我丈夫被邀请参加他妈妈的生日晚宴。他没有邀请我去，因为他妈妈不喜欢我，而是问他是否可以带我们的孩子去。他们走了，我留在家里哭。我该怎么办？
正文翻译
我丈夫被邀请参加他妈妈的生日晚宴。他没有邀请我去，因为他妈妈不喜欢我，而是问他是否可以带我们的孩子去。他们走了，我留在家里哭。我该怎么办？
我丈夫被邀请参加他妈妈的生日晚宴。他没有邀请我去，因为他妈妈不喜欢我，而是问他是否可以带我们的孩子去。他们走了，我留在家里哭。我该怎么办？
评论翻译
Autistic Salvatore
Ok, let me tell you what my wife did (when I was in your position).
好吧，让我告诉你我妻子做了什么(当我遇到和你同样的事情时)。
Ok, let me tell you what my wife did (when I was in your position).
好吧，让我告诉你我妻子做了什么(当我遇到和你同样的事情时)。
It was my wife’s 40th birthday, but we’d not yet made plans to celebrate. Her parents rang when I was in the other room. Sure enough, they were both on speaker asking her about birthday plans.
那天是我妻子的40岁生日，但我们还没有计划要庆祝。我在另一个房间的时候，她父母打电话来。果然，他们都在免提上询问她的生日计划。
那天是我妻子的40岁生日，但我们还没有计划要庆祝。我在另一个房间的时候，她父母打电话来。果然，他们都在免提上询问她的生日计划。
They proposed that my wife have a birthday dinner with them and her brother (who flies in from out of state). Also, since he rarely sees her, it’d be best if I didn’t come with.
他们建议我的妻子和他们以及她的哥哥(从其他州飞过来)一起吃一顿生日晚餐。而且，因为她哥哥和她见面的机会很少，所以我最好不要跟着一起去。
他们建议我的妻子和他们以及她的哥哥(从其他州飞过来)一起吃一顿生日晚餐。而且，因为她哥哥和她见面的机会很少，所以我最好不要跟着一起去。
Now that’s a had truth, as the REAL reason they didn’t want me there is my former addict lifestyle. I’ve had some rough days, like ODing on fentanyl and without memory of the previous weeks.
现在这已经是事实了，他们不想要我去的真正原因是我以前的瘾君子生活方式。我经历过一些艰难的日子，比如服用芬太尼，对过去几周的事情没有任何记忆。
现在这已经是事实了，他们不想要我去的真正原因是我以前的瘾君子生活方式。我经历过一些艰难的日子，比如服用芬太尼，对过去几周的事情没有任何记忆。
Any who, my wife said it’d be great if I could catch up with her brother as well! This was a power play, as her bro don’t like me either (mostly because soon after we married, the three of us were out shooting pool, and while my wife went to the bathroom, I told Scott that the breast implants I bought for her really worked out better than i could imagine).
不管怎么样，我妻子说如果我也能和她哥哥见面就太好了！这是一场权力游戏，因为她的哥哥也不喜欢我(主要是因为我们结婚后不久，我们三个人就出去打台球了，当我妻子去洗手间的时候，我告诉斯科特，我为她支付的隆胸手术的效果比我想象的要好)。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
不管怎么样，我妻子说如果我也能和她哥哥见面就太好了！这是一场权力游戏，因为她的哥哥也不喜欢我(主要是因为我们结婚后不久，我们三个人就出去打台球了，当我妻子去洗手间的时候，我告诉斯科特，我为她支付的隆胸手术的效果比我想象的要好)。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
But so we didn’t speak too much after that, so again my wife’s suggestion was sticking it. Long convo short, she dragged it out of them that “they’d really rather not have a heroin addict at their only daughters 40th birthday dinner table. It’s just not something they were comfortable with.
此后，我们就没有说太多话，但我妻子坚持让我也过去。我妻子和她父母谈了很长时间，最后她父母说出: “他们真的不想让一个海洛因成瘾者出现在他们唯一的女儿40岁生日的餐桌上。这不是他们感到舒服的事情。
此后，我们就没有说太多话，但我妻子坚持让我也过去。我妻子和她父母谈了很长时间，最后她父母说出: “他们真的不想让一个海洛因成瘾者出现在他们唯一的女儿40岁生日的餐桌上。这不是他们感到舒服的事情。
To which my wife replied, “He’s been clean since January, so that’s FORMER heroin addict”. Her mom states to go on some tirade about this is my third time getting clean and it’s only a matter of time whatever the fuck ever, and my wife interrupted.
我妻子回答说: “他从一月份开始就戒毒了，所以他现在不是瘾君子。”。她妈妈说，这是我第三次戒毒了，我重新吸毒只是时间问题，我的妻子打断了她。
我妻子回答说: “他从一月份开始就戒毒了，所以他现在不是瘾君子。”。她妈妈说，这是我第三次戒毒了，我重新吸毒只是时间问题，我的妻子打断了她。
“Mom, I was going to let you know, but we’re driving to Vermont for the weekend”. What what what!? from the other line, and then a bunch of frantic soft talk from betwixt her parents before my wife exclaimed “Oh crap my doctors calling, talk to you later!”.
