你小时候在情感上被忽视的迹象有哪些?
正文翻译
What are some signs that you were neglected emotionally as a child?
你小时候在情感上被忽视的迹象有哪些?
What are some signs that you were neglected emotionally as a child?
你小时候在情感上被忽视的迹象有哪些?
评论翻译
Gabryel J. Vallory, Semi-nocturnal carbon-based life form
Speaking for myself, I hardly expect anything from anyone. If anything, I learned to expect nothing mattered to anyone. I learned to do everything I can on my own, and it has been difficult for me to learn to ask for help when I needed it, since any help was unavailable at “home”, or denied. In fact, sometimes, I will still ask for advice but do nothing with the advice I am given, assuming I will find a way by myself, or that it doesn’t really matter in the end, because I am the first concerned.
I still tend to bottle up because there was no one I could open up to, and any time I could not contain an emotion would lead to being abused — I think emotional abuse has a neglectful aspect because emotional abusers neglect your well-being too.
就我而言，我对任何人都不抱什么期望。如果有的话，那就是我学会了对任何人都无所谓。我学会了自己做我能做的一切，但我很难学会在我需要的时候寻求帮助，因为我在“家里”得不到任何帮助，或者都是被拒绝。事实上，有时候，我还是会向别人寻求建议，但别人给我建议，我却什么也不做，假设自己能找到办法，或者到最后这真的不重要，因为我是第一个关心的。
我仍然倾向于压抑自己，没有人能让我敞开心扉。任何时候我无法控制情绪就会导致被虐待，我认为情感虐待有一个忽略的方面，因为情感虐待者也忽视了你的幸福。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Speaking for myself, I hardly expect anything from anyone. If anything, I learned to expect nothing mattered to anyone. I learned to do everything I can on my own, and it has been difficult for me to learn to ask for help when I needed it, since any help was unavailable at “home”, or denied. In fact, sometimes, I will still ask for advice but do nothing with the advice I am given, assuming I will find a way by myself, or that it doesn’t really matter in the end, because I am the first concerned.
I still tend to bottle up because there was no one I could open up to, and any time I could not contain an emotion would lead to being abused — I think emotional abuse has a neglectful aspect because emotional abusers neglect your well-being too.
就我而言，我对任何人都不抱什么期望。如果有的话，那就是我学会了对任何人都无所谓。我学会了自己做我能做的一切，但我很难学会在我需要的时候寻求帮助，因为我在“家里”得不到任何帮助，或者都是被拒绝。事实上，有时候，我还是会向别人寻求建议，但别人给我建议，我却什么也不做，假设自己能找到办法，或者到最后这真的不重要，因为我是第一个关心的。
我仍然倾向于压抑自己，没有人能让我敞开心扉。任何时候我无法控制情绪就会导致被虐待，我认为情感虐待有一个忽略的方面，因为情感虐待者也忽视了你的幸福。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I had to learn to stop putting myself last, but still tend to do it. Growing up neglected, you will neglect yourself after being neglected by your parents.
Currently, I live with people I don’t really know (long story), and I am well aware that they all count on the one person who cannot stand their habit of not cleaning anything to do it in their place every single day so they won’t have to lift a finger, and I should not take it upon myself to do it, but I don’t expect them to be responsible given how they prove not to be regardless, and I don’t find it good enough a reason to leave the place uncleaned, so here we are.
There are other possible signs, but the most frustrating to me is that if you were emotionally neglected in childhood and thus grew up with a learned habit of being so laid-back that you almost don’t exist, some people will get used to that and even find it convenient. And if you ever dare breaking the habit and calling out the people whose work you systematically did in their place, they lose their composure or get angry and try hard to put you “back in your place”, or in other words, in your silence and your apparent submissiveness that was so convenient for them.
我必须学会停止把自己放在最后，但我仍然倾向于这样做。在被忽视的环境中长大，你会在被父母忽视后也会忽视自己。
目前，我和我不太认识的人住在一起（说来话长），而且我很清楚，他们都指望出现一个人无法忍受每天不清理任何东西的习惯，这样他们就不用动一根手指了，我不应该去做, 但我不指望他们为此负责，因为事实证明他们并不在乎，而且我觉得没有足够的理由让这里不干净，所以我们就这样了。
还有其他可能的迹象，但最让我沮丧的是，如果你在童年时在情感上被忽视，因此在成长过程中养成了一种习惯，那就是你几乎不存在，有些人会习惯甚至觉得很方便。如果你敢改掉这个习惯，把那些你系统性地代替他们工作的人叫来，他们就会失去冷静或生气，并努力让你“回到你的位置”，或者换句话说，你的沉默和明显的顺从对他们来说非常方便。
Currently, I live with people I don’t really know (long story), and I am well aware that they all count on the one person who cannot stand their habit of not cleaning anything to do it in their place every single day so they won’t have to lift a finger, and I should not take it upon myself to do it, but I don’t expect them to be responsible given how they prove not to be regardless, and I don’t find it good enough a reason to leave the place uncleaned, so here we are.
