网帖翻译

Michelle Moree
I dont have any friends whether it's real or not real. But I will say that it takes something for me to call someone a friend. You have to have my phone number and text me and want to hang out with me. No one does in my school except for my sister.
I guess I have a weird personality but I dont understand why no one likes me and doesn't want to be my friend. People are always so rude to me even though I have barely ever talked to them. I just dont get it because I'm nice to everyone whether I like them or not, even if they're the “weird" kid.
It's nice being lonely a lot and I dont have to worry about overlapping plans, but I really would like someone to talk to and to hang our with because it just gets sad after a while.
Let's just say I cry a lot.

不管是真的还是假的,我没有朋友。但我要说，对我而言称某人为朋友是很重要的一件事。你必须有我的电话号码，发短信给我以及想和我一起出去玩。但除了我妹妹，在我的学校里没有人这样做。
我想我的性格很古怪，但我不明白为什么没有人喜欢我，也不想成为我的朋友。人们对我总是很粗鲁—尽管我几乎没有和他们说话。但是我就是不明白，因为我对每个人都很好—不管我喜欢与否，即使他们是“古怪”的少年。
经常孤独其实挺好，对此我不必担心计划重叠，但我真的很想有人和我聊天，和我们一起玩，因为过了一段孤独地的时间后会很难过。
这么说吧，我经常哭。

Hope Switon
I texted one of my friends to let him know that I’d be baking Christmas cookies the following day, and to ask if he wanted me to make some extra ones for him. He politely accepted, and asked if I needed help with the baking. We spent hours baking together.
I vented to a martial artist friend when I was approached by creeps. He told me that if they got too close for comfort, I should just text him.
I called a friend to ask if he could help me put up a lamp. He collected his tools and spent hours working the faulty electrics to make it work.
I have friends who will let me rant about whatever guy I’m into that week; friends who will pick up the conversation like no time has passed, three months after the last time we spoke; friends who will help when I have a problem I can’t fix alone; friends who will go out of their way to make me happy.
Yes, I have some real friends. Some good ones.
Do you have any real friends?

我给我的一个朋友发了短信，告诉他我第二天要烤圣诞饼干，并问他是否想让我为他多做一些。他礼貌地接受了，并问我烘烤时是否需要他帮忙。我们一起烤了几个小时。
有变态接近我时，我向一个武术家朋友发泄了一通。他告诉我，如果他们离得太近，我应该给他发短信。
我打电话给一个朋友，问他是否能帮我挂一盏灯。他收集了工具，花了几个小时修理有故障的电器并使它工作。
我有一些朋友，他们会让我对我在那一周遇到的任何人大发雷霆；在我们上次交谈三个月后，这些朋友会像什么都没发生过一样继续交谈；当我遇到自己无法解决的问题时，朋友会帮助我；朋友们会不遗余力地让我快乐。
是的，我有一些真正的朋友，一些很好的朋友。
你有真正的朋友吗？

Uday Singh
My first great friend was an academically superb guy, always topping the class in his test scores, always getting high grades. In fact we do talk nowadays, but very rarely, he’s in another country now. But before shifting to another country, there were many opportunities for us to meet or talk on Skype, but he would always have this excuse that he’s playing with his young brother, and he’s busy, etc.. I couldn’t blame him.
I had another friend at my drama class, he was very cool, very funny by personality. We both got along, we liked exploring, acting together. But I after two years I slowly distanced myself away from him because I felt like I could never take him serious, or he wouldn’t take me serious. I had this impression that he liked playing with feelings. Nowadays we don’t talk at all, he has his life going on, I have mine. We don’t HATE each other, no not at all, we always welcome each other! it’s just, life moves on..

