开始把注意力从你生活中不喜欢的事情上移开。你的思想会想继续集中在那里，但你需要重新聚焦到积极的方面。
当你开始对某事产生消极的想法时，对自己说“嘿，等一下。想某事是我的老习惯。我正在养成一个新习惯，专注于我喜欢的，我想要的，我生活中的美好事物。我现在选择关注其中一个事“然后把注意力重新集中在让你感觉良好的事情上。
这一点很重要，因为通过专注于你想要的东西，你会给它注入能量，最终你会停止把精力/注意力放在你不想要的东西上。慢慢地你会发现你的注意力自然地转移到积极的方面。

Suggestion #5: Developing gratitude
Next, start developing a habit of gratitude. By that I mean look around you for something, anything, large or small, to be grateful for.
Is it a sunny day? Are you breathing clean air? Is there an aroma you smell that you enjoy? A tasty beverage? Is there a beautiful tree outside you can look at and like? How about a bird?
Or if you’re inside, look around and spot things in the room that you like, things that bring you some joy. Or notice that you have a window and how nice that is. Or that you have space to yourself and how nice that is.
Or even that you have clothes to wear. Or a place to live. Or friends. Or family.
What are some things you take for granted? There’s a bunch! Pick one of those, if you want.
So…take one of those things, or some other thing, condition, situation, or experience that you like, and then breathe deeply once or twice and let yourself feel how grateful you are for that.
“I feel so grateful for this ____.” And say that out loud. Breathe and say it sincerely, with honest appreciation for it, and even for yourself because you are realizing you are grateful for it.
This exercise is about experiencing. So really let yourself experience feeling it. Breathe and feel. Breathe and feel. Breathe and feel.
Just stay in that place of gratitude for a minute or two with each item as you breathe and let the feelings grow and expand within you.
Notice: How are you now feeling? Does it make you feel a bit better? Just a bit? Might it even make you smile a bit? (It will eventually if you practice this.)
Now do this exercise for another item or condition in your life. And another. Take your sweet time with each one. Enjoy the process and the feelings that come up. Breathe and enjoy…that’s very important.
The purpose is NOT to complete this exercise. It’s to be in the exercise long enough to help you get in touch with, and develop further, what’s already within you: that you now, already, have the capacity to feel happiness now—and from so many things that are already in your life, large or small.
Practice this daily until it becomes second nature to feel grateful, until it becomes your “go-to” instead of those unhappy feelings you’re experiencing now.
When you’re grateful, when it’s more the norm, you’ll find yourself happier. Unhappiness and gratitude cannot co-exist. You’re learning out to supplant one with the other.

建议五：培养感恩之心
接下来，开始养成感恩的习惯。我的意思是，环顾你的周围，寻找一些值得感激的东西，无论大小。
今天是晴天吗？你呼吸的是干净的空气吗？有你喜欢的香味吗？有可口的饮料？外面有没有一棵美丽的树，你可以看看，喜欢它吗？那只鸟怎么样？
或者，如果你在房间里面，环顾四周，发现房间里你喜欢的东西、给你带来快乐的东西。或者注意到你有一扇窗户，那是多么美好。或者你有自己的空间，这是多么美好。
甚至你有衣服穿。或者住的地方、或者朋友、或者家人。
你认为什么是理所当然的？有很多!如果你想的话，随便选一个。
所以，找一件你喜欢的事情，或其他事情，条件，情况，或经历，然后深呼吸一两次，让自己感到感激。
“我真的很感激你。”大声说出来。深呼吸，真诚地说出来，真诚地感谢它，甚至感谢你自己，因为你意识到你对它心存感激。
这个练习是关于体验的。所以真的让自己体验一下。呼吸再感觉。
只要保持感恩的时刻停留一到两分钟，每件事都伴随着你的呼吸，让这种感觉在你内心成长和扩展。
注意：你现在感觉怎么样？这会让你感觉好些吗？就一点点？会不会让你笑一笑(如果你练习这个，最终会成功的。）
现在为你生活中的另一个项目或条件做这个练习。再下一个。好好享受这个过程和感受。呼吸和享受，这很重要。
目的不是为了完成这个练习。它是在练习中保持足够长的时间来帮助你接触并进一步发展你内在的东西：你现在，已经有能力从你生活中的很多事情中感受到幸福，无论是大的还是小的。
每天练习，直到感恩成为你的第二天性，直到它成为你的“目标”，而不是你现在所经历的那些不快乐的感觉。
当你心存感激，成为常态时，你会发现自己更快乐。不快乐和感激不能共存。你在学习用另一个代替一个。

