40岁的人能和20岁的人约会吗(一)
正文翻译
Can a 40-year-old date a 20-year-old?
40岁的人能和20岁的人约会吗？
Can a 40-year-old date a 20-year-old?
40岁的人能和20岁的人约会吗？
评论翻译
Paul Fenn, Some knowledge of women, vice, books and rough travel
At 42 I met a woman of 22, “Ms X” at the local rock climbing gym. For some months we joked around whenever we’d meet, and I suppose did something like flirt. But this woman was a serious participant with a sharp wit, also something of a tomboy, and I imagine she found the idea of flirting moronic. Especially with a man two years shy of twice her age.
I gradually got to know her on a platonic basis; we’d belay each other at the gym, go on climbing-camping trips, usually with 6–8 other climbers aged 20–50. We had nothing going on between us that I was aware of. We were just two folks out of large group of climbers who knew each other and sometimes traveled far, overseas included, to climb. It was rare for climbers at our gym to sleep together, because no one much wanted to shit where they ate. But it had happened to me once before, and though making for some uncomfortable moments, had passed, and that woman and I were able to remain cordial.
So it went, until one hot summer night, when Ms X, a mutual female friend around her age, and I went for beers and burritos after a hard climb. We had a hilarious old time, talking openly about our various failed relationships and countless idiots and psychopaths we’d all dated.
42岁时，我在当地的攀岩馆遇到了一位22岁的女士—X女士。几个月来，我们每次见面都会开玩笑，要我说就是调情之类。但是这个女人是一个严肃的参与者，有着敏锐的智慧，也有点假小子的味道，我料想她会觉得调情这个想法是很愚蠢的。尤其是和一个差两岁就比她大一倍的男人。
我逐渐在柏拉图式的基础上认识了她；在健身房我们会互相保护、进行攀岩野营旅行，通常与其他6-8名20到50岁的攀岩者一起。我知道我们之间什么关系都没有—我们只是一大群相互认识的登山者中的两个人，有时还远行（包括海外）去登山。在我们健身房，登山者很少一起睡觉，因为没人想在吃饭的地方拉屎。但这在我身上发生过一次，虽然让我感到有些不舒服，但已经过去了，我和那个女人能够保持热情友好的关系。
就这样，直到一个炎热的夏夜，在艰难的攀爬后，X女士、一位和她年龄相仿的女性朋友和我一起去喝啤酒和墨西哥煎饼。我们度过了一段欢乐的往日时光，公开谈论我们各种各样的失败的关系，以及我们都约会过的无数白痴和精神病患者。
At 42 I met a woman of 22, “Ms X” at the local rock climbing gym. For some months we joked around whenever we’d meet, and I suppose did something like flirt. But this woman was a serious participant with a sharp wit, also something of a tomboy, and I imagine she found the idea of flirting moronic. Especially with a man two years shy of twice her age.
I gradually got to know her on a platonic basis; we’d belay each other at the gym, go on climbing-camping trips, usually with 6–8 other climbers aged 20–50. We had nothing going on between us that I was aware of. We were just two folks out of large group of climbers who knew each other and sometimes traveled far, overseas included, to climb. It was rare for climbers at our gym to sleep together, because no one much wanted to shit where they ate. But it had happened to me once before, and though making for some uncomfortable moments, had passed, and that woman and I were able to remain cordial.
So it went, until one hot summer night, when Ms X, a mutual female friend around her age, and I went for beers and burritos after a hard climb. We had a hilarious old time, talking openly about our various failed relationships and countless idiots and psychopaths we’d all dated.
42岁时，我在当地的攀岩馆遇到了一位22岁的女士—X女士。几个月来，我们每次见面都会开玩笑，要我说就是调情之类。但是这个女人是一个严肃的参与者，有着敏锐的智慧，也有点假小子的味道，我料想她会觉得调情这个想法是很愚蠢的。尤其是和一个差两岁就比她大一倍的男人。
我逐渐在柏拉图式的基础上认识了她；在健身房我们会互相保护、进行攀岩野营旅行，通常与其他6-8名20到50岁的攀岩者一起。我知道我们之间什么关系都没有—我们只是一大群相互认识的登山者中的两个人，有时还远行（包括海外）去登山。在我们健身房，登山者很少一起睡觉，因为没人想在吃饭的地方拉屎。但这在我身上发生过一次，虽然让我感到有些不舒服，但已经过去了，我和那个女人能够保持热情友好的关系。
就这样，直到一个炎热的夏夜，在艰难的攀爬后，X女士、一位和她年龄相仿的女性朋友和我一起去喝啤酒和墨西哥煎饼。我们度过了一段欢乐的往日时光，公开谈论我们各种各样的失败的关系，以及我们都约会过的无数白痴和精神病患者。
At around 1am, I invited them back to my bachelor pad. I lived on the ground floor of a cool old house a few blocks away, and they came up. It was a school night, but no matter. We smoked a joint, got well baked and the mutual friend was soon snoozing on my sofa, leaving Ms X seated at my computer, doing something useful to it for me — she worked as an IT tech at a downtown white-shoe law firm.
I should back up here to explain what else had already caught my imagination about Ms X. Not only had she fled her religion-stupefied parents back east in the Maritimes at age 20, but had come to Toronto more or less penniless, on her own, having only attended secretarial college post-high school. Once here she’d realized that being able to type, use MS-Word and file alphabetically does not a great career make, and so had worked crap jobs and taken to going to the local big-box book store to crib notes from computer manuals for the various software programs used in the legal industry. This was in about 2001, before the internet had everything under the sun freely available on it.
With the knowledge gleaned from doing that, she’d managed to get herself this job at this firm, a place with hundreds of the smartest, attack-dog litigators and so on in the country. Ms X was that driven she’d BS’d her way into a good paying gig there with no paper qualifications.