我的第一个好朋友是一个学术上非常优秀的人，考试成绩总是全班第一，成绩总是很高。事实上，我们现在有交谈，但很少，他现在在另一个国家。但在转移到另一个国家之前，我们在Skype上有很多机会见面或交谈，但他总是有这样的借口：他在和弟弟玩，他很忙等等，对此我不能责怪他。
我在戏剧课上还有一个朋友，他很酷，性格很有趣。我们俩相处融洽，我们喜欢探索，一起表演。但两年后，我慢慢地与他疏远，因为我觉得我永远不会把他当回事，或者他不会把我当回事。我觉得他喜欢玩弄感情。现在我们根本不说话，他有自己的生活，我有自己的生活。我们不恨对方，一点也不，我们总是互相欢迎！只是，生活还得继续。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Until September 2017, all my teenage hood since the age of 12, I used to be this guy who… had personality problems. I was very possessive, over thoughtful, constantly insecure and very emotional. In other words, I didn’t have a life, I depended my happiness too much on others, especially on this girl I had an infatuation on. I had an infatuation on a girl for 6 years, since the age of 13. My mid teenage hood was the darkest moment of my life so far…
But now, I’m 19 now I’m happy to say that I’m living happy . That girl I had a severe crush on, she’s across the Atlantic ocean from where I am, we don’t have any contact at all. But I just wish she’s happy, and safe, and living pleasant… I don’t know if I love her or not, but I shouldn’t feel hurt. She never made a promise to me, and didn’t have to. She has her life, I have mine.
Since 2017 September, I changed a lot. I become more self-determined, I started going to the gym, and from there my self-confidence sky-rocketed. I feel very strong nowadays. About friendship, I gained a lot of friends because of the decision to change myself.

直到2017年9月，我从12岁起就一直是一个个性有问题的人。我占有欲很强，过度深思熟虑， 常感不安，情绪很激动。换句话说，我没有自己的生活，我的幸福太依赖别人了，尤其是这个我迷恋的女孩。我从13岁开始迷恋了一个女孩6年。到目前为止，我的青少年时期是我生命中最黑暗的时刻。
但现在，我19岁了，我很高兴地说我活得很开心。我迷恋的那个女孩和我分别在大西洋两岸，我们没有任何联系。但我只希望她幸福，安全，过得愉快，我不知道我是否爱她，但我不应该感到受伤。她从来没有向我许过承诺，也没有必要。她有她的生活，我有我的生活。
自2017年9月以来，我改变了很多。我变得更加自信，我开始去健身房，在那里我的自信心直线上。。我现在感觉很强壮。关于友谊，我收获了很多朋友，因为我决定改变自己。

Scott Murray
The other day I bumped into a good friend of mine while walking the dog. Unfortunately, we don’t see each other as much as we used to, but I suppose that's a natural side-effect of getting older.
He proposed that we go for a few pints later that day.
I’ve been pretty consumed with my current project, and I try to avoid drinking wherever possible, but I know he’s been going through a hard time as of late (and I love beer), so I didn’t hesitate to take him up on the proposition.
I’m glad I did. He filled me in on the unfortunate sequence of events that had unfolded for him in the last few months.
He’s been a tree surgeon in the same firm since he was 16 years old. A few months ago, after finishing a days work, an elderly lady next door asked him and another lad if they could do a quick job in her garden, and she would pay cash.

前几天我在遛狗的时候碰到了我的一个好朋友。不幸的是，我们不再像以前那样经常见面了，但我认为这是变老的自然副作用。
他提议我们那天晚些时候去喝个几品脱。
我一直在忙我现在的项目，我尽量避免喝酒，但我知道他最近经历了一段艰难的时期(我喜欢啤酒)，所以我毫不犹豫地接受了他的提议。
我很高兴我这么做了。他把过去几个月发生在他身上的一连串不幸的事情告诉了我。
他从16岁起就在同一家公司做树木修补专家。几个月前，在完成了一天的工作后，隔壁的一位老太太问他和另一个小伙子是否可以快速去她的花园里工作，她愿意付现金。

They did the job, took the cash, and later found out this was against the rules of the firm and they were sacked immediately. Luckily, he was able to find a new job sharpish, as a courier. New employees don’t have to pay a deposit upfront to use the delivery van, rather the company withholds the first month's pay and withhold it until they are finished with the vehicle.
He didn’t love the job by any means, but it was a job. A few weeks into it, my friend had an unfortunate crash on the motorway. Not only did this mean he lost his deposit, but he also had to go to court as the terms of the insurance were unclear.
At one point, it looked like he may have to pay almost ￡10,000 out of his own pocket.
Luckily the court found that the company was liable to pay instead. Safe to say this was all a very stressful experience, especially so when combined with the fact that he didn’t get paid for any of the work he had done (due to the deposit) and he was struggling to keep his relationship together.