“妈妈，我们周末要开车去佛蒙特州。”。什么，什么？接着她父母就开始暴躁了。我妻子惊呼道: “哦，糟糕，我的医生打来电话了，以后再说吧!”然后就挂断了电话。
“妈妈，我们周末要开车去佛蒙特州。”。什么，什么？接着她父母就开始暴躁了。我妻子惊呼道: “哦，糟糕，我的医生打来电话了，以后再说吧!”然后就挂断了电话。
PS Sorry for not answering your question directly. Rather than telling you what to do without knowing your situation, it seemed better to just share my own just in case some similarities made it useful. Good luck.
对不起没有直接回答你的问题。与其在不了解自己的情况下告诉你该做什么，不如分享一下我自己的情况，以防有些相似之处会有所帮助。祝你好运。
对不起没有直接回答你的问题。与其在不了解自己的情况下告诉你该做什么，不如分享一下我自己的情况，以防有些相似之处会有所帮助。祝你好运。
C Delfino
Whatever you decide to do, letting him take the kids to the party and leaving you at home alone to wallow sets a dangerous precedent. This year it is a birthday party, next year it is Easter or Thanksgiving or Christmas. At least this is not one of the annual extended family holiday blow-outs. Being excluded from those is extremely hurtful and unacceptable. Who wants to spend the high holidays alone while their immediate family is off doing fun things with the extended family?
无论你决定做什么，让他带孩子去参加聚会，让你一个人在家里打滚，都会开创一个危险的先例。今年是生日聚会，明年可能就是复活节、感恩节或圣诞节。至少这不是一年一度的大家庭聚会。被排除在外是非常伤人和不可接受的。当他们的直系亲属去和大家庭一起做有趣的事情的时候，谁愿意独自度过这个节日呢？
Whatever you decide to do, letting him take the kids to the party and leaving you at home alone to wallow sets a dangerous precedent. This year it is a birthday party, next year it is Easter or Thanksgiving or Christmas. At least this is not one of the annual extended family holiday blow-outs. Being excluded from those is extremely hurtful and unacceptable. Who wants to spend the high holidays alone while their immediate family is off doing fun things with the extended family?
无论你决定做什么，让他带孩子去参加聚会，让你一个人在家里打滚，都会开创一个危险的先例。今年是生日聚会，明年可能就是复活节、感恩节或圣诞节。至少这不是一年一度的大家庭聚会。被排除在外是非常伤人和不可接受的。当他们的直系亲属去和大家庭一起做有趣的事情的时候，谁愿意独自度过这个节日呢？
This is just a spiteful old woman’s birthday party.
这只是一个恶毒的老妇人的生日聚会。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
这只是一个恶毒的老妇人的生日聚会。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
As a family, you, your spouse and your children need to decide what your family response will be to these invitations. There are two equally valid perspectives.
作为一个家庭，你，你的配偶和你的孩子需要决定你的家庭将如何回应这些邀请。有两种同样有效的观点。
作为一个家庭，你，你的配偶和你的孩子需要决定你的家庭将如何回应这些邀请。有两种同样有效的观点。
We are a family and the “family” invitations need to include the entire family. You can’t pick and choose family - even the in-laws need to be included and tolerated.
我们是一个家庭，“家庭”的邀请需要包括整个家庭成员。你不能挑选特定的家庭成员去参加聚会，即使是女婿和媳妇也需要包容和容忍
我们是一个家庭，“家庭”的邀请需要包括整个家庭成员。你不能挑选特定的家庭成员去参加聚会，即使是女婿和媳妇也需要包容和容忍
It’s the rude old lady’s birthday and she gets to decide who gets an invitation to her party. Even if she invites a loathed person, they should be sensitive enough to beg off so it doesn’t spoil the special occasion.
今天是那个粗鲁的老太太的生日，她可以决定谁可以得到参加她生日聚会的邀请。即使她邀请了一个讨厌的人，他们也应该足够敏感地并且小心翼翼的请求不要去，这样才不会破坏这个特殊的场合。
今天是那个粗鲁的老太太的生日，她可以决定谁可以得到参加她生日聚会的邀请。即使她邀请了一个讨厌的人，他们也应该足够敏感地并且小心翼翼的请求不要去，这样才不会破坏这个特殊的场合。
You and your husband need to establish a family policy for these toxic and coercive invitations and then stick to your guns.
你和你的丈夫需要制定一个家庭政策来应对这些有害的和强制性的邀请，然后坚持你们的立场。
你和你的丈夫需要制定一个家庭政策来应对这些有害的和强制性的邀请，然后坚持你们的立场。
I can think of much better things to do with my life than attend emotionally caustic gatherings. Your decision is up to you.
我能想到比参加情绪激动的聚会更好的事情去做。你的决定取决于你。
我能想到比参加情绪激动的聚会更好的事情去做。你的决定取决于你。
Joy D Snow
Do NOT waste your time crying over a person who doesn’t LIKE you! You are BETTER than this. Do Not GIVE away the power to control your own emotions.
