有哪些历史事件智障到小说电影都不敢写？
正文翻译
What historical events are so absurd that they would be too strange for a fiction story or a movie?
有哪些历史事件智障到小说电影都不敢写？
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
What historical events are so absurd that they would be too strange for a fiction story or a movie?
有哪些历史事件智障到小说电影都不敢写？
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
评论翻译
CatOfTechnology
I got one for you.
我给你讲一个。
I got one for you.
我给你讲一个。
Ex-Nazi and Cult Leader Pedophile Paul Schäfer was so obsessed with having the Children of his compound, Colonia Dignidad, love him and only him that he once took all of the children of the compound to a river where he had someone dressed as Santa Claus floating on a raft.
前纳粹、邪教领袖、恋童癖Paul Schäfer曾经特别执迷于让他的秘密基地“尊严殖民地”里的孩子们爱他并且只爱他一个人，以至于他有一次把基地里的所有孩子都带到了一条河的前面，他让一个人打扮成圣诞老人坐在划艇上漂在河里。
前纳粹、邪教领袖、恋童癖Paul Schäfer曾经特别执迷于让他的秘密基地“尊严殖民地”里的孩子们爱他并且只爱他一个人，以至于他有一次把基地里的所有孩子都带到了一条河的前面，他让一个人打扮成圣诞老人坐在划艇上漂在河里。
He then shot and killed Santa, in front of all the children and told them all that "Santa's dead. The only holiday we ever need to celebrate here is my birthday!"
然后他当着所有孩子的面开枪打死了圣诞老人，跟他们说“圣诞老人已经死了。现在我们唯一值得庆祝的节日就是我的生日了！”
然后他当着所有孩子的面开枪打死了圣诞老人，跟他们说“圣诞老人已经死了。现在我们唯一值得庆祝的节日就是我的生日了！”
Taytaystaysane
reminds me when I was a brat and threatened my mom (hard working single mother) I’d throw the game boy and Pokémon game my mom had gotten me for Christmas against the wall that she had said was from Santa and she said ‘ don’t do that I spent a lot of money on that’
这让我想起了自己还是个小兔崽子的时候，我威胁我妈妈（一个努力工作的单身母亲）我要把我妈妈送我的圣诞礼物摔到墙上，她说是圣诞老人送给我的礼物，是GameBoy游戏机和宝可梦卡带。结果她说“别这样那是我花了好多钱买的”
reminds me when I was a brat and threatened my mom (hard working single mother) I’d throw the game boy and Pokémon game my mom had gotten me for Christmas against the wall that she had said was from Santa and she said ‘ don’t do that I spent a lot of money on that’
这让我想起了自己还是个小兔崽子的时候，我威胁我妈妈（一个努力工作的单身母亲）我要把我妈妈送我的圣诞礼物摔到墙上，她说是圣诞老人送给我的礼物，是GameBoy游戏机和宝可梦卡带。结果她说“别这样那是我花了好多钱买的”
That’s when the illusion was shattered.
美好的幻象就是从那一刻开始破碎的。
美好的幻象就是从那一刻开始破碎的。
Santa was never real.
圣诞老人从不是真的。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
圣诞老人从不是真的。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
That’s also when the truth started to sink in. My mother loved me so much she’d work to buy something that is not essential and say it was from someone else so that I could believe in the magic for just a little longer. God bless my mother and all the parents giving their all for their children to be happy and healthy
真相也是从那一刻开始缓缓浮现的。我妈妈爱我爱到她乐意努力工作，买一份完全不重要的东西，然后说那是别人送过来的，好让我更长时间地相信一会儿这种奇迹。愿上帝保佑我的母亲和所有愿意为了孩子的健康快乐而付出一切的家长们。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
真相也是从那一刻开始缓缓浮现的。我妈妈爱我爱到她乐意努力工作，买一份完全不重要的东西，然后说那是别人送过来的，好让我更长时间地相信一会儿这种奇迹。愿上帝保佑我的母亲和所有愿意为了孩子的健康快乐而付出一切的家长们。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
CatOfTechnology
It's just like.
就像是
It's just like.
就像是
Ex-Nazi? Been there, done that.
前纳粹？那他也就做过那些事呗。
前纳粹？那他也就做过那些事呗。
Pedophile? Almost vanilla when it comes to terrible people.
恋童癖？跟真的坏人比简直都是圣母了。
恋童癖？跟真的坏人比简直都是圣母了。
Cult Leader? Meh. Lots of those these days.
邪教领袖？嗨算了。那阵子最不缺这种人。
邪教领袖？嗨算了。那阵子最不缺这种人。
Killed fucking Santa out of Jealousy? Whole new level of fucked.
因为嫉妒把他妈的圣诞老人给杀死了？我草这可真是疯出新境界了。
因为嫉妒把他妈的圣诞老人给杀死了？我草这可真是疯出新境界了。
Just imagine what's got to be wrong with you to be so jealous of how much kids love a fairy tale character that your reaction to it is. "The kids love Santa? Well, can't have that getting in the way of things. Guess Santa's just gonna have to die in front of the children."
想象一下你究竟得精神错乱到什么程度，能因为孩子们喜欢一个童话故事里的角色而感到嫉妒，甚至嫉妒到做出这种事。“孩子们喜欢圣诞老人？啧，这种事我可受不了。我看圣诞老人得当着孩子们的面死一下。”
想象一下你究竟得精神错乱到什么程度，能因为孩子们喜欢一个童话故事里的角色而感到嫉妒，甚至嫉妒到做出这种事。“孩子们喜欢圣诞老人？啧，这种事我可受不了。我看圣诞老人得当着孩子们的面死一下。”
Absolutely WILD thought process.
这思维过程也是绝了。
这思维过程也是绝了。
Infernal_Contraption
The RMS Carmania
卡尔玛尼亚号
The RMS Carmania
卡尔玛尼亚号
In 1914, just after the outbreak of the First World War, Germany had a cunning idea. They needed to ensure naval superiority in the Atlantic, but there was no way they could manufacture enough new battleships in order to contest what was traditionally Britain’s inviolate domain.
在1914年，第一次世界大战爆发之后不久，德国人想出了一个天才般的主意。他们需要保证大西洋海域的海军优势，但是当时他们还没办法建造足够多的新战舰，来与英国传统上不可侵犯的领域相抗衡。
在1914年，第一次世界大战爆发之后不久，德国人想出了一个天才般的主意。他们需要保证大西洋海域的海军优势，但是当时他们还没办法建造足够多的新战舰，来与英国传统上不可侵犯的领域相抗衡。
So, they took the SMS Cap Trafalgar – an 18,700tn luxury ocean liner, and retrofitted it with two 4.1inch guns and six 1lb “pom-pom” autocannons – and also had one of its funnels removed so that this colossal Frankenstein’s Monster of a ship would appear (for all intents and purposes) to be a cruiser under the command of the British Merchant Navy.
所以他们就占用了特拉法加海角号——一艘18700吨的豪华远洋轮船，让它携带两门4.1英寸炮和六门一磅“砰砰”速射舰炮——他们还拆除了这艘船的一个烟囱，让这艘巨大的弗兰肯斯坦一般的巨舰怪物看上去（从各种角度）像是不列颠商船队旗下的一艘游艇。
所以他们就占用了特拉法加海角号——一艘18700吨的豪华远洋轮船，让它携带两门4.1英寸炮和六门一磅“砰砰”速射舰炮——他们还拆除了这艘船的一个烟囱，让这艘巨大的弗兰肯斯坦一般的巨舰怪物看上去（从各种角度）像是不列颠商船队旗下的一艘游艇。
The ruse complete, it would prowl the South Atlantic under false flags; ‘dressed’ as a British ship, it could approach the British supply line and at the last minute fly the German colours before wreaking havoc and undermining the until-now-unimpeachable British Navy. They even renamed it the RMS Carmania – 'RMS' standing for 'Royal Mail Ship', a type of fast steamer used to carry international post - to complete the illusion and ensure that it would never be recognised as being formerly a German passenger/cargo ship until it was far, far too late.
