你见过有人放弃自己的生命吗(上)
正文翻译
Have you ever witnessed anyone throw away their life?
你见过有人放弃自己的生命吗?
Have you ever witnessed anyone throw away their life?
你见过有人放弃自己的生命吗?
评论翻译
Anonymous
My boyfriend.
He was smart, incredibly handsome, talented, charming, sweet, etc. He was an amazing man. So creative…
We had a nice life. Both of us had very good jobs. Lived together. Did everything together. I loved him more than life itself. We had all the same hobbies & interests. He had his own dreams of starting a business on the side. We wanted a daughter. We planned on buying a house in 2018. Vacations planned for 2017. We were absolutely soulmates, I knew by our second date. I felt like I had known him in past lifetimes.
He relapsed (after over 4 years clean) and died. When he died, we still had some of his leftover birthday cake in our fridge.
I am grieving my loss of my best friend. I am grieving for him. I am also grieving the loss of the daughter we wanted so bad (we talked about her all the time- had her name picked, how we would try to raise her, what she would look like, etc.) . I am grieving all the things he will never experience/ accomplish. I am grieving his personal dreams, as well as our dreams together as a couple.
I lost the love of my life, because the love of his life turned out to be heroin.
我男朋友。
他聪明、英俊、才华横溢、迷人、令人愉快等等。他是一个了不起的人，富有创造力。
我们过得很好。我们俩都有很好的工作。住在一起，每件事都一起做。我爱他胜过爱生命本身。我们有着相同的爱好和兴趣。他有自己的梦想，想兼职创业。我们想要一个女儿。我们计划在2018年买房。计划于2017年休假。我们绝对是灵魂伴侣，我在第二次约会时就知道了。我觉得我在前世就认识他了。
他旧病复发(4年多没有复发)并死亡。他死后，我们的冰箱里还有一些他吃剩的生日蛋糕。
我为失去我最好的朋友而悲痛，我为他悲伤。我也为失去我们非常想要的女儿感到悲痛（我们一直在谈论她—她的名字被选好了，我们将如何抚养她，她会是什么样子，等等）。我为他永远不会经历/完成的一切感到悲伤。我为他的个人梦想感到悲伤，也为我们作为一对夫妇在一起的梦想感到悲伤。
我失去了我一生的挚爱，因为他一生的挚爱变成了海洛因。
My boyfriend.
He was smart, incredibly handsome, talented, charming, sweet, etc. He was an amazing man. So creative…
We had a nice life. Both of us had very good jobs. Lived together. Did everything together. I loved him more than life itself. We had all the same hobbies & interests. He had his own dreams of starting a business on the side. We wanted a daughter. We planned on buying a house in 2018. Vacations planned for 2017. We were absolutely soulmates, I knew by our second date. I felt like I had known him in past lifetimes.
He relapsed (after over 4 years clean) and died. When he died, we still had some of his leftover birthday cake in our fridge.
I am grieving my loss of my best friend. I am grieving for him. I am also grieving the loss of the daughter we wanted so bad (we talked about her all the time- had her name picked, how we would try to raise her, what she would look like, etc.) . I am grieving all the things he will never experience/ accomplish. I am grieving his personal dreams, as well as our dreams together as a couple.
I lost the love of my life, because the love of his life turned out to be heroin.
我男朋友。
他聪明、英俊、才华横溢、迷人、令人愉快等等。他是一个了不起的人，富有创造力。
我们过得很好。我们俩都有很好的工作。住在一起，每件事都一起做。我爱他胜过爱生命本身。我们有着相同的爱好和兴趣。他有自己的梦想，想兼职创业。我们想要一个女儿。我们计划在2018年买房。计划于2017年休假。我们绝对是灵魂伴侣，我在第二次约会时就知道了。我觉得我在前世就认识他了。
他旧病复发(4年多没有复发)并死亡。他死后，我们的冰箱里还有一些他吃剩的生日蛋糕。
我为失去我最好的朋友而悲痛，我为他悲伤。我也为失去我们非常想要的女儿感到悲痛（我们一直在谈论她—她的名字被选好了，我们将如何抚养她，她会是什么样子，等等）。我为他永远不会经历/完成的一切感到悲伤。我为他的个人梦想感到悲伤，也为我们作为一对夫妇在一起的梦想感到悲伤。
我失去了我一生的挚爱，因为他一生的挚爱变成了海洛因。
Jay Bazzinotti, Be Here Now
I’ve seen this happen more than once. Once, when I was a Product Manager in charge of a product line we made the mistake of promoting an Engineer into Marketing. As soon as he put on that white shirt and tie he suddenly thought he was “somebody”. From a demure, curious Engineer he became an imperious Know-it-all who knew nothing and embarrassed himself. But then it got worse. He attended some day-trading seminar and now he was going to get rich overnight. He was on the phone with his broker constantly, buying and selling and never completing his assigned tasks. We had lost all respect for him.
