如何停止争论?
正文翻译
How do I stop an argument?
如何停止争论?
How do I stop an argument?
如何停止争论?
评论翻译
Amy Babineaux, Special Education Teacher (1990–present)
One of my defusing strategies is to act like I don't understand that I am being insulted. Here is one of my favorite examples:
New to an inner city school mid year, I got word that some boys were going to try to make me cry.
I noticed a few young men in what looked like a football huddle right outside of my classroom before the bell rang. I thought they might be the students with a mission to get me to shed some tears, and they were.
After I took attendance, they immediately starting slinging insults. One slam in particular was about my hair looking like a bird’s nest and how it seemed as if I hadn't bothered to comb it for a few days.
Perfect time to defuse!
ME: “Oh my goodness, you guys noticed! That's exactly the look I was going for. In the 60's there was a hairstyle called "The Beehive", and in this decade it's going to be "The Bird's Nest." It's a new trend, and now you can say you know the lady who started it all! Wow, your observation skills are very impressive. This is going to be an awesome class! Okay, now on with the lesson.”
They had nothing to say. They didn't know me well enough to understand that I was joking. In fact, they didn't know what to think.
I never had any more problems, or "fowl" language, and the students actually became very near and dear to my heart.
我的化解策略之一就是表现得好像我不明白自己被侮辱了。下面是我最喜欢的一个例子之一:
年中，我刚到市中心的一所学校，听说有些男生想让我哭。
上课铃响之前，我注意到有几个年轻人在教室外面挤作一团，看起来像在玩橄榄球。我想他们可能是那些肩负着让我流泪的使命的学生，结果他们的确是。
我点名后，他们立刻开始辱骂我。其中一个批评是关于我的头发看起来像个鸟窝，看起来我已经好几天没有梳头了。
化解危机的最佳时机来了！
我说:“哦，天哪，你们注意到了! 这正是我想要的造型。在60年代，有一种发型叫做“蜂巢”，而在这十年里，它将成为“鸟巢”。这是一种新趋势，现在你可以说你知道是谁开创了这一切！ 哇，你的观察能力真厉害。这将是一堂很棒的课！ 好了，现在开始上课吧。”
他们无话可说。他们不太了解我，不知道我是在开玩笑。事实上，他们不知道该怎么思考了。
我再也没有遇到任何问题，或关“鸟窝”类似的语言，学生们实际上变得非常亲近我。
One of my defusing strategies is to act like I don't understand that I am being insulted. Here is one of my favorite examples:
New to an inner city school mid year, I got word that some boys were going to try to make me cry.
I noticed a few young men in what looked like a football huddle right outside of my classroom before the bell rang. I thought they might be the students with a mission to get me to shed some tears, and they were.
After I took attendance, they immediately starting slinging insults. One slam in particular was about my hair looking like a bird’s nest and how it seemed as if I hadn't bothered to comb it for a few days.
Perfect time to defuse!
ME: “Oh my goodness, you guys noticed! That's exactly the look I was going for. In the 60's there was a hairstyle called "The Beehive", and in this decade it's going to be "The Bird's Nest." It's a new trend, and now you can say you know the lady who started it all! Wow, your observation skills are very impressive. This is going to be an awesome class! Okay, now on with the lesson.”
They had nothing to say. They didn't know me well enough to understand that I was joking. In fact, they didn't know what to think.
I never had any more problems, or "fowl" language, and the students actually became very near and dear to my heart.
我的化解策略之一就是表现得好像我不明白自己被侮辱了。下面是我最喜欢的一个例子之一:
年中，我刚到市中心的一所学校，听说有些男生想让我哭。
上课铃响之前，我注意到有几个年轻人在教室外面挤作一团，看起来像在玩橄榄球。我想他们可能是那些肩负着让我流泪的使命的学生，结果他们的确是。
我点名后，他们立刻开始辱骂我。其中一个批评是关于我的头发看起来像个鸟窝，看起来我已经好几天没有梳头了。
化解危机的最佳时机来了！
我说:“哦，天哪，你们注意到了! 这正是我想要的造型。在60年代，有一种发型叫做“蜂巢”，而在这十年里，它将成为“鸟巢”。这是一种新趋势，现在你可以说你知道是谁开创了这一切！ 哇，你的观察能力真厉害。这将是一堂很棒的课！ 好了，现在开始上课吧。”
他们无话可说。他们不太了解我，不知道我是在开玩笑。事实上，他们不知道该怎么思考了。
我再也没有遇到任何问题，或关“鸟窝”类似的语言，学生们实际上变得非常亲近我。
Anceline Noel，Studied Psychology (college major) & French Language and Literature at Bryn Mawr College
Laughter, a sincere apology, and a willingness to be the first one to extend the olive branch.
Now, because this is Quora, and it’s also more fun - a story to illustrate my point.
I was at a football game supervising a group of adjudicated teenage boys, while their peers played in a game against one of the local high schools. One of them would not keep his mouth shut. There we were sitting on the bleachers in front of the superintendent, local people from the town, all of my coworkers, and all of the other kids at the facility, and this kid seemed absolutely hellbent on making himself (and by extension me) look like as much of a jerk as possible. Insulting the other team’s players, standing up when he wasn’t supposed to, making inappropriate remarks about the other team’s cheerleaders etc.
I was mortified, and to make it even worse I was really fond of this kid. He was assigned to my caseload, we spent a ton of time working together, and nine times out of ten he listened whenever I asked him to do something. But, for whatever reason that day was not one of them. The straw that broke the camels back was when I bent over in front of he and his friend to pick something up, only to overhear the two of them say something along the lines of, “Now we’ve got the best view at the whole game.” I should have walked away at that point and gotten someone else to deal with it. Instead, I lost my shit.
Which of course, set off one of the most immature and pointless arguments of my adult life thus far. Then, in a moment of total frustration, I said the one thing that I swore as a child I would never repeat. “Are you stupid or just a completely useless excuse for a human being?” It was my mother’s favorite cutting insult coming out of my mouth. For a second, it seemed like everything paused. I watched their faces and began to feel a sinking sensation. I recognized that look. It was disappointment. I had stooped to their level, and as mad we all were at that point, I knew that they both looked up to me.