改装完成之后，这艘船会升着假旗在南大西洋四处潜行，“打扮”得像一艘英国舰船一样。它可以靠近英国的补给线，然后在最后一刻升起德国军旗，给看似坚不可摧的不列颠海军带来毁灭。他们甚至给这艘船重新命名为“RMS 卡尔马尼亚号”——“RMS”是“皇家邮轮”的缩写，这是一种通常用于携带国际快递的快速蒸汽船——来让这种假象看上去更真实，以保证绝对不会有人能在事态无法挽回之前认出这曾经是一艘德国的客货船。
改装完成之后，这艘船会升着假旗在南大西洋四处潜行，“打扮”得像一艘英国舰船一样。它可以靠近英国的补给线，然后在最后一刻升起德国军旗，给看似坚不可摧的不列颠海军带来毁灭。他们甚至给这艘船重新命名为“RMS 卡尔马尼亚号”——“RMS”是“皇家邮轮”的缩写，这是一种通常用于携带国际快递的快速蒸汽船——来让这种假象看上去更真实，以保证绝对不会有人能在事态无法挽回之前认出这曾经是一艘德国的客货船。
Military historians generally concur that it was a bold but brilliant plan. At a fraction of the time and cost of a new custom-built battleship, the newly christened RMS Carmania should cost the British fleets thousands of lives and millions of tonnes of lost ships before it could be reliably identified….
军事历史学家基本都认同这是一个勇敢但出色的计划。它所花费的时间和成本只是一艘崭新的订制战列舰的几分之一，但这艘全新命名的RMS卡尔马尼亚号肯定能够在被识别出来之前给不列颠舰队带来数千条生命和数百万吨位舰船的损失……
军事历史学家基本都认同这是一个勇敢但出色的计划。它所花费的时间和成本只是一艘崭新的订制战列舰的几分之一，但这艘全新命名的RMS卡尔马尼亚号肯定能够在被识别出来之前给不列颠舰队带来数千条生命和数百万吨位舰船的损失……
…..Except for one tiny problem.
但只有一个问题。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
但只有一个问题。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
On the 14th of September 1914, after a fruitless first voyage ending with no sightings of any targets and being forced to refuel empty handed, the “RMS Carmania” met its first ever opponent just off the coast of Trinidad.
在1914年的9月14日，经历了一次毫无收获的处女航，没有见到任何目标，被迫两手空空回港补给的“RMS 卡尔马尼亚号”，在特立尼达港外遇到了它的第一个对手。
在1914年的9月14日，经历了一次毫无收获的处女航，没有见到任何目标，被迫两手空空回港补给的“RMS 卡尔马尼亚号”，在特立尼达港外遇到了它的第一个对手。
It was *THE* RMS Carmania, a 19,500tn ocean liner retrofitted with eight 4.7inch guns and deployed as a cruiser by the *REAL* British Merchant Navy.
那是【真正的】RMS卡尔马尼亚号，一艘19500吨的远洋游轮，经过【真正的】英国商船队改装后携带八门4.7英寸炮，并伪装成了一艘游艇。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
那是【真正的】RMS卡尔马尼亚号，一艘19500吨的远洋游轮，经过【真正的】英国商船队改装后携带八门4.7英寸炮，并伪装成了一艘游艇。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
From four miles away the real RMS’ crew realised that the ship they were looking at was not in fact the ship that they were standing on and opened fire. It took 2 hours of vicious age-of-sail style broadsides, but eventually the doppelgänger was sunk with the maimed victor limping away under escort to Brazil for repairs.
四英里之外，那艘真正的RMS船上的船员意识到他们看见的那艘船其实并不是自己脚底下的这艘船，于是他们开火了。两个小时激烈的风帆时代侧舷炮击之后，分身最终沉到了海底，身负重伤的胜者在其他舰船的护送之下一瘸一拐地回到巴西接受维修。
四英里之外，那艘真正的RMS船上的船员意识到他们看见的那艘船其实并不是自己脚底下的这艘船，于是他们开火了。两个小时激烈的风帆时代侧舷炮击之后，分身最终沉到了海底，身负重伤的胜者在其他舰船的护送之下一瘸一拐地回到巴西接受维修。
Ryan0413
I bet the Germans saw the real Carmania and went "aw man, you gotta be kidding me"
我打赌那帮德国人看到真正的卡尔曼尼亚号之后肯定会说“老铁，搁这儿跟我俩扯犊子呢”
I bet the Germans saw the real Carmania and went "aw man, you gotta be kidding me"
我打赌那帮德国人看到真正的卡尔曼尼亚号之后肯定会说“老铁，搁这儿跟我俩扯犊子呢”
drop-in-the-dessert
The Spanish conquistadors found platinum during their search for gold, and dumped all of it in the sea, because they thought platinum was inferior to silver.
西班牙的新大陆征服者在寻找黄金的过程中发现了铂，他们把所有的铂都倒到了海里，因为他们以为铂还不如银子。
The Spanish conquistadors found platinum during their search for gold, and dumped all of it in the sea, because they thought platinum was inferior to silver.
西班牙的新大陆征服者在寻找黄金的过程中发现了铂，他们把所有的铂都倒到了海里，因为他们以为铂还不如银子。
Silver_Alpha
Wojtek, the soldier bear! He served in the Polish army in WWII, helping his fellow soldiers by carrying heavy creates of ammunition into battle, saving precious time during combat.
沃伊特克，巨熊士兵！他在二战期间在波兰军队服役，把沉重的弹药箱扛到战场中去帮助他的士兵同伴，为战斗省下宝贵的时间。
Wojtek, the soldier bear! He served in the Polish army in WWII, helping his fellow soldiers by carrying heavy creates of ammunition into battle, saving precious time during combat.
沃伊特克，巨熊士兵！他在二战期间在波兰军队服役，把沉重的弹药箱扛到战场中去帮助他的士兵同伴，为战斗省下宝贵的时间。
He had been recruited as a soldier when his division had to board an English ship which didn't allow animals on board. Outraged, the Polish then made him a soldier and he lived through the war to die of old age in a zoo in 1963.
他所属的师在登上英国人的舰船的时候，由于英国人不允许船上有动物，他就直接被作为一名士兵而征兵了。于是这帮愤怒的波兰人真的让他当了兵，他活过了整场二战，1963年因为年迈而死在了动物园里。
他所属的师在登上英国人的舰船的时候，由于英国人不允许船上有动物，他就直接被作为一名士兵而征兵了。于是这帮愤怒的波兰人真的让他当了兵，他活过了整场二战，1963年因为年迈而死在了动物园里。
tiniestvioilin
An extra bit of the story is that after ww2 soldiers who were close to wojtek would hop into his exhibit bringing him beer and wrestling with wojtek
还有一点故事，在二战之后，那些和沃伊特克关系很近的士兵会直接翻进他的展区，给他带一瓶啤酒，还跟他摔跤。
An extra bit of the story is that after ww2 soldiers who were close to wojtek would hop into his exhibit bringing him beer and wrestling with wojtek
还有一点故事，在二战之后，那些和沃伊特克关系很近的士兵会直接翻进他的展区，给他带一瓶啤酒，还跟他摔跤。
kinnavenomer
...and to give him lit cigarettes, ostensibly to smoke. Wojtek was known for being a smoker, though more than one real-life account from soldiers who served with him said mostly he'd just eat the cigarettes.
还会给他点烟，显然是为了让他抽。沃伊特克是众所周知的烟鬼，虽然不止一个曾经和他共同服役过的士兵曾经指出过他其实通常直接就把香烟给吃了。
...and to give him lit cigarettes, ostensibly to smoke. Wojtek was known for being a smoker, though more than one real-life account from soldiers who served with him said mostly he'd just eat the cigarettes.
还会给他点烟，显然是为了让他抽。沃伊特克是众所周知的烟鬼，虽然不止一个曾经和他共同服役过的士兵曾经指出过他其实通常直接就把香烟给吃了。
GreleaseDeeBoban
Best story is some insurgent snuck in and tried to steal weapons from the unit. He breaks in and there are 6 guys sleeping. The thief thinks he can get an easy time stealing from them, turns around and a bear is snarling at him. Dude started screaming and waking up the soldiers and begging them to arrest him and not leave him to the bear.
最好笑的故事是曾经有个反贼溜进去了，他想要从队伍里偷武器。他冲进去之后发现有六个人在睡觉。他以为自己可以轻松地把东西偷走，但一转身发现有一头熊在对他低吼。那兄弟于是开始尖叫，把所有士兵都叫醒，求他们把自己逮捕起来，别让他被熊吃了。
Best story is some insurgent snuck in and tried to steal weapons from the unit. He breaks in and there are 6 guys sleeping. The thief thinks he can get an easy time stealing from them, turns around and a bear is snarling at him. Dude started screaming and waking up the soldiers and begging them to arrest him and not leave him to the bear.