不要浪费时间为一个不喜欢你的人哭泣！你不该这样的。不要放弃控制自己情绪的能力。
Do NOT waste your time crying over a person who doesn’t LIKE you! You are BETTER than this. Do Not GIVE away the power to control your own emotions.
不要浪费时间为一个不喜欢你的人哭泣！你不该这样的。不要放弃控制自己情绪的能力。
So you weren’t invited. Why would you want to waste your time. Go out by yourself or with friends. Have a good time. Go shopping. Buy yourself a gift. Be sure to stay out pass time when your husband returns home. If asked where you were/went—-—answer that your decided to enjoy your evening without obligation to others. Tell hubby you hope he had a great time with his mom. Now that b-day has passed—-—Take ur evening out! Prepare a simple meal for hubby & kids. Mac & cheese and salad ??. Or maybe have some tomato soup & cheese & bread. Tell kids & hubby you’re going out. Foods necessary for a meal are in the kitchen. Tell them you are taking time to enjoy a meal out as they did with Dad’s mom.
你没有被邀请。你为什么还要浪费时间。自己出去或者和朋友一起出去购物，给自己买个礼物。当你丈夫回家的时候，一定要呆在外面打发时间。如果被问及你去哪里了，告诉老公你希望他和他妈妈玩得开心。生日过后，为丈夫和孩子准备一顿简单的饭菜，芝士通心粉和沙拉。或者来点番茄汤，奶酪和面包。然后告诉孩子们和老公，你要出去，厨房里有给他们留吃的东西。告诉他们你要外出就餐，就像他们和爸爸、妈妈生日聚餐一样。
你没有被邀请。你为什么还要浪费时间。自己出去或者和朋友一起出去购物，给自己买个礼物。当你丈夫回家的时候，一定要呆在外面打发时间。如果被问及你去哪里了，告诉老公你希望他和他妈妈玩得开心。生日过后，为丈夫和孩子准备一顿简单的饭菜，芝士通心粉和沙拉。或者来点番茄汤，奶酪和面包。然后告诉孩子们和老公，你要出去，厨房里有给他们留吃的东西。告诉他们你要外出就餐，就像他们和爸爸、妈妈生日聚餐一样。
Should you be invited to a future event for hubby’s mom, politely decline. Tell hubby, if he asks, that you prefer to spend your time enjoying yourself. Encourage him to do the same.
如果你被邀请参加你婆婆举办的活动，礼貌地拒绝。告诉你的丈夫，你更喜欢花时间享受生活。鼓励他也这样做。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
如果你被邀请参加你婆婆举办的活动，礼貌地拒绝。告诉你的丈夫，你更喜欢花时间享受生活。鼓励他也这样做。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
My husband was in the Navy. We always went grocery shopping and to lunch on paydays. On payday my husband came home after working the Midnight to 0700 shift. He had stopped at the bar outside the gate with his buddies to cash his check. He told me that he was bringing me the car & money so I could go shopping. Then he asked he I cared if he went to have a few drinks and shoot pool with “the guys”?
我丈夫在海军服役。我们总是在发薪日去杂货店买东西和吃午饭。发薪日那天，我丈夫从午夜工作到早上7点，回到家里。他和伙伴们在大门外的酒吧停下来兑现他的支票。他告诉我他会把车和钱给我，这样我就可以去购物了。然后他问我是否介意他去和“那些家伙”喝几杯，打打台球？
我丈夫在海军服役。我们总是在发薪日去杂货店买东西和吃午饭。发薪日那天，我丈夫从午夜工作到早上7点，回到家里。他和伙伴们在大门外的酒吧停下来兑现他的支票。他告诉我他会把车和钱给我，这样我就可以去购物了。然后他问我是否介意他去和“那些家伙”喝几杯，打打台球？
I told my husband to go have fun. When he returned around 1:00 pm, he had certainly had a good time as evident by his inability to walk well. He made it to bed where he fell fully clothed murmuring “Honey make the room stop”.
我告诉我丈夫去玩吧。当他下午一点左右回来的时候，他显然度过了一段美好的时光，因为他走路摇摇晃晃的。他衣服都没脱就上了床，喃喃地说: “亲爱的，让房间不要再晃了。”。
我告诉我丈夫去玩吧。当他下午一点左右回来的时候，他显然度过了一段美好的时光，因为他走路摇摇晃晃的。他衣服都没脱就上了床，喃喃地说: “亲爱的，让房间不要再晃了。”。
I let my hubby sleep for a few hours, then made him get up, shower and go shopping & to dinner. He didn’t feel like going. My attitude was that he and I had a routine, he’d had his time with his buddies, now he could spend his time with me.
我让我的丈夫睡了几个小时，然后让他起床，洗澡，去购物和吃饭。他不想去。我的态度是，他和我有一个日常安排，他有时间和他的伙伴一起出去，现在他也可以抽时间与我在一起。
我让我的丈夫睡了几个小时，然后让他起床，洗澡，去购物和吃饭。他不想去。我的态度是，他和我有一个日常安排，他有时间和他的伙伴一起出去，现在他也可以抽时间与我在一起。
Point—-—Do for YOURSELF, have FUN while giving others a few things to think about. If they catch on and change their ways, Great! If they don’t, you decide if the relationship is worth your time. At least you are taking care of yourself and hopefully enjoying time spent away from whoever.
