美国华裔：我父亲在春节前几天去世了，但亲友们却不允许我提起这事，直到春节结束
正文翻译
My father died a few days before CNY, and I'm not allowed to mention it
原标题：我父亲在春节前几天去世了，可我不被允许提起这事
My father died exactly 5 days before Chinese New Year, and I'm not allowed to mention it to anyone until it ends. (March 3rd) He was my only immediate family member left besides my teen daughter. I had to walk into a funeral home alone to make arrangements. I'm itching to let the world know that he is gone, and that it hurts. Those who know about his passing are actively avoiding me to prevent the bad luck from reaching their families. Basically, those who work with me run into me in public have been shunning me. It really sucks that due to religious beliefs, people decide that I am not worth even the most basic human decency.
父亲在中国新年的整五天前去世了，而我被要求在春节结束前（至 3 月 3 日）不得向任何人提及此事。除了十几岁的女儿，他是我仅存的直系亲属。我不得不独自走进殡仪馆料理后事。我迫切想让全世界知道他已离去，这伤痛如此真切。那些知情的人正刻意回避我，生怕晦气波及自家。说白了，同事和偶遇的熟人都对我避之不及。最令人心寒的是，出于宗教信仰，人们竟认为我不配得到最起码的人际尊重。
Has anyone had to deal with this
有人遇到过这种情况吗？
My father died a few days before CNY, and I'm not allowed to mention it
原标题：我父亲在春节前几天去世了，可我不被允许提起这事
My father died exactly 5 days before Chinese New Year, and I'm not allowed to mention it to anyone until it ends. (March 3rd) He was my only immediate family member left besides my teen daughter. I had to walk into a funeral home alone to make arrangements. I'm itching to let the world know that he is gone, and that it hurts. Those who know about his passing are actively avoiding me to prevent the bad luck from reaching their families. Basically, those who work with me run into me in public have been shunning me. It really sucks that due to religious beliefs, people decide that I am not worth even the most basic human decency.
父亲在中国新年的整五天前去世了，而我被要求在春节结束前（至 3 月 3 日）不得向任何人提及此事。除了十几岁的女儿，他是我仅存的直系亲属。我不得不独自走进殡仪馆料理后事。我迫切想让全世界知道他已离去，这伤痛如此真切。那些知情的人正刻意回避我，生怕晦气波及自家。说白了，同事和偶遇的熟人都对我避之不及。最令人心寒的是，出于宗教信仰，人们竟认为我不配得到最起码的人际尊重。
Has anyone had to deal with this
有人遇到过这种情况吗？
评论翻译
harryhov
It's not a religious belief. It's dumb superstitions. I'm sorry for your loss. Some people may be upset they weren't able to pay their respects. Blame others.
这不是宗教信仰。只是愚蠢的迷信。节哀顺变。有些人可能会因为他们未能表达敬意而生气。那就责怪他人吧。
NumbersOverFeelings
Religion is just beliefs too. It doesn’t deserve more or less tolerance than other beliefs.
宗教也不过是信仰罢了。它既不比其他信仰更值得宽容，也不该更受排斥。
KeepGoing655
It really is dumb ass superstition. When my aunt passed, most of my family "wasn't allowed" to go because of one superstitious excuse after another. A few couldn't go because my uncle's wife said their birthdates had some bad mojo with my aunt's date of death. I could tell my cousin was pretty hurt at the lack of family members showing up. Especially since we had a big family. And they sure didn't mind showing up at my aunt's house during holidays when she cooked for us all. Such fucking bullshit.
这简直就是荒谬透顶的迷信。我姑姑去世时，家里大部分人"不被允许"出席，各种迷信借口层出不穷。有几位亲戚不能去是因为姑父的妻子说他们的生辰八字和我姑姑的忌日相冲。我能看出堂姐对家人缺席的失落，尤其我们本是个大家族。可当初每逢节假日姑姑下厨招待时，这些人倒是从不缺席。真是他妈的一派胡言。
NumbersOverFeelings
No dumber than something like transubstantiation. Or that the universe is morally policed by an invisible power that’ll punish you with eternal torture. If you hate on the superstition hate on religions equally. (Not saying you don’t, but the comment I replied to said “It’s not a religious belief.”)
这和圣餐变体论也没什么两样。或者说什么宇宙被无形力量道德监管，会用永恒折磨惩罚世人。要批判迷信就该对宗教一视同仁。（不是说你不这样做，但我回复的那条评论声称"这并非宗教信仰"）
spooonfairy
i’m so sorry for your loss .
节哀顺变。
BeautifulDiet4091
I am sorry that you are going through this. My brother married an American woman who mentioned her grandfather had just passed away that week. I was terrified how/if my parents would hear about it.
对于你正经历的这些，我深表遗憾。我弟弟娶了一位美国女性，当时她提到她的祖父就在那一周去世了。我当时非常担心我的父母会怎样或是否得知此事。
Capable_Salt_SD
Condolences, friend
请节哀，朋友。
OkGuide2802
I did not know this was a thing lol
我不知道原来还有这种习俗，笑死。
BeautifulDiet4091
my gramma died around same time as my auntie and our sides of the family couldn't interact! like we were swirling each other's bad fortune
我祖母和姑母差不多在同一时间去世，我们两边的家人居然不能互相往来！好像生怕沾染彼此的不幸一样。
OkGuide2802
Which region of China are your family from?
你家祖籍是中国哪个地区的？
BalboaBaggins
Based on descxtion I'm pretty confident OP's family is Cantonese, who are generally a lot more superstitious.
根据描述，我相当肯定楼主家是广东人，那边的迷信习俗通常更为盛行。
Many Chinese from other regions don't observe "traditions" like this one and find them to be bizarre, archaic, and potentially harmful like in this case for OP.
许多来自中国其他地区的人并不遵循这类“传统”，反而觉得它们既古怪又过时，甚至可能造成伤害，就像楼主这种情况。
OkGuide2802
I am Cantonese too. It just seems really cruel. I've never seen or heard of anything like it. Like when my uncle died after fighting cancer, family flew in from across the country and around the world on very short notice to help my aunt out. I just can't imagine keeping it under wraps because of a holiday. But idk, maybe my family is weird.
我也是广东人。这做法听起来真的挺残忍的，我从未见过或听说过类似的情况。比如我叔叔与癌症抗争后去世时，亲戚们收到消息后立刻从全国各地乃至全球飞回来帮助我婶婶。我实在无法想象因为某个节日就要隐瞒亲人离世的消息。但话说回来，可能我家比较特立独行吧。
Apt_5
If they are weird, I'm glad! But I also don't think people can control what they believe. Like if they really, truly believe something will cause bad luck, they can't force themselves to do it. I guess it would seem akin to self-harm.