他们做了工作，拿走了现金，后来发现这违反了公司的规定，他们立即被解雇。幸运的是，他找到了一份新工作，作为一名快递员。新员工使用送货车是不需要预付定金的，相反，公司会扣留第一个月的工资，直到它们能抵扣汽车的钱为止。
他一点也不喜欢这份工作，但它确实是一份工作。几周后，我的朋友在高速公路上不幸撞车。这不仅意味着他失去了押金，而且由于保险条款不明确，他还不得提出上诉。
在某一时刻，他似乎不得不自掏腰包支付近1万英镑。
幸运的是，法院发现该公司有赔偿责任。可以肯定地说，这是一次非常有压力的经历，尤其是考虑到他所做的任何工作都没有得到报酬(因为押金)，他还在努力维持他的关系。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

He found another job, this time a groundsman at a local racecourse. The money is good, and they have set him up with an apartment on site for a very reasonable price.
In a bid to make up for lost time and make some extra cash, he started to do weekend work with some old friends who were still in the tree surgery business.
One weekend, a three-story ladder came crashing down and the base collided with his nose. The impact concussed him immediately. When he came to, his arms from the elbow downwards were totally numb. Although he has since managed to recover, the days following were filled with excruciating pain.
Throughout this time, I’ve tried to be there for him as much as I could. Sometimes we would go out for drinks, sometimes we would just stay in, sometimes we would talk, and other times we would just play FIFA with a few beers and escape the world for a bit.

他找到了另一份工作，这次是在当地的一个赛马场做场地管理员。工资很不错，他们已经为他在现场以非常合理的价格提供了一套公寓。
为了弥补失去的时间和赚些额外的钱，他开始和一些仍在做树木修补的老朋友于周末一起工作。
一个周末，一架三层楼高的梯子坠落，底座与他的鼻子相撞。冲击力立即使他受到冲击。当他苏醒过来时，他的手臂从肘部向下完全麻木了。尽管他已经成功康复，但接下来的日子里充满了痛苦。
在这段时间里，我尽我所能在他身边。有时我们会出去喝酒，有时我们会呆在家里，有时我们聊天，其他时候，我们会喝点啤酒玩《FIFA》，暂时逃离这个世界。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Usually, he would be working overtime on the weekends, or sometimes he might simply say he needed his own space.
I kept in close contact with him during these months, but this was the first time we really got deep into everything that had been happening.
Things seem to be looking up for him now, he’s faced each challenge head on and I have more respect for him than perhaps he will ever know. He’s a genuinely great guy.
He asked about me. I told him I'm close to finishing a book which I plan to self-publish and a few other side projects through my social media platform.
Bearing in mind that everyone up until this point, including my friends and family, focused on the worst case scenario -

通常，他会在周末加班，有时他可能只是说他需要自己的空间。
在这几个月里，我一直与他保持密切联系，但这是我们第一次真正深入了解发生的一切。
现在他的情况似乎好转了，他直面了每一个挑战，我尊重他的程度比他可能知道的更甚。他是一个真正伟大的人。
他问起了我，我告诉他我快要完成一本书了，我计划自己出版这本书，并通过我的社交媒体平台完成其他一些项目。
请记住，到目前为止，每个人，包括我的朋友和家人，都专注于最坏的情况

‘You’re wasting your time on Instagram’,
‘What if no one buys your book?’,
‘No one will be interested in your brand’,
‘You should really have a backup plan’
Do you know what my friend said?
‘Mate, that’s incredible! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, I can see it being successful. ’
This man has been through the worst period of his life, and yet, he still encourages a friend to dream.
That’s a real friend.

