笑话版：政治/民族/宗教类笑话若干则（下）
正文翻译
（来自笑话组）
（来自笑话组）
评论翻译
Waitsfornoone
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
有个男人和一个意大利女人陷入了婚外情，持续好几年了。有天晚上，她对他讲出了真心话，说她怀孕了。
u/suave111111
An Engineer accidentally goes to Hell instead of Heaven
An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.
The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.
The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
《一个工程师阴差阳错去了地狱而不是天堂》
一个工程师死后下了地狱。他又热又难受，所以他决定采取行动。那里的空调系统已经坏了很久了，所以他把它修好了。于是很快就凉快下来了。
自动人行道的马达卡住了，所以他就清除了卡在那里的东西。人们从一个地方去往另一个地方也变得更容易了。
电视机有颗粒感，也不清晰，所以他修复了电视机和卫星天线的接头，现在他们可以收看到数百个高清晰度的频道了。
An Engineer accidentally goes to Hell instead of Heaven
An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.
The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.
The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
《一个工程师阴差阳错去了地狱而不是天堂》
一个工程师死后下了地狱。他又热又难受，所以他决定采取行动。那里的空调系统已经坏了很久了，所以他把它修好了。于是很快就凉快下来了。
自动人行道的马达卡住了，所以他就清除了卡在那里的东西。人们从一个地方去往另一个地方也变得更容易了。
电视机有颗粒感，也不清晰，所以他修复了电视机和卫星天线的接头，现在他们可以收看到数百个高清晰度的频道了。
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's going on?
The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer."
"What?? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute."
The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy."
有一天，上帝决定俯看地狱，想看看他的大计划进行得怎么样了，他注意到每个人都很快乐，还在那儿享受饰有小雨伞的饮料。他问恶魔发生了什么事？
恶魔回答说：“自从你把那个工程师送到我们这里之后，这里的情况就变得特别好了。”
“什么？？一个工程师？我可没有给你们送过这样的人，一定是搞错了。现在就给我把他送回去。”
恶魔回应说：“没门儿！我们要留下我们的工程师。我们很喜欢这家伙。”
The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer."
"What?? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute."
The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy."
有一天，上帝决定俯看地狱，想看看他的大计划进行得怎么样了，他注意到每个人都很快乐，还在那儿享受饰有小雨伞的饮料。他问恶魔发生了什么事？
恶魔回答说：“自从你把那个工程师送到我们这里之后，这里的情况就变得特别好了。”
“什么？？一个工程师？我可没有给你们送过这样的人，一定是搞错了。现在就给我把他送回去。”
恶魔回应说：“没门儿！我们要留下我们的工程师。我们很喜欢这家伙。”
God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
上帝强烈要求他照办，说：“如果你们不马上把他送回我这里，我就去告你们！”
恶魔讪笑道，“那你准备去哪里找律师呢？”
The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
上帝强烈要求他照办，说：“如果你们不马上把他送回我这里，我就去告你们！”
恶魔讪笑道，“那你准备去哪里找律师呢？”
--------------
Make_the_music_stop
Satan arrives to welcome a new damned soul to hell. "Congratulations!", he says, "You wasted your entire pitiful life!"
"Well," the man replies, "at least I'm not a adult living in my father's basement."
撒旦到场了，他来欢迎一个新到地狱的灵魂，那人被判下了地狱。“恭喜你！”，他说，“你浪费了你那可怜的一生！”
“好吧”，那人回答说，“至少我不像你，都成年人了还住在你父亲的地下室里。”
Make_the_music_stop
Satan arrives to welcome a new damned soul to hell. "Congratulations!", he says, "You wasted your entire pitiful life!"
"Well," the man replies, "at least I'm not a adult living in my father's basement."
撒旦到场了，他来欢迎一个新到地狱的灵魂，那人被判下了地狱。“恭喜你！”，他说，“你浪费了你那可怜的一生！”
“好吧”，那人回答说，“至少我不像你，都成年人了还住在你父亲的地下室里。”
--------------
God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said: "Tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"
And God agreed.