Suggestion #6: Dealing with negative feelings
Negative feelings come up for all of us and they’re going to keep coming up. There is no avoiding them.
Actually they serve an important purpose: When we feel negative, it’s a signal that we’re on a course that isn’t serving us and that we have an opportunity in that moment to make a new choice, one that will feel better.
What we do “wrong” in those moments, though, with those negative feelings is we try to avoid their discomfort. So we avoid them or resist feeling them or deny they even exist. But that doesn’t work. It just keeps them around longer, as you know.
What’s curious about negative feelings is: They show up even more frequently when we start working on ourselves. SO it’s worth knowing how to deal with them. There are many ways, to be sure. Here’s one that I use from time to time.
I suggest next time, instead of resisting or fighting with or even judging your negative feelings as bad, next time you feel unhappy, do the following:
· Take a long, deep breath.
· See if you can identify more specifically whey you feel unhappy. It’ll be self-judgments or doubts or fears most likely.
· Notice the feeling coming up but without judging it as bad. See it as just an experience.
· Next, let yourself FEEL that negative feeling for a few moments, if only to realize it’s not going to kill you. These emotions scare us, yes, but they won’t harm us.
· In your mind’s eye, look around your body for where you’re storing this feeling. Imagine it’s as real as your body is and it’s taking space in there somewhere. Look around and see if you can spot where. (Hint: Where is your discomfort as you feel it?) If you can’t locate it, that’s fine; assume it’s located all over your body.
· After a few deep and slow breaths, picture where that “negative” energy is and then imagine you’re going in and grabbing onto it and then exhaling it out through your mouth or the top of your head or out the front of your heart. Watch it leave your body and rise up into space and then slowly disappear.
· Nature hates a vacuum. So next go into every part of your body where you imagined the energy you just released was sitting and fill it up with new energy. Here’s how: I suggest you envision a glowing ball of really bright white or golden light (like the sun) beneath you, about twice or three times the size of your body. (If those colors don’t feel right, pick another bright happy color that does feel right.)
· Slowly raise that light ball up through your feet and all the way up through the top of your head until it’s above you…slowly, very slowly…filling all spaces the old energy used to be.
· Finally, thank yourself for doing such good work!

建议六：处理负面情绪
我们所有人都会有消极的情绪，而且会一直持续下去。无法避免它们。
事实上，它们有一个重要的目的：当我们感到消极时，这是一个表面我们走的是一条没有为我们服务的道路的信号，我们在那一刻有机会做出一个新的选择，一个会感觉更好的选择。
然而，在那些消极的时刻，我们做的“错误”是我们试图避免不适。所以我们回避它们，抗拒它们的感觉，甚至否认它们的存在。但这行不通。就像你知道的那样，它能让他们呆得更久。
对负面情绪的好奇之处在于：当我们开始为自己工作时，负面情绪会更频繁地出现。因此，了解如何应对它们是值得的。当然，有很多方法。这是我经常用的。
我建议下一次，不要抗拒或与你的负面情绪作斗争，下一次你感到不快乐时，做以下的事情：
深呼吸。
看看你是否能更明确地确定你感到不快乐的原因。很可能是自我判断、怀疑或恐惧。
注意即将出现的感觉，但不要判断它是坏的。把它看作是一种体验。
接下来，让自己感受一下这种消极情绪，哪怕只是意识到它不会杀死你。这些情绪让我们害怕，是的，但不会伤害我们。
在你的脑海中，环顾你的身体，寻找你储存这种感觉的地方。想象它和你的身体一样真实，它在某处占据空间。环顾四周，看看你能不能找到哪里(提示：你感觉到的不适在哪里？）如果你找不到，那很好；假设它遍布你的身体。
在几次深呼吸和缓慢呼吸之后，想象一下“负”能量在哪里，然后想象你进入并抓住它，然后通过你的嘴呼出它。看着它离开你的身体，上升到太空，然后慢慢消失。
大自然讨厌真空。所以下一步进入你身体的每一个部位，想象你刚刚释放出来能量，用新的能量填满它。方法是这样的：我建议你想象一个由明亮的白色或金色光线（如太阳）组成的发光球在你下面，大约是你身体大小的两到三倍(如果这些颜色感觉不对劲，那就选另一种感觉对劲的明亮快乐的颜色。）
慢慢地把那个光球上升超过过你的脚，一直超过头顶，直到它在你的头顶，慢慢地，非常缓慢地，填满了以前所有能量的空间。
最后，感谢你自己做了这么好的工作！