But the worst came when we were sent to a trade show in Las Vegas. He showed up at the booth without a belt. Our management considered us under-dressed at the office if we wore sport coats instead of two piece suits and he was showing up to attend customers without a belt. Our manager was aghast. They sent him out to buy a belt. He missed the first four hours of the show. But it got worse. We were in Las Vegas and when the booth closed he hit the tables. He was there all night, losing money by the thousands. When the show opened the next day he didn’t show up for two hours and when he did show up it was in the same clothes. He was unshaven and reeked of booze. He looked like Hell and he was shaken. He had lost so much money he couldn’t think straight. The boss sent him to get cleaned up. He never returned. He went back to the tables. By the end of the show he had lost his house. He was a wreck on the plane going home. He had no idea what he was going to tell his wife. The following work day he showed up in his suit and tie - and the boss and HR were waiting for him. He was walked out within minutes. In less than a week he had lost all his savings, his house and his job. I never saw anyone so broken in so short a time.
Another time I worked with a crackerjack engineer who was a non-conformist. This was usually tolerated in most companies. But as the company’s fortunes waned he became more and more erratic. The company was in a death spiral and it seemed to affect him deeply. People were bailing left and right but he had been there for 17 years and it was his life. The products he built were like his children. He was way too invested in the ongoing success of the company and he railed against anyone and everyone whom he thought was impeding the success of the company. The problem was that the products were too weak, the competition too strong and the sales force too incapable. In addition, Management was absolutely clueless.
这种事我见过不止一次。有一次，当我还是一个产品线的产品经理时，我们犯了一个错误，把一个工程师提拔到市场部。他一穿上那件白衬衫，打上领带，就突然觉得自己是个“大人物”。他从一个矜持、好奇的工程师变成了一个自以为是的万事通，什么都不知道，只会让自己难堪。但后来情况变得更糟了。某一天他参加了的短线交易研讨会，他从此打算一夜暴富。他经常和他的经纪人通电话，一买一卖，但从未完成分配给他的任务。我们对他失去了所有的尊重。
但最糟糕的是我们被派去拉斯维加斯参加一个贸易展。他没系皮带就出现在摊位上。如果我们穿着运动外套而不是西装两件套，我们的管理层会认为我们在办公室穿得不得体，而他是在不系皮带的情况下出现在客户面前。我们的经理吓了一跳。他们派他出去买皮带。他错过了展会的前四个小时。但情况变得更糟了。我们当在拉斯维加斯的展台关闭时，他因损失了成千上万的钱而拍打桌子，整夜都如此。第二天展会开始时，他有两个小时没有露面，而当他露面时，他穿着同样的衣服。他胡子没刮，浑身酒气。他看起来糟透了，浑身发抖。他损失了很多钱，以致于无法正确思考。老板让他弄整洁下。他再也没有回来。演出结束时，他已经失去了房子。他在回家的飞机上完全是行尸走肉状态。他不知道如何告诉他妻子。第二个工作日，他穿着西装打着领带出现了:老板和人力资源部都在等他。几分钟之内他就被扫地出门。不到一个星期，他就失去了所有的积蓄、房子和工作。我从未见过有人在这么短的时间内如此受伤。
还有一次，我和一个杰出的工程师一起工作。他是一个不遵循传统规范的人，这在大多数公司中通常是可以容忍的。但随着公司的衰落，他变得越来越古怪。公司陷入了死亡漩涡，这似乎深深的影响了他。人们四处逃难，但他已经在那里呆了17年，这就是他的生活。他制造的产品就像他的孩子一样。他对公司的持续成功做了很多工作，他对任何他认为阻碍公司成功的人都大加指责。问题是产品太弱，竞争太激烈，销售队伍太弱。此外，管理层又完全不懂。
I’ve seen this happen more than once. Once, when I was a Product Manager in charge of a product line we made the mistake of promoting an Engineer into Marketing. As soon as he put on that white shirt and tie he suddenly thought he was “somebody”. From a demure, curious Engineer he became an imperious Know-it-all who knew nothing and embarrassed himself. But then it got worse. He attended some day-trading seminar and now he was going to get rich overnight. He was on the phone with his broker constantly, buying and selling and never completing his assigned tasks. We had lost all respect for him.
But the worst came when we were sent to a trade show in Las Vegas. He showed up at the booth without a belt. Our management considered us under-dressed at the office if we wore sport coats instead of two piece suits and he was showing up to attend customers without a belt. Our manager was aghast. They sent him out to buy a belt. He missed the first four hours of the show. But it got worse. We were in Las Vegas and when the booth closed he hit the tables. He was there all night, losing money by the thousands. When the show opened the next day he didn’t show up for two hours and when he did show up it was in the same clothes. He was unshaven and reeked of booze. He looked like Hell and he was shaken. He had lost so much money he couldn’t think straight. The boss sent him to get cleaned up. He never returned. He went back to the tables. By the end of the show he had lost his house. He was a wreck on the plane going home. He had no idea what he was going to tell his wife. The following work day he showed up in his suit and tie - and the boss and HR were waiting for him. He was walked out within minutes. In less than a week he had lost all his savings, his house and his job. I never saw anyone so broken in so short a time.
