网帖翻译

Terrell Cotton
I wrote an article about Anger and managing it.Hope this helps.
The 5 Causes of Uncontrolled Anger and the 5 Ways You Can Manage it.
Dictionary .com describes anger as a noun meaning “a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath;”
Anger is something we have all experienced in life, and personally, I can tell you many stories where my anger got the best of me. Times where I was let down by somebody I considered a friend or betrayed by a woman I was in a relationship with. Times where I felt I didn’t get a chance I deserved professionally, or when I let myself down by doing something stupid. Anger is a very strong emotion that, when left unchecked, can cause us to make decisions that can have lifelong consequences.
Have you heard of Alexander the Great? He was a great military genius who by the age of 32 not only ruled Macedonia, but become the King of Persia, the Pharaoh of Egypt, and the King of Asia. We also know, however, that Alexander had an explosive temper. The information below is from livescience.com which describes how Alexander killed his best friend during a fit of rage.
“A second casualty of Alexander’s was his old friend Cleitus, who was angry that Alexander was adopting the Persian dress and customs. After an episode where the two were drinking, Cleitus told his king off, telling him, in essence, that he should follow Macedonian ways, not those of the Persians who had opposed him.
After the two got drunk, Cleitus lifted up his right hand and said,“this is the hand, Alexander, that saved you then (at the Battle of Granicus).” Alexander, infuriated, killed him with a spear or pike.
Alexander took his act of murder terribly. “Again and again, he called himself, his friend’s murderer and went without food and drink for three days and completely neglected his person,”

我写了一篇关于愤怒和控制愤怒的文章，希望这有帮助。
愤怒不受控制的5个原因和你可以控制它的5种方法。
词典将愤怒描述为一个名词，意思是“由错误引起的强烈不满和好战感；愤怒
愤怒是我们在生活中都经历过的事情，就我个人而言，我可以告诉你们很多故事，我的愤怒占据了我的大部分。有时我会被我认为是朋友的人辜负，或者被一个和我有关系的女人背叛。有时我觉得职业上我没有得到本应得到的机会，或者我做了一些愚蠢的事情让自己失望。愤怒是一种非常强烈的情绪，如果不加以控制，它会导致我们做出可能影响一生的决定。
你听说过亚历山大大帝吗？他是一位伟大的军事天才，32岁时不仅统治马其顿（巴尔干半岛一古国），而且成为波斯王、埃及法老和亚洲国王。然而，我们也知道亚历山大脾气暴躁。以下信息来自生活科学网。该网站描述了亚历山大如何在一次暴怒中杀死了他最好的朋友。
“因亚历山大愤怒导致第二个受伤害的人是他的老朋友克莱特斯，他对亚历山大采用波斯服饰和习俗感到愤怒。在两人饮酒的一段插曲后，克莱特斯斥责了他的国王，实质上告诉他，他应该遵循马其顿的方式，而不是那些反对他的波斯人的方式。
两人喝醉后，克莱特斯举起右手说：“亚历山大，这就是当时（在格拉尼克斯战役中）救你的那只手。”亚历山大大怒，用标枪或长矛杀死了他。
亚历山大对自己的谋杀行为感到震惊。他一次又一次地称自己是杀害他朋友的凶手，连续三天不吃不喝，完全不顾自己的安危。

How many times have you done or said something in anger which you later regretted? What words or actions do you wish, you can take back? I know as a father, I personally have said and done things I regret. However, I have learned from my mistakes and evolved from the person I was, and I hope this article will help you see the dangers of anger.
What Causes Anger?

有多少次你在愤怒中做了什么或说了一些什么而事后感到后悔？你希望什么样的言行可以收回？我知道作为一个父亲，我个人曾说过和做过令我后悔的事情。然而，我从自己的错误中吸取了教训，并从过去的经历中成长起来，我希望这篇文章能帮助你看到愤怒的危险。
什么引起愤怒？
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