最好笑的故事是曾经有个反贼溜进去了，他想要从队伍里偷武器。他冲进去之后发现有六个人在睡觉。他以为自己可以轻松地把东西偷走，但一转身发现有一头熊在对他低吼。那兄弟于是开始尖叫，把所有士兵都叫醒，求他们把自己逮捕起来，别让他被熊吃了。
happybex
Back in the 1780’s, after being elected President, George Washington decided to send a letter to Congress that basically said, “Hey, looking forward to working with y’all, this will be exciting!”
在18世纪80年代，当选总统之后，乔治·华盛顿决定给国会写一封信，信的内容基本就是“嘿，很期待跟你们一起工作，我老兴奋了！”
Back in the 1780’s, after being elected President, George Washington decided to send a letter to Congress that basically said, “Hey, looking forward to working with y’all, this will be exciting!”
在18世纪80年代，当选总统之后，乔治·华盛顿决定给国会写一封信，信的内容基本就是“嘿，很期待跟你们一起工作，我老兴奋了！”
However, George wasn’t very eloquent, and was generally busy and stressed, so he asked his friend James Madison to compose the letter to Congress, which James did.
然而乔治并不是很擅长表达，而且他很忙，压力又很大，所以他就让自己的朋友詹姆斯·麦迪逊替他给国会起草信件，詹姆斯同意了。
然而乔治并不是很擅长表达，而且他很忙，压力又很大，所以他就让自己的朋友詹姆斯·麦迪逊替他给国会起草信件，詹姆斯同意了。
When Congress received the letter, they decided to respond in kind, not wanting to slight the new president. They wanted to send back a letter that essentially said, “We’re glad you’re excited, so are we!” They decided there was no one better in Congress to write the letter than their very own…James Madison.
国会收到了这封信之后，决定以同样的方式回复，毕竟他们不想怠慢这位新总统。他们想回一封信，内容基本就是“我们很高兴你感到兴奋，我们自己也很兴奋！”他们考虑了一下，觉得国会里好像没有人在写信这方面比……詹姆斯·麦迪逊更厉害的了。
国会收到了这封信之后，决定以同样的方式回复，毕竟他们不想怠慢这位新总统。他们想回一封信，内容基本就是“我们很高兴你感到兴奋，我们自己也很兴奋！”他们考虑了一下，觉得国会里好像没有人在写信这方面比……詹姆斯·麦迪逊更厉害的了。
So, James writes a response to the letter he wrote in the first place, and Congress sends it to George. George decided to respond with something along the lines of, “Oh, good, I’m excited that you’re excited, too!” — and since his buddy James did such an excellent job with the first letter, George again went to him and had him compose the response.
于是詹姆斯给自己写的信写了一封回信，让国会寄给了乔治。乔治决定再回一封信，内容基本就是“哎呀，那整挺好，你们很兴奋那我也很兴奋！”——由于他的好哥们儿詹姆斯·麦迪逊第一封信写得非常出色，乔治于是又找到他，让他写一封回信。
于是詹姆斯给自己写的信写了一封回信，让国会寄给了乔治。乔治决定再回一封信，内容基本就是“哎呀，那整挺好，你们很兴奋那我也很兴奋！”——由于他的好哥们儿詹姆斯·麦迪逊第一封信写得非常出色，乔治于是又找到他，让他写一封回信。
Congress received the letter and again not wanting to be awkward and ignore the PRESIDENT, decided to reply with yet another letter that basically said, “Hey, we’re excited that you’re excited that we’re excited!” …and once again, they had James Madison compose the response.
国会收到了这封信，他们当然还是不想怠慢总统搞的很尴尬，所以他们决定再回一封信，内容基本就是“嘿，我们知道因为我们很兴奋所以你也很兴奋，所以我们也很兴奋！”而且这封信他们又是让詹姆斯回的。
国会收到了这封信，他们当然还是不想怠慢总统搞的很尴尬，所以他们决定再回一封信，内容基本就是“嘿，我们知道因为我们很兴奋所以你也很兴奋，所以我们也很兴奋！”而且这封信他们又是让詹姆斯回的。
So James Madison, future 4th president of the United States, wound up writing himself 4 letters back and forth between “George Washington” and “Congress”, and was too embarrassed to tell anyone about it while it was going on.
所以詹姆斯·麦迪逊，未来的的第四任美国总统，最终在“乔治·华盛顿”和“国会”之间自己给自己来回写了四封信，并且因为太尴尬了所以全程没有告诉别人。
所以詹姆斯·麦迪逊，未来的的第四任美国总统，最终在“乔治·华盛顿”和“国会”之间自己给自己来回写了四封信，并且因为太尴尬了所以全程没有告诉别人。
Briggsnotmyers
One time I had a friend call me and tell me how she was having a conflict with someone whom she did not name and, being at different schools, I assumed I did not know. I analyzed what I thought the other party was trying to accomplish and suggested an angle to approach resolution from.
我以前有次接到一位朋友的电话，她说她和一个人起了争执，她没提那个人的名字，而且由于我们在不同的学校，所以我以为我不认识。我给她分析了从我看来另一方想做的事情，并且给了一个解决问题的角度。
One time I had a friend call me and tell me how she was having a conflict with someone whom she did not name and, being at different schools, I assumed I did not know. I analyzed what I thought the other party was trying to accomplish and suggested an angle to approach resolution from.
我以前有次接到一位朋友的电话，她说她和一个人起了争执，她没提那个人的名字，而且由于我们在不同的学校，所以我以为我不认识。我给她分析了从我看来另一方想做的事情，并且给了一个解决问题的角度。
The next day my other friend calls me and says she was in an argument with her friend but now that friend seems to want to make up and is asking what she can do to fix the situation.
第二天我的另一个朋友给我打了个电话，她说她正在和自己的朋友争执，但是那个朋友现在好像想要讲和了，她想知道自己该怎么做才能和好如初。
第二天我的另一个朋友给我打了个电话，她说她正在和自己的朋友争执，但是那个朋友现在好像想要讲和了，她想知道自己该怎么做才能和好如初。
So I told Friend 2 to tell Friend 1 what I'd already prepped Friend 1 to hear from a successful reply to her overture. They both thanked me later for helping them solve their problem so diplomatically. I felt like a supervillain.
于是我把之前跟朋友甲说的，“你这么跟她说之后她肯定会……”后面的内容告诉了朋友乙。很久之后她们都对我以如此外交的方式解决了她们的问题表达了感谢，而我觉得自己像个超级反派一样。
于是我把之前跟朋友甲说的，“你这么跟她说之后她肯定会……”后面的内容告诉了朋友乙。很久之后她们都对我以如此外交的方式解决了她们的问题表达了感谢，而我觉得自己像个超级反派一样。
Tsquare43
Hitler, Tito, Stalin, Trotsky, and Freud were living in the same Vienna neighborhood in 1913
希特勒，铁托，斯大林，托洛茨基和佛洛依德在1913年住在维也纳的同一个社区里。
Hitler, Tito, Stalin, Trotsky, and Freud were living in the same Vienna neighborhood in 1913
希特勒，铁托，斯大林，托洛茨基和佛洛依德在1913年住在维也纳的同一个社区里。
wizardvictor
John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on the same day. The day? The 50th anniversary of the Fourth of July. Adams’s last words were, “Thomas Jefferson still survives”.
约翰·亚当斯和托马斯·杰斐逊死在同一天。哪一天？7月4日的50周年纪念日。亚当斯的最后一句话是，“托马斯·杰斐逊还活着”。
John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on the same day. The day? The 50th anniversary of the Fourth of July. Adams’s last words were, “Thomas Jefferson still survives”.
约翰·亚当斯和托马斯·杰斐逊死在同一天。哪一天？7月4日的50周年纪念日。亚当斯的最后一句话是，“托马斯·杰斐逊还活着”。
formeraide
Which is ironic, because Jefferson was already dead.
讽刺的是杰斐逊那时已经死了。
Which is ironic, because Jefferson was already dead.
讽刺的是杰斐逊那时已经死了。
Ganglebot
A guy broke into the Prime Minster of Canada's house with a knife, intent to kill the Prime Minster.
有个哥们儿拿着刀闯进了加拿大总理府，想要把总理杀了。
A guy broke into the Prime Minster of Canada's house with a knife, intent to kill the Prime Minster.
有个哥们儿拿着刀闯进了加拿大总理府，想要把总理杀了。
The Prime Minster's wife hears someone walking around downstairs and tries to wake her husband. The PM just tells her its nothing, go back to sleep.
