网帖翻译

Patrick Brown, Introvert

帕特里克·布朗,内向

First, be sure he’s actually bullying you. He might be teasing you. Bullying is intended to hurt, to exclude, to elevate the bully in the social pecking order at your expense. Teasing is meant to include you in the group, with everybody in on the joke. You only tease people you like. But some kids aren’t very good at teasing, and some kids - I was one - aren’t good at telling when they’re being teased.
So, consider the possibility that you’re being teased, and tease back. and the two of you will be friends.
And if he is bullying you, tell him to fuck off. Don’t listen to those who tell you to ignore him. Stand up to him.

首先，确保他真的在欺凌你。他可能在戏弄你。欺凌的目的是伤害、排斥、以牺牲你的利益来提升霸凌者的社会地位。取笑是为了让你加入这个群体，让每个人都参与到这个玩笑中来。你只会戏弄你喜欢的人。但有些孩子不太擅长开玩笑，而有些孩子——我就是其中一个——被嘲笑的时候不擅长区分他们。
所以，考虑一下你被嘲笑的可能性，然后嘲笑对方,你们俩就会成为朋友。
如果他欺负你，告诉他滚开。不要听那些叫你忽视他的人的话。勇敢地面对他。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Ranjith Reddy, Got bullied for 6 long years!

Ranjith Reddy，被欺负了6年!
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Verbal bullying rallies around only one point or at max two or three. When you accept these two or three things about you in a way that you feel they are part of you then it doesn't matter. It strips those bullies of their power and transfers it to you.
There was a friend of mine, who was fat and every time I called him fat he would respond "don't be jealous because I am handsome! It's a gift" I stopped calling him fat a long time ago and so did my friends.
Verbal bullying can hurt to an extent where it can provoke suicide thoughts. Just make sure that you remember that you hold the power to choose which way it turns out. One which will lead you to be the owner of your own life. The other leads to misery and discomfort. Choose wisely.

言语霸凌仅围绕一个点或最多两到三个点。当你接受了关于你的这两到三件事，你觉得它们是你的一部分，那么这就不重要了。它剥夺了那些恶棍的权力，把它转移到你身上。
我有一个朋友，他很胖，每次我说他胖，他都会回答：“不要嫉妒，因为我很帅！这是一份礼物。”我很久以前就不再叫他胖子了，我的朋友们也是。
言语霸凌会在一定程度上造成伤害，从而让人引发自杀念头。只要确保你记住，你拥有选择结果的权力。这将引导你成为自己生活的主人。另一种会导致痛苦和不适。明智地选择。

Mike E. King, PhD in psychology, 20+ years working with abused and abusers.

Mike E. King, 心理学博士，20多年研究虐待者和施虐者。

Avoid it. walk away or run if you have to. If you’re at home and it’s a parent, turn them off by remaining silent. Your stoicism will send a message that you’re above the fray. Take in deep breaths, while counting to ten. Let the breaths out while counting to ten.
This will baffle your opponent and keep your own anger in check. Remember, you don’t have to stand and take unwarranted abuse. The one response that is most satisfactory to abusers is to get you angry or to get you to respond in some way.
Practice deep breathing and take control of the situation. It takes practice but it’s a great feeling when you become the one in control while they are blasting away, uselessly. You’re above it all, detached and nonplused.

避免它。如果有必要，走开或者逃跑。如果你在家，对方是父母，那就保持沉默，让他们闭嘴。你的斯多葛主义会传递出一个信息，那就是你是超然的。深呼吸，数到十。数到十时的同时呼气。
这将使你的对手感到困惑，并控制住自己的愤怒。记住，你没必要站着接受无理的辱骂。虐待者最满意的反应是让你生气或以某种方式回应。
练习深呼吸，控制局面。这需要练习，但当他们在徒劳地喷击时，你却成为掌控者，这是一种很好的感觉。你超乎一切，超然而茫然。

Mary McCall, Engineering Tech Civil Engineering Firm

Mary McCall，工程技术土木工程公司

“How do you defend yourself from aggressive verbal abuse?”
It depends on where it’s coming from.
A lover: “K. Thank you for expressing your feelings. You can go now.” The end.
My son: “You know, I don’t have to continue to support you. You’re welcome to behave like an adult or pack your things and go. You have 30 minutes to apologize or get out.”
A supervisor at a job I’m no longer at: “Right.” And then I turned around and walked out of the room.
Unless you depend on an abusive person for housing and/or financial support, just turn around and walk away. If you are dependent on that person, make a plan, pack your things and leave.
There’s no excuse. You don’t “make” someone yell at you. You don’t “deserve” to be yelled at. Yelling back won’t solve the problem. Therapy might help, but the best thing to do is leave and don’t give that person another chance to abuse you.

