英国出生的20岁华裔女生询问：中国的约会文化是什么样的？尤其是南方地区
正文翻译
[20F] Dating culture in China (especially south)
原标题：[20 岁女生]中国的约会文化（尤其是南方地区）
[20F] I am a BBC (British born Chinese), raised by a traditional Chinese family, my father's side hails from Taishan, while my mother is ethnically Chinese, but grew up in Malaysia.
[20岁女性] 我是 BBC（英国出生的华裔），在一个传统华人家庭长大，父亲来自台山，母亲是华裔但在马来西亚长大。
Compared to others my age, I am aware that I am very conservative (at least in the UK). I do not drink, take drugs, dress in revealing clothing, go to pubs, swear, nor have I ever been inclined to. Also rarely uses social media. I don't really trust myself to describe my own personality, so I'll parrot some of the things others have often described me as.
与其他同龄人相比，我意识到自己非常保守（至少在英国是这样）。我不喝酒、不吸毒、不穿暴露的衣服、不去酒吧、不说脏话，也从未有过这些倾向。也很少使用社交媒体。我不太相信自己能准确描述自己的性格，所以就转述一些别人经常形容我的词汇。
Reserved, quiet, calm, kind, logical-thinking, well spoken, old fashioned, and extremely well mannered with strong morals. Prim and proper, but very shy, quite naive with a low self esteem and a tendency for overthinking and underestimating herself. According to my father, I act like a little Victorian maiden sometimes.
矜持、安静、沉稳、善良、思维理性、谈吐得体、观念传统、极其礼貌且道德感强烈。端庄得体，但非常害羞，有些天真且自卑，容易过度思考并低估自己。用我父亲的话说，我有时候表现得像个维多利亚时代的小淑女。
I am reasonably educated, having been the top student of a private primary school and gotten into the best grammar secondary in the city where I averaged an A at GCSE level, I want to go to uni to learn Mandarin (I can only speak conversational Cantonese, I spoke Mandarin...until I went to primary school and forgot it all), then potentially get a job teaching English.
我受过良好的教育，曾是一所私立小学的尖子生，并考入了全市最好的文法中学，在 GCSE 阶段平均成绩为 A。我打算去大学学习汉语（目前只会说粤语口语，普通话...本来会说，但上小学后全忘了），之后可能会找份英语教师的工作。
I am also a woman who does not want to be intimate with a man without loving him deeply. And I also want him to have a similar mindset to mine, as well as having not slept around himself. The thought of making love with a man I do not love, or something entering me that has been in someone else completely repulses me and makes my stomach churn, I wish to give myself only to a man who really treasures me as an act of love, as something truly special to be shared. I think a classmate once described me as demisexual I want to be with a man who also only is willing to be intimate within a loving, secure relationship with a strong emotional bonds. I absolutely hate Western hookup culture, and have a date to marry mindset. I am also attracted to only Chinese men as well, and hold the same, or similar traditional values.
我也是个不愿与没有深爱之情的男子发生亲密关系的女性。我希望对方能与我心意相通，也同样保持洁身自好。光是想到要和不爱的人肌肤相亲，或是接纳曾与他人交融的身体部分，就令我反胃作呕。我愿将自己全然交付给真正珍视我的良人，将此视为爱的仪式，作为至为珍贵的奉献。记得有位同学说我属于半性恋？我向往的伴侣也应当只愿在充满爱意、安全感与深厚情感联结的关系中亲密。我极度厌恶西方的约炮文化，持守以结婚为目的恋爱的理念。此外我也只对中国男性心动，秉承相同或相近的传统价值观。
I've always had a romantic soul, having adored tales of chivalry and such since I was a little girl (not saying he has to make any grand gestures or chase me, just that I appreciate a bit of an old-school flair or gentlemanly behaviour!)
从小我就怀揣浪漫情怀，自少女时代便醉心于骑士文学（当然并非要求对方要有惊天动地的追求举动，只是格外欣赏那种古典风范与君子仪态）。
I remember growing up, my mother warning me about bad men who will try to trick me and put me under the illusion that they love me and share my values so they can sleep with me, and then dump me afterwards. I can't express just how much that absolutely terrifies me, I would be completely heartbroken. I've heard this happen to several of my classmates.
