美国黑人女孩：我不是华人，所以我不能和他约会
正文翻译
I have a crush on my friend and he's Chinese. When we first met we were honest about our attraction to each other but agreed to just be friends because he said his parents wouldn't like him dating a black girl. We stayed friends and have been for a year. I've had a little crush on him for about a few weeks now and last night he kissed me. Hes such a sweet guy. Buys me food every time we hang out, calls me beautiful every time he sees me, rolls my woods. He's so cool. I feel like we would be great together but I don't want to be loved in secret. If his family wouldn't like me I feel like there's no point in trying and I don't want to deal with racists. I've never wished I was Chinese until now. I'm joking but also I feel like a 25 year old dude shouldn't really care much about how their parents feel about who they date but I understand family closeness and wanting family approval. My family is Nigerian so I get it.
我喜欢上了我的一个华人朋友。我们刚认识时就相互坦白自己被对方吸引，但同意只做朋友，因为他说他父母不会喜欢他和一个黑人女孩约会。我们保持朋友关系已经一年了。我喜欢上他也就是最近几周的事，昨晚他亲吻了我，他真的特别温柔。每次见面都会给我买吃的，夸我漂亮，帮我干体力活，他实在太酷了。我觉得我们在一起会很合适，但我不想偷偷摸摸地被爱。如果他家人不喜欢我，我觉得这种尝试毫无意义，我不想和种族主义者打交道。我从没像现在这样希望自己是个华人。哈哈，开玩笑的，但我觉得一个25岁的男人不应该太在意父母对自己的约会对象有何看法。但是我能理解家庭成员之间的那种亲密以及希望得到家人认可的这种想法。我们家是尼日利亚裔的，所以我懂。
I have a crush on my friend and he's Chinese. When we first met we were honest about our attraction to each other but agreed to just be friends because he said his parents wouldn't like him dating a black girl. We stayed friends and have been for a year. I've had a little crush on him for about a few weeks now and last night he kissed me. Hes such a sweet guy. Buys me food every time we hang out, calls me beautiful every time he sees me, rolls my woods. He's so cool. I feel like we would be great together but I don't want to be loved in secret. If his family wouldn't like me I feel like there's no point in trying and I don't want to deal with racists. I've never wished I was Chinese until now. I'm joking but also I feel like a 25 year old dude shouldn't really care much about how their parents feel about who they date but I understand family closeness and wanting family approval. My family is Nigerian so I get it.
我喜欢上了我的一个华人朋友。我们刚认识时就相互坦白自己被对方吸引，但同意只做朋友，因为他说他父母不会喜欢他和一个黑人女孩约会。我们保持朋友关系已经一年了。我喜欢上他也就是最近几周的事，昨晚他亲吻了我，他真的特别温柔。每次见面都会给我买吃的，夸我漂亮，帮我干体力活，他实在太酷了。我觉得我们在一起会很合适，但我不想偷偷摸摸地被爱。如果他家人不喜欢我，我觉得这种尝试毫无意义，我不想和种族主义者打交道。我从没像现在这样希望自己是个华人。哈哈，开玩笑的，但我觉得一个25岁的男人不应该太在意父母对自己的约会对象有何看法。但是我能理解家庭成员之间的那种亲密以及希望得到家人认可的这种想法。我们家是尼日利亚裔的，所以我懂。
评论翻译
Sad-Perception
It's rarely worth it to get serious with someone who has a racist family. It'll only work if he is willing to back you up against them every time. You're young and there's lots of families out there who would welcome you wholeheartedly!
和一个家人有种族歧视倾向的人认真交往，通常情况下都是不值得的。除非他愿意每次都站在你这边，这段感情才有可能成。你还年轻，外面有很多家庭愿意全心全意接纳你！
Vagercise
Learned this the hard way in my 20s. Save yourself the heartbreak gf!
我二十多岁时吃个了大亏才明白这个道理。别让自己心碎，姐妹！
GorgeousInGucci
Also, learned this the hard way. Chinese family racist against me as a Brazilian American. I went through so much shit with them & if he's not going to defend you, you'll hurt alone & it won't last.