总理的夫人听见楼下有人在走路，她想要叫醒自己的丈夫。总理说啥事也没有，然后接着睡了。
总理的夫人听见楼下有人在走路，她想要叫醒自己的丈夫。总理说啥事也没有，然后接着睡了。
She gets up and investigates - finding the knife wielding assassin. She grabs an Inuit statue of a loon and beats the shit out of the guy. Our PM then runs into the hall and helps his wife take down the assassin. These are two people in their 60's just kicking the shit out of some dude in his late 20's.
于是她起来调查——发现了那个拿着刀的刺客。她抓过一把因纽特人雕像上的鱼叉，把那哥们打得屁滚尿流。我们的总理于是跑到大厅里，帮着自己老伴一起制服了刺客。两个六十多岁的老头老太太把一个二十多岁的哥们儿打得哭爹喊娘。
于是她起来调查——发现了那个拿着刀的刺客。她抓过一把因纽特人雕像上的鱼叉，把那哥们打得屁滚尿流。我们的总理于是跑到大厅里，帮着自己老伴一起制服了刺客。两个六十多岁的老头老太太把一个二十多岁的哥们儿打得哭爹喊娘。
She calls the local police who arrive, only to realise they forgot the fucking key to the front gate, so they send someone back to the station get it.
她给当地警方打了个电话，警察发现他们忘带大门钥匙了，还送了个人回警察局拿钥匙。
她给当地警方打了个电话，警察发现他们忘带大门钥匙了，还送了个人回警察局拿钥匙。
The assassin was later confirmed to have major mental health issues. Less than 5 years later, he was successfully treated for his schizophrenia, released from his treatment facility and formally apologised to the couple.
后来那个刺客确诊精神有问题。不到五年之后，他治好了自己的精神分裂症，从精神病院里被放了出来，正式向夫妻两人道歉。
后来那个刺客确诊精神有问题。不到五年之后，他治好了自己的精神分裂症，从精神病院里被放了出来，正式向夫妻两人道歉。
SugoiBakaMatt
May have been said already, but when Napoleon returned to France from his exile, a Regiment of French soldiers were sent by the Coalition Powers to intercept him. Upon seeing them, Napoleon approached and simply said, "If you wish to kill your Emperor, here I am." The Commander of the Regiment ordered his men to open fire. Out of the 2,000 soldiers present, not a single one obeyed the order. They all joined Napoleon and marched to Paris with him. Truly a real life Mary-Sue. At least until he was thoroughly beaten and exiled again, permanently this time.
或许已经有人讲过了。拿破仑第一次从流放中回来的时候，一伙法国士兵被反法联盟送来拦截他。在看到这些人之后，拿破仑走上前去说，“如果你们想要杀死你们的皇帝，我就在这里。”军队的长官命令手下的人开火。在场的2000名士兵之中，没有一个人服从这条命令。他们全都加入了拿破仑，和他一起进军到了巴黎。这才是真实生活版玛丽苏。至少在第二次被击败并被放逐，并且是永久放逐之前，确实很玛丽苏。
May have been said already, but when Napoleon returned to France from his exile, a Regiment of French soldiers were sent by the Coalition Powers to intercept him. Upon seeing them, Napoleon approached and simply said, "If you wish to kill your Emperor, here I am." The Commander of the Regiment ordered his men to open fire. Out of the 2,000 soldiers present, not a single one obeyed the order. They all joined Napoleon and marched to Paris with him. Truly a real life Mary-Sue. At least until he was thoroughly beaten and exiled again, permanently this time.
或许已经有人讲过了。拿破仑第一次从流放中回来的时候，一伙法国士兵被反法联盟送来拦截他。在看到这些人之后，拿破仑走上前去说，“如果你们想要杀死你们的皇帝，我就在这里。”军队的长官命令手下的人开火。在场的2000名士兵之中，没有一个人服从这条命令。他们全都加入了拿破仑，和他一起进军到了巴黎。这才是真实生活版玛丽苏。至少在第二次被击败并被放逐，并且是永久放逐之前，确实很玛丽苏。
aptpioneer
There are so many Napoleon facts that are this level of over-the-top, his life is basically unadaptable.
与拿破仑有关的事实确实有太多都是这个级别，他的人生基本上就是不可复制的。
There are so many Napoleon facts that are this level of over-the-top, his life is basically unadaptable.
与拿破仑有关的事实确实有太多都是这个级别，他的人生基本上就是不可复制的。
The_Presitator
Maybe not an event, but pretty absurd.
或许不算是事件，不过挺蠢的。
Maybe not an event, but pretty absurd.
或许不算是事件，不过挺蠢的。
In an attempt to claim control of the former Spanish Empire's territories in the Americas, the French ruler, Napoleon III, created the term "Latin America." Because if the territories were Spanish (or formerly), then the French had no right to them, but if he got the world to call it Latin, which the French were considered a branch of, then Napoleon III could attempt to take them for a new, glorious, French Empire. This would also reassure the British, US, and Dutch that he was not going after their American territories, since they were not "Latin" countries.
为了对西班牙帝国在美洲的土地制造宣称，法国的统治者拿破仑三世创造了“拉丁美洲”这个词。这是因为如果这些土地是西班牙的（或者曾经是西班牙的），那么法国人对这些土地就没有宣称权，但是如果全世界都管这片土地叫拉丁的，而法国人认为自己也算拉丁的一部分，那么拿破仑三世就可以试试看把这些土地占领下来打造一片新的、辉煌的法兰西帝国。而这也相当于对不列颠、美国和荷兰人做出保证，他不会去追求这些国家在美国的领土利益，因为他们不是“拉丁”国家。
为了对西班牙帝国在美洲的土地制造宣称，法国的统治者拿破仑三世创造了“拉丁美洲”这个词。这是因为如果这些土地是西班牙的（或者曾经是西班牙的），那么法国人对这些土地就没有宣称权，但是如果全世界都管这片土地叫拉丁的，而法国人认为自己也算拉丁的一部分，那么拿破仑三世就可以试试看把这些土地占领下来打造一片新的、辉煌的法兰西帝国。而这也相当于对不列颠、美国和荷兰人做出保证，他不会去追求这些国家在美国的领土利益，因为他们不是“拉丁”国家。
In other words, we call Hispanics of the Americas Latin because it was French propaganda used to legitimize their rule over South and Central America.
换句话说，我们管美洲的西班牙裔叫拉丁裔，是因为法国的政治宣传，他们要让自己对中南美洲的统治合法化。
换句话说，我们管美洲的西班牙裔叫拉丁裔，是因为法国的政治宣传，他们要让自己对中南美洲的统治合法化。
Edit: Forgot to mention this would also affect former Portuguese holdings (Brazil) and lost French territory (Haiti and whatnot). Not just the Hispanic territories.
编辑：忘了提一句，这同样影响到了前葡萄牙领地（巴西）以及法国丢失的领地（海地之类的），而不止是西班牙的领地。
编辑：忘了提一句，这同样影响到了前葡萄牙领地（巴西）以及法国丢失的领地（海地之类的），而不止是西班牙的领地。
Edit 2: Turns out Napoleon III only popularized the term. It had existed a few years before he latched onto it. So, although he didn't coin the term, he is the one that made it popular.
编辑2：事实上拿破仑三世只是推广了这个提法，它在他推广之前几年就出现了。所以尽管这个说法本身不是他创造的，但是他确实让这个说法流行了起来。
编辑2：事实上拿破仑三世只是推广了这个提法，它在他推广之前几年就出现了。所以尽管这个说法本身不是他创造的，但是他确实让这个说法流行了起来。
thegnuguyontheblock
Much of European history was Kings trying to re-establish themselves as the rulers of the "new Roman Empire". It's astounding how much effort was put into that.
欧洲历史的很大一部分基本就是各种国王尝试着让自己成为“新罗马帝国”的统治者。他们往里面投入的精力令人震惊。
Much of European history was Kings trying to re-establish themselves as the rulers of the "new Roman Empire". It's astounding how much effort was put into that.
欧洲历史的很大一部分基本就是各种国王尝试着让自己成为“新罗马帝国”的统治者。他们往里面投入的精力令人震惊。
HermanCainsGhost
The last ruler to use the term Caesar was deposed less than 100 years ago (Ottomans referred to themselves as Kasyer-I-Rum - or Caesar of Rome. Ottoman monarchy was abolished in 1924 IIRC).