记得小时候，母亲总警告我要小心那些坏男人。他们善于伪装，假装爱我、认同我的价值观，只为骗取亲密关系，然后无情抛弃。这种可能性让我恐惧至极，若真遭遇定会心碎不已。我就有好几位女同学经历过这样的伤害。
I really don't think I would want to stay in the UK in the future, despite having been born here, the culture does not mesh with me AT ALL, and I have always gotten along far better with people from a similar ethic background as myself. I want to leave for China (most likely), Taiwan, Malaysia, or Singapore.
虽然出生在英国，但我完全不认同这里的文化氛围，始终觉得和相同族裔背景的人相处更自在。未来我决意离开——最可能去中国大陆，也可能是台湾（地区）、马来西亚或新加坡。
I have visited China twice, specifically around ShenzhenGuangzhouFoshan, and loved it so much! I found the people there very easy to connect with. My mother's friends, who I was staying with, mentioned that the culture here suited me a lot more than the UK, which I agreed on. Apparently, even my values surroundingapproaching romance and intimacy would be far more standard here, which if true, is a massive merit.
我曾两次到访中国，主要在深圳广州佛山一带，那里的风土人情令我沉醉。借住母亲友人家时，那些长辈们都说比起英国，我显然更适合这里的生活方式。更意外的是，据说我对待感情和亲密关系的观念在这里才是主流——若真如此，那可真是巨大的优势。
But then again, I have only visited twice, so of course I can't just decide for sure that I want to be in China for my future. A big part of the appeal would depend on the dating culture here. The impression my family and mother's friends have given me is that my values and goals would be far easier to find and more widespread than in the UK, which (in the case that is indeed correct), would give me a big incentive to go there for university, find a man, and settle down there.
但话说回来，我只去过中国两次，自然无法确定未来是否要定居那里。婚恋文化会是影响我决定的重要因素。家人和母亲朋友给我的印象是，相比英国，我的价值观和人生目标在中国更容易找到共鸣且更为普遍——如果确实如此，这将极大激励我去中国读大学、寻找伴侣并定居。
But is this actually true I read through some Reddit posts, and a lot of commentors have stated that cheating is notoriously common in China, and that a lot of husbands treat their wives very poorly, which is really frightening to read. Regarding the family I was staying with, the husband and wife seemed to love each other deeply, even if it wasn't in an openly lovey-dovey way, and seemed extremely loyal to each other.
但事实果真如此吗？我浏览了些 Reddit 帖子，许多评论称出轨在中国相当普遍，不少丈夫对待妻子非常恶劣，这些描述令人心惊。就我所寄宿的家庭而言，那对夫妻虽不常公开展示恩爱，但显然深爱彼此，对婚姻也极为忠诚。
So I just wanted to hear from a broader group of voices actually living there how true or untrue are all of these things I am hearing How good of I fit would I be there I just want a clearer, more accurate view of what I should be expecting regarding values surrounding dating in Southern China, and what the dating culture is like there.
我想听听真正生活在那里的人们的广泛意见：我听到的这些说法有多少是真实的，又有多少是不真实的？我在那里会有多合适？我只想更清晰、更准确地了解中国南方关于约会的价值观以及那里的约会文化是什么样的。
Edit If it's of any relevance at all, I'm generally considered by Chinese to be above average in terms of appearance, I have very pale skin, double eyelids. NOT to toot my own horn or anything, but even though I've pretty much been ignored by Western men (which is fine, I'm not interested in them anyway), a lot of Chinese and Hongkongese have said that I am beautiful or good-looking, despite not being skinny (I am 160cm and 53KG).
编辑：如果有什么相关性的话，我在中国人眼中通常被认为外貌高于平均水平，我有非常白皙的皮肤和双眼皮。不是自我吹嘘，尽管我基本上被西方男性忽视（这没问题，反正我对他们不感兴趣），但很多中国人和香港（特区）人都说我漂亮或好看，尽管我不瘦（我身高 160 厘米，体重 53 公斤）。
I've been described to have a 甜樣 by a considerable proportion of my mother's friends, men and women alike. My mother's friends even said men would actively pursue after me at university if I did decide to study there, so local beauty standards are not an issue. I would be concerned about men going after me for the wrong reasons due to this.
