找伴侣难吗?为什么?(二)
正文翻译
Is finding a partner hard? Why?
找伴侣难吗?为什么?
Is finding a partner hard? Why?
找伴侣难吗?为什么?
评论翻译
Ajita Barik
That's because the need of any human being in our lives is diminishing; except for sex and emotional support, everything else can be achieved by a single person. People can adopt or be single parent if they want kids, they have enough income to survive alone, have own vehicles, have their own independence. Many don't feel the requirement of a partner- all problems can be sorted by money and technology.
On top of it, we are in mid of a rapid change in culture in India, we have older parents who want to preserve their traditions, we as individuals resist to some of them, we are hesitant to be a partner for another person and fight with his/her family's preset customs! Ex: A girl may like to wear shorts at home, she is happy in hostels or her own independent house. At her parents' house, her own dad might not like that, neither would her in-laws. And she knows that her husband wants to stay with his parents. This is a simple example- there are many day-to-day habits people don't want to change when they get into relationships and in India it's not just about a girl or boy, it's about whole family. The guy is also worried about the wife’s mentality matching with his parents and the pressure on his existing lifestyle schedule, he has to give time to her too. He also is resistant to change.
In short, we (both genders) won't like to change ourselves. We want our partners to change to fit in our life.
Me? I get up at 6:30 and prefer to make a hot cup of tea for myself first and then work on cooking breakfast and lunch. I don't need adults' advice on changing it to making coffee for whole family or first having breakfast and then have my tea. In the evenings, I prefer to order out if my cook takes a leave; I don't like doing household chores that can be offloaded with small amount of money. I read, grow plants, teach maths and Sanskrit to kids: basically I do what I am good at and helps me to grow as a person. That's another story that I know how to cook/clean but it doesn't mean that I would do it everyday: it's for emergency only. So probably I won't fit in the requirement of ideal Indian MasterChef wife or watching Ekta Kapoor TV show daughter-in-law although my Rotis are perfect round. Some man in similar situation as mine would not want to take risk of having another woman like me arguing with his mom on whether tea or coffee should be made in the kitchen or not! He knows that he can't change his own parents's traditional lifestyle, an independent woman can't fit into their requirements and he can't stay separate because he loves them. A working woman might demand his time when she is free after office hours and he doesn't actually have it because he has a fixed routine of life with each member of his current family already. Who has more than 24 hours? Many people like me and him are hence misfits for traditional roles, so we better like to be single than create misery in others' lives: this applies to both men and women. Unless people seriously fall in love or feel totally comfortable with each other, the adjustment model that used to work fine in last century doesn't work out for today's generation.
那是因为我们生活中任何人的需求都在减少；除了性和情感支持，其他一切都可以由一个人完成。如果想要孩子，人们可以领养或选择成为单亲家长，他们有足够的收入独自生存，有自己的交通工具，自己能独立。许多人并不认为需要伴侣—所有的问题都可以通过资金和技术来解决。
最重要的是，我们印度文化正处于快速变化之中，我们有希望保留其传统的年长父母，作为抵制其中一些传统的我们，我们犹豫是否要成为另一个人的伴侣，并与他/她的家庭习俗作斗争！女孩可能喜欢在家里穿短裤，她在旅馆或自己独立的房子里很开心。在她父母家，她自己的父亲可能不喜欢，她的姻亲也不喜欢。她知道她的丈夫想和他的父母住在一起。这是一个简单的例子—有许多日常习惯，人们在恋爱时不想改变它。在印度，这不仅仅是一个女孩或男孩的问题，而是整个家庭的问题。这名男子还担心妻子与父母的心理匹配，以及他现有生活的压力，他也必须给她时间。他也抵制改变。
简言之，我们（无论男女）都不愿意改变自己。我们希望我们的伴侣改变以适应我们的生活。
我6:30起床，喜欢先为自己泡一杯热茶，然后做早餐和午餐。我不需要大人的建议，把它改为给全家煮咖啡，或者先吃早餐，然后喝茶。晚上，如果我的厨师请假，我更喜欢点餐；我不喜欢做那些可以用很少的钱来搞定的家务活。我阅读，种植植物，教孩子数学和梵语：基本上我做我擅长的事情，帮助我成长。另外知道如何烹饪/清洁，但这并不意味着我每天都会做：这只是为了紧急情况。
所以我可能不符合做理想的印度妻子是大厨的要求，也不符合Ekta Kapoor电视电视节目中媳妇的要求，有些和我处境相似的男人不想冒险让另一个像我一样的女人和他妈妈争论是否应该在在厨房泡茶或咖啡！他知道他不能改变自己父母的传统生活方式，一个独立的女人不能满足他们的要求，他不能因为爱他们而分开。一个职业女性可能会在下班后有空的时候要求他的时间，而他实际上没有时间，因为他已经和他现在的家庭成员有了固定的生活习惯。谁的工作时间超过24小时？因此，许多像我和他这样的人会与传统角色格格不入，因此我们更喜欢单身，而不是在别人的生活中制造痛苦：这对男人和女人都适用。除非人们真的坠入爱河或彼此感到完全舒适，否则上个世纪曾经运作良好的模式对今天这一代人来说是行不通的。
That's because the need of any human being in our lives is diminishing; except for sex and emotional support, everything else can be achieved by a single person. People can adopt or be single parent if they want kids, they have enough income to survive alone, have own vehicles, have their own independence. Many don't feel the requirement of a partner- all problems can be sorted by money and technology.
On top of it, we are in mid of a rapid change in culture in India, we have older parents who want to preserve their traditions, we as individuals resist to some of them, we are hesitant to be a partner for another person and fight with his/her family's preset customs! Ex: A girl may like to wear shorts at home, she is happy in hostels or her own independent house. At her parents' house, her own dad might not like that, neither would her in-laws. And she knows that her husband wants to stay with his parents. This is a simple example- there are many day-to-day habits people don't want to change when they get into relationships and in India it's not just about a girl or boy, it's about whole family. The guy is also worried about the wife’s mentality matching with his parents and the pressure on his existing lifestyle schedule, he has to give time to her too. He also is resistant to change.