There are other possible signs, but the most frustrating to me is that if you were emotionally neglected in childhood and thus grew up with a learned habit of being so laid-back that you almost don’t exist, some people will get used to that and even find it convenient. And if you ever dare breaking the habit and calling out the people whose work you systematically did in their place, they lose their composure or get angry and try hard to put you “back in your place”, or in other words, in your silence and your apparent submissiveness that was so convenient for them.
我必须学会停止把自己放在最后，但我仍然倾向于这样做。在被忽视的环境中长大，你会在被父母忽视后也会忽视自己。
目前，我和我不太认识的人住在一起（说来话长），而且我很清楚，他们都指望出现一个人无法忍受每天不清理任何东西的习惯，这样他们就不用动一根手指了，我不应该去做, 但我不指望他们为此负责，因为事实证明他们并不在乎，而且我觉得没有足够的理由让这里不干净，所以我们就这样了。
还有其他可能的迹象，但最让我沮丧的是，如果你在童年时在情感上被忽视，因此在成长过程中养成了一种习惯，那就是你几乎不存在，有些人会习惯甚至觉得很方便。如果你敢改掉这个习惯，把那些你系统性地代替他们工作的人叫来，他们就会失去冷静或生气，并努力让你“回到你的位置”，或者换句话说，你的沉默和明显的顺从对他们来说非常方便。
Meskel Kuiper, worked at The Netherlands
If you are neglected as a child, When you become an adult and have relationships you need attention in every situation. Everything have to be about you. What ever you’re doing you expect to get compliments, if you don’t get it your world turn upside down.
You can’t stand being in the house alone you know there’s people in the house the same time you can’t stop asking for same one who came to talk to you.
always looking for same one to take too when you’re around people.
When your partner didn’t talk to you for few minutes, you get uncomfortable and feel sad. You don’t want eat or have a drink when the whole family is eating.
You want be in the canter of every conversation in the family dinner time. You want to talk about yourself, your work, what you use to do when you was young and you act like the whole dinner time is about you.
如果你小时候被忽视了，当你长大成人并拥有人际关系时，你在任何情况下都需要得到关注。一切都要以你为中心。无论你在做什么，你都希望得到赞美，如果你没有得到赞美，你的世界就会天翻地覆。
你不能忍受一个人待在家里，你知道房子里有其他人，与此同时，你又忍不住要求有人来找你谈谈。
和别人在一起的时候，总想找个人聊聊。
当你的伴侣几分钟没跟你说话时，你会感到不舒服和难过。当全家人都在吃饭时，你不想吃饭或喝酒。
你想在家庭晚餐的时候成为每一次谈话的中心。你想谈论你自己，你的工作，你年轻时做过什么，你表现得好像整个晚餐时间都在谈论你自己。
If you are neglected as a child, When you become an adult and have relationships you need attention in every situation. Everything have to be about you. What ever you’re doing you expect to get compliments, if you don’t get it your world turn upside down.
You can’t stand being in the house alone you know there’s people in the house the same time you can’t stop asking for same one who came to talk to you.
always looking for same one to take too when you’re around people.
When your partner didn’t talk to you for few minutes, you get uncomfortable and feel sad. You don’t want eat or have a drink when the whole family is eating.
You want be in the canter of every conversation in the family dinner time. You want to talk about yourself, your work, what you use to do when you was young and you act like the whole dinner time is about you.
如果你小时候被忽视了，当你长大成人并拥有人际关系时，你在任何情况下都需要得到关注。一切都要以你为中心。无论你在做什么，你都希望得到赞美，如果你没有得到赞美，你的世界就会天翻地覆。
你不能忍受一个人待在家里，你知道房子里有其他人，与此同时，你又忍不住要求有人来找你谈谈。
和别人在一起的时候，总想找个人聊聊。
当你的伴侣几分钟没跟你说话时，你会感到不舒服和难过。当全家人都在吃饭时，你不想吃饭或喝酒。
你想在家庭晚餐的时候成为每一次谈话的中心。你想谈论你自己，你的工作，你年轻时做过什么，你表现得好像整个晚餐时间都在谈论你自己。
Edwin Szeto, PhD in Psychology. Mindfulness & Health/care
The first question to ask is “am I neglected as a child?”
When you think of a neglected child, you probably think of a child without food or left at home alone for long periods of time. But, neglect comes in many different forms. According to the Children’s Bureau of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, here are the basic types of neglect:
Physical neglect: Failing to care for a child’s basic needs like hygiene, clothing, nutrition, or shelter, or abandoning a child.