我母亲相当一部分的朋友，无论男女，都说我有一张“甜美的脸”。我母亲的朋友甚至说，如果我决定在那里上大学，男人们会主动追求我，所以当地的审美标准不是问题。我担心的是，因为这可能会让男性出于错误的理由追求我。
原标题：[20 岁女生]中国的约会文化（尤其是南方地区）
[20F] I am a BBC (British born Chinese), raised by a traditional Chinese family, my father's side hails from Taishan, while my mother is ethnically Chinese, but grew up in Malaysia.
[20岁女性] 我是 BBC（英国出生的华裔），在一个传统华人家庭长大，父亲来自台山，母亲是华裔但在马来西亚长大。
Compared to others my age, I am aware that I am very conservative (at least in the UK). I do not drink, take drugs, dress in revealing clothing, go to pubs, swear, nor have I ever been inclined to. Also rarely uses social media. I don't really trust myself to describe my own personality, so I'll parrot some of the things others have often described me as.
与其他同龄人相比，我意识到自己非常保守（至少在英国是这样）。我不喝酒、不吸毒、不穿暴露的衣服、不去酒吧、不说脏话，也从未有过这些倾向。也很少使用社交媒体。我不太相信自己能准确描述自己的性格，所以就转述一些别人经常形容我的词汇。
Reserved, quiet, calm, kind, logical-thinking, well spoken, old fashioned, and extremely well mannered with strong morals. Prim and proper, but very shy, quite naive with a low self esteem and a tendency for overthinking and underestimating herself. According to my father, I act like a little Victorian maiden sometimes.
矜持、安静、沉稳、善良、思维理性、谈吐得体、观念传统、极其礼貌且道德感强烈。端庄得体，但非常害羞，有些天真且自卑，容易过度思考并低估自己。用我父亲的话说，我有时候表现得像个维多利亚时代的小淑女。
I am reasonably educated, having been the top student of a private primary school and gotten into the best grammar secondary in the city where I averaged an A at GCSE level, I want to go to uni to learn Mandarin (I can only speak conversational Cantonese, I spoke Mandarin...until I went to primary school and forgot it all), then potentially get a job teaching English.
我受过良好的教育，曾是一所私立小学的尖子生，并考入了全市最好的文法中学，在 GCSE 阶段平均成绩为 A。我打算去大学学习汉语（目前只会说粤语口语，普通话...本来会说，但上小学后全忘了），之后可能会找份英语教师的工作。
I am also a woman who does not want to be intimate with a man without loving him deeply. And I also want him to have a similar mindset to mine, as well as having not slept around himself. The thought of making love with a man I do not love, or something entering me that has been in someone else completely repulses me and makes my stomach churn, I wish to give myself only to a man who really treasures me as an act of love, as something truly special to be shared. I think a classmate once described me as demisexual I want to be with a man who also only is willing to be intimate within a loving, secure relationship with a strong emotional bonds. I absolutely hate Western hookup culture, and have a date to marry mindset. I am also attracted to only Chinese men as well, and hold the same, or similar traditional values.
我也是个不愿与没有深爱之情的男子发生亲密关系的女性。我希望对方能与我心意相通，也同样保持洁身自好。光是想到要和不爱的人肌肤相亲，或是接纳曾与他人交融的身体部分，就令我反胃作呕。我愿将自己全然交付给真正珍视我的良人，将此视为爱的仪式，作为至为珍贵的奉献。记得有位同学说我属于半性恋？我向往的伴侣也应当只愿在充满爱意、安全感与深厚情感联结的关系中亲密。我极度厌恶西方的约炮文化，持守以结婚为目的恋爱的理念。此外我也只对中国男性心动，秉承相同或相近的传统价值观。
I've always had a romantic soul, having adored tales of chivalry and such since I was a little girl (not saying he has to make any grand gestures or chase me, just that I appreciate a bit of an old-school flair or gentlemanly behaviour!)
从小我就怀揣浪漫情怀，自少女时代便醉心于骑士文学（当然并非要求对方要有惊天动地的追求举动，只是格外欣赏那种古典风范与君子仪态）。
I remember growing up, my mother warning me about bad men who will try to trick me and put me under the illusion that they love me and share my values so they can sleep with me, and then dump me afterwards. I can't express just how much that absolutely terrifies me, I would be completely heartbroken. I've heard this happen to several of my classmates.