In short, we (both genders) won't like to change ourselves. We want our partners to change to fit in our life.
Me? I get up at 6:30 and prefer to make a hot cup of tea for myself first and then work on cooking breakfast and lunch. I don't need adults' advice on changing it to making coffee for whole family or first having breakfast and then have my tea. In the evenings, I prefer to order out if my cook takes a leave; I don't like doing household chores that can be offloaded with small amount of money. I read, grow plants, teach maths and Sanskrit to kids: basically I do what I am good at and helps me to grow as a person. That's another story that I know how to cook/clean but it doesn't mean that I would do it everyday: it's for emergency only. So probably I won't fit in the requirement of ideal Indian MasterChef wife or watching Ekta Kapoor TV show daughter-in-law although my Rotis are perfect round. Some man in similar situation as mine would not want to take risk of having another woman like me arguing with his mom on whether tea or coffee should be made in the kitchen or not! He knows that he can't change his own parents's traditional lifestyle, an independent woman can't fit into their requirements and he can't stay separate because he loves them. A working woman might demand his time when she is free after office hours and he doesn't actually have it because he has a fixed routine of life with each member of his current family already. Who has more than 24 hours? Many people like me and him are hence misfits for traditional roles, so we better like to be single than create misery in others' lives: this applies to both men and women. Unless people seriously fall in love or feel totally comfortable with each other, the adjustment model that used to work fine in last century doesn't work out for today's generation.
那是因为我们生活中任何人的需求都在减少；除了性和情感支持，其他一切都可以由一个人完成。如果想要孩子，人们可以领养或选择成为单亲家长，他们有足够的收入独自生存，有自己的交通工具，自己能独立。许多人并不认为需要伴侣—所有的问题都可以通过资金和技术来解决。
最重要的是，我们印度文化正处于快速变化之中，我们有希望保留其传统的年长父母，作为抵制其中一些传统的我们，我们犹豫是否要成为另一个人的伴侣，并与他/她的家庭习俗作斗争！女孩可能喜欢在家里穿短裤，她在旅馆或自己独立的房子里很开心。在她父母家，她自己的父亲可能不喜欢，她的姻亲也不喜欢。她知道她的丈夫想和他的父母住在一起。这是一个简单的例子—有许多日常习惯，人们在恋爱时不想改变它。在印度，这不仅仅是一个女孩或男孩的问题，而是整个家庭的问题。这名男子还担心妻子与父母的心理匹配，以及他现有生活的压力，他也必须给她时间。他也抵制改变。
简言之，我们（无论男女）都不愿意改变自己。我们希望我们的伴侣改变以适应我们的生活。
我6:30起床，喜欢先为自己泡一杯热茶，然后做早餐和午餐。我不需要大人的建议，把它改为给全家煮咖啡，或者先吃早餐，然后喝茶。晚上，如果我的厨师请假，我更喜欢点餐；我不喜欢做那些可以用很少的钱来搞定的家务活。我阅读，种植植物，教孩子数学和梵语：基本上我做我擅长的事情，帮助我成长。另外知道如何烹饪/清洁，但这并不意味着我每天都会做：这只是为了紧急情况。
所以我可能不符合做理想的印度妻子是大厨的要求，也不符合Ekta Kapoor电视电视节目中媳妇的要求，有些和我处境相似的男人不想冒险让另一个像我一样的女人和他妈妈争论是否应该在在厨房泡茶或咖啡！他知道他不能改变自己父母的传统生活方式，一个独立的女人不能满足他们的要求，他不能因为爱他们而分开。一个职业女性可能会在下班后有空的时候要求他的时间，而他实际上没有时间，因为他已经和他现在的家庭成员有了固定的生活习惯。谁的工作时间超过24小时？因此，许多像我和他这样的人会与传统角色格格不入，因此我们更喜欢单身，而不是在别人的生活中制造痛苦：这对男人和女人都适用。除非人们真的坠入爱河或彼此感到完全舒适，否则上个世纪曾经运作良好的模式对今天这一代人来说是行不通的。
Beth Barrows, Certified Hypnotist,NLP Practitioner,Life Coach,Weight Loss Consultant,FiberArts
Because you keep looking for what you think you want, but most of that is not realist but an image of perfection you have made up in your mind. In truth you haven't yet figured out what you really need and want. You need to do that first. Make a list of the characteristics you want and could actually, realistically live with in a partner. Don't be afraid to revise and edit it over and over again.
Also because you are chasing after it. Relax, learn to love yourself and you will naturally attract your complement. You won't have to chase because natural attraction will magnetize them to you and you to them.
Every person you meet is your teacher and you are theirs. Every situation contains a group of lessons life is teaching you. So the questions you should ask yourself are: ”What is this person in my life to teach me? What am I in their life to teach them? What lessons are we learning together? How are we supposed to assist one another?” When you do that and recognize that is your responsibility, things go a lot better.
Furthermore assess what you are in relationships for. What do you hope to get? What are you willing to give? Where is the balance between the two?
You are not incomplete with no partner. You don't need anyone to complete you or make you whole. You must do that for yourself in order to be ready for a partner when they show up in your life.
I know this is hard to understand because it's just not like it is in the movies. That isn't reality.
A Course in Miracles says the purpose of relationships is salvation. We save one another through transforming our perceptions. You might find this a helpful concept. This lix might help too.