Medical neglect: Denying or delaying necessary or recommended medical treatment.
Inadequate supervision: Leaving a child who can’t care for themself home alone, not protecting a child from safety hazards, or leaving the child with inadequate caregivers.
Emotional neglect: Exposing a child to domestic violence or substance abuse, or not providing affection or emotional support.
Educational neglect: Failing to enroll a child in school, allowing a child to repeatedly skip school, or ignoring a child’s special education needs.
第一个要问的问题是“我小时候被忽视了吗？”
当你想到一个被忽视的孩子，你可能会想到一个孩子没有食物或被独自留在家里很长一段时间。但是，忽视有很多不同的形式。根据美国卫生与公众服务部儿童事务局的数据，以下是忽视的基本类型:
身体忽视: 不能照顾孩子的基本需求，如卫生、衣服、营养或住所，或遗弃孩子。
医疗忽视: 拒绝或拖延必要的或建议的医疗。
监护不足: 将不能自理的儿童独自留在家中，不保护儿童免受安全隐患，或将儿童留给不称职的照顾者。
情感忽视: 将儿童暴露于家庭暴力或药物滥用，或不提供感情或情感支持。
忽视教育: 不让孩子上学，允许孩子反复逃学，或忽视孩子的特殊教育需求。
The first question to ask is “am I neglected as a child?”
When you think of a neglected child, you probably think of a child without food or left at home alone for long periods of time. But, neglect comes in many different forms. According to the Children’s Bureau of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, here are the basic types of neglect:
Physical neglect: Failing to care for a child’s basic needs like hygiene, clothing, nutrition, or shelter, or abandoning a child.
Medical neglect: Denying or delaying necessary or recommended medical treatment.
Inadequate supervision: Leaving a child who can’t care for themself home alone, not protecting a child from safety hazards, or leaving the child with inadequate caregivers.
Emotional neglect: Exposing a child to domestic violence or substance abuse, or not providing affection or emotional support.
Educational neglect: Failing to enroll a child in school, allowing a child to repeatedly skip school, or ignoring a child’s special education needs.
第一个要问的问题是“我小时候被忽视了吗？”
当你想到一个被忽视的孩子，你可能会想到一个孩子没有食物或被独自留在家里很长一段时间。但是，忽视有很多不同的形式。根据美国卫生与公众服务部儿童事务局的数据，以下是忽视的基本类型:
身体忽视: 不能照顾孩子的基本需求，如卫生、衣服、营养或住所，或遗弃孩子。
医疗忽视: 拒绝或拖延必要的或建议的医疗。
监护不足: 将不能自理的儿童独自留在家中，不保护儿童免受安全隐患，或将儿童留给不称职的照顾者。
情感忽视: 将儿童暴露于家庭暴力或药物滥用，或不提供感情或情感支持。
忽视教育: 不让孩子上学，允许孩子反复逃学，或忽视孩子的特殊教育需求。
Pamela Blackwell-Nwonye, Receptionist (2020-present)
No one would listen when I would try to tell them something. Then, when they found out I was telling the truth, I received no support, affirmation or apology.
One example was a second grade teacher I once had. She hated minorities of which I am. She also hated those who she deemed “white trash”. She would keep me after school for no reason and she knew I would get punished for it. The reason I was kept after school was her lie about me talking in class. No one would talk to me as I was the only African American student in the room! The other students took their clues from her. Before I got spanked for it, I was asked why I had to stay after school. I told my parents the teacher didn’t like me. “Oh! You’re just making that up!”
At the end of the year, my mother found out that this teacher pulled a girl’s hair and called her white trash. My parents finally realized I was emotionally abused by the teacher but I don’t think they saw their part in allowing it to happen to me, a 6–7 year old kid. I never got an apology. My dad is gone and my mother is 89. I still haven’t got that apology.
My mother had to deal with an alcoholic husband, a special needs daughter (my older sister), a whiny son (my brother) and a child after she turned 40. My mother has told me that I seemed to be her “normal” child and she thought I needed nothing. A few words of support would have been nice.
当我试图告诉他们一些事情的时候，没有人会听。然后，当他们发现我说的是实话时，我没有得到任何支持、肯定或道歉。
一个例子是我曾经遇到的一个二年级老师。她讨厌像我这样的少数民族。她也憎恨那些她认为是“白人垃圾”的人。放学后她会无缘无故地把我留下，她知道我会因此而受到惩罚。我放学后被留下的原因是她谎称我在课堂上讲话。因为我是房间里唯一的非裔美国学生，没有人愿意和我说话! 其他学生从她那里得到了线索。在我被家长打屁股之前，有人问我为什么放学后要留下来。我告诉父母老师不喜欢我，父母却认为我是瞎编的！
那年年底，我妈发现这个老师扯一个女孩的头发，还叫她白人垃圾。我的父母最终意识到我在情感上受到了老师的虐待，但我不认为我的父母看到了他们自己的责任，让这种事发生在我这个6-7岁的孩子身上。我从来没有得到道歉。我爸爸去世了，我妈妈89岁了。我还没收到道歉。
我的母亲不得不面对一个酗酒的丈夫，一个需要特殊照顾的女儿(我的姐姐)，一个爱发牢骚的儿子(我的哥哥)，还有一个在她40岁以后生的孩子。我母亲告诉我，我似乎是她看来“正常”孩子，她认为我什么都不需要，说几句支持的话就好了。
No one would listen when I would try to tell them something. Then, when they found out I was telling the truth, I received no support, affirmation or apology.