Suggestion #7: Thoughts about the TED talk
I found the TED talk interesting and certainly valid, at least for me. It makes a number of good points, including mindless routine keeps us stuck, change is good, money doesn’t bring happiness, etc.
But my sense is, for you, this is not applicable yet.
We don’t have to push ourselves to do things that are different, although that can be beneficial.
My sense is you are best served right now by doing some inner work first, for the reasons and using the techniques I described above.
What will happen is, as you do these things, you will slowly change yourself, a little bit and then a little bit more. And as you change your inner experience, your outward experience will change naturally, of its own accord.
Long term, what most often best serves us and our needs and growth is to create change (even small changes) at our core, from which our loves and interests and experiences originate. In other words, change ourselves and we change the trajectory of our lives.
I admit that this may seem like a lot to do. (I want to be helpful to you!) The truth is, you probably won’t find it overwhelming because you’ll be doing these things (a) when you feel like it (no “shoulds”…don’t make yourself!) and (b) one at a time.
This is certainly enough for you to get started addressing your very important question and challenges.
I sincerely hope you find it useful and dive into implementing it as soon as you can!

建议7：关于TED演讲的想法
我觉得TED的演讲很有趣，当然也很有道理，至少对我来说是这样。它有很多优点，包括无意识的例行公事让我们陷入困境，改变是好的，金钱不能带来幸福，等等。
但我的感觉是，对你来说，这还不适用。
我们不必强迫自己去做不同的事情，尽管那是有益的。
我的感觉是，你现在最好先做一些内在的工作，因为原因和使用我上面描述的技巧。
会发生的是，当你做这些事情时，你会慢慢地改变自己，一点点，然后再多一点点。当你改变你的内在体验时，你的外在体验也会自然而然地改变。
从长远来看，最能为我们和我们的需求和成长服务的，往往是在我们的核心创造变化（即使是微小的变化），我们的爱、兴趣和经历都来自于此。换句话说，改变我们自己，我们就改变了我们生活的轨迹。
我承认这似乎有很多事情要做(我想对你有所帮助！）事实是，你可能不会觉得它让人难以忍受，因为你会做这些事情：a，当你想做的时候；b，一次一件。
这当然足够让你开始解决你非常重要的问题和挑战。
我真诚地希望你能发现它有用，并尽快着手实施它！

Akash Bhalla, Software Engineer at JPMorgan Chase (2018-present)
Happiness is not something which one can buy from a shop or lend it for a while in-fact happiness is not a property or an asset rather it is a way of living life i.e what practices someone is following on a day to day basis, how someone is perceiving others and their surroundings.
We must have observed that few people who even after earning less are happier and jovial compared to someone earning high chunks of money, the reason associated with that is the latter ones condition their happiness, on the contrary, the former ones have an unconditioned style of staying happy.
There are more than 8700 books written about how to achieve happiness but all eventually consolidate to a few common points i.e mainly seven things.
If a person can inculcate these habits in one’s life then nothing can stop someone from living and enjoying a happy life. These are—

幸福不是一个人可以从商店买来或借出一段时间的东西，事实上幸福不是一种财产或资产，而是一种生活方式，也就是说，一个人每天都在遵循什么样的实践，一个人是如何感知他人和周围环境的。
我们一定已经注意到，赚的钱减少后的人很少比那些赚的钱变多的人更快乐、原因在于赚钱变少会影响他们的快乐，相反，赚钱变多会无条件地保持快乐。
关于如何获得幸福的书籍有8700多本，但最终都凝聚成几个共同点，即主要是七件事。
如果一个人可以在自己的生活中灌输这些习惯，那么没有什么可以阻止一个人享受幸福的生活。这些都是：

1.Gratitude———Try Reading —” The Magic book”
Be thankful to your parents.
Be thankful to your stakeholders.
Be thankful to your friends.
Be thankful to your Gurus(Teachers).