如果这叫特立独行，那我很庆幸！不过我也觉得人们很难控制自己的信念。如果他们真心实意地相信某件事会带来厄运，确实没法强迫自己去做。这大概有点像自我伤害吧。
I personally can't imagine knowing enough superstitions for them to even come to mind when it comes to a close relative or any loved one passing.
我个人无法想象自己会了解那么多迷信说法，以至于在至亲或任何所爱之人离世时，脑子里最先蹦出来的竟是那些忌讳。
Trick-Status1098
You're still worth the world to your kid.
对你的孩子而言，你依然是全世界最珍贵的存在。
Forget about other people, don't even try to guess why they are the way they are. Let be.
别去琢磨别人怎么想，也别费心猜测他们的心思。顺其自然就好。
Learn about the 49 day funerary rite/mourning ritual in your locale, follow it all the way to the end, give your father a good burial.
了解一下当地为期 49 天的丧葬习俗，从始至终遵循仪式，好好送父亲最后一程。
Mindless_Earth_2807
Yes, I'm going to give him the wake he deserves, and the burial at sea that he had always wanted.
是的，我会为他举办体面的告别仪式，再遵照他生前所愿进行海葬。
FUN FACT: He worked on a cruise ship in his youth, and his passion was everything water-related.
【冷知识】：他年轻时曾在邮轮工作，毕生挚爱都与大海有关。
During his last few years (when his health was deteriorating), he said he wanted to see what the modern cruise ships look like and how things have changed. Due to health issues, we couldn't make that trip happen safely. I have now booked a cruise in April to take him where he always felt he belonged. My daughter cannot wait to escort her grandpa to the waters. It's bittersweet.
在他生命的最后几年（健康状况逐渐恶化时），他曾说想看看现代邮轮变成了什么模样，感受时代的变迁。由于健康原因，我们始终没能安全成行。如今我已预订了四月的航程，要带他去那片他始终魂牵梦萦的水域。我女儿迫不及待要护送爷爷重归碧海。这份期待交织着酸楚与甜蜜。
Trick-Status1098
that's beautiful.
这真是太美好了。
stcardinal
Thank you for sharing such wonderful memories of him.
感谢你分享关于他的这些美好回忆。
DNA_ligase
That is such a sweet way to pay tribute to your father. Even if these assholes offer you no support, just know there are others in your life that do want the best for you. In my life, it actually meant looking outside the Asian community for support :(
这是怀念您父亲的一种非常温暖的方式。即使这些混蛋对您毫无支持，要知道您生命中仍有其他人真诚地为您着想。就我个人而言，我实际上是在亚裔社区之外寻求了支持 :(
_feralfairy_
That sucks
太难受了
ojisan-X
You have my condolences.
请节哀。
RealCanadianSW
Sorry for your loss. Had the same thing happen when my mother passed. Couldn’t tell anyone except immediate family. We didn’t have enough people as pall bearers as those we asked didn’t want to do it because of the “bad luck” It was heartbreaking to have a funeral service with only 7 people to say goodbye to her. It wasn’t right. She never got the goodbye she deserved.
节哀顺变。我母亲去世时也遇到了同样的情况，除了直系亲属，不能告诉任何人。我们找不到足够的抬棺人，因为被问到的人都以“不吉利”为由拒绝。葬礼只有 7 个人为她送行，实在令人心碎。这不该是这样的，她没能得到应有的告别。
Mindless_Earth_2807
Sorry for your loss. I've set the funeral date to 3 weeks after his passing, so that CNY is officially closed by then. Hopefully, by next week, I can officially start making announcements. (Although that wouldn't realistically give guests enough time to prepare)
节哀顺变。我将葬礼定在了他去世三周后，这样春节已经正式结束。希望到了下周，我可以正式对外通知。（尽管这实际上不给来宾留出足够准备时间）
RealCanadianSW
That’s a good idea in hindsight. My mother passed a couple weeks before CNY so we couldn’t wait that long. I hope your father is able to get the goodbye he deserves. These things are never easy and it’s especially more difficult going through it alone. Hope you get the closure you need.
事后看来这是个好主意。我母亲去世的时间离春节只有几周，我们无法等待那么久。希望你父亲能够得到他应得的告别。这些事情从来都不容易，独自经历尤其艰难。愿你得到所需的了结。
superturtle48
I'm sorry, the grief compounded by the forced silence and shunning sounds so hard. I'm Chinese and personally haven't heard of or adhered to this superstition. Who's "not allowing" you to talk about your father? Do you have friends who don't follow this superstition who you can talk to? Or can you observe your grief at home in ways like looking for and compiling old photos or telling your daughter stories about your father?
听到这些我很难过，被强迫保持沉默并遭受回避的悲痛一定难以承受。我是中国人，个人从未听说过或遵循这种迷信。是谁“不允许”你谈论父亲？你身边有没有不信这种迷信的朋友可以倾诉？或者在家通过寻找整理旧照片、给女儿讲关于父亲的故事等方式来缅怀他？
Mindless_Earth_2807
I have close friends who know about his passing, but it's frowned upon to let my extended family know. I caught someone telling their kid not to say hi to me after they found out about my dad's death. (I had to tell my workplace about his passing on the day of because I was working, and they frowned at me, saying not to mention this again until after Chinese New Year). I was uninvited to events that were planned weeks prior.
我有几位亲近的朋友知道他去世的消息，但让其他亲戚知道是不被允许的。我无意中听到有人发现我父亲去世后，告诉孩子不要和我打招呼。（当天因为要工作，我不得不通知工作单位父亲的死讯，他们却面露不悦，让我在春节前不要再提此事）。原本几周前就安排好的活动，我也被临时取消了邀请。
I've been looking at his photos and reliving the good moments in my head.
我一直在翻看他的照片，在脑海里重温那些美好的时光。
I'm going to give him the wake he deserves, and the burial at sea that he has always wanted.
我会为他举行应有的追悼仪式，并实现他一直以来渴望的海葬。
FUN FACT: He worked on a cruise ship for much of his youth, and his passion was everything water-related.
有趣的事实：他年轻时大部分时间都在邮轮上工作，对一切与水相关的事物都充满热情。
During his last few years (when his health was deteriorating), he said he wanted to see what the modern cruise ships look like and how things have changed. Due to health issues, we couldn't make that trip happen safely. I have now booked a cruise in April to take him where he always felt he belonged. My daughter cannot wait to escort her grandpa to the waters. It's bittersweet.