重点是为自己做事，享受乐趣，同时给别人一些需要思考的事情。如果他们明白并且改变他们的生活方式，太好了！如果他们没有，你就要决定这段关系是否值得你花时间。至少你照顾好了自己，希望能够享受远离任何人的时光。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
重点是为自己做事，享受乐趣，同时给别人一些需要思考的事情。如果他们明白并且改变他们的生活方式，太好了！如果他们没有，你就要决定这段关系是否值得你花时间。至少你照顾好了自己，希望能够享受远离任何人的时光。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Meredith Anne Fraser
I feel your pain. My in-laws didn’t dislike me, but they did want time with their son alone. Every year they would send him the plane fare home (for one person) and every year we’d pay for my fare to go too (we lived in Queensland and they lived in Victoria). Australia.
我能理解你的痛苦。我的公公婆婆并不讨厌我，但他们确实想和儿子单独在一起。每年他们会给他寄回家的机票钱(一个人的) ，而我的机票钱得自己付(我们住在昆士兰，他们住在维多利亚)。坐标澳大利亚。
I feel your pain. My in-laws didn’t dislike me, but they did want time with their son alone. Every year they would send him the plane fare home (for one person) and every year we’d pay for my fare to go too (we lived in Queensland and they lived in Victoria). Australia.
我能理解你的痛苦。我的公公婆婆并不讨厌我，但他们确实想和儿子单独在一起。每年他们会给他寄回家的机票钱(一个人的) ，而我的机票钱得自己付(我们住在昆士兰，他们住在维多利亚)。坐标澳大利亚。
It’s outrageously rude behaviour and silly as well.
我认为这是极其粗鲁的行为，也很愚蠢。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
我认为这是极其粗鲁的行为，也很愚蠢。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
The biggest problem for them in my case was that I would have been happy for my husband to go - unbeknownst to them I was already planning to exit my marriage, and their behaviour (this kind of thing) was one of the many reasons. I wanted to be married to an adult but instead I was living with their spoilt child.
对他们来说，我应该很高兴我丈夫能过去，但他们不知道的是我已经打算离婚，而他们的行为(诸如此类的事情)是众多原因之一。我想嫁给一个成年人，但我却和他们娇生惯养的孩子住在一起。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
对他们来说，我应该很高兴我丈夫能过去，但他们不知道的是我已经打算离婚，而他们的行为(诸如此类的事情)是众多原因之一。我想嫁给一个成年人，但我却和他们娇生惯养的孩子住在一起。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I offered to spend the same weekend in Melbourne City shopping and suchlike so that we could fly down and back together but not both stay with his parents who had retired to Geelong. My husband wouldn’t hear of it because a) he was addicted to controlling my life and needed to know where I was every minute of the day, and b) a weekend shopping in Melbourne and staying at a hotel would have cost him money (money was his first love). Ironically his parents were hurting him and not me.
我提出同一个周末一起去墨尔本城购物之类的计划，这样我们就可以一起飞来飞去，不需要和他退休去吉朗的父母呆在一起。我的丈夫不愿意听这些，因为 a)他沉迷于控制我的生活，每时每刻都想知道我在哪里; b)周末去墨尔本购物，住在酒店会让他花钱(钱是他的初恋)。讽刺的是，他的父母伤害的是他而不是我。
我提出同一个周末一起去墨尔本城购物之类的计划，这样我们就可以一起飞来飞去，不需要和他退休去吉朗的父母呆在一起。我的丈夫不愿意听这些，因为 a)他沉迷于控制我的生活，每时每刻都想知道我在哪里; b)周末去墨尔本购物，住在酒店会让他花钱(钱是他的初恋)。讽刺的是，他的父母伤害的是他而不是我。
When I finally produced 2 fine grandsons (I’d had trouble carrying a pregnancy to term) my in-laws were placed in an even more awkward position. How to demand a weekend with both my husband and my sons but without me?
当我终于生了两个男孩(我怀孕一直有困难)时，我的公公婆婆处于一个更加尴尬的境地。如何在没有我的情况下，同时和我的丈夫和儿子度过一个周末？
当我终于生了两个男孩(我怀孕一直有困难)时，我的公公婆婆处于一个更加尴尬的境地。如何在没有我的情况下，同时和我的丈夫和儿子度过一个周末？
My sons solved that problem when they were still very young. They were both devoted ‘mummy’s boys’ (it should be a positive thing - right?) so neither would go on a weekend away without their Mummy. Grandpa and Granny, who delighted in my children, couldn’t see them unless they saw me too. I didn’t have to say anything - just sit back and laugh.
