你是如何处理那些你深爱着却又吵吵闹闹的亲戚关系的?（一）
正文翻译
How do you handle relatives who are at each others throats and you dearly love them?
你是如何处理那些你深爱着却又吵吵闹闹的亲戚关系的?
How do you handle relatives who are at each others throats and you dearly love them?
你是如何处理那些你深爱着却又吵吵闹闹的亲戚关系的?
评论翻译
Patty Hearst
This question is very difficult because it is unclear what all the fighting is about. There are just some conflicts you cannot help resolve, and family conflicts often fall into this category. Also, how you handle conflict as a third-party or as someone outside of the conflict will have a direct impact on the conflict. Also, you haven’t said which family members are at odds. When it comes to siblings and their rivalries, you may as well be dealing with Israel and Palestine. When it comes to parents, then you may as well be dealing with the USSR and the USA during the Cold War. You could call a “family conference” and see if you can get the warring factions to sit down, air their grievances, and sort them out enough to at least get to detente. However, if you’re in a family like many families that experience serious conflicts and disconnection, the fighting may simply be battles that have festered and grown over the years and that were never addressed and resolved when they first began. Unfortunately, conflict is easy, while peace is often nigh impossible. You could simply choose to ignore the conflicts, make no negative comments about anyone involved, spend time with your family members separately, and encourage each person to sit down and talk to each other.
这个问题不好回答，因为不清楚所有的争吵是与什么有关。有一些冲突是你完全无法帮助解决的，而家庭冲突往往属于这一类。此外，作为第三方或冲突之外的人处理冲突的方式将对冲突产生直接影响。此外，你还没有说哪些家庭成员意见相左。当涉及到兄弟姐妹之间的对抗关系时，处理他们之间的关心与处理以色列和巴勒斯坦的关系一样。当处理父母之间的关系时，就和处理冷战时期的苏联和美国的关系一样。你可以召开一次“家庭会议”，看看是否能让各方坐下来，表达他们的不满，并解决他们的问题，至少要达到缓和目的。然而，如果你所在的家庭关系和许多家庭一样，历经严重的冲突后变得疏远，那么争吵可能只是多年来不断恶化和升级导致的争斗，而这些争斗从一开始就没有得到解决。不幸的是，冲突很容易发生，而和平几乎是不可能的。你可以简单地选择忽略冲突，不对任何相关人员发表负面评论，单独与家人共度时光，并鼓励大家坐下来相互交谈。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
This question is very difficult because it is unclear what all the fighting is about. There are just some conflicts you cannot help resolve, and family conflicts often fall into this category. Also, how you handle conflict as a third-party or as someone outside of the conflict will have a direct impact on the conflict. Also, you haven’t said which family members are at odds. When it comes to siblings and their rivalries, you may as well be dealing with Israel and Palestine. When it comes to parents, then you may as well be dealing with the USSR and the USA during the Cold War. You could call a “family conference” and see if you can get the warring factions to sit down, air their grievances, and sort them out enough to at least get to detente. However, if you’re in a family like many families that experience serious conflicts and disconnection, the fighting may simply be battles that have festered and grown over the years and that were never addressed and resolved when they first began. Unfortunately, conflict is easy, while peace is often nigh impossible. You could simply choose to ignore the conflicts, make no negative comments about anyone involved, spend time with your family members separately, and encourage each person to sit down and talk to each other.
这个问题不好回答，因为不清楚所有的争吵是与什么有关。有一些冲突是你完全无法帮助解决的，而家庭冲突往往属于这一类。此外，作为第三方或冲突之外的人处理冲突的方式将对冲突产生直接影响。此外，你还没有说哪些家庭成员意见相左。当涉及到兄弟姐妹之间的对抗关系时，处理他们之间的关心与处理以色列和巴勒斯坦的关系一样。当处理父母之间的关系时，就和处理冷战时期的苏联和美国的关系一样。你可以召开一次“家庭会议”，看看是否能让各方坐下来，表达他们的不满，并解决他们的问题，至少要达到缓和目的。然而，如果你所在的家庭关系和许多家庭一样，历经严重的冲突后变得疏远，那么争吵可能只是多年来不断恶化和升级导致的争斗，而这些争斗从一开始就没有得到解决。不幸的是，冲突很容易发生，而和平几乎是不可能的。你可以简单地选择忽略冲突，不对任何相关人员发表负面评论，单独与家人共度时光，并鼓励大家坐下来相互交谈。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Also, never make any negative comments to anyone in the family about anyone else in the family and absolutely, positively never make any statements that suggest everyone is wrong or that everyone has done something wrong. Listen (as much as you can) to what each person says about the other and try to get at the root of what may be the problem. If your sister says, “our brother hates me” don’t argue with her and say he doesn’t or say anything to the effect of “why can’t you two just get along?” or “why do you two have to live this way?” Obviously, if they could get along they would. Ask her to tell you specifically what he may have said or done that makes her believe what she believes and then really listen to her response. You want to be supportive of each person and encourage the genuine sharing of feelings in order to understand the conflict. Sometimes understanding a conflict as an outsider is much more important than actually resolving it because then you may be able to share your insights in a way that helps each person come to his or her own resolution. Then again, depending on the people involved, you may just want to say nothing at all and hope for the best. The last thing you want to do is inadvertently start your own family conflict because of something you said that gets taken out of context or misinterpreted! Oye! Good Luck.