God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
上帝创造了狗，并说，“整天坐在你家门口，对着任何进来或走过的人吠叫。为此，我将给予你二十年的寿命。”
狗说：“我得吠叫那么长时间啊。只吠十年如何，我会把另外十年还给你的？”
于是上帝同意了。
上帝创造了猴子，并说，“给人们带去快乐，耍各种把戏逗他们笑。为此，我将给予你二十年的寿命。”
猴子说：“耍二十年的把戏？这表演时间也太长了吧。这样如何，我会像狗那样还给你十年？”
上帝又同意了。
上帝创造了牛，并说，“你必须整天和农夫一起下到田里去，在太阳下受苦，生牛犊，挤牛奶，以此来养活农夫的家人。为此，我将给予你六十年的寿命。”
牛说：“这么艰苦的生活你想让我过六十年。二十年如何，我会把另外四十年还给你？”
上帝再次同意了。
God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said: "Tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"
And God agreed.
God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
上帝创造了狗，并说，“整天坐在你家门口，对着任何进来或走过的人吠叫。为此，我将给予你二十年的寿命。”
狗说：“我得吠叫那么长时间啊。只吠十年如何，我会把另外十年还给你的？”
于是上帝同意了。
上帝创造了猴子，并说，“给人们带去快乐，耍各种把戏逗他们笑。为此，我将给予你二十年的寿命。”
猴子说：“耍二十年的把戏？这表演时间也太长了吧。这样如何，我会像狗那样还给你十年？”
上帝又同意了。
上帝创造了牛，并说，“你必须整天和农夫一起下到田里去，在太阳下受苦，生牛犊，挤牛奶，以此来养活农夫的家人。为此，我将给予你六十年的寿命。”
牛说：“这么艰苦的生活你想让我过六十年。二十年如何，我会把另外四十年还给你？”
上帝再次同意了。
God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
上帝创造了人，并说，“去吃，睡，玩，结婚，享受生活吧。为此，我将给予你二十年的寿命。”
可人却说：“只有二十年？你能不能把我的二十年，牛还给你的四十年，猴子还给你的十年，狗还给你的十年统统给我，也就是八十年，行吗？”
“行”，上帝说，“这是你自找的。”
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
上帝创造了人，并说，“去吃，睡，玩，结婚，享受生活吧。为此，我将给予你二十年的寿命。”
可人却说：“只有二十年？你能不能把我的二十年，牛还给你的四十年，猴子还给你的十年，狗还给你的十年统统给我，也就是八十年，行吗？”
“行”，上帝说，“这是你自找的。”
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
所以，这就是为什么在我们的前二十年，我们吃、睡、玩、享受生活。在接下来的四十年里，我们在太阳下拼死拼活，以此养活我们的家人。在接下来的十年里，我们会耍猴子的把戏来逗乐孙辈们。而最后的十年，我们会坐在前门廊上，对着每个人吠叫。
这番解释你听明白了吧，这就是生活。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Life has now been explained to you.
所以，这就是为什么在我们的前二十年，我们吃、睡、玩、享受生活。在接下来的四十年里，我们在太阳下拼死拼活，以此养活我们的家人。在接下来的十年里，我们会耍猴子的把戏来逗乐孙辈们。而最后的十年，我们会坐在前门廊上，对着每个人吠叫。
这番解释你听明白了吧，这就是生活。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
--------------
Conscious_Stick8344
Russian Spetsnaz/paratrooper joke:
If your main chute fails to deploy and your reserve chute doesn’t open,…
You still have about 20 seconds to learn how to fly.
俄罗斯阿尔法特种部队/空降兵的笑话：
如果你的主伞没能打开，而你的备用伞也没能打开...
那你仍然有大约20秒的时间来学会飞行。
Conscious_Stick8344
Russian Spetsnaz/paratrooper joke:
If your main chute fails to deploy and your reserve chute doesn’t open,…
You still have about 20 seconds to learn how to fly.