大笑，真诚的道歉，以及成为愿意第一个伸出橄榄枝的人。
现在，因为这是Quora，它也更有趣，用一个故事来说明我的观点。
我在一场足球比赛中监督一群被判有罪的十几岁男孩，他们中有一个人就是闭不上嘴。我们坐在露天看台上，面前是主管、镇上的当地人、我所有的同事，还有学校里所有的其他孩子，而这个孩子似乎绝对是一心想让自己(也包括我)尽可能看起来像个混蛋。侮辱对方球员，在不该站的时候站起来，对对方的拉拉队队长说不恰当的话等等。
我感到羞愧，更糟糕的是，我真的很喜欢这个孩子。他被分配到我的案子里，我们花了大量时间一起工作，每当我要求他做某事时，他十有八九都会听。但是，不知什么原因，那天并不是其中之一。压垮骆驼的最后一根稻草是，当我在他和他的朋友面前弯腰下去捡东西时，无意中听到他们两人说了一些类似的话，“现在我们的视野是整个比赛的最佳视角。”我当时应该走开，找其他人来处理。相反，我却失去了理智。
当然，这引发了我成年以来最不成熟和最无意义的争论之一。然后，在一个极度沮丧的时刻，我说了一件我小时候发誓永远不会重复的话。“你是傻还是只是一个完全无用的借口?”我嘴里冒出来了一句我母亲最喜欢的尖酸刻薄的话 。有一瞬间，一切似乎都停顿了。我看着他们的脸开始有一种沮丧的感觉。我认出了那个表情，这是失望。我已经堕落到了他们的水平，当时我们都很生气，不过我知道他们都很尊敬我。
Laughter, a sincere apology, and a willingness to be the first one to extend the olive branch.
Now, because this is Quora, and it’s also more fun - a story to illustrate my point.
I was at a football game supervising a group of adjudicated teenage boys, while their peers played in a game against one of the local high schools. One of them would not keep his mouth shut. There we were sitting on the bleachers in front of the superintendent, local people from the town, all of my coworkers, and all of the other kids at the facility, and this kid seemed absolutely hellbent on making himself (and by extension me) look like as much of a jerk as possible. Insulting the other team’s players, standing up when he wasn’t supposed to, making inappropriate remarks about the other team’s cheerleaders etc.
I was mortified, and to make it even worse I was really fond of this kid. He was assigned to my caseload, we spent a ton of time working together, and nine times out of ten he listened whenever I asked him to do something. But, for whatever reason that day was not one of them. The straw that broke the camels back was when I bent over in front of he and his friend to pick something up, only to overhear the two of them say something along the lines of, “Now we’ve got the best view at the whole game.” I should have walked away at that point and gotten someone else to deal with it. Instead, I lost my shit.
Which of course, set off one of the most immature and pointless arguments of my adult life thus far. Then, in a moment of total frustration, I said the one thing that I swore as a child I would never repeat. “Are you stupid or just a completely useless excuse for a human being?” It was my mother’s favorite cutting insult coming out of my mouth. For a second, it seemed like everything paused. I watched their faces and began to feel a sinking sensation. I recognized that look. It was disappointment. I had stooped to their level, and as mad we all were at that point, I knew that they both looked up to me.
大笑，真诚的道歉，以及成为愿意第一个伸出橄榄枝的人。
现在，因为这是Quora，它也更有趣，用一个故事来说明我的观点。
我在一场足球比赛中监督一群被判有罪的十几岁男孩，他们中有一个人就是闭不上嘴。我们坐在露天看台上，面前是主管、镇上的当地人、我所有的同事，还有学校里所有的其他孩子，而这个孩子似乎绝对是一心想让自己(也包括我)尽可能看起来像个混蛋。侮辱对方球员，在不该站的时候站起来，对对方的拉拉队队长说不恰当的话等等。
我感到羞愧，更糟糕的是，我真的很喜欢这个孩子。他被分配到我的案子里，我们花了大量时间一起工作，每当我要求他做某事时，他十有八九都会听。但是，不知什么原因，那天并不是其中之一。压垮骆驼的最后一根稻草是，当我在他和他的朋友面前弯腰下去捡东西时，无意中听到他们两人说了一些类似的话，“现在我们的视野是整个比赛的最佳视角。”我当时应该走开，找其他人来处理。相反，我却失去了理智。
当然，这引发了我成年以来最不成熟和最无意义的争论之一。然后，在一个极度沮丧的时刻，我说了一件我小时候发誓永远不会重复的话。“你是傻还是只是一个完全无用的借口?”我嘴里冒出来了一句我母亲最喜欢的尖酸刻薄的话 。有一瞬间，一切似乎都停顿了。我看着他们的脸开始有一种沮丧的感觉。我认出了那个表情，这是失望。我已经堕落到了他们的水平，当时我们都很生气，不过我知道他们都很尊敬我。
And then, I got even angrier. I was tired of being put me on a pedestal, I was tired of everyone pinning their hopes on me, I was tired of always having to be the voice of reason, and I didn’t want to feel guilty in that moment for letting a pair of immature, deeply troubled kids down. So we kept arguing.
Suddenly, a drop of water hit me, and then another one, and then another one after that. Within seconds the sun had disappeared, and we were all being soaked to our skin in a Hollywood action film worthy downpour. That was when the absolute absurdity of the entire situation hit me.
I was sitting on a crappy high school bleacher in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a bunch of adjudicated teenage boys, and arguing with a pair of fifteen year old kids, while a mediocre football game that nobody even wanted to be playing in carried on in the background.
I lost my shit again. Except this time, I was laughing so hysterically hard that I was having trouble breathing. The fight went out of me, and it caught one of the kids so off guard that it went out of him too.
The other kid wasn’t so easily dissuaded, but by that point I was back in control of myself. We went back to the dorm, I called in another coworker to diffuse him, and took myself out of the equation.