凌晨1点左右，我邀请他们回到我的单身公寓。我住在一栋很酷的老房子的一楼，就在几个街区之外，他们来了。那天晚上要上学，不过没关系。我们抽了根大麻烟，喝得烂醉，这位共同的朋友很快就在我的沙发上打盹，让X女士坐在我的电脑前，为我做一些有用的事情—她在市中心的一家为特权阶层服务的律师事务所做IT技术员。
在这里，我应该回过头来解释一下，还有什么东西已经勾起了我对X女士的想象。她不仅在20岁时脱离了对宗教感到震惊的父母管控，回到了东部的沿海地区，而且几乎身无分文，只身一人来到多伦多，高中毕业后只上了秘书学院。一到这里，她就意识到自己仅仅能够打字、使用MS-Word和按字母顺序归档，这并不能成就一份伟大事业，因此她做了没有公正待遇的工作，去当地的大型书店从计算机操作手册中暗中抄写下法律行业需要使用的各种软件程序，这大约是在2001年，在互联网上还无法免费得到一切资料。
凭借从中获得的知识，她成功地在这家公司找到了这份工作，这家公司在全国拥有数百名最聪明，最厉害的诉讼律师等等。X女士正是因为这个原因，才在没有文凭的情况下，说了半天的废话之后找到了这份薪水不错的工作。
I should back up here to explain what else had already caught my imagination about Ms X. Not only had she fled her religion-stupefied parents back east in the Maritimes at age 20, but had come to Toronto more or less penniless, on her own, having only attended secretarial college post-high school. Once here she’d realized that being able to type, use MS-Word and file alphabetically does not a great career make, and so had worked crap jobs and taken to going to the local big-box book store to crib notes from computer manuals for the various software programs used in the legal industry. This was in about 2001, before the internet had everything under the sun freely available on it.
With the knowledge gleaned from doing that, she’d managed to get herself this job at this firm, a place with hundreds of the smartest, attack-dog litigators and so on in the country. Ms X was that driven she’d BS’d her way into a good paying gig there with no paper qualifications.
凌晨1点左右，我邀请他们回到我的单身公寓。我住在一栋很酷的老房子的一楼，就在几个街区之外，他们来了。那天晚上要上学，不过没关系。我们抽了根大麻烟，喝得烂醉，这位共同的朋友很快就在我的沙发上打盹，让X女士坐在我的电脑前，为我做一些有用的事情—她在市中心的一家为特权阶层服务的律师事务所做IT技术员。
在这里，我应该回过头来解释一下，还有什么东西已经勾起了我对X女士的想象。她不仅在20岁时脱离了对宗教感到震惊的父母管控，回到了东部的沿海地区，而且几乎身无分文，只身一人来到多伦多，高中毕业后只上了秘书学院。一到这里，她就意识到自己仅仅能够打字、使用MS-Word和按字母顺序归档，这并不能成就一份伟大事业，因此她做了没有公正待遇的工作，去当地的大型书店从计算机操作手册中暗中抄写下法律行业需要使用的各种软件程序，这大约是在2001年，在互联网上还无法免费得到一切资料。
凭借从中获得的知识，她成功地在这家公司找到了这份工作，这家公司在全国拥有数百名最聪明，最厉害的诉讼律师等等。X女士正是因为这个原因，才在没有文凭的情况下，说了半天的废话之后找到了这份薪水不错的工作。
Moreover, she spoke in complete, articulate sentences, read law books and the classics — meaning she actually sounded enough like an intelligent young female lawyer that she fit right into the firm’s highbrow culture. She also dressed well, looking comparatively snazzed up in that professional environment, in spite of her far lower (than a lawyer) income.
The most remarkable thing about her, however, was she did all this while also being a chronic pothead. By chronic I mean, wake and bake, blunts at coffee and lunch time in the BMO tower’s underground parking garage with another woman on her tech team — the full-on daily stoner package.
I had a lot a respect for all of it. I’m no stoner, but I’m self-taught, a high school dropout, and had gone through my share of struggles to achieve what I had. I could barely handle more than a puff of weed before either falling asleep or drifting off in my own thoughts to the point of social isolation or embarrassment.
She was, of course, very attractive: Blonde, with wild curly long hair, very fit and perfect skin, ever-so-slightly bucktoothed such that she flashed her clean ivories whenever she smiled, which she didn’t often do, being already toughened up and self-protectively cynical about the hard old world as she was. Oh, and she was perpetually clad in Lululemon when at the gym.
As she gazed into my computer screen, I tapped her shoulder, then lowered my face to hers, lips ajar. She looked up, a bit shocked at the gesture, set her lips in a similar pose and moved her face toward mine. In an instant we’d crash-landed into my bed. I heard the other girl let herself out at some point later. We went nuts on each other for hours.
She roused herself early the next morning, scooting off home to shower and change, making it to work on time.
此外，她说话完整，句子清晰，阅读法律书籍和经典著作—这意味着她实际上听起来很像一位聪明的年轻女律师，完全符合公司的高雅文化。尽管她的收入远低于(一名律师)，但她穿得也很得体，在那种职业环境中显得比较时髦。
然而，最值得注意的是，她在做这一切的同时，也是一个长期的吸毒者。我说的“长期”是指，起床后烘烤面包，在蒙特利尔银行大楼的地下停车场喝咖啡和吃午饭的时候，和她技术团队的另一名女性一起—每天都要吸食毒品。
我非常尊重这一切，我不是一个瘾君子，但我自学成才，高中就辍学了，我也经历过奋斗才取得了现在的成就。我只能吸一口大麻，要么就睡着了，要么就在自己的思绪中迷迷糊糊地睡去，以至于被社会孤立或感到尴尬。
当然，她非常有魅力:金发碧眼，一头狂野的卷发，非常健康和完美的皮肤，每当微笑时，总是看到有一点点龅牙—不经常微笑，她已经变得坚强起来，对这个艰难的旧世界充满了自我保护的愤世嫉俗。哦，她在健身房总是穿露露柠檬（美国瑜伽服装品牌）的衣服。
当她凝视着我的电脑屏幕时，我轻轻拍了拍她的肩膀，然后低下头，嘴唇微张着。她抬起头，被这个姿势吓了一跳，她的嘴唇摆出类似的姿势，然后把脸转向我的脸。一瞬间我们就撞到了我的床上。后来我听到另一个女孩出去了。我们疯狂了好几个小时。
第二天一大早，她就起床了，飞快地赶回家洗澡换衣服，准时上班。
The most remarkable thing about her, however, was she did all this while also being a chronic pothead. By chronic I mean, wake and bake, blunts at coffee and lunch time in the BMO tower’s underground parking garage with another woman on her tech team — the full-on daily stoner package.