“你如何保护自己免受攻击性言语虐待？”
这取决于它来自哪里。
情人：“K，谢谢你表达你的感受。你现在可以走了。”感情结束。
我儿子：“你知道，我不必继续支持你。欢迎你像成年人一样行事，或者收拾好你的东西离开。你有30分钟的时间来道歉或者离开。”
我不再从事的工作的主管：“对。”然后我转过身走出房间。
除非你依靠一个虐待你的人来获得住房和/或经济支持，否则就转身走开。如果你依赖那个人，制定一个计划，收拾好你的东西然后离开。
没有任何借口。你不要让别人对你大喊大叫。你“不配”被骂。大喊大叫并不能解决问题。治疗可能会有帮助，但最好的办法是离开，不要再给那个人虐待你的机会。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Lee-Ann Fargher-Knowles, Spiritual & Relational Coach (2011-present)

Lee-Ann Fargher-Knowles，精神与关系教练(2011-至今)

Good for you.
Well, self-awareness is like 85% of the solution so you’re already most of the way there.
Let me ask you a question - think of the most annoying person you know who REALLY triggers you in this particular way with whom you find yourself doing this without even thinking about it…
What if God (or whomever you believe in) told you categorically that the truth is: that person was doing the very best they could - how would that change things?*
What if I told you that you too are doing the best YOU can right now and it’s ok to be in that place, AND who you are right now is awesome anyway?
What if I told you that JUST that little shift that you’ve made in your mind about how you behave is going to change EVERYTHING and you’re not going to be the same person anymore and you no longer have to be enslaved by perfection and pressure to be the best all the time?
Intention is POWERFUL! Instead of focussing on NOT nagging or stressing yourself and everyone else out, instead, INVEST in the relationships and connections that have had to bear the brunt of the negativity that you’ve been planting. Go weed that stuff out and nurture them a bit and you’ll see it’s made ALL the difference when you start reaping the success, creativity, joy & delight instead.
*further discussion of my beliefs & viewpoints is welcome

对你有好处。
好吧，自我意识占了解决方案的85%所以你已经完成了大部分。
让我问你一个问题——想想你认识的最令人讨厌的人，他们真的会让你产生这种特殊的感觉，你会发现自己在想都没想的情况下就这么做了。
如果上帝（或你信仰的人）断然告诉你真相是：那个人尽了最大努力，那会怎样改变事情？
如果我告诉你，你现在也在尽你所能做到最好，处于那种状态很好，不管怎样，你现在的样子是很棒的。
如果我告诉你，你对自己的行为方式做出的一个小小的改变就会改变一切呢，你不再是同一个人，你不再不得不被完美和压力所奴役，永远要成为最好的人。
意念是强大的！与其专注于不要唠叨或给自己和其他人施加压力，不如投资于那些承受了你种植的负面情绪冲击的人际关系和联系。把那些东西清除出去，培养它们，当你开始收获成功、创造力、快乐和喜悦时，你会发现一切都不同了。
欢迎进一步讨论我的信仰和观点

M.P. Remoto, Network Engineer at IOpex Technologies (2019-present)
Don't condescend to their level. Don't be afraid. Demoralize the bully.
Some of my teammates at work were bullying me when I was new. I allowed them. I also laughed about myself when they did. Until their bullying became humiliating and habitual.
I learned to fight. Not physically but by words. I throw their words back at them, and it was effective. Most of the time, bullies do bully to conceal themselves for their iniquities. So their words fit them better.
Throw their words back at them just to demoralize them, and you'll see significant results. In my case, they still bullied me after that but there was reluctance in their bullying. And as time went that when they bully, I throw it back at them, the bullying massively decreased.
Time came when bullying was gone, and became pure joke times, and laugh moments.
Best wishes.