俄罗斯阿尔法特种部队/空降兵的笑话：
如果你的主伞没能打开，而你的备用伞也没能打开...
那你仍然有大约20秒的时间来学会飞行。
--------------
dead97531
A guy catches a golden fish, which says to him:
Let me go and I’ll fulfill your every wish!
The man answers:
I want to become a Hero of the Soviet unx!
He blxs and finds himself in a field holding two grenades, facing five tanks.
有个家伙抓到一条金鱼，
金鱼对他说：放我走吧，我会满足你所有的愿望！
这个男人回答说：我想成为苏联英雄！
他眨了眨眼，发现自己置身于战场，手里攥着两颗手榴弹，正在和五辆坦克对决。
dead97531
A guy catches a golden fish, which says to him:
Let me go and I’ll fulfill your every wish!
The man answers:
I want to become a Hero of the Soviet unx!
He blxs and finds himself in a field holding two grenades, facing five tanks.
有个家伙抓到一条金鱼，
金鱼对他说：放我走吧，我会满足你所有的愿望！
这个男人回答说：我想成为苏联英雄！
他眨了眨眼，发现自己置身于战场，手里攥着两颗手榴弹，正在和五辆坦克对决。
--------------
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body.
As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
有一个班的美国士兵正在伊拉克边境巡逻，无意中发现了一具被严重碾压过的死尸。
他们走近了些，发现是一名伊拉克士兵。他们沿着这条路前进，没走多远，又发现在路对面的沟里有一名被碾压成重伤的美国士兵，已经奄奄一息了。他们跑到他身边，托住他那伤痕累累的头，问他发生了什么事。
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body.
As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
有一个班的美国士兵正在伊拉克边境巡逻，无意中发现了一具被严重碾压过的死尸。
他们走近了些，发现是一名伊拉克士兵。他们沿着这条路前进，没走多远，又发现在路对面的沟里有一名被碾压成重伤的美国士兵，已经奄奄一息了。他们跑到他身边，托住他那伤痕累累的头，问他发生了什么事。
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'"
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
“好吧”，他低声说，“当时，武装到牙齿的我走在这条路上，偶遇了这位全副武装的伊拉克边防军。我直视他的眼睛，喊道：‘萨达姆·侯赛因就是个低能、爱骗人、满口谎话的垃圾！’”
“他直视我的眼睛，大声回敬道，‘乔治·W·布什也是一个低能、爱骗人、满口谎话的垃圾！’”
“于是我们就站在那里握起了手，就在这时那辆卡车撞上了我们。”
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
“好吧”，他低声说，“当时，武装到牙齿的我走在这条路上，偶遇了这位全副武装的伊拉克边防军。我直视他的眼睛，喊道：‘萨达姆·侯赛因就是个低能、爱骗人、满口谎话的垃圾！’”
“他直视我的眼睛，大声回敬道，‘乔治·W·布什也是一个低能、爱骗人、满口谎话的垃圾！’”
“于是我们就站在那里握起了手，就在这时那辆卡车撞上了我们。”
--------------
Italian Girl
An American woman goes to Italy on business and asks her husband what she could bring back for him.
He laughs and says, “An Italian girl!”
一个美国女人去意大利出差，她问丈夫想要什么她可以给他带回来。
他笑着说，“一个意大利女孩！”
Italian Girl
An American woman goes to Italy on business and asks her husband what she could bring back for him.
He laughs and says, “An Italian girl!”
一个美国女人去意大利出差，她问丈夫想要什么她可以给他带回来。
他笑着说，“一个意大利女孩！”
When she returns home he picks her up at the airport and asks, “So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good,” she replies.
“And did you bring something home for me?”
“Something, did I forget?” she asks.
“The Italian girl I asked for,” he replies jokingly.
“Oh, that,” she says. “Well, I did what I could. Now we just have to wait five months to see if it’s a girl.”