此外，永远不要对家里的任何人说任何关于家里其他人的负面评论，绝对不要说任何暗示大家都错了或者大家都做错了之类的言论。（尽可能多地）倾听每个人对对方的评价，并试图找出问题的根源。如果你姐姐说“我们的哥哥恨我”，不要和她争论，说他没有恨你，或者说“你们俩为什么不能好好相处?”或者“你们两个为什么要这样生活?””显然，如果他们能相处，他们会的。让她具体告诉你他可能说过什么或做了什么，让她相信自己的想法，然后认真倾听她的回答。你要支持每一个人，鼓励他们真诚地分享自己的感受，这样才能理解冲突。有时，作为局外人理解冲突比实际解决冲突重要得多，因为这样你就可以分享你的见解，帮助每个人找到自己的解决方案。再说一遍，根据相关人员的不同，你可能什么都不想说，希望一切都好。你最不想做的就是因为你说的话被断章取义或被误解而无意中引发家庭冲突!哦 !祝你好运。
此外，永远不要对家里的任何人说任何关于家里其他人的负面评论，绝对不要说任何暗示大家都错了或者大家都做错了之类的言论。（尽可能多地）倾听每个人对对方的评价，并试图找出问题的根源。如果你姐姐说“我们的哥哥恨我”，不要和她争论，说他没有恨你，或者说“你们俩为什么不能好好相处?”或者“你们两个为什么要这样生活?””显然，如果他们能相处，他们会的。让她具体告诉你他可能说过什么或做了什么，让她相信自己的想法，然后认真倾听她的回答。你要支持每一个人，鼓励他们真诚地分享自己的感受，这样才能理解冲突。有时，作为局外人理解冲突比实际解决冲突重要得多，因为这样你就可以分享你的见解，帮助每个人找到自己的解决方案。再说一遍，根据相关人员的不同，你可能什么都不想说，希望一切都好。你最不想做的就是因为你说的话被断章取义或被误解而无意中引发家庭冲突!哦 !祝你好运。
Rama G
How do you manage your relatives?
I have my own style.
My Fil was a very very very sweet person. Can not say ‘no' to anyone. So for many people he gave financial surety signatures and finally ended up paying.
After our marriage my MGM lion ( mil) warned me and gave all the powers to stop my husband if he continues his dad's legacy.
my Fil had one more habit. Who ever comes to Bangalore he will give them our address. But they come and stay in our house for days together.
We were financially having some tough period that time. We were Young, naive, we don't know eachother well since it's arranged marriage, single bedroom flat, adding to that these herds of relatives. I didn't know much cooking. No maid help. Just married. May be for some twenty days we were free after our marriage. That's it.
Half of them never saw us before.
After one month when we told this to my mil she became furious. Gave full freedom to me to chase them unless they are our immediate family members or maternal or paternal close relatives which we know for years.
The luck is there were no cellphones, no landline. So they used to come only with one address slip.