1. Our Ego.
"Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it." Colin Powell
For many men, our ego can cause us to make rash decisions. “I’m not going to let anyone punk me”, “I have to prove a man”, and other silly notions of a perceived sense of manliness has gotten a lot of us in trouble. Just like Alexander, how many of you get angry, allow their egos to go unchecked, and do something you regret? How many men are sitting in prison because they did something stupid because of their ego? I’ll be the first to raise my hand on how letting my anger, overwrite my common sense, get me in trouble because of my ego.
It was early 2000’s I was working the typical call center job. I had applied for a supervisor position, thinking I was certain to get it. I also started dating a co-worker, and not knowing the difference between love and infatuation, I fell for her pretty fast. A few guys there wanted to get with her but she was with me so I had a chip on my shoulder. I later found out that I wasn’t the only guy she was with. Things quickly spiraled out of control.
We had a very heated discussion that night over the phone and broke up. But knowing that I would have to see her at work the next day, I decided to make continue the conversation in public. Things got more heated. The other guy decides to call me on my cell (She gave him my number) and we exchange words while I’m sitting at my desk. Not wanting to look like a punk (here we go with the ego) I walk over and tell her “I will f**k him up and you too if you wanna keep playing with me.” Wrong move! I just threatened a co-worker in front of several other witnesses. My chances of getting that promotion were gone and my reputation took a hit as well. because of my temper and how I let anger get the better of me.

我们的自尊。
“避免让你的自尊过于接近你的地位，以至于当你的地位下降时，你的自尊感也会随之下降。”—科林·鲍威尔
对许多男人来说，我们的自尊会让我们做出草率的决定。“我不会让任何人打我”，“我必须证明自己是一个男人”，以及其他一些愚蠢的关于男人气概的观念让我们很多人陷入了麻烦。就像亚历山大一样，你们中有多少人会生气，任由他们的自尊心肆无忌惮，做一些令你们后悔的事？有多少人坐在监狱里是因为他们他们的自尊做了一些愚蠢的事？我会第一个举手说明我的愤怒是如何覆盖了我的常识，让我因为自尊感而陷入麻烦。
那是2000年初，我在做典型的呼叫中心工作。我申请了一个主管的职位，我想我一定能得到。我也开始和一个同事约会，由于不知道爱情和迷恋的区别，我很快就爱上她了。那而有几个人想和她在一起，但她和我在一起，后来我发现我不是唯一和她在一起的男人，所以我很生气。事情很快就失控了。
那天晚上，我们在电话里进行了一次非常激烈的讨论，然后分手了。但我知道第二天我必定会在工作中见到她，所以我决定在公开场合继续谈话。事情变得更加激烈。另一个家伙决定给我打电话（她给了他我的号码），当我坐在桌子旁时，我们交换了意见。不想让自己看起来像个朋克(这就是我们的自尊感)，我走过去告诉她：“如果你想继续和我玩，我会把他和你都杀了。”错误的行动—我只是当着其他几个证人的面威胁了我的同事。我升职的机会消失了，我的声誉也受到了打击。就因为我的脾气和以及我被愤怒给控制住。

2. Having Unrealistic Expectations.
Unfortunately, not everything goes as planned. We can seemingly have things planned perfectly, and all of a sudden, things go awry. You may have expected a larger raise at work, or a project you are working on can all of a sudden go horribly wrong. You may have gotten into an argument with your girlfriend or wife and thought buying her flowers will magically make things better, but didn’t, and now you have the angries. Things don’t always go as planned. We need to accept that and move on.
As a father have you ever gotten angry with your children over something that really wasn’t a big deal? I can speak from experience on times I have something out of nothing. We have to remember that kids will be kids. They will do things that kids do. Why, being an adult, should we hold children to standards above their age, and get upset when they don’t meet them? I know parents that push their children to standards of perfection. They don’t allow their children to be children. Once again, it comes back to the ego. Our children are a reflection of us, and if they “fail” to meet some parent’s expectations of perfection, they get angry. Don’t set unrealistic expectations.