记得小时候，母亲总警告我要小心那些坏男人。他们善于伪装，假装爱我、认同我的价值观，只为骗取亲密关系，然后无情抛弃。这种可能性让我恐惧至极，若真遭遇定会心碎不已。我就有好几位女同学经历过这样的伤害。
I really don't think I would want to stay in the UK in the future, despite having been born here, the culture does not mesh with me AT ALL, and I have always gotten along far better with people from a similar ethic background as myself. I want to leave for China (most likely), Taiwan, Malaysia, or Singapore.
虽然出生在英国，但我完全不认同这里的文化氛围，始终觉得和相同族裔背景的人相处更自在。未来我决意离开——最可能去中国大陆，也可能是台湾（地区）、马来西亚或新加坡。
I have visited China twice, specifically around ShenzhenGuangzhouFoshan, and loved it so much! I found the people there very easy to connect with. My mother's friends, who I was staying with, mentioned that the culture here suited me a lot more than the UK, which I agreed on. Apparently, even my values surroundingapproaching romance and intimacy would be far more standard here, which if true, is a massive merit.
我曾两次到访中国，主要在深圳广州佛山一带，那里的风土人情令我沉醉。借住母亲友人家时，那些长辈们都说比起英国，我显然更适合这里的生活方式。更意外的是，据说我对待感情和亲密关系的观念在这里才是主流——若真如此，那可真是巨大的优势。
But then again, I have only visited twice, so of course I can't just decide for sure that I want to be in China for my future. A big part of the appeal would depend on the dating culture here. The impression my family and mother's friends have given me is that my values and goals would be far easier to find and more widespread than in the UK, which (in the case that is indeed correct), would give me a big incentive to go there for university, find a man, and settle down there.
但话说回来，我只去过中国两次，自然无法确定未来是否要定居那里。婚恋文化会是影响我决定的重要因素。家人和母亲朋友给我的印象是，相比英国，我的价值观和人生目标在中国更容易找到共鸣且更为普遍——如果确实如此，这将极大激励我去中国读大学、寻找伴侣并定居。
But is this actually true I read through some Reddit posts, and a lot of commentors have stated that cheating is notoriously common in China, and that a lot of husbands treat their wives very poorly, which is really frightening to read. Regarding the family I was staying with, the husband and wife seemed to love each other deeply, even if it wasn't in an openly lovey-dovey way, and seemed extremely loyal to each other.
但事实果真如此吗？我浏览了些 Reddit 帖子，许多评论称出轨在中国相当普遍，不少丈夫对待妻子非常恶劣，这些描述令人心惊。就我所寄宿的家庭而言，那对夫妻虽不常公开展示恩爱，但显然深爱彼此，对婚姻也极为忠诚。
So I just wanted to hear from a broader group of voices actually living there how true or untrue are all of these things I am hearing How good of I fit would I be there I just want a clearer, more accurate view of what I should be expecting regarding values surrounding dating in Southern China, and what the dating culture is like there.
我想听听真正生活在那里的人们的广泛意见：我听到的这些说法有多少是真实的，又有多少是不真实的？我在那里会有多合适？我只想更清晰、更准确地了解中国南方关于约会的价值观以及那里的约会文化是什么样的。
Edit If it's of any relevance at all, I'm generally considered by Chinese to be above average in terms of appearance, I have very pale skin, double eyelids. NOT to toot my own horn or anything, but even though I've pretty much been ignored by Western men (which is fine, I'm not interested in them anyway), a lot of Chinese and Hongkongese have said that I am beautiful or good-looking, despite not being skinny (I am 160cm and 53KG).
编辑：如果有什么相关性的话，我在中国人眼中通常被认为外貌高于平均水平，我有非常白皙的皮肤和双眼皮。不是自我吹嘘，尽管我基本上被西方男性忽视（这没问题，反正我对他们不感兴趣），但很多中国人和香港（特区）人都说我漂亮或好看，尽管我不瘦（我身高 160 厘米，体重 53 公斤）。
I've been described to have a 甜樣 by a considerable proportion of my mother's friends, men and women alike. My mother's friends even said men would actively pursue after me at university if I did decide to study there, so local beauty standards are not an issue. I would be concerned about men going after me for the wrong reasons due to this.