然后，我变得更加愤怒。我厌倦了被人奉为偶像，厌倦了每个人都把希望寄托在我身上，我厌倦了总是必须发出理性的声音，我不想在那一刻因为让两个不成熟、问题严重的孩子失望而感到内疚。所以我们一直在争论。
突然，一滴水打在我身上，然后又一滴水，接着又一滴水。几秒钟后太阳就消失了，我们都被好莱坞动作片中的倾盆大雨淋得浑身湿透。就在那时，我突然意识到整个情况的荒谬。
我坐在一所稀烂的高中的露天看台上，被一群被判有罪的少年包围着，我和两个十五岁的孩子在争论，背景是一场没人想玩的普通的足球比赛。
我又失去理智了。只是这一次，我笑得太歇斯底里了，以至于呼吸都困难了。我失去了理智发生了打斗，抓到其中一个孩子了，他也失去了理智。
另一个孩子没那么容易被劝阻，但到那时我已经控制住了自己。我们回到宿舍，我叫了另一个同事来分散他的注意力，这样我就脱离了困境。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Suddenly, a drop of water hit me, and then another one, and then another one after that. Within seconds the sun had disappeared, and we were all being soaked to our skin in a Hollywood action film worthy downpour. That was when the absolute absurdity of the entire situation hit me.
I was sitting on a crappy high school bleacher in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a bunch of adjudicated teenage boys, and arguing with a pair of fifteen year old kids, while a mediocre football game that nobody even wanted to be playing in carried on in the background.
I lost my shit again. Except this time, I was laughing so hysterically hard that I was having trouble breathing. The fight went out of me, and it caught one of the kids so off guard that it went out of him too.
The other kid wasn’t so easily dissuaded, but by that point I was back in control of myself. We went back to the dorm, I called in another coworker to diffuse him, and took myself out of the equation.
然后，我变得更加愤怒。我厌倦了被人奉为偶像，厌倦了每个人都把希望寄托在我身上，我厌倦了总是必须发出理性的声音，我不想在那一刻因为让两个不成熟、问题严重的孩子失望而感到内疚。所以我们一直在争论。
突然，一滴水打在我身上，然后又一滴水，接着又一滴水。几秒钟后太阳就消失了，我们都被好莱坞动作片中的倾盆大雨淋得浑身湿透。就在那时，我突然意识到整个情况的荒谬。
我坐在一所稀烂的高中的露天看台上，被一群被判有罪的少年包围着，我和两个十五岁的孩子在争论，背景是一场没人想玩的普通的足球比赛。
我又失去理智了。只是这一次，我笑得太歇斯底里了，以至于呼吸都困难了。我失去了理智发生了打斗，抓到其中一个孩子了，他也失去了理智。
另一个孩子没那么容易被劝阻，但到那时我已经控制住了自己。我们回到宿舍，我叫了另一个同事来分散他的注意力，这样我就脱离了困境。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Then, after everyone had cooled off, I pulled him aside, I swallowed my pride, and I sincerely apologized for everything I felt I hadn’t handled well. And you know what he did in response? He admitted that he had been deliberately trying to cause problems, he admitted that he had been acting inappropriately, and he apologized to me for all of it.
Then we went to dinner, didn’t have any further issues, and everyone lived happily ever after. Except not really, because this was a last resort, residential facility, for deeply disturbed teenagers who had run afoul of the law, and that wouldn’t be realistic.
But, when I do lose my cool and end up in an argument, this is a technique I’ve used over and over again not only to diffuse it, but to walk away having built a stronger relationship with the other person. I don’t know if all the steps are necessary, but I would imagine that the real trick is the sincerity part of it. And, that’s something that you can’t really fake.
然后，在大家都冷静下来后，我把他拉到一边，我放下自尊，真诚地为我觉得没有处理好的事情道歉。你知道他怎么回应吗? 他承认他一直在故意制造麻烦，承认他的行为不恰当，他还为此向我道歉。
然后我们一起吃了顿饭，之后没再发生什么事，大家从此过上了幸福的生活。但事实并非如此，因为这是一个不得已而为之的住宿设施，供那些触犯法律的极度不安的青少年使用，这是不现实的。
但是，当我真的失去冷静，最终陷入一场争论时，这是一个我反复使用的技巧，不仅可以化解它，而且可以在离开时与对方建立更牢固的关系。我不知道是否所有的步骤都是必要的，但我想真正的技巧是真诚，这是你不能假装的。
Then we went to dinner, didn’t have any further issues, and everyone lived happily ever after. Except not really, because this was a last resort, residential facility, for deeply disturbed teenagers who had run afoul of the law, and that wouldn’t be realistic.
But, when I do lose my cool and end up in an argument, this is a technique I’ve used over and over again not only to diffuse it, but to walk away having built a stronger relationship with the other person. I don’t know if all the steps are necessary, but I would imagine that the real trick is the sincerity part of it. And, that’s something that you can’t really fake.
然后，在大家都冷静下来后，我把他拉到一边，我放下自尊，真诚地为我觉得没有处理好的事情道歉。你知道他怎么回应吗? 他承认他一直在故意制造麻烦，承认他的行为不恰当，他还为此向我道歉。
然后我们一起吃了顿饭，之后没再发生什么事，大家从此过上了幸福的生活。但事实并非如此，因为这是一个不得已而为之的住宿设施，供那些触犯法律的极度不安的青少年使用，这是不现实的。
但是，当我真的失去冷静，最终陷入一场争论时，这是一个我反复使用的技巧，不仅可以化解它，而且可以在离开时与对方建立更牢固的关系。我不知道是否所有的步骤都是必要的，但我想真正的技巧是真诚，这是你不能假装的。
Tanu Sheoran
Argument are the part of life . It happens because our thoughts cross cut each other.
Once my teacher told if u want to stop an argument .. ask the person are u happy with this . Ok I only want u to be happy . .. this line is enough to shut their mouth ..
Hope u like this
争论是生活的一部分。这是因为我们的思想相互交叉。
有一次我的老师告诉我，如果你想停止争论，问问对方你对此满意吗？ 好吧，我只想让你高兴。这句话足以让他们闭嘴。
希望你喜欢这个回答。
Argument are the part of life . It happens because our thoughts cross cut each other.