不要屈尊于他们的层次。不要害怕，挫败霸凌者的士气。
我刚来的时候，一些同事欺负我。我允许他们。当他们这样做的时候，我也自嘲，最后他们的欺凌变得羞辱和习惯。
我学会了战斗。不是身体上的，而是语言上的。我把他们的话回击了他们，这是有效的。大多数情况下，恃强凌弱者是为了掩饰自己的恶行。所以他们的话更适合他们。
把他们的话扔回去只是为了让他们泄气，你会看到显著的结果。在我身上，他们在那之后仍然欺负我，但他们的欺负是不情愿的。随着时间的推移，当他们欺负我时，我把它扔给他们，欺负行为大大减少了。
欺凌行为消失后，变成了纯粹的玩笑时间和欢笑时刻。
祝一切顺利。

Lionel Loquias, xR Engineer, Experimental Psychologist, Martial Artist

Lionel Loquias, xR工程师，实验心理学家，武术家

Humor. Lots of self-deprecating sarcastic humor.
I like taking something they meant to hurt me and totally roll with it but make it funnier than they did. This is especially so if you're in front of people. Basically add a healthy dose of sarcasm to your self-deprecating counter. If you're also quite adept in mimicking physical behaviors and doing impressions like I am, it adds an extra dimension to the humor that they often can't compete with.
This is effective for me because it also places the person into the situation that people are afraid of more than death: public speaking. The number one fear of the general population. I am unafraid of being in front of a group no matter how big or small. By being funny using sarcastic self-deprecating humor you not only nullify their insults but you place them in a situation that they are more than likely terrified of. Bullies don't like to be perceived as scared. They are bullies because they want to hide their fear.

幽默：大量自嘲性质的讽刺幽默。
我喜欢拿一些他们想伤害我的东西，完全接受，让它比他们造成的影响更有趣。如果你站在人们面前，情况尤其如此。基本上就是在你的自嘲中加入适量的讽刺。如果你也很擅长模仿身体行为，并像我一样给人留下深刻印象，那么这会为幽默增加额外的维度，这往往是他们无法比拟的。
这对我来说很有效，它还把人置于比死亡更让人害怕的境地：公开演讲—这是普通民众最为恐惧的事情。无论其人群规模大或者小，我都不怕站在一群人面前。通过使用讽刺性的自嘲幽默，不仅要让他们的侮辱无效，还可以将他们置于一种他们非常害怕的境地。恶霸不喜欢让人觉得他们自己害怕。因为他们是欺凌者，他们想隐藏自己的恐惧。

David Howe, works at University of Minnesota

David Howe就职于明尼苏达大学

It has taken me a lifetime to learn this. Don't respond to verbal abuse. Be silent or leave if possible.
If you feel safe, simply tell the abuser to stop yelling/swearing/insulting you.
No one has any right to abuse you no matter what.

我花了一辈子的时间才学会这一点，不要对辱骂做出回应。保持沉默，或者尽可能离开。
如果你觉得安全，简单地告诉施暴者停止叫喊/咒骂/侮辱你。
不管怎样，任何人都无权虐待你。

Tiffany Parkinson, Registered Nurse (2003-present)

蒂芙尼·帕金森，注册护士(2003年至今)

Not sure if you are asking how to deal with it or why. I don't think there is a way to "deal with" verbal abuse. Only the person knows how much they are willing to put up with. In my case, it was several men and bad relationships. Each one did it in their own way. Verbal abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse...they all take a toll on you emotionally and mentally. It wears you down, it makes you feel inferior, weak and worthless. People from the outside can't possibly understand it because they are strong, confident and have a good sense of self and are grounded. But if you are with one guy that tells you they love you more than anything, that you are their world and to trust them...and then they make you feel like garbage or poop on the bottom of their shoe because of something you say or do or because you are wanting just basic love back, you start to question if you really are worth nothing etc.