I had a lot a respect for all of it. I’m no stoner, but I’m self-taught, a high school dropout, and had gone through my share of struggles to achieve what I had. I could barely handle more than a puff of weed before either falling asleep or drifting off in my own thoughts to the point of social isolation or embarrassment.
She was, of course, very attractive: Blonde, with wild curly long hair, very fit and perfect skin, ever-so-slightly bucktoothed such that she flashed her clean ivories whenever she smiled, which she didn’t often do, being already toughened up and self-protectively cynical about the hard old world as she was. Oh, and she was perpetually clad in Lululemon when at the gym.
As she gazed into my computer screen, I tapped her shoulder, then lowered my face to hers, lips ajar. She looked up, a bit shocked at the gesture, set her lips in a similar pose and moved her face toward mine. In an instant we’d crash-landed into my bed. I heard the other girl let herself out at some point later. We went nuts on each other for hours.
She roused herself early the next morning, scooting off home to shower and change, making it to work on time.
此外，她说话完整，句子清晰，阅读法律书籍和经典著作—这意味着她实际上听起来很像一位聪明的年轻女律师，完全符合公司的高雅文化。尽管她的收入远低于(一名律师)，但她穿得也很得体，在那种职业环境中显得比较时髦。
然而，最值得注意的是，她在做这一切的同时，也是一个长期的吸毒者。我说的“长期”是指，起床后烘烤面包，在蒙特利尔银行大楼的地下停车场喝咖啡和吃午饭的时候，和她技术团队的另一名女性一起—每天都要吸食毒品。
我非常尊重这一切，我不是一个瘾君子，但我自学成才，高中就辍学了，我也经历过奋斗才取得了现在的成就。我只能吸一口大麻，要么就睡着了，要么就在自己的思绪中迷迷糊糊地睡去，以至于被社会孤立或感到尴尬。
当然，她非常有魅力:金发碧眼，一头狂野的卷发，非常健康和完美的皮肤，每当微笑时，总是看到有一点点龅牙—不经常微笑，她已经变得坚强起来，对这个艰难的旧世界充满了自我保护的愤世嫉俗。哦，她在健身房总是穿露露柠檬（美国瑜伽服装品牌）的衣服。
当她凝视着我的电脑屏幕时，我轻轻拍了拍她的肩膀，然后低下头，嘴唇微张着。她抬起头，被这个姿势吓了一跳，她的嘴唇摆出类似的姿势，然后把脸转向我的脸。一瞬间我们就撞到了我的床上。后来我听到另一个女孩出去了。我们疯狂了好几个小时。
第二天一大早，她就起床了，飞快地赶回家洗澡换衣服，准时上班。
I assumed it would be a one-off event, me being 42 and not at all believing that a female her age and I could seriously amount to anything like viable. Problem was, I already liked her, cared about her, felt invested in her welfare — at first as a friend and now as her (potential) lover. The other aspect of her that was lust-inducing was that prior to our tryst she’d had almost no sexual experience, and certainly none that was remotely good — according to her own descxtions of things. And boy, had she risen to occasion that night, beyond any fantasizable expectations.
Hell yes, I felt more than a little dirty that next day. I am not naive about how the world views these things. I have a measure of self-respect. I also have a lot of old friends who’ve known me since I was a boy. I knew if I went ahead with this, it would be huge arse-pain explaining and defending it, especially to my single female friends in my age range. Except there were none of the classic extenuating circumstances that usually infest such relationships; I had no serious money, no house, no car, nothing fancy to offer this woman by way of a lifestyle upgrade.
Thus, I decided that next day to let her hold all the cards in terms of any continuance of our dalliance.
我以为这是一次一次性的活动，我已经42岁了，根本不相信她这个年龄的女人和我真的有可能并可行吗？问题是，我已经喜欢她、关心她了，觉得自己对她的幸福感而投资—起初是作为一个朋友，现在是作为她的（潜在的）情人另一方面，在我们幽会之前，她几乎没有性经验，从她自己的描述来看，也没有遇到一个做爱很厉害的。天哪，那天晚上，她的表现超出了任何人的想象。
当然了，第二天我感到有点下流。对于世界如何看待这些事情，我并不天真。我对世界如何看待这些事情并不天真。我有一定的自尊。我也有很多从我小时候就认识的老朋友，他们从我小时候就认识我了。我知道，如果我继续这样做，解释和捍卫它将是一件非常痛苦的事，尤其是对我同龄的单身女性朋友。若不是有一个经典的例外情况，通常会困扰这种关系；我没有钱，没有房子，没有汽车，也没有什么可以让这个女人生活方式升级的东西。
因此，我决定第二天让她掌握我们继续调情的所有筹码
Hell yes, I felt more than a little dirty that next day. I am not naive about how the world views these things. I have a measure of self-respect. I also have a lot of old friends who’ve known me since I was a boy. I knew if I went ahead with this, it would be huge arse-pain explaining and defending it, especially to my single female friends in my age range. Except there were none of the classic extenuating circumstances that usually infest such relationships; I had no serious money, no house, no car, nothing fancy to offer this woman by way of a lifestyle upgrade.
Thus, I decided that next day to let her hold all the cards in terms of any continuance of our dalliance.