我也是吃了大亏后才明白的。作为一个巴西裔美国人，我也曾经遭遇过华人家庭的种族歧视。我和他们经历了太多的破事。如果他不愿维护你，你便会独自受伤，这份感情是走不远的。
Squeegee_Beckenheim
I'm in the same boat as you. My fiancé's parents are just happy for him to get married at this point even though they don't like that I'm a fat white lady (fat being more of a problem than white,I know it would also be a problem for them if I were black).
我和你在同一条船上。我未婚夫的父母现在很庆幸他终于要结婚了，尽管他们并不喜欢我这个肥胖的白人女性（肥胖比白人更成问题，我知道如果我是个黑人的话，他们同样会有意见）。
It does suck to not be fully embraced by your partner's family, but it only works at all if your partner puts you first and makes it abundantly clear that he wants to be with you regardless of his family's opinion.
不被伴侣的家人完全接纳确实是一种很糟糕的体验，但是只有在你的伴侣将你放在首位，并且明确表示无论他的家人看法如何他都要和你在一起时，这段感情才有可能成功。
peanutneedsexercise
Lol as an Asian woman I also am reluctant to date Asian guys cuz the Asian MIL expectations are actually insanity. �� esp if it's like the first born son of a Chinese family.
哈哈，作为一个亚裔女性，我也不太愿意和亚裔男性约会，因为亚裔婆婆的期望实在太疯狂了，尤其是他还是华人家庭中的长子的话。
If this dude can't stand up to his family at 25 it ain't worth it cuz it can and will get so much worse.
如果这家伙25岁了还不能在自己的家人面前维护你的话，那就不值得了，因为情况可能会，也一定会变得更加糟糕。
DiverLopsided1942
Although it stings, I'm glad that you can acknowledge that you don't wanna be loved in secret or deal with racists.
虽然这很痛心，但我很高兴你能意识到自己不想偷偷摸摸地被爱，也不想和种族主义者打交道。
You may don't wanna hear this, but the longer you two remain "friends", the harder it will be. No matter how hard you fight it, jealousy and/or hurt feelings will start to appear once one of you gets into a relationship with someone else.
你也许不会想听我接下来要说的话，但你们俩越是保持“朋友”关系，你们以后的处境便会愈加艰难。无论你们怎么抗拒，一旦你们中有谁和别人走到了一起，嫉妒或伤痛便会不期而至。
My unsolicited advice is to save yourself the additional heartache by starting to distance yourself now.
我多管闲事的建议是：从现在开始保持距离，以免将来更加心痛。
Doomgloomya
As a part Chinese that has dating Black women for years. The very first time I brought my Black gf to meet my Mom it was a shit show. My mom at the least had the consideration to explode in a room out of her ear shot but we where screaming at each other for probs 20-30mins.
作为一个混血华人，我已经和一位黑人女性交往多年了。我第一次带我的黑人女友去见我妈时，那场面宛如一场闹剧。我妈至少还算体贴，把我拉到一个她听不见声音的房间质问，但我们还在那互相尖叫了大概20到30分钟。
Its alot better now tho as my mom now activily buys outfits and clothes that she thinks my GF would like and asks when we are giving her babaies and getiing married. But the process to get to that point is not easy and Im not even close to my parents and am fully willing to cut them offt.
不过情况现在已经好多了，我妈会给我女友购买她觉得我女朋友会喜欢的衣服，还会问我们什么时候让她抱孙子、什么时候结婚之类的问题。但是走到这一步的过程并不容易，而且我和父母的关系本来就不亲近，也完全不介意和他们断绝往来。
emotionalmooncake
As someone who was with a very traditional Chinese man. I'm Vietnamese and it still wa0s not enough. Whatever you do it will never be enough.
我曾经和一个非常传统的华人男性约会过，我是个越南裔，但即便如此也还是不够。无论你做什么，永远都不够。
Particular-Ratio7969
He's not that great, and you deserve so much better. This is a grown man who is so beholden to his parents that he's willing to hurt you to honor their racist wishes for him. I promise you, this is a blessing in disguise. Because whoever he does end up with is going to have to contend with these people as in-laws, and I doubt he'll suddenly grow a spine to stand up for his wife against his parents just because she's from the right ethnicity. I dated some weak guys in my 20s, and my advice is to stop waiting for them to grow up and go be with a real, stable adult instead.