你是如何管理你与亲戚的关系？
我有自己的风格。
我的菲尔（Fil ）是一个非常非常善良的人。不能对任何人说“不”。因此，对于许多人来说，他做了财务担保签字，最终还是付出了代价。
我们结婚后，我的MGM lion（婆婆）警告我，如果我丈夫继续继承他父亲的“遗产”，我会全权阻止他。
我的菲尔还有一个习惯。谁来班加罗尔，他都会告诉他们我们的地址。但是他们会来我们家一起呆上几天。
那段时间我们的财务状况很艰难。我们年轻，天真，我们不太了解彼此，因为我们是包办婚姻，住单身公寓，再加上这群亲戚。我不太懂烹饪。没有女仆帮忙。就结婚了。婚后大概有二十天左右我们是自由自在的，就是这样。
他们中有一半人以前从未见过我们。
一个月后，当我们把这件事告诉我的婆婆时，她勃然大怒。给了我充分的自由来赶走他们，除非他们是我们的直系亲属或我们认识多年的父母近亲。
幸运的是那里没有手机，没有座机。所以他们过去只带着一张地址条。
How do you manage your relatives?
I have my own style.
My Fil was a very very very sweet person. Can not say ‘no' to anyone. So for many people he gave financial surety signatures and finally ended up paying.
After our marriage my MGM lion ( mil) warned me and gave all the powers to stop my husband if he continues his dad's legacy.
my Fil had one more habit. Who ever comes to Bangalore he will give them our address. But they come and stay in our house for days together.
We were financially having some tough period that time. We were Young, naive, we don't know eachother well since it's arranged marriage, single bedroom flat, adding to that these herds of relatives. I didn't know much cooking. No maid help. Just married. May be for some twenty days we were free after our marriage. That's it.
Half of them never saw us before.
After one month when we told this to my mil she became furious. Gave full freedom to me to chase them unless they are our immediate family members or maternal or paternal close relatives which we know for years.
The luck is there were no cellphones, no landline. So they used to come only with one address slip.
你是如何管理你与亲戚的关系？
我有自己的风格。
我的菲尔（Fil ）是一个非常非常善良的人。不能对任何人说“不”。因此，对于许多人来说，他做了财务担保签字，最终还是付出了代价。
我们结婚后，我的MGM lion（婆婆）警告我，如果我丈夫继续继承他父亲的“遗产”，我会全权阻止他。
我的菲尔还有一个习惯。谁来班加罗尔，他都会告诉他们我们的地址。但是他们会来我们家一起呆上几天。
那段时间我们的财务状况很艰难。我们年轻，天真，我们不太了解彼此，因为我们是包办婚姻，住单身公寓，再加上这群亲戚。我不太懂烹饪。没有女仆帮忙。就结婚了。婚后大概有二十天左右我们是自由自在的，就是这样。
他们中有一半人以前从未见过我们。
一个月后，当我们把这件事告诉我的婆婆时，她勃然大怒。给了我充分的自由来赶走他们，除非他们是我们的直系亲属或我们认识多年的父母近亲。
幸运的是那里没有手机，没有座机。所以他们过去只带着一张地址条。
My Fil also felt bad for their behaviour. Explained us he is worried since we are far away from them. He told them to visit us if possible, never told them to stay. But didn't stop giving our address. It's his weakness.
But few relatives are like blood tasted mosquitos. They really needed repellents.
Even when I say my husband is not in station, they won't mind staying saying you are like our daughter'!
It became such an extreme, one couple came and did their daughter's engagement in our house in a small scale. Literally I ended up sleeping in kitchen, my husband in a corner of the hall. Don't ask about my provisions, soaps, and other things. We don't have geyser. So to everyone I have to boil water with electrical coil and got a huge electricity bill. I became their official cook. Maid.
I got fed up and asked my husband's permission to chase them away because all these betallions are from his side. He too got fed up.
I assured except his important people remaining are selfish money saving gang taking advantage of his dad and us. So nothing wrong teaching them a lesson.
我的菲尔也因他们的行为而感到不悦。他向我们解释说他很担心，因为我们离他们很远。他告诉他们如果可能的话来找我们，但从未要求他们留下来。但没有停止提供我们的地址这个举动，这是他的弱点。
但少数亲戚像尝过血的蚊子一样，对付他们真的需要用到“驱虫剂”了。
即使我说我丈夫没在，他们没脸没皮留下来说“你就像我们的女儿”一样！
事情变得如此极端，一对夫妇来我们家小范围地举行他们女儿的订婚仪式。实际上，我睡在厨房里，我丈夫睡在大厅的一角。更不要说我们的食物、肥皂和其他东西了。我们没有热水器。所以我必须用热得快烧水，并收到巨额电费账单。我成了他们的正式厨师和女仆。
我受够了，征求我丈夫的同意，把他们赶走，因为这些人都是他那边的亲戚，他也受够了。
我敢肯定，除了他那边的关键亲戚，其余那些人都是群自私的小气鬼——利用他爸爸和我们，所以给他们个教训没什么不对的。
But few relatives are like blood tasted mosquitos. They really needed repellents.