有不切实际的期望。
不幸的是，并非一切都按计划进行。我们似乎可以完美地计划事情，但突然之间，事情就出了岔子。你可能期望在工作中得到更多的加薪，或者你正在做的一个项目可能突然出了大问题。你可能和你的女友或妻子吵架了，以为给她买花会神奇地让事情变得更好，但事实并非如此，现在你有了愤怒情绪。事情并不总是按计划进行。我们需要接受这一点，然后继续前进。
作为一个父亲，你有没有因为一些其实没什么大不了的事情而生孩子的气？我可以凭经验说话，有时我突然生气。我们必须记住，孩子就是孩子，他们会做孩子们做的事情。为什么，作为一个成年人，我们应该要求孩子达到高于他们年龄的标准，当他们不符合标准时，我们会感到不安？我知道父母会把孩子推向完美的境界。他们不允许自己的孩子做孩子。再一次，它回到了自尊。我们的孩子是我们的反映，如果他们“未能”达到父母对完美的期望，他们就会生气。不要设定不切实际的期望。

3. Poor Communication.
Poor communication is a big problem in many relationships. When two people cannot communicate effectively, anger is sure to pop its ugly head up somewhere. Many times, poor communication goes hand and hand with ego. When someone is too bull headed to listen to anything the other person has to say.
"Bad human communication leaves us less room to grow." Rowan Williams
I once had a girlfriend that thought I was upset with her because I too silent. I came home from work tired and wasn’t in a particularly chatty mood. She assumed I was upset and asked me why I was so angry? I told her I wasn’t, but she pushed back saying that I needed to open up. I wasn’t upset, but her pushing and not believing me started to make me angry and an argument ensued. If we knew how to communicate properly, things wouldn’t have gotten as far as they did. She knew from past experience that when I was upset, I was quiet. She took this as a sign of my current mood and misread it. If I would have opened up to her more when I was angry, instead of keeping it inside, our communication would have been better.

沟通不畅。
沟通不畅是许多人际关系中的一个大问题。当两个人无法有效沟通时，愤怒肯定会在某个地方冒出来。很多时候，糟糕的沟通与自尊息息相关。尤其是当一个人太固执，不听别人说什么的时候。
“糟糕的人际沟通让我们成长的空间变小了。”—罗云·威廉斯
我曾经有一个女朋友因为我太沉默了就认为我对她很生气。实际上我下班回家很累，没有什么闲聊的心情。她以为我很难过，问我为什么这么生气？我告诉她我不是生气，但她拒绝我这个理由，说我需要敞开心扉。我并没有生气，但她还是拒绝相信，不相信我，这让我很生气，随后发生了一场争吵。如果我们知道如何正确地沟通，事情就不会如此演变。根据过去的经验，她知道当我难过的时候，我很安静。她认为这是我当前情绪的一种表现，并误读了它。如果我在生气的时候对她更开放一些，而不是把它藏在心里，我们的交流就会更畅通。

4. Making Yourself Angry.
Are you a negative person or a complainer? Do you choose to become angry over things you really don’t need to be angry about? I know people that get extremely wound up over politics. Others have serious road rage when someone cuts them off and will carry that rage needlessly for hours.
I know I was the type of individual that would consider the slightest perceived insult or sign of disrespect as a proclamation of war. I would carry a grudge for a long time while watching the offending party living their life without even the slightest feeling of what may have occurred.
How about when someone does cut you off while driving. We assume that that the other driver is just a moron that doesn’t know how to drive. Maybe it was a guy with a pregnant wife who was about to have a baby. Maybe it was a mother who had a sick child they were rushing to the hospital. While there are people that are jerks and shouldn’t be driving, some people have a good reason why they are driving a little more reckless than normal. Don’t let it trouble you so much. Sometimes we need to give people the benefit of a doubt.

让自己生气。
你是一个消极的人还是一个抱怨者？你会选择对你不需要生气的事情生气吗？我知道有些人对政治极为不满。还有一些人是严重的路怒症，当有人打断他们时，他们会毫无必要地持续愤怒几个小时。
我知道我是那种认为最轻微的侮辱或不尊重都是宣战的人。看着冒犯的一方过着自己的生活却丝毫不知道发生了什么的时候，我会很长一段时间怀恨在心。
如果有人在开车时堵住了你，那又如何。我们假设另一个司机只是一个不会开车的白痴。也许是一个车上有怀孕妻子的男人，她正要生孩子。可能是一位母亲搭载一个生病的孩子，他们正赶往医院。虽然有些人是笨蛋，不应该开车，但有些人有很好的理由解释为什么他们开车比平时更鲁莽。别让这件事给你带来这么大的麻烦。有时候我们需要先假定别人是无辜的。