他并没有那么好，你值得更好的人。他已经是个成年男性了，却如此听命于自己的父母，宁愿伤害你来成全他们对你种族歧视。我向你保证，这其实是因祸得福。因为无论他最终和谁在一起，那位女子都要面对这些人，而我不相信他会因为对方来自“正确”的种族就突然有勇气敢于在父母面前维护自己的妻子。我在二十多岁时交往过一些软弱的男人，我的意见是：别再等他们长大了，找一个真正成熟稳重的成年人吧。
Adishofcustard
If he cares for you, he'd fight for you. His family would learn by his actions. But it's gotta start with him. If he isn't willing to fight then cut his ass off. Stop making excuses like "it's not his fault, it's just cultural."
如果他在乎你，他会为你而战。他的家人会通过他的行动学会接受。但一切都需要从他开始。如果他不愿意战斗，那就把他甩了。不要再找“不是他的错，只是文化问题”这种借口了。
My mom grew up in the south (in the 50's) and left as soon as she could because she knew that shit was wrong. My grandparents were racist as hell but my mother sat me down and told me it was ok to date whomever as long as they were good to me.
我妈妈在五十年代的南方长大，她一有机会就离开了那里，因为她知道那些破事是错误的。我的祖父母非常种族主义，但我妈认真告诉我，和任何种族的人约会都可以，只要对方对你好就行。
glutenfreebuns11
I dated a Chinese guy for 3 years with his family opposing it. it ended horribly, they would humiliate me. I learned teochew and would hear them say racist things about black ppl during BLM movement, once they figured out i understood they switched to speaking mandarin. My boyfriend would get mad at me everytime his parents did something to me cause he felt torn and like he couldnt confront his family. Nothing I did was ever enough cause I was mexican. they controlled all his bank accounts and money. his mom ended up stealing my dead grandmothers ring out of my room. anyways yeah im never doing that again. its not worth it.
我和一个华人男性交往了三年，他的家人一直反对这段感情。结局很糟糕，他们会羞辱我。我学会了潮州话，在黑命贵运动期间我听到他们说了一些针对黑人的种族主义言论，当他们发现我能听懂潮州话后，就改说普通话了。每当他父母对我做了些什么，我男朋友都会生我气，因为这让他感到左右为难，觉得自己无法面对家人。因为我是墨西哥裔，所以无论我做什么都不够。他们控制了他所有的银行账户和钱。他妈最后还从我房间里偷走了我过世的祖母留给我的戒指。总而言之，我再也不会让自己身陷那种处境了。不值得。
gizby666
There are def black people who marry into Chinese families... Hes being weird. If he cant make choices without the approval of his parents then BYE!
黑人嫁入华人家庭是绝对有先例的...奇怪的是他而已。如果他不能在没有父母批准的情况下做出决定，那就和他拜拜吧！
ruthlessinternet
I've been LDR with a Chinese girl for 4 years, I'm a white British guy. I've been a secret all this time, and her parents are the reason it's ending. Chinese culture is so strong, if they are dating outside of their race is can be seen as "abandoning" their family.
我曾经和一个中国女孩异地恋了4年，我是一个英国白人。这么长时间以来，她一直没有向父母告知我的存在，而他们也正是这段感情结束的原因。中国文化太强大了，如果他们和不同种族的人约会，便可能会被视为“抛弃”自己的家庭。
TheyCallMeBubbleBoyy
I'm Chinese (m) and my wife is Egyptian. Mother was not pleased, but that surely did not make a difference lol. That man is a boy. He needs to grow a pair!
我是一个华人男性，我妻子是埃及裔。妈妈当时也很不满意，但是这无关紧要，哈哈。那个男人就是个孩子，他需要拿出点胆量来！
Edit: I'll add that mommy was quite happy our two baby boys have huge eyes lol
补充一下：我妈后来很高兴看到我们的两个男宝都长了双大眼睛，哈哈。
It's rarely worth it to get serious with someone who has a racist family. It'll only work if he is willing to back you up against them every time. You're young and there's lots of families out there who would welcome you wholeheartedly!
和一个家人有种族歧视倾向的人认真交往，通常情况下都是不值得的。除非他愿意每次都站在你这边，这段感情才有可能成。你还年轻，外面有很多家庭愿意全心全意接纳你！
Vagercise
Learned this the hard way in my 20s. Save yourself the heartbreak gf!