因为你一直在寻找你认为你想要的，但其中大部分都是不现实的，而是你在脑海中塑造的完美形象。事实上，你还没有弄清楚你真正需要什么和想要什么。你需要先这么做。列出你想要的特征，并且你可以和伴侣共同生活的特征。不要害怕一次又一次地修改和编辑它。
也因为你在追求它。放松，学会爱自己，你会自然而然地吸引你的伴侣。你不必追逐，因为自然的吸引力会吸引他们，他们也会吸引你。
你遇到的每个人都是你的老师，你也是他们的老师。每一种情况都包含着生活教给你的一组教训。所以你应该问自己的问题是：“这个人在我的生活中教我什么？”在他们的生活中，我能教他们什么？我们一起学习什么课程？我们应该如何互相帮助？当你做到这一点并认识到这是你的责任时，事情会好得多。
进一步评估你在人际关系中的目的。你希望得到什么？你愿意付出什么？两者之间的平衡在哪里？
没有伴侣，你不是不完整的。你不需要任何人来完善你或使你完整。当伴侣出现在你的生活中时，你必须为自己做好准备。
我知道这很难理解，因为它不像电影中那样。电影不是现实。
《奇迹课程》说关系的目的是拯救。我们通过改变我们的观念来拯救彼此。您可能会发现这是一个有用的概念。这个联系可能也有帮助。
Because you keep looking for what you think you want, but most of that is not realist but an image of perfection you have made up in your mind. In truth you haven't yet figured out what you really need and want. You need to do that first. Make a list of the characteristics you want and could actually, realistically live with in a partner. Don't be afraid to revise and edit it over and over again.
Also because you are chasing after it. Relax, learn to love yourself and you will naturally attract your complement. You won't have to chase because natural attraction will magnetize them to you and you to them.
Every person you meet is your teacher and you are theirs. Every situation contains a group of lessons life is teaching you. So the questions you should ask yourself are: ”What is this person in my life to teach me? What am I in their life to teach them? What lessons are we learning together? How are we supposed to assist one another?” When you do that and recognize that is your responsibility, things go a lot better.
Furthermore assess what you are in relationships for. What do you hope to get? What are you willing to give? Where is the balance between the two?
You are not incomplete with no partner. You don't need anyone to complete you or make you whole. You must do that for yourself in order to be ready for a partner when they show up in your life.
I know this is hard to understand because it's just not like it is in the movies. That isn't reality.
A Course in Miracles says the purpose of relationships is salvation. We save one another through transforming our perceptions. You might find this a helpful concept. This lix might help too.
因为你一直在寻找你认为你想要的，但其中大部分都是不现实的，而是你在脑海中塑造的完美形象。事实上，你还没有弄清楚你真正需要什么和想要什么。你需要先这么做。列出你想要的特征，并且你可以和伴侣共同生活的特征。不要害怕一次又一次地修改和编辑它。
也因为你在追求它。放松，学会爱自己，你会自然而然地吸引你的伴侣。你不必追逐，因为自然的吸引力会吸引他们，他们也会吸引你。
你遇到的每个人都是你的老师，你也是他们的老师。每一种情况都包含着生活教给你的一组教训。所以你应该问自己的问题是：“这个人在我的生活中教我什么？”在他们的生活中，我能教他们什么？我们一起学习什么课程？我们应该如何互相帮助？当你做到这一点并认识到这是你的责任时，事情会好得多。
进一步评估你在人际关系中的目的。你希望得到什么？你愿意付出什么？两者之间的平衡在哪里？
没有伴侣，你不是不完整的。你不需要任何人来完善你或使你完整。当伴侣出现在你的生活中时，你必须为自己做好准备。
我知道这很难理解，因为它不像电影中那样。电影不是现实。
《奇迹课程》说关系的目的是拯救。我们通过改变我们的观念来拯救彼此。您可能会发现这是一个有用的概念。这个联系可能也有帮助。
Charles South, SoCal native since 1969
查尔斯·南特，1969年出生于索卡尔
查尔斯·南特，1969年出生于索卡尔
Beginning a relationship with anyone requires courage, whether at an early stage while dating, or a later stage where you commit to one another. To make this effort involves a risk-vs-reward decision, whether we do it explicitly or we do it intuitively.
Our perception of risks AND rewards changes with time … as we collect experiences, grow to know ourselves, and as we become affected emotionally by those we have been around during our lives. As Melissa Myer said in her answer to this question, we become more in tune with what we do NOT want in others, out of proportion to what we DO seek.
Let’s look at RISK — I can’t speak for others but I am much more aware of health risks now when opening intimate relationships with others. It causes me to pause in ways I never did in my 20s and 30s.
I’m also much more aware of how terrible bad relationships can be, in terms of emotional pain suffered, damage to self-esteem and quality of life, and in diminished energy and motivation to enjoy life if you are dealing with a toxic relationship.
There are also potential monetary risks, not only to maintain the relationship but also to risk the inevitable exposure to certain types of people who will try to exploit your resources for their own gain.
与任何人开始一段关系都需要勇气，无论是在约会的早期阶段，还是在向对方承诺的后期。做出这样的努力需要一个风险vs回报的决定，无论我们是明确地做还是直觉地做。
随着时间的推移，我们对风险和回报的感知会发生变化，当我们收集经验、逐渐了解自己，以及当我们在生活中受到周围人的情感影响时。正如梅丽莎·迈尔（Melissa Myer）在回答这个问题时所说的那样，我们变得更加关注我们不希望别人做什么，与我们所追求的不成比例。
让我们看看风险，“虽然我不能替别人说话，但我现在对与别人建立亲密关系时的健康风险有了更多的认识。”它让我以我二三十岁时从未有过的方式停下来。我也更加意识到糟糕的关系会有多糟糕，包括情感痛苦、自尊和生活质量的损害，以及如果你正在处理一段有毒的关系，你会失去享受生活的精力和动力。
还有潜在的金钱风险，不仅是为了维持关系，而且不可避免地会暴露在某些类型的人面前，这些人会试图利用你的资源为自己谋利。
Our perception of risks AND rewards changes with time … as we collect experiences, grow to know ourselves, and as we become affected emotionally by those we have been around during our lives. As Melissa Myer said in her answer to this question, we become more in tune with what we do NOT want in others, out of proportion to what we DO seek.
Let’s look at RISK — I can’t speak for others but I am much more aware of health risks now when opening intimate relationships with others. It causes me to pause in ways I never did in my 20s and 30s.
I’m also much more aware of how terrible bad relationships can be, in terms of emotional pain suffered, damage to self-esteem and quality of life, and in diminished energy and motivation to enjoy life if you are dealing with a toxic relationship.
There are also potential monetary risks, not only to maintain the relationship but also to risk the inevitable exposure to certain types of people who will try to exploit your resources for their own gain.