Another time I worked with a crackerjack engineer who was a non-conformist. This was usually tolerated in most companies. But as the company’s fortunes waned he became more and more erratic. The company was in a death spiral and it seemed to affect him deeply. People were bailing left and right but he had been there for 17 years and it was his life. The products he built were like his children. He was way too invested in the ongoing success of the company and he railed against anyone and everyone whom he thought was impeding the success of the company. The problem was that the products were too weak, the competition too strong and the sales force too incapable. In addition, Management was absolutely clueless.
这种事我见过不止一次。有一次，当我还是一个产品线的产品经理时，我们犯了一个错误，把一个工程师提拔到市场部。他一穿上那件白衬衫，打上领带，就突然觉得自己是个“大人物”。他从一个矜持、好奇的工程师变成了一个自以为是的万事通，什么都不知道，只会让自己难堪。但后来情况变得更糟了。某一天他参加了的短线交易研讨会，他从此打算一夜暴富。他经常和他的经纪人通电话，一买一卖，但从未完成分配给他的任务。我们对他失去了所有的尊重。
但最糟糕的是我们被派去拉斯维加斯参加一个贸易展。他没系皮带就出现在摊位上。如果我们穿着运动外套而不是西装两件套，我们的管理层会认为我们在办公室穿得不得体，而他是在不系皮带的情况下出现在客户面前。我们的经理吓了一跳。他们派他出去买皮带。他错过了展会的前四个小时。但情况变得更糟了。我们当在拉斯维加斯的展台关闭时，他因损失了成千上万的钱而拍打桌子，整夜都如此。第二天展会开始时，他有两个小时没有露面，而当他露面时，他穿着同样的衣服。他胡子没刮，浑身酒气。他看起来糟透了，浑身发抖。他损失了很多钱，以致于无法正确思考。老板让他弄整洁下。他再也没有回来。演出结束时，他已经失去了房子。他在回家的飞机上完全是行尸走肉状态。他不知道如何告诉他妻子。第二个工作日，他穿着西装打着领带出现了:老板和人力资源部都在等他。几分钟之内他就被扫地出门。不到一个星期，他就失去了所有的积蓄、房子和工作。我从未见过有人在这么短的时间内如此受伤。
还有一次，我和一个杰出的工程师一起工作。他是一个不遵循传统规范的人，这在大多数公司中通常是可以容忍的。但随着公司的衰落，他变得越来越古怪。公司陷入了死亡漩涡，这似乎深深的影响了他。人们四处逃难，但他已经在那里呆了17年，这就是他的生活。他制造的产品就像他的孩子一样。他对公司的持续成功做了很多工作，他对任何他认为阻碍公司成功的人都大加指责。问题是产品太弱，竞争太激烈，销售队伍太弱。此外，管理层又完全不懂。
In a few short years we had spiraled downhill from well over 120 million dollars annually to about 20 million and falling fast. I was on my way out along with anyone who still had even half a clue . And then we needed him to go onsite to talk to our last big customer, the one customer who was keeping the company solvent. He was needed to explain how we would incorporate the features they needed. In fact, there was never any plan to do what they wanted - we no longer had the ability to accomplish it and make a profit so the goal was to stall them or convince them why they didn’t need the features. But when we were all sitting around the table with the customer, on their site, and he was asked to speak, he said, “What the hell is wrong with you people? You’re suckers. We’re never going to make these changes.”
I have never seen such a meltdown in front of a customer before. Silence reigned. What can you say after that? The meeting broke up. He was fired instantly - but he couldn’t understand why. When HR came to his office, he locked the door and refused to leave. We had to call the police. He had to be physically carried from the building. It was not a building with card-keys, but with a real tumbler lock and he had keys. We had to change all the locks on the building. He would try to enter the building through the loading dock and sneak back to his office and do work. The police were called more than once. His wife would come and take him away. When he couldn’t get in he would hang around the door with his big dogs and frighten the hell out of the employees. Legal action finally had to be taken. He was mentally destroyed. He eventually got a job as the most junior technician at some other failing company. He was no longer capable of functioning as the senior electrical engineer he had once been.
在短短的几年里，我们已经从每年超过1.2亿美元急剧下降到2000万美元左右，而且下降速度很快。我和一个有线索的人一起出去了。然后我们需要他去与我们最后一位大客户交谈—唯一个让公司有偿付能力的客户。他需要我们解释将如何整合他们需要的功能。事实上，从来没有计划去做他们想做的事情—我们不再有能力去完成它并从中获利，所以我们的目标是拖延或者说服他们这些功能为什么是不需要的。但当我们在客户那里并与客户围坐在一起，他被要求发言时，他说：“你们到底怎么了？你们这些笨蛋。我们永远不会做出这些改变。永远不，要习惯它。”
我以前从未在客户面前遭遇过如此情况。当时就寂静无声，那之后你能说什么？直接散会了。他立即被解雇了，但他不明白为什么。当人力资源部来到他的办公室时，他锁上了门，拒绝离开。我们不得不报警。他不得不被抬出大楼。这座建筑不上芯片锁，而是一把普通的锁，他有钥匙。我们不得不更换大楼上所有的锁。他会试图通过装货码头进入大楼，然后溜回办公室工作。警方不止一次接到电话。他的妻子会来把他带走。当他进不来时，他会和他的大狗在门口闲逛，把员工给吓坏了。最后不得不采取法律行动。他精神崩溃了，他最终在另一家倒闭的公司找到了一份最初级的技术员的工作。他不再能像以前那样担任高级电气工程师了。
I have never seen such a meltdown in front of a customer before. Silence reigned. What can you say after that? The meeting broke up. He was fired instantly - but he couldn’t understand why. When HR came to his office, he locked the door and refused to leave. We had to call the police. He had to be physically carried from the building. It was not a building with card-keys, but with a real tumbler lock and he had keys. We had to change all the locks on the building. He would try to enter the building through the loading dock and sneak back to his office and do work. The police were called more than once. His wife would come and take him away. When he couldn’t get in he would hang around the door with his big dogs and frighten the hell out of the employees. Legal action finally had to be taken. He was mentally destroyed. He eventually got a job as the most junior technician at some other failing company. He was no longer capable of functioning as the senior electrical engineer he had once been.