在他生命的最后几年（健康状况逐渐恶化时），他曾说想看看现代邮轮变成了什么模样，感受时代的变迁。由于健康原因，我们始终没能安全成行。如今我已预订了四月的航程，要带他去那片他始终魂牵梦萦的水域。我女儿迫不及待要护送爷爷重归碧海。这份期待交织着酸楚与甜蜜。
superturtle48
Wow the way people are treating you is rough. It sounds like you're in a community of other Chinese folks, which I'm sure must bring belonging and support in many instances, but I can see how being surrounded by people who think one way can also be stifling. Wishing you the best in honoring your father the way that you want to - that cruise trip sounds like it'll be a special memory.
你周围人的对待方式真是令人难受。虽然身处华人社区能带来归属感和支持，但被单一思维模式包围确实会令人窒息。衷心祝愿你能以自己想要的方式纪念父亲——那趟邮轮之旅必将成为珍贵的回忆。
allelitepieceofshit1
I'm Chinese and personally haven't heard of or adhered to this superstition.
作为华人，我个人从未听闻或遵循过这种迷信习俗。
many don’t, it’s just that diaspora Asians tend to be more traditional than their homeland counterparts
很多人不这样，只是海外亚洲人往往比国内同胞更传统些。
magnolias_n_peonies
This is one of the dumb traditions I choose not to adhere to. We have a friend whose wife passed away tragically right before the new year and there was no way we weren't going to visit him to comfort him in his immense grief.
这正是我不愿遵循的愚蠢传统之一。我们有个朋友，他的妻子就在新年前不幸去世，我们不可能不去看望他，安慰他度过这场巨大的悲痛。
I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm wishing you all the comfort and warmth you need is coming your way.
对你的失去深感遗憾，愿你获得所需的一切慰藉与温暖。
Mindless_Earth_2807
You're a good person. Your friend is lucky to have you.
你是个善良的人，你的朋友很幸运能拥有你。
Thank you for the comforting words.
感谢你的安慰之词。
onionpixy
I dealt with something similar when my dad passed away in 2015 - he didn't pass around CNY but his birthday would have been right in the middle of the holiday, and the way my family had to celebrate while basically ignoring the fact that he existed was so painful. But he was the more old school/traditional parent (my mom moved to the US as a kid so she's a little more Westernized in her thinking), and we tried to see following the cultural traditions as a way of continuing to honor him, because being Chinese was something he was very proud of. It still sucked though, and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
2015 年我父亲去世时也经历了类似的情况——虽然不是正好赶上春节，但他的生日恰好在假期中间。家人庆祝时几乎完全忽略他的存在，那种感觉太难受了。不过我父亲是比较传统的老派家长（母亲小时候就来美国，思想更西化些），我们试着把遵循文化传统看作延续对他敬意的方式，因为他一直以中国人的身份为荣。但这过程依然很煎熬，很遗憾你也要经历这些。
Apprehensive_Floor78
I am so sorry for your loss. Coming from a cantonese family that won’t even talk about death or sex, I plan on raising my kids differently. I hope you can share stories of your father with your kid/s.
我为你失去父亲深感难过。作为一个来自连死亡和性都不谈论的广东家庭，我计划以不同的方式养育我的孩子。希望你能和你的孩子分享你父亲的故事。
AFH5078
I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. I went through something similar December 2024 - my father suddenly passed away and my mother didn't want to tell anyone, particularly my grandmothers, for a few months. It was incredibly tough to deal with, though I think it was more emotional vs. religious for her.
听到你正在经历这些，我感到很难过。2024 年 12 月，我也经历了类似的事情——我的父亲突然去世，而我的母亲几个月都不愿告诉任何人，尤其是我的祖母们。这段经历处理起来极其艰难，虽然我想对于她而言，更多是情感而非宗教上的考量。
Old-Appearance-2270
My condolences. That’s hard not have a proper funeral in a timely way. My parents weren’t strictly superstitious and they were adult immigrants.
深表同情。无法及时举办一场体面的葬礼确实令人难过。我的父母并非严格意义上的迷信者，他们成年后才移民至此。
Tofu_buns
My grandma passed about a week before last lunar new year. My parents are Buddhist and it was advised we had to have the funeral before the new year started. I had a very tough couple of weeks so my new year was far from happy or prosperous.
我奶奶在去年春节前大约一周去世了。我父母信佛，建议我们在新年开始前办完葬礼。那几周我过得非常艰难，所以我的新年远谈不上快乐或兴旺。
Livid-Improvement953
Hey OP, your dad sounds awesome from your descxtion and I am glad that you got to share a small part of his story here, although the circumstances of how you ended up here on this sub make me sad for you. We can't fix your family situation but feel free to share more about your dad, because he sounds cool and I think a lot of us here who weren't familiar with this custom learned some things today. I think when all this is over you are going to give him the awesome funeral he deserves and then I hope you can vent your frustration with the people who aren't there for you now when they should be.
嘿楼主，从你的描述听来，你父亲真是个很棒的人。虽然你来到这个板块的缘由让我为你感到难过，但很高兴你在这里分享了他故事的一小部分。我们无法改变你的家庭处境，但请随时多聊聊你的父亲——他听起来超酷，而且我想这里许多不熟悉这个习俗的人今天都学到了一些东西。等这一切结束后，你一定能为他举办一场他应得的精彩葬礼。也希望那时，你可以向那些本该在场却缺席的人好好宣泄心中的委屈。
ajeldel
A few years ago my mother died on December 30. It is different yet I think I can feel some of your loss.
几年前我母亲在 12 月 30 日去世了。虽然情况不同，但我想我能体会你的一些悲伤。
Mindless_Earth_2807
I'm sorry for your loss. It will never be easy. I hope you've found peace.
对你的损失深感遗憾。失去亲人永远不是件容易的事。愿你已经找到了内心的平静。
rockstarbae
With the lack of people being supportive, I think it might be best to at least journal your feelings or just video recording yourself talking whatever you want to talk about. It'd be for you but hopefully, it'll be helpful to some extent.
既然身边缺少支持你的人，我想至少可以通过写日记或录视频自言自语来宣泄情感。这些方式虽说是为自己而做，但希望能对你有所助益。
Since you're itching to let the world know, you decide on if you want to mention what's going on in your social media platforms where of course, the people that follow you might not be ok with seeing it if they are the same people shunning you IRL but it's your platform and maybe someone else (less superstitious, a more real friend or a kind stranger) is open to hearing you.
既然你迫不及待想让世界知道，那就自己决定是否要在社交媒体上提这件事。当然，关注你的人可能不愿看到这些，特别是如果在现实中也回避你的那些人——但这是你的平台，也许会有其他人（不那么迷信、更真诚的朋友或是善意的陌生人）愿意倾听你的心声。
LeBoffin
Superstitions and practices around death seem more harmful then helpful. Sorry for your loss. I had similar issues with "proper" grieving based on age, relation, gender. Could not visit friend's newborn to avoid bringing bad luck to her. I hope you are able to find some outlet for grieving and healing that makes sense to you.