与任何人开始一段关系都需要勇气，无论是在约会的早期阶段，还是在向对方承诺的后期。做出这样的努力需要一个风险vs回报的决定，无论我们是明确地做还是直觉地做。
随着时间的推移，我们对风险和回报的感知会发生变化，当我们收集经验、逐渐了解自己，以及当我们在生活中受到周围人的情感影响时。正如梅丽莎·迈尔（Melissa Myer）在回答这个问题时所说的那样，我们变得更加关注我们不希望别人做什么，与我们所追求的不成比例。
让我们看看风险，“虽然我不能替别人说话，但我现在对与别人建立亲密关系时的健康风险有了更多的认识。”它让我以我二三十岁时从未有过的方式停下来。我也更加意识到糟糕的关系会有多糟糕，包括情感痛苦、自尊和生活质量的损害，以及如果你正在处理一段有毒的关系，你会失去享受生活的精力和动力。
还有潜在的金钱风险，不仅是为了维持关系，而且不可避免地会暴露在某些类型的人面前，这些人会试图利用你的资源为自己谋利。
When I was younger, I discounted the impact of all the above factors though I give much greater weight to them today.
And then look at REWARD — How many factors of having a relationship late in life are to some extent reduced compared to having one in mid-life or earlier?
For those who require children to feel validated in life, once you get into your 50s (if not before), that ship has sailed unless you count the relationships you can gain by being allied with another person who might have an extended family you can share. But if you go this route, you have to accept that these supplementary relationships are vulnerable to having the primary relationship end in a way that loses those extra relationships. This can be particularly difficult to deal with if it involves suddenly losing contact with children you became close to through a relationship that eventually fails.
Later in life there is also limited opportunity and time to build wealth, which can affect those who consider a marriage as partly a business partnership, with an opportunity to jointly create wealth.
当我年轻的时候，我对上述所有因素的影响都不以为然，尽管现在我更重视它们。
再看看回报——与中年或更早的人相比，晚年拥有一段感情的因素在一定程度上减少了多少？
对于那些要求孩子在生活中感到被认可的人来说，一旦你步入50多岁（如果不是之前的话），那艘船就已经开航了，除非你把与另一个可能拥有一个大家庭的人结盟所能获得的关系计算在内。但如果你走这条路，你必须接受这样一个事实，即这些补充关系很容易让主要关系以失去额外关系的方式结束。如果这涉及到突然失去与孩子们的联系，这处理起来可能特别困难，毕竟曾经很亲密的关系，最终失败了。
在以后的生活中，积累财富的机会和时间也很有限，这可能会影响到那些认为婚姻在一定程度上是一种商业伙伴关系，有机会共同创造财富的人
And then look at REWARD — How many factors of having a relationship late in life are to some extent reduced compared to having one in mid-life or earlier?
For those who require children to feel validated in life, once you get into your 50s (if not before), that ship has sailed unless you count the relationships you can gain by being allied with another person who might have an extended family you can share. But if you go this route, you have to accept that these supplementary relationships are vulnerable to having the primary relationship end in a way that loses those extra relationships. This can be particularly difficult to deal with if it involves suddenly losing contact with children you became close to through a relationship that eventually fails.
Later in life there is also limited opportunity and time to build wealth, which can affect those who consider a marriage as partly a business partnership, with an opportunity to jointly create wealth.
当我年轻的时候，我对上述所有因素的影响都不以为然，尽管现在我更重视它们。
再看看回报——与中年或更早的人相比，晚年拥有一段感情的因素在一定程度上减少了多少？
对于那些要求孩子在生活中感到被认可的人来说，一旦你步入50多岁（如果不是之前的话），那艘船就已经开航了，除非你把与另一个可能拥有一个大家庭的人结盟所能获得的关系计算在内。但如果你走这条路，你必须接受这样一个事实，即这些补充关系很容易让主要关系以失去额外关系的方式结束。如果这涉及到突然失去与孩子们的联系，这处理起来可能特别困难，毕竟曾经很亲密的关系，最终失败了。
在以后的生活中，积累财富的机会和时间也很有限，这可能会影响到那些认为婚姻在一定程度上是一种商业伙伴关系，有机会共同创造财富的人
You also have fewer years ahead of you to enjoy the relationship if it turns out to be “the one” where you feel perfectly suited to be with this person.
You may also need to deal with health problems in the course of the relationship sooner than you want or expect, which may reduce quality of life for both of you prematurely.
The result may be that you judge a potential relationship to have less upside than the same relationship 20 years earlier. These two factors alone (Risk vs Reward) are often enough to convince someone to drop out of the pool of interested partners.
如果你觉得这个人是你的“真命天子”，那么你享受这段感情的时间也会更短。
在恋爱过程中，你可能还需要比你想要或预期的更早地处理健康问题，这可能会过早地降低双方的生活质量。
结果可能是，你认为一段潜在的关系比20年前的同一段关系有更少的好处。仅凭这两个因素(风险vs回报)就足以说服某人放弃感兴趣的合作伙伴。
You may also need to deal with health problems in the course of the relationship sooner than you want or expect, which may reduce quality of life for both of you prematurely.
The result may be that you judge a potential relationship to have less upside than the same relationship 20 years earlier. These two factors alone (Risk vs Reward) are often enough to convince someone to drop out of the pool of interested partners.
如果你觉得这个人是你的“真命天子”，那么你享受这段感情的时间也会更短。
在恋爱过程中，你可能还需要比你想要或预期的更早地处理健康问题，这可能会过早地降低双方的生活质量。
结果可能是，你认为一段潜在的关系比20年前的同一段关系有更少的好处。仅凭这两个因素(风险vs回报)就足以说服某人放弃感兴趣的合作伙伴。
Shambhavi Tripathi, You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.
Shambhavi Tripathi，你永远不会因为爱而失败。你总是因为退缩而失败。
Shambhavi Tripathi，你永远不会因为爱而失败。你总是因为退缩而失败。
Also because we have developed a distorted vision when it comes to love and it's associated mystery- movies and fictional stories.
One such thing frequently interlix is between 'connection’ and 'soulmates'.
Hey did you feel that connection, that spark, that indescribable magic?
We are all so restless to feel it, to experience it and possibly live it.