在短短的几年里，我们已经从每年超过1.2亿美元急剧下降到2000万美元左右，而且下降速度很快。我和一个有线索的人一起出去了。然后我们需要他去与我们最后一位大客户交谈—唯一个让公司有偿付能力的客户。他需要我们解释将如何整合他们需要的功能。事实上，从来没有计划去做他们想做的事情—我们不再有能力去完成它并从中获利，所以我们的目标是拖延或者说服他们这些功能为什么是不需要的。但当我们在客户那里并与客户围坐在一起，他被要求发言时，他说：“你们到底怎么了？你们这些笨蛋。我们永远不会做出这些改变。永远不，要习惯它。”
我以前从未在客户面前遭遇过如此情况。当时就寂静无声，那之后你能说什么？直接散会了。他立即被解雇了，但他不明白为什么。当人力资源部来到他的办公室时，他锁上了门，拒绝离开。我们不得不报警。他不得不被抬出大楼。这座建筑不上芯片锁，而是一把普通的锁，他有钥匙。我们不得不更换大楼上所有的锁。他会试图通过装货码头进入大楼，然后溜回办公室工作。警方不止一次接到电话。他的妻子会来把他带走。当他进不来时，他会和他的大狗在门口闲逛，把员工给吓坏了。最后不得不采取法律行动。他精神崩溃了，他最终在另一家倒闭的公司找到了一份最初级的技术员的工作。他不再能像以前那样担任高级电气工程师了。
Christopher Seaton, lives in The United Kingdom
克里斯托弗·西顿，现居英国
克里斯托弗·西顿，现居英国
Sure.
I threw away my own life.
I was always top of the class. Top sets at school. The smartest kids. Chess team. Good at all sports. It just came naturally. Consequently my school reports were peppered with “must try harder”. I could do it. I just didn’t enjoy it. My parents were very education focused. Neither of them had been to university and they were determined that their boys would have the chances that hadn’t had.
My older brother was smart as well. He did everything right. Worked hard at school. Studied. Went to university. Had a fantastic career. Is doing very well. I was supposed to do that. I didn’t want to.
I didn’t know what I wanted. I was told I could be anything. I didn’t want to be the things that people wanted me to be.
当然，我就放弃了自己的生命。
我总是班上第一名。学校里的尖子生、最聪明的孩子、加入国际象棋队、擅长各种运动，这都是自然而然的。因此，我的学业报告中充斥着“必须更加努力”。我能做到，我只是不喜欢。我的父母非常注重教育，他们两人都没有上过大学，他们下定决心，他们的孩子会有前所未有的机会。
我哥哥也很聪明，一切都做得很好。在学校努力学习并上了大学。他有一个了不起的职业生涯。他做得很好，我应该也走同样的路，但我不想。
我不知道我想要什么。我被告知我可以成为任何人，但我不想成为人们希望我成为的样子。
I threw away my own life.
I was always top of the class. Top sets at school. The smartest kids. Chess team. Good at all sports. It just came naturally. Consequently my school reports were peppered with “must try harder”. I could do it. I just didn’t enjoy it. My parents were very education focused. Neither of them had been to university and they were determined that their boys would have the chances that hadn’t had.
My older brother was smart as well. He did everything right. Worked hard at school. Studied. Went to university. Had a fantastic career. Is doing very well. I was supposed to do that. I didn’t want to.
I didn’t know what I wanted. I was told I could be anything. I didn’t want to be the things that people wanted me to be.
当然，我就放弃了自己的生命。
我总是班上第一名。学校里的尖子生、最聪明的孩子、加入国际象棋队、擅长各种运动，这都是自然而然的。因此，我的学业报告中充斥着“必须更加努力”。我能做到，我只是不喜欢。我的父母非常注重教育，他们两人都没有上过大学，他们下定决心，他们的孩子会有前所未有的机会。
我哥哥也很聪明，一切都做得很好。在学校努力学习并上了大学。他有一个了不起的职业生涯。他做得很好，我应该也走同样的路，但我不想。
我不知道我想要什么。我被告知我可以成为任何人，但我不想成为人们希望我成为的样子。
I bought a battered old acoustic guitar off a friend and learnt to play a few chords. Once I got to 6th form college and there was a looser leash regarding class attendance I quickly stopped going. My parents were fraught. “What are you doing with your life?” became a constant refrain for the next few years as I moved further and further away from the person I was supposed to be have been. Even then I still landed a plum trainee management job at 19 with then retail giant WHSmith. I remember one of the suits who regularly turned up from Head Office say to me that if I worked hard I could be in his position in 10 years.