Once my teacher told if u want to stop an argument .. ask the person are u happy with this . Ok I only want u to be happy . .. this line is enough to shut their mouth ..
Hope u like this
争论是生活的一部分。这是因为我们的思想相互交叉。
有一次我的老师告诉我，如果你想停止争论，问问对方你对此满意吗？ 好吧，我只想让你高兴。这句话足以让他们闭嘴。
希望你喜欢这个回答。
Heath Weaver，I argue too much
Communication is such an interesting phenomenon.
Arguing is probably one of the best ways to see our animal brains at work. It’s wonderful to watch in others, but terrible to experience first-hand.
Avoiding an argument is actually, super easy. Simply agree with the other person. Nothing lost in that.
Muslim’s are terrorists! > Yeah, totally!
Women should stay home and make babies! > I agree!
Men are horrible! Aren’t they, though!
Christians are the root of all evil! So true!
People don’t need to eat animals! I know, how terrible.
Let’s have steak! Okay, I’m starving.
The best way is to agree. Sometimes that’s difficult, because perhaps we would like to be consistent with our values and beliefs. If we can’t agree, then what do we do?
沟通是如此有趣的现象。
争论可能是观察动物大脑工作的最好方式之一。看到别人这样做很好，但亲身体验很糟糕。
避免争论其实非常简单。只需同意对方的意见，没有什么损失。
穆斯林是恐怖分子! 是的，完全正确!
女人应该呆在家里生孩子! 我同意!
男人很可怕! 难道不是吗?
基督徒是万恶之源! 真是如此！
人们不需要吃动物! 我知道，多么可怕。
我们吃牛排吧! 好吧，我饿死了。
最好的办法是同意。有时这很难，因为也许我们想要与我们的价值观和信仰保持一致。如果我们不能达成一致，那我们该怎么办?
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Communication is such an interesting phenomenon.
Arguing is probably one of the best ways to see our animal brains at work. It’s wonderful to watch in others, but terrible to experience first-hand.
Avoiding an argument is actually, super easy. Simply agree with the other person. Nothing lost in that.
Muslim’s are terrorists! > Yeah, totally!
Women should stay home and make babies! > I agree!
Men are horrible! Aren’t they, though!
Christians are the root of all evil! So true!
People don’t need to eat animals! I know, how terrible.
Let’s have steak! Okay, I’m starving.
The best way is to agree. Sometimes that’s difficult, because perhaps we would like to be consistent with our values and beliefs. If we can’t agree, then what do we do?
沟通是如此有趣的现象。
争论可能是观察动物大脑工作的最好方式之一。看到别人这样做很好，但亲身体验很糟糕。
避免争论其实非常简单。只需同意对方的意见，没有什么损失。
穆斯林是恐怖分子! 是的，完全正确!
女人应该呆在家里生孩子! 我同意!
男人很可怕! 难道不是吗?
基督徒是万恶之源! 真是如此！
人们不需要吃动物! 我知道，多么可怕。
我们吃牛排吧! 好吧，我饿死了。
最好的办法是同意。有时这很难，因为也许我们想要与我们的价值观和信仰保持一致。如果我们不能达成一致，那我们该怎么办?
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Our brains are really interesting little machines. We bring massive, massive amounts of data together through our senses, which we sort of label this data as true and correct. Why, because we experienced it, so as best we can tell, that’s what true and correct is.
This clever machine can go even further. It can take an abstraction of these senses and make predictions and conclusions. Unfortunately, our big brains struggle to differentiate between the sensory based “obxtive” reality of the things we experience and the subjective based thoughts and ideas we have. We believe our ideas and thoughts are as correct and true as the obxts around us.
When someone comes along and challenges us, our brains kind of freeze up and go “oh shit!”. Any type of environmental stress creates this reaction from our brains to where emotions are triggered.
Really deep down, those three basic responses to anything anger, fear or sadness also known as fight, flight and freeze, tend to dictate what will come next in human communication. Generally people are not built to spend time considering the emotions that are generated prior to thoughts and actions.
In most physical situations, involving physical situations, the emotion is a shortcut to what should be done.
我们的大脑是非常有趣的小机器。我们通过感官把大量的数据汇集在一起，我们给这些数据贴上真实和正确的标签。为什么，因为我们经历过，所以我们可以说，这是真实和正确的。
这台聪明的机器可以走得更远。它可以对这些感觉进行抽象，并做出预测和结论。不幸的是，我们的大脑很难区分我们所经历的事物的基于感官的“客观”现实和基于主观的思想和想法。我们相信我们的想法和思想与我们周围的事物一样正确和真实。
当有人来挑战我们的时候，我们的大脑就会僵住，然后说“哦，该死!” 任何类型的环境压力都会从我们的大脑产生这种反应，从而触发情绪。
在内心深处，这三种对任何愤怒、恐惧或悲伤的基本反应，也被称为战斗、逃跑和僵住，往往决定了人类交流中接下来会发生什么。一般来说，人们不会花时间去考虑在思考和行动之前产生的情绪。
在大多数身体状况下，包括身体状况，情绪是通往应该做的事情的捷径。
This clever machine can go even further. It can take an abstraction of these senses and make predictions and conclusions. Unfortunately, our big brains struggle to differentiate between the sensory based “obxtive” reality of the things we experience and the subjective based thoughts and ideas we have. We believe our ideas and thoughts are as correct and true as the obxts around us.
When someone comes along and challenges us, our brains kind of freeze up and go “oh shit!”. Any type of environmental stress creates this reaction from our brains to where emotions are triggered.
Really deep down, those three basic responses to anything anger, fear or sadness also known as fight, flight and freeze, tend to dictate what will come next in human communication. Generally people are not built to spend time considering the emotions that are generated prior to thoughts and actions.
In most physical situations, involving physical situations, the emotion is a shortcut to what should be done.