感恩——尝试阅读——《魔法书》
感谢你的父母。
感谢你的利益相关者。
感谢你的朋友。
感谢你的导师(老师)。

2. Forgiveness——— Just like our heart vessels get blocks due to unhealthy lifestyle, similarly one gets inner blocks i.e in one's soul and mind keeps getting choked with time if one is not used to the habit of forgiving others.
Try forgiving people who make small mistakes in the past and making you hold a grudge for them.
Try forgiving people who treated you bad especially relatives, friends.
Try forgiving someone who offended you intentionally and unintentionally.

宽恕——就像不健康的生活方式会阻塞我们的血管一样，如果一个人没有习惯宽恕别人，他的灵魂和思想就会随着时间的流逝而堵塞。
试着原谅那些在过去犯小错误的人，曾让你对他们怀恨在心。
试着原谅那些对你不好的人，尤其是亲戚和朋友。
试着原谅那些有意无意冒犯你的人。

3. Travelling——- I have a friend who is a doctor when I told him about this habit he complained by saying -” I have been to more than 3 countries but still don't feel happy ” then I told him if you'll travel with pharmaceutical companies perks you cannot achieve happiness, try traveling with your own money and you'll feel the difference.
Travel to the best places in your town.
Travel to good places around you.
Travel to your home (if one stays away).
Travel to new countries.

旅行,我有一个朋友是医生,当我告诉他这个习惯他抱怨说,“我已经旅行超过了三个国家,但仍没感到快乐”然后我告诉他如果你旅行是制药公司福利，你不能获得快乐,用自己的钱旅行,你会感觉不同。
去城里最好的地方旅游。
去你周围的好地方旅游。
回家(如果长期不在家的话)。
去新的国家旅行。

4. Forgetness—— God has given us a very nice and natural tool to forget things i.e sleep so try taking proper sleep.
Forget about your monetary losses.
Forget about bad things in life.
Try to think about good things.
Forget about bad experiences with your dates{ if any}.

健忘——上帝给了我们一个很好的自然的健忘工具，比如睡觉，所以试着睡个好觉。
忘记你损失的金钱。
忘记生活中不好的事情。
试着往好的方面想。
忘记和你约会的糟糕经历(如果有的话)。

5. Learning—— Try following newtons phrase “Standing on the shoulders of giants”
Try reading new books.
Try learning interesting things i.e tech, hacks, etc.
Try learning good behavior.

学习——试着用牛顿的话“站在巨人的肩膀上”
试着读些新书。
尝试学习一些有趣的东西，比如技术、技巧等等。
试着学习良好的行为举止。

6. Relationships—— Most of the times it happens that while being on the voyage of success one ignores their loved ones only to find out later that for whom they went on this voyage are no more and the only flower laid cold graves are left behind.
Talk to your parents take care of their happiness.
Take care of your near and dear ones
Take care of people who are concerned about you

人际关系——大多数时候，在成功的旅途上，一个人忽视了自己所爱的人，而后来才发现，他们在旅途中为之奋斗的人已经不在了，而留下的只有放在冰冷坟墓里的花朵。
和你的父母谈谈，照顾他们的幸福。
照顾好你最亲近的人
照顾那些关心你的人

7. Honesty——-In south Asian countries you'll find many high-grade officers and persons who even after achieving so much in their lives are always uncertain and unhappy because at the back of their mind they know how they made so much wealth and one can always find a sense of uncertainty associated with them.
Be honest with your work.
Be honest with your day to day dealings.
Be honest with yourself.
Be honest with the decisions you make in your life.
Adding a tale to that relationship point —- I have been staying away from my house(parents) for more than 5 yrs. In these 5 birthdays, I have celebrated 4 of them all alone { Cause I avoid making friends} and I can tell you that I had tears in my eyes throughout those four birthdays whereas on one of the birthdays my parents paid me a visit and I celebrated with them and trust me I felt heavenly that day.
In short, never ever condition your happiness in the form of achieving and proclaiming stuff rather try to inculcate the above-mentioned points.