我以为这是一次一次性的活动，我已经42岁了，根本不相信她这个年龄的女人和我真的有可能并可行吗？问题是，我已经喜欢她、关心她了，觉得自己对她的幸福感而投资—起初是作为一个朋友，现在是作为她的（潜在的）情人另一方面，在我们幽会之前，她几乎没有性经验，从她自己的描述来看，也没有遇到一个做爱很厉害的。天哪，那天晚上，她的表现超出了任何人的想象。
当然了，第二天我感到有点下流。对于世界如何看待这些事情，我并不天真。我对世界如何看待这些事情并不天真。我有一定的自尊。我也有很多从我小时候就认识的老朋友，他们从我小时候就认识我了。我知道，如果我继续这样做，解释和捍卫它将是一件非常痛苦的事，尤其是对我同龄的单身女性朋友。若不是有一个经典的例外情况，通常会困扰这种关系；我没有钱，没有房子，没有汽车，也没有什么可以让这个女人生活方式升级的东西。
因此，我决定第二天让她掌握我们继续调情的所有筹码
She’d asked for my number though. And sure enough, after I climbed with her and our gang a couple of days later at the gym, she’d called late and asked to come over. I welcomed her in and we dove into another otherworldly night of unhinged weed-fueled fornication. She was a fast and aggressive learner, wanted to catch up on everything she’d been missing, and I was keen to stand and deliver as best I could. Our physical chemistry was on the order of “once in a lifetime”. There was no resisting her from my end, and she seemed to be of similar mindset.
And so it began. I was soon sleeping with her 3–4 nights a week. And, naturally, when such a thing rolls out, there’s more than sex going on. Two parties necessarily begin to get know one another. After several weeks, I could not find a single good reason to end it. I was having the time of my life. She even had some kinky black lingerie she’d picked up working retail at La Senza, prior to joining the firm.
不过她要了我的电话号码，果不其然，几天后我和她以及我们一伙人在健身房攀爬后，她很晚才打来电话，并被邀请过来。我欢迎她进来，然后我们又进入了另一个超脱的夜晚，疯狂的啪啪。她学习起来很快，而且很有进取心，想要弥补她错过的一切，而我也很想尽力做到最好，尽我所能地表达。我们的物理化学几乎是“一生一次”。从我的角度看，她没有反抗，她似乎也有类似的想法。
事情就这样开始了。很快我就开始每周和她睡3-4个晚上。而且很自然的，当这样的事情发生的时候，不仅仅是性，双方必须开始相互了解。几个星期后，我找不到一个好的理由来结束它。我度过了我一生中最快乐的时光。她甚至有一些古怪的黑色内衣，她在加入公司之前在La Senza零售店买的。
And so it began. I was soon sleeping with her 3–4 nights a week. And, naturally, when such a thing rolls out, there’s more than sex going on. Two parties necessarily begin to get know one another. After several weeks, I could not find a single good reason to end it. I was having the time of my life. She even had some kinky black lingerie she’d picked up working retail at La Senza, prior to joining the firm.
不过她要了我的电话号码，果不其然，几天后我和她以及我们一伙人在健身房攀爬后，她很晚才打来电话，并被邀请过来。我欢迎她进来，然后我们又进入了另一个超脱的夜晚，疯狂的啪啪。她学习起来很快，而且很有进取心，想要弥补她错过的一切，而我也很想尽力做到最好，尽我所能地表达。我们的物理化学几乎是“一生一次”。从我的角度看，她没有反抗，她似乎也有类似的想法。
事情就这样开始了。很快我就开始每周和她睡3-4个晚上。而且很自然的，当这样的事情发生的时候，不仅仅是性，双方必须开始相互了解。几个星期后，我找不到一个好的理由来结束它。我度过了我一生中最快乐的时光。她甚至有一些古怪的黑色内衣，她在加入公司之前在La Senza零售店买的。
By now, other climbers had become aware of things, not by way of my flapping mouth, let me reassure you. the shit only hit the fan when I took her up north to an island owned by a family I knew. I’d been going there since the 1960s, sometimes spending my entire summer there as a kid. I’d also had history, some 20 years’ prior, with one of the two sisters, “Ms Y”, in that family.
As soon as Ms Y pulled up in the boat and saw me waiting on the dock with Ms X, the claws came out. Worse still, this was to be a big three-day party weekend, a great many of whom I knew, men and woman my age, plus Y’s entire family, her mother included.
It was tense. Especially when Ms Y’s sister showed up (she was around my age) with her two daughters, both older than Ms X.
Ms X he charmed and made everyone laugh with her rapier wit, then set to helping out in a big way in the kitchen with the preparation of a massive dinner for around 25 people and also in the postprandial clean up, as did I.
到现在为止，其他登山者已经意识到了这一点，我向你们保证：不是通过我的嘴说出去的，当我把她带到北方一个我认识的家庭拥有的小岛上时，我才意识到这件事我从20世纪60年代就开始去那里了，有时候我整个夏天都在那里度过。大约20年前，我也曾与那个家族的两个姐妹之一“Y女士”有过关系。
当Y女士在船上停下来，看到我和X女士在码头上等待时，手就伸出来了。更糟糕的是，这将是一个为期三天的大型周末聚会，我认识很多人，包括我这个年龄的男人和女人，还有Y的整个家庭，包括她的母亲。
很紧张。尤其是当Y女士的姐姐（她和我差不多大）带着她的两个女儿出现时，两个女儿都比X女士大。
X女士用她的机智使每个人为之着迷并发笑，然后开始在厨房里帮忙，为大约25人准备一顿丰盛的晚餐，还有饭后清理工作，我也有参与。
As soon as Ms Y pulled up in the boat and saw me waiting on the dock with Ms X, the claws came out. Worse still, this was to be a big three-day party weekend, a great many of whom I knew, men and woman my age, plus Y’s entire family, her mother included.
It was tense. Especially when Ms Y’s sister showed up (she was around my age) with her two daughters, both older than Ms X.
Ms X he charmed and made everyone laugh with her rapier wit, then set to helping out in a big way in the kitchen with the preparation of a massive dinner for around 25 people and also in the postprandial clean up, as did I.