我们的大脑是非常有趣的小机器。我们通过感官把大量的数据汇集在一起，我们给这些数据贴上真实和正确的标签。为什么，因为我们经历过，所以我们可以说，这是真实和正确的。
这台聪明的机器可以走得更远。它可以对这些感觉进行抽象，并做出预测和结论。不幸的是，我们的大脑很难区分我们所经历的事物的基于感官的“客观”现实和基于主观的思想和想法。我们相信我们的想法和思想与我们周围的事物一样正确和真实。
当有人来挑战我们的时候，我们的大脑就会僵住，然后说“哦，该死!” 任何类型的环境压力都会从我们的大脑产生这种反应，从而触发情绪。
在内心深处，这三种对任何愤怒、恐惧或悲伤的基本反应，也被称为战斗、逃跑和僵住，往往决定了人类交流中接下来会发生什么。一般来说，人们不会花时间去考虑在思考和行动之前产生的情绪。
在大多数身体状况下，包括身体状况，情绪是通往应该做的事情的捷径。
Some examples. You’re hungry, you go out and find something to eat. You see a potential partner that you are attracted, you go out and try to hook up. You see a rock flying towards your head, you move out of the way. You see something chase you, either run like hell or stand still.
What people are not good at is when someone disagrees with us, stopping and saying, how does that make me feel? But this is exactly what is the second best way to avoid arguments.
You have to get very good at detecting the emotions involved. If you can detect which of the three emotion they’ve triggered and in arguments it’s pretty much always one of the three (when we agree with someone, we trigger a fourth emotion, happiness).
If you can see that either you or whoever your speaking to is experiencing anger, then diffusing it isn’t easy, but when you are aware of it, it’s easier.
If you can see they are scared, then it’s usually pretty easy to reassure the other person.
If you see they are sad, it’s sometimes tricky, but often you can overcome that.
一些例子。你饿了，就出去找点吃的。你看到一个潜在的伴侣，你被吸引了，你就去尝试勾搭。你看到一块石头朝你的头飞过来，你赶紧躲开。你看到有东西追着你，要么拼命跑，要么站着别动。
人们不擅长的是，当有人不同意我们的意见时，停下来说，这怎么能激发我的感觉呢？ 但这正是避免争论的第二种方法。
你必须非常善于察觉其中的情绪。如果你能发现他们引发了三种情绪中的哪一种，那么在争论中，这几乎总是三种情绪之一（当我们同意某人的观点时，我们会触发第四种情绪，幸福）。
如果你能看到你或者和你说话的人正在经历愤怒，那么驱散它就不容易了，但当你意识到它时，就容易多了。
如果你能看出他们很害怕，那么通常很容易让对方放心。
如果你看到他们很悲伤，这有时是棘手的，但通常你可以克服它。
What people are not good at is when someone disagrees with us, stopping and saying, how does that make me feel? But this is exactly what is the second best way to avoid arguments.
You have to get very good at detecting the emotions involved. If you can detect which of the three emotion they’ve triggered and in arguments it’s pretty much always one of the three (when we agree with someone, we trigger a fourth emotion, happiness).
If you can see that either you or whoever your speaking to is experiencing anger, then diffusing it isn’t easy, but when you are aware of it, it’s easier.
If you can see they are scared, then it’s usually pretty easy to reassure the other person.
If you see they are sad, it’s sometimes tricky, but often you can overcome that.
一些例子。你饿了，就出去找点吃的。你看到一个潜在的伴侣，你被吸引了，你就去尝试勾搭。你看到一块石头朝你的头飞过来，你赶紧躲开。你看到有东西追着你，要么拼命跑，要么站着别动。
人们不擅长的是，当有人不同意我们的意见时，停下来说，这怎么能激发我的感觉呢？ 但这正是避免争论的第二种方法。
你必须非常善于察觉其中的情绪。如果你能发现他们引发了三种情绪中的哪一种，那么在争论中，这几乎总是三种情绪之一（当我们同意某人的观点时，我们会触发第四种情绪，幸福）。
如果你能看到你或者和你说话的人正在经历愤怒，那么驱散它就不容易了，但当你意识到它时，就容易多了。
如果你能看出他们很害怕，那么通常很容易让对方放心。
如果你看到他们很悲伤，这有时是棘手的，但通常你可以克服它。
Let’s take a few examples:
Muslim’s are terrorist? Instead of saying, “You insane Trump supporter!” look at the fear clearly speaking out. What might you say to show empathy (i.e. non-judgement recognition of another’s emotions)? Is it necessary for you to state your position or would it be more worthy of your time to try to understand the other person’s fears?
People don’t need to eat animals! What emotion is driving this statement? My guess is sadness. It could be anger, but often it’s sadness. Instead of arguing about whether human’s were made to eat animal protein or drink milk from non-human species, perhaps be curious about the sadness the person is experiencing.
Men are horrible! Hopefully by now you can easily spot the emotion behind this statement. I would guess anger (and since I wrote it, I can confirm I’m right!). Will you decide to disagree and say how it’s women who are horrible or will you try to understand why this guy is so angry with men?
I’ll admit, this is pretty easy when it’s people I don’t live with, but much harder when it’s a significant other hurling emotional darts disguised as complaints at me. I tend to get hit by these darts and respond with anger, that’s my go to, my choice is almost always fight, in the fight, flight or freeze buffet.
I’m learning daily to pause on my emotional reactions to what others say and then to take some time to try and unwrap what they are feeling. What do you think?
让我们举几个例子:
穆斯林是恐怖分子? 不要说:“你这个疯狂的特朗普支持者!“ 看清他表达出来的恐惧。你会说些什么来表示同理心（即对他人情绪的非判断性认知）? 你有必要陈述你的立场吗? 还是更值得花时间去理解对方的恐惧?
人们不需要吃动物！是什么情绪推动了这种说法？ 我猜是悲伤。可能是愤怒，但通常是悲伤。与其争论人类是否生来就吃动物蛋白或喝非人类物种的牛奶，不如对这个人所经历的悲伤感到好奇。
男人是可怕的! 希望现在你能很容易地发现这句话背后的情感。我猜是愤怒 (既然是我写的，我可以肯定我是对的!) 你会决定不同意，说女人是多么可怕，还是你会试着理解为什么这个人对男人如此愤怒?