.诚实——在南亚国家，你会发现许多高级官员和人，即使在他们的生活中取得了这么大的成就，他们也总是不快乐，因为在他们的内心深处，他们知道自己是如何获得这么多财富的，人们总能找到与他们有关的不确定感。
诚实对待你的工作。
诚实对待你的日常工作。
对自己诚实。
诚实对待你在生活中所做的决定。
我已经离开家（父母）5年多了。在这5个生日里，我已经独自庆祝了其中的四个生日{因为我避免交朋友}，我可以告诉你，在这四个生日中，我的眼睛一直在流泪，而在其中一个生日，我的父母来看了我，我和他们一起庆祝，相信我，那天我觉得自己是天堂。
简言之，永远不要把你的幸福放在成就和宣扬的形式上，而要努力灌输上述几点。

However, gaining understanding of human psychology will give you significant insights into what happiness really is and how you can achieve it.
Here are some general points worth considering.
1) You have to allow yourself to be a human. One cannot go through life without sadness. Human beings have emotions and they form up the core of us and have extensive tie with our physiological well-being It is a simple fact. Suppressing a certain emotion, or trying to ignore a certain emotion will likely make it worse. Be it happiness or sadness, ignoring these emotions and trying to act tough will only be a temporary solution.
2) Human are social animals and to be happy and psychological resistant to external pressure, one will have to sustain the three social elements of life: relationship with family, relationship with friends, and relationship with lover. I would say that the importance of the three would be similar, yet, family stability is the most important among the three. This can be explained by the famous Maslow's hierarchy of needs. A stable family gives you a sense of security.
3) It is impossible not to compare ourselves with our peers (i.e. people surrounding us). The influence that the people have around us is the strongest and ties most extensively with our emotions. In fact, comparing ourselves with our peers is more of a basic instinct. Economists have always pondered why people in developed economies are suffering from increasingly serious illness. They found out that once material well being (i.e. physiological stability and safety are achieved) is obtained primarily, people will start to compare with each other automatically (it can be viewed as a pursue of self esteem, referring to the hierarchy of needs). This is the reason why kids should not be blamed for being unhappy even if they have material well-being that previous generations have not experience before. This is because people do not have a definite standard for well-being, as human beings are almost adaptable to all living conditions (we adapt very quickly to all living conditions, be it good or bad, this trait is important for our survival). In fact, theoretically, you will never become satisfied in this sense. Therefore, it is important to note point 4.

以下是一些值得考虑的要点：
你必须让自己成为一个人。人的一生不可能没有悲伤。人类有情感，它们构成了我们的核心，与我们的生理健康有着广泛的联系，这是一个简单的事实。压抑某种情绪，或者试图忽略某种情绪，可能会使情况变得更糟。不管是快乐还是悲伤，忽视这些情绪，努力表现得强硬只会是暂时的解决办法。
人是社会性动物，要想获得快乐并在心理上抵御外部压力，就必须维持生活中的三个社会要素：与家人的关系、与朋友的关系和与爱人的关系。我想说的是，三者的重要性是相似的，然而，家庭稳定是三者中最重要的。这可以用著名的马斯洛的需求层次来解释。一个稳定的家庭给你一种安全感。
我们不可能不与我们的同龄人（即我们周围的人）进行比较。我们周围的人对我们的影响是最强烈的，并且与我们的情感联系最为广泛。事实上，与同龄人比较更像是一种本能。经济学家一直在思考，为什么发达经济体的人患上越来越严重的疾病。他们发现，一旦基本上获得了物质上的幸福（即生理上的稳定和安全），人们就会开始自动地相互比较（这可以被看作是对自尊的追求，指的是需求的层次）。这就是为什么孩子们不应该因为不快乐而受到责备的原因，即使他们拥有前几代人从未经历过的物质幸福。这是因为人们对幸福没有一个明确的标准，因为人类几乎能适应所有的生活条件（我们能很快适应所有的生活条件，不管是好是坏，这一特点对我们的生存都很重要）。事实上，从理论上讲，你永远不会满足。因此，必须注意下面这一点。

