2021-12-08 汤沐之邑 7504

Have you ever witnessed anyone throw away their life?


My boyfriend.
He was smart, incredibly handsome, talented, charming, sweet, etc. He was an amazing man. So creative…
We had a nice life. Both of us had very good jobs. Lived together. Did everything together. I loved him more than life itself. We had all the same hobbies & interests. He had his own dreams of starting a business on the side. We wanted a daughter. We planned on buying a house in 2018. Vacations planned for 2017. We were absolutely soulmates, I knew by our second date. I felt like I had known him in past lifetimes.
He relapsed (after over 4 years clean) and died. When he died, we still had some of his leftover birthday cake in our fridge.
I am grieving my loss of my best friend. I am grieving for him. I am also grieving the loss of the daughter we wanted so bad (we talked about her all the time- had her name picked, how we would try to raise her, what she would look like, etc.) . I am grieving all the things he will never experience/ accomplish. I am grieving his personal dreams, as well as our dreams together as a couple.
I lost the love of my life, because the love of his life turned out to be heroin.


Jay Bazzinotti, Be Here Now
I’ve seen this happen more than once. Once, when I was a Product Manager in charge of a product line we made the mistake of promoting an Engineer into Marketing. As soon as he put on that white shirt and tie he suddenly thought he was “somebody”. From a demure, curious Engineer he became an imperious Know-it-all who knew nothing and embarrassed himself. But then it got worse. He attended some day-trading seminar and now he was going to get rich overnight. He was on the phone with his broker constantly, buying and selling and never completing his assigned tasks. We had lost all respect for him.
But the worst came when we were sent to a trade show in Las Vegas. He showed up at the booth without a belt. Our management considered us under-dressed at the office if we wore sport coats instead of two piece suits and he was showing up to attend customers without a belt. Our manager was aghast. They sent him out to buy a belt. He missed the first four hours of the show. But it got worse. We were in Las Vegas and when the booth closed he hit the tables. He was there all night, losing money by the thousands. When the show opened the next day he didn’t show up for two hours and when he did show up it was in the same clothes. He was unshaven and reeked of booze. He looked like Hell and he was shaken. He had lost so much money he couldn’t think straight. The boss sent him to get cleaned up. He never returned. He went back to the tables. By the end of the show he had lost his house. He was a wreck on the plane going home. He had no idea what he was going to tell his wife. The following work day he showed up in his suit and tie - and the boss and HR were waiting for him. He was walked out within minutes. In less than a week he had lost all his savings, his house and his job. I never saw anyone so broken in so short a time.
Another time I worked with a crackerjack engineer who was a non-conformist. This was usually tolerated in most companies. But as the company’s fortunes waned he became more and more erratic. The company was in a death spiral and it seemed to affect him deeply. People were bailing left and right but he had been there for 17 years and it was his life. The products he built were like his children. He was way too invested in the ongoing success of the company and he railed against anyone and everyone whom he thought was impeding the success of the company. The problem was that the products were too weak, the competition too strong and the sales force too incapable. In addition, Management was absolutely clueless.


In a few short years we had spiraled downhill from well over 120 million dollars annually to about 20 million and falling fast. I was on my way out along with anyone who still had even half a clue . And then we needed him to go onsite to talk to our last big customer, the one customer who was keeping the company solvent. He was needed to explain how we would incorporate the features they needed. In fact, there was never any plan to do what they wanted - we no longer had the ability to accomplish it and make a profit so the goal was to stall them or convince them why they didn’t need the features. But when we were all sitting around the table with the customer, on their site, and he was asked to speak, he said, “What the hell is wrong with you people? You’re suckers. We’re never going to make these changes.”
I have never seen such a meltdown in front of a customer before. Silence reigned. What can you say after that? The meeting broke up. He was fired instantly - but he couldn’t understand why. When HR came to his office, he locked the door and refused to leave. We had to call the police. He had to be physically carried from the building. It was not a building with card-keys, but with a real tumbler lock and he had keys. We had to change all the locks on the building. He would try to enter the building through the loading dock and sneak back to his office and do work. The police were called more than once. His wife would come and take him away. When he couldn’t get in he would hang around the door with his big dogs and frighten the hell out of the employees. Legal action finally had to be taken. He was mentally destroyed. He eventually got a job as the most junior technician at some other failing company. He was no longer capable of functioning as the senior electrical engineer he had once been.


Christopher Seaton, lives in The United Kingdom


I threw away my own life.
I was always top of the class. Top sets at school. The smartest kids. Chess team. Good at all sports. It just came naturally. Consequently my school reports were peppered with “must try harder”. I could do it. I just didn’t enjoy it. My parents were very education focused. Neither of them had been to university and they were determined that their boys would have the chances that hadn’t had.
My older brother was smart as well. He did everything right. Worked hard at school. Studied. Went to university. Had a fantastic career. Is doing very well. I was supposed to do that. I didn’t want to.
I didn’t know what I wanted. I was told I could be anything. I didn’t want to be the things that people wanted me to be.