“你在Instagram上浪费时间”，
“如果没有人买你的书怎么办？”，
“没有人会对你的品牌感兴趣”，
“你真的应该有一个后备计划”
你知道我朋友说了什么吗？
“伙计，这太不可思议了！我不敢相信你没有告诉我，可以预见它会成功。“
这个人经历了他一生中最糟糕的时期，但他仍然鼓励朋友还踹梦想。
这才是真正的朋友。

Franklin Veaux
Yes. Yes, real friends truly exist, but they’re rare, they may not be who you think they are, and a lot of folks who claim they value love and friendship sincerely believe they’re telling the truth—that’s truly, genuinely how they see themselves—but they do so only when it’s easy.
Yes, real friends truly exist, but nobody—including me, including you—knows if their friendship is real until it’s tested. And sometimes, when that happens, you learn something about yourself and the people around you that you perhaps wish you hadn’t.
So Ambrose Bierce, a man whose legendary cynicism has echoed through the centuries, defined “friendship” in The Devil’s Dictionary as:
FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
There’s some truth to that, but it’s a deep truth, not a shallow, “people don’t want to be inconvenienced when friendships become inconvenient” truth.
I mean, yes, there are people who are like that, but they’re less common than you might think. Most people are more like “I truly, genuinely think of myself as deeply committed to my friendships, and I’ll go out of my way to be there for friends in need…but the moment it costs me socially or emotionally, all bets are off.”
Problem is, they don’t know that’s how they feel, and if you ask them they’d deny it with the full sincerity of their hearts. Instead, they’re susceptible to a certain kind of rationalization or justification for abandoning a friend when standing by that friend would cost them something socially.
How do I know?
Because I’ve done that myself.
Okay, here we go.

是的，真正的朋友确实存在，但很罕见，他们可能不是你想象的那样，许多声称他们珍视爱情和友谊的人真诚地相信他们说的是真话——那是他们对自己的真实看法，但他们只在容易的时候才这么做。
是的，真正的朋友确实存在，但包括我在内的任何人都不知道他们的友谊是否是真实的—除非经过考验。有时，当这种情况发生时，你会对自己和周围的人有所了解，而这些也许是你不希望看到的。
因此，安布罗斯·比尔斯（Ambrose Bierce）这个传奇性的愤世嫉俗的人，在《魔鬼词典》中将“友谊”定义为：
友谊，名词，在晴朗的天气里可以载两人，但在恶劣的天气里只能载一人的船。
这是有道理的，但这是一个深刻的事实，而不是肤浅的，事实是“当友谊变得不方便时，人们不想被打扰”。
我的意思是，确实有这样的人，但他们不像你想象的那么普遍。大多数人更是如此：“我真心实意地认为自己对我的友谊是忠诚的，我会尽力去帮助那些需要帮助的朋友，但一旦这让我在社交或情感上付出代价，所有的承诺都不会兑现。”
问题是，他们不知道这是他们的感受，如果你问他们，他们会真心实意地否认。相反，当支持朋友会让他们在社会上付出代价时，他们很容易对抛弃朋友的行为做出某种合理的解释或辩解。
我怎么知道？
因为我自己也这么做过。

The folks for whom friendship is a ship flying a flag of convenience are annoying, sure, but you can spot them easily enough. Their capacity to do damage is limited.
Yeah, some people are selfish. ˉ\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\_(ツ)_/ˉ They see friendship in terms of what they get, not what they give, so as soon as you call on them when it’s inconvenient, you’ll know. And honestly, they’re not very common. Humans are a social species. We, most of us, have a drive to form social bonds.
The real issue is when that drive to social connection is turned against social connection.
The real reason true friends are rare—and a place I’ve fallen down myself, I’m sorry to say—is when the friendship becomes costly not in terms of money or time or attention or emotional labor, but in social standing.
And nobody—I don’t care who you are—knows whether or not you are a true friend until there’s a conflict between friendship and in-group/out-group dynamics. We all like to think that our friendship matters, our friendship is meaningful, we aren’t like those other people whose friendship evaporates like morning dew when put to the test…but no matter how strongly you may believe that about yourself, I guarantee you don’t know the measure of yourself until you hear a narrative that makes someone the bad guy in whatever social circles you inhabit, and sticking by that person costs you something.
So, having said that, do real friends truly exist?
Yes.
Yes, they do.