围绕死亡的迷信习俗似乎弊大于利。对于你的失去，我深表同情。我自己也经历过类似的困境，根据年龄、亲疏关系和性别被规定了“恰当”的哀悼方式。甚至不能去探望朋友的新生儿，以免给她带去厄运。希望你能够找到适合自己的方式，来宣泄悲伤并疗愈心灵。
win_s
I've never heard of this. The only thing told to me was to not visit anyone's home and not to attend any celebration. (Which probably not in the mood of that)
我从未听说过这种习俗。家人只告诫我不要拜访他人家中，也不要参加任何庆祝活动。（况且那种场合下也实在没心情去。）
My condolences and you can tell us here and get support.
请节哀，你可以在这里倾诉，我们会支持你。
Important_frx_2871
So sorry for your loss. A Viet here. My dad passed away like a month before Tet holiday and that Tet was so depressing af. Yeah like you, I find out that our culture has a lot of dumb and inhuman shit and I never ever adhere to. The older I get, the less I care about my culture nor what others say. Fuck them. You do what you think a decent person should do. Wish you strength.
对你父亲的离世，我感到非常难过。我来自越南家庭，我爸爸也是在春节前一个月去世的，那个春节过得极其压抑。确实，和你一样，我也意识到我们的文化中存在许多荒唐且不人道的规定，而我从未打算遵守。随着年龄增长，我越来越不在乎传统文化或他人的看法。去他们的吧。你只需要按照自己认为正直的人该做的去做。愿你坚强。
emeelley
Very sorry for your loss. Do you have non-Chinese or religious friends you can share with?
对你的遭遇深表同情。你是否有非华人或信仰宗教的朋友可以倾诉？
Mindless_Earth_2807
I've told some of my non-Chinese friends, but they've never met my dad, so it's not the same.
我跟一些非华裔朋友提起过，但他们从未见过我父亲，感觉总是不一样。
emeelley
I’m sorry. It sucks that they are being so awful and it’s not something anyone deserves regardless of superstition. I hope you get to share soon and honour his life with those who knew him. Sending you care. ❤️
我很难过。他们如此糟糕真是太令人失望了，而且无论什么迷信，都不该有人遭受这样的对待。希望你能很快有机会与那些认识他的人一起分享并纪念他的生命。送上我的关心。❤️
hairybalzac69
This happened to my father as well. There was a wedding ocurring around the same time and I was forbidden from attending any celebration or going to their wedding due to fears about spreading bad luck.
我父亲去世时也遇到了同样的情况。当时恰逢一场婚礼，由于担心会传播厄运，我被禁止参加任何庆祝活动或他们的婚礼。
Which opened my eyes to how selfish people were. I cut all of them off and only remained in contact with a few relatives who didn't believe in that sort of stupid shit.
这让我看清了某些人有多么自私。我与他们所有人断绝了联系，只和少数不相信那种愚蠢说法的亲戚保持来往。
stcardinal
It's just a belief system and not what you're making it out to be. Sorry for your loss, but part of being Asian is living by these cultural beliefs. Believe me, people care and feel terrible for you.
这只是种信仰体系，并没有你想象的那么严重。为你的失去感到遗憾，但作为亚洲人，遵守这些文化信仰也是生活的一部分。相信我，人们是关心你的，也为你感到难过。
KaiserLC
Superstition… too bad you just have to wait couple weeks.
迷信...真可惜你只能再等几个星期了。
I_Pariah
That's awful. Yeah these superstitions are not helpful. That is not one I will have any interest in ever practicing or entertaining. My sister was told not to go to our grandmother's funeral (who basically raised us until we became teenagers) because she was pregnant at the time and if she went that it would bring bad luck on her and the baby. I was like "WTF?" about it and didn't even find out my sister wasn't going to be there until the funeral was already happening.
真是令人难过。这些迷信说法一点用都没有，这种传统我一点兴趣都没有，以后也绝不会去践行或接受。我姐姐就被告知不能参加我们外婆的葬礼——外婆基本上是把我们带到青少年时期的主要抚养人——因为当时她正怀孕，如果参加葬礼会给她和宝宝带来厄运。我听说后简直一脸问号：“搞什么鬼？”更离谱的是，直到葬礼开始后我才发现姐姐竟然不在场。
If it is any consolation, know that you will not need to follow these rules nor pass it down to your children. You can be the better example.
如果这能给你一点安慰，要知道你无需遵循这些规则，也不必将其传递给子女。你可以成为更好的榜样。
And although it is easier said than done, a change in environment might be worth considering if this is the type of community you are currently around.
尽管说起来容易做起来难，但如果你所处的正是这样的环境，或许值得考虑换一个生活环境。
Tinychair445
Religion and cultural tradition lures people into doing weird shit. It doesn’t have to make sense if it works for you. But if it doesn’t work for you (and you’re ready to shoulder the backlash), you can do whatever you want
宗教与文化传统常常诱使人们做出匪夷所思的事情。只要对你有效，它不必合乎逻辑。但若它不适合你（且你已准备好承受随之而来的反弹），你完全可以按照自己的意愿行事
biebergotswag
cny is a very common time for death, we dealt with these quite a few times in our family.
在春节时期离世是很常见的情况，我们家就经历过好几次这样的情况。
your extended family is weird, that response is not natural.
你的大家庭真奇怪，这种反应太不自然了。
Alteregokai
Sorry for your loss. It sucks that this superstition exists, though I say, be vocal. Idk if you need permission, but anyone who avoids you or your family is no friend or anyone you want going to the funeral.
对你的失去表示哀悼。尽管我觉得这种迷信很糟糕，但我认为你可以直言不讳。我不确定你是否需要征求同意，但那些因此避开你或你家人的朋友，根本不值得参加葬礼。
If I was a ghost, I'd haunt people who avoid me and my family because of a dumb superstition, for 7 years to make it fitting.
如果我是个鬼魂，我会因为这种愚蠢的迷信缠上那些躲着我和我家人的家伙，要缠他们七年才够本。
DNA_ligase
I'm not Chinese, but after my mom died, I faced a similar situation. Lots of people refused to come due to having auspicious celebrations like weddings in the future, so coming to our funeral services would "taint" their luck. Especially grating since my mom had helped a lot of those same folks out when they were in very bad situations.
我不是中国人，但在我妈妈去世后，我也经历了类似的情况。很多人因为未来有婚礼之类的喜庆活动而拒绝参加葬礼，认为来参加葬礼服务会"玷污"他们的运气。尤其让我愤怒的是，我妈妈在这些朋友曾经处境艰难时还多次伸出援手。
It's awful, and I'd never have done to them what they did to me. I will never forget it, and I will not be helping them in kind in the future.