I bought a battered old acoustic guitar off a friend and learnt to play a few chords. Once I got to 6th form college and there was a looser leash regarding class attendance I quickly stopped going. My parents were fraught. “What are you doing with your life?” became a constant refrain for the next few years as I moved further and further away from the person I was supposed to be have been. Even then I still landed a plum trainee management job at 19 with then retail giant WHSmith. I remember one of the suits who regularly turned up from Head Office say to me that if I worked hard I could be in his position in 10 years.
I quit within a year and went back to college. I didn’t want that.
And then I just bummed about. I was thrown out of uni for non attendance. I did a lot of drugs. I played in bands. Had sex. Lived on the breadline. Worked here and there in crap jobs. The ones I liked best were the boring ones when you could spend your shifts reading. By then I was onto the big Russians and the big French authors. I kind of thought I might write a book one day but other than some dodgy poetry and song lyrics I didn’t really write. I thought maybe I could be a successful musician but I knew I didn’t have the drive for that. It was just fun.
Family visits were often tense. I was the classic drop out pot smoking black sheep. My mother would cry and my father would lecture. I would try to explain that I sort of knew what I was doing and that despite what they thought I was happy and having an adventure, but they didn’t really want to hear that. By the time I was 25 I was washing pots in a kitchen at a university .

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And that is where it all changed. I liked that job. It was busy and chaotic. The food was amazing. My first experience with fine dining. I loved the drama and madness of a busy service. I was hooked from the start. I am a creative person. I need to making things or I’m not happy. That’s why I couldn’t study. I just couldn’t. I don’t function like that. I have always been playing guitar, writing songs, making pictures and art. I knew I didn’t want the path that had been mapped out for me but for a long time I didn’t know what I wanted instead. And then there it was. A month or so after I started they employed a new young head chef who I very quickly hit it off with over a shared interest in similar music and movies. He encouraged my burgeoning interest in food and food preparation. I was the guy doing longer and longer hours. Soon I was in whites and going to college on my day off. I just wanted to learn everything. I would study the menus for upcoming events and look up the dishes in my now growing library of second hand cookery books (pre internet, this was the 90s). I volunteered to do the late nights. The big dinners. I learnt from the ground up. I have done every job in a kitchen. And I did them well. I listened and did what I was told. The head chef continued to mentor me and even told me when it was time to move on to further my career.
That was about 20 years ago. I have been very successful. Still want to learn. A few years ago my parents came to visit me and I showed them round my then new kitchen. My first head chef job at the same university where I first found my passion for food. They were very proud.
So, yeah. I threw my own life away. And then I forged a new one. One that I truly wanted to live.
Thanks for reading.


Elias Fredericks lives in New York

Elias Fredericks ,住在纽约。

In 7th grade, I befriended a girl, let’s call her G.
She was really nice, funny, and fun to be around.
We went to a private school, that had about 7 people per grade, so she was very lucky and supported, and even though she had some issues, they were kept under control in this school environment.
The big mistake G made was decided that the next year, she wanted to go to public school.
In public school, your individual problems aren’t really cared about.
The lack of support in the school environment started to lead her down the wrong path.
She one day, out of the middle of no where, started cursing out a bunch of people in our group chat, is posting pictures of her smoking weed on her social media, and told me that she is failing most of her classes.
Some people just aren’t meant for public school.
She threw her life away when she had the ability to be somewhere where she could be supported and helped, but chose to not be.


Rahul D Souza, Technical Engineer at VMware (2017-present)

Rahul D Souza,VMware技术工程师(2017年至今)

A close friend of mine. He was a bright student, brightest of the lot I would say. All that he lacked was the peace if mind. The continual stress to excel if he had to take up Science in his Pre-Uni. The never ending taunts, the unfinished textbooks and the state on the face of his parents killed the bubbly little kid within him.
All he needed was a little support. All he needs was a ear that listens, a hand that holds his hands and tells him that it's okay. A warm hug with the assurance that they had his back no matter what. All he got was ‘ Beta, Study'. How much weight can you put on a already tired soldier. .
He finally found peace in the sharp edge of the blade. He found eternity when the blade played against the vein. The boy lost himself on the verge of finding success.


After every soul is lost at the hands of a rope or of a knife, we weep and eventually forget. Picture this: Your body is lying in your room, motionless. The sister you fought with last night and countless other nights sees you like that. She will never be the same little kid again. She will have nightmares for the rest of her life. The mother who scolded you yesterday is numb. Motionless, a little different from you, she will blame herself for the rest of her incomplete life. Your father who took you to the garden on his piggy back after work, no matter how tired he was, now has to carry your lifeless body, praying with all his might that he could save you. You never saw him cry? Well, you should see him now. Your best friend will hold on to the last few memories in which you smiled. She will cry into her pillow every night. She will forever think about everything she could have, should have and would have said only if you were alive.
Suicide doesn’t take away the pain; it just gives it to someone else. Also, choosing alternatives like drugs and cigars too would be an alternative to ruining your life itself.
If there's anyone who feels suicidal and is reading this, I really hope you see this because i just wanted to let you know that there's someone who cares about you..You may not know them,but i promise you there's someone out there.I care,I really do,and would hate to find out that you harmed or ended your life.I promise people will notice if you were gone,and they would be sad,very sad.Please don't hurt yourself,I'm thinking of you,praying for you and hoping that things will get better for you.There are people out there who care for you - SMILE ..I'm not telling you that its going to be easy,I'm telling you that its going to be worth it .YOU CANNOT BE REPLACED.


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