有些人认为友谊是一艘打着方便的旗号的船，他们确实很烦人，但你很容易就能认出他们。他们的破坏能力是有限的。
是的，有些人是自私的。他们看友谊是看可以得到什么，而不是看可以给予什么，所以当你在不方便的时候去拜访他们，你就会看明白的。老实说，它们并不常见。人类是社会性物种。我们大多数人都有建立社会关系的动力。
当这种社会联系的驱动力变成抵触社会联系时，就会出现真正的问题。
我很抱歉，真正的朋友很少，我自己也陷入了这样的境地，真正的原因是当友谊变得昂贵时，不是金钱、时间、注意力或情感劳动，而是社会地位。
没有人知道你是否是真正的朋友，我不在乎你是谁，直到友谊和群体内/群体外的动态发生冲突。我们都喜欢认为我们的友谊很重要，我们的友谊是有意义的，我们不像其他人，他们的友谊在经受考验时会像晨露一样蒸发，但无论你多么相信自己，我敢保证，除非你听到这样一种说法:在你所在的任何社交圈里，某人都是坏人，而坚持那个人会让你付出一些代价，否则你不会知道自己是如何衡量自己的。
话虽如此，真正的朋友真的存在吗？
对
是的，他们存在。

Real friends truly exist, but you probably will never know who they are until and unless your friendship is put to the test. And the answer might surprise you. Sometimes, the people in your inner circle, the ones you would most swear you could rely on through thick and thin, turn out to be the first to turn away. And sometimes, people who were on the periphery of your social circle, the ones you know in passing but have never shared more than perhaps a cup of beer (or tea) with, turn out to be the people whose friendship is forged in iron.
I have been incredibly gratified myself to have learned recently who the real friends in my own circle are, and they haven’t always been who I expected them to be.
That’s the thing: You can’t know the value of anyone’s friendship—not your own, not other people’s—until it’s put to the test.
We all of us, every day, every one of us without exception—yes, even you—carry around in our head a moral calculus, a scale that weighs the measure of our personal connection against the cost required to maintain them. And you don’t know, you can’t know, which way your own scales will tip until remaining friends with someone costs you something.
If you can’t know the measure of your own friendship until it’s tested, how can you know the value of anyone else’s?
When you do abandon your friends, which I guarantee in the right circumstances you will, it’s not even something you’ll be aware you’re doing.
You probably won’t tell yourself “this friendship just isn’t worth it any more.” Few people are that cold-blooded.

真正的朋友确实存在，但你可能永远不会知道他们是谁，除非你的友谊受到考验。答案可能会让你惊讶。有时候，你的核心圈子里的人，那些你发誓无论如何都可以信赖的人，竟然是第一个离开的人。有时候，那些在你的社交圈边缘的人，那些你偶然认识但只分享过一杯啤酒(或茶)的人，竟然是那些友谊如铁一般牢固的人。
最近，我发现了自己圈子里真正的朋友是谁，而他们并不总是我所期望的那种人，这让我感到非常欣慰
这就是问题所在:你不可能知道任何人的友谊的价值——无论是你自己的，还是别人的——直到它经受考验。
我们所有人，每一天，我们每个人无一例外——是的，甚至你——在我们的头脑中都有一个道德计算，一个衡量我们的人际关系与维持它们所需成本的尺度。你不知道，你不可能知道，你自己的天平会朝哪个方向倾斜，直到和某人做朋友让你付出代价。
如果你在测试之前无法知道自己友谊的衡量标准，你怎么会知道别人友谊的价值呢？
当你抛弃你的朋友时，我保证在适当的情况下你会这样做，你甚至不会意识到你在做什么。
你可能不会告诉自己“这段友谊不再值得了。”很少有人这么冷血。