But a transient thing can never guarantee stability, isn't it? Stability is built upon calmness, peacefulness, understanding and a lot of hardwork. While that “instant connect” might feel exciting, intoxicating, stimulating amd exhilarating; more often than not it is going to die out sooner than later. It is definitely not an indication of a soulmate.
还有一个原因是，当涉及到爱情以及与之相关的神秘故事时，我们根据电影和虚构故事产生了一种扭曲的看法。
其中一个经常链接的东西是“关系”和“灵魂伴侣”。
嘿，你感觉到那种联系，那种火花，那种难以形容的魔力了吗？
我们都非常不安地去感受它，去体验它，甚至可能一起生活。
但短暂的事物永远不能保证稳定，稳定是建立在冷静、平和、理解和大量努力的基础上的。而“即时连接”可能会让人感到兴奋、陶醉、刺激和兴奋；通常情况下，它迟早会消失。这绝对不是灵魂伴侣的标志。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
One such thing frequently interlix is between 'connection’ and 'soulmates'.
Hey did you feel that connection, that spark, that indescribable magic?
We are all so restless to feel it, to experience it and possibly live it.
But a transient thing can never guarantee stability, isn't it? Stability is built upon calmness, peacefulness, understanding and a lot of hardwork. While that “instant connect” might feel exciting, intoxicating, stimulating amd exhilarating; more often than not it is going to die out sooner than later. It is definitely not an indication of a soulmate.
还有一个原因是，当涉及到爱情以及与之相关的神秘故事时，我们根据电影和虚构故事产生了一种扭曲的看法。
其中一个经常链接的东西是“关系”和“灵魂伴侣”。
嘿，你感觉到那种联系，那种火花，那种难以形容的魔力了吗？
我们都非常不安地去感受它，去体验它，甚至可能一起生活。
但短暂的事物永远不能保证稳定，稳定是建立在冷静、平和、理解和大量努力的基础上的。而“即时连接”可能会让人感到兴奋、陶醉、刺激和兴奋；通常情况下，它迟早会消失。这绝对不是灵魂伴侣的标志。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
This is what I feel:
If they can run with you then that's how you know you've found a soulmate, I think soulmates are never lovers, but people who understand the struggle, your struggle. It would be so easy to be with them that you'll hardly find yourself making tedious efforts.
I would also like to mention this one very popular quote:
“The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that's not the one. When you meet your 'soulmate' you'll feel calm. No anxiety. No agitation.
这就是我的感受：
如果他们能和你一起奔跑，那你就知道你找到了灵魂伴侣。我认为灵魂伴侣永远不是恋人，而是理解你的处境和奋斗历程的人，和他们在一起是如此容易，以至于你几乎不会发现自己在做乏味的努力。
我还想提一句非常流行的名言：
佛教徒说，如果你遇到一个人，你的心会怦怦直跳，你的手会颤抖，你的膝盖会变得虚弱无力，这并不是你遇到的那个人。当你遇到你的“灵魂伴侣”时，你会感到平静。没有焦虑，没有激动。
If they can run with you then that's how you know you've found a soulmate, I think soulmates are never lovers, but people who understand the struggle, your struggle. It would be so easy to be with them that you'll hardly find yourself making tedious efforts.
I would also like to mention this one very popular quote:
“The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that's not the one. When you meet your 'soulmate' you'll feel calm. No anxiety. No agitation.
这就是我的感受：
如果他们能和你一起奔跑，那你就知道你找到了灵魂伴侣。我认为灵魂伴侣永远不是恋人，而是理解你的处境和奋斗历程的人，和他们在一起是如此容易，以至于你几乎不会发现自己在做乏味的努力。
我还想提一句非常流行的名言：
佛教徒说，如果你遇到一个人，你的心会怦怦直跳，你的手会颤抖，你的膝盖会变得虚弱无力，这并不是你遇到的那个人。当你遇到你的“灵魂伴侣”时，你会感到平静。没有焦虑，没有激动。
Ishita Tiwari, I have learnt a lot from relationships and experiences
石田提瓦里，我从人际关系和经历中学到了很多
石田提瓦里，我从人际关系和经历中学到了很多
Finding a partner with whom you can commit is hard.
Finding a partner who will stand by you, no matter what the situation demands is hard.
Finding a partner who will always strive to work for making your relationship better is hard
Finding a partner who will not judge you for your vices and imperfections is hard
Finding a partner who will not be insecure or insensitive when the euphoria of romance will slowly fade because of circumstances is hard.
Finding a partner who will accept and love the real you without trying to change you is hard to find
Finding a partner who will be loyal even when the love will stand on a slippery ground is hard.
Finding a partner who will stay with you forever till your bones turn fragile and your face gets wrinkled is hard to find.
Yes it’s hard, but not impossible!
It’s easy if you try to find a friend. A person that will get into trouble with us, explore with us, support our passions and make us better, love us more with each passing day.
Don’t see relationships through rose tainted glasses, it’s beyond that. It requires efforts and devotion to keep the relationship
More than finding the person to love, the best thing is to develop an understanding with oneself regarding what we desire and how can we complement with another.
The joy of acceptance is the biggest boost for a relationship.
找到一个你可以承诺的伴侣很难。
无论情况如何，找到一个支持你的伴侣是很困难的。
找到一个总是努力让你们的关系更好的伴侣是很难的；
找到一个不会因为你的缺点和不完美而评判你的伴侣是很难的；
很难找到一个在浪漫的快感因环境而慢慢消退时不会缺乏安全感的伴侣。
很难找到一个能接受并爱真实的你而不会试图改变你的伴侣；
找到一个即使爱情站在滑地上也会忠诚的伴侣是很难的。
很难找到一个永远陪在你身边直到白头的伴侣。
是的，这很难，但不是不可能！
如果你想找个朋友，那很容易。他会和我们一起陷入困境，一起探索，支持我们的激情，让我们变得更好，一天比一天更爱我们。
不要用玫瑰色的有色眼镜来看待人际关系，这是远远不够的。这需要努力和奉献来保持这种关系。
除了找到爱的人，最好的事情是了解自己想要什么，以及如何与他人互补
被接纳的喜悦是一段关系的最大推动力。
Finding a partner who will stand by you, no matter what the situation demands is hard.