等到她回国，他去机场接她，然后问道，“亲爱的，这次旅行如何啊？”
“非常棒”，她回答说。
“那你有没有给我带点什么回家？”
“什么东西，是我忘了吗？”，她问道。
“我要你带的那个意大利女孩啊”，他开玩笑地回答说。
“哦，那个啊”，她说。“好吧，我尽力了。现在我们只须等待五个月，就能知道TA是不是女孩了。”
（评论区）
“Very good,” she replies.
“And did you bring something home for me?”
“Something, did I forget?” she asks.
“The Italian girl I asked for,” he replies jokingly.
“Oh, that,” she says. “Well, I did what I could. Now we just have to wait five months to see if it’s a girl.”
等到她回国，他去机场接她，然后问道，“亲爱的，这次旅行如何啊？”
“非常棒”，她回答说。
“那你有没有给我带点什么回家？”
“什么东西，是我忘了吗？”，她问道。
“我要你带的那个意大利女孩啊”，他开玩笑地回答说。
“哦，那个啊”，她说。“好吧，我尽力了。现在我们只须等待五个月，就能知道TA是不是女孩了。”
（评论区）
Waitsfornoone
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
有个男人和一个意大利女人陷入了婚外情，持续好几年了。有天晚上，她对他讲出了真心话，说她怀孕了。
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If She stayed In Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
他不想毁掉自己的名声和婚姻，所以他给了她一大笔钱，前提是她愿意回意大利秘密地生下这个孩子。如果她能留在意大利并抚养这个孩子，他也愿意继续提供孩子的抚养费，直到这个孩子年满十八岁。
她同意了，但她问他，他准备用何种方法得知孩子的出生时间。为掩人耳目，他要求她到时候给他寄一张明信片就行，要在背面写上“意大利面”。之后他就会安排好诸般事宜，并开始支付孩子的抚养费。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
他不想毁掉自己的名声和婚姻，所以他给了她一大笔钱，前提是她愿意回意大利秘密地生下这个孩子。如果她能留在意大利并抚养这个孩子，他也愿意继续提供孩子的抚养费，直到这个孩子年满十八岁。
她同意了，但她问他，他准备用何种方法得知孩子的出生时间。为掩人耳目，他要求她到时候给他寄一张明信片就行，要在背面写上“意大利面”。之后他就会安排好诸般事宜，并开始支付孩子的抚养费。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey', she said, 'you received a very strange post card today'.
'Oh, really? Let me see...', he said. The wife gave it to him and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
大约九个月后的某一天，他回到家，发现他的妻子陷入了困惑。“亲爱的”，她说，“你今天收到了一张非常奇怪的明信片”。
“哦？真的吗？让我瞧瞧...”，他说。他妻子把明信片递给了他，然后眼看着她丈夫在读卡片的时候脸色一点点苍白下去，最后晕倒了。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
'Oh, really? Let me see...', he said. The wife gave it to him and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
大约九个月后的某一天，他回到家，发现他的妻子陷入了困惑。“亲爱的”，她说，“你今天收到了一张非常奇怪的明信片”。
“哦？真的吗？让我瞧瞧...”，他说。他妻子把明信片递给了他，然后眼看着她丈夫在读卡片的时候脸色一点点苍白下去，最后晕倒了。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
On the card was written: 'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without. Send extra sauce.'
卡片上这样写着：“意大利面，意大利面，意大利面。两份是带肉丸的，还有一份是不带的。多送点酱。”
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
卡片上这样写着：“意大利面，意大利面，意大利面。两份是带肉丸的，还有一份是不带的。多送点酱。”
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
ValyrianJedi
One of my coworkers knocked up a German bartender while we were over there on business like 5 years ago, while he was engaged at the time. His fiancee broke off the engagement, he moved the German girl over here, she had triplets. Her widowed mom met our boss at their wedding and those two are married too now. They've had two more kids since. Live down the road from me in this monster of a 6k sq ft Bavarian style house with like a 3 acre yard that there are always like 10 kids running around. She's a YouTuber/Instagram influencer now... Think him knocking a girl up in an affair on an out of country business trip is the best thing to ever happen to either of them.