5. Purposely Making Others Angry.
Spouse, children, girlfriends, close friends, I’m guessing you know what their hot buttons are. You know exactly what to do, or what to say, to make them upset. Anytime you use this knowledge, to purposely get a rise out of someone, to purposely make them upset, you are being childish, extremely unfair, and honestly less of a man. If you have nothing better to do with your time than to yank the chain of the people you care about, you need serious help.
A few years ago I was going through a breakup. She expressed that she wanted to try and work things out, but I wasn’t hearing it. I knew this woman inside and out. I knew what buttons to press and what words to say to piss her off. I let my ego (There’s that word again) get the better of me. She had embarrassed me on social media, and I couldn’t let that pass. So I pushed those buttons as hard as I could and said those things as loud as possible. I hurt her real bad. I wasn’t a man, I was a coward. How many of you are cowards? How many of you would rather make others upset just because you are sick and enjoy it? Stop being a coward, and stop being a prick.

故意让别人生气。
配偶，孩子，女朋友，亲密的朋友，我猜你知道他们的敏感之处是什么。你知道该做什么，或者说什么，来让他们不高兴。当你利用这些知识，故意让某人站起来，故意让他们难过时，这都是幼稚且极不公平的，老实说，你不是一个男人。如果你没有别的事可做，只能去拉你在乎的人的锁链，那么你就需要真正的帮助了。
几年前，我正在经历一次分手。她表示她想尝试解决问题，但我没有听到。我对这个女人了如指掌。我知道该按什么按钮，说什么话让她生气。我让我的自尊（这个词又出现了）战胜了我。她在社交媒体上让我难堪，我不能就此罢休。所以我尽可能用力地按这些按钮，并尽可能大声地说这些话。我将她伤得很厉害。我不是男人，我是个懦夫。你们有多少人是胆小鬼？你们中有多少人宁愿因为自己生病而让别人难过，然后乐在其中?别再做懦夫了，别再做混蛋了。

What Happens When We Get Angry?
1. Anger Prevents Problem Solving.
When we become angry, our ability to think logically and problem solve are greatly reduced. Anger completely shuts down an open mind.
Have you been is the middle of discussing a problem or disagreement with your significant other, and things seem to be working themselves out. Then one of you said something that makes the other angry. The next thing you know the both of you are angry and all efforts of resolution cease. Talking leads to yelling, which leads to silence, which leads to no resolution.
2. Anger Can Be Habitual.
"Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end."
Anger can become a default way of handling problems if repeated. If you habitually get angry when an issue comes up, anger will fast become the only way you handle them. Athletes practice to become better at their sport. My brother is a software engineer and he is always reading, researching, and perfecting his craft. It has been said often that “Practice makes perfect”. I took karate for over 6 years during my teenage years. Over twenty years later I can still throw a punch and a side kick without thinking of my form. The way you practice something will become the way to perform it until you consciously practice it a different way to change it. Anger is no different. If you establish a pattern of becoming easily angered at every small problem or disagreement, you will cause that behavior to become permanent.

当我们生气时会发生什么？
愤怒不利于解决问题。
当我们生气时，我们逻辑思考和解决问题的能力大大降低。愤怒完全封闭了思想。
你是否一直在与你的另一半讨论一个问题或分歧，事情似乎正在自行解决。然后你们中的一个说了一些让另一个生气的话。接下来你们两个都很生气，所有解决问题的努力都停止了。说话导致大喊大叫，大喊大叫导致沉默，沉默导致无法解决问题。
愤怒可能是习惯性的。
愚妄人尽发怒气，智慧人终使人平静
如果重复，愤怒可能成为处理问题的默认方式。如果你在遇到问题时习惯性地生气，愤怒很快就会成为你处理问题的唯一方式。运动员练习以提高运动水平。我哥哥是一名软件工程师，他总是在阅读、研究和完善他的技术。人们常说“熟能生巧”。我十几岁的时候练了6年空手道。二十多年后，我仍然可以不考虑自己的状态就打出一拳和一记侧踢。你练习某事的方式将成为执行它的方式，直到你有意识地用不同的方式来改变它。愤怒也不例外。如果你建立了一种模式，对每一个小问题或分歧都很容易生气，你就会一直是一个很容易变得愤怒的人。