Finding a partner who will always strive to work for making your relationship better is hard
Finding a partner who will not judge you for your vices and imperfections is hard
Finding a partner who will not be insecure or insensitive when the euphoria of romance will slowly fade because of circumstances is hard.
Finding a partner who will accept and love the real you without trying to change you is hard to find
Finding a partner who will be loyal even when the love will stand on a slippery ground is hard.
Finding a partner who will stay with you forever till your bones turn fragile and your face gets wrinkled is hard to find.
Yes it’s hard, but not impossible!
It’s easy if you try to find a friend. A person that will get into trouble with us, explore with us, support our passions and make us better, love us more with each passing day.
Don’t see relationships through rose tainted glasses, it’s beyond that. It requires efforts and devotion to keep the relationship
More than finding the person to love, the best thing is to develop an understanding with oneself regarding what we desire and how can we complement with another.
The joy of acceptance is the biggest boost for a relationship.
找到一个你可以承诺的伴侣很难。
无论情况如何，找到一个支持你的伴侣是很困难的。
找到一个总是努力让你们的关系更好的伴侣是很难的；
找到一个不会因为你的缺点和不完美而评判你的伴侣是很难的；
很难找到一个在浪漫的快感因环境而慢慢消退时不会缺乏安全感的伴侣。
很难找到一个能接受并爱真实的你而不会试图改变你的伴侣；
找到一个即使爱情站在滑地上也会忠诚的伴侣是很难的。
很难找到一个永远陪在你身边直到白头的伴侣。
是的，这很难，但不是不可能！
如果你想找个朋友，那很容易。他会和我们一起陷入困境，一起探索，支持我们的激情，让我们变得更好，一天比一天更爱我们。
不要用玫瑰色的有色眼镜来看待人际关系，这是远远不够的。这需要努力和奉献来保持这种关系。
除了找到爱的人，最好的事情是了解自己想要什么，以及如何与他人互补
被接纳的喜悦是一段关系的最大推动力。
Aerin Michelle Leland, works at Avon
艾琳·米歇尔·利兰，在雅芳工作
艾琳·米歇尔·利兰，在雅芳工作
If I have learned anything in my short 19 years of life, it has been to learn to love yourself. This sounds incredibly cliché, I know but in my life, it turned out to be one of the most important life lessons. After a devastating breakup with my boyfriend of four years, I sat down and began talking to myself about all the things that were wrong with me. Surely one of the thousands of flaws that I had named off would make sense as to why I was going through this pain. However instead of that happening, I began seeing all of my negatives as positive traits. One of my favorite things to do was lay around in sweatpants. with my hair on top of my head, in a bun, with no makeup on, and watch HGTV. Before, I was called lazy, and maybe to my ex lazy was a bad thing, but it made me happy to be able to do those things. After realizing how often I wasn't doing all the things I loved, I began to see how totally awesome I actually was before I lost myself. When I think about guys, I picture them sitting on their couches, shoveling pizza in their mouths, screaming at their favorite football team on TV. It's not the most attractive sight to most girls but to me it was perfect! My favorite trait about myself is that I can be a total bum, and eat an entire pizza on my own in record time, surely there is a man out there who can appreciate that!
如果说我在短短的19年里学到了什么，那就是学会爱自己。我知道这听起来难以置信，但在我的生活中，这是最重要的人生课程之一。在与交往了四年的男朋友彻底分手后，我坐下来，开始自言自语，谈论我所有的问题。当然，在我列举的数千个缺陷中，有一个可以解释为什么我会经历这种痛苦。然而，事实并非如此，我开始把我所有的缺点都看作是积极的品质。我最喜欢做的事情之一就是穿着运动裤躺在那里。把头发盘在头顶，不化妆，看HGTV。以前，我被称为懒惰，也许对我的前任来说，懒惰是一件坏事，但能做这些事让我很高兴。在意识到我不是经常做我喜欢的事情之后，我开始意识到在我迷失自我之前我是多么的棒。当我想到男人时，我会想象他们坐在沙发上，嘴里叼着比萨饼，对着电视上他们最喜欢的足球队大喊大叫的画面。对大多数女孩来说，这不是最吸引人的一幕，但对我来说却是完美的一幕！我最喜欢自己的特点是，我可以成为一个彻底的流浪汉，在创纪录的时间内独自吃下一整片比萨饼，肯定有一个人会欣赏这一点！
如果说我在短短的19年里学到了什么，那就是学会爱自己。我知道这听起来难以置信，但在我的生活中，这是最重要的人生课程之一。在与交往了四年的男朋友彻底分手后，我坐下来，开始自言自语，谈论我所有的问题。当然，在我列举的数千个缺陷中，有一个可以解释为什么我会经历这种痛苦。然而，事实并非如此，我开始把我所有的缺点都看作是积极的品质。我最喜欢做的事情之一就是穿着运动裤躺在那里。把头发盘在头顶，不化妆，看HGTV。以前，我被称为懒惰，也许对我的前任来说，懒惰是一件坏事，但能做这些事让我很高兴。在意识到我不是经常做我喜欢的事情之后，我开始意识到在我迷失自我之前我是多么的棒。当我想到男人时，我会想象他们坐在沙发上，嘴里叼着比萨饼，对着电视上他们最喜欢的足球队大喊大叫的画面。对大多数女孩来说，这不是最吸引人的一幕，但对我来说却是完美的一幕！我最喜欢自己的特点是，我可以成为一个彻底的流浪汉，在创纪录的时间内独自吃下一整片比萨饼，肯定有一个人会欣赏这一点！
I am now getting married in a few weeks to a man who has pizza eating contests with me, and considers me as being "dressed up" when I walk out of the room wearing jeans. He loves all the things that I once hated about myself and in turn I have grown to love myself just as much as he loves me.