我母亲相当一部分的朋友，无论男女，都说我有一张“甜美的脸”。我母亲的朋友甚至说，如果我决定在那里上大学，男人们会主动追求我，所以当地的审美标准不是问题。我担心的是，因为这可能会让男性出于错误的理由追求我。
评论翻译
[20F] Dating culture in China (especially south)
原标题：[20 岁女生]中国的约会文化（尤其是南方地区）
[20F] I am a BBC (British born Chinese), raised by a traditional Chinese family, my father's side hails from Taishan, while my mother is ethnically Chinese, but grew up in Malaysia.
[20岁女性] 我是 BBC（英国出生的华裔），在一个传统华人家庭长大，父亲来自台山，母亲是华裔但在马来西亚长大。
Compared to others my age, I am aware that I am very conservative (at least in the UK). I do not drink, take drugs, dress in revealing clothing, go to pubs, swear, nor have I ever been inclined to. Also rarely uses social media. I don't really trust myself to describe my own personality, so I'll parrot some of the things others have often described me as.
与其他同龄人相比，我意识到自己非常保守（至少在英国是这样）。我不喝酒、不吸毒、不穿暴露的衣服、不去酒吧、不说脏话，也从未有过这些倾向。也很少使用社交媒体。我不太相信自己能准确描述自己的性格，所以就转述一些别人经常形容我的词汇。
Reserved, quiet, calm, kind, logical-thinking, well spoken, old fashioned, and extremely well mannered with strong morals. Prim and proper, but very shy, quite naive with a low self esteem and a tendency for overthinking and underestimating herself. According to my father, I act like a little Victorian maiden sometimes.
矜持、安静、沉稳、善良、思维理性、谈吐得体、观念传统、极其礼貌且道德感强烈。端庄得体，但非常害羞，有些天真且自卑，容易过度思考并低估自己。用我父亲的话说，我有时候表现得像个维多利亚时代的小淑女。
I am reasonably educated, having been the top student of a private primary school and gotten into the best grammar secondary in the city where I averaged an A at GCSE level, I want to go to uni to learn Mandarin (I can only speak conversational Cantonese, I spoke Mandarin...until I went to primary school and forgot it all), then potentially get a job teaching English.
我受过良好的教育，曾是一所私立小学的尖子生，并考入了全市最好的文法中学，在 GCSE 阶段平均成绩为 A。我打算去大学学习汉语（目前只会说粤语口语，普通话...本来会说，但上小学后全忘了），之后可能会找份英语教师的工作。
I am also a woman who does not want to be intimate with a man without loving him deeply. And I also want him to have a similar mindset to mine, as well as having not slept around himself. The thought of making love with a man I do not love, or something entering me that has been in someone else completely repulses me and makes my stomach churn, I wish to give myself only to a man who really treasures me as an act of love, as something truly special to be shared. I think a classmate once described me as demisexual I want to be with a man who also only is willing to be intimate within a loving, secure relationship with a strong emotional bonds. I absolutely hate Western hookup culture, and have a date to marry mindset. I am also attracted to only Chinese men as well, and hold the same, or similar traditional values.
我也是个不愿与没有深爱之情的男子发生亲密关系的女性。我希望对方能与我心意相通，也同样保持洁身自好。光是想到要和不爱的人肌肤相亲，或是接纳曾与他人交融的身体部分，就令我反胃作呕。我愿将自己全然交付给真正珍视我的良人，将此视为爱的仪式，作为至为珍贵的奉献。记得有位同学说我属于半性恋？我向往的伴侣也应当只愿在充满爱意、安全感与深厚情感联结的关系中亲密。我极度厌恶西方的约炮文化，持守以结婚为目的恋爱的理念。此外我也只对中国男性心动，秉承相同或相近的传统价值观。
I've always had a romantic soul, having adored tales of chivalry and such since I was a little girl (not saying he has to make any grand gestures or chase me, just that I appreciate a bit of an old-school flair or gentlemanly behaviour!)
从小我就怀揣浪漫情怀，自少女时代便醉心于骑士文学（当然并非要求对方要有惊天动地的追求举动，只是格外欣赏那种古典风范与君子仪态）。
I remember growing up, my mother warning me about bad men who will try to trick me and put me under the illusion that they love me and share my values so they can sleep with me, and then dump me afterwards. I can't express just how much that absolutely terrifies me, I would be completely heartbroken. I've heard this happen to several of my classmates.