3. The Truth Becomes Distorted.
We tend to over exaggerate when we get angry. We say things like, “You’re always late!”, “You never listen to anything I have to say!”, or “You seriously can’t do anything right!” Anger distorts the truth.
I was one to say ridiculous things such as this. When one of my boys would leave a dirty bowl in their room, I would be quick to say, “You never clean up after yourself.” While he is a messy kid, to say that he never cleans up after himself is a lie. It’s just me being frustrated. When I am in a conversation with someone and they use words like never or always, I say things like, “So you’re saying I NEVER listen to you?” I repeat these things back and the other person will normally correct their statement. If not, I’ll give examples to demonstrate how what they just said isn’t true.
If you like to make such exaggerations when you are angry, do yourself a favor, take a minute, and think. Think about this when it comes to your children. You don’t realize how such exaggerations hurt them. If you are claiming they are ALWAYS doing something bad, they may start to believe it. Don’t do that to your kids.

3、真相被扭曲。
我们生气时往往过分夸大。我们会说“你总是迟到！”，“你从来不听我说的话！”，或者“你真的什么都做不好！”愤怒歪曲了事实。
我就是那种会说这种荒唐话的人。当我的一个孩子把一个脏碗留在他们的房间里时，我会很快地说：“你永远不会自己收拾干净。”虽然他是一个邋遢的孩子，但说他事后从不收拾就是一个谎言。只是我感到沮丧才这样说。当我和某人谈话时，他们会用“从不”或“总是”这样的词，我会说“那么你是说我从来不听你的咯？”我重复这些话，其他人通常会纠正他们的陈述。如果不是，我会举一些例子来证明他们刚才说的不是真的。
如果你在生气的时候喜欢夸大其词，帮自己一个忙，花点时间想想。当涉及到你的孩子时，想想它。你没有意识到这样的夸张方式是如何伤害他们的。如果你声称他们总是做坏事，他们可能会开始相信自己就是这样的。所以不要这样对待你的孩子。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

What To Do When You Get Angry.
1. Focus On Releasing It Positively.
Some people will say you need to vent your anger, let it out. I agree with releasing your anger, but only in a positive way.
When I decide to release my anger, I’ll do things like go to the gym, play video games, anything but do something destructive physically or verbally. Go for a walk (Not a drive!), work in your yard, clean the house, do whatever you need to do to let it go. Don’t vent negatively. Doing so is a surefire way to damage relationships.
"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered,"
You can also find a person to talk to. I have a person that I trust to tell me the truth when I need to talk.
Whatever you do, do not hold anger in. Holding anger is not only emotionally damaging, it’s physically unhealthy. Holding in anger causes stress. This stress causes things like headaches, depression, nausea, ulcers, and high blood pressure. Ask yourself if what you are angry about really worth all this? I would have to say no.

当你生气时该怎么办。
注重积极释放。
有些人会说你需要发泄你的愤怒，发泄出来。我同意释放你的愤怒，但只能以积极的方式。
当我决定释放我的愤怒时，我会做一些事情，比如去健身房，玩电子游戏，做除了做一些身体上或口头上的破坏性的事情之外的任何事。去散步（不是开车！），在你的院子里工作，打扫房子，做任何你需要做的事情让愤怒消失。不要消极地发泄。这样做肯定会破坏人际关系。
“不要与脾气暴躁的人交朋友，不要与容易发怒的人交往。”
你也可以找个人聊天。我有一个我信任的人在我需要倾诉的时候会告诉我真相。
无论你做什么，不要压抑愤怒。保持愤怒不仅对情绪有害，而且对身体有害。愤怒会导致压力。这种压力会导致头痛、抑郁、恶心、溃疡和高血压。问问自己，你为之生气的事情是否真的值得你愤怒？我不得不说不。

2. Prevent It From Happening.
Don’t let your anger backfire and blow up in your face. Prevent your anger by taking hold of it before the fuse is ignited. If you lose control and light the fuse, it’s only a matter of time before you explode and cause what could be irreparable damage to a relationship or worse as in the case of Alexander the Great.
One way you can prevent anger is by realizing that some battles don’t need to be fought. In other words, why argue over things that are petty. I don’t argue over nonsense, politics, or my faith. Why bother arguing? Is arguing going to make the other person change their mind? I don’t think so either. I was once sitting in a Starbucks writing and a group of women were talking about politics and they supported views I didn’t. One of them asked me who I was voting for. I simply answered, “I don’t discuss politics.” I did this because I knew how easily that situation could have blown up. I decided to prevent it.