To answer your question, it is hard to find love because I don't believe love is something that is meant to be found. Love is always there, you just have to be able to understand and recognize it. In my case, I was working on loving myself again after being torn apart, and in the process of doing that I realized that I was falling in love with my soon to be husband; the man who I have only seen wearing jeans a handful of times himself. He possessed the same traits I once couldn't stand about myself, but now see as my biggest attributes. I once heard to fall in love with as many things as possible, make your self one of those things.
再过几个星期，我就要和一个男人结婚了，他和我一起参加吃比萨饼比赛，当我穿着牛仔裤走出房间时，他认为我是在“打扮”。他喜欢我曾经憎恨自己的一切，反过来，我也开始像他爱我一样爱自己了。
回到你的问题，爱是很难被找到，因为我不相信爱是注定要被找到的。爱总是存在的，你只需要能够理解和认识它。就我而言，在被撕裂后，我努力重新爱自己，在这过程中，我意识到我爱上了即将成为我丈夫的人；那个我只见他穿过几次牛仔裤的男人。他有着我曾经无法忍受的特质，但现在我认为是最大的特质。我曾经听说要尽可能多地爱上一些事情，让你自己成为其中之一
To answer your question, it is hard to find love because I don't believe love is something that is meant to be found. Love is always there, you just have to be able to understand and recognize it. In my case, I was working on loving myself again after being torn apart, and in the process of doing that I realized that I was falling in love with my soon to be husband; the man who I have only seen wearing jeans a handful of times himself. He possessed the same traits I once couldn't stand about myself, but now see as my biggest attributes. I once heard to fall in love with as many things as possible, make your self one of those things.
再过几个星期，我就要和一个男人结婚了，他和我一起参加吃比萨饼比赛，当我穿着牛仔裤走出房间时，他认为我是在“打扮”。他喜欢我曾经憎恨自己的一切，反过来，我也开始像他爱我一样爱自己了。
回到你的问题，爱是很难被找到，因为我不相信爱是注定要被找到的。爱总是存在的，你只需要能够理解和认识它。就我而言，在被撕裂后，我努力重新爱自己，在这过程中，我意识到我爱上了即将成为我丈夫的人；那个我只见他穿过几次牛仔裤的男人。他有着我曾经无法忍受的特质，但现在我认为是最大的特质。我曾经听说要尽可能多地爱上一些事情，让你自己成为其中之一
Saket, former Sr. Associate at Corbus
We can adjust anywhere but boy in terms of partner we just need perfection.
We expect the same perfect person we have in our imaginations.
Okay, raise your hand if you are not looking for “the one”…do you see any raised hands?
Another thing, Sex, Money and Physical attraction.
Almost everyone is looking for these things in a person at first.
I met a girl, we clicked and talked and liked each other.
She asked how much I earn, where I hail from and the religion I believe in or follow and whooooshhh
But I am a nice guy and haven’t done anything wrong, I have always loved the soul first and than the physical appearance later, HELL NO.
I almost fell for this girl due to her nature and everything but I was a great idiot back then who actually did not let her hopes high because eventually I wasn’t attracted to her physically.
Why it is difficult to find a life partner?
Because we have so much expectations from our partners .
我们可以在任何地方调整，但在伴侣方面，我们只需要对方完美。
我们期待的是我们想象中的那个完美的人。
好的，如果你不是在找“那个人”，请举手，你看到有人举手吗？
另一件事，性，金钱和身体吸引力。
起初，几乎每个人都在一个人身上寻找这些东西。
我遇到了一个女孩，我们互相交谈，彼此喜欢。
她问我挣多少钱，我来自哪里，我信仰什么宗教。
但我是个好人，没有做错任何事，我总是先爱灵魂，然后才爱外表，见鬼不。
由于她的天性和一切，我几乎爱上了这个女孩，但我当时是个大傻瓜，实际上我没有让她抱有很高的希望，因为她的身体对我没有吸引力。
为什么很难找到终身伴侣？
因为我们对伴侣有太多的期望。
We can adjust anywhere but boy in terms of partner we just need perfection.
We expect the same perfect person we have in our imaginations.
Okay, raise your hand if you are not looking for “the one”…do you see any raised hands?
Another thing, Sex, Money and Physical attraction.
Almost everyone is looking for these things in a person at first.
I met a girl, we clicked and talked and liked each other.
She asked how much I earn, where I hail from and the religion I believe in or follow and whooooshhh
But I am a nice guy and haven’t done anything wrong, I have always loved the soul first and than the physical appearance later, HELL NO.
I almost fell for this girl due to her nature and everything but I was a great idiot back then who actually did not let her hopes high because eventually I wasn’t attracted to her physically.
Why it is difficult to find a life partner?
Because we have so much expectations from our partners .
我们可以在任何地方调整，但在伴侣方面，我们只需要对方完美。
我们期待的是我们想象中的那个完美的人。
好的，如果你不是在找“那个人”，请举手，你看到有人举手吗？
另一件事，性，金钱和身体吸引力。
起初，几乎每个人都在一个人身上寻找这些东西。
我遇到了一个女孩，我们互相交谈，彼此喜欢。
她问我挣多少钱，我来自哪里，我信仰什么宗教。
但我是个好人，没有做错任何事，我总是先爱灵魂，然后才爱外表，见鬼不。
由于她的天性和一切，我几乎爱上了这个女孩，但我当时是个大傻瓜，实际上我没有让她抱有很高的希望，因为她的身体对我没有吸引力。
为什么很难找到终身伴侣？
因为我们对伴侣有太多的期望。
Sofie Shorshy, knows some stuff, maybe
I can think of a few reasons:
People want more serious relationships, so they’ll be less inclined to be with people who can’t commit/be in a serious relationship of any kind.
Less social opportunities to meet potential partners. You need to actively seek people out the older you get. You don’t have school or university to do it for you anymore, only work.
Extra point: People being too busy with work to seriously pursue a relationship.
Of course, then there’s the ‘the older you get, the less attractive you get’, but I find this one to be bullshit. Whether for men or women, there will always be people who are around the same age who could find you attractive, but seriously, having a personality should matter more.
People just give up. It didn’t work out that time, and then the next didn’t either, and you just can’t be bothered anymore. You think it’s difficult just because it didn’t work a few times. You give up, and then complain that it’s difficult, but the truth is you aren’t trying anymore/hard enough.