到现在为止，其他登山者已经意识到了这一点，我向你们保证：不是通过我的嘴说出去的，当我把她带到北方一个我认识的家庭拥有的小岛上时，我才意识到这件事我从20世纪60年代就开始去那里了，有时候我整个夏天都在那里度过。大约20年前，我也曾与那个家族的两个姐妹之一“Y女士”有过关系。
当Y女士在船上停下来，看到我和X女士在码头上等待时，手就伸出来了。更糟糕的是，这将是一个为期三天的大型周末聚会，我认识很多人，包括我这个年龄的男人和女人，还有Y的整个家庭，包括她的母亲。
很紧张。尤其是当Y女士的姐姐（她和我差不多大）带着她的两个女儿出现时，两个女儿都比X女士大。
X女士用她的机智使每个人为之着迷并发笑，然后开始在厨房里帮忙，为大约25人准备一顿丰盛的晚餐，还有饭后清理工作，我也有参与。
By the next day she was being treated as one of the girls, though I was still on everyone’s shitlist. I kept my mouth shut, made myself useful, chopping wood, doing dishes, making sunset sangrias and helping launch the various boats, canoes, etc.
It went on for several months. A certain part of me knew it couldn’t last. I was finally cluing in on where the trouble might rear its head; she had barely lived, I had lived a very large life of global adventures, overseas residences, big relationships, with all the alleged maturity that ships along with that. This thing I had with her, while fun and exciting, lacked substance and maturity.
The inevitable happened on a camping trip with a bunch of climbers, when Ms X and I shared a tent and she informed me that she had strong, “serious relationship” feelings for me. She asked how I felt about her. I can’t recall exactly what I said, but remember thinking that I’d best be honest. I meant not to hurt her, but whatever I said didn’t go over too well. It was the beginning of the end.
第二天，她就被当作女孩一样对待了，尽管我仍然在所有人的黑名单上。我闭口不言，让自己变得有用起来:劈柴、洗碗、调制日落时的桑格利亚汽酒，还帮着把各种各样的船、独木舟下水，等等。
这件事持续了好几个月。身边有一部分人知道这不会持久。我终于知道"麻烦"会从哪里冒出来了：她的人生刚刚开始，而我却经历了一段漫长的人生，经历了全球的冒险、海外居住、处理了大量的人际关系，以及随之而来的所谓的成熟。我和她在一起的这件事，虽然有趣，令人兴奋，但缺乏主要内容和不够成熟。
不可避免的事情发生在一次与一群登山者的野营旅行中，当时X女士和我共用一个帐篷，她告诉我，她已经坚强了。她问我对她的感觉如何，我记不起我到底说了什么，但记得当时我认为我最好要坦白。我本不想伤害她，但不管我说什么，结果都不太好，于是关系结束了。
It went on for several months. A certain part of me knew it couldn’t last. I was finally cluing in on where the trouble might rear its head; she had barely lived, I had lived a very large life of global adventures, overseas residences, big relationships, with all the alleged maturity that ships along with that. This thing I had with her, while fun and exciting, lacked substance and maturity.
The inevitable happened on a camping trip with a bunch of climbers, when Ms X and I shared a tent and she informed me that she had strong, “serious relationship” feelings for me. She asked how I felt about her. I can’t recall exactly what I said, but remember thinking that I’d best be honest. I meant not to hurt her, but whatever I said didn’t go over too well. It was the beginning of the end.
第二天，她就被当作女孩一样对待了，尽管我仍然在所有人的黑名单上。我闭口不言，让自己变得有用起来:劈柴、洗碗、调制日落时的桑格利亚汽酒，还帮着把各种各样的船、独木舟下水，等等。
这件事持续了好几个月。身边有一部分人知道这不会持久。我终于知道"麻烦"会从哪里冒出来了：她的人生刚刚开始，而我却经历了一段漫长的人生，经历了全球的冒险、海外居住、处理了大量的人际关系，以及随之而来的所谓的成熟。我和她在一起的这件事，虽然有趣，令人兴奋，但缺乏主要内容和不够成熟。
不可避免的事情发生在一次与一群登山者的野营旅行中，当时X女士和我共用一个帐篷，她告诉我，她已经坚强了。她问我对她的感觉如何，我记不起我到底说了什么，但记得当时我认为我最好要坦白。我本不想伤害她，但不管我说什么，结果都不太好，于是关系结束了。
Now that the “this won’t last” cat was out of the bag, I decided I should support her moving on from me. I told her outright if she wanted to see other guys she had my blessing. And she did. She started a very slow-growing relationship with a guy near to her age, another climber, a man I didn’t know who was new to the gym. She had the nous not to tell me much about it. We slowly parted company, occasionally spending nights together until she decided she liked him and wanted to make something of it. And so tapered off our sleepovers.
I gave her my full thumbs up, though doing so did cause pain. It’s hard to explain the feelings I had for her by then, but above it all, I decided the only class move was to be selfless. I wanted her to have a great life — whether or not her time with me counted as a stepping stone to it.
She took off on a weeks-long climbing trip with him, gently letting me know upon her return that he was now her man and that we were 100% officially done. I’d see them in the gym and found myself tongue-tied and aching of heart. I suppose that indicates that I did love her. I know I certainly cared for her; still do.
既然“这不会长久”的秘密已经泄露，我决定支持她离开我，继续生活。我直截了当地告诉她，如果她想和其他男人约会，我会祝福她。她做到了，她和一个和她年龄相仿的男人开始了一段缓慢发展的关系，他是一个我不认识的刚到健身房的攀登者。关于那件事，她很明智，没有告诉我太多。我们慢慢地分手了，偶尔也会在一起过夜，直到她决定喜欢他并想有所作为。所以我们越来越少在外面过夜。
我赞成塔这样做，尽管这样做确实会引起疼痛。很难解释当时我对她的感受，但最重要的是，我认为唯一的高尚举动就是无私。我希望她能拥有美好的生活—不管她和我在一起的时光是否能成为她幸福生活的垫脚石。
她和他开始了为期一周的登山之旅，回来后她温柔地告诉我，他现在是她的男人了，我们百分之百正式结束了。我在体育馆看到他们，发现自己张口结舌，心痛不已。我想这说明我确实爱过她。我知道我的确仍然喜欢她。
I gave her my full thumbs up, though doing so did cause pain. It’s hard to explain the feelings I had for her by then, but above it all, I decided the only class move was to be selfless. I wanted her to have a great life — whether or not her time with me counted as a stepping stone to it.