防止其发生。
不要让你的愤怒适得其反，在你的脸上爆发。在导火索点燃之前抓住它，防止出现愤怒。如果你失去控制并点燃导火索，让其愤怒情绪爆炸并对一段关系造成无法弥补的损害，或者像亚历山大大帝那样，这只是时间问题。
防止愤怒的一种方法是意识到有些战斗不需要发生。换句话说，为什么要为琐碎的事情争论呢。我不为废话、政治或我的信仰争论。为什么要争论？争论会让对方改变主意吗？我也不这么认为。有一次，我坐在一家星巴克写作，一群女性在谈论政治，她们支持我不支持的观点。其中一人问我给谁投票。我只是回答：“我不讨论政治。”我这样做是因为我知道这种情况很容易爆发愤怒。我决定阻止它。

3. Know That It’s OK To Be Angry.
Anger in itself isn’t wrong or right. What counts is your response to that anger.

知道生气其实没关系。
愤怒本身不分对错。重要的是你对愤怒的反应。

4. Talk To Someone About Your Anger.
As I said above, I have someone I can talk to when I’m upset. She knows me very well and can often get me to a level where I think clearly about the situation. Having someone who can look at the situation from the outside and will tell you the truth is good. If you are in a relationship, the person you need to speak to is whoever you are in a relationship with. It’s best to let them know immediately and not let it linger.
If you are going to communicate your feelings of anger, do so in private. Don’t do it in front of other people, and definitely, don’t put it on social media. It drives me nuts when I see someone who is angry with someone else so they put them on blast on Facebook. What does that prove besides your incredibly high degree of insecurity? I’ve watched a couple argue on an open Facebook post. I’ve also seen people post a status in anger, directly addressing the other person and telling them off? This is a cowardly and childish approach.

和别人谈谈你的愤怒。
正如我上面所说，当我难过的时候，我可以找个人谈谈。她非常了解我，经常能让我清楚地思考。有一个可以从外面看事物并告诉你真相的人是很好的。如果你在谈恋爱，你需要说话的人就是你在谈恋爱的那个人。最好立即让他们知道，不要让愤怒情绪积压。
如果你想表达你的愤怒情绪，请私下进行。不要在别人面前这样做，当然，也不要把它放在社交媒体上。当我看到有人对别人生气，所以他们把这种状态发布在在脸书上时，我都快疯了。除了你难以置信的高度不安全感之外，这证明了什么？我看过一对夫妇在脸书的一个公开帖子上争吵。我还看到人们愤怒地发布状态，直接对其他人说话，然后斥责他们？这是一种懦弱和幼稚的做法。

5. Agree Not To Hurt Each Other And Ask For Help.
I’ve read stories where couples actually make a contract stating that they will not hurt each other out of anger. They agree to not verbally, emotionally, or physically hurt each other. This is something I believe more couples need to do. As a father, I have written an oath that I will never hurt my children out of anger. I know how hurtful words can be, and I’ve brought it upon myself to make certain I never become the type of dad they regret.
If your anger is truly out of control, it may be time to ask for help. Seek counseling, talk to your pastor, There is no shame in asking for help.

同意不要互相伤害并寻求帮助。
我读过这样的故事，夫妻双方实际上签订了一份合同，声明他们不会因为愤怒而伤害对方。他们同意不在口头、情感或身体上伤害对方。我相信更多的夫妇需要这样做。作为一个父亲，我发誓永远不会因为愤怒而伤害我的孩子。我知道言语是多么伤人，我要确保自己永远不会成为会后悔的那个父亲。
如果你的愤怒真的失控了，也许是时候寻求帮助了。寻求咨询，与你的牧师交谈，寻求帮助没有什么丢脸的。