我可以想出几个理由：
人们想要更认真的感情，所以他们不太愿意和那些不能认真恋爱的人在一起。
与潜在伴侣见面的社交机会减少。随着年龄的增长，你需要积极地寻找朋友。再也没有学校或大学为你做这件事了，只有工作。
另外一点：人们忙于工作而没有认真追求一段感情。
当然，还有“你年纪越大，吸引力就越弱”的说法，但我觉得这是胡说八道。不管是男人还是女人，总有一些年龄相仿的人会觉得你很有魅力，但说真的，有个性更重要。
人们只是放弃。这一次没有成功，下一次也没有成功，你再也不会被打扰了。你认为这很难，只是因为多次约会都不起作用。你放弃了，然后抱怨很难找到对的人，但事实是你不再努力了。
I can think of a few reasons:
People want more serious relationships, so they’ll be less inclined to be with people who can’t commit/be in a serious relationship of any kind.
Less social opportunities to meet potential partners. You need to actively seek people out the older you get. You don’t have school or university to do it for you anymore, only work.
Extra point: People being too busy with work to seriously pursue a relationship.
Of course, then there’s the ‘the older you get, the less attractive you get’, but I find this one to be bullshit. Whether for men or women, there will always be people who are around the same age who could find you attractive, but seriously, having a personality should matter more.
People just give up. It didn’t work out that time, and then the next didn’t either, and you just can’t be bothered anymore. You think it’s difficult just because it didn’t work a few times. You give up, and then complain that it’s difficult, but the truth is you aren’t trying anymore/hard enough.
我可以想出几个理由：
人们想要更认真的感情，所以他们不太愿意和那些不能认真恋爱的人在一起。
与潜在伴侣见面的社交机会减少。随着年龄的增长，你需要积极地寻找朋友。再也没有学校或大学为你做这件事了，只有工作。
另外一点：人们忙于工作而没有认真追求一段感情。
当然，还有“你年纪越大，吸引力就越弱”的说法，但我觉得这是胡说八道。不管是男人还是女人，总有一些年龄相仿的人会觉得你很有魅力，但说真的，有个性更重要。
人们只是放弃。这一次没有成功，下一次也没有成功，你再也不会被打扰了。你认为这很难，只是因为多次约会都不起作用。你放弃了，然后抱怨很难找到对的人，但事实是你不再努力了。
Mihaela Corteza, Nurse Practitioner(FNP & PMHNP)
It really isn’t hard. But the real question is about finding the RIGHT partner, and not just a partner. And yes that’s very very hard. You’ve got to have just the right mix of chemistry and compatibility because you can’t have one and not the other, and then there’s the rest of the complicated circumstances in life that could stand in the way. Insurmountable? Not if working as a team.
Once in a while I get asked by some guy “how are you still single?”
Depending on the context of the conversation, the tone, the person, and my mood (hahaha), I usually just go with one of the following answers:
“I like being single, it’s perfect for me now, until the right person comes along”
“Why not? I’m single and happy, it’s better than being in a relationship and unhappy. Don’t you agree?”
“I’m not sure. Why do YOU think I’m single?”
“Why are you NOT single?” (this obviously applies if the person asking is in a relationship)
“Why you asking? Want to take me on a date?”
And my favorite to shut them up:
“Because my soulmate is still unhappily married and trying to get divorced”.
这真的不难。但真正的问题是找到合适的伴侣，而不仅仅是一个合作伙伴。是的，这很难。你必须有正确的化学反应和彼此合得来，因为你不能在有一个伴侣时还有另一个，还有生活中其他复杂的环境可能会阻碍你，如果团队合作就不会。
偶尔有人问我“你怎么还单身？”
根据对话的背景、语气、人和我的心情（哈哈哈），我通常只会选择以下答案之一：
“我喜欢单身，现在对我来说很完美，等到合适的人出现再说吧”
“为什么不呢？我单身而且很快乐，这比恋爱中不快乐要好。你不同意吗？”
“我不确定，你为什么认为我是单身？”
“你为什么不单身？”（如果对方正在谈恋爱，这一点显然适用）
“你为什么问？想带我去约会吗？“
我最喜欢让他们闭嘴：
“因为我的灵魂伴侣仍然婚姻不幸福，正在试图离婚。”。
It really isn’t hard. But the real question is about finding the RIGHT partner, and not just a partner. And yes that’s very very hard. You’ve got to have just the right mix of chemistry and compatibility because you can’t have one and not the other, and then there’s the rest of the complicated circumstances in life that could stand in the way. Insurmountable? Not if working as a team.
Once in a while I get asked by some guy “how are you still single?”
Depending on the context of the conversation, the tone, the person, and my mood (hahaha), I usually just go with one of the following answers:
“I like being single, it’s perfect for me now, until the right person comes along”
“Why not? I’m single and happy, it’s better than being in a relationship and unhappy. Don’t you agree?”
“I’m not sure. Why do YOU think I’m single?”
“Why are you NOT single?” (this obviously applies if the person asking is in a relationship)
“Why you asking? Want to take me on a date?”
And my favorite to shut them up:
“Because my soulmate is still unhappily married and trying to get divorced”.
这真的不难。但真正的问题是找到合适的伴侣，而不仅仅是一个合作伙伴。是的，这很难。你必须有正确的化学反应和彼此合得来，因为你不能在有一个伴侣时还有另一个，还有生活中其他复杂的环境可能会阻碍你，如果团队合作就不会。
偶尔有人问我“你怎么还单身？”
根据对话的背景、语气、人和我的心情（哈哈哈），我通常只会选择以下答案之一：
“我喜欢单身，现在对我来说很完美，等到合适的人出现再说吧”
“为什么不呢？我单身而且很快乐，这比恋爱中不快乐要好。你不同意吗？”
“我不确定，你为什么认为我是单身？”
“你为什么不单身？”（如果对方正在谈恋爱，这一点显然适用）
“你为什么问？想带我去约会吗？“
我最喜欢让他们闭嘴：
“因为我的灵魂伴侣仍然婚姻不幸福，正在试图离婚。”。
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