She took off on a weeks-long climbing trip with him, gently letting me know upon her return that he was now her man and that we were 100% officially done. I’d see them in the gym and found myself tongue-tied and aching of heart. I suppose that indicates that I did love her. I know I certainly cared for her; still do.
既然“这不会长久”的秘密已经泄露，我决定支持她离开我，继续生活。我直截了当地告诉她，如果她想和其他男人约会，我会祝福她。她做到了，她和一个和她年龄相仿的男人开始了一段缓慢发展的关系，他是一个我不认识的刚到健身房的攀登者。关于那件事，她很明智，没有告诉我太多。我们慢慢地分手了，偶尔也会在一起过夜，直到她决定喜欢他并想有所作为。所以我们越来越少在外面过夜。
我赞成塔这样做，尽管这样做确实会引起疼痛。很难解释当时我对她的感受，但最重要的是，我认为唯一的高尚举动就是无私。我希望她能拥有美好的生活—不管她和我在一起的时光是否能成为她幸福生活的垫脚石。
她和他开始了为期一周的登山之旅，回来后她温柔地告诉我，他现在是她的男人了，我们百分之百正式结束了。我在体育馆看到他们，发现自己张口结舌，心痛不已。我想这说明我确实爱过她。我知道我的确仍然喜欢她。
She’s in her early forties now, lives near Vancouver, BC — ultra-fit climber, mountain biker, skier, hiker and yoga beast. She’s self-employed as a project manager in the tech industry, living alone in the house she recently bought.
I‘m happy she carved out an interesting life, on her own terms. None of it surprises me. I have no regrets. I hope she doesn’t either.
I hooked up with my wife about three years after Ms X and I ended it, some 16 years ago.
A couple of months ago, two of my old male climbing mates visited her to climb. They sent me a selfie of the three of them, her with a big old grin. She still looks 100% as fabulous and they tell me she’s as tough as a redwood .
I love a happy ending.
她现在四十出头，住在不列颠哥伦比亚省温哥华附近，单身—身材超群的登山者、山地自行车手、滑雪者、徒步旅行者和瑜伽爱好者。她是科技行业的项目经理，一个人住在她最近买的房子里。
我很高兴她按照自己的方式开创了一个有趣的生活，我一点也不感到惊讶，我不后悔，我希望她也不会。
在我和X女士分手约3年后—大约16年前，我和我的妻子在一起了。
几个月前，我两个年老的男性攀岩伙伴来看她攀岩。他们给我发了三个人的自拍，她咧着嘴笑。她看起来棒极了，他们告诉我她像红杉一样坚强。
我喜欢幸福的结局。
I‘m happy she carved out an interesting life, on her own terms. None of it surprises me. I have no regrets. I hope she doesn’t either.
I hooked up with my wife about three years after Ms X and I ended it, some 16 years ago.
A couple of months ago, two of my old male climbing mates visited her to climb. They sent me a selfie of the three of them, her with a big old grin. She still looks 100% as fabulous and they tell me she’s as tough as a redwood .
I love a happy ending.
她现在四十出头，住在不列颠哥伦比亚省温哥华附近，单身—身材超群的登山者、山地自行车手、滑雪者、徒步旅行者和瑜伽爱好者。她是科技行业的项目经理，一个人住在她最近买的房子里。
我很高兴她按照自己的方式开创了一个有趣的生活，我一点也不感到惊讶，我不后悔，我希望她也不会。
在我和X女士分手约3年后—大约16年前，我和我的妻子在一起了。
几个月前，我两个年老的男性攀岩伙伴来看她攀岩。他们给我发了三个人的自拍，她咧着嘴笑。她看起来棒极了，他们告诉我她像红杉一样坚强。
我喜欢幸福的结局。
Emily Brereton, lives in San Jose, CA
I’m 24, my partner is 43. Been together for three years. Together, we’ve moved three times, changed jobs, dealt with medical issues, dealt with financial problems, grieved the deaths of people closest to us, and had two children.
We’re a real, “valid” couple. The 19-year age gap is a non-issue.
Is it an easy road? No… it probably would have been much simpler to “find someone closer to my age.” But… for whatever reason, we GET each other. We have an understanding and respect for each other that neither of us have ever found in anyone else. Did I intend on finding an older man? Was that my “type?” Not in the slightest, but he was the lone exception.
I hate the answers that assume I’m looking for “security” and he wants some young thing. Truth is, he’s in better shape than me (more conventionally “attractive”), and he works an unstable job that brings him immense satisfaction (he isn’t my “sugar daddy”). We split bills equally. We split childcare equally. He isn’t my daddy and I’m not his “trophy wife.” There’s no power imbalance. I’d never been with anyone that much older prior to him, and he’d never been with anyone that much younger prior to me. We are simply two people who get along very well, and that’s all there is to it.
Honestly, despite the age gap, we were at similar crossroads in life. He had never been married and had no children, but always wanted them. I’ve always wanted them, and wanted them early in life. Similarly, he’d recently quit a high-paying job to follow a passion, rebuilding his work life from the ground up, and I was about to graduate college and start a career completely from scratch. I credit our success, much like the success of any new relationship, to these things… being at similar (though not the same) places in life, with compatible goals going forward.
Age gaps are doable. There may be some judgement. And you really have to look introspectively to make sure your motives are pure. When we started dating, I underwent HEAVY self-analysis to make sure I wasn’t seeking a “daddy figure.” When I felt confident with my motives, we just… did it.
We rarely feel age. It occasionally comes up when he references a political/social/pop culture event that precedes my time, or if I think about the statistical likelihood of him getting sick and/or dying before me. The latter breaks my heart. But it’s not a big enough reason to let go of a really good relationship.