记得小时候，母亲总警告我要小心那些坏男人。他们善于伪装，假装爱我、认同我的价值观，只为骗取亲密关系，然后无情抛弃。这种可能性让我恐惧至极，若真遭遇定会心碎不已。我就有好几位女同学经历过这样的伤害。
I really don't think I would want to stay in the UK in the future, despite having been born here, the culture does not mesh with me AT ALL, and I have always gotten along far better with people from a similar ethic background as myself. I want to leave for China (most likely), Taiwan, Malaysia, or Singapore.
虽然出生在英国，但我完全不认同这里的文化氛围，始终觉得和相同族裔背景的人相处更自在。未来我决意离开——最可能去中国大陆，也可能是台湾（地区）、马来西亚或新加坡。
I have visited China twice, specifically around ShenzhenGuangzhouFoshan, and loved it so much! I found the people there very easy to connect with. My mother's friends, who I was staying with, mentioned that the culture here suited me a lot more than the UK, which I agreed on. Apparently, even my values surroundingapproaching romance and intimacy would be far more standard here, which if true, is a massive merit.
我曾两次到访中国，主要在深圳广州佛山一带，那里的风土人情令我沉醉。借住母亲友人家时，那些长辈们都说比起英国，我显然更适合这里的生活方式。更意外的是，据说我对待感情和亲密关系的观念在这里才是主流——若真如此，那可真是巨大的优势。
But then again, I have only visited twice, so of course I can't just decide for sure that I want to be in China for my future. A big part of the appeal would depend on the dating culture here. The impression my family and mother's friends have given me is that my values and goals would be far easier to find and more widespread than in the UK, which (in the case that is indeed correct), would give me a big incentive to go there for university, find a man, and settle down there.
但话说回来，我只去过中国两次，自然无法确定未来是否要定居那里。婚恋文化会是影响我决定的重要因素。家人和母亲朋友给我的印象是，相比英国，我的价值观和人生目标在中国更容易找到共鸣且更为普遍——如果确实如此，这将极大激励我去中国读大学、寻找伴侣并定居。
But is this actually true I read through some Reddit posts, and a lot of commentors have stated that cheating is notoriously common in China, and that a lot of husbands treat their wives very poorly, which is really frightening to read. Regarding the family I was staying with, the husband and wife seemed to love each other deeply, even if it wasn't in an openly lovey-dovey way, and seemed extremely loyal to each other.
但事实果真如此吗？我浏览了些 Reddit 帖子，许多评论称出轨在中国相当普遍，不少丈夫对待妻子非常恶劣，这些描述令人心惊。就我所寄宿的家庭而言，那对夫妻虽不常公开展示恩爱，但显然深爱彼此，对婚姻也极为忠诚。
So I just wanted to hear from a broader group of voices actually living there how true or untrue are all of these things I am hearing How good of I fit would I be there I just want a clearer, more accurate view of what I should be expecting regarding values surrounding dating in Southern China, and what the dating culture is like there.
我想听听真正生活在那里的人们的广泛意见：我听到的这些说法有多少是真实的，又有多少是不真实的？我在那里会有多合适？我只想更清晰、更准确地了解中国南方关于约会的价值观以及那里的约会文化是什么样的。
Edit If it's of any relevance at all, I'm generally considered by Chinese to be above average in terms of appearance, I have very pale skin, double eyelids. NOT to toot my own horn or anything, but even though I've pretty much been ignored by Western men (which is fine, I'm not interested in them anyway), a lot of Chinese and Hongkongese have said that I am beautiful or good-looking, despite not being skinny (I am 160cm and 53KG).
编辑：如果有什么相关性的话，我在中国人眼中通常被认为外貌高于平均水平，我有非常白皙的皮肤和双眼皮。不是自我吹嘘，尽管我基本上被西方男性忽视（这没问题，反正我对他们不感兴趣），但很多中国人和香港（特区）人都说我漂亮或好看，尽管我不瘦（我身高 160 厘米，体重 53 公斤）。
I've been described to have a 甜樣 by a considerable proportion of my mother's friends, men and women alike. My mother's friends even said men would actively pursue after me at university if I did decide to study there, so local beauty standards are not an issue. I would be concerned about men going after me for the wrong reasons due to this.