Even when I say my husband is not in station, they won't mind staying saying you are like our daughter'!
It became such an extreme, one couple came and did their daughter's engagement in our house in a small scale. Literally I ended up sleeping in kitchen, my husband in a corner of the hall. Don't ask about my provisions, soaps, and other things. We don't have geyser. So to everyone I have to boil water with electrical coil and got a huge electricity bill. I became their official cook. Maid.
I got fed up and asked my husband's permission to chase them away because all these betallions are from his side. He too got fed up.
I assured except his important people remaining are selfish money saving gang taking advantage of his dad and us. So nothing wrong teaching them a lesson.
我的菲尔也因他们的行为而感到不悦。他向我们解释说他很担心，因为我们离他们很远。他告诉他们如果可能的话来找我们，但从未要求他们留下来。但没有停止提供我们的地址这个举动，这是他的弱点。
但少数亲戚像尝过血的蚊子一样，对付他们真的需要用到“驱虫剂”了。
即使我说我丈夫没在，他们没脸没皮留下来说“你就像我们的女儿”一样！
事情变得如此极端，一对夫妇来我们家小范围地举行他们女儿的订婚仪式。实际上，我睡在厨房里，我丈夫睡在大厅的一角。更不要说我们的食物、肥皂和其他东西了。我们没有热水器。所以我必须用热得快烧水，并收到巨额电费账单。我成了他们的正式厨师和女仆。
我受够了，征求我丈夫的同意，把他们赶走，因为这些人都是他那边的亲戚，他也受够了。
我敢肯定，除了他那边的关键亲戚，其余那些人都是群自私的小气鬼——利用他爸爸和我们，所以给他们个教训没什么不对的。
So
1.if morning time anyone comes I will become official servant maid. Tell them ‘ammagau and ayyagaru' ( madam and sir) are not there. I came to finish my work. I will lock the door Infront of them and go faster than them to back side garden of basement.
Few oversmart people still try their best tricks. Say they know us very well. They just stay for two days , I can give key to them!!
I ask will you allow same thing in your house? maid can allow anyone to stay in owner’s house in their absence? This is Bangalore! What's the guarantee you are their relative?
2. I tell my husband to go early to office. Tell him to eat in office canteen. I can stay till 2 o clock without any food. (Fasting till puja is done is quite common in our families)
Till 2 at afternoon my puja continues. I tell them they can go out and have something because I can't make anything , no need to worry about me I will eat some fruits so they can bring if they like.
所以有3种应对方式：
1、如果早上有人来的话，我就扮作女仆。告诉他们‘ammagau和ayyagaru’（女士和先生）没在家。我是来完成我的工作的。我会把他们锁在门外面，然后比他们更快地去地库的后花园。
少数过度聪明的人仍然尽其所能。说他们非常了解我们，他们只呆两天，我可以把钥匙交给他们！
我问你们，同样的情况，你们会允许别人进入你们的房子吗？女佣可以允许任何人在主人不在的时候住在主人家里吗？这里是班加罗尔！你怎么证明你是他们的亲戚?
2、我告诉我丈夫早点去上班，叫他在办公室食堂吃饭。我可以不吃东西一直呆到2点。（在我们的家庭里，斋戒到礼拜结束是很常见的）
直到下午2点，我仍在继续礼拜。我告诉他们，他们可以出去吃点东西，因为我不能做任何东西，不用担心我，所以如果他们愿意，可以带些水果给我。
1.if morning time anyone comes I will become official servant maid. Tell them ‘ammagau and ayyagaru' ( madam and sir) are not there. I came to finish my work. I will lock the door Infront of them and go faster than them to back side garden of basement.
Few oversmart people still try their best tricks. Say they know us very well. They just stay for two days , I can give key to them!!
I ask will you allow same thing in your house? maid can allow anyone to stay in owner’s house in their absence? This is Bangalore! What's the guarantee you are their relative?
2. I tell my husband to go early to office. Tell him to eat in office canteen. I can stay till 2 o clock without any food. (Fasting till puja is done is quite common in our families)
Till 2 at afternoon my puja continues. I tell them they can go out and have something because I can't make anything , no need to worry about me I will eat some fruits so they can bring if they like.