这件事让我非常难受，我绝不会像他们对我那样对待他们。我永远不会忘记这件事，以后也不会再以同样的方式帮助他们。
LookOutItsLiuBei
When my grandparents died, each time I brought my kids to the funeral. My relatives were freaking out because they were worried my kids would be cursed with bad luck. They actually forced my cousins to not bring their kids, but I think my own parents knew not to argue with me on that.
我的祖父母去世时，每次我都带着孩子去参加葬礼。亲戚们大惊失色，担心孩子会因此沾上晦气。他们甚至强迫堂兄妹不许带孩子，但我想我的父母知道在那件事上没必要与我争辩。
Waste_Strawberry6766
This is one of the many things I dislike about our culture
这就是我对我们文化不喜欢的许多地方之一
Trumpetslayer1111
One of the many idiotic superstitions in Asian culture. My coworker was divorced. After that, she was not invited to any weddings from Asian family and friends. It’s stupid.
这是亚洲文化中众多愚蠢迷信之一。我的一位同事离婚了，自那以后，她的亚裔亲友们就再也没邀请她参加过任何婚礼。真是太愚蠢了。
It's not a religious belief. It's dumb superstitions. I'm sorry for your loss. Some people may be upset they weren't able to pay their respects. Blame others.
这不是宗教信仰。只是愚蠢的迷信。节哀顺变。有些人可能会因为他们未能表达敬意而生气。那就责怪他人吧。
NumbersOverFeelings
Religion is just beliefs too. It doesn’t deserve more or less tolerance than other beliefs.
宗教也不过是信仰罢了。它既不比其他信仰更值得宽容，也不该更受排斥。
KeepGoing655
It really is dumb ass superstition. When my aunt passed, most of my family "wasn't allowed" to go because of one superstitious excuse after another. A few couldn't go because my uncle's wife said their birthdates had some bad mojo with my aunt's date of death. I could tell my cousin was pretty hurt at the lack of family members showing up. Especially since we had a big family. And they sure didn't mind showing up at my aunt's house during holidays when she cooked for us all. Such fucking bullshit.
这简直就是荒谬透顶的迷信。我姑姑去世时，家里大部分人"不被允许"出席，各种迷信借口层出不穷。有几位亲戚不能去是因为姑父的妻子说他们的生辰八字和我姑姑的忌日相冲。我能看出堂姐对家人缺席的失落，尤其我们本是个大家族。可当初每逢节假日姑姑下厨招待时，这些人倒是从不缺席。真是他妈的一派胡言。
NumbersOverFeelings
No dumber than something like transubstantiation. Or that the universe is morally policed by an invisible power that’ll punish you with eternal torture. If you hate on the superstition hate on religions equally. (Not saying you don’t, but the comment I replied to said “It’s not a religious belief.”)
这和圣餐变体论也没什么两样。或者说什么宇宙被无形力量道德监管，会用永恒折磨惩罚世人。要批判迷信就该对宗教一视同仁。（不是说你不这样做，但我回复的那条评论声称"这并非宗教信仰"）
spooonfairy
i’m so sorry for your loss .
节哀顺变。
BeautifulDiet4091
I am sorry that you are going through this. My brother married an American woman who mentioned her grandfather had just passed away that week. I was terrified how/if my parents would hear about it.
对于你正经历的这些，我深表遗憾。我弟弟娶了一位美国女性，当时她提到她的祖父就在那一周去世了。我当时非常担心我的父母会怎样或是否得知此事。
Capable_Salt_SD
Condolences, friend
请节哀，朋友。
OkGuide2802
I did not know this was a thing lol
我不知道原来还有这种习俗，笑死。
BeautifulDiet4091
my gramma died around same time as my auntie and our sides of the family couldn't interact! like we were swirling each other's bad fortune
我祖母和姑母差不多在同一时间去世，我们两边的家人居然不能互相往来！好像生怕沾染彼此的不幸一样。
OkGuide2802
Which region of China are your family from?
你家祖籍是中国哪个地区的？
BalboaBaggins
Based on descxtion I'm pretty confident OP's family is Cantonese, who are generally a lot more superstitious.
根据描述，我相当肯定楼主家是广东人，那边的迷信习俗通常更为盛行。
Many Chinese from other regions don't observe "traditions" like this one and find them to be bizarre, archaic, and potentially harmful like in this case for OP.
许多来自中国其他地区的人并不遵循这类“传统”，反而觉得它们既古怪又过时，甚至可能造成伤害，就像楼主这种情况。
OkGuide2802
I am Cantonese too. It just seems really cruel. I've never seen or heard of anything like it. Like when my uncle died after fighting cancer, family flew in from across the country and around the world on very short notice to help my aunt out. I just can't imagine keeping it under wraps because of a holiday. But idk, maybe my family is weird.
我也是广东人。这做法听起来真的挺残忍的，我从未见过或听说过类似的情况。比如我叔叔与癌症抗争后去世时，亲戚们收到消息后立刻从全国各地乃至全球飞回来帮助我婶婶。我实在无法想象因为某个节日就要隐瞒亲人离世的消息。但话说回来，可能我家比较特立独行吧。
Apt_5
If they are weird, I'm glad! But I also don't think people can control what they believe. Like if they really, truly believe something will cause bad luck, they can't force themselves to do it. I guess it would seem akin to self-harm.
如果这叫特立独行，那我很庆幸！不过我也觉得人们很难控制自己的信念。如果他们真心实意地相信某件事会带来厄运，确实没法强迫自己去做。这大概有点像自我伤害吧。
I personally can't imagine knowing enough superstitions for them to even come to mind when it comes to a close relative or any loved one passing.
我个人无法想象自己会了解那么多迷信说法，以至于在至亲或任何所爱之人离世时，脑子里最先蹦出来的竟是那些忌讳。
Trick-Status1098
You're still worth the world to your kid.
对你的孩子而言，你依然是全世界最珍贵的存在。
Forget about other people, don't even try to guess why they are the way they are. Let be.
别去琢磨别人怎么想，也别费心猜测他们的心思。顺其自然就好。
Learn about the 49 day funerary rite/mourning ritual in your locale, follow it all the way to the end, give your father a good burial.
了解一下当地为期 49 天的丧葬习俗，从始至终遵循仪式，好好送父亲最后一程。
Mindless_Earth_2807
Yes, I'm going to give him the wake he deserves, and the burial at sea that he had always wanted.
是的，我会为他举办体面的告别仪式，再遵照他生前所愿进行海葬。
FUN FACT: He worked on a cruise ship in his youth, and his passion was everything water-related.