One example was a second grade teacher I once had. She hated minorities of which I am. She also hated those who she deemed “white trash”. She would keep me after school for no reason and she knew I would get punished for it. The reason I was kept after school was her lie about me talking in class. No one would talk to me as I was the only African American student in the room! The other students took their clues from her. Before I got spanked for it, I was asked why I had to stay after school. I told my parents the teacher didn’t like me. “Oh! You’re just making that up!”
At the end of the year, my mother found out that this teacher pulled a girl’s hair and called her white trash. My parents finally realized I was emotionally abused by the teacher but I don’t think they saw their part in allowing it to happen to me, a 6–7 year old kid. I never got an apology. My dad is gone and my mother is 89. I still haven’t got that apology.
My mother had to deal with an alcoholic husband, a special needs daughter (my older sister), a whiny son (my brother) and a child after she turned 40. My mother has told me that I seemed to be her “normal” child and she thought I needed nothing. A few words of support would have been nice.
当我试图告诉他们一些事情的时候，没有人会听。然后，当他们发现我说的是实话时，我没有得到任何支持、肯定或道歉。
一个例子是我曾经遇到的一个二年级老师。她讨厌像我这样的少数民族。她也憎恨那些她认为是“白人垃圾”的人。放学后她会无缘无故地把我留下，她知道我会因此而受到惩罚。我放学后被留下的原因是她谎称我在课堂上讲话。因为我是房间里唯一的非裔美国学生，没有人愿意和我说话! 其他学生从她那里得到了线索。在我被家长打屁股之前，有人问我为什么放学后要留下来。我告诉父母老师不喜欢我，父母却认为我是瞎编的！
那年年底，我妈发现这个老师扯一个女孩的头发，还叫她白人垃圾。我的父母最终意识到我在情感上受到了老师的虐待，但我不认为我的父母看到了他们自己的责任，让这种事发生在我这个6-7岁的孩子身上。我从来没有得到道歉。我爸爸去世了，我妈妈89岁了。我还没收到道歉。
我的母亲不得不面对一个酗酒的丈夫，一个需要特殊照顾的女儿(我的姐姐)，一个爱发牢骚的儿子(我的哥哥)，还有一个在她40岁以后生的孩子。我母亲告诉我，我似乎是她看来“正常”孩子，她认为我什么都不需要，说几句支持的话就好了。
Amy Dolan, Pet Care/Dog Walking/Overnight Petsitting (2015-present)
Difficulty or an inability to feel one’s own feelings in the moment, and sometimes even for days/weeks after.
Difficulty or an inability to label one’s own feelings in the moment, and sometimes even for days/weeks after.
Stuffing feelings instead of feeling free to feel them or have them be accepted/acceptable.
People pleasing because you have learned to take care of other’s emotions instead of being free to have/feel your own.
Always feeling it is safer to avoid any unpleasant feelings.
Learning to keep secrets and not have feelings.
一时难以或无法感受到自己的感受，有时甚至会持续数天/数周。
一时难以或无法说出自己的感受，有时甚至会持续数天/数周。
填充感觉，而不是自由地感受它们或让它们被接受。
人们之所以讨人喜欢，是因为你学会了照顾他人的情绪，而不是自由地拥有/感受自己的情绪。
总是觉得避免任何不愉快的感觉更安全。
学会保守秘密，不要有感情。
Difficulty or an inability to feel one’s own feelings in the moment, and sometimes even for days/weeks after.
Difficulty or an inability to label one’s own feelings in the moment, and sometimes even for days/weeks after.
Stuffing feelings instead of feeling free to feel them or have them be accepted/acceptable.
People pleasing because you have learned to take care of other’s emotions instead of being free to have/feel your own.
Always feeling it is safer to avoid any unpleasant feelings.
Learning to keep secrets and not have feelings.