I quit within a year and went back to college. I didn’t want that.
And then I just bummed about. I was thrown out of uni for non attendance. I did a lot of drugs. I played in bands. Had sex. Lived on the breadline. Worked here and there in crap jobs. The ones I liked best were the boring ones when you could spend your shifts reading. By then I was onto the big Russians and the big French authors. I kind of thought I might write a book one day but other than some dodgy poetry and song lyrics I didn’t really write. I thought maybe I could be a successful musician but I knew I didn’t have the drive for that. It was just fun.
Family visits were often tense. I was the classic drop out pot smoking black sheep. My mother would cry and my father would lecture. I would try to explain that I sort of knew what I was doing and that despite what they thought I was happy and having an adventure, but they didn’t really want to hear that. By the time I was 25 I was washing pots in a kitchen at a university .
我从一个朋友那里买了一把破旧的原声吉他，并学会了弹一些和弦。一旦我上了中六，对上课出勤率有了更宽松的约束，我很快就不去了。我的父母忧心忡忡。“你这辈子干什么？”在接下来的几年里，当我越来越远离我本该成为的人时，这句话一直不停的重复。即便如此，我还是在19岁的时候在当时的零售巨头WHSmith找到了一份不错的实习管理工作。我记得总公司经常出现的一位西装革履者对我说，如果我努力工作，我可以在10年内做到他那个职位。
我不到一年就辞职了，回到了大学。我不想要那样工作。
然后我就到处游荡。我因旷课被大学开除了。我吸了很多毒。我在乐队里演奏、做爱。靠救济生活。到处做些垃圾工作。我最喜欢的是无聊的那种你可以在上班时间看书的工作。那时，我已经了解了俄罗斯和法国的大作家。我曾想过有一天我可能会写一本书，但除了一些拙劣的诗歌和歌词，我并没有真正写过。我想也许我能成为一名成功的音乐家，但我知道我没有那种动力。只是好玩而已。
家访时往往很紧张。我是典型的中途退学又吸大麻的害群之马。我母亲会哭，我父亲会训斥。我试着解释说，我知道自己在做什么，尽管他们认为我很开心，在冒险，但他们并不想听这些。在我25岁的时候，我正在一所大学的厨房里洗锅碗瓢盆。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I quit within a year and went back to college. I didn’t want that.
And then I just bummed about. I was thrown out of uni for non attendance. I did a lot of drugs. I played in bands. Had sex. Lived on the breadline. Worked here and there in crap jobs. The ones I liked best were the boring ones when you could spend your shifts reading. By then I was onto the big Russians and the big French authors. I kind of thought I might write a book one day but other than some dodgy poetry and song lyrics I didn’t really write. I thought maybe I could be a successful musician but I knew I didn’t have the drive for that. It was just fun.
Family visits were often tense. I was the classic drop out pot smoking black sheep. My mother would cry and my father would lecture. I would try to explain that I sort of knew what I was doing and that despite what they thought I was happy and having an adventure, but they didn’t really want to hear that. By the time I was 25 I was washing pots in a kitchen at a university .
我从一个朋友那里买了一把破旧的原声吉他，并学会了弹一些和弦。一旦我上了中六，对上课出勤率有了更宽松的约束，我很快就不去了。我的父母忧心忡忡。“你这辈子干什么？”在接下来的几年里，当我越来越远离我本该成为的人时，这句话一直不停的重复。即便如此，我还是在19岁的时候在当时的零售巨头WHSmith找到了一份不错的实习管理工作。我记得总公司经常出现的一位西装革履者对我说，如果我努力工作，我可以在10年内做到他那个职位。
我不到一年就辞职了，回到了大学。我不想要那样工作。
然后我就到处游荡。我因旷课被大学开除了。我吸了很多毒。我在乐队里演奏、做爱。靠救济生活。到处做些垃圾工作。我最喜欢的是无聊的那种你可以在上班时间看书的工作。那时，我已经了解了俄罗斯和法国的大作家。我曾想过有一天我可能会写一本书，但除了一些拙劣的诗歌和歌词，我并没有真正写过。我想也许我能成为一名成功的音乐家，但我知道我没有那种动力。只是好玩而已。
家访时往往很紧张。我是典型的中途退学又吸大麻的害群之马。我母亲会哭，我父亲会训斥。我试着解释说，我知道自己在做什么，尽管他们认为我很开心，在冒险，但他们并不想听这些。在我25岁的时候，我正在一所大学的厨房里洗锅碗瓢盆。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
And that is where it all changed. I liked that job. It was busy and chaotic. The food was amazing. My first experience with fine dining. I loved the drama and madness of a busy service. I was hooked from the start. I am a creative person. I need to making things or I’m not happy. That’s why I couldn’t study. I just couldn’t. I don’t function like that. I have always been playing guitar, writing songs, making pictures and art. I knew I didn’t want the path that had been mapped out for me but for a long time I didn’t know what I wanted instead. And then there it was. A month or so after I started they employed a new young head chef who I very quickly hit it off with over a shared interest in similar music and movies. He encouraged my burgeoning interest in food and food preparation. I was the guy doing longer and longer hours. Soon I was in whites and going to college on my day off. I just wanted to learn everything. I would study the menus for upcoming events and look up the dishes in my now growing library of second hand cookery books (pre internet, this was the 90s). I volunteered to do the late nights. The big dinners. I learnt from the ground up. I have done every job in a kitchen. And I did them well. I listened and did what I was told. The head chef continued to mentor me and even told me when it was time to move on to further my career.