我母亲相当一部分的朋友，无论男女，都说我有一张“甜美的脸”。我母亲的朋友甚至说，如果我决定在那里上大学，男人们会主动追求我，所以当地的审美标准不是问题。我担心的是，因为这可能会让男性出于错误的理由追求我。
原标题：[20 岁女生]中国的约会文化（尤其是南方地区）
[20F] I am a BBC (British born Chinese), raised by a traditional Chinese family, my father's side hails from Taishan, while my mother is ethnically Chinese, but grew up in Malaysia.
[20岁女性] 我是 BBC（英国出生的华裔），在一个传统华人家庭长大，父亲来自台山，母亲是华裔但在马来西亚长大。
Compared to others my age, I am aware that I am very conservative (at least in the UK). I do not drink, take drugs, dress in revealing clothing, go to pubs, swear, nor have I ever been inclined to. Also rarely uses social media. I don't really trust myself to describe my own personality, so I'll parrot some of the things others have often described me as.
与其他同龄人相比，我意识到自己非常保守（至少在英国是这样）。我不喝酒、不吸毒、不穿暴露的衣服、不去酒吧、不说脏话，也从未有过这些倾向。也很少使用社交媒体。我不太相信自己能准确描述自己的性格，所以就转述一些别人经常形容我的词汇。
Reserved, quiet, calm, kind, logical-thinking, well spoken, old fashioned, and extremely well mannered with strong morals. Prim and proper, but very shy, quite naive with a low self esteem and a tendency for overthinking and underestimating herself. According to my father, I act like a little Victorian maiden sometimes.
矜持、安静、沉稳、善良、思维理性、谈吐得体、观念传统、极其礼貌且道德感强烈。端庄得体，但非常害羞，有些天真且自卑，容易过度思考并低估自己。用我父亲的话说，我有时候表现得像个维多利亚时代的小淑女。
I am reasonably educated, having been the top student of a private primary school and gotten into the best grammar secondary in the city where I averaged an A at GCSE level, I want to go to uni to learn Mandarin (I can only speak conversational Cantonese, I spoke Mandarin...until I went to primary school and forgot it all), then potentially get a job teaching English.
我受过良好的教育，曾是一所私立小学的尖子生，并考入了全市最好的文法中学，在 GCSE 阶段平均成绩为 A。我打算去大学学习汉语（目前只会说粤语口语，普通话...本来会说，但上小学后全忘了），之后可能会找份英语教师的工作。
I am also a woman who does not want to be intimate with a man without loving him deeply. And I also want him to have a similar mindset to mine, as well as having not slept around himself. The thought of making love with a man I do not love, or something entering me that has been in someone else completely repulses me and makes my stomach churn, I wish to give myself only to a man who really treasures me as an act of love, as something truly special to be shared. I think a classmate once described me as demisexual I want to be with a man who also only is willing to be intimate within a loving, secure relationship with a strong emotional bonds. I absolutely hate Western hookup culture, and have a date to marry mindset. I am also attracted to only Chinese men as well, and hold the same, or similar traditional values.
我也是个不愿与没有深爱之情的男子发生亲密关系的女性。我希望对方能与我心意相通，也同样保持洁身自好。光是想到要和不爱的人肌肤相亲，或是接纳曾与他人交融的身体部分，就令我反胃作呕。我愿将自己全然交付给真正珍视我的良人，将此视为爱的仪式，作为至为珍贵的奉献。记得有位同学说我属于半性恋？我向往的伴侣也应当只愿在充满爱意、安全感与深厚情感联结的关系中亲密。我极度厌恶西方的约炮文化，持守以结婚为目的恋爱的理念。此外我也只对中国男性心动，秉承相同或相近的传统价值观。
I've always had a romantic soul, having adored tales of chivalry and such since I was a little girl (not saying he has to make any grand gestures or chase me, just that I appreciate a bit of an old-school flair or gentlemanly behaviour!)
从小我就怀揣浪漫情怀，自少女时代便醉心于骑士文学（当然并非要求对方要有惊天动地的追求举动，只是格外欣赏那种古典风范与君子仪态）。
I remember growing up, my mother warning me about bad men who will try to trick me and put me under the illusion that they love me and share my values so they can sleep with me, and then dump me afterwards. I can't express just how much that absolutely terrifies me, I would be completely heartbroken. I've heard this happen to several of my classmates.