我承认，如果是和我不住在一起的人，这很容易做到，但如果是一个重要的人伪装成抱怨向我投掷情感飞镖，那就难多了。我往往会被这些飞镖击中并以愤怒回应，这是我的做法，我的选择几乎总是战斗，在战斗中，逃跑或自我僵住。
我每天都在学习暂停自己对别人所说的话产生情绪反应，然后花点时间试着去理解他们的感受，你觉得如何?
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Muslim’s are terrorist? Instead of saying, “You insane Trump supporter!” look at the fear clearly speaking out. What might you say to show empathy (i.e. non-judgement recognition of another’s emotions)? Is it necessary for you to state your position or would it be more worthy of your time to try to understand the other person’s fears?
People don’t need to eat animals! What emotion is driving this statement? My guess is sadness. It could be anger, but often it’s sadness. Instead of arguing about whether human’s were made to eat animal protein or drink milk from non-human species, perhaps be curious about the sadness the person is experiencing.
Men are horrible! Hopefully by now you can easily spot the emotion behind this statement. I would guess anger (and since I wrote it, I can confirm I’m right!). Will you decide to disagree and say how it’s women who are horrible or will you try to understand why this guy is so angry with men?
I’ll admit, this is pretty easy when it’s people I don’t live with, but much harder when it’s a significant other hurling emotional darts disguised as complaints at me. I tend to get hit by these darts and respond with anger, that’s my go to, my choice is almost always fight, in the fight, flight or freeze buffet.
I’m learning daily to pause on my emotional reactions to what others say and then to take some time to try and unwrap what they are feeling. What do you think?
让我们举几个例子:
穆斯林是恐怖分子? 不要说:“你这个疯狂的特朗普支持者!“ 看清他表达出来的恐惧。你会说些什么来表示同理心（即对他人情绪的非判断性认知）? 你有必要陈述你的立场吗? 还是更值得花时间去理解对方的恐惧?
人们不需要吃动物！是什么情绪推动了这种说法？ 我猜是悲伤。可能是愤怒，但通常是悲伤。与其争论人类是否生来就吃动物蛋白或喝非人类物种的牛奶，不如对这个人所经历的悲伤感到好奇。
男人是可怕的! 希望现在你能很容易地发现这句话背后的情感。我猜是愤怒 (既然是我写的，我可以肯定我是对的!) 你会决定不同意，说女人是多么可怕，还是你会试着理解为什么这个人对男人如此愤怒?
我承认，如果是和我不住在一起的人，这很容易做到，但如果是一个重要的人伪装成抱怨向我投掷情感飞镖，那就难多了。我往往会被这些飞镖击中并以愤怒回应，这是我的做法，我的选择几乎总是战斗，在战斗中，逃跑或自我僵住。
我每天都在学习暂停自己对别人所说的话产生情绪反应，然后花点时间试着去理解他们的感受，你觉得如何?
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Mark Gerardy，M.S. in Advanced Database Technology, Alumni of Regis University (Graduated 2005)
Quietly and politely remove yourself from the situation.
Don’t engage.
Avoid.
If there is any action that you can take, in good-faith, that does not pose a undue hardship to you, that can give the neighbor what they want and effectively end the dispute, then consider this option.
For example, off-street parking is on city property, and homeowners whose property line borders off-street parking spots do not have clear legal jurisdiction to dictate who can and cannot park there. One might taken into account that some would feel that it is courteous to afford neighbors this space, even though they are not legally-obligated to do so.
Let’s suppose that you were parking in front of your neighbor’s house “out of principle”, because you had that legal right. Sure you do, but that does not negate that there are social costs and social consequences that you cannot control. You cannot dictated to people how they should FEEL.
In a situation such as this, for example, I would de-escalate by re-thinking what I have to gain by going around and enforcing all of these principles and consider what is really pragmatic, not just gather and collect all of the legal rights possible.
安静而有礼貌地让自己离开这个环境。
不要参与。
避免参与
如果你可以真诚地采取行动，不会给你带来不必要的困难，可以给邻居他们想要的东西，并有效地结束争端，那么考虑这个选项。
例如，街道外停车属于城市物业，那些与街道外停车位相邻的业主没有明确的法律管辖权来规定谁能在那里停车，谁不能在那里停车。人们可能会考虑到，有些人会觉得给邻居提供这个空间是有礼貌的，尽管他们在法律上没有义务这样做。
假设你“出于原则”将车停在邻居家门口，毕竟你有合法的权利。当然可以，但这并不能否定你无法控制的社会成本和社会后果。你不能对人们之后的感受指手画脚。
举个例子，在这样的情况下，我会通过重新思考通过执行所有这些原则我能得到什么来减少冲突，并不仅仅是推断和收集所有可能的法律权利，而考虑什么才是真正务实的措施来缓和事态。
Quietly and politely remove yourself from the situation.
Don’t engage.
Avoid.
If there is any action that you can take, in good-faith, that does not pose a undue hardship to you, that can give the neighbor what they want and effectively end the dispute, then consider this option.
For example, off-street parking is on city property, and homeowners whose property line borders off-street parking spots do not have clear legal jurisdiction to dictate who can and cannot park there. One might taken into account that some would feel that it is courteous to afford neighbors this space, even though they are not legally-obligated to do so.
Let’s suppose that you were parking in front of your neighbor’s house “out of principle”, because you had that legal right. Sure you do, but that does not negate that there are social costs and social consequences that you cannot control. You cannot dictated to people how they should FEEL.
In a situation such as this, for example, I would de-escalate by re-thinking what I have to gain by going around and enforcing all of these principles and consider what is really pragmatic, not just gather and collect all of the legal rights possible.