最后一个用“凯撒”称呼自己的统治者不到一百年前才被推翻（奥斯曼帝国的皇帝管自己叫Kasyer-I-Rum，罗马的凯撒。没记错的话，奥斯曼王室在1924年被废除。）
The last ruler to use the term Caesar was deposed less than 100 years ago (Ottomans referred to themselves as Kasyer-I-Rum - or Caesar of Rome. Ottoman monarchy was abolished in 1924 IIRC).
最后一个用“凯撒”称呼自己的统治者不到一百年前才被推翻（奥斯曼帝国的皇帝管自己叫Kasyer-I-Rum，罗马的凯撒。没记错的话，奥斯曼王室在1924年被废除。）
That title had incredible longevity
这个名号真的很持久。
这个名号真的很持久。
irou-
The Marathon at the 1904 Olympics in St. Louis.
1904年圣路易斯奥运会的马拉松项目。
The Marathon at the 1904 Olympics in St. Louis.
1904年圣路易斯奥运会的马拉松项目。
The first place finisher did most of the race in a car. He had intended to drop out, and got a car back to the stadium to get his change of clothes, and just kind of started jogging when he heard the fanfare.
第一名基本全程都是坐在车里跑的。他本来想中途退赛，叫了辆车回体育馆想要换衣服，等到听见观众呼喊的时候才开始慢跑。
第一名基本全程都是坐在车里跑的。他本来想中途退赛，叫了辆车回体育馆想要换衣服，等到听见观众呼喊的时候才开始慢跑。
The second place finisher was carried across the finish line, legs technically twitching, by his trainers. They had been refusing him water, and giving him a mixture of Brandy and Rat Poison for the entire race. Doping wasn't illegal yet (and this was a terrible attempt at it), so he got the gold when the First guy was revealed.
第二名是被自己的训练员扛着冲过终点线的，他的腿都在抖。他们全程都不给他喝水，而是给他喝一种白兰地和老鼠药的混合物。当时兴奋剂还不违法（虽然这个兴奋剂太离谱了），所以在第一名被揭穿之后，他拿了金牌。
第二名是被自己的训练员扛着冲过终点线的，他的腿都在抖。他们全程都不给他喝水，而是给他喝一种白兰地和老鼠药的混合物。当时兴奋剂还不违法（虽然这个兴奋剂太离谱了），所以在第一名被揭穿之后，他拿了金牌。
Third finisher was unremarkable, somehow.
第三名相比之下就，没什么意思。
第三名相比之下就，没什么意思。
Fourth finisher was a Cuban Mailman, who had raised the funds to attend the olympics by running non-stop around his entire country. He landed in New Orleans, and promptly lost all of the travelling money on a riverboat casino. He ran the race in dress shoes and long trousers (cut off at the knee by a fellow competitor with a knife). He probably would have come in first (well, second, behind the car) had it not been for the hour nap he took on the side of the track after eating rotten apples he found on the side of the race.
第四名是个古巴的邮差，他之前不歇脚地绕着自己的祖国跑了一整圈，为自己参加奥运会募集了足够的资金。他在新奥尔良登陆之后，在一个河船赌场上输了自己带来的所有旅行经费，于是穿着正装鞋和长裤（一名参赛者用刀子帮他裁到了膝盖高度）跑完了这场比赛。如果不是因为吃了路边捡到的一个烂苹果，而在跑道旁边打了一个小时的盹的话，他或许本来可以拿第一名（呃，第二名，毕竟没车快）的。
第四名是个古巴的邮差，他之前不歇脚地绕着自己的祖国跑了一整圈，为自己参加奥运会募集了足够的资金。他在新奥尔良登陆之后，在一个河船赌场上输了自己带来的所有旅行经费，于是穿着正装鞋和长裤（一名参赛者用刀子帮他裁到了膝盖高度）跑完了这场比赛。如果不是因为吃了路边捡到的一个烂苹果，而在跑道旁边打了一个小时的盹的话，他或许本来可以拿第一名（呃，第二名，毕竟没车快）的。
9th and 12th finishers were from South Africa, and ran barefoot. South Africa didn't actually send a delegation - these were students who just happened to be in town and thought it sounded fun. 9th was chased a mile off course by angry dogs. Note: These are the first Africans to compete in any modern Olympic event.
第9到第12名完赛者都来自南非，他们是光脚跑的。南非其实没有官方派出代表团——他们都是学生，碰巧在城里，觉得这个项目很有意思。第九名被一群疯狗赶下跑道跑了一英里。注意：他们是第一群参与现代奥林匹克项目的非洲人。
第9到第12名完赛者都来自南非，他们是光脚跑的。南非其实没有官方派出代表团——他们都是学生，碰巧在城里，觉得这个项目很有意思。第九名被一群疯狗赶下跑道跑了一英里。注意：他们是第一群参与现代奥林匹克项目的非洲人。
Half the participants had never raced competatively before. Some died.
有一半参赛者此前从没进行过竞技性跑步。有些人直接死了。
有一半参赛者此前从没进行过竞技性跑步。有些人直接死了。
St. Louis only had one water stop on the entire run. This, coupled with the dusty road, and exacerbated by the cars kicking up dust, lead to the above fatalities. And yet, somehow, Rat Poison guy survived to get the Gold.
圣路易斯在整段赛程只设置了一个饮水点。这一点，加上满是尘土的道路，以及来往车辆扬起来的沙尘，导致了上述死亡。然而不知为什么，那个喝了耗子药的兄弟最后活着拿了金牌。
圣路易斯在整段赛程只设置了一个饮水点。这一点，加上满是尘土的道路，以及来往车辆扬起来的沙尘，导致了上述死亡。然而不知为什么，那个喝了耗子药的兄弟最后活着拿了金牌。
DuckOnQuak
It gets crazier, you neglected to mention the one water stop was an intentional design choice and not simply lack of oversight.
其实更疯狂，你忘了提全程只有一个饮水点是举办方有意设计的，而不是简单的缺乏远见。
It gets crazier, you neglected to mention the one water stop was an intentional design choice and not simply lack of oversight.
其实更疯狂，你忘了提全程只有一个饮水点是举办方有意设计的，而不是简单的缺乏远见。
The director wanted to test his theory on “purposeful dehydration”...during a marathon...on unpaved roads....while it was over 90F outside...
指导想要验证自己“目的性脱水”的理论……在一场马拉松中……道路崎岖不平……而且外面超过90华氏度……
指导想要验证自己“目的性脱水”的理论……在一场马拉松中……道路崎岖不平……而且外面超过90华氏度……
Truly next level incompetence.
真的是下一个级别的无能。
真的是下一个级别的无能。
The Russian delegation arrived a week late, because they were still using the Julian calendar. In 1904.
俄罗斯代表团迟到了一星期，因为他们还在用儒略历。在1904年。
俄罗斯代表团迟到了一星期，因为他们还在用儒略历。在1904年。
Mattrockj
Somehow the fact that 3rd was unremarkable makes it so much funnier
第三名没什么意思这个事实让一切都更搞笑了
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Somehow the fact that 3rd was unremarkable makes it so much funnier
第三名没什么意思这个事实让一切都更搞笑了
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
irou-
3rd place should be played by Michael Cera.
第三名应该让迈克尔·塞拉来演。
3rd place should be played by Michael Cera.
第三名应该让迈克尔·塞拉来演。
2074red2074
They keep showing all these scenes of chaos, and every now and then they just cut to Michael Cera just casually jogging down the road. In fact, use the same ten-second clip each time. No different camera angles or anything, just the exact same clip.
一直展现各种混乱的场景，然后每过一阵子就把迈克尔塞拉慢悠悠地沿着路跑的镜头剪进去。干脆就来回用同一段10秒钟的剪辑得了。用不着不同的角度之类的，就用完全相同的一段剪辑。
They keep showing all these scenes of chaos, and every now and then they just cut to Michael Cera just casually jogging down the road. In fact, use the same ten-second clip each time. No different camera angles or anything, just the exact same clip.
一直展现各种混乱的场景，然后每过一阵子就把迈克尔塞拉慢悠悠地沿着路跑的镜头剪进去。干脆就来回用同一段10秒钟的剪辑得了。用不着不同的角度之类的，就用完全相同的一段剪辑。
DoktorLuciferWong
Then he goes "hey I did pretty good!" at the end, accepts his awards in a gracious manner, then goes on to a live long, healthy--if uneventful, life afterwards.
然后他在最后说一句“嘿我跑得还挺好！”，非常感激地接受给自己的颁奖，然后度过长寿健康（又波澜不惊）的一生。
Then he goes "hey I did pretty good!" at the end, accepts his awards in a gracious manner, then goes on to a live long, healthy--if uneventful, life afterwards.