【冷知识】：他年轻时曾在邮轮工作，毕生挚爱都与大海有关。
During his last few years (when his health was deteriorating), he said he wanted to see what the modern cruise ships look like and how things have changed. Due to health issues, we couldn't make that trip happen safely. I have now booked a cruise in April to take him where he always felt he belonged. My daughter cannot wait to escort her grandpa to the waters. It's bittersweet.
在他生命的最后几年（健康状况逐渐恶化时），他曾说想看看现代邮轮变成了什么模样，感受时代的变迁。由于健康原因，我们始终没能安全成行。如今我已预订了四月的航程，要带他去那片他始终魂牵梦萦的水域。我女儿迫不及待要护送爷爷重归碧海。这份期待交织着酸楚与甜蜜。
Trick-Status1098
that's beautiful.
这真是太美好了。
stcardinal
Thank you for sharing such wonderful memories of him.
感谢你分享关于他的这些美好回忆。
DNA_ligase
That is such a sweet way to pay tribute to your father. Even if these assholes offer you no support, just know there are others in your life that do want the best for you. In my life, it actually meant looking outside the Asian community for support :(
这是怀念您父亲的一种非常温暖的方式。即使这些混蛋对您毫无支持，要知道您生命中仍有其他人真诚地为您着想。就我个人而言，我实际上是在亚裔社区之外寻求了支持 :(
_feralfairy_
That sucks
太难受了
ojisan-X
You have my condolences.
请节哀。
RealCanadianSW
Sorry for your loss. Had the same thing happen when my mother passed. Couldn’t tell anyone except immediate family. We didn’t have enough people as pall bearers as those we asked didn’t want to do it because of the “bad luck” It was heartbreaking to have a funeral service with only 7 people to say goodbye to her. It wasn’t right. She never got the goodbye she deserved.
节哀顺变。我母亲去世时也遇到了同样的情况，除了直系亲属，不能告诉任何人。我们找不到足够的抬棺人，因为被问到的人都以“不吉利”为由拒绝。葬礼只有 7 个人为她送行，实在令人心碎。这不该是这样的，她没能得到应有的告别。
Mindless_Earth_2807
Sorry for your loss. I've set the funeral date to 3 weeks after his passing, so that CNY is officially closed by then. Hopefully, by next week, I can officially start making announcements. (Although that wouldn't realistically give guests enough time to prepare)
节哀顺变。我将葬礼定在了他去世三周后，这样春节已经正式结束。希望到了下周，我可以正式对外通知。（尽管这实际上不给来宾留出足够准备时间）
RealCanadianSW
That’s a good idea in hindsight. My mother passed a couple weeks before CNY so we couldn’t wait that long. I hope your father is able to get the goodbye he deserves. These things are never easy and it’s especially more difficult going through it alone. Hope you get the closure you need.
事后看来这是个好主意。我母亲去世的时间离春节只有几周，我们无法等待那么久。希望你父亲能够得到他应得的告别。这些事情从来都不容易，独自经历尤其艰难。愿你得到所需的了结。
superturtle48
I'm sorry, the grief compounded by the forced silence and shunning sounds so hard. I'm Chinese and personally haven't heard of or adhered to this superstition. Who's "not allowing" you to talk about your father? Do you have friends who don't follow this superstition who you can talk to? Or can you observe your grief at home in ways like looking for and compiling old photos or telling your daughter stories about your father?
听到这些我很难过，被强迫保持沉默并遭受回避的悲痛一定难以承受。我是中国人，个人从未听说过或遵循这种迷信。是谁“不允许”你谈论父亲？你身边有没有不信这种迷信的朋友可以倾诉？或者在家通过寻找整理旧照片、给女儿讲关于父亲的故事等方式来缅怀他？
Mindless_Earth_2807
I have close friends who know about his passing, but it's frowned upon to let my extended family know. I caught someone telling their kid not to say hi to me after they found out about my dad's death. (I had to tell my workplace about his passing on the day of because I was working, and they frowned at me, saying not to mention this again until after Chinese New Year). I was uninvited to events that were planned weeks prior.
我有几位亲近的朋友知道他去世的消息，但让其他亲戚知道是不被允许的。我无意中听到有人发现我父亲去世后，告诉孩子不要和我打招呼。（当天因为要工作，我不得不通知工作单位父亲的死讯，他们却面露不悦，让我在春节前不要再提此事）。原本几周前就安排好的活动，我也被临时取消了邀请。
I've been looking at his photos and reliving the good moments in my head.
我一直在翻看他的照片，在脑海里重温那些美好的时光。
I'm going to give him the wake he deserves, and the burial at sea that he has always wanted.
我会为他举行应有的追悼仪式，并实现他一直以来渴望的海葬。
FUN FACT: He worked on a cruise ship for much of his youth, and his passion was everything water-related.
有趣的事实：他年轻时大部分时间都在邮轮上工作，对一切与水相关的事物都充满热情。
During his last few years (when his health was deteriorating), he said he wanted to see what the modern cruise ships look like and how things have changed. Due to health issues, we couldn't make that trip happen safely. I have now booked a cruise in April to take him where he always felt he belonged. My daughter cannot wait to escort her grandpa to the waters. It's bittersweet.
在他生命的最后几年（健康状况逐渐恶化时），他曾说想看看现代邮轮变成了什么模样，感受时代的变迁。由于健康原因，我们始终没能安全成行。如今我已预订了四月的航程，要带他去那片他始终魂牵梦萦的水域。我女儿迫不及待要护送爷爷重归碧海。这份期待交织着酸楚与甜蜜。
superturtle48
Wow the way people are treating you is rough. It sounds like you're in a community of other Chinese folks, which I'm sure must bring belonging and support in many instances, but I can see how being surrounded by people who think one way can also be stifling. Wishing you the best in honoring your father the way that you want to - that cruise trip sounds like it'll be a special memory.
你周围人的对待方式真是令人难受。虽然身处华人社区能带来归属感和支持，但被单一思维模式包围确实会令人窒息。衷心祝愿你能以自己想要的方式纪念父亲——那趟邮轮之旅必将成为珍贵的回忆。
allelitepieceofshit1
I'm Chinese and personally haven't heard of or adhered to this superstition.
作为华人，我个人从未听闻或遵循过这种迷信习俗。
many don’t, it’s just that diaspora Asians tend to be more traditional than their homeland counterparts
很多人不这样，只是海外亚洲人往往比国内同胞更传统些。
magnolias_n_peonies
This is one of the dumb traditions I choose not to adhere to. We have a friend whose wife passed away tragically right before the new year and there was no way we weren't going to visit him to comfort him in his immense grief.