一时难以或无法感受到自己的感受，有时甚至会持续数天/数周。
一时难以或无法说出自己的感受，有时甚至会持续数天/数周。
填充感觉，而不是自由地感受它们或让它们被接受。
人们之所以讨人喜欢，是因为你学会了照顾他人的情绪，而不是自由地拥有/感受自己的情绪。
总是觉得避免任何不愉快的感觉更安全。
学会保守秘密，不要有感情。
David Stewart
Hard to say as it varies depending on the individual and the circumstances. However, in the most general terms, we would consider issues of self-image distortions which include both a very strong ego and a very weak one. If you consider President Trump and his very bombastic personality one has to suspect that somewhere in the background is a little boy with a serious problem associated with an inferiority complex. We overcompensate to conceal our distress. Another example might be an over-emphasis with certain social factors such as dating, or sexual adventurism due to repressed urges or a very conservative household during the formative years. You might find a general lack of interest in academic or employment obxtives. You could also see interest in and the use of any self-medicating routines such as excessive use of tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs. In any case, these are the things I would look for.
很难说，因为这取决于个人和环境。然而，从最一般的角度来说，我们会考虑自我形象扭曲的问题，其中包括非常强的自我和非常弱的自我。 如果你考虑特朗普总统和他非常夸张的个性，你必须怀疑背景中的某个地方是一个与自卑情结相关的严重问题的小男孩。我们过度补偿以掩盖我们的痛苦。另一个例子可能是过度强调某些社会因素：比如约会或性冒险，由于压抑的欲望或成长在一个非常保守的家庭。你可能会发现他们对学术或就业目标普遍缺乏兴趣。你也可以看到任何自我治疗习惯的兴趣和使用，如过度使用烟草、酒精或非法药物。无论如何，这些都是我要寻找的东西。
Hard to say as it varies depending on the individual and the circumstances. However, in the most general terms, we would consider issues of self-image distortions which include both a very strong ego and a very weak one. If you consider President Trump and his very bombastic personality one has to suspect that somewhere in the background is a little boy with a serious problem associated with an inferiority complex. We overcompensate to conceal our distress. Another example might be an over-emphasis with certain social factors such as dating, or sexual adventurism due to repressed urges or a very conservative household during the formative years. You might find a general lack of interest in academic or employment obxtives. You could also see interest in and the use of any self-medicating routines such as excessive use of tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs. In any case, these are the things I would look for.
很难说，因为这取决于个人和环境。然而，从最一般的角度来说，我们会考虑自我形象扭曲的问题，其中包括非常强的自我和非常弱的自我。 如果你考虑特朗普总统和他非常夸张的个性，你必须怀疑背景中的某个地方是一个与自卑情结相关的严重问题的小男孩。我们过度补偿以掩盖我们的痛苦。另一个例子可能是过度强调某些社会因素：比如约会或性冒险，由于压抑的欲望或成长在一个非常保守的家庭。你可能会发现他们对学术或就业目标普遍缺乏兴趣。你也可以看到任何自我治疗习惯的兴趣和使用，如过度使用烟草、酒精或非法药物。无论如何，这些都是我要寻找的东西。
David Ford, I have two children I love unconditionally (and also happen to be very proud of)
How does emotional neglect in childhood affect a persons' development and sense of self?
“Emotional neglect” can mean so many things. It could mean never being hugged. It could mean being raped and beaten regularly.
Environment (which includes people’s behavior and treatment of you) teaches you the behaviors you need in order to survive your environment. Neglect teaches you that you have to find a strategy to get what you need from a hostile environment. No one is going to give you what you need. In fact, they may actively prevent you from getting what you need, or even actively harm you.
童年时期的情感忽视如何影响一个人的发展和自我意识？
“情感忽视”可能意味着很多事情。 这可能意味着永远不会被拥抱。 这可能意味着经常被强奸和殴打。
环境（包括人们的行为和对待你的方式）教会你在环境中生存所需的行为。 忽视告诉你，你必须找到一种策略，才能从一个敌对的环境中得到你需要的东西。 没有人会给你你需要的东西。 事实上，他们可能会主动阻止你得到你需要的东西，甚至主动伤害你。
How does emotional neglect in childhood affect a persons' development and sense of self?
“Emotional neglect” can mean so many things. It could mean never being hugged. It could mean being raped and beaten regularly.
Environment (which includes people’s behavior and treatment of you) teaches you the behaviors you need in order to survive your environment. Neglect teaches you that you have to find a strategy to get what you need from a hostile environment. No one is going to give you what you need. In fact, they may actively prevent you from getting what you need, or even actively harm you.
