什么工作屁用没有?
2023-03-03 Kira_Yoshikage 7564
正文翻译

What job is useless?

什么工作屁用没有?

评论翻译
fallenapeach
My very first job. I'm a toxicologist and was hired by a very big private laboratory. My main job was to sort and redirect case files depending on the time at which the results came out.

我的第一份工作。我是一名毒理学家,曾经被一个非常大规模的私有企业公司雇佣。我的主要职务就是根据检测结果出来的时间,把案例文件做好分类。

THE DOCUMENTS WERE SENT TO ME IN EXCEL.

那些文件都是直接以excel表格的形式发送给我的。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


I was getting paid to just click sort by date descendingly.

所以他们给我钱,就是为了让我点一下“按照时间降序排列”。

caveinevitable
I had to do something similar to this when I was doing summer help at a steel factory. They paid me $14 an hour to sit there for eight hours and just move files to different folders and rename them. Sometimes I would pull weeds and paint walls, but that was about it.

我暑假在一个钢厂帮工的时候也做过类似的事情。他们给我开14美元一小时的工资,让我在那里坐8个小时,把文件移动到不同的文件夹里重命名一下。有时我可能也拔点杂草,漆一漆墙,但也就这样了。

nowake
Worked at a steel factory too, in their lab, during their busy shift over night while power was cheaper. The furnaces would send samples to the lab for testing, and about 15 minutes later would get back chemical composition. The lab and the furnaces were separated by 5 floors and 1500 feet, and we communicated by pneumatic tube.

我曾经也在钢厂工作过,在他们的实验室里,而且是在晚上电力比较廉价的忙班时候。炼钢炉会把样品送到实验室来,大概15分钟之后实验室把化学组分送回去。实验室和炼钢炉之间距离五层楼,1500英尺,我们通过气动管互相交流。

If the furnace was having problems, the lab had nothing to test. BUT, I had to be ready at any moment to receive a sample and run my tests.

如果炉子出问题了,实验室就没什么东西需要测试。但是,我必须无论任何时候都准备好接受样本进行测试。

I would say that out of 2080 hours in a year, I 'worked' about 80 of them. I really should have learned guitar, or another language or something... Instead, I played a lot of candy crush.

要我说,在那一年的2080的工时里,我一共“工作”了大概80个小时。我或许真的应该学个吉他,或者另一门语言之类的……但是我玩了好久的消消乐。

turrenx
Working for a big company, one of the top 20 in the world, I am realising how bad people are with basic computer tasks… like really bad!

曾经在一个大公司工作过,世界前20的那种,我才发现有多少人连最基本的计算机技术都不懂……特别特别基础的都不懂!

xdq
I'm in IT and I once watched my manager open Internet Explorer to search Bing for Google, then search Google for Google maps... to then search for a location.

我在IT行业工作,我曾经见过我的经理有一次打开IE用必应搜索谷歌,然后再用谷歌搜索谷歌地图……然后再找一个地理位置。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


SynysterM3L
My friend's late father would send 'texts' by grabbing a piece of paper, writing whatever he wanted to say, taking a picture of what he wrote, and sending that image through MMS. Why he never just typed it, no one knows.

我朋友过世的父亲发“短信”的方式是拿一张纸,把他想写的东西都写上去,然后拍一张照片,用多媒体短信发出去。至于他为什么不直接打字,没人知道。

LemonPepperGood
My mom used to ground me by taking my mouse away from my computer, thinking it would stop me from using it.

我妈妈曾经喜欢把我的鼠标从电脑上拔下来,以为这样就能罚我玩不了电脑。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


I got GOOD, and I mean really good, at navigating desktop using keyboard commands and shortcuts

结果我变得特别特别擅长用键盘和快捷键操作桌面。

20 years later and people think I'm a good on computer at work because of it lmao

20年过去了,现在人们都因此觉得我特别擅长用电脑工作哈哈哈哈

Belozersk
I took a job scheduling residential HVAC technicians for a mid-sized company after a few years of working in the field. A few months in, the company ended its residential program to focus on commercial.