我的两个儿子在很小的时候就解决了这个问题。他们都是忠实的“妈宝男”(这应该是一件积极的事情，对吗?)。他们两个周末都不会离开妈妈独自出去玩。爷爷奶奶很喜欢我的孩子，除非他们也把我邀请过去，否则他们是看不见他们孙子的。我什么都不用说，只要坐下来大笑就行了。
我的两个儿子在很小的时候就解决了这个问题。他们都是忠实的“妈宝男”(这应该是一件积极的事情，对吗?)。他们两个周末都不会离开妈妈独自出去玩。爷爷奶奶很喜欢我的孩子，除非他们也把我邀请过去，否则他们是看不见他们孙子的。我什么都不用说，只要坐下来大笑就行了。
It’s awkward though.
虽然有点尴尬。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
虽然有点尴尬。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
In your case you have less leverage. I think that your husband needs to grow a pair and have a very strong conversation with his parents. No one cares whether they like you or not - courtesy is courtesy and you are his wife.
就你的情况而言，你的影响力较小。我认为你的丈夫需要成熟一点，和他的父母好好谈谈。没有人在乎他们是否喜欢你，但终究还是要讲礼貌，而你是他们儿子的妻子。
就你的情况而言，你的影响力较小。我认为你的丈夫需要成熟一点，和他的父母好好谈谈。没有人在乎他们是否喜欢你，但终究还是要讲礼貌，而你是他们儿子的妻子。
You also need to ask yourself if you want to send your children to an environment that may be very toxic. I don’t think that refusing to allow the children to go is unreasonable. Their behaviour is teaching your children that familial disrespect for you is acceptable.
你还需要问问自己，你是否想把孩子送到一个不健康的环境中。我不认为拒绝让孩子们去是不合理的。他们的行为告诉你的孩子，家人对你的不尊重是可以接受的。
你还需要问问自己，你是否想把孩子送到一个不健康的环境中。我不认为拒绝让孩子们去是不合理的。他们的行为告诉你的孩子，家人对你的不尊重是可以接受的。
Or you can laugh and do what I offered to do and take his Credit Card and go shopping that night. It seems to me that you haven’t arrived at that point yet, which is a positive thing for your marriage. Once you do arrive at the ‘I don’t care’ position, there’s no going back.
或者你可以笑着做我提出要做的事，拿着你丈夫的信用卡，当晚去购物。在我看来，你还没有达到那个程度，这对你的婚姻是一件积极的事情。一旦你达到了‘我不在乎’的立场，就没有回头路了。
或者你可以笑着做我提出要做的事，拿着你丈夫的信用卡，当晚去购物。在我看来，你还没有达到那个程度，这对你的婚姻是一件积极的事情。一旦你达到了‘我不在乎’的立场，就没有回头路了。
This behaviour is unhealthy and will ultimately destroy your marriage. I think you should point that out to your husband. I’d also consider not allowing the children to go.
这种行为是不健康的，最终会破坏你的婚姻。我想你应该把这点告诉你丈夫。我也会考虑不让孩子们去。
这种行为是不健康的，最终会破坏你的婚姻。我想你应该把这点告诉你丈夫。我也会考虑不让孩子们去。
Desiree Seitz
I would confront him about being united in front of the family. It simply is not acceptable to leave you out. In my family, when someone is in a relationship, yes we invite thm as a couple, but even when we invite only one person we actually fully expect the other half to come along even if they did not get a direct invitation. If my grandparents invite me over to dinner but dont say that my husband is also invited, and then i proceed to arrive without my husband, they ask where he is at and why he didnt come. If i invite my sister over for Thanksgiving, and she comes without her boyfriend, we would very likely proceed to ask her where her boyfriend is at and why he didnt come too (even though i dont like him honestly). And so on and so forth.
我要在全家人面前和他谈谈团结一致的问题。把你排除在外是不能接受的。在我的家庭中，当一个人在谈恋爱时，我们常常邀请这一对来做客。但是即使我们只邀请其中一个人，我们实际上也期待另一半的到来，即使他们没有得到直接的邀请。如果我的祖父母邀请我去吃饭，但没有说我的丈夫也被邀请了，然后我自己去了，他们会问你丈夫在哪里，为什么他不来。如果我邀请我的妹妹过来过感恩节，而她没有带男朋友，我们很可能会问她，她的男朋友在哪里，为什么他不来(尽管我真的不喜欢他)。诸如此类。
I would confront him about being united in front of the family. It simply is not acceptable to leave you out. In my family, when someone is in a relationship, yes we invite thm as a couple, but even when we invite only one person we actually fully expect the other half to come along even if they did not get a direct invitation. If my grandparents invite me over to dinner but dont say that my husband is also invited, and then i proceed to arrive without my husband, they ask where he is at and why he didnt come. If i invite my sister over for Thanksgiving, and she comes without her boyfriend, we would very likely proceed to ask her where her boyfriend is at and why he didnt come too (even though i dont like him honestly). And so on and so forth.