然后他在最后说一句“嘿我跑得还挺好！”，非常感激地接受给自己的颁奖，然后度过长寿健康（又波澜不惊）的一生。
2074red2074
First place guy on the podium giving a speech about how long and hard the race was while not even sweating, second place guy on the middle podium vomiting bile and honestly half dead, and Michael Cera just awkwardly standing there looking confused.
第一名站在颁奖台上口若悬河地说这场比赛有多么漫长而艰辛，身上一滴汗也没有，第二名站在旁边半死不活而且快要把胆汁都吐出来了，然后迈克尔·塞拉尴尬地站在旁边满脸困惑。
First place guy on the podium giving a speech about how long and hard the race was while not even sweating, second place guy on the middle podium vomiting bile and honestly half dead, and Michael Cera just awkwardly standing there looking confused.
第一名站在颁奖台上口若悬河地说这场比赛有多么漫长而艰辛，身上一滴汗也没有，第二名站在旁边半死不活而且快要把胆汁都吐出来了，然后迈克尔·塞拉尴尬地站在旁边满脸困惑。
waldosbuddy
Carvajal was sexted to represent Cuba in the 1906 Olympic Marathon at Athens, Greece, with his expenses funded by the Cuban Government. However, he disappeared after landing in Italy, and never arrived in Athens. He was thought to be dead, and his obituary was published in the Cuban newspapers, but he later returned to Havana on a Spanish steamer.
卡瓦哈尔当时被选中代表古巴参加1906年在希腊雅典举办的奥运会马拉松，他的花费由古巴政府报销。然而他在意大利着陆之后就消失了，根本就没抵达雅典。人们都以为他死了，他的讣告甚至登到了古巴的报纸上，但后来他坐着一艘西班牙蒸汽轮船回到了哈瓦那。
Carvajal was sexted to represent Cuba in the 1906 Olympic Marathon at Athens, Greece, with his expenses funded by the Cuban Government. However, he disappeared after landing in Italy, and never arrived in Athens. He was thought to be dead, and his obituary was published in the Cuban newspapers, but he later returned to Havana on a Spanish steamer.
卡瓦哈尔当时被选中代表古巴参加1906年在希腊雅典举办的奥运会马拉松，他的花费由古巴政府报销。然而他在意大利着陆之后就消失了，根本就没抵达雅典。人们都以为他死了，他的讣告甚至登到了古巴的报纸上，但后来他坐着一艘西班牙蒸汽轮船回到了哈瓦那。
Another story from this guys wiki lol
那家伙维基上的另一个故事哈哈
那家伙维基上的另一个故事哈哈
ZacPensol
The assassination of U.S. President James A. Garfield.
美国总统詹姆斯·A·伽菲尔德刺杀案。
The assassination of U.S. President James A. Garfield.
美国总统詹姆斯·A·伽菲尔德刺杀案。
Basically this guy named Charles wrote some essays campaigning for Ulysses S. Grant's failed 1880 nomination, and when Garfield ran for president Charles Ctrl+F'd the other politician's name and replaced it with Garfield's name. When Garfield won Charles marched up to the White House claiming to be owed some credit for that and wanted to be rewarded for his efforts by being made a consul to Vienna or Paris.
简单来说就是这个叫查尔斯的家伙给尤利西斯·S·格兰特1880年失败的竞选写过点文案。伽菲尔德竞选总统的时候，查尔斯就直接把另一个政治家的名字Ctrl+F（译注：查找所有类似的文本）了一下，替换成了伽菲尔德的名字。伽菲尔德胜选之后，查尔斯就冲进了白宫，说竞选他立大功，应该得到奖赏，比如去维也纳或者巴黎当个领事什么的。
简单来说就是这个叫查尔斯的家伙给尤利西斯·S·格兰特1880年失败的竞选写过点文案。伽菲尔德竞选总统的时候，查尔斯就直接把另一个政治家的名字Ctrl+F（译注：查找所有类似的文本）了一下，替换成了伽菲尔德的名字。伽菲尔德胜选之后，查尔斯就冲进了白宫，说竞选他立大功，应该得到奖赏，比如去维也纳或者巴黎当个领事什么的。
He was told to scram and he was so mad that he decided then and there that he'd teach them a lesson by killing Garfield. So he went to a store and chose to spend a little extra cash on the ivory-handled pistol because he thought it'd look better in a museum as the gun that killed the president. He was short a dollar so the shopkeep lowered the price. Charles then set about making plans for his eventually arrest, such as trying to tour the prison where he assumed he would be jailed.
白宫叫他滚。他气得立即决定要给伽菲尔德一个教训，那就是杀了他。于是他去了个商店，决定多花一点钱买一把象牙柄的手枪，因为他觉得作为一把杀死了总统的枪，它放到博物馆里更好看。他当时差一块钱，所以店主还给他打了折。于是查尔斯开始为自己以后的被捕制定计划，比如先去看看他觉得自己会被关押的那座监狱。
白宫叫他滚。他气得立即决定要给伽菲尔德一个教训，那就是杀了他。于是他去了个商店，决定多花一点钱买一把象牙柄的手枪，因为他觉得作为一把杀死了总统的枪，它放到博物馆里更好看。他当时差一块钱，所以店主还给他打了折。于是查尔斯开始为自己以后的被捕制定计划，比如先去看看他觉得自己会被关押的那座监狱。
His first opportunity to kill Garfield came as the president was seeing his wife off at a train station, but Charles felt it'd be cruel to kill a man in front of his sick wife so he opted to wait.
他的第一个杀死伽菲尔德的机会，是总统在火车站送自己的夫人的时候。但查尔斯觉得当着他病恹恹的老婆的面把他给杀了太残忍，于是他选择再等等。
他的第一个杀死伽菲尔德的机会，是总统在火车站送自己的夫人的时候。但查尔斯觉得当着他病恹恹的老婆的面把他给杀了太残忍，于是他选择再等等。
His next chance popped up as Garfield was hanging out with Robert Todd Lincoln who had a knack for being close with presidents who got killed. Charles walks up, fires and was immediately arrested. Thankfully Charles wasn't all bad and as he was being loaded up he handed the cop his gun which the cop had forgotten to grab from him.
他的下一个机会出现了，伽菲尔德在和罗伯特·托德·林肯（译注：林肯总统的长子）这个很喜欢呆在被刺杀的总统身边的家伙打发时间。查尔斯走上前去，开了枪，然后立刻被逮捕了。谢天谢地查尔斯没那么坏，在他被一群人围起来的时候他还主动把自己的枪交了出去，因为警察忘了把枪夺下来。
他的下一个机会出现了，伽菲尔德在和罗伯特·托德·林肯（译注：林肯总统的长子）这个很喜欢呆在被刺杀的总统身边的家伙打发时间。查尔斯走上前去，开了枪，然后立刻被逮捕了。谢天谢地查尔斯没那么坏，在他被一群人围起来的时候他还主动把自己的枪交了出去，因为警察忘了把枪夺下来。
Garfield was taken back home and doctors dug around inside him with dirty fingers looking for the bullet - we'll come back to that. The navy rigged up a makeshift air conditioner for Garfield to help with his fever and they even called in a cameo from Alexander Graham Bell to make a metal detector to find the bullet, but they didn't account for Garfield being on a metal-frxd bed or bother to check the side of his body where the bullet was lodged.
伽菲尔德被送回了家，大夫用脏兮兮的手指在他的身体里到处捅来捅去，想要找到那发子弹——我们等会儿再说。海军给伽菲尔德造了个临时空调来应对她的高烧，他们甚至从亚历山大·格雷厄姆·贝尔那里叫了个帮手过来造个金属探测器找子弹，但是他们忘了伽菲尔德就躺在一张金属框架的病床上，他们也没检查到伽菲尔德身体被子弹打的那一侧。
伽菲尔德被送回了家，大夫用脏兮兮的手指在他的身体里到处捅来捅去，想要找到那发子弹——我们等会儿再说。海军给伽菲尔德造了个临时空调来应对她的高烧，他们甚至从亚历山大·格雷厄姆·贝尔那里叫了个帮手过来造个金属探测器找子弹，但是他们忘了伽菲尔德就躺在一张金属框架的病床上，他们也没检查到伽菲尔德身体被子弹打的那一侧。
Not getting better, they sent Garfield by train to a cottage on the beach where volunteers even helped build a rail line to the cottage to make it easier.