不确定你是在问如何处理或者为什么。我认为没有办法“处理”言语虐待。只有自己才知道自己愿意忍受到什么程度。对我来说，是好几个男人和糟糕的关系。每个人都以自己的方式做这件事。言语虐待、精神虐待、身体虐待，它们都会在情感和精神上给你带来损失。它让你疲惫不堪，让你感到自卑、软弱，让莫感觉自己毫无价值。外界的人不可能理解这一点，因为他们坚强、自信、有良好的自我意识，而且脚踏实地。但如果你和一个说爱你胜过一切的男人在一起，你就是他们的世界，要相信他们。然后他们会因为你说的话、做的事，或者因为你想要得到最基本的爱，而让你觉得自己是他们鞋底的垃圾或便便，你开始质疑你是否真的一文不值等等。

Abby Thompson, works at Grateful Heart Holistic Therapy Center
It's all about setting boundaries, before, during, or after an incident.
If you are in an ongoing relationship in which verbal abuse happens, your first priority, of course, is to get out. Verbal abuse is still abuse, and there are local foundations that can help. They often operate hotlines, so if you are unsure, you can simply call to find out about your next step. La Casa de las Madres is local where I am, and is a great example of a place to get help with abusive relationships.
If your situation is more benign and you can't get away- say, you're working in customer service- you still don't need to take it. Politely and respectfully respond with clear instructions, such as "Do not raise your voice at me" or "I understand your concerns, but there is no reason to behave this way." Using the word "please" or smiling are not necessary. A firm tone of voice and solid body language is.
I know very little about your situation, but I hope that you really take in that you don't deserve verbal abuse of any kind, and seek help if necessary to protect yourself from it.

这一切都是关于在事件之前、期间或之后设定边界。
如果你正处于一段不断发生言语虐待的关系中，那么你的首要任务当然是离开。言语虐待仍然属于虐待，当地的一些基金会可以提供帮助。他们经常开通热线，所以如果你不确定，你可以简单地打电话问问下一步该怎么做。La Casa de las Madres是我所在的地方，是一个很好的例子，可以在虐待关系中获得帮助。
如果你的情况比较好，你无法脱身——比如，你在客户服务部门工作——你仍然不需要接受它。礼貌、尊重地回应并给出明确的指示，如“不要对我大声嚷嚷”或“我理解你的担忧，但没有理由这样做。”没有必要使用“请”或微笑。坚定的语气和坚定的肢体语言就可以。
我对你的情况知之甚少，但我希望你真的明白，你不应该受到任何形式的言语虐待，如果有必要，寻求帮助以保护自己免受虐待。

Amelia Gray, BA in Psychology University of Pudget Sound & Child Care, Tacoma Community College (2015)

阿米莉亚·格雷，帕吉特声音与儿童护理大学心理学学士，塔科马社区学院(2015)

That's not true.
Your truth has to be based on merit or something subjective. While what you described was up for interpretation. Meaning, your “truth” was like a form of perception that came across abusively.
That is a nagging attitude. Personally i would have used the term “micromanaging” but thats just me. Sometimes i can be a micromanager. Just try to step away from the things that stress you out instead of appouching them or bugging someone else to help for a little while till of course it needs to get done or you feel your more relaxed when addressing something.

那不是真的。
你的真理必须基于价值或主观的东西。而你所描述的则有待解释。意思是，你的"真相"就像是一种被滥用的认知形式。
这是一种唠叨的态度。就我个人而言，我会用“微观管理”这个词，但这只是我个人的说法。有时我是一个事无巨细的管理者。只是试着远离那些让你感到压力的事情，而不是去触碰它们或麻烦别人帮助你一段时间，直到它需要完成或你在处理一些事情时感到更放松。

Karien Vorster, former IT Recruitment Consultant

Karien Vorster，前IT招聘顾问

Depends where the verbal abuse comes from.
If its a spouse, steps need to be taken to deal with this, as verbal abuse is very destructive in any relationship.
If it comes from a friend, family member, person you work with etc, I find the best way to deal with these abusers - are not to engage and if possible - least possible amount of contact.
I find that a lot of verbal abusers have certain personality traits. Usually (but not always) very self centered, selfish and entitled. Also unable to take blame or responsibility. Best way to deal with such people is to either cut them out of your life..