我要在全家人面前和他谈谈团结一致的问题。把你排除在外是不能接受的。在我的家庭中，当一个人在谈恋爱时，我们常常邀请这一对来做客。但是即使我们只邀请其中一个人，我们实际上也期待另一半的到来，即使他们没有得到直接的邀请。如果我的祖父母邀请我去吃饭，但没有说我的丈夫也被邀请了，然后我自己去了，他们会问你丈夫在哪里，为什么他不来。如果我邀请我的妹妹过来过感恩节，而她没有带男朋友，我们很可能会问她，她的男朋友在哪里，为什么他不来(尽管我真的不喜欢他)。诸如此类。
My father has decided he doesnt like my husband. I suppose he decided that he liked my husband so little that he wasnt going to come to my wedding. Now my relationship with my dad is essentially he has been estranged all my life until recently, and then decided to skip out on my wedding. I feel as though i reacted the same way any good spouse would in the end: i cut ties with him. I barely talked to my mom until she accepted my relationship (i was a teen at that time and its an age related thing).
我父亲不喜欢我的丈夫。我想他是觉得自己不怎么喜欢我丈夫，所以不来参加我的婚礼了。现在我和父亲的关系基本上是他一直疏远我的生活，最近还决定不参加我的婚礼。我觉得自己的反应和任何一个好伴侣最终的反应一样: 我和他断绝了关系。我几乎不和我妈妈说话，直到她接受了我的恋爱关系(当时我还是个青少年，这是与年龄有关的事情)。
我父亲不喜欢我的丈夫。我想他是觉得自己不怎么喜欢我丈夫，所以不来参加我的婚礼了。现在我和父亲的关系基本上是他一直疏远我的生活，最近还决定不参加我的婚礼。我觉得自己的反应和任何一个好伴侣最终的反应一样: 我和他断绝了关系。我几乎不和我妈妈说话，直到她接受了我的恋爱关系(当时我还是个青少年，这是与年龄有关的事情)。
I think that your marriage is the most important relationship you have. My spouse is the most important person in my life. You choose that person to be your partner. They are there for parts of your life that nobody else is there for. They are the person you talk to about things that you might not be able to talk to with anybody else. They have committed to being with you, there for you, and to share their whole lives with you.
我认为你的婚姻是你拥有的最重要的关系。我的配偶是我生命中最重要的人。你选择那个人做你的伴侣。他们就是你生活的一部分，没有其他人能取代。他们是那种你可以和他们谈论一些你不能和其他人谈论的事情的人。他们已经承诺和你在一起，在你身边，和你分享他们的整个生活。
我认为你的婚姻是你拥有的最重要的关系。我的配偶是我生命中最重要的人。你选择那个人做你的伴侣。他们就是你生活的一部分，没有其他人能取代。他们是那种你可以和他们谈论一些你不能和其他人谈论的事情的人。他们已经承诺和你在一起，在你身边，和你分享他们的整个生活。
Your husband should have told his mother that she needs to accept you and at the very least tolerate you because you ARE a part of the family. Your husband should have told her that the whole family is coming or nobody is. He should stand up for you and not allow you to be pushed out by one stuck up mom. And he should not allow your children to think that is any way to treat anybody.
你的丈夫应该告诉他的母亲，她需要接受你，至少要容忍你，因为你是家庭的一部分。你丈夫应该告诉她全家都会来，不然就没人来。他应该为你挺身而出，而不是让你被一个傲慢的母亲排挤出去。他不应该让你的孩子认为这是对待任何人的方式。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
你的丈夫应该告诉他的母亲，她需要接受你，至少要容忍你，因为你是家庭的一部分。你丈夫应该告诉她全家都会来，不然就没人来。他应该为你挺身而出，而不是让你被一个傲慢的母亲排挤出去。他不应该让你的孩子认为这是对待任何人的方式。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I would think that you need to have a conversation with him about how you should be treated. Tell him how you feel, and dont accept any excuses.
我认为你应该和他谈谈你应该受到什么样的对待。告诉他你的感受，不要接受任何借口。
我认为你应该和他谈谈你应该受到什么样的对待。告诉他你的感受，不要接受任何借口。
Dani Camporelli
his mom’s a total bitch for doing that. seriously. that is horrible, and your husband might have stood up for you. it’s like she’s trying to alienate your own kids from you.
他妈妈就是个婊子。说真的，太可怕了，你丈夫可能会为你挺身而出。你婆婆这么做就好像她想让你的孩子疏远你。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
his mom’s a total bitch for doing that. seriously. that is horrible, and your husband might have stood up for you. it’s like she’s trying to alienate your own kids from you.
他妈妈就是个婊子。说真的，太可怕了，你丈夫可能会为你挺身而出。你婆婆这么做就好像她想让你的孩子疏远你。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
you won’t always get on with your in laws, often we don’t get on that well with them or at least one of them, but to not invite you when she invites everyone else is appalling. i feel for you. the woman has no class at all.
你不会总能和你的公公婆婆/丈人丈母娘相处融洽，通常我们和他们或者至少他们中的一个关系不好，但是当她邀请其他人的时候不邀请你是令人震惊的。我同情你。这个女人一点品味都没有。
你不会总能和你的公公婆婆/丈人丈母娘相处融洽，通常我们和他们或者至少他们中的一个关系不好，但是当她邀请其他人的时候不邀请你是令人震惊的。我同情你。这个女人一点品味都没有。
but then again, don’t let him do that again. don’t let him take the kids next time if you aren’t invited. and have a chat with your kids that what she did was totally inappropriate and that it really hurt you. also make point to have a day out with your kids, without your husband.