大约五年前，我一同事在和我出差时，把当地的一个德国酒保的肚子给搞大了，当时他都订婚了。于是他的未婚妻就解除了婚约，他把那个德国女孩接来了我们这里，她怀着三胞胎。而她那位寡居的母亲在她们的婚礼上碰到了我们的老板，这两位现在也已经结婚了。后来又生了两个孩子。他们的住处就在我这条路上不远的地方，住在一栋贼大的巴伐利亚风格的房子里，有六千平方英尺（合557平米）呢，带一个3英亩（约合1.2万平米）大的院子，总是有十个左右的孩子在那里奔来跑去。她现在成了一位油管/Instagram网红...我认为，在跨国出差期间和一个女孩发生婚外情还把人家肚子搞大，是发生在他们两个人身上的最美好的事情了。
One of my coworkers knocked up a German bartender while we were over there on business like 5 years ago, while he was engaged at the time. His fiancee broke off the engagement, he moved the German girl over here, she had triplets. Her widowed mom met our boss at their wedding and those two are married too now. They've had two more kids since. Live down the road from me in this monster of a 6k sq ft Bavarian style house with like a 3 acre yard that there are always like 10 kids running around. She's a YouTuber/Instagram influencer now... Think him knocking a girl up in an affair on an out of country business trip is the best thing to ever happen to either of them.
大约五年前，我一同事在和我出差时，把当地的一个德国酒保的肚子给搞大了，当时他都订婚了。于是他的未婚妻就解除了婚约，他把那个德国女孩接来了我们这里，她怀着三胞胎。而她那位寡居的母亲在她们的婚礼上碰到了我们的老板，这两位现在也已经结婚了。后来又生了两个孩子。他们的住处就在我这条路上不远的地方，住在一栋贼大的巴伐利亚风格的房子里，有六千平方英尺（合557平米）呢，带一个3英亩（约合1.2万平米）大的院子，总是有十个左右的孩子在那里奔来跑去。她现在成了一位油管/Instagram网红...我认为，在跨国出差期间和一个女孩发生婚外情还把人家肚子搞大，是发生在他们两个人身上的最美好的事情了。
--------------
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
有个牛仔骑着马进入小镇，在一家酒馆门口停了下来，他想喝杯酒。不幸的是，当地人一直都有捉弄陌生人的习惯，而他就是这样的陌生人。
他喝完酒后发现他的马被偷了。于是他回到酒吧，很是灵巧地把他的手枪掷入空中，眼睛看都不看就在自己的脑袋上抓住了它，然后朝天花板开了一枪。
“是哪个狡猾之徒偷了我的马？”，他以惊人的威势大喊到。
没有人接茬。
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
有个牛仔骑着马进入小镇，在一家酒馆门口停了下来，他想喝杯酒。不幸的是，当地人一直都有捉弄陌生人的习惯，而他就是这样的陌生人。
他喝完酒后发现他的马被偷了。于是他回到酒吧，很是灵巧地把他的手枪掷入空中，眼睛看都不看就在自己的脑袋上抓住了它，然后朝天花板开了一枪。
“是哪个狡猾之徒偷了我的马？”，他以惊人的威势大喊到。
没有人接茬。
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
“好吧，我会再喝一杯啤酒，要是等我喝完我的马还没有回到店门外，我可就要干我在德克萨斯干过的那件事了！我被逼无奈在德克萨斯干出的那档子事儿可不是我喜欢的！”
有一部分当地人坐立不安，出现了一阵骚动。那人果然没有食言，又喝了一杯啤酒，走出门外，他的马已经回到了原来那根拴马柱旁。他套上马鞍，准备骑马离开这个小镇。
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
“好吧，我会再喝一杯啤酒，要是等我喝完我的马还没有回到店门外，我可就要干我在德克萨斯干过的那件事了！我被逼无奈在德克萨斯干出的那档子事儿可不是我喜欢的！”
有一部分当地人坐立不安，出现了一阵骚动。那人果然没有食言，又喝了一杯啤酒，走出门外，他的马已经回到了原来那根拴马柱旁。他套上马鞍，准备骑马离开这个小镇。
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
酒保在酒吧外徘徊，问道：“在你离开前跟我说说吧，伙计...在德克萨斯到底发生了什么事？”
牛仔回过头来，说：“当时我不得不步行回家。”
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
酒保在酒吧外徘徊，问道：“在你离开前跟我说说吧，伙计...在德克萨斯到底发生了什么事？”
牛仔回过头来，说：“当时我不得不步行回家。”
--------------
u/YZXFILE
A Dirty Joke from the 14th Century
The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275:
来自十四世纪的一个荤笑话
这个笑话出自埃诺（比利时）的让·德·康德伯爵，他生于1275年：
u/YZXFILE
A Dirty Joke from the 14th Century
The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275:
来自十四世纪的一个荤笑话
这个笑话出自埃诺（比利时）的让·德·康德伯爵，他生于1275年：
A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not.