I’m not claiming age is just a number. To me, it’s at best warning flag. If you’re interested in someone 20 years younger, be careful, but don’t discount it. He, and our children, are the BEST things that have ever happened to me. Go for it, be respectful, careful, and mature, and you may find something amazing.
Brian Bergstr Been in several long term relationships with 20+ difference.
布莱恩·伯格斯特 ，与20多个不同的人建立了几段长期关系。
I’m 24, my partner is 43. Been together for three years. Together, we’ve moved three times, changed jobs, dealt with medical issues, dealt with financial problems, grieved the deaths of people closest to us, and had two children.
We’re a real, “valid” couple. The 19-year age gap is a non-issue.
Is it an easy road? No… it probably would have been much simpler to “find someone closer to my age.” But… for whatever reason, we GET each other. We have an understanding and respect for each other that neither of us have ever found in anyone else. Did I intend on finding an older man? Was that my “type?” Not in the slightest, but he was the lone exception.
I hate the answers that assume I’m looking for “security” and he wants some young thing. Truth is, he’s in better shape than me (more conventionally “attractive”), and he works an unstable job that brings him immense satisfaction (he isn’t my “sugar daddy”). We split bills equally. We split childcare equally. He isn’t my daddy and I’m not his “trophy wife.” There’s no power imbalance. I’d never been with anyone that much older prior to him, and he’d never been with anyone that much younger prior to me. We are simply two people who get along very well, and that’s all there is to it.
Honestly, despite the age gap, we were at similar crossroads in life. He had never been married and had no children, but always wanted them. I’ve always wanted them, and wanted them early in life. Similarly, he’d recently quit a high-paying job to follow a passion, rebuilding his work life from the ground up, and I was about to graduate college and start a career completely from scratch. I credit our success, much like the success of any new relationship, to these things… being at similar (though not the same) places in life, with compatible goals going forward.
Age gaps are doable. There may be some judgement. And you really have to look introspectively to make sure your motives are pure. When we started dating, I underwent HEAVY self-analysis to make sure I wasn’t seeking a “daddy figure.” When I felt confident with my motives, we just… did it.
We rarely feel age. It occasionally comes up when he references a political/social/pop culture event that precedes my time, or if I think about the statistical likelihood of him getting sick and/or dying before me. The latter breaks my heart. But it’s not a big enough reason to let go of a really good relationship.
I’m not claiming age is just a number. To me, it’s at best warning flag. If you’re interested in someone 20 years younger, be careful, but don’t discount it. He, and our children, are the BEST things that have ever happened to me. Go for it, be respectful, careful, and mature, and you may find something amazing.
Brian Bergstr Been in several long term relationships with 20+ difference.
布莱恩·伯格斯特 ，与20多个不同的人建立了几段长期关系。
Yes, of course.
When I was 39 years, 3 months, and 16 days, a girl I had known for about 3 years asked me on a date, she was 18 years, 1 month, and 6 days old. I was her first date, first kiss, etc. 86 days later we moved in together. We were together 5 years, 5 months, and 5 days and had planned to get married. Although, after we broke up, she needed to find a job and rent a place of her own, so she lived with me another 3 months and 10 days before finally moving out.
Over the time we were together, very few people raised an eyebrow at our relationship. At first meeting, her sister asked if I was a paedophile, to which I told her no, and that was that. Her family quickly accepted me and everything was normal. Her family knew all along that she would end up with someone much older, at 13 she had crushes on her teachers and coaches, her celebrity crush was Mark Harmon, who is 39 years older than her. Every year we would go spend the holidays with her family, traveling to another state and staying with them about 7 weeks.
The only people that seemed bothered by our relationship were a few single women my peers, frustrated that men their age dated younger girls and were not interested in them.
I had several friends and coworkers, fathers of teenage daughters, who offered me their unsolicited opinion of my relationship; they would rather for their daughter to date a much older man than her peers. Fearing that irresponsible young boys would likely get their daughters pregnant and offer them no future. While an established man would not, and would be able to take care of her and support a family. One of these men is living his nightmare, his daughter, the same age as my now ex-girlfriend, was impregnated by her peer boyfriend, and now she, her husband, and their 2 children live with my friend, both of them work part time for minimum wage, and have no apparent future.
当然可以。
当我39岁3个月第16天的时候，一个我认识大约3年的女孩找我约会，她18岁1个月零6天。我是她的第一次约会和初吻对象。86天后我们搬到了一起。我们在一起5年5个月零5天，本来打算结婚的。虽然我们分手后，她需要找份工作，并租个房子，所以她和我又住了3个月零10天，最后才搬出去。
我们在一起的时间里，很少有人对我们的关系感到惊讶。在第一次见面时，她姐姐问我是不是恋童癖者，我告诉她不是，就是这样。她的家人也很快接受了我，一切都很正常。她的家人一直都知道她最终会和一个比她大得多的人在一起，13岁时她就迷恋上了她的老师和教练，她的明星迷恋对象是比她大39岁的马克·哈蒙。每年我们都会和她的家人一起去度假，去另一个州旅行，和他们一起住7周左右。
唯一对我们的关系感到困扰的人似乎是我的同龄人中的一些单身女性，她们对同龄的男性约会年轻女孩感到沮丧—因为对她们不感兴趣。
我有几个朋友和同事，十几岁女儿的父亲，他们主动向我提出了他们对我的关系的看法；他们宁愿让女儿和比她同龄人年长很多的男人约会，因为担心不负责任的年轻男孩可能让他们的女儿怀孕，无法给她们未来。而一个成熟的男人不会，也能够照顾她，并有能力养家糊口。其中一个男人生活在噩梦中，他的女儿与我前女友同龄，被她的同龄人男友弄怀孕了，现在她、她的丈夫和他们的两个孩子与我的朋友生活在一起，他们两人都只有最低工资，明显没有未来。
When I was 39 years, 3 months, and 16 days, a girl I had known for about 3 years asked me on a date, she was 18 years, 1 month, and 6 days old. I was her first date, first kiss, etc. 86 days later we moved in together. We were together 5 years, 5 months, and 5 days and had planned to get married. Although, after we broke up, she needed to find a job and rent a place of her own, so she lived with me another 3 months and 10 days before finally moving out.