在领域内干了几年之后,我找了一家中等大小的公司,给家用领域的暖通空调技师排班。几个月之后,公司把家用领域方向的业务结束了,专注于商用业务。

Thing is, they already had commercial schedulers. My boss told me she'd find me a new roll, but then she took another job elsewhere and left.

问题在于,他们已经有商业领域的排班人员了。我老板跟我说,她要给我找份新的岗位,但之后她自己也在别的地方找了份工作走人了。

I stayed as a scheduler with no one to schedule in a department that no longer existed. No one in the office seemed to realize this, and for over half a decade, I would show up, make friendly conversation in the breakroom while making my coffee, and then literally just did nothing the rest of the day. Having left a stressful job, it was glorious.

我留在一个不存在的部门给人排班,却根本没有人可以排。办公室里好像根本没有人意识到这一点,于是在接下来的五六年里,我每天都按时上班,在茶水间里一边煮咖啡一边友好地跟别人交谈,然后这一天啥也不干。离开了一份压力巨大的工作,我非常开心。

Occasionally someone would ask me an hvac or system-related question over email, and that was it. I made sure everyone liked me by bringing in bagels every Monday and donuts every Friday.

偶尔有人会用电子邮件问我一些与暖通空调或者系统有关的问题。

Then covid happened and now I was doing nothing at home!

然后新冠就来了,现在我待在家里,什么都做不了!
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


When I learned the company was being sold, I figured I wouldn't tempt fate anymore and applied elsewhere. My department head gave a glowing recommendation, having no idea what I even did but knowing I was friendly and helped him jump his car a few times.

等到我知道公司被卖了之后,我觉得自己还是不应该再试探命运了,就找了个别的地方申请工作。我的部门领导给了我一份非常亮眼的推荐信,虽然他根本不知道我是干啥的,只知道我人挺好,并且帮他修过几次车。

TLDR: The department I was adminning was downsized, but they forgot about me and I essentially took a six year paid vacation.

太长不看:我所管理的部门被精简了,但是他们把我给忘了,于是我就放了个六年的带薪假期。

Recovery25
This reminds me of some Reddit post I read a while back where something similar happened to someone else. They basically broke their leg or something like that.

这让我想起了好久一阵子之前我曾经读过的一个reddit帖子,类似的事情发生在了别人身上。他好像是摔断了腿之类的。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


The company had a little remote office, like basic one room or something, close to this guy's home. The company offered for the guy to work there until his leg was healed.

那个公司有一间小的远程办公室,差不多就是一间房间之类的,离这家伙的家挺近的。公司就让这家伙去小办公室工作,等到他的腿好了再说。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


Guy is working there when his whole department gets shuttered. Almost the whole department, including his department head and managers, all get laid off or transferred. The OP in the whole thing basically got forgotten about, and eventually, he stops getting work sent his way.

哥们在那边工作的时候,他的整个部门都被关停了。部门里的几乎所有人,包括他的部门领导和经理,全都要么离职,要么调岗了。但是楼主在这件事里完全被人给忘了,于是到最后,就没有工作送给他了。

It got to the point where the guy was setting up his console in this office and playing video games, or his girlfriend was showing up, and they would have sex.

到最后这家伙干脆把游戏机摆到了这个办公室里打游戏,偶尔他女朋友也会过来,两个人就在里面打炮。

I think he eventually realized it was best if he did something productive and used the time to take online classes so he could get another degree or whatever. The dude finally finished his degree and applied for a well paying job at another company.

我觉得他可能是到最后发现了,拿这份时间干点有意义的事情更好,于是他去上了网课,拿了别的学位什么的。这哥们最后拿到了学位,在另一个公司找了一份薪水很好的工作。

It was finally when he submitted his two weeks notice that someone higher up finally realized something was fishy. They were asking him what exactly he did for the company, and when they eventually started piecing together what kind of happened, they were threatening to sue him for scamming the company. The whole thing was crazy.