童年时期的情感忽视如何影响一个人的发展和自我意识？
“情感忽视”可能意味着很多事情。 这可能意味着永远不会被拥抱。 这可能意味着经常被强奸和殴打。
环境（包括人们的行为和对待你的方式）教会你在环境中生存所需的行为。 忽视告诉你，你必须找到一种策略，才能从一个敌对的环境中得到你需要的东西。 没有人会给你你需要的东西。 事实上，他们可能会主动阻止你得到你需要的东西，甚至主动伤害你。
Depending on what form the “neglect” takes, you learn different things. There are so many different possibilities that I can’t begin to describe them all. I guess what I can say is that neglect has consequences, and many of those consequences end up being behaviors that people will label as “mental illness” or “addiction” if they observe you doing what you learned to do to take care of yourself. The things that people call “mental illness” and “addiction” are actually self-soothing techniques we learn to help us deal with the pain of the neglect.
However, since the neglect is usually hidden, and people are too ashamed to expose it, most people think kids have “normal” upbringings that do not include neglect. Therefore, mental illness and addiction are seen to be aberrant behaviors instead of reasonable adaptations to situations of neglect.
根据“忽视”的形式，你会学到不同的东西。有太多不同的可能性，我无法一一描述。我想我能说的是，忽视是有后果的，如果人们观察到你在用自己学会的方法照顾自己，那么很多后果最终会被贴上“精神疾病”或“成瘾”的标签。人们所谓的“精神疾病”和“上瘾”实际上是我们学习的自我安慰技巧，用来帮助我们应对被忽视的痛苦。
然而，由于忽视通常是隐藏的，人们羞于暴露它，大多数人认为孩子的“正常”教养不包括忽视。因此，精神疾病和成瘾被视为异常的行为，而不是合理的适应被忽视的情况。
However, since the neglect is usually hidden, and people are too ashamed to expose it, most people think kids have “normal” upbringings that do not include neglect. Therefore, mental illness and addiction are seen to be aberrant behaviors instead of reasonable adaptations to situations of neglect.
根据“忽视”的形式，你会学到不同的东西。有太多不同的可能性，我无法一一描述。我想我能说的是，忽视是有后果的，如果人们观察到你在用自己学会的方法照顾自己，那么很多后果最终会被贴上“精神疾病”或“成瘾”的标签。人们所谓的“精神疾病”和“上瘾”实际上是我们学习的自我安慰技巧，用来帮助我们应对被忽视的痛苦。
然而，由于忽视通常是隐藏的，人们羞于暴露它，大多数人认为孩子的“正常”教养不包括忽视。因此，精神疾病和成瘾被视为异常的行为，而不是合理的适应被忽视的情况。
People who have been neglected as children tend to feel like they don’t matter or are unworthy as human beings as they become adults. This feeling can last long into adulthood, or even until death at old age. Assertions that “everyone matters” and “all humans deserve love” are dismissed as irrelevant nonsense for people who have never experienced anything but neglect. People who have been neglected learn to see themselves as not mattering because the reality is that they didn’t matter. No one chose to personally care for them.
When you grow up experiencing neglect, you learn that you don’t matter, and you come to conceive of yourself as not mattering. Many people like this become seekers — looking constantly for ways to make themselves believe they matter. They turn to all kinds of spiritual pursuits and gurus in hopes of coming to feel like they matter. They may do all kinds of spiritual calisthenics to try to convince themselves that they matter. They become gung ho positivists and do all kinds of annoying things to try to make themselves believe in themselves. Maybe it can work, but it never did for me, so I don’t believe it.
小时候被忽视的人长大成人后往往会觉得自己不重要或不配做人。这种感觉可以持续很长一段时间，直到成年，甚至直到老年死亡。“对于那些除了被忽视之外从未经历过任何事情的人来说，“每个人都很重要”和“所有人都应该得到爱”的断言被认为是无关紧要的废话。那些被忽视的人学会把自己看成无足轻重的人，因为事实是他们并不重要。没有人选择亲自照顾他们。
当你在被忽视的环境中长大，你会发现自己并不重要，你也开始认为自己不重要。许多这样的人变成了追求者——不断地寻找让自己相信自己重要的方法。他们求助于各种各样的精神追求和导师，希望能感受到自己的重要性。他们可能会做各种各样的精神健美操，试图说服自己他们很重要。他们成为狂热的实证主义者，做各种恼人的事情，试图让自己相信自己。也许它能起作用，但对我来说从来没有，所以我不相信它。
When you grow up experiencing neglect, you learn that you don’t matter, and you come to conceive of yourself as not mattering. Many people like this become seekers — looking constantly for ways to make themselves believe they matter. They turn to all kinds of spiritual pursuits and gurus in hopes of coming to feel like they matter. They may do all kinds of spiritual calisthenics to try to convince themselves that they matter. They become gung ho positivists and do all kinds of annoying things to try to make themselves believe in themselves. Maybe it can work, but it never did for me, so I don’t believe it.