所以有3种应对方式：
1、如果早上有人来的话，我就扮作女仆。告诉他们‘ammagau和ayyagaru’（女士和先生）没在家。我是来完成我的工作的。我会把他们锁在门外面，然后比他们更快地去地库的后花园。
少数过度聪明的人仍然尽其所能。说他们非常了解我们，他们只呆两天，我可以把钥匙交给他们！
我问你们，同样的情况，你们会允许别人进入你们的房子吗？女佣可以允许任何人在主人不在的时候住在主人家里吗？这里是班加罗尔！你怎么证明你是他们的亲戚?
2、我告诉我丈夫早点去上班，叫他在办公室食堂吃饭。我可以不吃东西一直呆到2点。（在我们的家庭里，斋戒到礼拜结束是很常见的）
直到下午2点，我仍在继续礼拜。我告诉他们，他们可以出去吃点东西，因为我不能做任何东西，不用担心我，所以如果他们愿意，可以带些水果给我。
3. I will make breakfast and tell I too have some work out side and let's have lunch out side. I go with them. Make them pay for some items too. It should be equal to their stay expenses in my house.
Then I praise them , people like them wherever they go, no one feel them like a burden, infact people will be waiting for them! When they will come to our house? When they will come to our house? But many unfortunately won't behave like them. Just want to save their money throwing their expenditure on some others!! When I am sure' Message received ' by them I give them good farewell dinner.
Slowly things came under control.
But nowadays things are much easier. Phones are there. You can create your reasons for unable to show your hospitality. But be truthful to your self . You too may need them one day in future.
The thing is both of you should decide who is allowed, who is not allowed.
You too should not trouble anyone by landing on their heads. Becoming unwanted guests.
3、我会做早餐，告诉对方我要出去办事，我们得在外面吃午饭。我和他们一起去，让他们也为一些东西买单，这应该等同于他们在我家的住宿费。
然后我赞美他们，无论他们走到哪里，人们都喜欢他们，没有人觉得他们是一种负担，事实上人们会等着他们去！——他们什么时候来我们家？但不幸的是，许多人不会像他们那样行事。只是想把自己的钱省下来，让别人花钱!当我了解到这些信息后，就给他们饯行。
慢慢地，事情得到了控制。
但现在事情变得容易多了，通了电话。你可以为自己无法热情招待他们而创造理由，但要真诚才行，毕竟在未来的某一天，你也可能需要他们。
问题是你们俩应该决定谁可以，谁不可以。
你也不应该去麻烦别人，成为别人的不速之客。
Then I praise them , people like them wherever they go, no one feel them like a burden, infact people will be waiting for them! When they will come to our house? When they will come to our house? But many unfortunately won't behave like them. Just want to save their money throwing their expenditure on some others!! When I am sure' Message received ' by them I give them good farewell dinner.
Slowly things came under control.
But nowadays things are much easier. Phones are there. You can create your reasons for unable to show your hospitality. But be truthful to your self . You too may need them one day in future.
The thing is both of you should decide who is allowed, who is not allowed.
You too should not trouble anyone by landing on their heads. Becoming unwanted guests.
3、我会做早餐，告诉对方我要出去办事，我们得在外面吃午饭。我和他们一起去，让他们也为一些东西买单，这应该等同于他们在我家的住宿费。
然后我赞美他们，无论他们走到哪里，人们都喜欢他们，没有人觉得他们是一种负担，事实上人们会等着他们去！——他们什么时候来我们家？但不幸的是，许多人不会像他们那样行事。只是想把自己的钱省下来，让别人花钱!当我了解到这些信息后，就给他们饯行。
慢慢地，事情得到了控制。
但现在事情变得容易多了，通了电话。你可以为自己无法热情招待他们而创造理由，但要真诚才行，毕竟在未来的某一天，你也可能需要他们。
问题是你们俩应该决定谁可以，谁不可以。
你也不应该去麻烦别人，成为别人的不速之客。
In my case
One nasty relative rumoured my husband married his servant maid ( me). I made him leave his first wife!!! He said that when he saw me for the first time beside my husband in a marriage! He straight away asked my husband! My husband was shocked to hear that allegation! That fellow was the one I didn't give key saying I am maid. Haha. Things will boomerang too.
Help genuine relatives who can't afford to stay in hotels but their work is really urgent.
Shoo away parasites. Selfish relatives. ‘
It's my principle.