Over the time we were together, very few people raised an eyebrow at our relationship. At first meeting, her sister asked if I was a paedophile, to which I told her no, and that was that. Her family quickly accepted me and everything was normal. Her family knew all along that she would end up with someone much older, at 13 she had crushes on her teachers and coaches, her celebrity crush was Mark Harmon, who is 39 years older than her. Every year we would go spend the holidays with her family, traveling to another state and staying with them about 7 weeks.
The only people that seemed bothered by our relationship were a few single women my peers, frustrated that men their age dated younger girls and were not interested in them.
I had several friends and coworkers, fathers of teenage daughters, who offered me their unsolicited opinion of my relationship; they would rather for their daughter to date a much older man than her peers. Fearing that irresponsible young boys would likely get their daughters pregnant and offer them no future. While an established man would not, and would be able to take care of her and support a family. One of these men is living his nightmare, his daughter, the same age as my now ex-girlfriend, was impregnated by her peer boyfriend, and now she, her husband, and their 2 children live with my friend, both of them work part time for minimum wage, and have no apparent future.
当然可以。
当我39岁3个月第16天的时候，一个我认识大约3年的女孩找我约会，她18岁1个月零6天。我是她的第一次约会和初吻对象。86天后我们搬到了一起。我们在一起5年5个月零5天，本来打算结婚的。虽然我们分手后，她需要找份工作，并租个房子，所以她和我又住了3个月零10天，最后才搬出去。
我们在一起的时间里，很少有人对我们的关系感到惊讶。在第一次见面时，她姐姐问我是不是恋童癖者，我告诉她不是，就是这样。她的家人也很快接受了我，一切都很正常。她的家人一直都知道她最终会和一个比她大得多的人在一起，13岁时她就迷恋上了她的老师和教练，她的明星迷恋对象是比她大39岁的马克·哈蒙。每年我们都会和她的家人一起去度假，去另一个州旅行，和他们一起住7周左右。
唯一对我们的关系感到困扰的人似乎是我的同龄人中的一些单身女性，她们对同龄的男性约会年轻女孩感到沮丧—因为对她们不感兴趣。
我有几个朋友和同事，十几岁女儿的父亲，他们主动向我提出了他们对我的关系的看法；他们宁愿让女儿和比她同龄人年长很多的男人约会，因为担心不负责任的年轻男孩可能让他们的女儿怀孕，无法给她们未来。而一个成熟的男人不会，也能够照顾她，并有能力养家糊口。其中一个男人生活在噩梦中，他的女儿与我前女友同龄，被她的同龄人男友弄怀孕了，现在她、她的丈夫和他们的两个孩子与我的朋友生活在一起，他们两人都只有最低工资，明显没有未来。
My ex-girlfriend did not have to work, she completed her degree, we traveled the world, and completed a number of her bucket list items. Watching the friends, cycling through relationships, being single, and serial dating, being used and abused by boys, working and struggling to make rent and pay bills, she concluded that she was not worthy, she she did not deserve to have such a perfect life on the very first try.
After a few months struggling on her own, she moved in with her parents, threw away her degree, took up MMA fighting, and joined the Navy.
We are still good friends, many of my friends are still friends with her, I am good friends with many of her friends, and we both still have many friends obtained together. We share nearly 100 mutual friends in real life. My parents still like her and her family still likes me. There is no animosity or ostracization.
As far as the only wanting one thing, that is a load of crap, we were waiting until marriage, so there, sex is not the only reason an older man would date a young girl.
我的前女友不必工作，她完成了她的学位，我们周游了世界，完成了她的一些心愿。看着朋友们在恋爱关系中和单身不断循环，连续约会，被男孩利用和虐待，工作，努力支付房租和账单，她得出结论，她不值得在第一次尝试时就拥有如此完美的生活。
在独自奋斗了几个月后，她搬去和父母住在一起，放弃了学位，参加了综合格斗，并加入了海军
我们仍然是好朋友，我的很多朋友仍然是她的朋友，我和她的很多朋友也都是好朋友，我们都还拥有很多共同获得的朋友。在现实生活中，我们共有近100个共同的朋友。我的父母仍然喜欢她，她的家人仍然喜欢我，没有仇恨或排斥心理。
至于唯一想要的东西，那就是一堆废话，我们一直等到结婚，所以，性并不是一个年长的男人和一个年轻女孩约会的唯一原因。
After a few months struggling on her own, she moved in with her parents, threw away her degree, took up MMA fighting, and joined the Navy.
We are still good friends, many of my friends are still friends with her, I am good friends with many of her friends, and we both still have many friends obtained together. We share nearly 100 mutual friends in real life. My parents still like her and her family still likes me. There is no animosity or ostracization.
As far as the only wanting one thing, that is a load of crap, we were waiting until marriage, so there, sex is not the only reason an older man would date a young girl.
我的前女友不必工作，她完成了她的学位，我们周游了世界，完成了她的一些心愿。看着朋友们在恋爱关系中和单身不断循环，连续约会，被男孩利用和虐待，工作，努力支付房租和账单，她得出结论，她不值得在第一次尝试时就拥有如此完美的生活。
在独自奋斗了几个月后，她搬去和父母住在一起，放弃了学位，参加了综合格斗，并加入了海军
我们仍然是好朋友，我的很多朋友仍然是她的朋友，我和她的很多朋友也都是好朋友，我们都还拥有很多共同获得的朋友。在现实生活中，我们共有近100个共同的朋友。我的父母仍然喜欢她，她的家人仍然喜欢我，没有仇恨或排斥心理。
至于唯一想要的东西，那就是一堆废话，我们一直等到结婚，所以，性并不是一个年长的男人和一个年轻女孩约会的唯一原因。
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