在提前两个星期提交了预离职之后,上面有个人终于发现哪里不对劲了。他们开始问这哥们到底在公司干了什么,于是当他们慢慢拼凑出事情的全貌之后,他们就威胁他要因为诈骗公司而起诉。整件事都很疯狂。

ClownfishSoup
Similar, but different story happened to my company. It's similar in that "someone forgot".

我也有个类似但不完全一样的故事。也是那种“有人忘了”的故事。

We had an office somewhere, I think it was in Florida or something. Anyway, we have offices everywhere and the decision was made to lay everyone off at this office and close it.

我们在别的地方有个办公室,我记得是佛罗里达还是哪儿。总而言之,我们到处都有办公室,然后有人决定把那个办公室关掉,辞掉当地的员工。

So one day, everyone is told what happened and 2 weeks later people say their goodbyes and go home. Lights are left on, computers are running, printers are on. Just like you left for the day, but you don't come back.

于是有一天,大家都得知了发生什么事,过了两个星期大家就互相告别之后离开了。灯还亮着,电脑还开着,打印机也开着。就好像你今天下班走人了,但是第二天再也没回来。

A year later, an accountant realizes that even though the office was "closed", we were still paying rent and utilities on this building because EVERYONE in that office was laid off, including the facilities department and everyone there just assumed someone else was in charge of shutting down the office.

一年之后,一个会计才意识到,就算办公室已经“关了”,我们仍然在给这栋房子交租金和水电费,因为那个办公室的所有人都离职了,包括设备部门,而且每个人都以为有别人负责关停办公室这件事。

NethrixTheSecond
My math teacher who tells me to log in to Pearson and then disappears

我的那个数学老师,教会了我怎么登陆Pearson(译注:网课教育平台)之后就消失了。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


303Devilfish
I dropped a university class this term because the week 3 assignment said to "look up how to do this on Google, Stackexchange, or ChatGPT"

我这学期退了一门课,因为这门课第三周的作业说的是“去谷歌,StackExchange或者ChatGPT上搜一下怎么做”。

I'm not paying 1400 dollars to be taught by an ai chat bot lmao

我花1400美元可不是为了让一个人工智能聊天机器人给我上课的。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


Carl_Clegg
An elevator attendant.

电梯服务员。

“First floor sir? I’ll press button number 1 for you.”

“一层吗先生?我来为您按按钮吧。”

(Does anywhere still have these guys or is it just an old movies thing?)

(还有地方雇这种人吗?还是说只有老电影里才有了?)

Penguin_Dreams
I’m so old I remember when they had these in department stores. Whilst shopping with my grandma one day we got in an elevator and the attendant asked if we wanted the second floor. My grandma replies, “why yes, how did you know?” He says, “ma’am, there’s only two floors, and we’re currently on the first one.”

我看来是太老了,我还记得他们在商场里雇这些人的日子。有一天跟我奶奶逛商场的时候,我们走进了一个电梯,服务员问我们是不是要上二楼。我奶奶说,“噢哟当然是了,您怎么知道的?”他说,“女士,这栋楼一共就两层楼,我们现在在一层。”

digitalmofo
The lady who walks around the office saying "Don't be on your phones, if you have time for that then you can study about the company!"

那个在办公室里一边走来走去一边说,“别光顾着看手机,有时间看手机就研究研究公司!”的女士。

Same lady that is pushing hard to go back in the office, because remote work pointed out how useless that position is.

那位女士正在非常急迫地要求我们回到办公室办公,因为居家办公证明了她的这份岗位有多没用。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


LucasBN2
Pet Psychic. Our Golden Retriever was getting joint therapy (shoulder injury, worked with a vet, dog did swimming three days a week in a heated pool where he could exercise without putting weight on the joint, also did some exercises, is now fine. The place also did laser therapy and acupuncture for dogs.) Someone said something about 'Hudson' which is our dog's name only they were talking to another dog. 'Oh,' they said, 'That's the dog psychic's dog.' Apparently you could find out what your dog was thinking.