就我而言
一个讨厌的亲戚谣传我丈夫娶了他的女仆（我），我让他离开他的第一任妻子！他说，当他在婚礼中第一次看到我在我丈夫身边时！他就这些事直接问我老公!我丈夫听到这个指控很震惊！那个家伙就是我没给钥匙还说我是女仆的那个。哈哈，这也有现世报。
所以请接待你的好亲戚。
帮助那些住不起酒店但又要处理急迫的事情的真正的亲戚。
赶走寄生虫——自私的亲戚。
这是我的原则。
One nasty relative rumoured my husband married his servant maid ( me). I made him leave his first wife!!! He said that when he saw me for the first time beside my husband in a marriage! He straight away asked my husband! My husband was shocked to hear that allegation! That fellow was the one I didn't give key saying I am maid. Haha. Things will boomerang too.
Help genuine relatives who can't afford to stay in hotels but their work is really urgent.
Shoo away parasites. Selfish relatives. ‘
It's my principle.
就我而言
一个讨厌的亲戚谣传我丈夫娶了他的女仆（我），我让他离开他的第一任妻子！他说，当他在婚礼中第一次看到我在我丈夫身边时！他就这些事直接问我老公!我丈夫听到这个指控很震惊！那个家伙就是我没给钥匙还说我是女仆的那个。哈哈，这也有现世报。
所以请接待你的好亲戚。
帮助那些住不起酒店但又要处理急迫的事情的真正的亲戚。
赶走寄生虫——自私的亲戚。
这是我的原则。
Melissa Myer
What is it like to be raised by parents who love each other unconditionally?
As a child, it was pretty darned wonderful.
My parents met and married late in life—I wasn’t really supposed to happen, but I did. I was always comforted by the knowledge that my mom and dad married for love and not to replicate their respective genes. They wanted to be with each other unconditionally; there was no Big Life Agenda attached. This had a direct impact on me, because:
They always placed each other, and their marriage, first. It’s not that they didn’t love me, because they did. By placing each other first, I grew up safe and secure in the knowledge that I wouldn’t come from a broken home. Or far worse: that I would one day bear the guilt of having them stay together for my sake. I cannot think of anything worse than that.
They modeled loving behavior. I have fond memories of my parents going out together on Friday nights. My mom all dressed up, her heels tapping across the floor, smelling of Chanel No. 5, and my dad jingling his keys, ready to go.
Because I wasn’t the sole focus of their attention/affection, I became independent at an early age, and knew how to make friends and influence people I didn’t have the separation anxiety that a lot of kids did. It was always easy for me to tell which of my friends’ parents didn’t really love each other, because they were a freakin’ mess.
被无条件相爱的父母抚养是什么感觉？
作为一个孩子，这真是太棒了。
我父母在晚年相识并结婚——本不该有我，还是有了我。当我知道我的父母是为了爱而不是为了留下他们各自的基因而结婚时，我总是感到欣慰。他们想无条件地和对方在一起——没有“人生大计划”，这对我产生了直接影响，因为：
他们总是把彼此和他们的婚姻放在第一位。并不是说他们不爱我，正是因为他们爱我。通过把彼此放在第一位，我在成长过程中感到安全，因为我知道自己不会来自一个破碎的家庭。或者更糟糕的是：有一天我会为他们为了我而在一起而感到内疚，我想不出比这更糟糕的了。
他们示范了爱的行为，我对父母每周五晚上一起出去的举动有美好的回忆。我妈妈打扮得漂漂亮亮，她的高跟鞋敲击着地板，散发着香奈儿5号的味道，我爸爸敲着他的钥匙，准备出发。
因为我不是他们关注/喜爱的唯一焦点，我很小就变得独立了，知道如何交朋友和影响别人！我没有很多孩子会有的分离焦虑。我总是很容易就能分辨出我朋友的父母彼此并不相爱——因为他们的关系一团糟。
What is it like to be raised by parents who love each other unconditionally?
As a child, it was pretty darned wonderful.
My parents met and married late in life—I wasn’t really supposed to happen, but I did. I was always comforted by the knowledge that my mom and dad married for love and not to replicate their respective genes. They wanted to be with each other unconditionally; there was no Big Life Agenda attached. This had a direct impact on me, because:
They always placed each other, and their marriage, first. It’s not that they didn’t love me, because they did. By placing each other first, I grew up safe and secure in the knowledge that I wouldn’t come from a broken home. Or far worse: that I would one day bear the guilt of having them stay together for my sake. I cannot think of anything worse than that.