小时候被忽视的人长大成人后往往会觉得自己不重要或不配做人。这种感觉可以持续很长一段时间，直到成年，甚至直到老年死亡。“对于那些除了被忽视之外从未经历过任何事情的人来说，“每个人都很重要”和“所有人都应该得到爱”的断言被认为是无关紧要的废话。那些被忽视的人学会把自己看成无足轻重的人，因为事实是他们并不重要。没有人选择亲自照顾他们。
当你在被忽视的环境中长大，你会发现自己并不重要，你也开始认为自己不重要。许多这样的人变成了追求者——不断地寻找让自己相信自己重要的方法。他们求助于各种各样的精神追求和导师，希望能感受到自己的重要性。他们可能会做各种各样的精神健美操，试图说服自己他们很重要。他们成为狂热的实证主义者，做各种恼人的事情，试图让自己相信自己。也许它能起作用，但对我来说从来没有，所以我不相信它。
So in the end, people who have been neglected emotionally will spend a good portion of their lives in emotional pain, and will constantly be seeking a way to believe they matter. They may or may not ever find a way to believe they matter. They may fake themselves into it, or they may genuinely come to feel a sense of worth, or they may never come to believe in themselves. In some cases, they end up killing themselves. Emotional neglect has a lot of different outcomes, and many people would consider most of these outcomes to be negative.
But I think as long as you’re alive, there’s still hope you can develop a sense that you matter. Maybe just for yourself. Maybe to others, as well. Maybe you’ll end up thinking mattering doesn’t matter. There are many potential solutions to this problem. And maybe everyone faces this problem to some degree or another. Having lived through it all my life and never having come to believe I matter, I can say it’s pretty painful, but I wouldn’t trade it for death. Not yet, anyway. Though I have come close to deciding that trade-off is a reasonable way to stop the pain, at points in my life.
Right now, I have hope that one day I will feel like I matter to someone who matters to me. I know I matter to my kids, and that is definitely important. But I also need to matter to someone enough that they would be willing to have my back, no matter what, and I doubt that will ever happen. Still, I live on in hopes it can happen. Nothing else I do matters as much as making that kind of connection with someone.
所以到最后，那些在情感上被忽视的人会在情感痛苦中度过他们生命中的大部分时间，并且他们会不断地寻找一种方式来相信他们是重要的。他们可能会，也可能永远不会找到一种方式来相信他们是重要的。他们可能会欺骗自己，或者他们可能会真正感觉到自己的价值，或者他们可能永远不会相信自己。在某些情况下，他们最终会自杀。情感忽视有很多不同的结果，许多人会认为这些结果中的大多数是负面的。
但我认为只要你还活着，你就有希望培养一种你很重要的感觉。也许只是为了你自己。也许对其他人也一样。也许你最终会认为重要并不重要。这个问题有许多潜在的解决方案。也许每个人都在某种程度上面临着这个问题。在经历了这一切之后，我从来没有相信我是重要的，我可以说这是相当痛苦的，但我不会用死亡来交换它。不管怎么说, 绝对不会。虽然在我生命中的某些时刻，我已经接近于决定这种取舍是一种停止痛苦的合理方式。
现在，我希望有一天我能感觉到我对对我重要的人来说也很重要。我知道我对我的孩子很重要，这绝对是重要的。但我也需要对某人足够重要，以至于他们愿意支持我，无论如何，我怀疑这永远不会发生。尽管如此，我仍然希望它能发生。我所做的一切都比与某人建立这种联系更重要。
But I think as long as you’re alive, there’s still hope you can develop a sense that you matter. Maybe just for yourself. Maybe to others, as well. Maybe you’ll end up thinking mattering doesn’t matter. There are many potential solutions to this problem. And maybe everyone faces this problem to some degree or another. Having lived through it all my life and never having come to believe I matter, I can say it’s pretty painful, but I wouldn’t trade it for death. Not yet, anyway. Though I have come close to deciding that trade-off is a reasonable way to stop the pain, at points in my life.
Right now, I have hope that one day I will feel like I matter to someone who matters to me. I know I matter to my kids, and that is definitely important. But I also need to matter to someone enough that they would be willing to have my back, no matter what, and I doubt that will ever happen. Still, I live on in hopes it can happen. Nothing else I do matters as much as making that kind of connection with someone.
所以到最后，那些在情感上被忽视的人会在情感痛苦中度过他们生命中的大部分时间，并且他们会不断地寻找一种方式来相信他们是重要的。他们可能会，也可能永远不会找到一种方式来相信他们是重要的。他们可能会欺骗自己，或者他们可能会真正感觉到自己的价值，或者他们可能永远不会相信自己。在某些情况下，他们最终会自杀。情感忽视有很多不同的结果，许多人会认为这些结果中的大多数是负面的。
但我认为只要你还活着，你就有希望培养一种你很重要的感觉。也许只是为了你自己。也许对其他人也一样。也许你最终会认为重要并不重要。这个问题有许多潜在的解决方案。也许每个人都在某种程度上面临着这个问题。在经历了这一切之后，我从来没有相信我是重要的，我可以说这是相当痛苦的，但我不会用死亡来交换它。不管怎么说, 绝对不会。虽然在我生命中的某些时刻，我已经接近于决定这种取舍是一种停止痛苦的合理方式。
现在，我希望有一天我能感觉到我对对我重要的人来说也很重要。我知道我对我的孩子很重要，这绝对是重要的。但我也需要对某人足够重要，以至于他们愿意支持我，无论如何，我怀疑这永远不会发生。尽管如此，我仍然希望它能发生。我所做的一切都比与某人建立这种联系更重要。
Winter Ryose, lived in Iceland
People pleasing
Codependency
Saying “I'm sorry". A LOT.