我二十多岁时吃个了大亏才明白这个道理。别让自己心碎，姐妹！
GorgeousInGucci
Also, learned this the hard way. Chinese family racist against me as a Brazilian American. I went through so much shit with them & if he's not going to defend you, you'll hurt alone & it won't last.
我也是吃了大亏后才明白的。作为一个巴西裔美国人，我也曾经遭遇过华人家庭的种族歧视。我和他们经历了太多的破事。如果他不愿维护你，你便会独自受伤，这份感情是走不远的。
Squeegee_Beckenheim
I'm in the same boat as you. My fiancé's parents are just happy for him to get married at this point even though they don't like that I'm a fat white lady (fat being more of a problem than white,I know it would also be a problem for them if I were black).
我和你在同一条船上。我未婚夫的父母现在很庆幸他终于要结婚了，尽管他们并不喜欢我这个肥胖的白人女性（肥胖比白人更成问题，我知道如果我是个黑人的话，他们同样会有意见）。
It does suck to not be fully embraced by your partner's family, but it only works at all if your partner puts you first and makes it abundantly clear that he wants to be with you regardless of his family's opinion.
不被伴侣的家人完全接纳确实是一种很糟糕的体验，但是只有在你的伴侣将你放在首位，并且明确表示无论他的家人看法如何他都要和你在一起时，这段感情才有可能成功。
peanutneedsexercise
Lol as an Asian woman I also am reluctant to date Asian guys cuz the Asian MIL expectations are actually insanity. �� esp if it's like the first born son of a Chinese family.
哈哈，作为一个亚裔女性，我也不太愿意和亚裔男性约会，因为亚裔婆婆的期望实在太疯狂了，尤其是他还是华人家庭中的长子的话。
If this dude can't stand up to his family at 25 it ain't worth it cuz it can and will get so much worse.
如果这家伙25岁了还不能在自己的家人面前维护你的话，那就不值得了，因为情况可能会，也一定会变得更加糟糕。
DiverLopsided1942
Although it stings, I'm glad that you can acknowledge that you don't wanna be loved in secret or deal with racists.
虽然这很痛心，但我很高兴你能意识到自己不想偷偷摸摸地被爱，也不想和种族主义者打交道。
You may don't wanna hear this, but the longer you two remain "friends", the harder it will be. No matter how hard you fight it, jealousy and/or hurt feelings will start to appear once one of you gets into a relationship with someone else.
你也许不会想听我接下来要说的话，但你们俩越是保持“朋友”关系，你们以后的处境便会愈加艰难。无论你们怎么抗拒，一旦你们中有谁和别人走到了一起，嫉妒或伤痛便会不期而至。
My unsolicited advice is to save yourself the additional heartache by starting to distance yourself now.
我多管闲事的建议是：从现在开始保持距离，以免将来更加心痛。
Doomgloomya
As a part Chinese that has dating Black women for years. The very first time I brought my Black gf to meet my Mom it was a shit show. My mom at the least had the consideration to explode in a room out of her ear shot but we where screaming at each other for probs 20-30mins.
作为一个混血华人，我已经和一位黑人女性交往多年了。我第一次带我的黑人女友去见我妈时，那场面宛如一场闹剧。我妈至少还算体贴，把我拉到一个她听不见声音的房间质问，但我们还在那互相尖叫了大概20到30分钟。
Its alot better now tho as my mom now activily buys outfits and clothes that she thinks my GF would like and asks when we are giving her babaies and getiing married. But the process to get to that point is not easy and Im not even close to my parents and am fully willing to cut them offt.
不过情况现在已经好多了，我妈会给我女友购买她觉得我女朋友会喜欢的衣服，还会问我们什么时候让她抱孙子、什么时候结婚之类的问题。但是走到这一步的过程并不容易，而且我和父母的关系本来就不亲近，也完全不介意和他们断绝往来。
emotionalmooncake
As someone who was with a very traditional Chinese man. I'm Vietnamese and it still wa0s not enough. Whatever you do it will never be enough.