取决于辱骂的来源。
如果是配偶，就需要采取措施来处理这一问题，因为言语虐待在任何关系中都是极具破坏性的。
如果来自朋友、家人、同事等，我发现对付这些虐待者的最好方法是不要接触，如果可能的话，尽量少接触。
我发现很多言语虐待者都有一定的性格特征。通常（但并非总是）非常以自我为中心、自私和有权利。也无法承担责任。对付这种人最好的办法就是把他们从你的生活中赶出去。

S. M. Henderson, Philosopher, Musician, Game Master, Martial Artist & Ginger
There is one fantastic method that I have implemented which works very well. It is a secret arcane martial art technique handed down through generations. Now I pass it on to you.
When confronted with someone who is verbally attacking you, insulting you, trying to provoke you… simply hold your arms out in front of you in an "X" and proclaim, "Cancel!"
The verbal attack is instantaneously stopped in midair before it makes impact on you. The projectile of their foul, provocative words never reaches you. It is cancelled, and dexed from existence. Permanently. Your sense of self worth is left completely unscathed.
Another technique is, "Reflect!" where you hold your arm vertically like you are holding a mirror, and turn 45 degrees to someone else nearby. This reflects the attack off of you and it instead is sent towards some other poor fool standing beside you. All of the insults and verbal attacks are reflected onto them instead, leaving your ego unscathed!
It sounds ridiculous and childish. But hopefully you will realize, by performing these techniques, just how much your offense and outrage is all in your imagination. When you interpret their insulting words as something being launched at you like a projectile, which can be blocked and deflected, or dexed from existence, you will be perfectly unharmed and your ego will prosper.

我已经实现了一个非常好的方法。这是一种世世代代流传下来的秘密秘术。现在我把它传给你。
当面对一个口头攻击你、侮辱你、试图激怒你的人时，只需伸出你的手臂，打个“X”，然后宣布“停止！”
言语攻击会在半空中瞬间停止，然后对你产生影响。你永远也不会听到他们那肮脏、挑衅的话。它被停止，并从存在中删除。你的自我价值感完全没有受到伤害。
另一个技巧是“反射!”，你要像拿着镜子一样垂直地举起手臂，然后向附近的其他人转过45度。这反映了对你在攻击，相反，它会被送到站在你身边的另一个可怜的傻瓜那里。所有的侮辱和言语攻击都反映在他们身上，而你的自尊却毫发无损！
这听起来既可笑又幼稚。但希望你会意识到，通过这些技巧，你的冒犯和愤怒只是你的想象。当你把他们侮辱性的话语理解为像炮弹一样向你发射的东西，它可以被阻挡和偏转，或者从存在中删除，你将完全不受伤害，你的自我意识也会增强。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Juan Espinosa, President at Connex Puerto Rico (2010-present)
It would be easy to suggest getting away from verbal abusers but that is not always possible. Assuming that is the case, do your homework. Verbal abusers are predictable. Study how to respond effectively to the verbal abuser and be ready for your next encounter. You might be surprised as how easy pushing back can stop a verbal abuser.
But beware, verbal abusers can become physical abusers in no time. You don’t have to take verbal abuse at all.

建议远离言语虐待者很容易，但这并不总是可能的。如果是这样的话，那就做好准备工作吧。言语施暴者是可以预见的。学习如何有效地回应辱骂者，并为下次遇到他们做好准备。你可能会惊讶于反驳是多么容易就能阻止一个言语施暴者。
但要小心，言语虐待者很快就会变成身体虐待者。你根本不必接受言语霸凌。

Keith Nagata, Mortician, Funeral Director, Operations Mgr.
Bullies are just insecure people. They have to put others down to help make themselves feel better about themselves. It is a sad and potentially dangerous situation for a bully and their targets. As long as a bully doesn’t make physical contact with you, your only defense is to walk away and not engage with them. They desire attention, negative or positive. If you engage with them, they are getting reinforcement for their bullying. If you are feeling adventurous, you can try to find out about their life and figure out the underlying reason they bully and try to help them. They will have a sad and depressing life unless they change their ways.