这正是我不愿遵循的愚蠢传统之一。我们有个朋友，他的妻子就在新年前不幸去世，我们不可能不去看望他，安慰他度过这场巨大的悲痛。
I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm wishing you all the comfort and warmth you need is coming your way.
对你的失去深感遗憾，愿你获得所需的一切慰藉与温暖。
Mindless_Earth_2807
You're a good person. Your friend is lucky to have you.
你是个善良的人，你的朋友很幸运能拥有你。
Thank you for the comforting words.
感谢你的安慰之词。
onionpixy
I dealt with something similar when my dad passed away in 2015 - he didn't pass around CNY but his birthday would have been right in the middle of the holiday, and the way my family had to celebrate while basically ignoring the fact that he existed was so painful. But he was the more old school/traditional parent (my mom moved to the US as a kid so she's a little more Westernized in her thinking), and we tried to see following the cultural traditions as a way of continuing to honor him, because being Chinese was something he was very proud of. It still sucked though, and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
2015 年我父亲去世时也经历了类似的情况——虽然不是正好赶上春节，但他的生日恰好在假期中间。家人庆祝时几乎完全忽略他的存在，那种感觉太难受了。不过我父亲是比较传统的老派家长（母亲小时候就来美国，思想更西化些），我们试着把遵循文化传统看作延续对他敬意的方式，因为他一直以中国人的身份为荣。但这过程依然很煎熬，很遗憾你也要经历这些。
Apprehensive_Floor78
I am so sorry for your loss. Coming from a cantonese family that won’t even talk about death or sex, I plan on raising my kids differently. I hope you can share stories of your father with your kid/s.
我为你失去父亲深感难过。作为一个来自连死亡和性都不谈论的广东家庭，我计划以不同的方式养育我的孩子。希望你能和你的孩子分享你父亲的故事。
AFH5078
I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. I went through something similar December 2024 - my father suddenly passed away and my mother didn't want to tell anyone, particularly my grandmothers, for a few months. It was incredibly tough to deal with, though I think it was more emotional vs. religious for her.
听到你正在经历这些，我感到很难过。2024 年 12 月，我也经历了类似的事情——我的父亲突然去世，而我的母亲几个月都不愿告诉任何人，尤其是我的祖母们。这段经历处理起来极其艰难，虽然我想对于她而言，更多是情感而非宗教上的考量。
Old-Appearance-2270
My condolences. That’s hard not have a proper funeral in a timely way. My parents weren’t strictly superstitious and they were adult immigrants.
深表同情。无法及时举办一场体面的葬礼确实令人难过。我的父母并非严格意义上的迷信者，他们成年后才移民至此。
Tofu_buns
My grandma passed about a week before last lunar new year. My parents are Buddhist and it was advised we had to have the funeral before the new year started. I had a very tough couple of weeks so my new year was far from happy or prosperous.
我奶奶在去年春节前大约一周去世了。我父母信佛，建议我们在新年开始前办完葬礼。那几周我过得非常艰难，所以我的新年远谈不上快乐或兴旺。
Livid-Improvement953
Hey OP, your dad sounds awesome from your descxtion and I am glad that you got to share a small part of his story here, although the circumstances of how you ended up here on this sub make me sad for you. We can't fix your family situation but feel free to share more about your dad, because he sounds cool and I think a lot of us here who weren't familiar with this custom learned some things today. I think when all this is over you are going to give him the awesome funeral he deserves and then I hope you can vent your frustration with the people who aren't there for you now when they should be.
嘿楼主，从你的描述听来，你父亲真是个很棒的人。虽然你来到这个板块的缘由让我为你感到难过，但很高兴你在这里分享了他故事的一小部分。我们无法改变你的家庭处境，但请随时多聊聊你的父亲——他听起来超酷，而且我想这里许多不熟悉这个习俗的人今天都学到了一些东西。等这一切结束后，你一定能为他举办一场他应得的精彩葬礼。也希望那时，你可以向那些本该在场却缺席的人好好宣泄心中的委屈。
ajeldel
A few years ago my mother died on December 30. It is different yet I think I can feel some of your loss.
几年前我母亲在 12 月 30 日去世了。虽然情况不同，但我想我能体会你的一些悲伤。
Mindless_Earth_2807
I'm sorry for your loss. It will never be easy. I hope you've found peace.
对你的损失深感遗憾。失去亲人永远不是件容易的事。愿你已经找到了内心的平静。
rockstarbae
With the lack of people being supportive, I think it might be best to at least journal your feelings or just video recording yourself talking whatever you want to talk about. It'd be for you but hopefully, it'll be helpful to some extent.
既然身边缺少支持你的人，我想至少可以通过写日记或录视频自言自语来宣泄情感。这些方式虽说是为自己而做，但希望能对你有所助益。
Since you're itching to let the world know, you decide on if you want to mention what's going on in your social media platforms where of course, the people that follow you might not be ok with seeing it if they are the same people shunning you IRL but it's your platform and maybe someone else (less superstitious, a more real friend or a kind stranger) is open to hearing you.
既然你迫不及待想让世界知道，那就自己决定是否要在社交媒体上提这件事。当然，关注你的人可能不愿看到这些，特别是如果在现实中也回避你的那些人——但这是你的平台，也许会有其他人（不那么迷信、更真诚的朋友或是善意的陌生人）愿意倾听你的心声。
LeBoffin
Superstitions and practices around death seem more harmful then helpful. Sorry for your loss. I had similar issues with "proper" grieving based on age, relation, gender. Could not visit friend's newborn to avoid bringing bad luck to her. I hope you are able to find some outlet for grieving and healing that makes sense to you.
围绕死亡的迷信习俗似乎弊大于利。对于你的失去，我深表同情。我自己也经历过类似的困境，根据年龄、亲疏关系和性别被规定了“恰当”的哀悼方式。甚至不能去探望朋友的新生儿，以免给她带去厄运。希望你能够找到适合自己的方式，来宣泄悲伤并疗愈心灵。
win_s
I've never heard of this. The only thing told to me was to not visit anyone's home and not to attend any celebration. (Which probably not in the mood of that)
我从未听说过这种习俗。家人只告诫我不要拜访他人家中，也不要参加任何庆祝活动。（况且那种场合下也实在没心情去。）
My condolences and you can tell us here and get support.
请节哀，你可以在这里倾诉，我们会支持你。
Important_frx_2871
So sorry for your loss. A Viet here. My dad passed away like a month before Tet holiday and that Tet was so depressing af. Yeah like you, I find out that our culture has a lot of dumb and inhuman shit and I never ever adhere to. The older I get, the less I care about my culture nor what others say. Fuck them. You do what you think a decent person should do. Wish you strength.