They modeled loving behavior. I have fond memories of my parents going out together on Friday nights. My mom all dressed up, her heels tapping across the floor, smelling of Chanel No. 5, and my dad jingling his keys, ready to go.
Because I wasn’t the sole focus of their attention/affection, I became independent at an early age, and knew how to make friends and influence people I didn’t have the separation anxiety that a lot of kids did. It was always easy for me to tell which of my friends’ parents didn’t really love each other, because they were a freakin’ mess.
被无条件相爱的父母抚养是什么感觉？
作为一个孩子，这真是太棒了。
我父母在晚年相识并结婚——本不该有我，还是有了我。当我知道我的父母是为了爱而不是为了留下他们各自的基因而结婚时，我总是感到欣慰。他们想无条件地和对方在一起——没有“人生大计划”，这对我产生了直接影响，因为：
他们总是把彼此和他们的婚姻放在第一位。并不是说他们不爱我，正是因为他们爱我。通过把彼此放在第一位，我在成长过程中感到安全，因为我知道自己不会来自一个破碎的家庭。或者更糟糕的是：有一天我会为他们为了我而在一起而感到内疚，我想不出比这更糟糕的了。
他们示范了爱的行为，我对父母每周五晚上一起出去的举动有美好的回忆。我妈妈打扮得漂漂亮亮，她的高跟鞋敲击着地板，散发着香奈儿5号的味道，我爸爸敲着他的钥匙，准备出发。
因为我不是他们关注/喜爱的唯一焦点，我很小就变得独立了，知道如何交朋友和影响别人！我没有很多孩子会有的分离焦虑。我总是很容易就能分辨出我朋友的父母彼此并不相爱——因为他们的关系一团糟。
After I left home and went to university, I didn’t have to worry about them getting divorced like most of my friends’ parents. If they had gotten divorced, I would have had to always worry about their emotional, physical and financial welfare.
Big downside: I grew up thinking that my parents’ happy marriage was normal. It was not normal. They were one of the rare couples who loved each other till death did they part. So I thought that it would be easy-peasy to find a life partner like that.
Oh, how wrong I was!
I didn’t know how to deal with men who treated me disrespectfully or poorly. When they didn’t put our relationship/marriage first, I convinced myself that there was a magic way to turn them around, when that is simply not the case.
I had a very rough go of it in relationships. I almost feel like I had a “relationship disability”.
It took a very long time for me to figure out that although growing up with parents who loved each other was wonderful, I was not owed the same thing. It’s been a hard reality to face.
Great question, by the way!
在我离开家上大学后，我不必像大多数朋友担心他们的父母离婚一样担心他们。如果他们离婚了，我将不得不一直担心他们的情感、身体和经济福利。
最大的缺点是：我从小就认为父母婚姻幸福是很正常的，其实这不正常。他们是极少数相爱至死不渝的情侣之一，所以我曾认为找到这样的生活伴侣会很容易。
哦，我错了！
我不知道如何应付那些对我无礼或对我不好的男人。当他们没有把我们的关系/婚姻放在第一位时，我说服自己有一种神奇的方法可以扭转这种局面，但事实并非如此。
我在感情关系中经历了一段非常艰难的时期。我几乎觉得自己有“关系障碍”。
我花了很长时间才明白，尽管和相爱的父母一起长大很美好，但我并没有我没有遇到同样美好的婚姻，这是一个难以面对的现实。
顺便提一下，这个问题很棒！
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Big downside: I grew up thinking that my parents’ happy marriage was normal. It was not normal. They were one of the rare couples who loved each other till death did they part. So I thought that it would be easy-peasy to find a life partner like that.
Oh, how wrong I was!
I didn’t know how to deal with men who treated me disrespectfully or poorly. When they didn’t put our relationship/marriage first, I convinced myself that there was a magic way to turn them around, when that is simply not the case.
I had a very rough go of it in relationships. I almost feel like I had a “relationship disability”.
It took a very long time for me to figure out that although growing up with parents who loved each other was wonderful, I was not owed the same thing. It’s been a hard reality to face.
Great question, by the way!