霸凌者都是没有安全感的人。他们不得不贬低别人来帮助自己感觉更好。对于一个恶霸及其目标来说，这是一个可悲且潜在危险的局面。只要霸凌者不与你发生身体接触，你唯一的防御就是走开，不要与他们接触。他们渴望得到关注，无论是消极的还是积极的。如果你与他们接触，他们的欺凌行为就会得到加强。如果你有冒险精神，你可以试着了解他们的生活，找出他们欺凌的根本原因，并尝试帮助他们。除非他们改变他们的生活方式，否则他们将会有一个悲伤和沮丧的生活。

KC Trae Becker, Substitute Teacher at ESS Global (2021-present)
I suggest you try these responses in order. Each new step is harder and less likely to succeed.
Ignore them if you can. Many bullies feed off of attention. Stone cold stares when face to face or deleting cyber bullying can often be enough to end the situation.
Get help if you can. Reporting bullying can sometimes stop a terrible habit of bullying from developing. Or gathering allies can make the bully realize they don’t have as much power as they think they do.
Try to give a kind, calm, rational answer. Not every bully realizes they are bullying . Some people will actually appreciate being rescued from their anger or fear that drives them to their bullying behavior.
If all else fails, you can try to turn the tables on a bully and out bully them by being more verbally abusive than they are. Sometimes it makes a person take notice of their behavior and reexamine it. Sometimes it intimidates a bully. Be careful though, this has serious possible side effects. a. You may develop your own habit of bullying. b. You may experience strong, lasting guilt over what you say. c. Sometimes confrontation will push verbal bullying to the next level and the abuse may become physical instead.

我建议你依次尝试这些办法。每一步都更困难，成功的可能性也更小。
如果可以，请忽略它们。许多恶霸靠别人的关注为生。面对面时冰冷的眼神或删除网络霸凌往往足以结束这种局面。
如果可以，请寻求帮助。报告欺凌行为有时可以阻止可怕的欺凌习惯变强。或者聚集盟友可以让欺凌者意识到，他们没有自己认为的那么大的权力。
试着给出一个友善、冷静、理性的回答。并不是每个霸凌者都意识到他们在霸凌人。事实上，有些人会感激被人从愤怒或恐惧中解救出来，这些愤怒或恐惧驱使他们做出欺凌行为。
如果所有这些都失败了，你可以试着扭转局面，用比他们更严厉的语言来欺负他们。有时它会让一个人注意到自己的行为并重新审视它。有时它会吓唬霸凌者。但要小心，这可能会有严重的副作用。a、 你可能会养成自己欺凌他人的习惯。b、你可能会对你说的话感到强烈而持久的内疚。c、 有时，对抗会将言语欺凌推向下一个层次，而虐待可能会变成身体上的。

Alexis Sanchez, lives in North Carolina
I agree with Mary, however, I’d like to add that if you cannot get out of the verbally abusive situation, then the best thing you can do for yourself while you wait it out is limit the abuse, and remember that you MUST stay strong. You can limit the abuse by answering short, simple, and “correctly”. This gets the abuse over with, and doesn’t give the abuser anything in your words to pick out and torment you about. I know it sounds brutal, and even a dire measure, but it gives you time to write things down, and know what you know in between stages two and three. Writing things down if you can, and going over events in your head can keep you from being brainwashed. Also, if you limit the time you’re around the abuser (say you get an extra credit project), then it gives less time for them to abuse you. (Abuse isn’t just the incident, those snide comments hurt). Another way to stay strong is to confide in someone who can really trust. Just stay strong, and remember one of these days, you’re going to laugh out loud at them trying to tell you who you are.

然而，我同意玛丽的观点，我想补充一点，如果你无法摆脱言语虐待的局面，那么在等待结束的过程中，你能为自己做的最好的事情就是限制虐待，记住你必须保持坚强。你可以通过简短、简单和“正确”的回答来限制这种滥用。这样可以让虐待结束，也不会让施暴者从你的言语中挑出任何东西来折磨你。我知道这听起来很残酷，甚至是一个可怕的措施，但它让你有时间把事情写下来，在第二阶段和第三阶段之间了解你所知道的。如果可以的话，把事情写下来，在脑海中回想这些事情可以让你不被洗脑。此外，如果你限制了与施虐者相处的时间（假设你得到了一个额外的学分项目），那么他们虐待你的时间就会减少。（虐待造成的影响不仅仅是事件，而且那些刻薄的评论很伤人）。另一种保持坚强的方法是向真正可以信任的人倾诉。坚强点，记住总有一天，当他们试图告诉你你是谁时，你会笑出声来。