That was about 20 years ago. I have been very successful. Still want to learn. A few years ago my parents came to visit me and I showed them round my then new kitchen. My first head chef job at the same university where I first found my passion for food. They were very proud.
So, yeah. I threw my own life away. And then I forged a new one. One that I truly wanted to live.
Thanks for reading.
这就是一切改变的地方，我喜欢那份工作：繁忙和混乱。食物太棒了，我第一次体验美食。我喜欢繁忙服务的刺激和疯狂。我从一开始就被迷住了。我是一个有创造力的人。我需要做些事情，否则我不开心。这就是我不能学习的原因。我就是不能进行那样的工作：一直在弹吉他，写歌，画画和艺术。我知道我不想要为我规划的道路，但很长一段时间我都不知道我想要什么。然后它就出现了。在我开始工作大约一个月后，他们雇用了一位新的年轻厨师长，我很快就和他一拍即合，对类似的音乐和电影有着共同的兴趣。他鼓励了我对食物和准备食物的兴趣。我是那个工作时间越来越长的人。很快我就穿上了白色的衣服，在休息日上大学，我只是想了解一切。我会研究即将到来的活动的菜单，并在我现在不断变多的二手烹饪书籍库中查找菜肴（这是90年代互联网之前）。我自愿在深夜工作。有丰盛的晚餐、我从头开始学习。我做过厨房里所有的工作，而且做得很好。我听从命令，照做。主厨继续指导我，甚至告诉我什么时候该规划我的职业生涯。
那是大约20年前的事了。我非常成功，我仍然想学。几年前，我父母来看我，我带他们参观了我当时的新厨房。我的第一份主厨工作是在我第一次发现自己对食物的热情的那所大学，他们非常自豪。
所以,我放弃了自己的生命。然后我锻造了一个新的人生、一个我真正想要的生活。
感谢你的阅读。
That was about 20 years ago. I have been very successful. Still want to learn. A few years ago my parents came to visit me and I showed them round my then new kitchen. My first head chef job at the same university where I first found my passion for food. They were very proud.
So, yeah. I threw my own life away. And then I forged a new one. One that I truly wanted to live.
Thanks for reading.
这就是一切改变的地方，我喜欢那份工作：繁忙和混乱。食物太棒了，我第一次体验美食。我喜欢繁忙服务的刺激和疯狂。我从一开始就被迷住了。我是一个有创造力的人。我需要做些事情，否则我不开心。这就是我不能学习的原因。我就是不能进行那样的工作：一直在弹吉他，写歌，画画和艺术。我知道我不想要为我规划的道路，但很长一段时间我都不知道我想要什么。然后它就出现了。在我开始工作大约一个月后，他们雇用了一位新的年轻厨师长，我很快就和他一拍即合，对类似的音乐和电影有着共同的兴趣。他鼓励了我对食物和准备食物的兴趣。我是那个工作时间越来越长的人。很快我就穿上了白色的衣服，在休息日上大学，我只是想了解一切。我会研究即将到来的活动的菜单，并在我现在不断变多的二手烹饪书籍库中查找菜肴（这是90年代互联网之前）。我自愿在深夜工作。有丰盛的晚餐、我从头开始学习。我做过厨房里所有的工作，而且做得很好。我听从命令，照做。主厨继续指导我，甚至告诉我什么时候该规划我的职业生涯。
那是大约20年前的事了。我非常成功，我仍然想学。几年前，我父母来看我，我带他们参观了我当时的新厨房。我的第一份主厨工作是在我第一次发现自己对食物的热情的那所大学，他们非常自豪。
所以,我放弃了自己的生命。然后我锻造了一个新的人生、一个我真正想要的生活。
感谢你的阅读。
Elias Fredericks lives in New York
Elias Fredericks ，住在纽约。
Elias Fredericks ，住在纽约。
In 7th grade, I befriended a girl, let’s call her G.
She was really nice, funny, and fun to be around.
We went to a private school, that had about 7 people per grade, so she was very lucky and supported, and even though she had some issues, they were kept under control in this school environment.
The big mistake G made was decided that the next year, she wanted to go to public school.