The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress when you hold her naked in your arms. For your beard is little more than the kind of fuzz that ladies have in certain places, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pitchfork is any good."
女王和她的随从正在庭院里玩讲真话的游戏。女王问一个骑士是否已为人父，他被迫承认自己没有孩子。
女王赞许地点了点头，说：“当你把你那一丝不挂的夫人抱在怀里时，你都没有个男人样子，这样是没法取悦她的。因为你的胡须，只比女士们特定部位的那种绒毛多出一点点，而且从干草的状态中很容易就能看出干草叉好不好用。”
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress when you hold her naked in your arms. For your beard is little more than the kind of fuzz that ladies have in certain places, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pitchfork is any good."
女王和她的随从正在庭院里玩讲真话的游戏。女王问一个骑士是否已为人父，他被迫承认自己没有孩子。
女王赞许地点了点头，说：“当你把你那一丝不挂的夫人抱在怀里时，你都没有个男人样子，这样是没法取悦她的。因为你的胡须，只比女士们特定部位的那种绒毛多出一点点，而且从干草的状态中很容易就能看出干草叉好不好用。”
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
On his turn, the knight asks "Lady, answer me without deceit. Is there hair between your legs?" When she replies, "none at all", he comments, "Indeed I do believe you, for grass does not grow on a well-beaten path."
轮到骑士提问时，他说，“女士，请老老实实地回答我。你的两腿之间有毛吗？” 当她回答说“完全没有”时，他发表了如下的评论：
“我是真的相信你的话，因为被千人走万人踏的路是不会长草的。”
（评论区）
轮到骑士提问时，他说，“女士，请老老实实地回答我。你的两腿之间有毛吗？” 当她回答说“完全没有”时，他发表了如下的评论：
“我是真的相信你的话，因为被千人走万人踏的路是不会长草的。”
（评论区）
SASAgent1
Off with his head, both of them
然后他就被砍了头，两个人都被砍了头
Off with his head, both of them
然后他就被砍了头，两个人都被砍了头
--------------
u/Rabbit__King
As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.”
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
一个屠夫在呵斥一条狗，试图把它从他店里赶走，这时他看到狗嘴里叼着一张10美元的钞票以及一张纸条，上面写着：“请给我五块羊排”。
惊讶不已的他接过钱，把一袋羊排挂进狗嘴里，然后迅速关了店。
u/Rabbit__King
As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.”
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
一个屠夫在呵斥一条狗，试图把它从他店里赶走，这时他看到狗嘴里叼着一张10美元的钞票以及一张纸条，上面写着：“请给我五块羊排”。
惊讶不已的他接过钱，把一袋羊排挂进狗嘴里，然后迅速关了店。
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus- stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the “stop” bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.