我曾经和一个非常传统的华人男性约会过，我是个越南裔，但即便如此也还是不够。无论你做什么，永远都不够。
Particular-Ratio7969
He's not that great, and you deserve so much better. This is a grown man who is so beholden to his parents that he's willing to hurt you to honor their racist wishes for him. I promise you, this is a blessing in disguise. Because whoever he does end up with is going to have to contend with these people as in-laws, and I doubt he'll suddenly grow a spine to stand up for his wife against his parents just because she's from the right ethnicity. I dated some weak guys in my 20s, and my advice is to stop waiting for them to grow up and go be with a real, stable adult instead.
他并没有那么好，你值得更好的人。他已经是个成年男性了，却如此听命于自己的父母，宁愿伤害你来成全他们对你种族歧视。我向你保证，这其实是因祸得福。因为无论他最终和谁在一起，那位女子都要面对这些人，而我不相信他会因为对方来自“正确”的种族就突然有勇气敢于在父母面前维护自己的妻子。我在二十多岁时交往过一些软弱的男人，我的意见是：别再等他们长大了，找一个真正成熟稳重的成年人吧。
Adishofcustard
If he cares for you, he'd fight for you. His family would learn by his actions. But it's gotta start with him. If he isn't willing to fight then cut his ass off. Stop making excuses like "it's not his fault, it's just cultural."
如果他在乎你，他会为你而战。他的家人会通过他的行动学会接受。但一切都需要从他开始。如果他不愿意战斗，那就把他甩了。不要再找“不是他的错，只是文化问题”这种借口了。
My mom grew up in the south (in the 50's) and left as soon as she could because she knew that shit was wrong. My grandparents were racist as hell but my mother sat me down and told me it was ok to date whomever as long as they were good to me.
我妈妈在五十年代的南方长大，她一有机会就离开了那里，因为她知道那些破事是错误的。我的祖父母非常种族主义，但我妈认真告诉我，和任何种族的人约会都可以，只要对方对你好就行。
glutenfreebuns11
I dated a Chinese guy for 3 years with his family opposing it. it ended horribly, they would humiliate me. I learned teochew and would hear them say racist things about black ppl during BLM movement, once they figured out i understood they switched to speaking mandarin. My boyfriend would get mad at me everytime his parents did something to me cause he felt torn and like he couldnt confront his family. Nothing I did was ever enough cause I was mexican. they controlled all his bank accounts and money. his mom ended up stealing my dead grandmothers ring out of my room. anyways yeah im never doing that again. its not worth it.
我和一个华人男性交往了三年，他的家人一直反对这段感情。结局很糟糕，他们会羞辱我。我学会了潮州话，在黑命贵运动期间我听到他们说了一些针对黑人的种族主义言论，当他们发现我能听懂潮州话后，就改说普通话了。每当他父母对我做了些什么，我男朋友都会生我气，因为这让他感到左右为难，觉得自己无法面对家人。因为我是墨西哥裔，所以无论我做什么都不够。他们控制了他所有的银行账户和钱。他妈最后还从我房间里偷走了我过世的祖母留给我的戒指。总而言之，我再也不会让自己身陷那种处境了。不值得。
gizby666
There are def black people who marry into Chinese families... Hes being weird. If he cant make choices without the approval of his parents then BYE!
黑人嫁入华人家庭是绝对有先例的...奇怪的是他而已。如果他不能在没有父母批准的情况下做出决定，那就和他拜拜吧！
ruthlessinternet
I've been LDR with a Chinese girl for 4 years, I'm a white British guy. I've been a secret all this time, and her parents are the reason it's ending. Chinese culture is so strong, if they are dating outside of their race is can be seen as "abandoning" their family.
我曾经和一个中国女孩异地恋了4年，我是一个英国白人。这么长时间以来，她一直没有向父母告知我的存在，而他们也正是这段感情结束的原因。中国文化太强大了，如果他们和不同种族的人约会，便可能会被视为“抛弃”自己的家庭。
TheyCallMeBubbleBoyy
I'm Chinese (m) and my wife is Egyptian. Mother was not pleased, but that surely did not make a difference lol. That man is a boy. He needs to grow a pair!
我是一个华人男性，我妻子是埃及裔。妈妈当时也很不满意，但是这无关紧要，哈哈。那个男人就是个孩子，他需要拿出点胆量来！
Edit: I'll add that mommy was quite happy our two baby boys have huge eyes lol
补充一下：我妈后来很高兴看到我们的两个男宝都长了双大眼睛，哈哈。