4) Focus on things that stretches your experience. This can be achieved through by doing things like going to music concerts, traveling wide, reading wide, learning new things (which gives you a sense of achievement). For the same reason in 3), you will likely get used to material well-being very quickly (like a new house or a new car), instead, experiencing new things will give you a long term satisfaction when you recall them. Therefore, money can be a very powerful tool to buy you high quality experience, if you know how to utilize it carefully.
5) Fantasizing about how good your future is will give you a temporary boost in morale, but will hinder your productivity in the long term. This is because they will give you a false sense of security. Of course, this can be a great way to motivate yourself. Just don't do it too often.
6) This point is for those who feel unlucky all the time. If you view luck as something that can be defined in definite terms and quantity (like amount of wealth), then life is certainly unfair. However, if you ignore where you started in the beginning of your life, throughout your life time, it is very statistically likely that your luck and lack of luck will balance out in the long term. (This is a general case, however.) In fact, in the long run, life will likely give you what you deserve, therefore, it is up to you to find out what you want and try to achieve your goals.
7) This brings me to my seventh point. Find out what you want is in fact very difficult. However, to quote Steve Jobs, "when you find what you love, you will know it. Keep looking, don't settle." I am not too sure if the Steve Jobs model is universally applicable, as I do think that his happiness is based on a considerable degree of luck (what he liked doing, i.e. inventing I.T. products, was simultaneously the hottest thing going in the world when he was doing it. His success in I.T. gave him a huge financial and spiritual reward since the world at that time cared about the I.T.) However, Steve Jobs's quote fits the model of happiness in positive psychology. Of course, the best thing that you should do is something that gives you present and future happiness. This principle is very vague and is quite difficult to apply in real life. however, it gives us insight into making life decisions. My best advice will be to try to balance out present and future happiness. However, this can be the most difficult thing to determine. This will be something that everyone should try to solve themselves.

把注意力放在那些能扩展你经验的事情上。这可以通过做一些事情来实现，比如去听音乐会，旅行，阅读，学习新事物（这会给你成就感）。出于同样的原因，你很可能很快就会习惯物质上的幸福（比如新房子或新车），相反，当你回忆起新事物时，经历新事物会给你带来长期的满足感。因此，如果你知道如何谨慎地使用金钱，金钱可以成为一个非常强大的工具来为你购买高质量的体验。
幻想你的未来有多美好会让你的士气暂时得到提升，但从长远来看会阻碍你的工作效率。这是因为他们会给你一种虚假的安全感。当然，这是激励自己的好方法。只是不要经常这么做。
这一点是针对那些总是感到不幸的人。如果你认为运气可以用一定的术语和数量来定义（比如财富的数量），那么生活肯定是不公平的。然而，在你的整个人生中，从统计数据来看，你的运气的好坏很有可能在长期内是平衡的。(不过，这是一般情况。)事实上，从长远来看，生活很可能会给你你应得的，因此，它是由你去发现你想要什么，并努力实现你的目标。
这就引出了我的第七点。找出你想要的东西实际上是非常困难的。然而，引用史蒂夫·乔布斯的话，“当你找到你喜欢的东西时，你就会知道。我不太确定史蒂夫·乔布斯的模式是否普遍适用，因为我确实认为他的幸福是建立在相当程度的运气基础上的（他喜欢做的事，即发明IT产品，同时也是他做的这件事是世界上最热门的事）。他在信息技术领域的成功给了他巨大的经济和精神回报，因为当时的世界都关心信息技术。）然而，史蒂夫·乔布斯的这句话符合积极心理学中的幸福模式。当然，你应该做的最好的事情是给你现在和未来的幸福。这一原则非常模糊，很难在现实生活中应用。然而，它让我们洞察人生决策。我最好的建议是尽量平衡现在和将来的幸福。然而，这可能是最难确定的事情。这将是每个人都应该自己解决的问题。