In public school, your individual problems aren’t really cared about.
The lack of support in the school environment started to lead her down the wrong path.
She one day, out of the middle of no where, started cursing out a bunch of people in our group chat, is posting pictures of her smoking weed on her social media, and told me that she is failing most of her classes.
Some people just aren’t meant for public school.
She threw her life away when she had the ability to be somewhere where she could be supported and helped, but chose to not be.
七年级时，我和一个女孩交上了朋友，我们叫她G。
她真的很好，很有趣，和她在一起很有趣。
我们去了一所私立学校，每年级大约有7人，所以她非常幸运，得到了支持。尽管她有一些问题，但在这个学校环境中，这些问题得到了控制。
G犯的一个大错误是第二年，她决定上公立学校。
在公立学校，你的个人问题并不被真正关注。
学校环境中缺乏支持，这使她走上了错误的道路。
有一天，不知从哪里冒出来，她开始咒骂我们群里的一群人，在她的社交媒体上发布她吸食大麻的照片，并告诉我她大部分课程都不及格。
有些人就是不适合上公立学校。
当她有能力在某个地方得到支持和帮助时，她选择了不去，她就放弃了自己的生活。
She was really nice, funny, and fun to be around.
We went to a private school, that had about 7 people per grade, so she was very lucky and supported, and even though she had some issues, they were kept under control in this school environment.
The big mistake G made was decided that the next year, she wanted to go to public school.
In public school, your individual problems aren’t really cared about.
The lack of support in the school environment started to lead her down the wrong path.
She one day, out of the middle of no where, started cursing out a bunch of people in our group chat, is posting pictures of her smoking weed on her social media, and told me that she is failing most of her classes.
Some people just aren’t meant for public school.
She threw her life away when she had the ability to be somewhere where she could be supported and helped, but chose to not be.
七年级时，我和一个女孩交上了朋友，我们叫她G。
她真的很好，很有趣，和她在一起很有趣。
我们去了一所私立学校，每年级大约有7人，所以她非常幸运，得到了支持。尽管她有一些问题，但在这个学校环境中，这些问题得到了控制。
G犯的一个大错误是第二年，她决定上公立学校。
在公立学校，你的个人问题并不被真正关注。
学校环境中缺乏支持，这使她走上了错误的道路。
有一天，不知从哪里冒出来，她开始咒骂我们群里的一群人，在她的社交媒体上发布她吸食大麻的照片，并告诉我她大部分课程都不及格。
有些人就是不适合上公立学校。
当她有能力在某个地方得到支持和帮助时，她选择了不去，她就放弃了自己的生活。
Rahul D Souza, Technical Engineer at VMware (2017-present)
Rahul D Souza，VMware技术工程师（2017年至今）
Rahul D Souza，VMware技术工程师（2017年至今）
A close friend of mine. He was a bright student, brightest of the lot I would say. All that he lacked was the peace if mind. The continual stress to excel if he had to take up Science in his Pre-Uni. The never ending taunts, the unfinished textbooks and the state on the face of his parents killed the bubbly little kid within him.
All he needed was a little support. All he needs was a ear that listens, a hand that holds his hands and tells him that it's okay. A warm hug with the assurance that they had his back no matter what. All he got was ‘ Beta, Study'. How much weight can you put on a already tired soldier. .
He finally found peace in the sharp edge of the blade. He found eternity when the blade played against the vein. The boy lost himself on the verge of finding success.
我的一位密友是一个聪明的学生，我得说他是所有学生中最聪明的。他所缺少的只是内心的平静。如果他必须在大学预科学习科学，他就会不断地感到压力：无休止的奚落，未完成的教科书，以及他父母脸上的表情扼杀了他内心那个活泼的孩子。
他所需要的只是一点支持。他需要只是一只倾听的耳朵，一只握住他手的手，告诉他没事。一个温暖的拥抱，保证无论发生什么他们都会支持他。他得到的只是“测试，研究”。你能给一个已经疲惫不堪的士兵增加多少重量。
他终于在锋利的刀刃上找到了平静。当刀刃与静脉搏斗时，他找到了永恒。那男孩在快要成功的时候迷失了自己。
All he needed was a little support. All he needs was a ear that listens, a hand that holds his hands and tells him that it's okay. A warm hug with the assurance that they had his back no matter what. All he got was ‘ Beta, Study'. How much weight can you put on a already tired soldier. .
He finally found peace in the sharp edge of the blade. He found eternity when the blade played against the vein. The boy lost himself on the verge of finding success.