宠物心理治疗师。我们家的金毛在做关节护理(肩关节受伤,联系了一个兽医,狗子每星期去一个带加热的游泳池里游三天泳,这样就能在关节不承受重量的前提下锻炼,他也做了别的锻炼,现在没事了。这家医院还给狗做激光诊疗和针灸。)我听见有人说“哈德逊”,我们家狗就叫这个名字,但他们显然在指另一条狗。“噢,”他们说,“那是宠物心理治疗师的狗。”显然你能看出来你家狗在想什么。

I know what my dog is thinking. Most of the time he either wants what I'm eating or he wants me to throw the ball.

我当然知道我家狗在想什么。绝大多数时候他要么想吃我吃的东西,要么想让我扔球。

dmatred501
Used to know a lady in Nevada who was a pet medium. She would typically charge folks about $150-$200 per hour and would be the "medium" between the people and their deceased pets.

之前认识住在内华达的一个女士,是个宠物“沟通人”。她会收别人大概每小时150-200美元的钱,然后给主人和他们过世的宠物当“灵媒”。

Now before you call her a terrible person for taking advantage of folks during a tragic loss in their life, I'll mention that I listened in on a couple of her phone calls and she was essentially being a grief counselor for these people. People would usually pour their heart out to her telling her that they felt like they didn't do enough to save their pet, and she'd reassure them that they did all that they could and that their pets knew that the owner loved them. She'd also encourage the owners to adopt new animals in their place because there's lots of animals out there who need the same love that the owner gave to the deceased animal. It really was a sweet thing.

先别急着骂她是个占别人便宜的烂人,我得说一句,我听过她的几次电话,她其实是在给这些人当发泄悲痛的对象。人们经常会把自己的感受说出来,觉得自己在救治宠物的过程中没有竭尽全力,然后她就会向他们保证说他们已经做到了自己能做的最好的事,他们的宠物也知道主人爱着他们。她还会鼓励主人去领养新的宠物,因为有很多动物需要爱,就像主人曾经给过去世的动物一样的爱。其实真的挺感人的

17s82
Shop security - in most cases, they can’t legally do anything but just watch

商场保安——在绝大多数情况下,他们从法律上除了站在旁边看着之外,什么都做不了。

courtknxx
Depends on the type of security they invest in. Security guards who stand at the door all day in a uniform - yes you're right, in most cases they're used as a deterrent.

取决于他们雇的是哪种保安。那些一整天都站在门口穿制服的保安,就是你说的那种。绝大多数情况下,他们都是只起到震慑作用的。

However, store detectives go undercover and try to blend in with other customers (in their own clothes, browsing stock and carrying a basket/trolley) so that they go unnoticed. Those people are allowed to tackle shoplifters and actually do something about it.

然而,也有一些商场保安是便衣,他们会混进其他消费者里(穿自己的衣服,在货架上走来走去,拿着个篮子或者推着车),这样就没人看得见了。这些人是有权利阻止偷东西的人,真正干点事情的。
原创翻译:龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处


Modest_Lion
I read somewhere that Walmart don’t stop shoplifters. They record the shoplifter and document how much they stole. If the dollar amount is above a certain threshold (from that swipe, plus the other swipes before it), they will send police to your address (most likely obtained by previously used credit cards and license plates) on another day

我在有个地方看见说沃尔玛是不会阻止那些偷东西的人的。他们会把偷的东西给记录下来,如果偷走的钱超过了一定的额度(这次偷的,和之前几次偷的加起来),他们就会改天把警察派到你家门口去(地址很有可能是通过之前用过的信用卡和车牌照得知的)

punkwalrus
While it's a billion dollar industry, health insurance. Literally the exist to prevent you from cashing out on what you paid into. They have little to no medical knowledge, make everything more expensive, and exist solely as a useless middleman to make themselves rich.

尽管是个数十亿美元的产业,但我还是要说人寿保险行业。这个行业的存在就是为了不让你把你存进去的钱给取出来。他们几乎没有任何医疗知识,只会让一切都变得更贵,他们存在就是为了当一群屁用没有的中间人,只想把自己的腰包弄肥。

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