在我离开家上大学后，我不必像大多数朋友担心他们的父母离婚一样担心他们。如果他们离婚了，我将不得不一直担心他们的情感、身体和经济福利。
最大的缺点是：我从小就认为父母婚姻幸福是很正常的，其实这不正常。他们是极少数相爱至死不渝的情侣之一，所以我曾认为找到这样的生活伴侣会很容易。
哦，我错了！
我不知道如何应付那些对我无礼或对我不好的男人。当他们没有把我们的关系/婚姻放在第一位时，我说服自己有一种神奇的方法可以扭转这种局面，但事实并非如此。
我在感情关系中经历了一段非常艰难的时期。我几乎觉得自己有“关系障碍”。
我花了很长时间才明白，尽管和相爱的父母一起长大很美好，但我并没有我没有遇到同样美好的婚姻，这是一个难以面对的现实。
顺便提一下，这个问题很棒！
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Anonymous
What do I do when my relatives always put me down?
I have some thing to say,
Someone is putting you down for real, you don’t need them.
Someone is putting you down for real, they don’t need you.
Skip them, that’s the best thing you can ever do. We all come from a family where everybody is unique and have different thoughts for life. Some are good and few are greed, which obviously lives upon them and their thoughts.
When you always know what to do or how to do, sometimes the best thing to do is avoiding the badness around you. Just skip it my friend, it’s good for all.
Never degrade yourself because someone has made a thought about you, which isn’t real or not agreeable. If someone isn’t trying to understand your point, they are not respecting your presence.
Think logically, we have grown up believing the goodness in humanity - Which is quite lost or missing in most of them. It’s time to understand reality, rather sticking to the old books of humanity.
Talking about humanity - help the needy. Be good and think good and never underestimate yourself, they have no idea who you really are.
当我的亲戚总是贬低我时，我该怎么办？
我有话要说，
有人真的在贬低你，你不需要他们。
有人真的在贬低你，他们不需要你。
无视它们，这是你能做的最好的事情。我们都来自一个家庭，但是每个人都是独一无二的，对生活有不同的想法。有些人是善良的，少数人是贪婪的，贪婪显然存在于他们和他们的思想中。
当你总是知道该做什么或如何做时，有时最好的事情就是避免身边的糟糕的事情。无视他们吧，我的朋友，这对所有人都有好处。
永远不要因为别人对你的看法而贬低自己，这种看法是不真实的或令人不愉快的。如果有人不试图理解你的观点，他们就是不尊重你。
从逻辑上思考，我们从小就相信人性的善良——而大多数人都不是这样的。是时候理解现实了，而不是拘泥于人类的陈旧理论。
说到人性——帮助需要帮助的人。做个好人，往好处想，永远不要低估自己，他们毕竟不知道你到底是谁。
What do I do when my relatives always put me down?
I have some thing to say,
Someone is putting you down for real, you don’t need them.
Someone is putting you down for real, they don’t need you.
Skip them, that’s the best thing you can ever do. We all come from a family where everybody is unique and have different thoughts for life. Some are good and few are greed, which obviously lives upon them and their thoughts.
When you always know what to do or how to do, sometimes the best thing to do is avoiding the badness around you. Just skip it my friend, it’s good for all.
Never degrade yourself because someone has made a thought about you, which isn’t real or not agreeable. If someone isn’t trying to understand your point, they are not respecting your presence.
Think logically, we have grown up believing the goodness in humanity - Which is quite lost or missing in most of them. It’s time to understand reality, rather sticking to the old books of humanity.
Talking about humanity - help the needy. Be good and think good and never underestimate yourself, they have no idea who you really are.
当我的亲戚总是贬低我时，我该怎么办？
我有话要说，
有人真的在贬低你，你不需要他们。
有人真的在贬低你，他们不需要你。
无视它们，这是你能做的最好的事情。我们都来自一个家庭，但是每个人都是独一无二的，对生活有不同的想法。有些人是善良的，少数人是贪婪的，贪婪显然存在于他们和他们的思想中。
当你总是知道该做什么或如何做时，有时最好的事情就是避免身边的糟糕的事情。无视他们吧，我的朋友，这对所有人都有好处。
永远不要因为别人对你的看法而贬低自己，这种看法是不真实的或令人不愉快的。如果有人不试图理解你的观点，他们就是不尊重你。
从逻辑上思考，我们从小就相信人性的善良——而大多数人都不是这样的。是时候理解现实了，而不是拘泥于人类的陈旧理论。
说到人性——帮助需要帮助的人。做个好人，往好处想，永远不要低估自己，他们毕竟不知道你到底是谁。
很赞 0
收藏