情况并没有好转，于是他们把伽菲尔德送到了海岸边的一个小别墅里，志愿者甚至帮忙造了一条铁轨好让转移更方便。
情况并没有好转，于是他们把伽菲尔德送到了海岸边的一个小别墅里，志愿者甚至帮忙造了一条铁轨好让转移更方便。
Remember how they kept digging in the wound with dirty fingers and tools? Yeah, that got infected and after nearly 80 days of misery Garfield died. Modern doctors and historians believe he would've likely been fine if they'd just treated the wound and not worried about digging out the bullet, or at the very least been smarter about getting the bullet out.
还记得他们是怎么用脏手指和工具在伤口里捅来捅去的吗？没错，这让伽菲尔德感染了。在经历了将近80天的痛苦之后，伽菲尔德去世了。现代的医生和历史学家都认为，如果他们只是好好处理伤口，别老惦记着那逼子弹头儿，或者最起码在把弹头挖出来的时候聪明点，那他很可能就没事。
还记得他们是怎么用脏手指和工具在伤口里捅来捅去的吗？没错，这让伽菲尔德感染了。在经历了将近80天的痛苦之后，伽菲尔德去世了。现代的医生和历史学家都认为，如果他们只是好好处理伤口，别老惦记着那逼子弹头儿，或者最起码在把弹头挖出来的时候聪明点，那他很可能就没事。
Charles sat in jail until his trial where he insulted his lawyers, gave his testimony in the form of poetry, and passed notes to people in the audience asking for legal advice. He sang, he put out ads in the paper looking for a wife, and had plans to go on a speaking tour once he was found innocent.
查尔斯直到出席审判为止都呆在监狱里。他在庭审现场骂了自己的律师，用诗歌的方式给出了证词，并且给下面的观众传纸条，希望他们能给他点法律建议。他唱歌，他在报纸上登广告征婚，他甚至制定好了在宣布无罪之后开始巡回演讲的计划。
查尔斯直到出席审判为止都呆在监狱里。他在庭审现场骂了自己的律师，用诗歌的方式给出了证词，并且给下面的观众传纸条，希望他们能给他点法律建议。他唱歌，他在报纸上登广告征婚，他甚至制定好了在宣布无罪之后开始巡回演讲的计划。
He wasn't.
但他有罪。
但他有罪。
Charles was sentenced to death by hanging, danced his way up to the rope, and sang a song he wrote (the orchestra he requested was denied). He was hanged and now part of his brain is on display in Philadelphia.
查尔斯被判处绞刑。他跳着舞走到绞索前面，唱了一首自己写的歌（他所要求的的管弦乐团伴奏被拒绝了）。他被绞死了，他的一部分大脑现在在费城展览。
查尔斯被判处绞刑。他跳着舞走到绞索前面，唱了一首自己写的歌（他所要求的的管弦乐团伴奏被拒绝了）。他被绞死了，他的一部分大脑现在在费城展览。
Arctic_Eagle1
hanging out with Robert Todd Lincoln who had a knack for being close with presidents who got killed.
“在和罗伯特·托德·林肯（译注：林肯总统的长子）这个很喜欢呆在被刺杀的总统身边的家伙打发时间”
hanging out with Robert Todd Lincoln who had a knack for being close with presidents who got killed.
“在和罗伯特·托德·林肯（译注：林肯总统的长子）这个很喜欢呆在被刺杀的总统身边的家伙打发时间”
LMAO
笑死我了
笑死我了
ZacPensol
It's true!:
这是真的！
It's true!:
这是真的！
While he wasn't present when his father was shot, he was nearby and quickly came to his father's side.
虽然他爸爸挨枪子儿的时候他不在现场，但是他在附近，并且很快跑到了他爸爸身边。
虽然他爸爸挨枪子儿的时候他不在现场，但是他在附近，并且很快跑到了他爸爸身边。
In 1881 he was in the company of Garfield when he was shot.
1881年伽菲尔德被枪击的时候他正好陪着伽菲尔德。
1881年伽菲尔德被枪击的时候他正好陪着伽菲尔德。
Then 20 years later he was just outside the building when McKinley was shot.
20年后麦金利被枪击的时候他刚走出那栋楼。
20年后麦金利被枪击的时候他刚走出那栋楼。
I forget what president it was purported to be, but apparently some years later he was invited to some presidential function and declined saying, basically, "nah, I'm good. Presidents tend to get shot when I come by."
我忘了是哪一任总统了。但是几年之后有一任总统邀请他参加聚会，他说“哎，还行吧。就是我路过的时候总统容易挨枪子儿。”
我忘了是哪一任总统了。但是几年之后有一任总统邀请他参加聚会，他说“哎，还行吧。就是我路过的时候总统容易挨枪子儿。”
Strict-Pineapple
For extra insanity, after he was hanged Charles was autopsied and the doctors of the time concluded that the reason for his mania that led to him assassinating president Garfield was because his foreskin was too tight for him to retract it, no really.
还有更疯狂的。在查尔斯被绞死之后，法医对他进行了尸检，得出的结论是他之所以会疯狂到刺杀总统，是因为他的包皮太紧他撸不下来，真的。
For extra insanity, after he was hanged Charles was autopsied and the doctors of the time concluded that the reason for his mania that led to him assassinating president Garfield was because his foreskin was too tight for him to retract it, no really.
还有更疯狂的。在查尔斯被绞死之后，法医对他进行了尸检，得出的结论是他之所以会疯狂到刺杀总统，是因为他的包皮太紧他撸不下来，真的。
WasteNet2532
The last known kill by bow and arrow in combat was actually during the battle of Dunkirk, 1940. Jack Churchill landed a well placed arrow into a german soldier's chest
最后一次在战斗中用弓箭杀人的是1940年的敦刻尔克战役期间。杰克·邱吉尔把一根箭矢准准地射进了一个德国兵的胸口。
The last known kill by bow and arrow in combat was actually during the battle of Dunkirk, 1940. Jack Churchill landed a well placed arrow into a german soldier's chest
最后一次在战斗中用弓箭杀人的是1940年的敦刻尔克战役期间。杰克·邱吉尔把一根箭矢准准地射进了一个德国兵的胸口。
He also chose to carry bagpipes, and a scottish longsword
他还带了风笛，和一把苏格兰长剑。
他还带了风笛，和一把苏格兰长剑。
sbammers
That guy's story is insane. It also includes:
那兄弟的故事简直疯狂。别的还有：
That guy's story is insane. It also includes:
那兄弟的故事简直疯狂。别的还有：
Working as a model and actor before the war
在战前当模特和演员
在战前当模特和演员
Getting captured, chucked in a PoW camp, escaping, getting captured again, being liberated and then walking 93 miles to Italy
被逮捕，被塞进战俘营，逃跑，又被逮捕，被解放，然后徒步走了93英里到意大利
被逮捕，被塞进战俘营，逃跑，又被逮捕，被解放，然后徒步走了93英里到意大利
Becoming a surf instructor after the war
战后当冲浪教练
战后当冲浪教练
Confusing the crap out of commuters by launching his briefcase into his garden as his train passed so he didn't have to carry it home
坐的火车路过自己家的时候他直接把行李箱扔进了自己家的花园，这样他就不用带回去了，把通勤的其他人都整不会了
坐的火车路过自己家的时候他直接把行李箱扔进了自己家的花园，这样他就不用带回去了，把通勤的其他人都整不会了
tinyyellowhouse
One of eleven children born to Charles and Maria Sax, Adolphe was an extremely accident prone youth who barely made it to adulthood. At three he fell three floors down bashing his head on the stone floor at the bottom. He drank a bowl of acidic water believing it was milk. He swallowed and subsequently passed a large needle. He flew across his fathers workshop and was burned badly when a barrel of gunpowder exploded. He fell upon a hot cast-iron pan on a stove burning his side. He frequently slept in a room where varnished furniture was drying, somehow avoiding poisoning and asphyxiation. He was hit in the head with a slate roof tile while walking down the street. He fell in a river and nearly drowned.