记得小时候，母亲总警告我要小心那些坏男人。他们善于伪装，假装爱我、认同我的价值观，只为骗取亲密关系，然后无情抛弃。这种可能性让我恐惧至极，若真遭遇定会心碎不已。我就有好几位女同学经历过这样的伤害。
I really don't think I would want to stay in the UK in the future, despite having been born here, the culture does not mesh with me AT ALL, and I have always gotten along far better with people from a similar ethic background as myself. I want to leave for China (most likely), Taiwan, Malaysia, or Singapore.
虽然出生在英国，但我完全不认同这里的文化氛围，始终觉得和相同族裔背景的人相处更自在。未来我决意离开——最可能去中国大陆，也可能是台湾（地区）、马来西亚或新加坡。
I have visited China twice, specifically around ShenzhenGuangzhouFoshan, and loved it so much! I found the people there very easy to connect with. My mother's friends, who I was staying with, mentioned that the culture here suited me a lot more than the UK, which I agreed on. Apparently, even my values surroundingapproaching romance and intimacy would be far more standard here, which if true, is a massive merit.
我曾两次到访中国，主要在深圳广州佛山一带，那里的风土人情令我沉醉。借住母亲友人家时，那些长辈们都说比起英国，我显然更适合这里的生活方式。更意外的是，据说我对待感情和亲密关系的观念在这里才是主流——若真如此，那可真是巨大的优势。
But then again, I have only visited twice, so of course I can't just decide for sure that I want to be in China for my future. A big part of the appeal would depend on the dating culture here. The impression my family and mother's friends have given me is that my values and goals would be far easier to find and more widespread than in the UK, which (in the case that is indeed correct), would give me a big incentive to go there for university, find a man, and settle down there.
但话说回来，我只去过中国两次，自然无法确定未来是否要定居那里。婚恋文化会是影响我决定的重要因素。家人和母亲朋友给我的印象是，相比英国，我的价值观和人生目标在中国更容易找到共鸣且更为普遍——如果确实如此，这将极大激励我去中国读大学、寻找伴侣并定居。
But is this actually true I read through some Reddit posts, and a lot of commentors have stated that cheating is notoriously common in China, and that a lot of husbands treat their wives very poorly, which is really frightening to read. Regarding the family I was staying with, the husband and wife seemed to love each other deeply, even if it wasn't in an openly lovey-dovey way, and seemed extremely loyal to each other.
但事实果真如此吗？我浏览了些 Reddit 帖子，许多评论称出轨在中国相当普遍，不少丈夫对待妻子非常恶劣，这些描述令人心惊。就我所寄宿的家庭而言，那对夫妻虽不常公开展示恩爱，但显然深爱彼此，对婚姻也极为忠诚。
So I just wanted to hear from a broader group of voices actually living there how true or untrue are all of these things I am hearing How good of I fit would I be there I just want a clearer, more accurate view of what I should be expecting regarding values surrounding dating in Southern China, and what the dating culture is like there.
我想听听真正生活在那里的人们的广泛意见：我听到的这些说法有多少是真实的，又有多少是不真实的？我在那里会有多合适？我只想更清晰、更准确地了解中国南方关于约会的价值观以及那里的约会文化是什么样的。
Edit If it's of any relevance at all, I'm generally considered by Chinese to be above average in terms of appearance, I have very pale skin, double eyelids. NOT to toot my own horn or anything, but even though I've pretty much been ignored by Western men (which is fine, I'm not interested in them anyway), a lot of Chinese and Hongkongese have said that I am beautiful or good-looking, despite not being skinny (I am 160cm and 53KG).
编辑：如果有什么相关性的话，我在中国人眼中通常被认为外貌高于平均水平，我有非常白皙的皮肤和双眼皮。不是自我吹嘘，尽管我基本上被西方男性忽视（这没问题，反正我对他们不感兴趣），但很多中国人和香港（特区）人都说我漂亮或好看，尽管我不瘦（我身高 160 厘米，体重 53 公斤）。
I've been described to have a 甜樣 by a considerable proportion of my mother's friends, men and women alike. My mother's friends even said men would actively pursue after me at university if I did decide to study there, so local beauty standards are not an issue. I would be concerned about men going after me for the wrong reasons due to this.
我母亲相当一部分的朋友，无论男女，都说我有一张“甜美的脸”。我母亲的朋友甚至说，如果我决定在那里上大学，男人们会主动追求我，所以当地的审美标准不是问题。我担心的是，因为这可能会让男性出于错误的理由追求我。
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