我的一位密友是一个聪明的学生，我得说他是所有学生中最聪明的。他所缺少的只是内心的平静。如果他必须在大学预科学习科学，他就会不断地感到压力：无休止的奚落，未完成的教科书，以及他父母脸上的表情扼杀了他内心那个活泼的孩子。
他所需要的只是一点支持。他需要只是一只倾听的耳朵，一只握住他手的手，告诉他没事。一个温暖的拥抱，保证无论发生什么他们都会支持他。他得到的只是“测试，研究”。你能给一个已经疲惫不堪的士兵增加多少重量。
他终于在锋利的刀刃上找到了平静。当刀刃与静脉搏斗时，他找到了永恒。那男孩在快要成功的时候迷失了自己。
After every soul is lost at the hands of a rope or of a knife, we weep and eventually forget. Picture this: Your body is lying in your room, motionless. The sister you fought with last night and countless other nights sees you like that. She will never be the same little kid again. She will have nightmares for the rest of her life. The mother who scolded you yesterday is numb. Motionless, a little different from you, she will blame herself for the rest of her incomplete life. Your father who took you to the garden on his piggy back after work, no matter how tired he was, now has to carry your lifeless body, praying with all his might that he could save you. You never saw him cry? Well, you should see him now. Your best friend will hold on to the last few memories in which you smiled. She will cry into her pillow every night. She will forever think about everything she could have, should have and would have said only if you were alive.
Suicide doesn’t take away the pain; it just gives it to someone else. Also, choosing alternatives like drugs and cigars too would be an alternative to ruining your life itself.
If there's anyone who feels suicidal and is reading this, I really hope you see this because i just wanted to let you know that there's someone who cares about you..You may not know them,but i promise you there's someone out there.I care,I really do,and would hate to find out that you harmed or ended your life.I promise people will notice if you were gone,and they would be sad,very sad.Please don't hurt yourself,I'm thinking of you,praying for you and hoping that things will get better for you.There are people out there who care for you - SMILE ..I'm not telling you that its going to be easy,I'm telling you that its going to be worth it .YOU CANNOT BE REPLACED.
在每一个灵魂被一根绳子或一把刀夺去之后，我们哭泣，最终忘记。想象一下：你的身体躺在房间里，一动不动。昨晚和你吵了一架还有无数个晚上和你吵了一架的妹妹看到你这样了。她再也不是以前的那个孩子了。她的余生都会做恶梦。昨天骂你的母亲已经麻木了。她一动不动，与你稍有不同，她余生会在自责中度过。不管他有多累，下班后背着你去花园的父亲，现在都不得不背着你的死尸，竭尽全力地祈祷他能救你。你从没见过他哭吗？好吧，你现在应该去看看他。你最好的朋友会记住你微笑的最后几段记忆。她每天晚上都会对着枕头哭。她会永远想着她能拥有、应该拥有、并且只有在你活着的情况下才会说的一切。
自杀并不能消除痛苦；它只是把痛苦给了别人。此外，选择毒品和雪茄之类的替代品也会毁了你的生活。
如果有人觉得有自杀的念头并且正在读这篇文章，我真的希望你看到这篇文章，因为我只是想让你知道有人关心你，你可能不认识他们，但我向你保证有人在那里。我在乎，我真的很在乎，我保证人们会注意到你的离去，他们会感到悲伤，非常悲伤。请不要伤害你自己，我在想你，为你祈祷，希望你一切都会好起来。外面有人关心你，微笑，我不是告诉你这会很容易，我告诉你，一切都是值得的，你是无人能替代的。
Suicide doesn’t take away the pain; it just gives it to someone else. Also, choosing alternatives like drugs and cigars too would be an alternative to ruining your life itself.
If there's anyone who feels suicidal and is reading this, I really hope you see this because i just wanted to let you know that there's someone who cares about you..You may not know them,but i promise you there's someone out there.I care,I really do,and would hate to find out that you harmed or ended your life.I promise people will notice if you were gone,and they would be sad,very sad.Please don't hurt yourself,I'm thinking of you,praying for you and hoping that things will get better for you.There are people out there who care for you - SMILE ..I'm not telling you that its going to be easy,I'm telling you that its going to be worth it .YOU CANNOT BE REPLACED.
在每一个灵魂被一根绳子或一把刀夺去之后，我们哭泣，最终忘记。想象一下：你的身体躺在房间里，一动不动。昨晚和你吵了一架还有无数个晚上和你吵了一架的妹妹看到你这样了。她再也不是以前的那个孩子了。她的余生都会做恶梦。昨天骂你的母亲已经麻木了。她一动不动，与你稍有不同，她余生会在自责中度过。不管他有多累，下班后背着你去花园的父亲，现在都不得不背着你的死尸，竭尽全力地祈祷他能救你。你从没见过他哭吗？好吧，你现在应该去看看他。你最好的朋友会记住你微笑的最后几段记忆。她每天晚上都会对着枕头哭。她会永远想着她能拥有、应该拥有、并且只有在你活着的情况下才会说的一切。
自杀并不能消除痛苦；它只是把痛苦给了别人。此外，选择毒品和雪茄之类的替代品也会毁了你的生活。
如果有人觉得有自杀的念头并且正在读这篇文章，我真的希望你看到这篇文章，因为我只是想让你知道有人关心你，你可能不认识他们，但我向你保证有人在那里。我在乎，我真的很在乎，我保证人们会注意到你的离去，他们会感到悲伤，非常悲伤。请不要伤害你自己，我在想你，为你祈祷，希望你一切都会好起来。外面有人关心你，微笑，我不是告诉你这会很容易，我告诉你，一切都是值得的，你是无人能替代的。
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