Instead, you’ll tell yourself that the narrative you’ve heard must be true. Even if it contradicts your own experience of that person. You won’t look too closely at the holes in the narrative. You won’t do the work. Why would you? It’s easier and less costly not to.
If you’re reading this and you’re older than your mid-20s, I’ll bet that, if you take a hard, unflinching look at your own past, there’s probably been a time when you’ve done it, too.
“Did you hear? So-and-so is a bad person. Look at this terrible thing they’ve done!” When the terrible thing is one of the things that rests on the in-group/out-group boundary of whatever social circle you inhabit, this is a pretty compelling reason not to examine the narrative too closely. Which is why narratives are so easy to weaponize: when you create a situation where remaining by someone is socially expensive, you need only the flimsiest of narratives to justify abandoning that person, because people will want to believe it—even if the story you tell is inconsistent or doesn’t fit with the facts—because people will look for reasons to take the easy way out while still thinking of themselves as “good people” whose friendship means something.
The folks who do this aren’t evil, they’re just human. We are a social species. Social censure is a powerful tool for enforcing conformity.
real friends truly exist…but they might not be who you think they are. And you might not be one yourself, no matter how much you may tell yourself you are.

相反，你会告诉自己，你听到的故事必须是真实的。即使这与你自己对那个人的经历的认知相矛盾。你不会太仔细地看叙述中的漏洞。你不会做这项工作的。为什么你会如此呢?不这样做更容易，成本也更低。
如果你正在读这篇帖子，而且你的年龄超过了20多岁，我敢打赌，如果你认真、坚定地审视自己的过去，你可能也曾有过这样的经历。
“你听说了吗？某某人是个坏人。看看他们做的这件可怕的事！”当可怕的事情存在于你所处的社交圈的内/外边界时，这便是我们不需要过于仔细地审视故事的理由。不必过于仔细地审视叙事。这就是为什么叙事很容易武器化：当你创造了一种情况，让某人留下来的代价是高昂的，你只需要最不堪一击的叙事来为抛弃那个人辩护，因为人们会想要相信——即使你讲的故事不一致或与事实不符——因为人们会寻找理由走简单的路，同时仍然认为自己是“好人”，他们的友谊是有意义的。
真正的朋友确实存在，但他们可能不是你想象的那样。不管你告诉自己你就是那种人，实际上你自己可能也不是那种人。

Mike Lloret
I have a handful of close friends, two of them very close, perhaps a dozen fairly close friends, and hundreds of acquaintances.
Recent health issues, followed by the COVID-19 constraints, have conspired to prevent me from seeing most of them in person for quite some time now.
One of my close friends, however, whom I’ve known for around 25 years, did pay me a visit recently, for several hours in the middle of a 120+ km bicycle ride he undertook. It was great to see him in person again after two years or so.

我有几个亲密的朋友，其中两个非常亲密，也许还有十几个相当亲密的朋友和几百个熟人。
最近遇到健康问题，再加上新冠肺炎的限制，让我在很长一段时间内无法见到他们中的大多数人。
然而，我的一位密友，我认识他25年了，最近来拜访了我，他花了几个小时骑了120多公里。两年后再次见到他本人真是太好了。

Sindhu Reddy
For me friendship is believing in eachother, supporting one another, growing together. One real friend is better than having 100 fake friends. Being an introvert, I can count my friends on my finger tips. I've very less number of friends but no worries, I'm more happier this way.
I've a bestfriend who's really close to me. Though we don't speak everyday, we still share everything without missing a bit. Whenever I feel low, she encourages me and makes me feel good. And so do I.

对我来说，友谊是相互信任，相互支持，共同成长。一个真朋友胜过一百个假朋友。作为一个内向的人，我的朋友屈指可数。我的朋友很少，但不用担心，这样我更快乐。
我有一个非常亲近的好朋友。虽然我们不是每天都说话，但我们仍然分享着一切，无有遗漏。每当我情绪低落时，她都鼓励我，这让我感觉良好，反过来我也如此。