查尔斯·萨克斯和玛利亚·萨克斯的十一个孩子中的一个。阿道夫是个非常容易出事儿的小孩子，差点没能成年。三岁的时候他从三层楼高的地方头朝下摔到了石头地板上。他喝过一大碗酸性溶液，以为那是牛奶。他吞过一根针，然后又把它排了出去。他曾经从父亲的工坊上空飞过，并且被一桶爆炸的火药严重烧伤。他曾经掉进过一个放在炉子上烧的火热的铸铁锅里，烧伤了身体侧面。他经常在一间用于风干家具的房间里睡觉，不知为何没有中毒也没有窒息。他在街上走的时候被掉下来的瓦片砸到过脑袋。他掉进过河里并且差点淹死。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
One of eleven children born to Charles and Maria Sax, Adolphe was an extremely accident prone youth who barely made it to adulthood. At three he fell three floors down bashing his head on the stone floor at the bottom. He drank a bowl of acidic water believing it was milk. He swallowed and subsequently passed a large needle. He flew across his fathers workshop and was burned badly when a barrel of gunpowder exploded. He fell upon a hot cast-iron pan on a stove burning his side. He frequently slept in a room where varnished furniture was drying, somehow avoiding poisoning and asphyxiation. He was hit in the head with a slate roof tile while walking down the street. He fell in a river and nearly drowned.
查尔斯·萨克斯和玛利亚·萨克斯的十一个孩子中的一个。阿道夫是个非常容易出事儿的小孩子，差点没能成年。三岁的时候他从三层楼高的地方头朝下摔到了石头地板上。他喝过一大碗酸性溶液，以为那是牛奶。他吞过一根针，然后又把它排了出去。他曾经从父亲的工坊上空飞过，并且被一桶爆炸的火药严重烧伤。他曾经掉进过一个放在炉子上烧的火热的铸铁锅里，烧伤了身体侧面。他经常在一间用于风干家具的房间里睡觉，不知为何没有中毒也没有窒息。他在街上走的时候被掉下来的瓦片砸到过脑袋。他掉进过河里并且差点淹死。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Then this same child, who some force was failing miserably to unalive, grew up and had the audacity to invent the saxophone.
就是这个孩子，这个有种神秘力量让他很难死的孩子，长大之后竟然还敢发明萨克斯。
就是这个孩子，这个有种神秘力量让他很难死的孩子，长大之后竟然还敢发明萨克斯。
Heiminator
The assassination of archduke Franz Ferdinand. If a screenwriter wrote a fictional scxt with the same chain of events he’d be laughed out of the room.
对弗朗茨·费迪南的刺杀。如果有个剧作家敢按照真实发生的事件写剧本的话他会被笑出房间的。
The assassination of archduke Franz Ferdinand. If a screenwriter wrote a fictional scxt with the same chain of events he’d be laughed out of the room.
对弗朗茨·费迪南的刺杀。如果有个剧作家敢按照真实发生的事件写剧本的话他会被笑出房间的。
nWo1997
Let's see. Background: Out of the more powerful figures in Austria-Hungary, Ferdinand was one of the most sympathetic to the Serbians. The route he would take was published. And...
让我们看看吧。背景：在奥匈帝国的所有强权人物中，费迪南大公是最同情塞尔维亚人的一个。他将自己的路线公之于众，于是……
Let's see. Background: Out of the more powerful figures in Austria-Hungary, Ferdinand was one of the most sympathetic to the Serbians. The route he would take was published. And...
让我们看看吧。背景：在奥匈帝国的所有强权人物中，费迪南大公是最同情塞尔维亚人的一个。他将自己的路线公之于众，于是……
The first would-be assassins couldn't do it.
第一个暗杀者没能成功。
第一个暗杀者没能成功。
One throws a bomb that lands in a crowd (might've been the same one that jumped into a river and took expired cyanide), and one's guns jammed.
有个人往人群里扔了一枚炸弹（或许就是那个跳进河里然后吃了过期氰化物的人），还有个人的枪哑火了。
有个人往人群里扔了一枚炸弹（或许就是那个跳进河里然后吃了过期氰化物的人），还有个人的枪哑火了。
Ferdinand, instead of going back to Austria-Hungary, decides instead to visit the wounded in a nearby hospital.
费迪南并没有回到奥匈帝国，而是决定去附近的医院看望伤者。
费迪南并没有回到奥匈帝国，而是决定去附近的医院看望伤者。
On the way to the hospital, his driver makes a wrong turn to a street with a sandwich shop, where his assassin just so happened to be eating a "our plan failed, I need something to take off the edge" sammich.
在去医院的路上，他的司机拐错了一个弯，开到了另一条街上，街上有家三明治商店，刺杀他的那个刺客碰巧正在那里想着“我们的计划失败了，吃点东西缓缓吧”吃着三明治。
在去医院的路上，他的司机拐错了一个弯，开到了另一条街上，街上有家三明治商店，刺杀他的那个刺客碰巧正在那里想着“我们的计划失败了，吃点东西缓缓吧”吃着三明治。
Aquatax
For example: immediately after being shot, Theodore Roosevelt continued by giving a 90 minute speech before going to the hospital.
举个例子：在被枪击之后，西奥多·罗斯福接着演讲了90分钟才去医院。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
For example: immediately after being shot, Theodore Roosevelt continued by giving a 90 minute speech before going to the hospital.
举个例子：在被枪击之后，西奥多·罗斯福接着演讲了90分钟才去医院。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Actually all of Teddy’s life is fairly absurd now I think about it
事实上仔细想想，泰迪这辈子都挺啥比的。
事实上仔细想想，泰迪这辈子都挺啥比的。
Skorj
Teddy Roosevelt once had his boat stolen. so he made a new boat from a tree, then went after them. Held them at gunpoint, (he was a deputy) and then took them in to justice.
泰迪·罗斯福有一次船被偷了。于是他用附近的一棵树造了条新船，然后在后面追他们。拿枪顶着（他是个警官）把他们送到了警察局。
Teddy Roosevelt once had his boat stolen. so he made a new boat from a tree, then went after them. Held them at gunpoint, (he was a deputy) and then took them in to justice.
泰迪·罗斯福有一次船被偷了。于是他用附近的一棵树造了条新船，然后在后面追他们。拿枪顶着（他是个警官）把他们送到了警察局。
he caught people who stole his boat, by building a new boat then giving chase.
他抓住了偷他船的人，方法是自己造了一条船，然后用这条船追上了他们。
他抓住了偷他船的人，方法是自己造了一条船，然后用这条船追上了他们。
Ace_of_Clubs
Here's One:
我再讲一个：
Here's One:
我再讲一个：
During the 1901 Republican nominations, TR was unanimously voted to be the Vice President except for one vote...his own. He was adamant about not becoming the VP because he claimed: "It is a stepping stop to nothing but oblivion". The big republican bosses figured he could actually do the least amount of damage as the VP because every other role TR ended up in he would make it powerful and gain more popularity. Senator Hannah said to McKinley when TR became the VP that "your only duty to the country is to live for four years." McKinley was, of course, shot and killed, making TR the youngest president ever to serve the nation.
在1901年的共和党大选期间，泰迪罗斯福几乎全票当选副总统，除了一票——他自己没投。他非常固执地不想当副总统，因为他说“这是前往毁灭路上的歇脚站。”共和党的大老板们觉得让他当副总统是对全党危害最小的，因为但凡让他担任其他任何一个职位，他都能有更多实权，让自己更受欢迎。泰迪罗斯福当选副总统的时候，参议员汉拿曾经对麦金利说“你对这个国家唯一要尽的职责就是活过四年。”当然，麦金利挨了一枪然后死了。于是泰迪罗斯福成为了当时历史上最年轻的美国总统。
在1901年的共和党大选期间，泰迪罗斯福几乎全票当选副总统，除了一票——他自己没投。他非常固执地不想当副总统，因为他说“这是前往毁灭路上的歇脚站。”共和党的大老板们觉得让他当副总统是对全党危害最小的，因为但凡让他担任其他任何一个职位，他都能有更多实权，让自己更受欢迎。泰迪罗斯福当选副总统的时候，参议员汉拿曾经对麦金利说“你对这个国家唯一要尽的职责就是活过四年。”当然，麦金利挨了一枪然后死了。于是泰迪罗斯福成为了当时历史上最年轻的美国总统。
He would also read a book a day while president, and could memorize entire passages and pages. This was amazingly helpful because he would plan a meeting, read about the subject, and become an expert on the matter almost overnight.
他在当总统的时候一天就能读完一本书，并且能整段整页地记住内容。这非常有帮助，因为他可以计划好一场会议，提前读一点书了解一下相关问题，然后几乎在一夜之间成为相关领域的专家。
他在当总统的时候一天就能读完一本书，并且能整段整页地记住内容。这非常有帮助，因为他可以计划好一场会议，提前读一点书了解一下相关问题，然后几乎在一夜之间成为相关领域的专家。
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