Automatically assuming it's your fault
Aloofness
Either telling them too much or not at all
Anger (which is normal as it's meant to be used to replace a loss of boundaries)
Sadness (which is also normal as it's meant to be used to anchor us back into our bodies when our mind wanders too far)
Avoidance behaviors
Doesn't trust others
Takes forever to open up to someone
Issues with intimacy
Issues with relationships
Bitterness (be very careful with this one; as the depth of your love is also the depth of your hate, should the love and kindness be choked out of you by bitterness)
Survival mode was meant for that chapter not the rest of your life. It is not a life sentence and that opinion does not determine your destiny. Emotional neglect is not fun to have to try and heal but, my God, is it worth it. It took you time to accrue the emotional damage and it will also take time to heal. Find just one person whom you can trust and start to open up to them. I would say a best friend and probably not a lover (if you're single).
As a Buddhist, I constantly ask the question, “What Lesson is this Pain teaching me?” Its helped me heal faster.
取悦别人
相互依赖
经常说“对不起”
自动假设是你的错
冷漠
要么告诉别人太多，要么根本不告诉别人
愤怒（这是正常的，因为它是用来代替失去界限的）
悲伤（这也是正常的，因为当我们的思想走得太远时，它可以用来将我们锚定回我们的身体）
回避行为
不相信别人
永远向某人敞开心扉
亲密关系问题
人际关系问题
苦涩（对这个要非常小心；因为你爱的深度也是你恨的深度，如果爱和善良被苦涩扼杀了）
生存模式是为了那一章而不是你的余生。这不是无期徒刑，这种观点并不能决定你的命运。不得不尝试治愈情感上的忽视并不有趣，但是，我的上帝，值得吗？你需要时间来积累情感伤害，也需要时间来治愈。找一个你可以信任的人，开始向他们敞开心扉。我认为是最好的朋友，而不是情人(如果你是单身的话)。
作为一名佛教徒，我经常问这个问题：“痛苦教会了我什么?”它帮助我更快地愈合。
People pleasing
Codependency
Saying “I'm sorry". A LOT.
Automatically assuming it's your fault
Aloofness
Either telling them too much or not at all
Anger (which is normal as it's meant to be used to replace a loss of boundaries)
Sadness (which is also normal as it's meant to be used to anchor us back into our bodies when our mind wanders too far)
Avoidance behaviors
Doesn't trust others
Takes forever to open up to someone
Issues with intimacy
Issues with relationships
Bitterness (be very careful with this one; as the depth of your love is also the depth of your hate, should the love and kindness be choked out of you by bitterness)
Survival mode was meant for that chapter not the rest of your life. It is not a life sentence and that opinion does not determine your destiny. Emotional neglect is not fun to have to try and heal but, my God, is it worth it. It took you time to accrue the emotional damage and it will also take time to heal. Find just one person whom you can trust and start to open up to them. I would say a best friend and probably not a lover (if you're single).
As a Buddhist, I constantly ask the question, “What Lesson is this Pain teaching me?” Its helped me heal faster.
取悦别人
相互依赖
经常说“对不起”
自动假设是你的错
冷漠
要么告诉别人太多，要么根本不告诉别人
愤怒（这是正常的，因为它是用来代替失去界限的）
悲伤（这也是正常的，因为当我们的思想走得太远时，它可以用来将我们锚定回我们的身体）
回避行为
不相信别人
永远向某人敞开心扉
亲密关系问题
人际关系问题
苦涩（对这个要非常小心；因为你爱的深度也是你恨的深度，如果爱和善良被苦涩扼杀了）
生存模式是为了那一章而不是你的余生。这不是无期徒刑，这种观点并不能决定你的命运。不得不尝试治愈情感上的忽视并不有趣，但是，我的上帝，值得吗？你需要时间来积累情感伤害，也需要时间来治愈。找一个你可以信任的人，开始向他们敞开心扉。我认为是最好的朋友，而不是情人(如果你是单身的话)。
作为一名佛教徒，我经常问这个问题：“痛苦教会了我什么?”它帮助我更快地愈合。
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