安静而有礼貌地让自己离开这个环境。
不要参与。
避免参与
如果你可以真诚地采取行动，不会给你带来不必要的困难，可以给邻居他们想要的东西，并有效地结束争端，那么考虑这个选项。
例如，街道外停车属于城市物业，那些与街道外停车位相邻的业主没有明确的法律管辖权来规定谁能在那里停车，谁不能在那里停车。人们可能会考虑到，有些人会觉得给邻居提供这个空间是有礼貌的，尽管他们在法律上没有义务这样做。
假设你“出于原则”将车停在邻居家门口，毕竟你有合法的权利。当然可以，但这并不能否定你无法控制的社会成本和社会后果。你不能对人们之后的感受指手画脚。
举个例子，在这样的情况下，我会通过重新思考通过执行所有这些原则我能得到什么来减少冲突，并不仅仅是推断和收集所有可能的法律权利，而考虑什么才是真正务实的措施来缓和事态。
Now, if the argument is the neighbor instigating attacks on you, especially if they are of a personal nature (how you dress, the kind of car that you drive, etc.) then that is a boundary violation on their part, and it is best to simply keep to yourself.
If the argument is about ideology, philosophy, politics, religion or sex - then these kinds of discussions should have never started in the first place, let alone became arguments. Tell your neighbor that you agree-to-disagree.
These kinds of abstract debates among fellow laymen, has little to no productive value. First of all, there is a near-0% chance that either one is going to change the other person’s mind, because their opinion is ultimately a function of their emotions, and you cannot tell anyone how they are supposed to feel. Second, there is nearly nothing to gain: suppose you convinced a liberal to become a conservative, then big deal, you might have gained ONE SINGLE MORE VOTE. Is this really the most productive use of your time? Do you really think that any self-respecting adult is going to subordinate themselves to become a foot-soldier puppet to fight someone else’s political or ideological battles? Do you really think that you can just “rile-up” folks with ideological sound-bites and bumper sticker slogans and instantly not only get them on your side, but literally working for you while you call the shots?
现在，如果争论是邻居煽动对你的攻击，特别是如果这些问题是与个人有关的(你的穿着，你开的车的类型，等等)，那么这对他们来说就是一种边界侵犯，最好是保持沉默。
如果争论是关于意识形态、哲学、政治、宗教或性的，那么这些讨论一开始就不应该开始，更不用说为之争论。告诉你的邻居你同意不同意就行。
外行人之间的这种抽象辩论几乎不会产生任何价值。首先，任何一个人改变另一个人想法的可能性都接近于0%，因为他们的观点最终是他们情绪的作用，你不能告诉任何人他们应该怎么想。其次，这几乎没有什么好处:假设你说服了一个自由主义者成为保守派，那么有什么了不起的，你可能会多获得一张选票而已，这真的是最有效地利用你的时间吗？你真的认为任何一个有自尊的成年人会屈从于自己，成为一个步兵傀儡，为别人的政治或意识形态斗争而战吗？你真的认为你可以用意识形态的言论和汽车保险杠上的标语“激怒”人们，不仅立即让他们站在你这边，而且在你发号施令的时候真的为你工作吗?
If the argument is about ideology, philosophy, politics, religion or sex - then these kinds of discussions should have never started in the first place, let alone became arguments. Tell your neighbor that you agree-to-disagree.
These kinds of abstract debates among fellow laymen, has little to no productive value. First of all, there is a near-0% chance that either one is going to change the other person’s mind, because their opinion is ultimately a function of their emotions, and you cannot tell anyone how they are supposed to feel. Second, there is nearly nothing to gain: suppose you convinced a liberal to become a conservative, then big deal, you might have gained ONE SINGLE MORE VOTE. Is this really the most productive use of your time? Do you really think that any self-respecting adult is going to subordinate themselves to become a foot-soldier puppet to fight someone else’s political or ideological battles? Do you really think that you can just “rile-up” folks with ideological sound-bites and bumper sticker slogans and instantly not only get them on your side, but literally working for you while you call the shots?
现在，如果争论是邻居煽动对你的攻击，特别是如果这些问题是与个人有关的(你的穿着，你开的车的类型，等等)，那么这对他们来说就是一种边界侵犯，最好是保持沉默。
如果争论是关于意识形态、哲学、政治、宗教或性的，那么这些讨论一开始就不应该开始，更不用说为之争论。告诉你的邻居你同意不同意就行。
外行人之间的这种抽象辩论几乎不会产生任何价值。首先，任何一个人改变另一个人想法的可能性都接近于0%，因为他们的观点最终是他们情绪的作用，你不能告诉任何人他们应该怎么想。其次，这几乎没有什么好处:假设你说服了一个自由主义者成为保守派，那么有什么了不起的，你可能会多获得一张选票而已，这真的是最有效地利用你的时间吗？你真的认为任何一个有自尊的成年人会屈从于自己，成为一个步兵傀儡，为别人的政治或意识形态斗争而战吗？你真的认为你可以用意识形态的言论和汽车保险杠上的标语“激怒”人们，不仅立即让他们站在你这边，而且在你发号施令的时候真的为你工作吗?
There is nothing to be gained by anyone discussing, or especially having abstract arguments regarding ideology, philosophy, politics, religion or sex - unless you do this professionally as part of your livelihood, such as a lobbyist. A rare exception might be if you personally have been affected and damaged in a real way that involves your health or money.
The best way to end an argument is to simply not participate. Then if someone wants to keep arguing, they can argue with a wall or their kitchen table.
Usually this means vacating and staying on your own property, and if the neighbor comes on to your property to argue, you might state:
a) I cannot help you with your problems. Now it is time for you to leave my property.
b) I guess you know. I need to ask you to move on, and that includes letting this go and leaving me alone.
If this argument has merit, involves money or damages, then retain legal council and let professionals do your arguing for you.
任何人讨论，或者特别是就意识形态、哲学、政治、宗教或性进行抽象的争论，都不会有任何收获——除非你把这些作为职业的一部分，如说客。一个罕见的例外可能是，是否你个人受到了真正的影响和损害，而这种影响和损害涉及到你的健康或金钱。
结束争论的最佳方式是干脆不参与。然后，如果有人想继续争论，他们可以和墙或餐桌去争论。
通常这意味着你要离开并呆在自己的房子里，如果邻居来到你的房子里和你争吵，你可以声明：
a、我不能帮你解决问题，现在你该离开我的地盘了。
b、 我想你知道。我得让你向前看，包括放下这件事，让我一个人呆着。
如果这个争论是有价值的，涉及到金钱或损害赔偿，那就请法律顾问，让专业人士为你辩护。
The best way to end an argument is to simply not participate. Then if someone wants to keep arguing, they can argue with a wall or their kitchen table.