不过话说回来，别让你丈夫再这么做了。如果你没被邀请，下次别让他带走孩子。和你的孩子们谈谈，告诉他们奶奶的所作所为是完全不合适的，而且真的伤害了你。还要和你的孩子们出去玩一天，不要带上你的丈夫。
不过话说回来，别让你丈夫再这么做了。如果你没被邀请，下次别让他带走孩子。和你的孩子们谈谈，告诉他们奶奶的所作所为是完全不合适的，而且真的伤害了你。还要和你的孩子们出去玩一天，不要带上你的丈夫。
don’t even acknowledge her birthday next year. or do the passive aggressive thing and tell your husband you want to work on getting on better with her, and tell him you want to pick out the card and present, and pick out an ugly ass card and a gift that you know she won’t like. do the same at christmas. and bake something as well, something that isn’t very nice, but you will look really good for having made the effort. tip - undercooking the middle of something is always a good trick, or adding just a bit too much salt is also good. and then every year after, always bring some dessert, never any good though. the good dessert is what you leave at home for the kids.
明年直接忘掉你婆婆的生日。或者进行消极攻击，告诉你丈夫，你想和她好好相处，告诉他你想选卡片和礼物，然后选一张难看的且你知道她不会喜欢的卡片和礼物。圣诞节也一样。也可以烤点东西，虽然不是很好吃，但你努力了，这样看起来会很不错。小贴士：烹饪食物的时候可以搞生一点，或者多加点盐。之后的每一年，总是带些不好吃的甜点来恶心她。好的甜点当然留在家里给孩子们吃了。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
明年直接忘掉你婆婆的生日。或者进行消极攻击，告诉你丈夫，你想和她好好相处，告诉他你想选卡片和礼物，然后选一张难看的且你知道她不会喜欢的卡片和礼物。圣诞节也一样。也可以烤点东西，虽然不是很好吃，但你努力了，这样看起来会很不错。小贴士：烹饪食物的时候可以搞生一点，或者多加点盐。之后的每一年，总是带些不好吃的甜点来恶心她。好的甜点当然留在家里给孩子们吃了。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
another passive aggressive play is to ask her lots of age related questions, feigning concern for her. you know, if she starts to get up to get something from the kitchen, tell her to sit down and relax as you will get it for her, say that she’s overdoing it. make her feel useless, old and a burden, while coming off as polite.
另一种消极攻击的方式是问她很多与年龄有关的问题，假装关心她。你知道，如果她起身去厨房拿东西，告诉她坐下来休息休息，说你去替她拿，说她自己干不了...让她觉得自己没用，老了，是个负担，同时表现得很有礼貌。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
另一种消极攻击的方式是问她很多与年龄有关的问题，假装关心她。你知道，如果她起身去厨房拿东西，告诉她坐下来休息休息，说你去替她拿，说她自己干不了...让她觉得自己没用，老了，是个负担，同时表现得很有礼貌。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Lisa Petersen
You must have married my husband! From the time we were engaged, till now, 25 years of marriage, she has hated me. I would be brought to tears at every family gathering.
你的情况简直和我一模一样！从我们订婚到现在，25年的婚姻，她一直恨着我。在每次家庭聚会上，我都会落泪。
You must have married my husband! From the time we were engaged, till now, 25 years of marriage, she has hated me. I would be brought to tears at every family gathering.
你的情况简直和我一模一样！从我们订婚到现在，25年的婚姻，她一直恨着我。在每次家庭聚会上，我都会落泪。
She has three sons, and none of their wives are good enough for her darlings. She doesn’t mind letting you know where you stand, especially after a few glasses of wine.
她有三个儿子，觉得他们的妻子都配不上她的宝贝。她不介意让你知道自己的立场，尤其是在喝了几杯酒之后。
她有三个儿子，觉得他们的妻子都配不上她的宝贝。她不介意让你知道自己的立场，尤其是在喝了几杯酒之后。
The worst, most humiliating, moment, came when we took her out for her 70th birthday, to a restaurant that she loves, and is extremely hard to get a table at, and costs the national debt. It’s in an old house, so the meal starts with champagne and appetizers in the basement (if you got there early, you could head to the attic for cocktails before appetizers. Of course we did that). By the time we were seated, she was three sheets to the wind, and I could already sense the floodgates were about to open, her barrage motivated by red wine at the table.