他跟着那条狗，看着它等绿灯，看着它左顾右盼然后小跑着穿过马路，来到一个公共汽车站。那狗查看了时间表，然后坐在长椅上。当一辆公交车到站时，它绕到车前方，看了看车的号码，然后登上了这辆车。屠夫跟在后面，目瞪口呆。当公交车驶入郊区时，狗还欣赏起风景来了。过了一会儿，它直立起来用前爪按下了“停车”铃，然后屠夫跟着它下了车。那狗跑到一栋房子前，把那包羊排扔在台阶上。它跑回小路上，然后又高速跑过来，然后“砰”的一声飞身撞在了门上。它一次又一次地这样做。一直得不过回应。于是它跳上了墙，绕着花园走来走去，用头敲窗户，然后又跳下来，等在了前门口。一个大块头打了门，然后开始对着狗骂骂咧咧。
他跟着那条狗，看着它等绿灯，看着它左顾右盼然后小跑着穿过马路，来到一个公共汽车站。那狗查看了时间表，然后坐在长椅上。当一辆公交车到站时，它绕到车前方，看了看车的号码，然后登上了这辆车。屠夫跟在后面，目瞪口呆。当公交车驶入郊区时，狗还欣赏起风景来了。过了一会儿，它直立起来用前爪按下了“停车”铃，然后屠夫跟着它下了车。那狗跑到一栋房子前，把那包羊排扔在台阶上。它跑回小路上，然后又高速跑过来，然后“砰”的一声飞身撞在了门上。它一次又一次地这样做。一直得不过回应。于是它跳上了墙，绕着花园走来走去，用头敲窗户，然后又跳下来，等在了前门口。一个大块头打了门，然后开始对着狗骂骂咧咧。
The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: “What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!” The owner responds, “Genius, my ass… It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys!”
屠夫跑上前去，对那个家伙大喊。“你TMD在干什么？这狗可是个天才！” 主人回答说，“天才你妹...这是它这周第二次忘记带钥匙了！”
（评论区）
屠夫跑上前去，对那个家伙大喊。“你TMD在干什么？这狗可是个天才！” 主人回答说，“天才你妹...这是它这周第二次忘记带钥匙了！”
（评论区）
Alexander556
Funny enough there are street dogs in moscow which have learned to use the subway to travel from the part of town they live in, to their "place of work" in the inner city.
They recognise the announcments and leave at their destination, they found ways to exploit certain weaknesses of "the system", by sending the cutest dog to beg for food and share with the rest of the pack. They also scare people, who just bought food, by barking so they might drop the food and leave it for the dogs.
有趣的是，在莫斯科，有些流浪狗已经学会了搭乘地铁从它们住的地方去往它们在内城的“工作地”。
它们能听懂（地铁）广播并在到达目的地时下车，它们找到了利用某些特定“系统”弱点的方法，方法就是派出最可爱的狗狗去乞讨食物，然后再和狗群中的其他成员分享。它们还通过吠叫来吓唬刚买到食物的人，这样他们就可能会放下食物，将其留给狗。
Funny enough there are street dogs in moscow which have learned to use the subway to travel from the part of town they live in, to their "place of work" in the inner city.
They recognise the announcments and leave at their destination, they found ways to exploit certain weaknesses of "the system", by sending the cutest dog to beg for food and share with the rest of the pack. They also scare people, who just bought food, by barking so they might drop the food and leave it for the dogs.
有趣的是，在莫斯科，有些流浪狗已经学会了搭乘地铁从它们住的地方去往它们在内城的“工作地”。
它们能听懂（地铁）广播并在到达目的地时下车，它们找到了利用某些特定“系统”弱点的方法，方法就是派出最可爱的狗狗去乞讨食物，然后再和狗群中的其他成员分享。它们还通过吠叫来吓唬刚买到食物的人，这样他们就可能会放下食物，将其留给狗。
It is only a matter of time till they figure out how to use money, and then we will see the top dogs run the dog eats dog economy.
他们学会花钱只是个时间问题，然后我们就会看到，狗中龙凤们管理起了这个狗咬狗的经济体。
他们学会花钱只是个时间问题，然后我们就会看到，狗中龙凤们管理起了这个狗咬狗的经济体。
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