Usually this means vacating and staying on your own property, and if the neighbor comes on to your property to argue, you might state:
a) I cannot help you with your problems. Now it is time for you to leave my property.
b) I guess you know. I need to ask you to move on, and that includes letting this go and leaving me alone.
If this argument has merit, involves money or damages, then retain legal council and let professionals do your arguing for you.
任何人讨论，或者特别是就意识形态、哲学、政治、宗教或性进行抽象的争论，都不会有任何收获——除非你把这些作为职业的一部分，如说客。一个罕见的例外可能是，是否你个人受到了真正的影响和损害，而这种影响和损害涉及到你的健康或金钱。
结束争论的最佳方式是干脆不参与。然后，如果有人想继续争论，他们可以和墙或餐桌去争论。
通常这意味着你要离开并呆在自己的房子里，如果邻居来到你的房子里和你争吵，你可以声明：
a、我不能帮你解决问题，现在你该离开我的地盘了。
b、 我想你知道。我得让你向前看，包括放下这件事，让我一个人呆着。
如果这个争论是有价值的，涉及到金钱或损害赔偿，那就请法律顾问，让专业人士为你辩护。
Natasha Kahn
My sister once told me that the best way to end an argument - and leave the other person stumped, unless they have rapid reactions - is to say “hold up, you got dirt on your teeth” in a very pleasant tone. They’ll probably get paranoid and embarrassed which will make them even angrier, but the best thing is, they won’t want to open their mouth again because of the dirt in it. A few simple and petty words, delivered in calm tones, and you finessed them, and you can walk away from the argument with the upper hand.
Of course, there’s the exception of those who are so heated they just look at you like you’re a fool and carry on. This is not most people, but if you do end up tryna pull this stunt with someone like that, you’ll end up looking silly.
我姐姐曾经告诉我，结束争论的最好方法是用一种非常愉快的语气说“等一下，你的牙齿上有污垢了”。他们可能会变得多疑和尴尬，这将使他们更愤怒，但最好的情况是，他们就不想再开口了，因为牙齿里面存在污垢。用平静的语气说几句简单而琐碎的话，你巧妙地运用了它们，就可以在辩论中占上风。
当然，也有例外的人，他们会把你当傻瓜一样看，然后继续说下去。这不是大多数人，但如果你真的想和那样的人玩这种把戏，你会看起来很傻的。
My sister once told me that the best way to end an argument - and leave the other person stumped, unless they have rapid reactions - is to say “hold up, you got dirt on your teeth” in a very pleasant tone. They’ll probably get paranoid and embarrassed which will make them even angrier, but the best thing is, they won’t want to open their mouth again because of the dirt in it. A few simple and petty words, delivered in calm tones, and you finessed them, and you can walk away from the argument with the upper hand.
Of course, there’s the exception of those who are so heated they just look at you like you’re a fool and carry on. This is not most people, but if you do end up tryna pull this stunt with someone like that, you’ll end up looking silly.
我姐姐曾经告诉我，结束争论的最好方法是用一种非常愉快的语气说“等一下，你的牙齿上有污垢了”。他们可能会变得多疑和尴尬，这将使他们更愤怒，但最好的情况是，他们就不想再开口了，因为牙齿里面存在污垢。用平静的语气说几句简单而琐碎的话，你巧妙地运用了它们，就可以在辩论中占上风。
当然，也有例外的人，他们会把你当傻瓜一样看，然后继续说下去。这不是大多数人，但如果你真的想和那样的人玩这种把戏，你会看起来很傻的。
Dennis Manning，Studied at Mineral Area College (Graduated 2010)
丹尼斯·曼宁，就读于矿业学院(2010年毕业)
丹尼斯·曼宁，就读于矿业学院(2010年毕业)
Several ways.
I agree now that you make that point.
You can do it, but I'm not responsible for saving you.
Here is where you are wrong. (Then provide irrefutable facts.)
Bye.
Taste it. Maybe THEN you will realize that pineapple does NOT go on pizza.
几种方式。
我同意你的观点。
你可以这么做，但我没有责任救你。
这就是你错的地方。(然后提供无可辩驳的事实。)
再见。
试一试。也许到那时你就会意识到菠萝不能加在披萨上。
I agree now that you make that point.
You can do it, but I'm not responsible for saving you.
Here is where you are wrong. (Then provide irrefutable facts.)
Bye.
Taste it. Maybe THEN you will realize that pineapple does NOT go on pizza.
几种方式。
我同意你的观点。
你可以这么做，但我没有责任救你。
这就是你错的地方。(然后提供无可辩驳的事实。)
再见。
试一试。也许到那时你就会意识到菠萝不能加在披萨上。
Imtiaz Mohammad，Google, Ex-Microsoft, IIT Kanpur, 25 years of CSE
When you agree, speak up. When you disagree, remain silent.
You will not only avoid an argument, but actually win people.
It reminds me of this beautiful narration:
Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, "I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners."
当你同意时，大声说出来。当你不同意时，保持沉默。
你不仅可以避免争论，而且可以赢得人们的支持。
这让我想起了这个美丽的故事：
真主使者（pbuh）说：“我保证：那些即使他是对的但放弃争论的人在天堂有个家；那些即使是好玩也不说谎的人，可以在天堂中央有一个家; 那些有礼貌的人在天堂最高处有个家。”
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
When you agree, speak up. When you disagree, remain silent.
You will not only avoid an argument, but actually win people.
It reminds me of this beautiful narration:
Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, "I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners."
当你同意时，大声说出来。当你不同意时，保持沉默。
你不仅可以避免争论，而且可以赢得人们的支持。
这让我想起了这个美丽的故事：
真主使者（pbuh）说：“我保证：那些即使他是对的但放弃争论的人在天堂有个家；那些即使是好玩也不说谎的人，可以在天堂中央有一个家; 那些有礼貌的人在天堂最高处有个家。”
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
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