最糟糕、最丢脸的时刻，发生在我们带她去一家她喜欢的餐厅庆祝她70岁生日的时候。餐厅位于一座老房子里，就餐的地方在地下室，正餐之前来点香槟和开胃菜(如果你到得早，你可以在开胃菜之前去阁楼喝鸡尾酒。我们当然这样做了)。我们坐下来的时候，她已经醉得不省人事了，我已经感觉到了防洪闸即将打开，餐桌上的红酒激发了她的怒火。
最糟糕、最丢脸的时刻，发生在我们带她去一家她喜欢的餐厅庆祝她70岁生日的时候。餐厅位于一座老房子里，就餐的地方在地下室，正餐之前来点香槟和开胃菜(如果你到得早，你可以在开胃菜之前去阁楼喝鸡尾酒。我们当然这样做了)。我们坐下来的时候，她已经醉得不省人事了，我已经感觉到了防洪闸即将打开，餐桌上的红酒激发了她的怒火。
In the main dining room, where everyone could hear, she announced, at her loudest voice, “Oh, Lisa used to be SO FAT!” This was the first time I think my husband ever really saw the hatred, but he saw it that evening, through the eyes of our best friends, who were visiting from out of state (he’d always thought I imagined all her slights and insults). He saw how it hurt me, and it angered him more than anything else in the 27 years we’ve been together.
在大餐厅里，每个人都能听到，她用最大的声音宣布: “哦，丽莎以前是那么胖!”这是我第一次认为我的丈夫真正看到了他妈对我的这种仇恨，那天晚上，通过我们最好的朋友的眼睛，他看到了这种仇恨(我老公一直认为他妈对我所有的轻蔑和侮辱都是我的想象)。他看到了我受到的伤害，这比在我们在一起的27年里其他任何事情都更让他生气。
在大餐厅里，每个人都能听到，她用最大的声音宣布: “哦，丽莎以前是那么胖!”这是我第一次认为我的丈夫真正看到了他妈对我的这种仇恨，那天晚上，通过我们最好的朋友的眼睛，他看到了这种仇恨(我老公一直认为他妈对我所有的轻蔑和侮辱都是我的想象)。他看到了我受到的伤害，这比在我们在一起的27年里其他任何事情都更让他生气。
He didn’t make any more of it at the restaurant, at m request (I knew it would only worsen the situation). But when we tog home, he emailed her a letter informing her she would not be welcome in his/our house, or see her grandchildren, as long as her despicable attitude continued toward me. She took it seriously enough to call and apologize.
在我的要求下，我老公没有当场发火(我知道那只会使情况更糟)。当我们回家的时候，我丈夫给他妈发了一封电子邮件，告诉她，只要她继续对我这种卑鄙的态度，他/我们家就不欢迎她，也不欢迎她见她的孙子孙女。她之后很认真地打电话道歉。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
在我的要求下，我老公没有当场发火(我知道那只会使情况更糟)。当我们回家的时候，我丈夫给他妈发了一封电子邮件，告诉她，只要她继续对我这种卑鄙的态度，他/我们家就不欢迎她，也不欢迎她见她的孙子孙女。她之后很认真地打电话道歉。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
That was probably ten years ago. She still hates me, but we now live over eight hundred miles away from her, which helps. My husband and my marriage is stronger than ever, because he defends me unconditionally.
那大概是十年前的事了。她现在仍然讨厌我，但我们现在住的地方离她有800英里远，这对她很有帮助。我的丈夫和我的婚姻比以往任何时候都要牢固，因为他无条件地保护我。
那大概是十年前的事了。她现在仍然讨厌我，但我们现在住的地方离她有800英里远，这对她很有帮助。我的丈夫和我的婚姻比以往任何时候都要牢固，因为他无条件地保护我。
So what do you do? You do what I did (even though I did it accidentally). You talk to your husband, tell him everything, and asking him to step up. Don’t make ultimatums, you don’t want to divorce him, just his mom. But make sure he understands what this is doing to you. Sometimes, an outsider who’s witnessed her behavior can step up and talk to him. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from others family members and friends. Then tell him, he needs to stand up for you, and defend you to her face. If he can’t do that, maybe he’s not the husband for you, or for anyone else. There are, sadly, some men who never separate from the “Momma’s Boy” phase.
那你应该怎么做呢？你要做我之前做的事(即使我是偶然做的)。你和你的丈夫谈谈，告诉他一切，让他站出来。别发最后通牒，你不会想和他离婚的，只想和他妈妈断绝联系。但是一定要让他明白这对你有什么影响。有时，一个旁观者见证了她的不礼貌行为，可以站出来和她谈谈。不要害怕向别人、家人和朋友寻求帮助。然后告诉你丈夫，他需要为你挺身而出，当着她的面为你辩护。如果他做不到，也许他不配做你的丈夫，或者其他任何人的丈夫。可悲的是，有些男人从来没有离开过“妈宝男”阶段。
那你应该怎么做呢？你要做我之前做的事(即使我是偶然做的)。你和你的丈夫谈谈，告诉他一切，让他站出来。别发最后通牒，你不会想和他离婚的，只想和他妈妈断绝联系。但是一定要让他明白这对你有什么影响。有时，一个旁观者见证了她的不礼貌行为，可以站出来和她谈谈。不要害怕向别人、家人和朋友寻求帮助。然后告诉你丈夫，他需要为你挺身而出，当着她的面为你辩护。如果他做不到，也许他不配做你的丈夫，或者其他任何人的丈夫。可悲的是，有些男人从来没有离开过“妈宝男”阶段。
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