对你父亲的离世，我感到非常难过。我来自越南家庭，我爸爸也是在春节前一个月去世的，那个春节过得极其压抑。确实，和你一样，我也意识到我们的文化中存在许多荒唐且不人道的规定，而我从未打算遵守。随着年龄增长，我越来越不在乎传统文化或他人的看法。去他们的吧。你只需要按照自己认为正直的人该做的去做。愿你坚强。
emeelley
Very sorry for your loss. Do you have non-Chinese or religious friends you can share with?
对你的遭遇深表同情。你是否有非华人或信仰宗教的朋友可以倾诉？
Mindless_Earth_2807
I've told some of my non-Chinese friends, but they've never met my dad, so it's not the same.
我跟一些非华裔朋友提起过，但他们从未见过我父亲，感觉总是不一样。
emeelley
I’m sorry. It sucks that they are being so awful and it’s not something anyone deserves regardless of superstition. I hope you get to share soon and honour his life with those who knew him. Sending you care. ❤️
我很难过。他们如此糟糕真是太令人失望了，而且无论什么迷信，都不该有人遭受这样的对待。希望你能很快有机会与那些认识他的人一起分享并纪念他的生命。送上我的关心。❤️
hairybalzac69
This happened to my father as well. There was a wedding ocurring around the same time and I was forbidden from attending any celebration or going to their wedding due to fears about spreading bad luck.
我父亲去世时也遇到了同样的情况。当时恰逢一场婚礼，由于担心会传播厄运，我被禁止参加任何庆祝活动或他们的婚礼。
Which opened my eyes to how selfish people were. I cut all of them off and only remained in contact with a few relatives who didn't believe in that sort of stupid shit.
这让我看清了某些人有多么自私。我与他们所有人断绝了联系，只和少数不相信那种愚蠢说法的亲戚保持来往。
stcardinal
It's just a belief system and not what you're making it out to be. Sorry for your loss, but part of being Asian is living by these cultural beliefs. Believe me, people care and feel terrible for you.
这只是种信仰体系，并没有你想象的那么严重。为你的失去感到遗憾，但作为亚洲人，遵守这些文化信仰也是生活的一部分。相信我，人们是关心你的，也为你感到难过。
KaiserLC
Superstition… too bad you just have to wait couple weeks.
迷信...真可惜你只能再等几个星期了。
I_Pariah
That's awful. Yeah these superstitions are not helpful. That is not one I will have any interest in ever practicing or entertaining. My sister was told not to go to our grandmother's funeral (who basically raised us until we became teenagers) because she was pregnant at the time and if she went that it would bring bad luck on her and the baby. I was like "WTF?" about it and didn't even find out my sister wasn't going to be there until the funeral was already happening.
真是令人难过。这些迷信说法一点用都没有，这种传统我一点兴趣都没有，以后也绝不会去践行或接受。我姐姐就被告知不能参加我们外婆的葬礼——外婆基本上是把我们带到青少年时期的主要抚养人——因为当时她正怀孕，如果参加葬礼会给她和宝宝带来厄运。我听说后简直一脸问号：“搞什么鬼？”更离谱的是，直到葬礼开始后我才发现姐姐竟然不在场。
If it is any consolation, know that you will not need to follow these rules nor pass it down to your children. You can be the better example.
如果这能给你一点安慰，要知道你无需遵循这些规则，也不必将其传递给子女。你可以成为更好的榜样。
And although it is easier said than done, a change in environment might be worth considering if this is the type of community you are currently around.
尽管说起来容易做起来难，但如果你所处的正是这样的环境，或许值得考虑换一个生活环境。
Tinychair445
Religion and cultural tradition lures people into doing weird shit. It doesn’t have to make sense if it works for you. But if it doesn’t work for you (and you’re ready to shoulder the backlash), you can do whatever you want
宗教与文化传统常常诱使人们做出匪夷所思的事情。只要对你有效，它不必合乎逻辑。但若它不适合你（且你已准备好承受随之而来的反弹），你完全可以按照自己的意愿行事
biebergotswag
cny is a very common time for death, we dealt with these quite a few times in our family.
在春节时期离世是很常见的情况，我们家就经历过好几次这样的情况。
your extended family is weird, that response is not natural.
你的大家庭真奇怪，这种反应太不自然了。
Alteregokai
Sorry for your loss. It sucks that this superstition exists, though I say, be vocal. Idk if you need permission, but anyone who avoids you or your family is no friend or anyone you want going to the funeral.
对你的失去表示哀悼。尽管我觉得这种迷信很糟糕，但我认为你可以直言不讳。我不确定你是否需要征求同意，但那些因此避开你或你家人的朋友，根本不值得参加葬礼。
If I was a ghost, I'd haunt people who avoid me and my family because of a dumb superstition, for 7 years to make it fitting.
如果我是个鬼魂，我会因为这种愚蠢的迷信缠上那些躲着我和我家人的家伙，要缠他们七年才够本。
DNA_ligase
I'm not Chinese, but after my mom died, I faced a similar situation. Lots of people refused to come due to having auspicious celebrations like weddings in the future, so coming to our funeral services would "taint" their luck. Especially grating since my mom had helped a lot of those same folks out when they were in very bad situations.
我不是中国人，但在我妈妈去世后，我也经历了类似的情况。很多人因为未来有婚礼之类的喜庆活动而拒绝参加葬礼，认为来参加葬礼服务会"玷污"他们的运气。尤其让我愤怒的是，我妈妈在这些朋友曾经处境艰难时还多次伸出援手。
It's awful, and I'd never have done to them what they did to me. I will never forget it, and I will not be helping them in kind in the future.
这件事让我非常难受，我绝不会像他们对我那样对待他们。我永远不会忘记这件事，以后也不会再以同样的方式帮助他们。
LookOutItsLiuBei
When my grandparents died, each time I brought my kids to the funeral. My relatives were freaking out because they were worried my kids would be cursed with bad luck. They actually forced my cousins to not bring their kids, but I think my own parents knew not to argue with me on that.
我的祖父母去世时，每次我都带着孩子去参加葬礼。亲戚们大惊失色，担心孩子会因此沾上晦气。他们甚至强迫堂兄妹不许带孩子，但我想我的父母知道在那件事上没必要与我争辩。
Waste_Strawberry6766
This is one of the many things I dislike about our culture
这就是我对我们文化不喜欢的许多地方之一
Trumpetslayer1111
One of the many idiotic superstitions in Asian culture. My coworker was divorced. After that, she was not invited to any weddings from Asian family and friends. It’s stupid.
这是亚洲文化中众多愚蠢迷信之一。我的一位同事离婚了，自那以后，她的亚裔亲友们就再也没邀请她参加过任何婚礼。真是太愚蠢了。
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